Latest / Wedding Pros who are ready to grow - with Becca Pountney / Networking, Education and taking care of you - with Amber Anderson

Transcript

Networking, Education and taking care of you - with Amber Anderson · Wedding Pros who are ready to grow - with Becca Pountney

• 0:00
  Amber: I started my business before education was really
• 0:02
  a thing in our industry.
• 0:04
  And gosh, what I wouldn't have given to have it.
• 0:07
  And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don't take advantage
• 0:11
  of it, I'm just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don't know.
• 0:16
  I like what you're wasting such an opportunity.
• 0:19
  I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error and cost
• 0:24
  and all these mistakes if you just.
• 0:26
  Find the right education platform and lean in and you don't reinvent the wheel.
• 0:32
  Becca: I'm Becca Pountney, wedding business marketing expert,
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  speaker and blogger, and you're listening to the Wedding Pros
• 0:37
  Who Are Ready to Grow podcast.
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  I'm here to share with you actionable tips, strategies, and real life
• 0:43
  examples to help you take your wedding business to the next level.
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  If you are an ambitious wedding business owner that wants to take your passion
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  and use it to build a profitable, sustainable business, doing what you
• 0:53
  love, then you're in the right place.
• 0:55
  Let's get going with today's episode.
• 0:59
  Today I'm chatting with Amber Anderson.
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  After a decade in weddings as owner of Heavenly Day Events in
• 1:04
  Austin, Texas, Amber now runs Refine for Wedding Planners.
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  Amber Mentor's new, aspiring and struggling planners and is
• 1:11
  known for her radical honesty.
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  I had the pleasure of meeting Amber in person last year and I knew I absolutely
• 1:17
  needed to get her on the podcast.
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  Having attended her networking event at a selfie museum and having so many
• 1:22
  laughs, I knew she was on my wavelength.
• 1:24
  Life is too short to be serious.
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  Amber, welcome to the podcast.
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  Hi, thank you for having me.
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  I am thrilled to have you.
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  Now, before we get into this conversation, first of all, how
• 1:35
  much fun was the Selfie Museum?
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  I feel like that was a really inspired place to have a networking event.
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  Amber: It was, and it was something a little different
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  than we had done in the past.
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  We do this event every year leading up to Wedding MBA, and we just wanted to
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  branch out and do something different.
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  And we felt like, You know, we, we try to make it a networking, a networking event
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  and give help for guidance going into it.
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  You know, how to be effective and efficient with networking and like
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  what, what better way to network than, hey, can you take my picture?
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  So lots of selfies, but also just vignettes where people were talking
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  because we had a conversation starter in all these areas.
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  It was super fun, super creative.
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  Becca: It was a really great idea.
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  It was so much fun.
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  And I'm still using the pictures sometimes on my social media
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  because I went around that place.
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  I got so many pictures in so many places.
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  Yeah.
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  Amber: We're like, let's help people create content and get
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  to know each other, run around.
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  Like, I don't know.
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  You don't have to decorate that.
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  I mean, it's just a bunch of art everywhere, you know?
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  So it was fun.
• 2:33
  Yeah.
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  We enjoyed it.
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  I'm glad you got to come.
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  Becca: It was a lot of fun.
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  I'm interested to see where it's going to be when I'm back in Vegas this year
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  because I don't know how you're going to top such a fun experience so we'll
• 2:42
  have to watch this space to find out.
• 2:44
  Amber: We're struggling to figure it out because F Formula One is now going to do
• 2:49
  that every year and so no one will take our, no one's letting out bids right now.
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  They're like we're, we usually have it booked by now but they won't
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  even talk to us this early now.
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  It's frustrating.
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  Becca: So who knows?
• 3:00
  We will, I'm sure we will find somewhere.
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  It's going to be a lot of fun, but it was a, it was a great
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  night in the selfie museum.
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  So I'm glad to have you here on the podcast for my UK listeners
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  and those further afield can find out a bit more about you.
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  So take me back.
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  I always like to take people back to the start of their journey.
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  I think when we're at here as experts is important for people to understand
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  where we've come from ourselves.
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  So yeah.
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  Take me back, how did you get into wedding planning in the first place?
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  Amber: By complete accident.
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  I have a kinesiology degree, so human health and anatomy.
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  You know, sciences and was a personal trainer outside of, you know, my studies,
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  I, and then the world fell apart in the first big economic dip for my
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  generation, you know, the Great Recession.
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  So everyone, you know, Jim jobs at the gym were like nothing at that point.
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  That was the first person that people let go.
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  So I ended up getting the nearest desk job and just kind of kept my head down.
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  And I survived seven rounds of layoffs, which I'm, I'm just so proud of.
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  I learned a lot through that, I think.
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  And that has, you know, Carried over into owning a business.
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  I think that was a really critical period of growth for me And but I'm not a desk
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  job person And so this was at a big for accounting firm Deloitte and Touche
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  and they do worldwide work but I was in Dallas and I Wanted to move my body.
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  So I maneuvered my way over to the event side their corporate event desk And so
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  that helps me me learn a lot about events and large gatherings and organizing people
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  and the logistics behind all of that.
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  And then I met my husband and we moved to Austin and I transferred to
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  the Austin office and I did not enjoy the, the culture was very different.
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  I didn't, didn't like that office here.
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  And so after we got married, I, a friend of ours owns a wedding
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  venue and he encouraged me.
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  He's like, he wanted me to come consult with him on what I knew about.
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  events in general, and he encouraged me to start my own business.
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  He said, you know what you're doing, just do this.
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  And so I started my business with You know, he, he basically handed me 16
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  clients and that's unusual, but I also had to learn by fire that year because
• 5:24
  they ended up having a, a neighbor dispute with that venue and the fire
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  marshal came out and revoked some of their permits and we had to rehome the venue.
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  All of those clients, so here I am brand new wedding planner rehoming or
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  I got to know people really fast and they saw my work ethic and doing that.
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  And so I launched in that kind of wild way chaos.
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  Becca: Yeah, that is, that is wild.
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  Sometimes that we learn the best when we're thrown into the deep end,
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  because that's how we build experience.
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  That's how we show that we're really worth our weight and worth our time
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  because we, we can deal with those crises and you learn from those things.
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  But I think it's interesting that you got handed those first clients,
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  because one of the things I think particularly planners struggle with
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  is where to land those first clients.
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  How do they find those first people to take a chance on them?
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  Do you remember finding your first clients outside of that venue?
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  Amber: Yes, I think that really it came down to networking, and it came down
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  to my personal network to beyond just, you know, business networking, because
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  this was before Instagram, Facebook groups, and we had Facebook, but, and
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  Instagram had just and I think that's kind of popped up, but like we weren't
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  using these social media platforms for business at that point, I guess, is,
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  you know, where I'm going with that.
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  This was, I didn't have Pinterest to plan my wedding.
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  You know, this was very, we were all on our own.
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  So I really had to push those doors open and it really came down to
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  conversations, conversations, and just making, putting myself out there.
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  And I think that's still the case for many of us today and good old fashioned.
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  Putting yourself out there really does work, but it's it's it's hard and I did
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  I don't think I should have done this I did I did what I tell people not to do
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  now I priced myself too low and of course people booked me still like oh cool 500.
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  I'll do that and But that's not sustainable, you know, and I
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  learned very quickly that that doesn't attract the right clients.
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  I didn't care for those clients.
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  I had to adjust a lot.
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  So I don't think low pricing is the best way to do that.
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  So that's what I did.
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  Don't do that.
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  Becca: Yeah.
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  And that is definitely a mistake.
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  We see people.
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  falling into all of the time thinking the cheaper I am, the more clients I'll get.
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  But very quickly you realize, and I'm really busy and these clients
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  aren't right for me and they're taking me for everything that I'm worth.
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  So yeah, absolutely agree with you on that one.
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  So when it comes to getting clients and I think what you said is very valid
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  because actually I think I speak to a lot of people today here in 2024 who are
• 8:00
  relying far too much on social media and wondering why it's not working for them.
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  And actually I don't think the landscape has changed as much as
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  people think it is because like.
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  do think the best connections are getting yourself out there, going and meeting
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  other vendors, getting in the right rooms, going and meeting people face to face.
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  I mean, we started this interview, we met because we were in the
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  same room in the same place.
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  Amber: 100 percent from, and, and we are peers from across the world,
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  you know, and, you know, I was leading a session earlier today and
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  my guest was a social media blogger.
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  And one thing that she was really, really emphasizing is that social media by and
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  large for at least what we're doing or what our, what wedding pros are doing.
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  Cause there's B to C, there's B to B and there's B to C.
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  So like the model, the models are very different, but when it comes to
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  being a wedding professional, what is the purpose of our social media?
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  Is it to get leads or is it to be.
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  A qualifier when a lead, when, when someone hears about you and comes
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  and checks you out and make sure that you're the real deal and you look
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  alive and you know, portfolios and information and everything checks out.
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  I think that we as wedding professionals want it to be a lead generation and that
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  doesn't mean we're not getting leads from it, but that's not our lead source.
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  Our lead source It comes down to our network and our relationships and,
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  you know, making ourselves known in, in, in conversation and asking
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  our friends to tell, you know, Hey, do you know anyone getting engaged?
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  Make the ask.
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  We always assume someone's going to leave a referral or, you know, share about us.
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  And it's not that they won't, but like, we have to ask them.
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  Becca: Just ask.
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  Absolutely.
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  So you talked about some of the mistakes you've made early on
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  in your own planning career.
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  So pricing yourself too low was one of them.
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  Is there anything else that you, now you look back and you think,
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  I really shouldn't have done that.
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  I would never have taught someone to do this.
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  Amber: Oh, so many things.
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  I worked solo on the day and my, my area of weddings, I was a wedding planner
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  and, and I just don't think that's wise.
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  I think we need to always have an assistant and it
• 10:07
  worked out and it worked out.
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  I mean, I never had anything go wrong, fine and fair, but Does luck last forever?
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  Like at what point does that shoe drop it, and it creates damage in
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  our relationships and our reputation?
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  It hurts that network that we're talking about because that
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  really is where we get our leads.
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  They see that and they're like, this person isn't set up
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  for success and I don't feel comfortable referring them anymore.
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  So having an assistant, also just from the standpoint of labor and sustainability
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  and You know, fine and fair.
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  I did that at 27, but I'm 40 now.
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  I'm not, I can't, I can't, I physically cannot do that anymore.
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  So I think that it's important to have an assistant.
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  I think also this was, I started my business before
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  education was really a thing.
• 10:48
  thing in our industry.
• 10:50
  And gosh, what I would have given to have it.
• 10:53
  And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don't take advantage
• 10:57
  of it, I'm just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don't know.
• 11:02
  I like what you're wasting such an opportunity.
• 11:05
  I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error
• 11:08
  and cost and all these mistakes.
• 11:11
  If you just Find the right education platform and lean in
• 11:15
  and don't reinvent the wheel.
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  Grab a template.
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  Just, yeah, I reinvented a lot of wheels.
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  Becca: Yeah.
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  I feel that frustration from you as well.
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  And I see it too, because you think why is no one like, why aren't people seeing how
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  much further they can push their business?
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  If they invest in education, however, I also see the flip side where
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  there's so many educators out there.
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  There's so many people out there speaking so many messages.
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  And I think sometimes it can be overwhelming for people.
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  So do you have any thoughts on how people do work out?
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  Okay.
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  Should I listen to this person?
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  Who should I be following?
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  Should I be listening to this person, this person?
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  Cause there's so many choices all out there and they're not all equal.
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  Amber: No, they're not.
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  And I think a lot of it comes down to who's a good personality fit, who delivers
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  content in a way that your brain and your learning style receives it and absorbs it.
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  I, for example, my podcast episodes are 10 to 20 minutes and they're so low.
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  And I just like get out there and I just like word vomit a point
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  and an idea and a suggestion.
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  I'm done.
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  I'm in and out.
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  That's a very different model than most.
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  Right.
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  And so that's not going to work for some people.
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  They want the full hour.
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  Some people are like, just give me five minutes and I'm done.
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  So find, you know, your learning style.
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  First off, find someone that aligns with your values as far as, and
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  just beyond moralistic values.
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  I mean, you know, your business model values, the kind of client
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  you're trying to attract, the kind of client you're trying to repel.
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  I think that there are some educators that are a little more hand holding and
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  like, Sweet and gentle and then you've got educators like me that are like I
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  can't be in your pocket forever So you got to learn to problem solve here's here's
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  step a B and C to learn that and then Godspeed go do it And and I'm not gonna
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  hold your hand I'm going to speak, you know truth into the situation so that it
• 13:04
  doesn't take you a year to figure out what You know, it could take you a month if
• 13:08
  you just hear me out, I want to deliver that with tact and grace and empathy.
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  I don't want to be mean about it.
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  But so like find, find the right personality fit, find
• 13:18
  the right learning style.
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  And I also think find meat, find real meat and potatoes and make sure that
• 13:25
  that person provides quality because I can't tell you how many times I've bought
• 13:28
  something and I'm like, This is a canva template with like just a quick outline.
• 13:33
  I want real information and so downloading their freebies in advance to get an
• 13:37
  idea of how thorough they might be and You can't judge every freebie
• 13:41
  But I think just trying to vet it is helpful and getting on a phone call
• 13:47
  with them or a zoom call or asking them Can you point me to the right tools?
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  This is what I need I think a lot of times if we just ask those educators.
• 13:54
  Am I a right fit for you?
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  We're happy to tell you I have sent so many people You to someone I
• 13:59
  think is a better fit and I think, I think that's a fair thing to do.
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  So find people like that that you can trust, like are they just trying to sell
• 14:05
  you something or are they really care?
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  where you land.
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  And last thing I'll say on that is make sure that they have their, their platform
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  and their tools in a well rounded captures all of a certain angle, all of a certain
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  topic, all of a certain, you know, A to Z on something so that you don't have
• 14:23
  to cherry pick everything on that topic.
• 14:25
  Can you get everything on social media from that one person?
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  Can you get everything from, you know, your wedding planning
• 14:30
  process from that person?
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  And then Go from there.
• 14:34
  Becca: Really, really great tips.
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  And one thing I talk about a lot is smoke and mirrors.
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  Be aware of the smoke and mirrors.
• 14:39
  So that means if people are promising the earth or promising the world,
• 14:44
  be really careful about it because
• 14:46
  Amber: yeah, I think getting into these summits, you know, wedding series
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  summit, For one so free shout out.
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  Hey Margo.
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  Thanks for hosting that.
• 14:55
  I think when we sign up for things like that It's a really low hanging
• 14:58
  fruit ticket price point wise to be able to Get a good idea of what all
• 15:04
  these different how these different educators lead and deliver right?
• 15:08
  It's a great way to just get a feel for it and narrow down where you want to spend
• 15:14
  the rest of your time with education.
• 15:15
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:16
  Really, really great tips.
• 15:18
  Now you call yourself radically honest.
• 15:20
  I think a bit of that came out in what you were just saying as well.
• 15:24
  So I would love to know, as you go into 2024, you're speaking at various places.
• 15:30
  What are the radical honest truths that you are wanting to teach
• 15:33
  to wedding planners in 2024?
• 15:36
  Amber: I'm actually trying to put a spin on how I can do this appropriately
• 15:39
  because I don't want again.
• 15:41
  I'm so respectful of delivery intact and not being like Well, I see the problem.
• 15:48
  Here's how you fix it.
• 15:49
  That's just so hoity toity.
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  I don't want to be that An observation i'm really making in the industry
• 15:54
  right now is a lack of problem solving skills and I want to bring a call to
• 16:01
  action on that and, and help, help us understand that I think we're
• 16:07
  all a little bit in denial of that.
• 16:08
  It's like, oh, I can, I think my team has problem solving skills, but I
• 16:12
  don't have problem solving skills.
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  And, or I don't have, I don't lack those skills.
• 16:16
  And I.
• 16:18
  I really want to talk more about that and whatever, how and however
• 16:22
  many opportunities I get for that.
• 16:24
  I want to create opportunities to talk about, you know, slowing down
• 16:27
  and reading and searching and trying to solve the problem before we just
• 16:31
  make it someone else's problem.
• 16:32
  I'm not your secretary.
• 16:33
  I'm not your admin.
• 16:35
  You know, did you try to solve the problem before you made someone
• 16:38
  else try to solve it for you?
• 16:40
  You know, there are just so many ways to unpack that.
• 16:42
  So problem solving is one that I like to talk about.
• 16:45
  I think also just the general concept of so many of us are charging four
• 16:50
  and five figures without ever being willing to invest that ourselves.
• 16:54
  And I think it's really important for us to know what it feels like.
• 16:57
  I'm not saying go spend four and five figures just to know what it feels
• 17:00
  like by any stretch, but let's not nickel and dime when we're asking
• 17:04
  our clients not to nickel and dime.
• 17:06
  I think that if we know what it feels like to spend that, then we
• 17:09
  learn what that expectation, why our clients expect what they expect of us.
• 17:13
  And then we're not so frustrated by them and their expectations.
• 17:17
  We understand like, oh, that's fair.
• 17:18
  So that, and.
• 17:21
  I think the last one is just, I think wedding professionals often come into
• 17:27
  this industry based off of a creative skill set and a creative, you know,
• 17:31
  passion for serving and, and, and whatnot, but there's a lack of business.
• 17:37
  skill set that goes with that.
• 17:39
  And that's okay.
• 17:40
  That's why we're here, right?
• 17:41
  Like Becca has tools and this podcast and you know, we're
• 17:45
  all trying to help with that.
• 17:47
  But then for some reason it's like, Oh, well that's for somebody else.
• 17:50
  Or that's not, we, it gets dismissed.
• 17:53
  And I don't know that I understand that.
• 17:55
  It's like, there's a, there's a lack of, of acceptance for real business
• 18:00
  understanding and skill and strategy.
• 18:02
  And I think it's keeping, it's holding us back.
• 18:04
  I think the wedding industry is eons behind real business strategy.
• 18:09
  Becca: Yeah, I totally agree with you.
• 18:11
  And I think for some reason, because it's such a creative industry, often people
• 18:14
  fall into that hobbyist mindset where they don't feel like they're running
• 18:18
  a proper business because it's fun.
• 18:21
  And so it's changing that perception and going, You can have fun and
• 18:24
  run a proper business and it's okay to need help with that side of it.
• 18:28
  I always use the analogy to people I work with because I am a terrible
• 18:32
  baker, like really, really bad.
• 18:34
  And so I'll say to people like, I am terrible at making cakes.
• 18:37
  You're good at making cakes.
• 18:39
  I'm really good at marketing.
• 18:40
  You're not very good at marketing.
• 18:41
  So together we can create something great.
• 18:44
  And that's okay.
• 18:45
  It's okay to admit you're not great at everything because we can't all be good
• 18:49
  at every single aspect of business.
• 18:51
  Amber: We can't.
• 18:52
  And I think wedding pros really tried it.
• 18:54
  A lot of us, and this is very, I'm going to speak in a very
• 18:57
  blanket stereotypical statement.
• 18:59
  way.
• 18:59
  And maybe even this is more applies to the States in the UK.
• 19:03
  But you know, a lot of us left corporate America or started families and we
• 19:06
  think, Oh, I'm going to be a wedding professional because I'll get all,
• 19:08
  I'll have flexibility for my family.
• 19:10
  And then we ended up working 24 seven anyway, when we just don't have to like,
• 19:16
  you really can have the 20 hour work week.
• 19:19
  And have boundaries and, you know, saying yes to everything
• 19:22
  really is not the kindest.
• 19:24
  Like, we think saying yes is kind, like that's helpful, but it's
• 19:26
  really, like, if you say yes, what are you really saying yes to?
• 19:30
  What are you giving up to?
• 19:32
  You're, when you say yes to something, you're also, you're
• 19:34
  sacrificing something else.
• 19:35
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:37
  And that brings me on to the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about,
• 19:41
  Amber, because when I reached out to you about topics and things that you love
• 19:44
  to talk about ahead of this podcast, one thing you talked about in the email took
• 19:50
  me a bit by surprise because it wasn't something that I thought was going to
• 19:52
  be top of the list of things you wanted to talk about, and that was self care.
• 19:56
  And you kind of shared in there that that you've been through some stuff
• 19:59
  recently yourself and it's really changed your perspective on your own self care
• 20:03
  and people thinking about self care.
• 20:05
  So I would love you to just share some of that story with the listeners and to
• 20:09
  just talk to us about what happened and why that's changed your perspective.
• 20:13
  Amber: Of course.
• 20:13
  So in, you know, the too long didn't read nutshell, I got Lyme's
• 20:18
  disease in my twenties and I now have chronic Lyme disease.
• 20:22
  So my infection goes dormant and then comes active and back and forth.
• 20:26
  And so anytime it comes active, it wakes up some gene in my
• 20:30
  body that was otherwise dormant.
• 20:31
  And now I have some new autoimmune thing to deal with.
• 20:33
  So I hit a new autoimmune wall last summer and I almost died from it.
• 20:38
  And I had a real wake up call from how we operate.
• 20:46
  I think You know, in 2020, a lot of us slowed down, but that wasn't realistic.
• 20:52
  That wasn't a realistic thing to maintain.
• 20:55
  Right.
• 20:55
  And I think a lot of us, as we added things back, we were more intentional and
• 20:59
  didn't, a lot of us try not to overdo it, but at some point we kind of gotten there.
• 21:02
  And so what I have learned and know from my background in my health and science
• 21:08
  degree is that, you know, It's so basic.
• 21:11
  It's water, nutrition, move your body, get quality rest and, you know,
• 21:17
  but we don't do any of those things.
• 21:18
  And then we're like trying to fix it with a pill or fix it with
• 21:23
  the next freebie download or the next podcast or whatever it is.
• 21:27
  Like we're just seeking it in all the wrong places.
• 21:29
  And here in the States, we have lots of You know, our food is
• 21:33
  not, we have chemicals in our food that the UK doesn't have.
• 21:36
  And like, it's just, you know, our bodies are breaking down from it.
• 21:40
  It's causing cancer and all these things.
• 21:41
  And so I wish so, if I could get anyone to hear anything at all, I think it's
• 21:50
  You know, I would love for you to come to us and seek coaching and education,
• 21:56
  but I cannot fix any, I cannot help you with anything until you're taking
• 22:02
  care of those things that I mentioned.
• 22:03
  Water, nutrition, move your body, exercise, and rest.
• 22:08
  Every scientist everywhere.
• 22:09
  Every doctor everywhere that is that is the cornerstone of it and until
• 22:14
  those things are being you know minded We can't do anything else.
• 22:19
  We're just adding to the problem.
• 22:20
  We're just adding stress We're just adding more to do or just you know,
• 22:22
  and so I By being forced to lay down.
• 22:26
  I read a hundred and forty one books last year Becca and like what?
• 22:30
  Blew my mind didn't know that could be done, but I was on doctor's orders like
• 22:35
  every single day Lay in your bed, and I realized my business didn't fall apart.
• 22:41
  It changed a little, right?
• 22:43
  Like I was not as present, fair enough, but I actually made more money Not
• 22:50
  because I built these systems and I put it in place so that I could I I could
• 22:53
  withstand an emergency so those things are really important and but I I saw that
• 22:59
  water, nutrition, food is medicine, I saw that water and clean, clean, quality
• 23:05
  food, moving my body in the tune that's not more stress on my body, and quality
• 23:10
  rest have, it stopped a heart attack, like it backed all this stuff up that
• 23:16
  people usually just throw pills at.
• 23:18
  So those four things can save lives, they can prevent The stress of burnout,
• 23:23
  they can prevent, you know, having to overwork and now I understand when I
• 23:27
  come to my desk like that email does not have to be answered right now
• 23:30
  because guess what for the last year I didn't answer them all that fast
• 23:32
  and nothing, no, nothing fell apart.
• 23:36
  Yes, I want to be communicative.
• 23:38
  I don't want to be disrespectful, but I think that we put ourselves in this, you
• 23:43
  know, spiral of urgency that we create.
• 23:46
  It doesn't have, it doesn't have to be that way, so I just think if we can, I
• 23:52
  really would encourage everyone to slow down and really think about those things
• 23:56
  that we're told over and over and over and over again about self care, neglect,
• 24:02
  like, those are the things, y'all.
• 24:05
  Becca: Yeah, it is going back to some of those basics, really.
• 24:08
  But I mean, for you, though, because you're a motivated, driven person,
• 24:14
  you've got a successful business, and all of a sudden, you basically
• 24:17
  had to lie down and read 140 books.
• 24:20
  Now, for some people, that isn't the situation they're in.
• 24:24
  But they may find themselves in a situation where something happens in
• 24:27
  their family, they lose someone they love, and all of a sudden it feels like the
• 24:30
  world's fallen out from underneath them.
• 24:32
  They, they, it's an unexpected bump in the road in their business.
• 24:35
  How did you manage that?
• 24:37
  How did you stay positive?
• 24:38
  How did you keep yourself going?
• 24:40
  Amber: Admittedly, I'm not sure that I did stay positive.
• 24:43
  I think that you could ask those in my close circle or even those
• 24:46
  that just watched and observed, I think that they probably saw a
• 24:49
  pretty negative window from me.
• 24:50
  And I think that.
• 24:52
  You know, certainly on boxer, there were a handful of inner circle folks that got
• 24:55
  a lot of rants on the days and like, Oh, this stupid email, you know, and, but
• 25:01
  I tried my very best to keep it to that small circle and ensure that they knew
• 25:07
  what was going on so that they could be supportive and without judging me and, and
• 25:13
  also hold me accountable to, Hey, I think that I, I think my, this might not be what
• 25:19
  you're thinking it is or whatever it is.
• 25:20
  You know, you gotta use health, helpful language when you're talking
• 25:24
  to your peers in this way, but I, I tried to have accountability.
• 25:28
  I tried to have self awareness.
• 25:30
  That was important to me.
• 25:30
  You can't always know it, but I, I worked to At least try.
• 25:35
  And I think if we at least try, then we do catch it sometimes.
• 25:38
  But I do think that there was, I do think that my general, I think that people saw
• 25:44
  a side of negativity from me and I had to shift my mindset to not necessarily
• 25:51
  being okay with that, but Accepting it and knowing that it doesn't have to be
• 25:57
  forever and knowing that I have there is a real reason and that those that
• 26:01
  stay Are staying for a reason and that those that leave Might mean to leave
• 26:06
  for I just accepted that what happens needs to happen and then it'll all be
• 26:09
  okay and that so I I I don't think I stayed positive or you know, motivated.
• 26:16
  I think I really just put one foot in front of the other and took it.
• 26:20
  I, I, there were so many times last year, Becca, that I, I said to myself,
• 26:24
  hour by hour, just get through the next hour, just get through the next hour.
• 26:29
  That got, that did it for me.
• 26:32
  And again, we're all so different, but a lot of this comes down to making a choice.
• 26:38
  Get up, fill up your water bottle, drink it.
• 26:40
  You know, I don't want to do it anyway.
• 26:43
  And we just have to make those those choices.
• 26:46
  Becca: Yeah, and looking after ourselves is one of the hardest things.
• 26:49
  I think it's ironic because like you said earlier, so often people go into
• 26:52
  this industry, they think it's fun, they think it'll give them time back,
• 26:56
  they end up working all the hours, and so often I'll have conversations
• 26:59
  with people where I say, imagine you were your own boss right now, and you
• 27:03
  are working all these hours, you're getting no money, you're never taking
• 27:07
  a holiday, you're never doing anything, you would be really angry at that boss.
• 27:12
  So why are you doing this to yourself?
• 27:14
  So since you've come out the other side or you're where you are now,
• 27:19
  how has it changed your working week?
• 27:22
  Are you doing things differently?
• 27:23
  Are you taking breaks?
• 27:24
  Or is it a bit post COVID where you've just got back into the old rhythm again
• 27:27
  and you're just back to a hundred percent?
• 27:30
  Amber: Yeah.
• 27:31
  Well, I think, you know, when stressors are behind us or when health issues
• 27:34
  are behind us, we just naturally feel better and more motivated, right?
• 27:37
  So there's a level of excitement that hasn't existed for a while.
• 27:41
  And, you know, I'm such a visionary and I feel like that got dulled last year.
• 27:47
  And now I'm like, Oh, these new ideas and there's not enough time to do them all.
• 27:50
  And, and so I'm excited again, but I think now I'm, I'm, I'm going back to
• 27:56
  what worked before And then adding some things to what worked before was making
• 28:01
  sure that all those ideas get documented.
• 28:03
  So I don't feel like they all have to be done right now.
• 28:05
  And, you know, making sure they fit into the right quarterly bucket and,
• 28:09
  and right timeframe for my business.
• 28:12
  And, you know, so I don't overextend myself again, because if I, again, I
• 28:16
  say yes to too many things, then I'm just gonna be right back to where I was.
• 28:20
  And that, that serves no one.
• 28:21
  So, you know Managing my yeses and my nose is really big.
• 28:26
  It's a big, big thing for all of us.
• 28:28
  And then I think, you know, I'm really big on work less.
• 28:32
  Make more and I've seen that work really well in my life with both my planning
• 28:37
  business and my education platform.
• 28:39
  And so I know I like it works because I'm doing it.
• 28:43
  I know it works.
• 28:44
  I, it's not just like, yeah, work less, make more, come pay me.
• 28:47
  I'll teach you.
• 28:48
  It's like, no, I'm actually doing it.
• 28:49
  And so I stick to that.
• 28:52
  And so what I do is I end up finding, I make sure that I, I, I, I plan out my
• 28:58
  personal life the way I want it to be.
• 29:00
  And then.
• 29:01
  Whatever time is left, I will work.
• 29:03
  And that doesn't always work, right?
• 29:05
  Like sometimes you just have to go to work and be an adult, right?
• 29:09
  But like, I plan my personal life.
• 29:12
  I plan my business around my personal life and that has created a lot
• 29:16
  of, that's been successful for me.
• 29:19
  Becca: That's a really great perspective to have and I think so many people do
• 29:22
  it the other way around but you're right when you put the personal things in first
• 29:25
  and work everything else around it you leave space for those personal things
• 29:29
  otherwise business just crowds in and you just end up doing business all the time.
• 29:33
  Right.
• 29:34
  Amber: And it'll all get done, or if it doesn't, then did it need to get done?
• 29:37
  I mean, you know, and I think also one really valuable lesson I learned
• 29:41
  last year, and I'll give the credit to Jenna Kutcher she wrote How Are
• 29:45
  You Really, the book, and she, she launched it last year or the year
• 29:48
  before, and I read it last year.
• 29:51
  One of her big premises in there is finding your enough point.
• 29:54
  And I think that we as entrepreneurs and small business owners, and
• 29:56
  especially creatives and visionaries, You know, we, we have all these
• 30:00
  goals and then we accomplish them.
• 30:01
  And then it's, it's not uncommon for us to hit a, some level of depression.
• 30:05
  Cause it's like, well, now what the motivate we, we thrive on go, go,
• 30:10
  go and achieve, achieve, achieve.
• 30:12
  And once we achieve it, it's like, I, what am I like?
• 30:16
  I'm not, not like doomsday.
• 30:17
  What am I living for?
• 30:18
  But just like that, what, what's my purpose?
• 30:20
  We have to redefine our purpose.
• 30:22
  And, and she talks about, you know, a lot of us left.
• 30:25
  You know, our corporate jobs so that we could have flexibility and personal
• 30:28
  lives to build our businesses around.
• 30:30
  And here we are doing the opposite because we're just keep, we keep adding
• 30:34
  every time you meet the goal, we add a new one and that's not bad, right?
• 30:39
  But it, what is our enough point?
• 30:42
  At what point do we say, you know what?
• 30:43
  This is what I dreamed of.
• 30:45
  And this is enough and I am not going to add to my list.
• 30:48
  I am just going to live it.
• 30:49
  I'm just going to live it and be okay with it and I'm going to, I'm going
• 30:52
  to step on imposter syndrome and not worry about what everyone else is
• 30:56
  doing because my goals are different and I am going to live my life.
• 31:00
  Becca: So, so important.
• 31:01
  And we do have to remind ourselves of that for the benefit of the listener
• 31:05
  right behind me, as we're recording this, I have a sign to remind myself of
• 31:08
  this every day, right behind me, it says you are enough because I have to remind
• 31:12
  myself of that daily because we are as entrepreneurs, we're always striving to
• 31:16
  do the next thing to hit the next goal.
• 31:18
  And actually, sometimes we can just chill out a bit.
• 31:21
  We can just take a seat.
• 31:23
  Amber: I like knowing that.
• 31:25
  Yeah.
• 31:26
  If I, yeah, I can do it.
• 31:27
  I know I can do it.
• 31:28
  I've done a lot of really hard things.
• 31:30
  But do I have to do it?
• 31:31
  Becca: Yeah, exactly.
• 31:33
  You know, exactly that.
• 31:34
  Now, there's going to be a few people listening.
• 31:36
  But so before this, before we wrap this up, I just want to go into this
• 31:39
  little bit because I think there'll be some people listening who are in
• 31:42
  a bit of a dip in the road right now.
• 31:43
  It may not be a personal circumstance.
• 31:45
  It may just be to do with their business.
• 31:47
  I think businesses go through roller coasters and I think people will
• 31:50
  be hitting a point where they're maybe newer into the industry.
• 31:54
  Maybe they're trying to make it as a planner and they're just feeling like.
• 31:58
  I'm just going to give this up.
• 31:58
  Like, this is hard.
• 32:00
  I don't know what to do next.
• 32:02
  Have you got any kind of practical tips or advice for people who are in that space?
• 32:07
  What's a couple of things they could do to just try and move their business forward
• 32:11
  and kind of get out of that mindset?
• 32:13
  Amber: Yeah, I think experience sharing quite frankly.
• 32:16
  I When I found myself in that position about three years into my business I
• 32:22
  found a mentor and a coach and that's actually how I discovered Refine.
• 32:25
  I did not experience start and create refine.
• 32:29
  I, I acquired and purchased it in 2018 from my business mentor.
• 32:34
  And so I'm, I'm a result of refine.
• 32:37
  I went through the program and it, quite frankly, I will attribute
• 32:42
  that to getting my marriage back, my motherhood back, my joy in business back.
• 32:46
  Like I was just, I hit that wall.
• 32:48
  I didn't, it wasn't fun.
• 32:50
  I didn't want to do it.
• 32:50
  I was working too much for too little.
• 32:52
  And, you know, my kids were just.
• 32:55
  Growing up with, you know a mom behind a computer, a computer screen and our phone
• 33:01
  and so having found a mentor really helped me and making sure that my business was
• 33:07
  running efficiently with automation and that I was outsourcing and, you know, It's
• 33:13
  easy to say it takes money to make money.
• 33:14
  And that is true.
• 33:15
  It's absolutely true, but it has to be thrown at the right things.
• 33:18
  It has to have, you have to really evaluate and study ROI and where
• 33:21
  you're investing and outsourcing.
• 33:22
  And I think for me, it started with, what do I not like doing?
• 33:27
  And what, what am I not good at doing?
• 33:29
  Okay.
• 33:29
  Well, What would it mean to have someone else do those things or sometimes again?
• 33:33
  Like I said, you have to just show up and do hard things that you don't
• 33:35
  like is what it is Maybe there are some things that I like doing But it's
• 33:40
  not the best use of my time because I don't make money doing it, right?
• 33:44
  Like I need to spend my time where I'm making money.
• 33:46
  So maybe sometimes even those get outsourced But I find my motivation
• 33:51
  comes from fresh ideas surrounding myself with people You My whole mantra is never
• 33:57
  be the smartest person in the room, always surround yourself with brilliant
• 34:00
  people with, you know, creatives and visionaries and, and that can either be
• 34:07
  mentorship that you pay for, or it can be, I'm going to, I'm going to start a
• 34:11
  group of five people and we meet once a month and just download together.
• 34:14
  And Getting audits on my business, I think has always been really helpful.
• 34:18
  An outside look, someone willing to be honest and say, Hey, as a
• 34:22
  consumer, if I jump on your website, this is how I see it, you know?
• 34:28
  And so having real honest feedback on, you know, websites, social media,
• 34:34
  your, your offerings and how they're delivered, things like that can,
• 34:39
  can generate ideas and excitement.
• 34:40
  Becca: Yeah, definitely.
• 34:41
  I think an outside perspective on what you're doing is so important because
• 34:44
  we spend so long in our own businesses inside our own heads and I can go on to
• 34:48
  someone else's website and I could give them a full review of their website.
• 34:52
  But if someone else went on my website, they could probably do the
• 34:54
  same for me because, you know, we can't see what's right in front of
• 34:58
  us, what we're living all of the time.
• 34:59
  And I see that a lot, actually, with people.
• 35:01
  professionals when they're at a kind of a dip in the road.
• 35:03
  They do just need that outside perspective, someone to give them
• 35:06
  a new idea or something to come in to take them to that next place.
• 35:10
  Amber: And if you really want that, if you're listening and you really
• 35:12
  want that, you really want someone to be honest with you about it.
• 35:15
  When you go to them and ask them whether you paid them to do it or it's, you know,
• 35:19
  a case study with a group of friends or whatever, tell them that like, emphasize
• 35:24
  it as much as you can in the front.
• 35:26
  Like you only helped me by being honest.
• 35:28
  I, this only, the only reason we're here is because I desperately need.
• 35:32
  your true feedback.
• 35:33
  So don't sugarcoat it.
• 35:35
  Don't try to, you know, salvage my feelings here.
• 35:38
  Obviously deliver with kindness.
• 35:40
  Like, don't, don't tear me apart here.
• 35:42
  But like, really and truly, like, I, I can only grow with your honesty.
• 35:48
  And when they see that you're, you're going to receive it and
• 35:51
  you're teachable, you're more likely to get the help that you need.
• 35:55
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 35:56
  Amber, it's been such a pleasure talking to you.
• 35:58
  We've gone all over the houses.
• 36:00
  I've loved it.
• 36:00
  We've talked about so many different topics and you've given so many great
• 36:03
  pieces of advice, but I always end the podcast with the same question.
• 36:07
  So I'm going to give that one to you now.
• 36:08
  And it's this, what is one thing you personally wish you'd
• 36:11
  known sooner in your own life?
• 36:13
  business.
• 36:15
  Amber: It's funny.
• 36:16
  We were talking earlier.
• 36:17
  I was like, Oh no, I'm answering.
• 36:18
  I'm already answering that question.
• 36:19
  I think having a mentor, having someone that I could call or text or, you know,
• 36:26
  know is I have a meeting already scheduled with in a week or two was, I wish I
• 36:31
  had had that sooner in my business.
• 36:33
  I really do.
• 36:34
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 36:34
  And the accountability part of that as well.
• 36:36
  I always find if I'm meeting someone and I've got to have
• 36:38
  done something by the time I meet them, it always makes me do it.
• 36:41
  It's a bit like going to like Slimming World or whatever and knowing that
• 36:44
  you've got to stand on those scales, it gives you the motivation to do it.
• 36:47
  I'm exactly the same if I have a mentor in my business.
• 36:50
  Like, I do not want to let them down.
• 36:52
  If they've set me a task to do, I'm going to go back there and I'm
• 36:54
  going to show them they did it.
• 36:55
  So it sounds like you're the same kind of way.
• 36:58
  Amber: Same, but also having a quality mentor that allows you to show up
• 37:01
  because without having done it.
• 37:04
  not consist, not all the time, but will also extend grace and like,
• 37:07
  you know what, this does have a new business and, and then, and then
• 37:10
  leads you well through that too.
• 37:12
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 37:14
  Amber, if people want to find out more about you, if they want to find out more
• 37:17
  about Refine, where's the best places for them to find you on the internet?
• 37:21
  Amber: Thank you for asking.
• 37:22
  You can go to right now, Instagram is the best place.
• 37:26
  So, Refine for wedding planners.
• 37:28
  And then same with the website www.
• 37:33
  refinedforweddingplanners.
• 37:34
  com And I have I try to bridge the gap between all different categories.
• 37:37
  So focus is on planners, but I want to hear from all of you.
• 37:40
  if you, if you hear me teaching something, you're like, that hurts my category.
• 37:43
  Please.
• 37:44
  shoot me a DM and say, ah, reteach that.
• 37:48
  I want to hear it.
• 37:49
  Becca: Yeah, absolutely.
• 37:50
  Do reach out to Amber.
• 37:50
  If you've heard something in this episode that's resonated with you, or maybe the
• 37:53
  stuff around health, she's put together some great resources to help people who
• 37:57
  are going through similar health issues.
• 37:59
  So if that is you and that speaks to you, reach out to her in the DMs.
• 38:02
  I'm sure she would love to share that with you.
• 38:04
  Amber, it's been so much fun.
• 38:05
  I cannot wait to see you in person somewhere soon, maybe here
• 38:08
  in the UK, definitely in Vegas.
• 38:11
  I'm looking forward to more selfies.
• 38:14
  Thank you so much.
• 38:16
  You're welcome.
• 38:18
  I love that conversation with Amber.
• 38:19
  We went all over the place, but there was so many nuggets of gold in there.
• 38:23
  I always love hearing people's stories.
• 38:25
  I think we learn so much from other people's experiences.
• 38:28
  And as I said earlier in the episode, if something resonated with you and
• 38:31
  you want to talk about it further, do reach out to Amber, reach out to me.
• 38:34
  Don't face it alone.
• 38:36
  See you next time.