Latest / R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E. / Get Off the Ride: Break Your Life's Cycles

Transcript

Get Off the Ride: Break Your Life's Cycles · R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E.

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  Welcome to Real Talk for Real Life, where we're realizing everyone is always
• 0:07
  learning and living your full experience.
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  I'm your host, Coach C, and this is a Fearless Friday episode. Round and round we go.
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  Today, we're going to talk about something that all of us have either done ourselves,
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  or watched somebody else do.
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  Because if it isn't us, it's our friends, our foes, our frenemies,
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  our family, and sometimes it's all of the above.
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  Round and round we go.
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  Same situation, different day. Same problem, different person.
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  Same argument, different month.
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  Same decision, different consequences. Same cycle.
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  Round and round we go. And baby, I'm dizzy.
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  Y'all remember the merry-go-round? When we were kids, that merry-go-round was lit.
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  We could get on and get in position and hold on. And someone else started pushing
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  that thing as fast as they could.
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  And we'd be holding on for dear life screaming, faster, faster,
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  until faster became, wait, stop.
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  Because eventually somebody got dizzy. Somebody got sick.
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  Somebody's hands started slipping somebody stuck their foot out trying to slow
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  the whole thing down and if you were anything like me at some point you decided I'm jumping,
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  didn't matter how fast that thing was spinning didn't matter that jumping was
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  probably not the safest exit strategy you saw the grass you calculated absolutely nothing and jumped,
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  now you might have walked away with scraped knees, scraped elbows,
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  grass stains, and maybe a story you couldn't tell your mom because you already
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  knew she was going to ask, now why would you do that?
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  But you know what? You got off the ride. So here's my question.
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  If we knew how to get off a merry-go-round as children and even jump some of
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  us, why are some of us still riding the same one at our big ages?
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  Movement is not always progress because here's what makes cycles deceptive. You're moving.
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  You're busy. You're experiencing things.
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  Things are happening. So it feels like you're going somewhere.
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  But look around. You've seen this scenery before.
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  You've had this argument before. You've made this promise before.
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  You've forgiven this behavior before. you've quit and restarted this thing before
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  you spent the money and regretted it before you've ignored the red flag before
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  you've said this is the last time before you've gone back before you procrastinated
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  before you've made the excuse before you've apologized for the same thing before
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  you cried these tears before baby you are not traveling you are circling and
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  there is a difference movement can fool you into thinking you're making progress
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  but progress should eventually take you somewhere you haven't been,
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  same ride different horse.
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  And child sometimes we get real creative with our cycles.
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  We change the people, but keep the pattern. New relationship, same dysfunction.
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  New job, same habits. New year, same excuses. New opportunity, same fear.
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  New friendship, same lack of boundaries. New goal, same inconsistency.
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  New budget, Same spending Different horse Same merry-go-round.
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  Then we start asking, why does this keep happening to me?
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  And sometimes that is absolutely the right question, but sometimes we need to change one little word.
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  Why do I keep participating in this?
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  Because everything happening repeatedly around you isn't necessarily your fault.
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  But once you recognize a pattern, you have to decide what responsibility you
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  have for continuing to participate in it.
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  That's where fearless living gets uncomfortable. Because identifying somebody else's pattern is easy.
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  Identifying ours, child, different ministry.
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  Stop studying the other riders. Yeah, I said it.
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  Stop studying the other riders Some of us know everybody else's problem We know
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  why they keep doing what they do,
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  We know what they need to change We know who they need to lead
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  We know what they need to stop We know what they should have done Meanwhile,
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  we're on the horse right beside them Going round and round.
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  Baby, stop studying everybody else on the ride and check your seat.
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  What cycle are you repeating? What boundary are you refusing to enforce?
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  What decision are you postponing?
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  What truth are you avoiding? What habit are you excusing?
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  What lesson keeps returning because you haven't learned what it came to teach you?
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  Because eventually, we have to stop pointing at everybody else on our modern-day
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  merry-go-round, which is a carousel, and ask, what is my part in keeping this thing going?
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  Familiar doesn't mean healthy. And this is a big one.
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  Sometimes we stay on the ride because we know the ride.
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  It's familiar. We know where it speeds up.
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  We know where it slows down. We know where it hurts. We know what happens next.
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  And strangely enough, predictability can feel safer than uncertainty.
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  Even when what's predictable is painful. At least I know this pain.
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  At least I understand this dysfunction.
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  At least I know this relationship. At least I know this job.
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  At least I know this version of myself.
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  But familiar and healthy are not synonyms. Familiar can still be dysfunctional.
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  And sometimes the life you're praying for is sitting outside the gate while
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  you're holding on to something simply because you've ridden it for so long.
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  Somebody has to stop pushing. Remember how the merry-go-round worked?
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  Somebody had to keep pushing it.
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  And some cycles work the same way. Something keeps giving them momentum. Maybe it's fear.
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  Maybe it's loneliness. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it's guilt.
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  Maybe it's comfort. Maybe it's denial. Maybe it's financial dependence.
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  Maybe it's the need for approval.
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  Maybe it's your refusal to have a difficult conversation.
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  Maybe it's your unwillingness to accept what somebody has repeatedly shown you.
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  Or maybe it's you continuing to give something access that you already know costs you peace.
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  So ask yourself, what keeps pushing this cycle?
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  Because if you can identify what gives the cycle momentum, you can start taking its power away.
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  You don't have to wait for the ride to stop.
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  Now, here's where we're going to get fearless. Some of us are waiting for circumstances
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  to make getting all comfortable.
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  We want everything to slow down first. We want everybody to understand.
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  We want closure. We want an apology. We want confirmation. We want a perfect exit.
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  We want everybody to agree with our decision.
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  And sometimes that ain't happening.
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  Sometimes you have to get off while it's still moving Now don't take me literally
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  and go jumping off amusement park rides, child I'm talking about life,
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  Sometimes breaking a cycle is uncomfortable Sometimes boundaries disappoint people.
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  Sometimes changing makes people who benefited from the old you uncomfortable.
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  Sometimes you have to make a decision without knowing exactly what comes next.
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  Sometimes you walk away without the apology.
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  Sometimes you stop explaining. Sometimes you finally say, this may continue,
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  but it will continue without me.
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  That is getting on the ride. And sometimes the ride is you.
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  Let me bother us one more time, because sometimes the cycle isn't a person.
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  Sometimes it's a pattern within ourselves.
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  Starting and stopping, starting and stopping, getting motivated,
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  going hard, getting tired, quitting, feeling guilty, starting again, round and round.
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  Or maybe it's overthinking, fear, avoidance, missed opportunity,
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  regret, promise to do better, next opportunity, overthinking,
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  fear, avoidance, round and round.
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  Eventually, you have to interrupt yourself because you can't keep asking life
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  for something different while consistently choosing the same thing.
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  At some point, stop it.
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  Not condemn yourself, not shame yourself, not beat yourself up, just stop.
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  Stop long enough to make a different decision.
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  Breaking a cycle requires a break in the pattern.
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  If you always respond immediately, pause.
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  If you go back, stay gone. If you always say yes, try no.
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  If you always quit when it gets hard, stay.
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  If you always stay when you know it's time to leave, go.
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  If you always avoid the conversation, speak.
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  If you always spend it, say some. If you always wait until Monday, start today.
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  Because you don't break a cycle by wishing for a different outcome.
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  You break a cycle by introducing a different action.
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  Something has to change. And sometimes that something is you.
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  Here's your fearless homework. This weekend, I want you to identify one merry-go-round in your life.
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  One, not everybody else's, yours.
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  Write down the cycle, what keeps repeating.
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  Then the push, what keeps giving this cycle momentum.
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  Fear, comfort, loneliness, habit, pride, avoidance, lack of boundaries.
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  Then write down the pattern.
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  What do you repeatedly do when the situation happens?
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  And finally, write down the exit. What is one different action you can take
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  the next time the cycle comes around? Make it specific.
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  Not, I'm going to do better. No, what are you actually going to do differently?
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  Because your fearless homework isn't simply identifying the merry-go-round. It's finding your exit.
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  And when that familiar situation circles back around, because,
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  child, it probably will recognize it.
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  I've seen this before. Then instead of automatically responding the way you
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  always have, do something different.
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  Take the exit. It's time to get off. Listen, we had fun on merry-go-rounds when
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  we were children, but even then, we eventually got tired.
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  We got dizzy. We stuck our feet out.
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  We yell for somebody to stop, and some of us risk knees, elbows,
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  and dignity and just jump.
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  But we're grown now, and going round and round in life isn't nearly as entertaining,
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  because now cycles can cost us years.
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  Years in relationships, years financially, years professionally,
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  years emotionally, years spiritually
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  years waiting for something to change while we continue feeding the very pattern
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  keeping it the same and tying,
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  is way too expensive for that so no more confusing movement with progress
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  no more switching horses and calling it change no more identifying everybody
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  else's patterns while ignoring our own no more waiting for somebody else to stop pushing
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  and no more riding simply because we've already been on it this long look around
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  if you've seen this scenery too many times If you already know how this story
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  ends, if your spirit is tired, if your peace is gone, if the lessons has been taught.
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  Over and over and over again, baby, get off the ride.
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  Scrape knees heal. Scrape elbows heal.
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  Bruised pride heals. Starting over gets easier.
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  But you know what you can't recover?
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  Time spent Willingly circling a place You already know You need to leave,
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  So this Fearless Friday Stop going round and round
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  Interrupt the pattern Make the decision Change the response Take the exit Because
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  your next destination Isn't somewhere on that Merry-go-round It's waiting for you
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  after you finally decide to get off.
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  Now go live theorists. Keep learning, keep living.
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  This is Real Talk where we're realizing everyone is always learning and living your full experience.
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  Make sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Real Talk for Real Life.
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  That's L-Y-F-E for more inspiration, merchandise, and motivation between episodes.
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  This is Coach C. I'll see you in the next one.