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From Summits To Valleys: Grit, Grief, And Finding Strength · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

0:05
Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets.
0:07
Mary: I'm your host, Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner.
0:13
Mary: I've created a space where we celebrate the intuition and power of women who want to break free from limiting narratives.
0:20
Mary: We'll explore all realms of wellness, what it means to take up space unapologetically, and how your essential nature is key to living life on your terms.
0:30
Mary: It's time to own your space, trust your nature, and flourish.
0:34
Mary: Let's dive in.
0:35
Mary: Hey Violets, welcome to the show.
0:40
Mary: Twenty-five years ago, I met Steve.
0:43
Mary: Three and a half years later, he would become my first husband.
0:46
Mary: But a few months after we first met, he left to hike the Pacific Crest Trail.
0:51
Mary: It is a 2,650-mile long-distance hiking trail that traverses California, Oregon, and Washington states from the border of Mexico to the Canadian border.
1:02
Mary: It wasn't his first long-distance hike.
1:04
Mary: My hiking experience was little to none.
1:07
Mary: He and I had done a few short backpacking trips during the first months of dating, something I never thought I would do in spite of loving the outdoors, and I found I did love the freedom of sleeping outside and walking each day with no other demands.
1:20
Mary: When he suggested that I fly out to California to join him on the PCT, I initially and immediately said, no.
1:28
Mary: I had none of my own gear, and there was no way I was in the shape I needed to be to land at 8,000 feet of elevation and walk for an average of 20 miles per day with 40 to 50 pounds on my back.
1:40
Mary: However, it's hard for me to sidestep a challenge.
1:44
Mary: I started to imagine it might be possible.
1:47
Mary: So I started to read and research gear, and I also started to hike every weekend with weight on my back.
1:53
Mary: I trained my legs on a climbing machine, and just two months after Steve started his hike, I flew out and joined him.
2:01
Mary: Let's just say that jumping into the middle of a through hike with someone who is not only more fit and experienced, but who had been hiking every single day for the past 60 days was a little bit harder than I imagined, especially the 8,000 feet of elevation.
2:16
Mary: I was nauseous for most of the first three to four days, which made getting the calories I needed a challenge.
2:22
Mary: My pack felt like it weighed a ton.
2:25
Mary: We were going uphill much of the way.
2:27
Mary: At one point, we needed to hike Hat Creek Rim, a 30-mile stretch with no water source, in 95 plus degree heat, with about three trees for shade the entire time.
2:38
Mary: One gallon of water weighs eight pounds.
2:41
Mary: So you can imagine the load we carried to get us through that part of the trail.
2:45
Mary: Most days my feet were bleeding or my toenails were infected from constantly being jammed against the front of my boots on downhills.
2:52
Mary: I will spare you the gory details.
2:54
Mary: But the 214 miles I proudly hiked allowed me to find strength and test my new relationship in ways I never knew possible.
3:03
Mary: And I'll be honest, I was able to use that experience and what I endured and overcame as fuel to get me through many of life's challenges.
3:10
Mary: Although it was a physical challenge, it really was nearly 90% mindset.
3:15
Mary: So when I have difficulties at work or in other situations, I remember how I felt looking at Mount Shasta on the final day of my part of the hike, knowing that no one could see that view I had without getting there in the same way that I had.
3:28
Mary: It was humbling and exhilarating.
3:31
Mary: So when I read about Deanette Wells, I was humbled in an entirely different way.
3:36
Mary: What she has accomplished, well, it's nothing short of amazing.
3:40
Mary: Deanette is the author of Another Step Up the Mountain.
3:43
Mary: She has taken on amazing physical accomplishments, including conquering the seven summits, which include Everest, Kilimanjaro, and Denali.
3:52
Mary: She has also raced 150 plus miles across deserts, biked across America, and competed in multiple eco challenges and ultramarathons worldwide.
4:03
Mary: And she has experienced profound loss from divorce through losing her son Johnny, himself an amazing athlete that pushed boundaries and died doing what he loved.
4:12
Mary: Her journey of conquering physical challenges that most of us would never consider, both fueled and were dwarfed by her journey to overcome loss and fully live again.
4:22
Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets DNA.
4:25
Mary: Thank you.
4:26
Mary: Thank you for having me.
4:27
Mary: So thank you for tolerating that very long introduction.
4:31
Mary: But as I told her before I started hit to hit record, there's a lot of things that resonate.
4:36
Mary: So I can't wait to sort of dig into all that.
4:38
Mary: But I wondered if you could start by giving us a brief overview of your journey from how you knew you wanted to discover all of those physical challenges to a little bit about your personal losses along the way.
4:57
Dianette: But I was just drawn to Mount Whitney and, you know, finally getting a bunch of girlfriends to do it with me.
5:04
Dianette: And we had no idea what we were doing.
5:07
Dianette: But it it hit my soul hard that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
5:12
Dianette: And then it was, what's what's the next thing?
5:14
Dianette: What's the next thing?
5:15
Dianette: And and you know, before you know it, there's 26 years of all of these adventures and you know, races and climbs that, you know, kind of have made up my life.
5:26
Dianette: And um, and all those things, the physicality of those things is what really got me through um, you know, my divorce, the loss of my son, just hard times.
5:37
Dianette: And just even when I would just hike first thing in the morning, that set the tone for the rest of my day.
5:44
Dianette: And, you know, it's physical activity is a great thing.
5:49
Mary: Okay, so you're saying physical activity.
5:52
Mary: And anybody that just heard that intro is like, um, that's a little bit more than physical activity.
5:57
Mary: So the one thing that struck me in part of your story that I've heard heard you tell is that part about Mount Whitney that, and I I'm thinking you had like 10 girlfriends that went with you, right?
6:07
Mary: I don't think I have one that would be like, oh yeah, let's do that.
6:12
Mary: So tell us what, first of all, what was that like?
6:14
Mary: Was it one day, multiple days?
6:17
Dianette: So um you can do multiple days on Whitney or in overnight, but I have I just now on October 1st um did it for the 17th time, and it was my 15th summit of it.
6:28
Dianette: Um, I've always done it in just a day because there's a motel close by, I want a nice bed, and I want dinner.
6:35
Dianette: Um it's funny because sometimes depending on who I'm climbing with, we don't make it down in time for dinner.
6:42
Dianette: So um that that is the goal is to always be down in time to eat.
6:47
Dianette: And you know, it was just this thing of I don't know, I had no expectations, didn't know if we would sum it, but when my soul did it and knew, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, just everything flowed into place.
7:01
Dianette: And then it was, you know, one thing flowed after the other.
7:04
Dianette: And thankfully, I still have a crazy group of friends who say yes to doing this stuff.
7:09
Dianette: And uh one of my friends who went with me, this last one, it's now her seventh time climbing it.
7:16
Dianette: So, you know, it's good to have fun, crazy friends.
7:20
Mary: Yeah.
7:20
Mary: So it's interesting you say that you'd like to have dinner, you know, because you've certainly done things where the dinner is like on your back, right?
7:30
Mary: You're carrying what you're getting.
7:31
Mary: You're lucky.
7:33
Mary: Right, right.
7:34
Mary: So can you think of a time where there was something happening and you really had to push through wanting to quit?
7:42
Dianette: Oh, every um adventure race.
7:45
Dianette: I started climbing, then I went to adventure racing.
7:48
Dianette: And adventure racing, you're not guaranteed any meal or any food because it's what you can carry, but you also have to move very fast.
7:56
Dianette: So you could go a few days without eating much.
8:00
Dianette: Um, like I say in the book, there's one part of this river, and we're going over these boulders, and there was a wet wheat thin on the rock.
8:08
Dianette: And I scraped it off and ate it.
8:10
unknown: Oh my god.
8:12
Dianette: I know it sounds disgusting, but I was grateful for this wheat then.
8:16
Dianette: Um, and now I when I'm at the grocery store and I see a box of wheat thins, and I know I could buy, you know, multiple boxes.
8:22
Dianette: Like, okay, okay.
8:23
Dianette: So, you know, I I do know what it's like to be very hungry, and and then you have to laugh and say, Well, you put yourself in this position, so go with it, stick with it.
8:33
Dianette: And yeah, the quitting, you know, physically, anything over 24 hours, your body is just saying, No, we're done.
8:41
Dianette: We could go home and sleep in a nice bed and sit on the couch.
8:46
Dianette: But that's when your mind kicks in and reminds you, hey, you paid to be here, you're having fun, look around you, you're seeing things that most people will never see.
8:57
Dianette: So suck it up.
8:58
Dianette: And then I also think I remind myself, okay, if you quit right now and you're, you know, in the restaurant at the hotel, are you gonna be bummed that you're sitting there?
9:07
Dianette: Or would you rather be out here?
9:08
Dianette: And that's what does it for me.
9:10
Dianette: I would always rather be back out on the race course.
9:12
Mary: I think the the different things that you do all seem like they require something different.
9:18
Mary: Like the running is different than the climbing, right?
9:21
Mary: It's sort of a different, even climbing.
9:23
Mary: I have not done a lot of that, but I that's more really strategic in a sense.
9:28
Mary: Is that right?
9:29
Mary: Like thinking about what is my route and how am I gonna get there?
9:33
Dianette: No, racing is very strategic.
9:35
Dianette: Um you know, that's why you want the best navigator.
9:38
Dianette: You want um a really great set of um, and I always race with three men.
9:44
Dianette: I want the strongest and best.
9:46
Dianette: And yeah, adventure racing is much more strategic than climbing.
9:49
Dianette: I mean, climbing is usually the route is fixed and it's known because I'm not putting up any new routes.
9:54
Dianette: Um yeah, no, I'm not that good.
9:57
Dianette: Um and you're usually in a tent by dark and having a proper meal and sleeping in a warm sleeping bag.
10:04
Dianette: And it's you know, the main thing with climbing is weather.
10:08
Dianette: And if the weather's not good, you stay in your tent.
10:10
Dianette: Denali, we had storm after storm after storm and had a lot of downtime in the tent.
10:16
Dianette: And, you know, but that's really the the main thing.
10:18
Dianette: But racing, adventure racing is just a whole other beast.
10:23
Dianette: But best time of my life.
10:26
Mary: Well, thinking about that wheat thin, I know on the Pacific Crest Trail, there were some water sources.
10:31
Mary: I mean, you have to literally you have a water bottle and you're pushing aside sort of the algae and the so you know, when I think about having done that, it's like, oh my gosh, but you when you're in the moment, you're just doing it.
10:47
Dianette: Yeah, you have to be careful.
10:48
Dianette: I have had giardia and leptospirosis.
10:51
Dianette: Um, yeah, I've I've die heaved dirt because I drank dirt by accident.
10:58
Dianette: Um, so water I'm pretty careful with.
11:01
Dianette: I have a dairy pen.
11:03
Dianette: Um, I have the iodine tablets.
11:06
Dianette: Yeah, and the problem with hydration is once you start to get dehydrated, it's so hard to catch back up.
11:13
Dianette: Um, and I've had multiple times where I'm pounding water and I'm still so thirsty, and I'm realizing uh-oh, I'm past the point of, you know, it's hard to get the train back on the tracks once you've gotten to that point.
11:27
Mary: Yeah.
11:27
Mary: Yeah, because they say once you're thirsty, that's too far.
11:30
Mary: You've gone too far.
11:31
Mary: Yeah.
11:32
Mary: So can you tell us a little bit what an eco challenge is and what that was like?
11:39
Dianette: Well, if you go on to Amazon Prime, it's called World's Toughest Race Eco Challenge.
11:44
Dianette: And if you watch that series, it will give you a great view of what it is and and what it is versus say an ultra where you run, you know, my ultras are usually 150 miles plus.
11:58
Dianette: A bike event, you're just biking.
12:00
Dianette: Um, mountaineering, you're climbing, but an adventure race puts, you know, multiple five to eight, ten different sports all in one race, all non-motorized.
12:10
Dianette: So you can maybe hike or run a 24-hour section and then go paddle for 50 miles and then jump on a bike and then do ropes.
12:20
Dianette: I mean, it's it really depends on the topography of the land and what the race organizers want to do.
12:26
Dianette: But it's just it's a really fun multi-day, multi-sport, non-stop race on your markets at go, usually a team of four, one person of the opposite sex, and you have to stay together and you have to finish together.
12:41
Dianette: And if one person drops out, you're all out.
12:44
Dianette: So it's, you know, you really have to build each other up and stay together.
12:48
Dianette: And you are only as fast as your slowest person.
12:51
Dianette: So it behooves you to have a really good, strong team.
12:57
Mary: So in that situation, it's I I think of two things.
13:00
Mary: One, it keep probably keeps you going because you have a sense of sort of responsibility, but there's also maybe frustration if you are not the slowest one, or as they say, the weakest link.
13:12
Mary: So that must be tough sometimes.
13:15
Mary: It's hard.
13:16
Dianette: I mean, I have been in every position where I have felt the strongest and like, okay, let's go, let's go.
13:22
Dianette: And I've also been the weakest.
13:24
Dianette: And just it's horrible to be the weakest because the guilt is horrible, and you know you're letting your teammates down.
13:32
Dianette: You know, so when someone is being the weakest on the team and I know that, you know, they're trying their hardest and they didn't do this on purpose, then yeah, it's just it's almost relief that, oh, thank God, it's not me.
13:45
Dianette: And you do what you can to help them.
13:47
Dianette: Um, I was on a team where, you know, someone pretty blatantly put themselves in that position, you know, didn't take care of themselves, started off being on some diet.
13:58
Dianette: It just you can't race and be on a diet.
14:01
Dianette: It's sugar, salt, fat, carbs, as much as you can get.
14:05
Dianette: I mean, you wouldn't go home and eat like that, but during the race, you need salt and you need sugar and you need fat.
14:11
Dianette: And um yeah, you just you do whatever it takes.
14:16
Mary: Yeah.
14:16
Mary: Okay, so I'm gonna take a little bit of a side road because first of all, one of the things that I love about your story is you recognized your passion and you didn't, well, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna say you didn't.
14:28
Mary: I don't know.
14:29
Mary: I think sometimes when we think about doing something big, the first voice in our head is, yeah, but like, are you sure you want to do this?
14:38
Mary: So before I ask my next question, did you have that internal critic or arguer that's like, what are you thinking?
14:46
Dianette: I have that negative critic in my head 24-7.
14:49
Dianette: And I'm really learning to tell that voice to just, you know, S T F U because it doesn't do us any good.
14:57
Dianette: If we can have the negative voice, why not replace it with a positive voice?
15:01
Dianette: And so I'm really trying that when it starts, it's like, nope, nope.
15:04
Dianette: And then I replace it with a positive thought.
15:07
Dianette: The start of every race line, it's like, oh, can I do this?
15:10
Dianette: Which is part of the fun of the adventure.
15:13
Dianette: If we showed up at every start line going, oh, this is easy, or I've got this, where's the fun in that?
15:18
Dianette: Where's the adventure?
15:19
Dianette: Um, and also, you know, when you get to the finish line, it's much more amazing when you weren't 100% sure that you could get there.
15:28
Dianette: I mean, you hope for it and you plan on it, but it's like the summit of a mountain.
15:32
Dianette: I mean, when I started climbing Mount Whitney on, you know, on the first, I'm always nervous getting out of the car and wondering, okay, am I gonna trip?
15:42
Dianette: And how am I gonna feel once I get to 10,000 feet?
15:45
Dianette: Um, what's gonna happen?
15:47
Dianette: And it just makes the summit that much better.
15:50
Dianette: But I can't imagine allowing the negative voice in my head to not allow me to get out of the car.
15:56
Dianette: So, you know, whatever it is that you are passionate about or want to do, tell that voice just to zip it and do it anyways.
16:05
Dianette: Because what's the worst that happens?
16:06
Dianette: You don't finish, you don't start, you don't like it.
16:10
Dianette: Okay, do something else, but at least you tried because you'll never know if you don't try.
16:15
Mary: Yeah.
16:15
Mary: And I do know that my ex-husband, anytime he starts a through hike, even today, he doesn't think about I'm going to finish.
16:23
Mary: He plans as if he's going to finish.
16:25
Mary: But sometimes that can get you into situations that are dangerous.
16:28
Mary: If you're not reading the terrain and recognizing, especially in the mountains when you a blizzard can hit, you know, all of those things I think are so important.
16:36
Mary: But I think there's so many parallels to life just in in climbing, because I think about like you can't really look at the top the whole time, right?
16:46
Mary: Because then you're like, am I ever going to get there?
16:48
Mary: But once you get there, the view is amazing.
16:51
Dianette: Yeah.
16:51
Dianette: And when you have a goal, it is important to I visualize.
16:55
Dianette: Like when I did Everest, I visualized that summit over and over and over again.
17:00
Dianette: But then when you arrive, you know, you have five to six weeks before you're going to summit.
17:06
Dianette: So if you just sat there for five to six weeks and stressed out over the summit, you you wouldn't last a week.
17:13
Dianette: Um, so yeah, you focus on the steps in front of you, the the immediate task at hand and doing everything right in preparation for the summit.
17:22
Dianette: But um, yeah, I when I go to climb, I'm not hyper focused on the summit.
17:27
Dianette: It's my goal.
17:28
Dianette: And it's, you know, I'm not ignoring it, but I'm focusing on hour by hour, step by step.
17:34
Dianette: Oh, I need to eat something, I need to drink something, oh, I need to shed a later layer or add a layer.
17:38
Dianette: So, because if you if you miss one of those steps on your way to the summit, you won't summit.
17:44
Mary: Right.
17:45
Mary: Yeah.
17:46
Mary: So I know I have a lot of women listening that have children.
17:52
Mary: And when we have an idea as a woman, here's what I want to do.
17:57
Mary: Sometimes that voice can come in because it's saying, wait a second, you're a mom.
18:03
Mary: So living for you, you know, we have all these scripts about, you know, I've had women say, Well, I feel like I'm being selfish.
18:10
Mary: That seems to be the key word.
18:12
Mary: So, how did you manage to what was it like?
18:15
Mary: I'll say, what was it like to be a mom and to do all of these adventures and follow that passion at the same time?
18:23
Dianette: Um, the amount of guilt was at times overwhelming because I would always call my kids, you know, pretty much every day.
18:30
Dianette: And, you know, crying, come home, come home.
18:33
Dianette: It by this point I was divorced.
18:36
Dianette: Um so you know, most of the time they were with a babysitter and and not with my ex.
18:43
Dianette: But um, you know, it it's hard.
18:46
Dianette: It's when I when I was home with the kids, I was home.
18:50
Dianette: I really didn't go out at night, I wasn't a partier.
18:53
Dianette: It's when I picked them up from school, it was all in.
18:56
Dianette: Um so when I was there, I was 100% there.
19:01
Dianette: And when I was on a climb, um, you know, you notice later on, they are watching and they're paying attention and they're seeing their mom be really strong and accomplish something.
19:12
Dianette: And I feel like that made my kids feel like, oh, I can do anything too.
19:17
Dianette: Because if my mom, who you know, I was a housewife sitting on the couch, um, if she can do this, God, I can do anything.
19:25
Dianette: And I've seen them do this in their lives.
19:28
Dianette: Um, but yeah, the guilt is horrible.
19:30
Dianette: I I'm pretty sure I talk about this in the book where you know, the men aren't in tears after they get off the phone with their kids because their wife is taking care of the kids.
19:39
Dianette: Um, and it's, you know, I would get off the phone every day and it was just brutal.
19:44
Dianette: And when I'm on a mountain, I I would think, God, I am a horrible mom.
19:47
Dianette: I should be home with my kids.
19:49
Dianette: What kind of, you know, mom would do this?
19:51
Dianette: And then I'm home and I'm thinking about the next climb, but yet fully enjoying every minute of being a mom.
19:58
Dianette: So, you know, the pull to be, you know, an athlete and a mom, and I was really good at both.
20:05
Dianette: So why should I have to give up either one of those?
20:08
Dianette: And yeah, it's it's a dilemma that women face when when women go to work in the mornings and they leave their kids, or even if they work from home and they have to close that door for eight hours to get their job done.
20:21
Dianette: I mean, there's terrible guilt with that.
20:24
Dianette: And, you know, I I think that just comes from we're moms and we want to please everyone all the time, but we're also humans and we're women, and we are entitled to our own dreams as well.
20:37
Dianette: Would I want my daughters to give up their dreams just because they're moms?
20:42
Dianette: No, I I want my children to have their dreams and to accomplish them as well.
20:47
Mary: Yeah.
20:48
Dianette: And we can do both.
20:49
Dianette: It's not easy, but we can and we are entitled to both.
20:54
Mary: And I think we do underestimate how important it is when our kids see us being happy, especially our daughters.
21:01
Mary: You know, and I think about, I don't know, I'm I'm just gonna talk about the snippet because I don't know the specifics, but there was something online about a woman finishing a marathon and her husband had the kids run out and like, and she was sort of like pushing them out of the way to get to the finish line.
21:16
Mary: And there was so many narratives around that.
21:19
Dianette: I saw that.
21:20
Dianette: I mean, I get it, but it's like, dude, could you not have held that kid until after she crossed the finish line?
21:28
Dianette: I mean, of course she wants to see her kids and and you know, give them a big hug, but she is feet away from the finish line.
21:36
Dianette: Like, let her have that moment.
21:38
Dianette: Um, yeah, I I mean I understand why he did it and I understand the kids' position for sure, but guys, you know, 10 more feet, let her have the 10 more feet, and you have the rest of the day to you know, cuddle and snuggle and all that stuff, but oh my god, yeah, that was brutal.
21:55
Mary: Well, and I think about again if we reverse the sexes or the genders, there would have been, I think, a different reaction to it.
22:02
Mary: Like, look what she why would she do that when he was so close?
22:05
Mary: And so those narratives are so deep.
22:08
Mary: And again, I love that you did it anyway, even though it was hard, because you then sort of rewrote that script for your kids.
22:19
Dianette: Well, it was interesting too.
22:20
Dianette: I would be in um sponsorship meetings, um, and these always with men, and they'd say, Well, you're leaving your kids.
22:30
Dianette: You know, how can you do that?
22:32
Dianette: And at one point I looked at one of them and I said, If I was a man, would you be asking me that?
22:37
Dianette: And he just said, No.
22:39
Dianette: And kind of that was the end of the meeting, and I didn't get sponsorship from them.
22:43
Dianette: But sexism is alive and well, especially if you're a mom.
22:48
Mary: Yeah.
22:48
Mary: So I just think that's really important because I think helping women to reframe that having passions, having things we want to accomplish, whether it's starting a business or writing a book, or we just it's that inner, what is the word I want?
23:03
Mary: Soundtrack starts to play of like, oh, I don't know.
23:07
Mary: That's not very mom-like or that's selfish.
23:09
Mary: And yeah, I think when your kids react with emotion, that's hard too.
23:13
Mary: But yay, for you, because I think that is such an important story to write for them.
23:19
Dianette: It's, I mean, it takes a decade or two to see the fruition of that.
23:24
Mary: Yeah.
23:24
Dianette: But it's never a good time to do anything.
23:27
Dianette: Never a great time to have kids unless we've been trying for five years.
23:31
Dianette: It's never a good time to start stop so many excuses and reasons for everything in life that you just have to again tell that voice to stop talking, replace it with a positive thought, and even just say, you know, why not?
23:44
Dianette: Just do it.
23:45
Dianette: Ignore the voices, ignore, ignore all of the voices, and just do it because it sets a good example for your kids, it makes you happier as a person.
23:54
Mary: And it's, you know, happy mom, happy family.
23:57
Mary: And I know that especially your son Johnny followed you into the adventurous life, right?
24:05
Dianette: I think he, you know, based on a drawing he did before we started doing any adventure sports, he was gonna do this stuff anyways.
24:16
Dianette: The fact that he was blessed with two parents who started doing these sports and then were all in on him doing them, although we didn't allow any parachuting until he was 18 and out of the house.
24:29
Dianette: Um yeah, so I I don't think he followed in my footsteps.
24:34
Dianette: I think he saw that, oh, okay, this is what my parents do, but he was gonna do this whether we did it or not.
24:42
Dianette: So I don't think we influenced him at all.
24:44
Dianette: I I know that he did want to adventure race, um, but then eco challenges had stopped at the time.
24:50
Dianette: He would have done an eco challenge uh in a heartbeat.
24:53
Dianette: He would have jumped at that chance.
24:55
Mary: Yeah, yeah.
24:56
Mary: So before we get in a little bit to his story, do your girls, because you have two daughters, correct?
25:02
Mary: Do they do adventuring also?
25:06
Dianette: Um, they are incredible athletes.
25:08
Dianette: It's not their first choice of things to do, but they've both climbed Kilimanjaro.
25:13
Dianette: Um and they my youngest showed up when I lived in Park City, showed up from sea level, and promptly smoked me going up to 10,000 feet on a hike.
25:25
Dianette: And it was that moment, you know, we have these with our kids when we realize, oh, I've just been surpassed by my child.
25:32
Dianette: Okay, this is a new feeling.
25:34
Dianette: Um, no, they're very gifted athletes, but it's not the focus of their lives, no.
25:39
Mary: Yeah.
25:39
Mary: But you empowered them by allowing them to have those successes in things that a lot of people would never even think about trying.
25:46
Mary: So again, I think that's pretty cool.
25:48
Dianette: I mean, my oldest daughter summited Kilimanjaro when she was 16, and she you practically ran up and ran down and was sitting in the dining tent reading a book.
25:58
Dianette: Everyone else came down, and I think people just wanted to like push her off the hill.
26:03
Dianette: Um, and my youngest did it at 13.
26:06
Dianette: I mean, she was, and I looked at it thinking, gosh, she was so little, and I took her up Kilimanjaro, but she was asking to go, she was saying it's my turn, when do I get to go?
26:15
Dianette: So, yeah, I, you know, I believe if someone has a passion about something, and I don't care what age they are, if they're talking about it, and it's not me bringing it up, it's not me pushing it on them, but this is something that they really want to do, and I'm able to help facilitate that.
26:33
Dianette: Why would I say no?
26:34
Mary: Yeah.
26:35
Mary: So I want to talk a little about Johnny.
26:38
Mary: So Johnny Strange was your son, and I would like you to just quickly tell his story.
26:44
Mary: But before we do that, I did watch a lot of the YouTube um documentary about him.
26:52
Mary: And it starts with a quote.
26:54
Mary: And even as I'm ready to read it, I feel a little bit emotional about it.
27:00
Mary: But he said, The day I let fear deter me from following my dreams, I have already died.
27:06
Mary: So he has really an amazing story.
27:10
Mary: Could you tell us some of that?
27:13
Dianette: Um, he was a wild child from the he literally walked the day he turned on, just a wild, wild boy.
27:22
Dianette: And I was used to my firstborn was a daughter, and she was very calm and you know, didn't hurt herself.
27:29
Dianette: And then I had this one, and I would just pray, like, please God, let him make it to 18.
27:34
Dianette: I mean, just constantly climbing anything he could possibly climb.
27:39
Dianette: He got into places to this day, I have no idea how he got up to them.
27:43
Dianette: Like almost impossible.
27:45
Dianette: You know, numerous sets of stitches and just it just keeping him alive was a full-time job.
27:52
Dianette: Um, but very early on, he just, you know, he always talked about flying, um, you know, parachuting.
28:00
Dianette: And when he was four, I had asked him, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up?
28:04
Dianette: And he said, I want to hang out of helicopters and take pictures.
28:07
Dianette: I was like, Oh, my son wants to be a national geographic photographer.
28:11
Dianette: Oh, how could it occur to me that he would let go and fly out of the helicopter?
28:16
Dianette: But yeah, he was just driven and um did every sport that he could do until he turned 18 and could start parachuting.
28:25
Dianette: Uh, by the time he was 17, he also had climbed the seven summits.
28:29
Dianette: Big wave surfing in Nazareth, Portugal.
28:31
Dianette: I mean, towed into these this monstrous 40-foot wave by Garrett McNamara, big wave surfing in Hawaii.
28:38
Dianette: And it was funny because I was on vacation with my youngest.
28:42
Dianette: It was spring break, and and she pulls up with this, you know, surfer on this wave, and she's like, Mom, look.
28:49
Dianette: And I glanced over and said, Oh, you know, that that's nice.
28:51
Dianette: And she said, Mom, it's Johnny.
28:54
Dianette: Losing my mind.
28:56
Dianette: Like, what is he doing?
28:57
Dianette: Like, come on, just constantly scaring me half to death.
29:02
Dianette: And then he turned 18 and started bass jumping.
29:06
Mary: And can you tell us a little what that is?
29:08
Mary: And he wore a wing, is it called a wingsuit, correct?
29:12
Dianette: Yeah.
29:12
Dianette: So in the beginning, he would just jump, and then you um, so base jumping is um gosh, what is it?
29:21
Dianette: Bridge, antenna, span, and oh, maybe that's wrong.
29:26
Dianette: I don't know.
29:27
Dianette: But base stands for four things.
29:30
Dianette: And it's it's jumping and then pulling a parachute and landing.
29:34
Dianette: And then from base jumping, he started wingsuiting and you know, jumping out of airplanes, you know, parachuting, but then he was jumping out of airplanes, hot air balloons, all that stuff.
29:45
Dianette: And and then he started wearing a wingsuit.
29:47
Dianette: So instead of just falling straight to the ground and pulling a parachute and floating, a wingsuit allows you to fly.
29:54
Dianette: So for every Johnny explained it all to me, something for every Foot that you drop, you're going forward three feet.
30:03
Dianette: So you can fly long distances.
30:06
Dianette: And yeah, you're flying.
30:08
Dianette: And then you pull a parachute and you land.
30:10
Dianette: The step above that is proximity wing suit base jumping, which not only you jumping um off of a cliff and flying, but you're trying to see how close to an object, which is usually the face or rocks or the land, how you know how close you can get to it, because that um it really you feel more the speed when you're closer to an object.
30:38
Dianette: So that's like the ultimate, ultimate um thing.
30:43
Dianette: And then the movie they did on him, which is um, I mean, it's not supposed to be on YouTube.
30:49
Dianette: I don't know who put it on there, but it's on Peacock and on Tubi, but it's um on Tubi, it's Born to Fly.
30:55
Dianette: On Peacock, it's American Daredevil.
30:58
Dianette: And um they started filming him because it was the sixth season of him base jumping.
31:05
Dianette: And I had been on a plane years ago watching some movie about base jumpers, and they said, once you start bass jumping, the average lifespan is six years.
31:16
Dianette: And I at the time I remember thinking, oh, you know, my son will stop before that point.
31:20
Dianette: He'll, you know, get married or have a career or something.
31:24
Dianette: He he won't make it to that point.
31:25
Dianette: And his sixth season, there were some filmmakers who wanted to do a movie on him during his sixth season, and he passed during the filming of their movie.
31:38
Dianette: I mean, they weren't filming that jump, but it was in the time period that they were filming him, and he basically died doing the subject of the movie.
31:45
Mary: I can't even imagine what it was like for you to get that news.
31:49
Mary: Not something I ever want to repeat.
31:52
Dianette: No.
31:53
Dianette: I mean, the the earth is off its axis when you lose a kid, so yeah.
32:00
Mary: So I think from what I read, you started to find your way through the grief by going back to doing what you love.
32:10
Mary: How did that journey go?
32:13
Mary: How did that help you?
32:15
Dianette: He died in October, and that following spring, April and May, um, I was supposed to go to back to Everest and climb Everest Lodsey Nupsi.
32:25
Dianette: I was gonna do them in three days.
32:27
Dianette: I had this, you know, big goal.
32:28
Dianette: I had moved to Park City to train, and then this happened, and I didn't have the strength to walk around the block.
32:36
Dianette: Um, it was, you know, really hard to even leave the house.
32:41
Dianette: Um, but I had two dogs and they needed to go on a walk.
32:44
Dianette: So at least, you know, on most days I could take the dogs on a walk.
32:48
Dianette: And then it just struck me that this is not living.
32:51
Dianette: I'm just existing and this is no way to live.
32:55
Dianette: So I signed up.
32:56
Dianette: I I called my friend Mary Gadams, who um owns Racing the Planet, which is an amazing, um, an amazing ultra company.
33:06
Dianette: And they had a race coming up in Sri Lanka, and I just said, you know, is there any way I can get a spot?
33:11
Dianette: And she said, absolutely.
33:13
Dianette: And I hadn't run yet.
33:14
Dianette: I hadn't even put on one of my running shoes.
33:17
Dianette: And so I showed up.
33:18
Dianette: I hadn't trained.
33:19
Dianette: It was, you know, I was lucky enough to even pack.
33:21
Dianette: And I showed up and I finished.
33:24
Dianette: I was like, okay, I I'm feeling my mojo coming back.
33:27
Dianette: I'm feeling, you know, the life start to come back into me.
33:31
Dianette: And then, you know, a couple years later, Eco Challenge was gonna have another race.
33:36
Dianette: And I was so fortunate to be able to get a spot in that race.
33:40
Dianette: And then it was like, okay, you know, but yeah, it was sports and being outside and and doing what I had always loved the most, is what, you know, I think got me through it.
33:52
Dianette: And obviously my amazing, amazing friends who, you know, without them, there's no way.
33:58
Mary: Yeah.
33:59
Mary: Well, and even in the film, I think the amazing outpouring of love for Johnny had to be also be uplifting to see all those people be so inspired by him and care about him so much.
34:12
Mary: And he did work to help others, right?
34:14
Mary: That was part of his mission.
34:16
Dianette: Yep.
34:16
Dianette: Stopping genocide and caring Parkinson's were his two main things.
34:21
Dianette: But yeah, Malibu's a very small town, and I am so fortunate to have lived there for 25 years and to have been able to raise my kids there.
34:31
Dianette: You know, I I can't even count on one hand how many times my kids have been to a mall.
34:36
Dianette: It just wasn't a thing.
34:37
Dianette: Like the big thing was if you were allowed to go to the beach by yourself, or you know, with your friends.
34:43
Dianette: Yeah.
34:44
Dianette: So they they had to go through junior lifeguards to be allowed to do that.
34:47
Dianette: And then, you know, the other big thing was being allowed to go hiking with your friends, you know, with no parent present.
34:53
Dianette: Yep.
34:54
Dianette: And so, you know, those were milestones in my kids' life.
34:58
Dianette: And for me as a parent, I, you know, I was thrilled.
35:02
Dianette: Yeah.
35:02
Dianette: Um, so yeah, it the outpouring for him was amazing.
35:07
Dianette: And I will forever be grateful to everybody who showed up in every way imaginable, whether showing up with coffee in the morning or just sitting at the table with me.
35:16
Dianette: And I mean, it was amazing.
35:19
Mary: Yeah.
35:20
Mary: Yeah, that's wonderful.
35:22
Mary: Well, I think that your story overall, it's just so inspiring and amazing.
35:29
Mary: And I also love that part of what you weave through this is not that you just like I have that image of your daughter like bounding up the mountain.
35:39
Mary: And that is not really how life always goes.
35:42
Mary: And so being able to acknowledge that when you are sometimes at that starting line, you have that feeling of like, am I going to be able to do this?
35:50
Mary: And, you know, you can be, you are felled by grief when you lose a child.
35:55
Mary: And I think getting through that and pulling on whatever the lessons are of, you know, what you've already overcome and then getting back to that passion is also part of the journey because I feel like, and I think people say this, it can sound very trite, but I feel like Johnny would want you to be back out there.
36:15
Mary: Like that's part of I think that journey through how do you honor someone and still remember them?
36:23
Dianette: He sends, whenever I'm doing something like that, he he always sends the most amazing signs.
36:29
Dianette: Um, he just did it again on this last climb.
36:33
Dianette: And um, yeah, for sure.
36:35
Dianette: I I mean, I think anyone who's lost a child or a loved one, a friend, I don't think any of them want us sitting on the couch being depressed.
36:44
Dianette: That's that's not what we're here on this planet for.
36:47
Dianette: If you're here on this planet and you're breathing and and able to walk outside, they want us to be happy.
36:56
Dianette: I they don't want us dwelling in grief and sadness and sorrow.
37:00
Dianette: And so yeah, when I'm whenever if I'm skiing really fast, I feel him.
37:05
Dianette: If I'm, you know, any of those sports that I love to do, I absolutely feel him with me when I'm doing that.
37:11
Dianette: So yeah, I'll keep doing it as long as I can.
37:14
Dianette: I I would love to go back to Everest.
37:17
Dianette: That's kind of the goal.
37:18
Dianette: Yeah, and I I know he'd be with me there too.
37:21
Mary: Yeah.
37:21
Mary: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story.
37:25
Mary: Can you remind us of the name of your book and where people can find you if they want you to be a speaker or they want to know about the, you know, your services?
37:35
Dianette: Um, they can reach out to me at deanettewells at aool.com.
37:39
Dianette: They can go to my website, deanettewells.com.
37:42
Dianette: The name of the book is Another Step Up the Mountain.
37:45
Dianette: You can get it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble.
37:47
Dianette: Um, yeah, pick up the book.
37:49
Dianette: I hope you enjoy reading it.
37:50
Dianette: Yeah, and just, you know, turn off the negative voices in your head and do it anyway, right?
37:56
Dianette: Do yeah, do it anyway.
37:57
Dianette: Like, so what?
37:58
Dianette: Do it anyway.
37:59
Dianette: Yeah, this should be our thing.
38:00
Mary: Do it anyway.
38:01
Mary: Okay, so that's what we're gonna end on.
38:03
Mary: So I want to thank everyone for listening.
38:05
Mary: I would love if you would leave a quick review or even if you just um give me a quick rating, that would be awesome.
38:12
Mary: That's how other people find me.
38:13
Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.