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Why narcissists love using the silent treatment · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why do narcissists love using the silent treatment?
• 0:07
  I'm abusing you here. You see what I'm saying?
• 0:09
  I'm emotionally abusing you. No talking like a damn library,
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  right? Why do narcissists love this?
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  Like why do they love using the silage?
• 0:17
  Why is it a weapon of choice for so many narcissistic people?
• 0:21
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:27
  The Narcissist Code. So yes, folks, the silent
• 0:48
  treatment is the weapon of narcissist.
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  I'll say it. Look, I'll say it loud and clear
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  for you. The silent treatment is the
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  weapon of a lot of narcissists. Not every single narcissist is
• 1:00
  going to be the same. Not every single narcissist is
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  going to use the solid treatment.
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  It just does not work that way. Let's just get that out the way.
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  Every narcissist is not going to use the solid treatment.
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  It just does. Yeah, it does not work that way.
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  Just believe me. But for those that do, why the
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  hell do they love it? Why do they love the solid
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  treatment? Love it because if.
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  Yeah, And be real, the solid treatment, one of the reasons
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  why Larson is low to solid treatment is because it's very
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  low effort. It Yeah, it takes it's very low
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  effort, very low energy to just not talk to not speak to you,
• 1:42
  right? Yeah.
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  Does it require some effort? Yeah, It requires a little bit
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  of effort because it's hard not to.
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  Yeah. It's hard to not just voice my
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  opinion or say something until you say something hurtful to
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  you. But if I know that yelling and
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  screaming takes so much energy, just removing that, removing
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  that energy right there is better for me, right?
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  I can give you the silent treatment and I can just save
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  energy. It's low effort.
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  It's low effort. Maximum results, right?
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  Very low effort, very low like energy, but maximum results.
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  I get the maximum for doing the minimum, right?
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  I get the Max for doing the men. Of course I'm going to do that.
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  Why? Yeah.
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  Why wouldn't I do that? It works for me, doesn't it?
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  Doesn't it work for you? This is something that everybody
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  has to understand. Right here is when you're
• 2:32
  dealing with emotionally abusive, manipulative people
• 2:35
  that if it works for me, I'm going to do it right.
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  If it does, just because it doesn't work for me, it works
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  for you, doesn't mean I'm not going to do it.
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  So the satellite treatment is my weapon of choice is very low.
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  I don't have to do much, but it's going to affect you a lot
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  because you want communication. Most people in relationships
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  want to communicate in a healthy way, right?
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  Am I right? Am I right?
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  For most people, that's a prerequisite of a relationship.
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  It's healthy communication. Let's talk, right?
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  Let's let's work out our issues. If we have problems, if we have
• 3:12
  issues, let's at least give ourselves the opportunity to
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  work about. Let's communicate.
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  But if I'm a narcissist and I love the solid treatment that I
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  can just remove that and I can get you, I can zip it up and now
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  I got you. You see how that works right
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  there? I zip it and then I RIP it and
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  then I flip it. That's a demand of an artist.
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  They love the solid treatment because it's very low effort,
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  very low energy, very low it. It.
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  I can do a lot, I do a lot, and I get as I do a little and get a
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  lot from it. Another reason why narcissists
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  love the silent treatment y'all is because of how it affects
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  you. Like seriously, how it affects
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  their partner, how it affects their friends or whoever they're
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  giving a silent treatment to. It's effective.
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  They know it's working on you because you might be begging
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  them to talk to you. They know it's working on you
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  because you might be crying in front of them, begging and
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  pleading what you did wrong. What did I do wrong?
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  Could you please tell me what I did wrong?
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  I didn't do anything. Can you please talk to me?
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  Just talk to me. And they're like just making you
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  feel stupid, making you feel like you the worst person on the
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  planet because they removed, they simply removed the
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  communication from you. And I know that sucks when
• 4:45
  you're dealing with a lot of people.
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  It sucks so bad for when you're dealing with this because you
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  just want to talk, you just want to work it out.
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  You just want to have an open line of communication here,
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  right? But that narcissistic toxic ass
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  person, they don't feel the same way, y'all.
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  They're they're not on the same wavelength as you.
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  So they're the fact that they're not on the same wavelength, it
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  just proves positive. They're going to keep doing this
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  type of stuff over and over and over again because it does work,
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  because it is effective, because they can get away with it,
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  Right. So again, it's kind of like, why
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  would I not do something that works for me?
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  And why would I? Why would I not do something
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  that I see is affecting you in a major way?
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  I know that me removing the communication is affecting you
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  and making you cry and hurting you.
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  So yeah, I'm going to keep doing it.
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  And it sucks. Lee, that.
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  Lee, that sounds so evil. Why the hell are they so evil?
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  Why, Yeah. I don't make the rules.
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  I just enforce them. I just tell you about the rules,
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  right? I really, really just tell you
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  about the rules 'cause they love leaves in the silent treatment
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  For these reasons. Like seriously.
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  And I Yeah. And I was just talking just now,
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  I came up with another reason in my head.
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  I thought about this right here. And this might be one of the
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  main reasons why narcissists love the silent treatment, if
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  not the number one reason. It's because it's so covert.
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  It's it's, it's so covert and so many people will not view
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  removing communication, not talking to you, giving you the
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  silent treatment as abuse. It's so covert.
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  It's so effectively covert that you can't necessarily call me an
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  abuser because I'm not talking to you, right?
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  I'm talking to everybody else. Everybody else is look, I'm, I'm
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  the life of the party. I'm dancing.
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  I'm talking to everybody. I'm dancing, I'm chilling.
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  But you I'm not talking to at all.
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  So everybody else. Thanks.
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  I'm great. It's so covert.
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  I'm loudly talking. I'm look, I'm even talking to
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  people in your vicinity. I'm talking to people that are
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  around you. I'm literally talking to people
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  right beside you. But I'm ignoring you.
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  That's effective. That's effective abuse right
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  there. That's effective.
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  Where is? Yeah, that's effective work
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  right there. When you're dealing with a
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  manipulator that's affecting. Tell me that's not effective,
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  Tim. It's not effective right there.
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  Y'all seriously? It works.
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  Call me, call you going to call me an abuser even though I'm
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  literally right here talking to everybody else.
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  I'm just punishing you and the fact that I'm talking to
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  everybody else makes you angrier.
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  You see that? My words work and it could get a
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  reaction from you. So this builds on to that.
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  It's a covert form of manipulation.
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  It's a covert form of abuse. Then nobody really knows what's
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  going on. I'm talking to everybody else.
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  I'm just not talking to you, Right?
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  And guess what happened? I'm talking to somebody directly
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  beside you. I'm ignoring you, acting like
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  you don't exist, Right. Hey.
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  Yeah. Hey.
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  You right here. I'm like, yeah, that's crazy,
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  right? I love using my voice.
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  I love talking to people who deserve my voice something you
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  know. It's crazy how some people in
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  your life don't deserve to hear your don't deserve to hear your
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  words directed towards them. They don't deserve to
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  communicate with you right? Am I right?
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  You understand that how some ignorant stupid ass people don't
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  deserve your voice and then you snap.
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  You'd have had enough. You react in front everybody,
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  they didn't triggered you to react in front of everybody and
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  now you look like the bad guy. Did I say something to them?
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  Why you yelling at? Y'all see what I deal with?
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  Still look, still not talking to you.
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  Y'all see what I deal with? Why am I being yelled at?
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  Still ignoring you, still giving you the silent treatment and
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  still talking around you. While you're yelling and
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  screaming at me, while you're angry at me, I'm still talking
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  around you. I'm exacerbating the issue.
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  I'm stocking the flames with the fire.
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  I'm feeding the fire. I'm feeding your fire right now.
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  You're mad as hell. You're pissed off at me, right?
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  You're yelling at me. I'm still ignoring you and
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  they're making you mad and they're making you look that's
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  making you react more, that's making you look crazier to
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  everybody else around us. It's effective.
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  I told y'all it's effective. Y'all don't be believing me.
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  It's effective. Y'all do believe me.
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  It's effective because anybody who's been a victim of
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  dishonestry knows that it's effective.
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  They know that it's effective. They know that it works out.
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  They get they get their, they get their desired results with
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  little effort, little energy, and they can just have fun with
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  it. They'll be humming around you,
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  dancing with you, making it seem like not talking to you is that
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  they're having a time of their life.
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  Not talking to you is the best thing that ever happened to
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  them, right? And that's driving you crazy
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  because you just want to talk. You just want to communicate.
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  You don't even know what you did wrong.
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  So you're snapping, you're reacting, you're telling your
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  friends and family about it. And guess what?
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  They something, some of them look like, look at you like
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  you're crazy because so he's not talking to you.
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  So you yelled at him? Wow.
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  I wouldn't talk to you either. Gotcha.
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  Now more people are on my side and I didn't have to do
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  anything. All I have to do is ignore you
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  and talk to other people around you.
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  Now you, because your react, you couldn't control your reaction.
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  I have more people on my side now.
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  You see how that works right there?
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  It's so insidious. It's nasty.
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  What do I call it? Nasty work.
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  That's nasty work right there. That's nasty work.
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  Dirty work even. But this is who you're dealing
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  with. This is the manipulative, the
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  manipulative person that you're sharing your life with.
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  This is the horrible person that you've had kids with.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's going to hurt.
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  It's going to suck because when they're giving the silent
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  treatment to the kids, it's going to suck.
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  When they're ignoring you in front of the kids, when they're
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  ignoring the kids, when they're just in their own little bubble
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  in their own little toxic ass world, it's going to suck.
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  Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. But what you can do is learn to
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  enjoy the silence. That's your weapon right there.
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  You start enjoying the silence. You start finding something to
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  do during the silence because if they if they see it's not
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  working, then they will stop using it.
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  Sometimes, right, they won't. It does.
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  It's not a fool, y'all. It's not foolproof plan.
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  It's not, it's not foolproof science.
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  It's not invaluable, but it can work for you.
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  Can't help you out a lot, but you have to be able to.
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  You have to be the one to protect yourself right here.
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  You have to be the one that stands tall.
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  You have to be the one that chooses yourself and understand
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  that it's OK to choose you. It absolutely is.
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  It absolutely is. Enjoy the silence, find a hobby,
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  read a book, go for a walk, look.
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  And if you have to say something, something to them, if
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  you have to share some type of information with them, share it
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  with them. Leave a note on the fridge, send
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  it to them in a text message. So when they start talking to
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  you again, when they start pretending like nothing
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  happened, when they just say hey, when they've been silent to
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  you for three days and all of a sudden in the kitchen in the
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  morning, they hey babe, how you doing?
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  You can just like because you know it's coming.
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  Narcissistic people if nothing can be very predictable once you
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  learn their patterns, y'all. I'm not saying they're easier to
• 11:58
  deal with, but it can be easier on your mental health once you
• 12:01
  learn their patterns and learn who the hell learn them more and
• 12:03
  more and more y'all. And if you're interested in
• 12:06
  learning about narcissists more and more and more you made it to
• 12:08
  the end of this video. So you might be come to my in
• 12:11
  person live workshop and on June 28th in Atlanta, GA, Atlanta,
• 12:15
  GA, we're going to be coming to your Coming your way.
• 12:19
  Atlanta, GA We're coming your way live and in person on June
• 12:22
  28th to help you heal from narcissistic abuse.
• 12:24
  You can find more information at the link on the screen.
• 12:26
  Mental illness.net/events get registered up y'all.
• 12:30
  And it's also a virtual option as well.
• 12:32
  There is a virtual option as well.
• 12:35
  Virtual option as well is virtual option as well.
• 12:43
  Anyway y'all hit that subscribe button and as always mental
• 12:46
  illness is out. Peace.
• 12:49
  Before you leave make sure to hit that subscribe button if you
• 12:52
  haven't. It just helps us reach more
• 12:53
  people. Also everything I have is
• 12:56
  available at mentalillness.net, my coaching, my courses.
• 12:59
  I have a couple of courses that can help you understand and help
• 13:01
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• 13:04
  mentalillness.net. Check my site off everything
• 13:07
  y'all and I will see y'all later.
• 13:08
  Peace.