Latest / Yes And Land / Pinocchio and Breaking Free From Your Strings | Kristin Reinbold

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Pinocchio and Breaking Free From Your Strings | Kristin Reinbold · Yes And Land

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To this day, I still feel the remorse of, and
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I remember like it was yesterday, yelling at
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my parents like, I hate you. You're not my real
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parents. The biggest takeaway for me, I think,
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was I just wanted to look her in the eye. And
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I remember writing a poem about this, being a
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kid, like a child, well before I turned 18. I
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wanted to be able to look her in the eye and
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hug the woman that had to hug me goodbye. And
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she says, no, Pinocchio, to make Geppetto's wish
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come true will be entirely up to you. Prove yourself
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brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday you
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will be a real boy. He had to do it, and he had
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to prove himself to be brave, truthful, and unselfish.
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That was what the magic was going to be in him
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becoming that, because that's how he was going
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to be a real boy. I think we all have strings
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if we're willing to really look authentically
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and be a little vulnerable with ourselves. But
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my whole life has been this up and down, you
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know, cycle with it. And for the first time in
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a long time, I can say my insides match my outsides.
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If you are not living a life that is truly fulfilling
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and is worthy of a fulfilling life, then do a
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different one. Like, just do a different one.
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Stop waiting. No one's going to save you. Do
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it for yourself. where we say yes to the reality
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of yesterday and today, and we say and to the
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possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.
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Well, welcome, everybody, to another episode
1:39
of Yes and Land. We are very excited today for
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our guest. Our guest today. is uh man she knows
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all things disney and and not just that she actually
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co -hosts a podcast called the wisdom of walt
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uh with dr disneyland himself uh and she holds
1:56
her own um and uh she she is writing a book which
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we will talk about we're so excited for when
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that ends up coming out and hits the shelves
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uh hearing more about that um she's also happens
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to be A teacher, a middle school teacher, bringing
2:13
in bits of Disney into her classroom, inspiring
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her students. And we're really excited to where
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the conversation is going to go today. Today,
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our guests welcome Kristen Reinbold. Hi, thank
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you so much for having me. It is an honor and
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a privilege to be able to sit down and talk with
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somebody else that's like minded, that just really
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appreciates not just Disney for the parks and
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for the entertainment, but for who the man was
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behind all of that. So thank you so much. Yeah,
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it's going to be really fun today. One of the
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things that we'll dive into a little bit more
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is about those types of lessons and stuff that
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we can take, both from Walt himself and also
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the things that he did. And today we're going
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to take specifically a look at classic Disney
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movie, Pinocchio. If I'm not mistaken, 1940.
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Am I getting that right? Is that when that was
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done? oh this is why we need dr disneyland he's
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the dates guy let's say it is and if it's not
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drop it in the comments yeah correct i think
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that's what it is when when my daughters and
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i were watching it on old disney plus i think
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that's what i said and i was like i didn't realize
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it was that long ago i didn't realize it was
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that old because i don't seem that old but i'm
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like well okay i guess you know i mean i wasn't
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alive when it came out but i definitely watched
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it as a child watched it as a young lad and you
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know what was gonna be fun today is we're gonna
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talk a little bit about probably makes a lot
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of sense talking about pinocchio is kind of breaking
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free from the strings that might hold us down
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or keep us restricted and uh we should have a
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fun conversation today about how we can do that
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and again taking some more lessons from uh walt
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disney himself so you know kristen maybe take
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us back a little bit what i always like to do
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is get to learn a little bit more about our guests
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and kind of where they're from their their personal
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stories so take us back like where where did
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you grow up so i was actually Adopted as a baby.
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So I was born in Oregon and adopted. It was prearranged.
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So I wasn't able to meet my biological parents
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for safety reasons. Adopted right as a baby.
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And then about two years old, my adopted family
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relocated us here to Las Vegas. I'm now 42. I
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just turned 42 last week. So I've been here in
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Vegas for 40 of my 42 years of life. My goodness.
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And I should say. Unless I'm mistaken, I'm remembering
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incorrectly. Your birthday is July 29th. Because
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your birthday is July 29th. Because that's my
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birthday. Hey, everybody. The best birthday ever.
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We should get, like, tattoos now or something.
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Make it official. Leo. That's why we get along
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so well. Yeah, we're Leos. We're, like, I've
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been told. I've been told that we're cheater
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Leos, right? Because Leos are August normally,
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but we're, like, the little bit of July that's
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a Leo. So, hey, you know what? I'm still a Leo.
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They changed it later. But when we were born
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in 84, it was considered Leo. So dang it, I'm
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sticking to that. That's right. That's right.
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So you've been in Vegas for a very long time.
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So what was life like growing up, having been
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adopted? Did you know you were adopted? Was that
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a conversation y 'all had about being adopted?
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Or was there a point in time where your parents
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sat you down and said, hey, by the way, Kristen,
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you are adopted? Yeah, what a great question.
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And that's one thing that I dive in quite heavily
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throughout the book that we'll touch more on
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later. My parents, and I'm going to start by
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saying this, and it took me a very long time
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to be able to really believe what I'm about to
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say, but my parents did the absolute best and
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made decisions according to the information they
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had at the time. What I mean by that is, to answer
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your question in short, I've always... known,
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I was adopted. It was never this like dramatic
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sit down moment with like, you know, the Netflix,
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you know, a challenge that's going on right now,
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but on socials, like there wasn't the Netflix
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background music of like, we need to talk. I've
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always known. In fact, their exact vernacular
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for it was we got to pick you out special. And
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what was interesting about that is my biological
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Excuse me, my adopted parents, including my brother,
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who's not blood related, but was my parents that
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adopted me, their child. They all had dark brown
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eyes and dark brown or black hair. My brother
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is very tall, very thin, very athletic, went
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on to be a doctor. I'm not built that same way.
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And so like growing up, it was very difficult
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because while I felt special. Right. Because
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when you're told over and over, we got to pick
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you out special. You feel like, oh, OK. but then
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there's also another side of it where you don't
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have that identity to the very people that say
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i love you and call you theirs and so there's
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this huge dichotomy of except acceptance versus
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abandonment and so i struggled big time with
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that um we used to call it you know really big
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feelings little body like i i felt all of these
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confusing emotions and back then right so i was
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born in 84 It wasn't really something a lot of
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people talked about. I didn't have any other
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friends that were adopted, so I didn't really
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have anyone to turn to to talk to about these
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things. And unfortunately, I spent a lot of my
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life, especially my teenage years, really battling
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and fighting back against my parents. To this
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day, and I'm just going to jump in and be raw
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here, but to this day, I still feel the remorse
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of, and I remember it like it was yesterday.
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Yelling at my parents, like, I hate you. You're
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not my real parents. And being a mom now with
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two children, like, the heaviness of that, you
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know, knowing now what it feels like to carry
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a child physically, the idea of giving a child
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away even for a better life, like, the gravity
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of that is just so profound. So, yeah. You know,
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we're going to talk about Pinocchio, but it always
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reminds me whenever I talk with people about
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the... being adopted and thinking about like
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somebody giving you up it always reminds me of
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maui right because now we you know in the story
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when he's explaining all these tattoos like the
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idea is that like his parents threw him into
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the ocean to give him up and he has to be saved
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and to be made a demigod so that he can survive
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and that's why his whole life he's just out for
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the praise of man because he's trying to have
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that sense of belonging and like he matters like
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it it's like something in life matters for him
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because he was just cast out into the ocean and
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so you're talking about that and just reminding
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me like i can totally understand how those would
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be natural emotions that would come up like oh
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but i was abandoned yes they chose me but i was
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also abandoned Yes, absolutely. And I think what
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made it even more difficult is I've been a writer
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since I came out. I make a joke that like it's
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no sooner did I was I born, you know, I had a
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pencil in my hand. And I remember writing journal
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after journal, these like elaborate stories about
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what my life was going to be like once I made
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it back home. and I dreamed up, and I genuinely
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believed that my biological family was just waiting
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for me. You know, they had to just get their
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stuff figured out for 18 years, but magically
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after 18 years, they were going to have, and
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it sounds so silly to say, but I genuinely believed
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they were going to have a home on the cliffs
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of Oregon waiting for me. There was going to
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be a fun setup for my college. I was going to
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be able to go back to Oregon State, which is
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where my dad graduated, my adopted dad. And I
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just literally, I would write poems about it
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and short stories. I even drew, and I'm a terrible
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artist, but I would even draw pictures of what
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that life looked like. And it was just this longing.
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And I love that you mentioned Maui because I
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think that's what helped me fall in love with
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and resonate with Disney storytelling from such
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a young age is because it's the hero's journey,
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right? Over and over and over. Looking for something,
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whether it's a relationship or a sense of home
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or a purpose or their special power, you know,
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we're all seeking. And I think I spent so much
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of my life seeking for something out there that
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was going to fulfill this, like, you know, gaping
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hole in me. And so it's been 42 years of just
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really discovering. discovering the truth in
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that and realizing that there is nothing out
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there that's going to fulfill that. It's an inner
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work that I have to do in myself. And then once
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you find that, you find peace. And that's a lot
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to going back to the book, a lot of kind of what
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the book is about. Did you ever end up connecting
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with your biological parents? Yeah. So again,
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I have to practice this by saying my... Adopted
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parents, David and Linda, did a beautiful job
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and did the best that they could. But for much
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of my life, I was told that my biological father
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was killed in a logging accident. He was a lumber
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guy up in Oregon. And I don't have the full story
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if that was told to them and they believed it
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or they shared that with me because they were
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just trying to protect me. But it ended up being
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he was not a guy that you would want to meet.
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I wanted to take a second and shout out another
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show I've been really into lately. It's called
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The Wisdom of Walt. Didn't expect to get hooked
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the way that I did, but here we are. If you like
11:30
what we do here, I think you'll really vibe with
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that one too. So go check it out. Yeah, no doubt.
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So you're, you are kind of going through this
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like struggle of being adopted and not like feeling
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necessarily a part of your adopted family. Once
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you're 18, your parents make you this promise
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that you can go meet your biological mother.
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Was she still in Oregon when you did that? Yeah,
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she was. She was right where we left her. Yeah,
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yeah. Yeah, we'll just say on the coast of Oregon.
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And yeah, that was surreal. The biggest takeaway
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for me, I think, was I just wanted to look her
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in the eye. And I remember writing a poem about
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this. Being a kid, like a child, well before
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I turned 18, I wanted to be able to look her
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in the eye and hug the woman that had to hug
12:25
me goodbye and to say thank you. And even at
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18, I thought that I was ready for that interaction.
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I thought, you know, and I've raised a now 21
12:36
-year -old, and my son is 15, and I teach middle
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schoolers for a living. Like, they definitely
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believe that once they're 18, they are adults,
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and they know what they're doing, and I sure
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as heck did too. I was not at all ready. Quite
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frankly, I don't think I was ready until maybe
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40, you know, until I really had done some living.
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But it was unfortunate because remember that
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reality that I painted for myself through my
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writing and through my drawings and, you know,
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just the daydreams that I would have about what
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my life was going to look like. It was the complete
13:12
opposite. The home was basically getting. repossessed
13:16
they had an outhouse uh porta potty in the front
13:20
yard um they had asked me for money i was 18
13:25
years old they had asked me for money to help
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pay for groceries um just some really bizarre
13:30
things and so it was definitely a culture shock
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and it was weird um and i don't think i really
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made this connection until i'm saying it out
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loud to you right now but i think there was this
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whole identity crisis in me because again i spent
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18 years of my life believing something Feeling
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kind of this dichotomy of emotions, feeling pulled
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in two different directions, believing that something
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else is out there that's going to fix it for
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18 years. And then 18 years later, you go to
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discover that what you thought was there was
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not at all what you had planned. I mean, isn't
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that life, right? And now what? Now the very
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thing that I thought that I was going to identify
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with and was going to be welcomed in is not it.
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and i had to bail like i left i was supposed
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to be there two whole weeks with them and i ended
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up leaving early because it was it was not the
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the best most safe situation for me so it was
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it was hard it was really hard to come back from
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that what what were your emotions you experienced
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in the aftermath of that so you go you have that
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you have to leave early because it's not a safe
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place for you to be in one sense i think this
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world that you had created kind of came crashing
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broke creating your mind he kind of come crashing
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down because it didn't really exist and wasn't
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going to exist what was that like in the aftermath
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i think we just discovered something like in
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real time it makes perfect sense now the aftermath
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of that for me was to jump in to things that
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made me feel accepted, welcomed, and loved. Now,
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let me say that my parents did nothing but show
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me love, acceptance, and support. They were in
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all of my games. They had me in every type of
15:10
activity I could possibly be in. They were amazing
15:13
servants of God in the church and so loving and
15:16
home -cooked meals. And from the outside, people
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would look at me and be like, what do you mean?
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What more could you possibly want? And I think
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that's what was so frustrating. My mom, I remember,
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would used to cry and say, we've done everything.
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We know you're still not happy. What else can
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we do? And not having the answer to that was
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so frustrating. But coming back from that, the
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aftermath was, okay, I'm going to dive into very
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toxic, unhealthy relationships with men that
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I probably shouldn't be with because at least
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it's giving me a sense of belonging and they're
15:47
not going to leave. So I thought. And I think
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that that kind of explains why I was so quick
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to jump into these relationships and then so
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quick to jump into marriage way too young, more
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than once. So I think that that can all be, speaking
16:04
of Pinocchio and strings, I think that can all
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be tethered back to my unrest and my unsettling
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relationship with my own adoption. It is interesting
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how things that happen for us at such a young
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age can carry through the things that we experience.
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What do you think for you were the good things
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that came from that? Because in things that we
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experience, there can be obviously a lot of downsides,
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right? Getting into a relationship too early,
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you're looking for that sense of belonging. You're
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looking for someone who's going to have you be
16:38
theirs and choose you. And that didn't work out
16:42
because they weren't the right people you were
16:44
jumping into quickly. Were there any things that
16:47
you found that that did, that were good for you,
16:50
that helped you, that gave you some extra things
16:54
that other people maybe didn't have without those
16:56
experiences? Yeah, the two things that come to
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my mind are Brighton and David. Brighton is my
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daughter that came from my first marriage. And
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that one, that was a very difficult one. That
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was probably, That 18 years of having to co -parent
17:14
with that particular person, he who should go
17:18
unnamed, was the thing that almost killed me.
17:22
And yet, the most beautiful thing that helped
17:27
me grow as a woman and as a mother and as a friend
17:30
and as an empath was my daughter. And I know
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it sounds cliche, but... She would not be the
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way that she is and wired the way that she is
17:42
if it weren't for her father being in the picture.
17:44
And so if that's the only good thing that came
17:46
of it, I would do it all over again. And then
17:49
this thing could be said for my son, David. Yeah,
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raising a child with autism is very difficult.
17:53
There's a lot of milestones that he will never
17:55
achieve, and we never got to experience as a
17:58
family that a neurotypical family would be able
18:00
to. And it was unfortunate that his dad and I
18:05
and our relationship didn't work out. We became
18:09
two entirely different people. And I say this
18:11
with love and grace, but his dad stayed stuck,
18:15
if that makes sense, and did not grow, did not
18:17
evolve and stayed right where he was when I met
18:20
him. And, you know, you can only stay for so
18:22
long. And so, again, David, I've been asked before,
18:27
you know, if there's a medication out there,
18:28
if there's a pill or an injection that would
18:30
like take away his autism, would you do it? I
18:34
know a lot of people would say, yeah, but I don't
18:36
think I could because everything that I know
18:38
about David and everything that I'm able to love
18:41
about him, I think is a direct result of his
18:43
autism and his spirit and his gentleness. And
18:45
so those are the two things that I realized,
18:47
man, even in the dark times and in the storms
18:52
and in the turbulence and in the self -doubt
18:55
and in the courtrooms and the custody battles,
18:57
like beautiful things can come from ashes. I'm
19:02
now in a reflective place where I can see that,
19:04
you know, I'm so much removed from the darkness
19:06
that I'm able to really see the light and what
19:08
they brought. Oh yeah. And the other part of
19:11
that too is, um, I had to be a single mom for
19:14
a while. Um, and I raised two kids as a single
19:17
mom and I had to go on welfare temporarily so
19:20
that I can make ends meet and provide for the
19:23
kids while I put myself through college. And
19:25
so seeing me kind of go through this change of
19:30
I need something else or somebody else to fulfill
19:32
me, to make me feel complete and to help me feel
19:36
enough. Well, time and time again, I was coming
19:39
up empty. And so you could only do that for so
19:41
long before my dad would say, you know, cowgirl
19:43
up. And so I did. I cowgirled up and I didn't
19:46
wait for a hero. I didn't wait for a man to save
19:49
me. I'm like, all right, let's do this. And I
19:51
did. And that's really freaking cool. And that's
19:54
something I'm really proud of because both of
19:56
my children. We're able to witness that like,
19:59
OK, you want something bad enough. You're going
20:02
to do what it takes to get to get to that success.
20:05
And so, yeah, I think there were some really
20:06
good things that came out of it. I think like
20:08
it's really important. And thank you for asking,
20:10
because I think it's so easy for us to dwell
20:12
on the negative. And, oh, what was me? And it
20:14
was so, so much of a dark time. But, man, there's
20:18
two sides of it. You know, what that look like
20:20
for you? Because I mean, obviously, like divorce
20:23
these days is way more common than it used to
20:25
be. Right. i do divorces all day every day and
20:28
it happens a lot i remember growing up i had
20:30
one friend that had divorced parents one and
20:33
and we didn't really understand it at all we're
20:34
like wait your parents don't live together like
20:35
we didn't get it right and now it's so common
20:37
and what i'm hearing from your story is that
20:39
at some point in time you realize like i don't
20:43
have to have somebody else i can have me and
20:47
then if i find somebody else that augments what
20:50
i have then great i don't have to have them What
20:53
did that look like for you? Because I think there's
20:55
a lot of women especially that can learn from
20:59
your experiences that might be feeling like a
21:01
lack of hope after going through a rough breakup
21:05
or a tough marriage and feeling a little bit
21:07
of despair about it. Sure. Wow. I think this
21:13
goes hand in hand with something we haven't talked
21:15
about yet. And that's some of the issues I had
21:17
with like food addiction and like looking for
21:20
things to soothe and to fill that hole again
21:23
inside. And so when you are not content, and
21:28
I think sometimes we get confused by what that
21:30
word means, at least for me, content is being
21:35
at peace with the situation and circumstances
21:38
that are before you. I think we live in a world
21:42
that makes it difficult for us to be that way.
21:44
We're very much in a consumer society. I mean,
21:46
if you looked at my credit card bill and how
21:48
many times I order Amazon in a given week, like
21:50
we constantly are needing things, right? And
21:53
I use that word very loosely. In order for us
21:58
to be content, I think we also have to be okay
22:00
with the quiet and the reflection that we see
22:06
in the mirror. And what I mean by that is who
22:09
we really are. Not our jobs, not our position
22:13
in a relationship, not our position in a family,
22:16
but who we are, our passions, our skill sets,
22:20
our desires, all of those things. When you take
22:22
time to get to know that, which Kristen didn't,
22:26
you know, the old Kristen didn't for a very,
22:28
very long time. I didn't slow down enough to
22:32
get to know me, to grow me, to develop me because
22:36
I was so busy chasing after all these other things
22:38
that when finally all of that fell away, I was
22:41
really in a position where I had no other option.
22:45
And in that stillness, which is, it takes courage,
22:49
right? It takes guts and there's bravery there,
22:51
right? To be okay with the silence. I think that's
22:53
sometimes why people stay so busy and they can't
22:57
just stop. Because once you stop and once you
23:00
allow the silence, then you allow the reality
23:03
of your environment and those thoughts to kind
23:06
of come in and you have to kind of deal with
23:07
some things. I think the most beautiful relationship
23:12
and the one thing that I can say to women, especially
23:15
for anybody that might be going through this,
23:18
is the most important relationship. And I'm not
23:21
talking about God or anything religious, but
23:24
I truly believe the most important relationship.
23:26
that you should take time, intentional time,
23:29
to build and harvest is the one with yourself.
23:33
My dad called it his inner Indian, and it was
23:37
that still small voice, kind of like Jiminy Cricket,
23:39
that would guide you, that would communicate
23:42
with you if you're willing to listen. So many
23:46
of us aren't willing to do that, or we get scared,
23:49
or we stay busy, or, you know, distracted. Because
23:53
I think if you allow yourself to really lean
23:55
into what that voice is saying, a lot of things
23:58
become clear. You start to realize who you are,
24:00
what you stand for, your value systems, what
24:04
you deserve, and you start to tolerate less of
24:08
the things that don't serve you. And I think
24:12
if we don't take the time to do that, we tend
24:14
to fall into cycles or behaviors or relationships
24:16
where we are consuming and experiencing things
24:20
that... That we have no business, right? That
24:23
are below us, that aren't meant for us. And,
24:28
you know, my food addiction got to a point because
24:31
it was a relationship with food, right? I think
24:33
everything goes back to relationships. And a
24:35
lot of people don't believe it, but I was 250
24:37
pounds. And I just recently, for a second time,
24:40
lost over 100 pounds. But my whole life has been
24:44
this up and down, you know, cycle with it. And
24:46
for the first time in a long time, I can say
24:48
my insides. match my outsides. Um, and I like
24:53
that now because for a while it was that, that
24:56
same thing was true. My insides were junk and
24:59
dark and chaos. And therefore my exterior was
25:03
the same. And so I think it goes back to that
25:06
relationship with yourself, get that right first.
25:10
And it's not about getting yourself ready to
25:13
be the mate of somebody else. I know some of
25:16
the conditioning I had in church growing up was
25:18
like that was my life's mission was to be the
25:20
best mate for somebody else. And I respectfully
25:22
disagree. I think my life's purpose is to like
25:25
get in touch with this person here, love her
25:29
well and in a healthy manner so that when I do
25:32
meet somebody else that's at that same length,
25:35
like you said, we we can pair and become a good
25:38
team at that point. Yeah, I think it's a really
25:41
actually, I think, beautiful tie into Pinocchio.
25:45
And as you were talking about that, I kept looking
25:49
at this quote I've written down from it. And
25:52
this is the quote where I think it's the – I
25:54
don't know what she is. She's a fairy. She's
25:57
an angel. Whatever. She's a blue fairy. Okay.
25:59
That's what she is. And she's talking with Pinocchio
26:04
about this wish that Geppetto had. And she says,
26:08
no, Pinocchio, to make Geppetto's wish come true
26:10
will be entirely up to you. Prove yourself brave.
26:14
truthful, and unselfish, and someday you will
26:17
be a real boy. And so it was him that had to
26:21
do it. It couldn't be because Geppetto wanted
26:24
it for him. That wasn't going to happen, right?
26:27
He had to do it, and he had to prove himself
26:30
to be brave, truthful, and unselfish. And that
26:33
was what the magic was going to be in him becoming
26:35
that, because that's how he was going to be a
26:37
real boy. Well, and I love the foreshadowing
26:40
in that, like watching it now as an adult, especially
26:42
as an English teacher, I'm able to like pick
26:44
up on these things, these devices. But the foreshadowing
26:47
of it is by her saying that it sets the stage
26:50
for the adventures he's about to go on. So that
26:52
was what he had to do. But in order for him to
26:55
be able to prove himself, the story doesn't stop
26:59
there. He has to actually go through some of
27:01
these darker times and these trials and tribulations
27:04
to be able to prove himself of those things.
27:08
And the only way you're able to really show your
27:10
true colors and show what you're made of and
27:13
your innermost character is by going through
27:16
the fire and going through that process of difficult
27:19
times and dark times. And I think that's where
27:21
a lot of people stop. You know, there's a whole
27:23
other side of that story. If you're not willing
27:27
to go through those things and to learn those
27:30
important, valuable lessons along the way, then
27:33
you don't really allow yourself the opportunity
27:34
to bring that to fruition. And I love that you
27:38
pointed out that it wasn't somebody else that
27:43
could do it for him, which is ironic because
27:46
Geppetto was the one that wished for him. And
27:49
essentially, he's the one that crafted him with
27:51
his own hands. So by definition, you would think
27:55
that he would be the one that could do all of
27:58
those things for Pinocchio. But just like with
28:00
Dumbo and the feather, like it ultimately came
28:03
down to him. and what's inside of him which again
28:07
all the more reason proves why we have to be
28:09
willing to do the inside work no matter what
28:13
that takes to be able to get that external outside
28:15
result And I think what you're saying is actually
28:19
a really important lesson I think sometimes is
28:21
misunderstood with Pinocchio specifically and
28:24
the song, right? A Dreamage Wish Your Heart Makes.
28:27
And this idea that like, oh, if you just wish
28:29
for something, it comes true. And people will
28:31
sometimes criticize that idea of like, well,
28:34
you can't just wish. But I think the lesson here
28:36
is that you're not. Like, that's how it starts.
28:39
You've got to start with. that is the dream that
28:42
you have that's the wish you have and now what
28:44
does it take to do it it takes it takes work
28:47
to do it it takes going through these hard experiences
28:50
learning what it is to lie and have your nose
28:52
grow or go become a donkey in fantasy island
28:56
or whatever the weird place was that he had to
28:57
go acid trip right he had to go through those
29:02
things so he could become it so the wish starts
29:06
it and i do think it's important to dream i do
29:08
think it's important to wish And then you've
29:10
got to do the work for it. It doesn't just happen
29:12
for you. I think I think that's something that
29:14
sometimes gets lost that no, like this story
29:17
is really about doing something. I agree. And
29:20
I think that we have to be careful because I
29:22
knew I fell for it. You know, back in the day,
29:24
we would push in our VHS tape, you know, crack
29:26
open our clamshell case and push it in. And,
29:29
you know, I'd have to rewind it to watch it over
29:31
and over again. But, you know, you figure a classic
29:34
Disney film is about 80 minutes, maybe a little
29:36
bit longer, 120 if you're pushing it. But in
29:39
that time span, you go through the whole journey,
29:42
right? You go through the whole hero's journey
29:44
and they live happily ever after. And man, that
29:45
looks pretty good. And you watch that over and
29:48
over and over. And I think we kind of take for
29:52
granted the real work that goes on. Like that's
29:56
just a snippet, you know, or a highlight reel,
30:00
if you will, of what our own journeys are. And
30:04
I think I was kind of blindsided by, oh, wait.
30:07
yeah the happily ever after is out there but
30:10
oh lord does it look different than my 80 minute
30:13
vhs tape you know conditioned me to believe for
30:16
a while um yeah and that was kind of a it was
30:19
a hard pill to swallow yeah yeah you it's it
30:22
sometimes will romanticize it from those shows
30:26
right and just pay attention to happily ever
30:28
after and not really pay attention that this
30:30
is just emblematic of the full arc that it needs
30:33
to be and how long That journey sometimes will
30:36
take of those little detours, right? Like, oh,
30:39
it's not a five minute detour in life. Sometimes
30:41
it's a five year detour. Sometimes it was, you
30:44
know, for me, a nine year marriage that ended
30:46
in divorce, right? Sometimes that's what it is.
30:48
It's this long thing that doesn't just happen
30:51
overnight. So one of the one of the things I
30:56
want to get your thoughts on here, because it's
30:58
this interesting idea of. of authenticity you
31:03
know being who you are versus like also growing
31:07
right having growth not being fixed i think you've
31:10
mentioned it with your second husband that like
31:12
what he was he just always stayed there he never
31:14
grew he never did any work so here's a quote
31:17
from bernie brown who we adore uh and it says
31:20
true belonging doesn't require you to change
31:23
who you are it requires you to be who you are
31:25
so with with that being the case like if we're
31:30
going to belong it needs to be belonging and
31:32
who we actually are how do you resolve that with
31:37
the idea too that we should have a growth mindset
31:40
that we should grow and improve and and become
31:42
better that's a that's an amazing question and
31:47
what's funny is the more that we we explore these
31:52
ideas almost all of them go back to a chapter
31:55
in my book i have a chapter called chameleon
31:58
kristin And I knew when I was a little girl that
32:01
I was going to one day write something about
32:04
Chameleon Kristen because I could recognize from
32:07
a young age my adaptability because I was so
32:10
hungry for acceptance and I was so, you know,
32:13
on this mission to find fulfillment and, you
32:16
know, belonging that I was darn near ready to
32:20
do just about anything to get there. And there
32:23
was just a constant, you know, evolving. um to
32:26
meet the needs of the people around me and I
32:28
had no self -esteem I had like no boundaries
32:31
no barometer for my own self -worth and unfortunately
32:34
that got me into a lot of very interesting predicaments
32:37
which was very easy to do growing up in Las Vegas
32:39
and we'll just leave it at that um but going
32:45
back to your question like how do you resolve
32:47
that by also keeping that growth mindset I think
32:50
it goes back to knowing your value what you will
32:55
stand for, what your worth genuinely is, the
33:02
more you're able to readily recognize that, the
33:06
more you're able to say no thank you to everything
33:08
else around you that does not fall in line with
33:10
that. Now, I believe wholeheartedly because I've
33:13
done it over the past couple of years, especially
33:15
in this deep dive of finally writing my first
33:18
memoir, is you are able to hold tight to that
33:23
when you're ready. while also learning from other
33:27
people that can bring additional value or different
33:32
belief systems to the table. And that also goes
33:37
along with being okay with disagreeing. I've
33:41
had a lot of very uncomfortable conversations
33:43
with people that are themed entertainment executives.
33:49
I will not name which type of themed entertainment,
33:51
but I think you might know what they are. A lot
33:54
of people that I look up to that I just don't
33:56
see eye to eye or we don't have the same belief
33:59
system and value system that I knew would keep
34:01
us from being able to work together. And that's
34:04
a tricky one, right? Because now you're talking
34:06
like there's a financial tie to it. There's a
34:08
business side to it. And I would be walking away
34:10
from really amazing opportunities and clout and
34:13
income. But yet, because I've done the work.
34:17
for a long time to really ground myself in who
34:20
I am and what I stand for, I'm less likely to
34:23
change to meet that person's need because I know
34:26
that that's no longer going to serve me because
34:28
I'm okay with who I am over here. And again,
34:31
that sounds a lot easier said than done, but
34:33
the only way you're able to go about doing that
34:35
is daily intentional investment in yourself.
34:40
Now, I don't know if you know of or if you're
34:41
a fan of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Have you ever heard
34:45
of him by chance? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So a lot
34:48
of people are kind of like, oh, that's frou -frou.
34:50
But taking ownership of like your own thought
34:54
process and how you see yourself and rebuilding,
34:57
you build a new reality by building a new personality.
35:00
And it's okay to change so long as you're changing
35:04
for the better to become a better version of
35:06
yourself. I think that's well said. I think it's
35:10
well said because, you know, who we are. at our
35:14
core we we have kind of who we are and what our
35:18
values are and the way that we behave becomes
35:22
a manifestation of what we truly value in life
35:24
and if if what if what we're doing is we're growing
35:28
into the best version of ourselves that's that's
35:31
who we are right so we can still grow because
35:34
it's just what's what is the best version of
35:37
who i am right like You know, it's interesting
35:39
you mentioned chameleon. I don't know if you
35:40
are an Enneagram person at all. Do you follow
35:43
Enneagram personality test? So I am, and I am
35:49
a number three, okay? So for anybody who doesn't
35:52
know what that means, basically it means that
35:53
number three, they call it the entertainer. And
35:57
a number three can wear a lot of hats. And so
36:02
it's this double -edged sword. of a number three
36:04
because you can easily adapt to situations and
36:07
be a chameleon to assimilate into a situation
36:10
to hopefully you know make other people feel
36:12
comfortable or to you know adapt to a new audience
36:15
or a new group of people right to help them be
36:19
comfortable help you be comfortable and it can
36:22
also Do the opposite. It can mean that you're
36:24
phony and that you're fake and that you aren't
36:28
authentically yourself. You're just changing
36:29
to what the expectation is of you in that moment
36:32
and what you think they want. And that can be
36:34
really negative. And so I have these two versions
36:37
of me, right? If I'm authentically myself, it's
36:41
going to be the version that can assimilate in.
36:44
for the benefit of others that can help others
36:47
feel comfortable. It's more outward facing. And
36:49
if it's not, then it's really just inward facing
36:51
and it's to serve me so that I'm not uncomfortable,
36:53
right? So I can fit in and people will like me,
36:55
right? And so the growth mentality pushes me
36:58
to the better version and the version that's
37:01
not authentically me pushes me to the bad version.
37:03
So I like your description of it being, we can
37:05
still grow being who we truly are. Right. Yeah,
37:09
I think it's having a sense of grounding while
37:12
also kind of like Walt Disney, right? He always
37:14
had one foot in the past while he was always
37:16
looking to the future. And I think you can only
37:19
do that with time and wisdom and maturity. And
37:24
as you're describing me in number three, I did
37:26
that test forever ago, but it wouldn't surprise
37:29
me if I'm the same one. And I think that's what
37:31
makes people like us really good. And I say that
37:35
with humility, authentic humility. really good
37:38
at our craft because I can walk into a classroom
37:40
in a given day and teach 120 teenagers that all
37:45
come at me with different needs, IEPs, disabilities,
37:48
emotional disrupt, like you name it, right? And
37:52
in that moment, I have to be able to read the
37:54
room and tap in to make sure everyone's needs
37:57
are met while also teaching them state curriculum.
38:01
And if you're not wired that way to kind of be
38:03
that chameleon and turn it on, turn it off and
38:05
pivot, You're going to get eaten alive. And I
38:07
think, correct me if I'm wrong, but I can only
38:09
assume that that skill, and I'm going to call
38:11
it a superpower, is what you probably have to
38:14
use as you represent so many different people
38:16
in the court of law. Even when you walk into
38:19
a courtroom, you may or may not have the same
38:21
judge or the same other opposing counsel. And
38:23
you've got to be able to pick up on that and
38:25
their nuances and know how to pivot and position
38:28
yourself to win that case. It's totally true.
38:32
Yeah, we've got to master it. Yeah, when I meet
38:35
with people in an initial consultation and I've
38:38
never met them before, I have to be able to pick
38:41
up on what they're feeling in that moment, what
38:44
their emotions are, and trying to match it. Because
38:47
I can't go in with my normal, like, happy -go
38:50
-lucky attitude with someone who is, yeah, right,
38:54
who's really feeling the weight and the emotions
38:56
of it. I have to read it, and then I have to
38:59
bring it down to their level. Still authentically
39:01
me, right? but bring it to their level so that
39:05
i can engage in that conversation in a way that
39:07
they can hear and we can have good communication
39:09
so you're right yeah it's a it's a skill that
39:11
can definitely be beneficial when you're dealing
39:14
with those kinds of situations so i have yeah
39:17
go ahead go ahead let me just say really quick
39:19
the other side of that too which which is a double
39:21
-edged sword and has been a detriment um is when
39:25
you're able to pick up on the emotions and nuances
39:28
of others and then cater to them that is extremely
39:32
taxing and draining and you start to feel the
39:35
weight of the world right a lot of times the
39:37
term I think is empath where because you're able
39:39
to do that so well all day long things affect
39:43
you a lot more than it would you know your average
39:46
bear and so there's been an art to learning how
39:49
to separate myself from that too it kind of goes
39:51
back to how do you stay a chameleon with a you
39:53
know stay rooted and grounded while also adapting
39:58
and growing I think you have to stay Stay disconnected
40:03
emotionally enough so that you can preserve yourself
40:05
and have appropriate boundaries while also still
40:08
carrying with a whole heart. I wish I knew the
40:11
complete recipe to that. But that also, in addition
40:14
to everything else, takes practice. It takes
40:16
you doing the work and the daily, the intentional
40:19
practice of that to master it. It's a thing that
40:22
I've talked about a couple of times on this podcast
40:25
before, but I learned it from Adam Grant and
40:27
Brene Brown, where they talk about the difference
40:28
between. Empathy and enmeshment. Empathy is good.
40:33
You want to empathize. But when it then becomes
40:35
enmeshment and you're enmeshed in the emotions
40:38
with that person, that's where it becomes problematic.
40:41
That's where you have the negative impact on
40:43
you because you've crossed over into enmeshment.
40:47
And that's hard. I mean, I'm sure you, you know,
40:48
you're teaching these kids and you're. trying
40:50
to inspire them to learn and and yet some of
40:53
them are probably really hard situations some
40:54
of them probably have terrible home situations
40:56
and you know terrible examples and and it would
40:59
be really easy for you just to be worried about
41:02
these poor kids all the time at home on the weekends
41:05
what's what's been the key for you to be able
41:08
to have empathy in the moment for them but not
41:13
get enmeshed in those emotions take them on as
41:15
your own and take them home what's been the key
41:17
for you Oh, my gosh. The key to that is a few
41:20
years of not doing it the right way. A few years
41:23
of wearing it so much and literally like a cloak
41:26
that I would then bring home that I, you know,
41:30
I hit burnout head on. And so I learned really
41:33
quick if I want to do this for the long haul,
41:35
which I do, I got to go about it differently.
41:37
And how I approach it now is that when I show
41:40
up, these students know that I give them 110
41:43
percent. while they are in my control, while
41:47
they are in my scope and sphere of influence.
41:50
But I've had to realize as a parent and as an
41:54
educator, my impact and legacy can only go so
41:58
far. I cannot undo 15 years of parenting. I just
42:03
can't. I could be the teacher of the year every
42:06
year all daggum day, but I cannot undo X, Y,
42:11
and Z, nor can I change what they go home to.
42:14
But what I can control and what I make sure I
42:17
do well is that when they step in my classroom,
42:20
they know that they are valued, that they matter,
42:22
that they are loved. And I tell them that from
42:24
day one and it makes them all uncomfortable and
42:26
I love it. I look them each in the eye and I
42:28
say, I love you. And I just let them sit with
42:31
that for a second. Like, I love who you are.
42:33
I love that you're in my class. I love that you
42:35
have a story that I don't know yet. And I love
42:37
that I have a year with you to get to know that
42:39
story. And then I just keep showing up and I
42:41
remain consistent. But then I also know that
42:44
when I check out, which is right at that bell
42:46
when it's time to go, because I used to stay
42:48
hours late and work on the weekends, but that
42:51
didn't serve me, right? Me showing up on an empty
42:55
tank because I gave too much doesn't serve anybody.
42:58
It doesn't serve my students on Monday, and it
42:59
sure as heck doesn't serve my family or myself.
43:02
So now I know that once I'm able to turn that
43:04
off and I hop in that car, it takes practice.
43:08
You just got to drop it and say, okay. That door's
43:12
closed for a little bit. Now I get to go and
43:14
be 110 % for my family. Because my son and my
43:19
own children and my husband need me just as much,
43:21
if not more, as my students do. And I need myself,
43:24
too. There's times where I've had to learn to
43:27
say, I love y 'all, but mama needs a minute.
43:30
I just need some quiet. And so I intentionally
43:32
started to get up at 4 o 'clock in the morning
43:34
because I knew, and I'm not a morning person,
43:36
but it took practice. I knew that in order for
43:38
me to... check all the boxes. I've got to invest
43:41
in me first, right? Like my oxygen mask first,
43:44
then I can help treat everybody else the rest
43:46
of the day. And that's been a huge game changer.
43:48
Quite frankly, Ryan, that's how I was able to
43:50
write an entire book in less than a year is because
43:53
I had to intentionally carve that time out and
43:55
invest in me going back to that relationship
43:58
early on. I think what you're highlighting really
44:01
effectively is why boundaries are important.
44:06
And I think I've really like struggled a lot
44:10
with the way that people use boundaries, you
44:13
know, in recent years, because I think too many
44:15
times people are using it as, as a weapon to
44:19
break, break down or, or, or cast off somebody
44:23
or use it to slash somebody else. Right. And
44:26
in reality, at least in so far as I understand
44:29
in the way that I connect with it is the boundary
44:31
is about. building better relationships and so
44:34
you can have a better relationship with your
44:36
students if you have the boundary of the things
44:38
at school stay at school because now i can be
44:41
a better version of myself and my boundary is
44:43
now i'm at home and my boundary is now i get
44:46
to be at home so my relationship with my family
44:49
is better because i have that boundary in place
44:52
and so it's about building those relationships
44:54
as opposed to just excluding or or being unkind
44:58
to somebody else because I've got some some boundary
45:01
and it's more about my behavior than it's about
45:04
their behavior. Absolutely. I think that's a
45:07
beautiful thing to point out. And I think the
45:09
better you get at boundaries, which takes a while,
45:12
because when you start, especially when you don't
45:13
have any or you have very loose boundaries and
45:16
you really start working on that and you implement
45:18
them in your relationships and in your work life,
45:20
it ticks off a lot of people because it makes
45:22
them uncomfortable nine times out of 10 because
45:24
they don't have appropriate healthy boundaries.
45:27
So Jeff actually just told me this week a great
45:31
quote, and I was like, that's genius. He's like,
45:33
if people are upset when you start to enforce
45:36
your boundaries, it's because it's working. I
45:38
was like, oh, because we don't like to upset
45:40
people. We don't like to make waves. But that
45:44
is a telltale sign that, okay, the boundary is
45:47
actually working. If it's making you uncomfortable,
45:49
that's not my intention, and I certainly don't
45:51
derive joy from that. Sometimes people have to
45:54
feel uncomfortable for a little bit to change
45:56
behavior. Yeah. That's how behavior modification
45:58
works, at least in the world. But if they care
46:01
about you and if they want to have a relationship
46:03
with you, then they'll understand what that boundary
46:06
is and respect it. And then it can enhance the
46:09
relationship. But they have to. Yeah. Yeah, for
46:13
sure. So, OK, one of the things I wanted to circle
46:17
back to a little bit was. What's it the. you
46:22
know kind of heart of any time that we have addiction
46:24
you've talked about it a little bit and you've
46:26
had some of those experiences and um one of the
46:29
one of the quotes that i have here and i actually
46:31
don't even know who it is i just found it that
46:33
that uh his name is gabor mate and i don't know
46:36
who he is but uh wrote a book called in the realm
46:39
of hungry ghosts um and just the quote was good
46:42
i thought and it said a hurt is at the center
46:44
of all addictive behaviors And so for you, what
46:49
did it look like to finally identify what that
46:51
hurt was? And how did identifying the hurt help
46:54
you to ultimately overcome the addictive behavior?
46:59
Ryan, I am so glad that you're recording this
47:01
because you can't make this stuff up. I'm sure
47:04
you've heard of the term serendipity, serendipitous
47:07
events, things that happen that you just cannot
47:09
orchestrate or plan no matter how hard you try.
47:12
And before you started reading that quote, which
47:15
first of all. Just so the world knows, I did
47:18
not know what quote you were going to read. I
47:20
did not know what your question was going to
47:22
be. But before you started to mention that, I'm
47:25
over here thinking, just metacognitive here.
47:31
I really hope that what I'm about to say is going
47:35
to land well with your audience because I think
47:37
it's going to ruffle a lot of feathers because
47:38
it's not something that's talked about enough
47:40
in terms of addiction. And what I mean by that
47:43
is. I do not believe I ever had an alcohol problem.
47:48
I don't believe I ever had a food problem. Did
47:51
I end up checking myself into a rehab in Ogden,
47:54
Utah for 30 days? I sure did. And hats off to
47:58
Brighton Recovery Center. You all were a game
48:01
changer for me. Alcohol is never the problem.
48:05
And I think there's going to be people out there
48:06
that are going to get very angry by that because
48:08
they're going to say, well, you know, you have
48:09
a chemical dependency and you can actually have
48:11
a physical addiction to something. Yeah, I'm
48:14
not negating the science on that, but it's a
48:16
relationship problem. It is a relationship problem
48:19
with myself. It was me not recognizing how to
48:23
go about, number one, articulating what the true
48:26
open wound was in me the entire time. And if
48:31
I don't know what something is, like if you were
48:33
to go to the doctor and you don't know what you
48:35
have, how in the world are you going to start
48:37
treating it? What you're going to do is like,
48:39
okay, well, let's try this. Let's try this ointment.
48:41
Let's try this pill. Let's try, okay, that's
48:43
not working. What if I double this up? What if
48:46
I combine this, this, and this and make a concoction?
48:48
Maybe that'll work. So you're just chasing your
48:51
tail, right? And so again, going back to my book,
48:56
and I swear it's not to self -plug, but like
48:57
I talked very openly about like the chemical
49:00
addiction was never the issue for me. It was
49:02
when you don't love yourself, when you don't
49:05
take the time to really repair what's going on.
49:08
And for me, a lot of it was internal. It wasn't
49:10
even stuff going on elsewhere. I think the straw
49:13
that broke the camel's back, at least in my story,
49:15
was I lost my dad four weeks after we found out
49:18
he had cancer and he died on Christmas Eve. as
49:21
i was supposed to be graduating college and he
49:24
was supposed to walk me down the aisle and he
49:26
died two weeks later and that shook me and shook
49:30
me hard and and that it wasn't dad's death that
49:35
caused the addiction it was i had so much other
49:39
layers of of un dealt with unhealed wounds that
49:44
i had spent a lifetime improperly medicating
49:49
through poor relationships or food or substance,
49:52
you name it, that by the time dad died, like
49:56
the damage was already done, right? That just
49:58
kind of pushed me over the edge. And so, again,
50:01
I say that with a soft heart and I say that to
50:03
anybody that is really struggling with like the
50:06
chemical dependency of it. I think there might
50:09
be a lot more going on to it, you know, going
50:11
on with it. I definitely think it goes back to
50:14
a relationship issue. taking the time to heal
50:19
and mend and to grow and to work through, and
50:22
I'm going to use that work in all capitals because
50:24
that's what it is. It is a daily work and investment.
50:27
But when you get yourself to a healthy place
50:28
mentally and emotionally, you start to really
50:31
be aware of the things that you do to your body
50:33
and how you treat your body because it's a love
50:36
relationship. Before we jump back in, can I ask
50:40
you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the journey
50:43
so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe to
50:46
our show? It helps us reach more people like
50:49
you. We can design and create and build the most
50:52
wonderful place in the world, but it takes people
50:55
to make the dream a reality. How do you see yourself
51:01
differently now that you've gone through that
51:04
work than you did going through that death of
51:09
your father, going through the addiction and
51:11
going to rehab? I see myself now as someone that
51:20
is rooted in contentment and peace and has become
51:28
really good friends with quiet. And if you knew
51:31
me years ago, you would say that's a stark contrast
51:34
to all of the adjectives that you would use to
51:36
describe me. Old Kristen was loud and chaotic
51:40
and was nonstop in 0 to 60 in 2 .5 seconds. um
51:46
chasing the next thrill and drop of the hat and
51:49
spontaneity and all of that sounds like fun it
51:51
sounds like the life of the party and quite frankly
51:53
i was but when you're rocking at a 10 non -stop
51:58
right like you can't sustain that for very long
52:01
um I used to feel like I had to walk in the room
52:05
and be the first person to talk and to laugh
52:07
the loudest and to get everyone's approval. And
52:10
now I did it today. And I was thinking about
52:13
this. I was just having a moment of reflection
52:14
in a staff meeting today. And I think I spoke
52:18
less today than than anybody on campus. And it
52:23
wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. It's
52:25
like I just don't need to because I'm becoming
52:27
more aware of who I am. what defines me, what
52:31
my value systems are, and I don't have to compete
52:33
with anything else. And there's a solid sense
52:39
of, for lack of a better word, of I'm okay. Like,
52:47
I'm okay. I'm enough. I'm good. There's nothing
52:50
else out there for me that I need to add to it.
52:54
And that's a really cool place to be for someone
52:57
that wasn't able to be there for a very long
52:59
time. Yeah, I think that's I think that's really
53:01
important. It's a really important distinction,
53:03
you know, and it's hard to get there for people.
53:07
You know, it's hard to get to that point because,
53:10
you know, we I think a lot of people might hear
53:13
me like, oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
53:15
of course. And yet no real mechanism for them
53:20
to get there and how you actually connect the
53:22
dots to do it, because there's. The only way
53:25
to do it is to go through it. You just have to.
53:28
You have to do the work. You have to go through
53:30
it. Yeah, and to actually prescribe what I did,
53:34
to be completely honest with you, going back
53:35
to Joe Dispenza, and I don't get paid to say
53:38
any of this, just for the record. In fact, Dr.
53:43
Jeffrey Barnes, who's been a huge mentor of mine
53:45
and a writing coach, he's been just instrumental
53:47
in my growth. was this idea of taking at least
53:52
15 minutes every single day in complete silence.
53:54
And when he first asked me to do that, I literally
53:57
laughed and I was like, that's funny. Like who
54:00
does that? And he goes, if you can't do 15 minutes,
54:03
how about five minutes? And so I legit started
54:05
less than a year ago at five minutes every day,
54:08
4 a .m. And I just sat that quiet. And then I
54:11
started listening to like the meditation and
54:14
the mindfulness and that kind of stuff. And then
54:17
before you knew it, I was sitting in silence
54:18
for 45 minutes. And it's amazing what transformative
54:23
outcomes can happen with just shutting up. We
54:29
don't like to be quiet. We are all little narcissists.
54:31
We love to hear ourselves talk, right? We always
54:33
got something to say. And our world is so loud.
54:37
We live in such a loud environment of social
54:40
media and the news. And, you know, we just always
54:43
have to be consumed with information. But when
54:45
you remove all of that and you get back to listening
54:48
to, again, what my dad calls his inner Indian
54:50
or your Jiminy Cricket, and you just listen to
54:53
self, get okay with just sitting with yourself.
54:55
And if you have to practice that every single
54:57
day, just a little bit. To get to that next level,
55:01
do it. Because just like with working out, what
55:04
once was the hardest workout of my life is now
55:08
my warm -up. And before you know it, you're progressing
55:12
and you're doing things that you never thought
55:14
possible. Which, if anyone's known me for any
55:17
length of time, they're going to think, Kristen,
55:19
sitting silently in a room full of people? That's
55:21
impossible. Miracles do happen. We do grow, right?
55:27
We can grow and still be authentically you, but
55:32
just understand context and understand, you know,
55:35
what's needed from you in that moment and what
55:36
you don't need. Because I think to some degree,
55:38
it's interesting. You talk about some of the
55:41
things you're experiencing or experience in the
55:43
past was want to kind of like be the center of
55:45
attention. Girl, I have been plagued with that
55:49
my whole life. Right. There's a reason why I
55:53
liked theater. There's a reason why when I want
55:56
to be an attorney, I want to be in the courtroom.
55:58
Look at me. I'm going to do this amazing song
56:01
and dance and everyone's going to think I'm so
56:03
smart and so funny and so clever. And I was just
56:06
searching for that for so long. And it is this
56:10
idea of once we can become content that we don't
56:13
have to just search for that all the time. I
56:15
think we bring a lot more to the table. And so
56:17
when I do speak up, if I'm doing something right,
56:19
hopefully I'm bringing know something well thought
56:22
out and like more meaningful the table rather
56:24
than just to hear myself talk because i will
56:25
admit i did that in the past like i guilty you
56:29
know totally guilty of doing that in the past
56:30
it's hard i love that you admit that because
56:33
i don't know unfortunately i do know a few attorneys
56:36
but i don't know a lot of attorneys that that
56:38
would be able to say that i think that that shows
56:40
tremendous growth and maturity on your part and
56:43
hopefully others can be encouraged by that because
56:45
there's something to be said about it i think
56:48
that The coolest thing is when you have a superpower,
56:52
like being a chameleon or being able to step
56:54
on stage or in a courtroom or in a classroom
56:56
and just command an audience naturally and be
56:59
able to do it through words, through writing.
57:00
I think the coolest thing, though, is not necessarily
57:03
being able to use it. It's not what you say,
57:05
but it's knowing when to shut up and how to intentionally
57:08
position your silence. That's a superpower. And
57:12
that's really, really cool when you figure that
57:15
out. Yeah, totally agree there. So one other
57:19
thing I want to ask you about as I'm kind of
57:20
hearing this stuff is I want to take you on a
57:23
little bit of a thought journey if we can. So
57:27
I'm a big Simon Sinek fan. I just love his work,
57:32
and I'm going to do something he sometimes does.
57:35
He used to do it more on his podcast. He doesn't
57:37
do it as much now, but I want to give it a try
57:39
with you. Run through for me what your happiest
57:45
childhood memory is, and not just any memory.
57:48
A specific one, like one that you could relive
57:52
with me right now where you know the details
57:54
and you felt the absolute happiest as a child.
57:57
Yeah, that's an easy one. We had a family cabin
58:02
on a little North Fork up the Santiam River up
58:05
outside of Salem, Oregon. And as a little kid,
58:09
we would, you know, coming from the city, anything
58:11
with trees and anything that wasn't brown and
58:14
dirt and hot was like, ooh, fancy. I loved it.
58:19
It's the rare time that I got to see all of my
58:21
family and my relatives and my cousins. And it
58:25
was like, it didn't matter how many months went
58:27
by before we saw each other beforehand. We just
58:29
picked up right where we left off. And it was
58:31
a cool path that went down to a river. And my
58:33
dad showed me like where the crawfish were. And,
58:36
you know, we were inner tubing and it was just,
58:38
it was heaven. It was just heaven. I love that
58:41
so much. What was it about that? That occasion,
58:46
going to this cabin, having family and cousins
58:48
there, that's different than any other time you
58:50
would get together with family and enjoy their
58:53
company. Why specifically there and why specifically
58:56
that gathering? I think it was because it was
58:59
such a stark contrast to what I experienced back
59:03
home. Now, again, I had a beautiful, loving home
59:06
life. We had a beautiful home. We were well -blessed
59:10
with multiple vehicles. My parents had good jobs.
59:13
But it was just me, my mom and dad and my brother.
59:16
And we didn't have a big family in Vegas because
59:20
everybody else actually stayed back up in Oregon.
59:22
And so I think there was so many things that
59:25
were novel for me. You take just the environment,
59:29
right? You go from Las Vegas, Nevada to Salem,
59:32
Oregon up in the mountains. Couldn't be more
59:35
different. And so it was like, oh, this is new.
59:38
This is beautiful. It's cooler temperatures,
59:40
the smell of the trees, the wild animals. You
59:43
know, rivers running freely. And it was just
59:45
beautiful and majestic. And then now I'm surrounded
59:49
by cousins that are similar in age and all of
59:53
this family. Everywhere you look is family. And
59:55
we have a lot of musicians in the family that
59:57
would just sit down and play the either the guitar
59:59
or the piano. And it's like, wow, I never get
1:00:02
any of this back. And so for me, I think there
1:00:05
was the novelty of it. okay i love this i think
1:00:08
it goes back to the sense of belonging too right
1:00:10
like being surrounded by even more family that
1:00:14
was a great great feeling which is is perfect
1:00:18
um uh that's that's an excellent description
1:00:21
of it and i love that so now take me to a time
1:00:25
in your professional career anytime in your professional
1:00:29
career where you were the most proud of the work
1:00:32
that you did And a specific occasion, again,
1:00:36
a very specific one, not a general, but one specific
1:00:39
time. I just got goosebumps because it just happened
1:00:43
at the end of last year. So at the end of last
1:00:46
year was the first time I got to watch my eighth
1:00:50
graders graduate at the promotion ceremony. Because
1:00:55
prior to that, I wasn't at that campus long enough
1:00:59
to see them go from sixth grade to eighth grade.
1:01:01
So now I was able to see. I call on my babies,
1:01:04
these young kiddos that I got to invest in for
1:01:07
three years in a row. I got to watch them walk
1:01:12
across the stage. And while I was so proud and
1:01:14
not the single most important proud moment was
1:01:20
twofold. I got to hand select some of the students
1:01:24
that read their final speech. And I watched some
1:01:27
of these students that had an IEP, which. means
1:01:30
they have some sort of learning disability and
1:01:32
they needed extra support that came into my classroom
1:01:35
a year beforehand, super insecure, self -doubt,
1:01:39
full of anxiety. Now they're standing on stage
1:01:41
in front of hundreds of people reading their
1:01:44
own authentic story. That made me so incredibly
1:01:49
proud to be followed up by right after that,
1:01:51
there was literally a line that wrapped around
1:01:54
the lockers outside of parents with their students
1:01:57
in line. just to come talk to me and hug me and
1:02:02
to take a picture with me. And parents were crying
1:02:04
and they were running out of things to say in
1:02:07
terms of like, thank you just so much for what
1:02:09
you've done for our child. Like you've made a
1:02:13
lifelong impact. And that was, I think, the first
1:02:18
time that I really felt like you're being used
1:02:23
and served and like you're right where you need
1:02:25
to be. So stay with that. That was cool. So I'm
1:02:33
going to try to get emotional. No, it's good.
1:02:35
It's actually really lovely. If I can, I would
1:02:40
suggest there's a through line there. That what
1:02:44
you experienced as a child became what you're
1:02:49
creating for these students. That you're creating
1:02:54
something that is new and novel. that gives them
1:02:58
a greater sense of belonging and who they are
1:03:02
in this really beautiful way that that's what
1:03:07
you've done for them. And so it's this thing
1:03:11
that Simon Sinek talks about that when you find
1:03:13
a why or a purpose in life, it hearkens back
1:03:15
to when you were a kid and then it doesn't really
1:03:17
change. And when you do things you're really
1:03:20
proud of, there's a through line there. It's
1:03:21
always going to be in the service of others.
1:03:23
First off, a purpose always will be. And it's
1:03:26
in doing that thing that is core to who you are.
1:03:29
And to me, that's this beautiful thing you've
1:03:31
created for these students. It's this beautiful
1:03:33
cabin in this beautiful place with beautiful
1:03:37
people around them that embrace them and love
1:03:40
them. And it is, it is, it's magical. It's magical.
1:03:46
What a gift that is for you to point that out.
1:03:49
And I think you're spot on because when I look
1:03:52
at these students, especially those that struggle,
1:03:54
I have a background in special education, which
1:03:56
I got my degree in because of my son with autism.
1:03:59
And so I look at every single one of these kids
1:04:01
and I genuinely try to be the teacher that I
1:04:06
always needed but never had. I try to see them
1:04:09
and see their hurts and see their shortcomings.
1:04:11
And I see the, the, the invisible weights that
1:04:15
they're carrying. And I try so hard to be intentional
1:04:17
about being part of the solution to that, to
1:04:20
help lighten their load so that when they leave
1:04:22
my room, they feel seen and they feel valued
1:04:25
because gosh, especially nowadays our kids are
1:04:27
carrying stuff so much heavier than we ever did.
1:04:30
You know? And so if, if I had to go through,
1:04:38
All of what I did through my adoption, let's
1:04:41
take it back to even the adoption. Like if that
1:04:43
orchestrated event had to occur so that I went
1:04:47
through those years of longing and searching
1:04:49
and hunting and brokenness. So that I could then
1:04:55
be a vessel for these students. Just like the
1:05:00
divorce and my daughter and my son, like I do
1:05:02
it all over again in a heartbeat because I think
1:05:05
it. that's why I'm able to be effective, right?
1:05:08
And I think the same might be true for you and
1:05:10
what you're able to do in family law, right?
1:05:14
There's a need there for you to help serve others,
1:05:17
probably tied back to something from your childhood.
1:05:20
Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure there's no doubt, right?
1:05:23
That's the way that it does work. And that's
1:05:25
why we just have the opportunities to do so much
1:05:29
good for so many other people. And when we...
1:05:31
We'll tap into that and become the best version
1:05:34
of ourselves. It gives us such a great opportunity.
1:05:37
You know, one of the things that I wrote down
1:05:39
as well from a book by Adam Grant is he said
1:05:43
the most meaningful way to succeed is to help
1:05:45
others succeed. And one of the things you're
1:05:48
doing in both your career as a teacher is you're
1:05:51
doing that. And then, you know, I think as you
1:05:53
my take is as you write this book. that that
1:05:58
what you're doing is is you're you're multiplying
1:06:01
it right you're you're taking it to an even greater
1:06:06
audience and multiplying the impact that you
1:06:09
can have by sharing what your story is to help
1:06:12
others going through a hard time to help others
1:06:14
be inspired from the things that you're doing
1:06:16
for a greater reach which i think is a really
1:06:17
beautiful thing yeah Thanks for that. And that's
1:06:21
really the heart of it. It's not self -serving.
1:06:25
It's funny, like being Leo's number three, that's
1:06:27
what we're going to call ourselves now. Like
1:06:28
I didn't write it and it's not sitting here in
1:06:32
front of me as evidence of my value, but it's
1:06:36
a reminder of like my purpose. I think it's a
1:06:39
reminder that there are so many other people
1:06:41
out there that are dealing with adoption. Maybe
1:06:43
they are looking to adopt or they have been adopted
1:06:46
or they. have adopted, but they don't know whether
1:06:48
or not they should tell their child, like, you
1:06:50
know, all the things, right? So everything from
1:06:52
adoption to addiction to autism to, you know,
1:06:55
all the, all of it, you know, we are not, we're
1:06:58
not in a silo. We are a community on this planet.
1:07:02
And if we can live a life and do things with
1:07:05
our talents and our skill sets that help leave
1:07:08
the world better than we found it and help others,
1:07:11
even if it's just one person that picks up my
1:07:13
book. And if just one person says, Man, that
1:07:16
chapter that you wrote about losing your dad
1:07:19
and what happened to you after that, like, thank
1:07:22
you for that. Because I felt so alone. And then
1:07:25
it was worth it. It was all worth it. Yeah. And
1:07:28
it will. It'll have that impact when it comes
1:07:30
out, when people get to read it. Are you going
1:07:33
to do an audio book of your book? Yes, I am.
1:07:36
And you're going to read it, right? I'm reading
1:07:38
it. I'm reading my own. I got so mad at Jeffrey
1:07:41
Barnes. Because he didn't read his own. And I'm
1:07:45
like, who is this guy? Like, I want, here's what
1:07:48
I want you to feel. And I keep going back to
1:07:50
this. I wrote the book with this intention every
1:07:52
day. I want the reader and the listener to feel
1:07:57
as though they are sitting next to me on a bench
1:07:59
on Main Street with a cup of coffee and they're
1:08:02
just getting to know an old friend. And I want
1:08:05
them to not learn. I don't want the focus to
1:08:08
be you need to learn as much as you possibly
1:08:10
can about me. But I hope in me sharing my story,
1:08:13
you start to uncover a different perspective
1:08:15
of you and your life. And when you leave, you
1:08:19
leave changed. That's my hope for a forced perspective.
1:08:23
Yeah, I love that. It's fantastic. Before we
1:08:26
move to our this or that segment. And then after
1:08:31
we do that, we'll do this or that. We'll do a
1:08:33
rapid fire and then we'll get your three actionable
1:08:35
takeaways at the end. But before we get there,
1:08:38
anything that I missed in either your story that
1:08:41
you wanted to share or from Pinocchio? I love
1:08:45
going through the attraction of Pinocchio now
1:08:47
as an adult because as I go through, I'm looking
1:08:49
at it through the lens of like not just seeing
1:08:52
Pinocchio, the little wooden boy that finds his
1:08:55
way through some creative and difficult circumstances.
1:08:59
I see little Kristen. I see little Kristen running
1:09:02
and searching and looking, you know, running
1:09:05
off to Pleasure Island and experimenting with
1:09:07
things, thinking that that's going to be the
1:09:08
answer. And, you know, getting stuck and getting
1:09:12
trapped. And when that cage comes down, it's
1:09:14
like, yeah, that was the cage that I put myself
1:09:17
in because I had so many open wounds that I didn't
1:09:20
quite know how to heal. And so when I ride that
1:09:24
attraction. So when I go through the attraction
1:09:31
now, it's like being able to step back and watch
1:09:35
the growth cycle through my own personal journey.
1:09:39
And it's beautiful. So the strings now, like
1:09:42
I don't look necessarily at strings and Pinocchio
1:09:45
strings as tangible strings per se. I think we
1:09:48
all have strings if we're willing to really look
1:09:50
authentically and be a little vulnerable with
1:09:54
ourselves. Maybe a string is what your parents.
1:09:58
told you on repeat when you were a little kid.
1:10:01
Maybe you grew up believing that you weren't
1:10:02
good enough or you're never going to amount to
1:10:05
anything. Maybe a string is an abusive relationship
1:10:08
or a habit that you got yourself hooked on or,
1:10:12
you know, negative self -talk. That personal
1:10:14
narrative that you create for yourself can be
1:10:18
a string too. The belief that you're too old
1:10:20
to pursue your dream. You know, you look hard
1:10:24
enough and we've got strings out the wazoo. that
1:10:27
will keep us bound from pursuing our true passions
1:10:31
and our dream. And so once I started to recognize
1:10:34
what my own strings were in my life, then came
1:10:39
the work, right? Then came the active work of
1:10:41
trimming those strings and breaking free from
1:10:44
them so that I can be healthy and 42 and a full
1:10:49
-time teacher and a full -time author and a podcast
1:10:52
co -host. and a mom of a child with special needs.
1:10:55
Like I can do all those things now because I'm
1:10:58
not bound to the junk that's holding me back.
1:11:01
And I hope that other people will be encouraged
1:11:04
by that enough to where they can start doing
1:11:05
the same thing in their own life. Besides this
1:11:08
podcast, I actually own a law firm, RCG Law Group.
1:11:11
And I'll be honest, most people think only about
1:11:14
calling a lawyer when something has gone sideways
1:11:16
already. We'd rather you know who we are before
1:11:19
that happens. So if you ever need us, we're right
1:11:22
here. Yeah. Yeah. Break free from those strings
1:11:25
for sure. Because there are so many invisible
1:11:27
strings that do hold us back. And sometimes we
1:11:29
don't even realize it. And sometimes we've suppressed
1:11:31
it. And sometimes we put it off and didn't want
1:11:34
to acknowledge it because we don't want to deal
1:11:35
with it. But yeah, realizing those things are
1:11:38
there and breaking free can really lead to a
1:11:41
lot of joy and a lot of opportunity. I love that.
1:11:45
It's a fantastic way to wrap up Pinocchio. Okay.
1:11:49
Are you ready for some this or that, Kristen?
1:11:52
I think I am. I don't know. Let's do it. If you've
1:11:56
got some controversy opinions, I will not be
1:11:58
shy in calling it out, all right? Like, I will
1:12:01
disagree with you if need be. All right. We'll
1:12:05
see. So, okay, first one, Jiminy Cricket or Blue
1:12:08
Fairy? Jiminy Cricket. I love Jiminy. Oh, I just
1:12:13
love him. The whole idea of him, and you tied
1:12:15
it in really beautifully, too, about, you know,
1:12:17
listening to Jiminy Cricket, being quiet so you
1:12:19
can hear it. Yeah, definitely good answer there.
1:12:23
Let's see. Road trip or flying? Flying. Yeah.
1:12:32
Do you like road trips? Are you a road tripper?
1:12:34
I am, but I like to get places fast now. I'm
1:12:38
like the little kid. Even though I have to do
1:12:41
all the driving, fun fact, Kristen Reingold has
1:12:44
habitual motion sickness, and I get car sick
1:12:47
no matter what. It doesn't matter where I sit,
1:12:49
how much AC is on me. so i always have to do
1:12:52
the driving which means whenever we go on vacations
1:12:54
that require driving i'm the one exhausted because
1:12:57
i did all the driving and so you know fly me
1:13:00
so i can sit my husband and i can hang out audiobook
1:13:02
done and peanuts or some sort of snack yeah you
1:13:06
gotta have something to snack do you can you
1:13:08
go on boats like can you do a cruise dude ryan
1:13:12
i just did my very first cruise this summer and
1:13:14
i got Those bands that like does a vibration
1:13:17
pulse thing. It was like 120 bucks on Amazon,
1:13:20
but it was a game changer. I didn't get sick
1:13:22
at all with that sucker. So yeah, I do get motion
1:13:27
sickness on rides at Disneyland. There's some
1:13:29
things that I can't do unless I've got my band
1:13:31
or I take medicine in advance. Yeah. What, what
1:13:35
cruise did you go on? I did Royal Caribbean down
1:13:39
to Mexico. Okay. It's a popular one. I'm not
1:13:42
a cruise person. I'm not a cruise person. I'm
1:13:44
just going to put that out there. Disney cruise
1:13:46
movie. Yeah. I'm not a cruise person at all.
1:13:49
It's not my favorite thing. No. I don't want
1:13:53
to be on a boat with a bunch of strangers. No
1:13:55
dice. I hear you. Okay. How about library or
1:14:01
bookstore? Bookstore, especially if it's a used
1:14:08
vintage bookstore. Oh, you like the used vintage
1:14:11
ones, huh? In fact, I designed my entire classroom
1:14:15
is that way. Like literally the whole classroom
1:14:18
is like you walk into a vintage bookstore on
1:14:21
Main Street. Like it's I love that all day long.
1:14:23
Give me brick. Give me smelly old books. Oh,
1:14:27
oh, you love older the better. OK, so how about
1:14:30
I'm just going to throw a curveball in here for
1:14:32
what I didn't have written down. Physical book
1:14:35
or Kindle? Oh, look at this beauty. 20 ,000 leagues
1:14:40
under the sea. See how old it is? It's falling
1:14:43
apart. Wow. You can't get this experience on
1:14:49
a Kindle. I wish you could smell this right now.
1:14:52
Always physical books. Always. But do you ever
1:14:56
do audiobooks? Okay, I can't say always. That's
1:15:00
why it's hard. I know. Okay, well, when I'm driving,
1:15:03
I can't be smelling old vintage books, so I got
1:15:05
to do the audio book. I like to collect old books
1:15:09
and books of value and meaning. I have a lovely
1:15:11
signed copies from some amazing artists, Tim
1:15:13
O'Day, Martha Blanding, and some others, Becky
1:15:16
Klein. So like those that have nostalgic, you
1:15:19
know, meaning for the Disney company. Yes. Give
1:15:21
me hard book all day long. I just give them all
1:15:25
to me. I'll put the old one on a shelf. I'll
1:15:28
be over. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I'm such
1:15:31
an audio book guy. And for me, it's because I
1:15:33
found that I won't make the time to sit down
1:15:36
and physically read through. And if I do audio
1:15:39
book though, I'll consume way more. Do I pay
1:15:42
as close attention? No, like it's true that I
1:15:44
don't, like I will admit it, but then I do it.
1:15:46
Then I read 30 books a year or more, right? Because
1:15:49
I'll do audio book. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent.
1:15:52
Same way. Like, I love that. I think that's the
1:15:54
ADHD in us. You know, I can go get my workout
1:15:57
in listening to an audio book or I can drive
1:15:59
or I can clean house. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
1:16:02
I love it. Okay. Chalkboard or whiteboard? Whiteboard,
1:16:11
because I have PTSD from Doris French Elementary
1:16:13
School when I used to have to go clean the erasers.
1:16:16
And I probably have lung damage from all the
1:16:19
chalk dust that I had to inhale in the custodian
1:16:22
office. So whiteboard. I'm sure. My first job
1:16:26
was a sweeper and had to clean those dang things.
1:16:29
That was a good time. That was a good time. Okay,
1:16:33
back row or front row? What are we watching?
1:16:39
Well, that's a good question. I was actually
1:16:41
thinking in a classroom, but let's do both. I
1:16:44
want to do classroom and then I want to do, let's
1:16:48
do like, let's do like a Broadway musical. Classroom,
1:16:53
Broadway musical. Okay. Classroom. I got rid
1:16:57
of desks. Because I do what I like to call 360
1:17:00
teaching. There is no front of the room because
1:17:02
I'm constantly moving. So no matter where you
1:17:05
are, it's the best seat in the house. And that's
1:17:06
how I deal with behaviors and keep things at
1:17:08
bay. Because again, rock star. Just kidding.
1:17:12
Maybe. I, though, as a kid, I was always in the
1:17:17
back row or I was in the hall because I never
1:17:19
stopped talking. I would get in trouble and they
1:17:21
would move my desk into the hallway. So like
1:17:23
I was that kid. But I think in a classroom setting,
1:17:28
if you were to do rows, put me in the front row.
1:17:31
I was always a front row student. Heart -shocking,
1:17:34
I know. But I think that's the best place to
1:17:36
be. Consuming entertainment. Gosh. Front row
1:17:44
is great because, like, if there's a live orchestra
1:17:46
and you're like, you know, I like to see the
1:17:48
sweat come down so, like, there's that humanity
1:17:50
to it. But I don't like to creak my neck. That's
1:17:54
the hard part. Right. That's the hard part. I
1:17:56
mean, that's why in the movie theater, I can't
1:17:58
ever do the front row because you're way too
1:17:59
much like that cranking your neck. A musical,
1:18:03
it depends on the venue. We have in Salt Lake
1:18:07
up here, we've got a pretty popular theater that
1:18:10
does theater in the round. And when you have
1:18:12
theater in the round, front row is awesome because
1:18:16
all the seats go down to the theater. And so
1:18:19
you're not looking up. You're looking down to
1:18:21
where it's at. So front row is amazing because
1:18:23
you're right there. You're like eye level. Yeah,
1:18:25
you're like right next to them, right? Whereas
1:18:27
traditional one, yeah, front row is a little
1:18:29
tough. If I had to choose, I'm probably back
1:18:31
row because I don't want to be wrecking my neck
1:18:33
watching the show. Yeah. When I go see a movie,
1:18:35
which I don't do anymore because I just, it's
1:18:38
too expensive. And I can't hold my bladder during
1:18:41
a whole movie while you get soda. I don't. $100
1:18:46
for a movie, and I miss it three times because
1:18:49
I'm old and can't hold it. I went to see Odyssey,
1:18:52
which I did love. I'm a movie guy. I love movies.
1:18:54
That's a long movie. It was everything I could
1:18:57
do to only go once. I really should have gone
1:18:59
twice, but I was like, I can't be the guy that
1:19:01
goes twice in a movie, right? So I was like,
1:19:03
all right, well, I went halfway through. You
1:19:05
have to be the guy that gets a catheter before
1:19:07
you go, and then maybe I can make it through
1:19:08
a movie. But for a movie, you've got to be back
1:19:12
row. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's
1:19:16
exactly right. Okay, here's some really hard
1:19:17
ones. Actually, maybe they might not be. Maybe
1:19:20
it'll be really easy. Disneyland or Disney World?
1:19:23
Land. Okay, within the Disney World realm, Animal
1:19:28
Kingdom or Epcot? Those are my two favorite ones.
1:19:33
Same. Shoot. Animal Kingdom. Oh, it's so good.
1:19:39
It's so good. Okay, and this is not a this or
1:19:42
that. What's your favorite ride in Animal Kingdom?
1:19:51
Expedition Everest. Okay, that's a popular one.
1:19:54
Yeah, it's a great ride. It's a great ride. Or
1:19:56
Kilimanjaro Safari. I mean, I love the Safari.
1:20:01
But you know what I also love there is Avatar
1:20:03
Ride, right? Like, I can't remember what it's
1:20:04
called, but you're riding the Banshee. Like,
1:20:06
that might not do it for your motion sickness,
1:20:08
but man, that is an amazing ride. That's true.
1:20:12
So freaking good. That's true. There's so much
1:20:14
stuff in Animal Kingdom. It's a blast. I love
1:20:15
it. Yeah. it's super good okay here's our rapid
1:20:19
fire you ready for some rapid fire yes okay favorite
1:20:23
disney movie pinocchio okay now i just i haven't
1:20:28
pointed out yet i should have earlier but if
1:20:30
you're if you're only listening this you won't
1:20:32
see but if you're watching it uh kristen has
1:20:34
a pinocchio in the background off her i think
1:20:37
right shoulder i think yep right shoulder and
1:20:39
on her shirt and on her necklace so we're talking
1:20:43
about a pinocchio fan here All in on Pinocchio.
1:20:49
Favorite Disney song. Oh, it's not rapid fire
1:20:56
because I'm having a brain fart. It's from Moana.
1:21:04
How far I'll go. You're welcome. Oh, we know
1:21:09
the way. Yeah. I don't care what mood you're
1:21:13
in. You put that song on and all of a sudden
1:21:16
I am skipping. I'm singing. I feel like I can
1:21:20
do anything. Oh, it's a great song. It is. And
1:21:23
it's, it's Lin -Manuel, right? And I huge Lin
1:21:26
-Manuel fan. I freaking love his stuff. I'm obsessed.
1:21:30
He's, he's the best favorite Disney princess.
1:21:35
Tiana. Tiana. Great choice. hard for what she
1:21:41
had. And I think it's because she also lost her
1:21:45
daddy, right? For sure. And yeah, there's a piece
1:21:48
there that I'm like, that is a prime example
1:21:50
of somebody who didn't have anything handed to
1:21:52
her. She had every reason to give up and to not
1:21:55
go for something crazy. But I saw the hustle
1:21:58
in her eyes and man, I loved it. I mean, I think
1:22:01
the one song is like, I ain't got time for dancing,
1:22:04
right? Like I gotta be working hard. I ain't
1:22:06
got time to go out dancing. You guys ain't freaking
1:22:08
me. She's great. Yeah, wonderful princess. Okay,
1:22:12
favorite Disney hero or heroine? Oh, my goodness.
1:22:23
Hero or heroine? I go to Hercules, but is that
1:22:29
because it's just easy? Yes, and it's also great.
1:22:35
Like, I just actually watched Hercules last night.
1:22:37
My kids wanted to watch it. and he's a good hero
1:22:40
he is he's got a great journey yeah like he's
1:22:44
dealing with like the whole crush thing and you
1:22:46
know betrayal and he's just finding his way yeah
1:22:50
and he went on the journey of trying to find
1:22:53
his connection to his you know dna and his parents
1:22:55
like i get that totally i can go the distance
1:22:58
it's a great song too like it's a terrific song
1:23:01
i love that song I do like that. Okay, favorite
1:23:06
Disney park snack? I'm a churro fan. Nothing
1:23:15
beats a Main Street waffle cone on Main Street.
1:23:19
Like, it tastes better if you're on Main Street
1:23:22
while you eat it. Once you, like, turn the corner
1:23:23
and you go to Adventureland or Tomorrowland,
1:23:25
the flavor is off. You've got to stay on Main
1:23:28
Street. That, to me, is like America nostalgia
1:23:30
in my tummy. Okay. I love it. I'm going to make
1:23:33
sure I do that next time I'm down there in Disneyland.
1:23:36
And it's got to be in the waffle cone. Don't
1:23:38
be putting it in a cup with a spoon. Not today,
1:23:41
Satan. I'll have to take my gluten pill because
1:23:43
I can't do gluten and it's terrible. But worth
1:23:46
it for a churro, worth it for a waffle cone.
1:23:49
Okay. Well, all right. No, because if I take
1:23:52
a gluten pill, I'm okay. I don't have C -reacts,
1:23:55
so it's more just like... If I take the pill,
1:23:58
the enzymes, they do it right for me, and it's
1:24:00
definitely worth it for, you know, a churro or
1:24:02
a waffle cone, it sounds like. God, we're a bunch
1:24:04
of winners, aren't we, out there with our seasickness
1:24:07
bands and our celiac. Yeah, our gluten stuff
1:24:11
is terrible. Okay, how about favorite book? And
1:24:16
that's going to be a hard one, I guarantee it.
1:24:18
Like, any book? Let's say, let's do two. Let's
1:24:22
do favorite book, any book, and then I want to
1:24:24
know favorite, like. Disney -related book, but
1:24:27
you can't cheat and choose The Wisdom of Walt,
1:24:29
okay? You just can't cheat because that's cheating,
1:24:32
all right? It's an amazing book. We all know
1:24:34
it's an amazing book. If you haven't read it,
1:24:35
read it. It's by Dr. Jeffrey Barnes. But favorite
1:24:39
Disney book and favorite any book. Okay. I'm
1:24:42
going to go with Untamed by, oh, my God, Glennon
1:24:47
Doyle. Yeah. Untamed, Glennon Doyle. That will
1:24:51
cause you to second -guess everything we thought
1:24:53
you knew about most things. Creative, courageous,
1:24:57
brave woman to speak her truth. Is that also
1:25:01
Abby Wambach? Yes. Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Her
1:25:07
wife. Yeah, fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I read
1:25:11
that at a time where I was not comfortable or
1:25:14
nor was it encouraged for me to question things.
1:25:16
And so that really just opened up a whole door
1:25:19
of me for me to look at the world differently,
1:25:23
kind of force my perspective, if you will. Yeah.
1:25:26
As far as Disney book. It is right here. I think
1:25:33
it is so incredibly important. it is the people
1:25:38
behind the disney parks stories of those who
1:25:41
stories of those honored with a window on main
1:25:44
street and it is a beautiful dive into obviously
1:25:48
there's been more people that have received windows
1:25:51
but all of the disney linges that have windows
1:25:54
on main street not only does it give you their
1:25:56
information of who they were but their backstory
1:25:58
of what led to them getting a window on main
1:26:00
street so it just really brings it full circle
1:26:03
and it brings more meaning to the storytelling
1:26:06
that goes on right when you walk in. Okay. I'm
1:26:09
going to have to get that exact information from
1:26:11
you. We're going to put it in the show notes
1:26:12
and I'm going to order it immediately. I've got
1:26:15
to get this book. This sounds amazing. Yes, you
1:26:16
do. Well, and because I write Mondays on Main
1:26:19
Street before I wrote my first article for Dr.
1:26:22
Barnes this year. I did a deep dive in this because
1:26:25
I really wanted to almost do like a character
1:26:27
study. Like, okay, if I'm going to be writing
1:26:29
under this idea of Mondays on Main Street, like
1:26:31
let's really look at what that embodies and the
1:26:34
souls behind it. Super informative. Oh, I love
1:26:38
this. Amazing. And real quick, it's not just
1:26:41
Disneyland. It's Disneyland and Disney World.
1:26:44
Oh, even better. Even better. We get a lot of
1:26:47
stories. See, that's the best part. Like, I honestly,
1:26:49
before I talked with Bob Weiss, I didn't even
1:26:53
know that was a thing to have like a window on
1:26:55
Main Street. I had no idea. But when I read his
1:26:57
book, I'm like, oh, this is a thing. And I suddenly
1:26:58
started realizing like, oh, there's all these
1:27:00
amazing people windows. Start diving this whole
1:27:02
world that I didn't even know existed is amazing.
1:27:06
I have a collection. I know we don't have time,
1:27:08
but I have a collection of signs. This one's
1:27:10
signed by Bob Gurr. It's a replica of his own.
1:27:13
window on Main Street. Bob Gurr is amazing. I
1:27:16
also have Marty Sklar. Okay, what's that? Bob
1:27:19
Gurr is amazing. And Marty Sklar is amazing.
1:27:21
I have an amazing book. His book's terrific.
1:27:24
I know. I wish I could have met Marty before
1:27:26
he passed. And Bob, actually Bob Weiss is writing
1:27:30
a book about Marty Scalar right now, set to come
1:27:32
out toward the end of this year, I think is what
1:27:34
Bob said, which is amazing. Can't wait to read
1:27:36
that. It'd be fantastic. I know. And what, no
1:27:38
better person to, to write that book, to be gifted
1:27:40
with that. And the stories, and I don't want
1:27:42
to spoil it for anybody, but, but what went into
1:27:44
him being able to do that was really cool. Yeah.
1:27:46
How he got all of those things. So. Okay. Final,
1:27:50
final rapid fire. Favorite restaurant? In general
1:27:55
or are we talking at a Disney park? Well, it's
1:27:58
a cheater question because I think I know what
1:28:00
it is because I think I remember a post from
1:28:02
you about it. And it definitely was Disney related.
1:28:05
So I want to hear it. I hate that this is my
1:28:08
answer because we can't go for dinner here without
1:28:13
dropping $1 ,000. And I'm not saying that to
1:28:15
brag. I'm saying that as like a poor teacher.
1:28:19
My poor husband. Sitting on the terrace at Club
1:28:25
33, overlooking the Rivers of America and New
1:28:28
Orleans Square, nothing beats it. The food is
1:28:34
outstanding. The ambiance is outstanding. Being
1:28:37
in something that was envisioned by Walt and
1:28:42
helped decorate it by his wife Lillian, and just
1:28:44
you have nods to the past. You're immersed in
1:28:47
story, and as a storyteller, that's... my palate.
1:28:51
That's what I love. And then if it's not that
1:28:55
one, of course it's called 33. Okay. Blue Bayou.
1:28:58
All right, Kristen. Well, the way we like to
1:29:00
end every conversation we have is to get three
1:29:02
actionable takeaways, something that somebody
1:29:05
could put into effect in their life and take
1:29:07
action on today or this week. So give us three
1:29:11
actionable takeaways from the topic we had today.
1:29:14
Oh, okay. If I can encourage you to every single
1:29:19
day, start your day with intentional silence.
1:29:23
If you have to start with five minutes, start
1:29:25
with five minutes. Instead of grabbing your cell
1:29:27
phone first, spend intentional silent time completely
1:29:32
undistracted. And then work on incrementing that,
1:29:35
you know, increasing your increments thereafter
1:29:37
and let that become your new normal. I'm going
1:29:44
to speak to the writers, those of you, or really
1:29:46
anybody that wants to do anything, whether you
1:29:48
have a dream of writing a book or you have a
1:29:50
dream of wanting to do your own podcast or you
1:29:53
want to produce a movie, whatever the dream might
1:29:57
be. Again, intentional time every single day.
1:30:01
Carve out 15 minutes to think of at least 15
1:30:07
new ideas. Anything. It could be any concept.
1:30:11
That's how I went from zero words on a page.
1:30:13
to 43 chapters of a book in less than a year
1:30:18
15 minutes 15 new ideas intentional alone time
1:30:22
every single day that's how you do it um last
1:30:25
one if you're not happy with the life that is
1:30:34
written in front of you pick up the pen and write
1:30:37
a new ending and the action step attached to
1:30:41
that is See yourself as worthy enough to live
1:30:45
differently, to have a different life that you
1:30:48
feel you're worthy of having. Whether that's
1:30:51
for you, that might be what you eat, what you
1:30:53
consume, how you move your body, the job that
1:30:56
you have. If you are not living a life that is
1:30:58
truly fulfilling and is worthy of a fulfilling
1:31:02
life, then do a different one. Like, just do
1:31:07
a different one. Stop waiting. No one's going
1:31:09
to save you. Do it for yourself. Just do it.
1:31:12
I love it. Fantastic actual takeaways. What a
1:31:15
great conversation today, Kristen. So appreciative
1:31:18
of the time that you shared so freely of the
1:31:20
vulnerability you shared and sharing your story.
1:31:23
Very much looking forward to your book coming
1:31:25
out. Can't wait to dive into it, to read it,
1:31:28
to hear you read it because I will definitely
1:31:30
listen to an audio book. I'm going to buy a copy
1:31:32
and I want you to sign it. I go down to Vegas
1:31:35
sometimes and I'll be like, Kristen, I'm showing
1:31:37
up. You're signing my book, girl. You're going
1:31:39
to sign my book. It'll be phenomenal. So great
1:31:43
conversation today about how we can break free
1:31:45
from the strings that hold us down, how we can
1:31:47
design a life that we love. We can shift our
1:31:51
mindset in the way that we've seen things from
1:31:53
the past to find a greater sense of belonging,
1:31:56
first off with ourselves and then extending out
1:31:59
to others and finding ways to serve others. So
1:32:01
such a pleasure visiting with you today. Yeah.
1:32:03
Thank you, Ryan. You're a fantastic host. I love
1:32:06
what you're doing in this community and thank
1:32:07
you for serving all of us. As you leave this
1:32:11
conversation, remember that yes, the past can
1:32:14
hurt and you can either run from it or you can
1:32:17
learn from it. So here's to learning and finding
1:32:20
joy in the journey. See you real soon.