Latest / Dear Chelsea / Stimulation Junkie with Kristen Johnston

Transcript

Stimulation Junkie with Kristen Johnston · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. In September, I will be in Santa Barbara,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Salt Lake City.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies. I'll be there.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And then in December, I am closing out my tour
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at ChelseaHandler.com
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: for the High and Mighty tour.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Hi, Chelsea.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Hello. You're back in the States. I'm back in the States. Fantastic.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: You got your little pookie off to college this week.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, pookie. Pookie's in college. Yeah, one of my poopsie
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: whoopsies just entered the college chat. Oh, my gosh. So
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: she was just FaceTiming us.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: You're such a supportive auntie. You're just like being there
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: for her is very sweet.
• 0:55
  Speaker 5: I'm her father. I'm her auntie.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Excuse me.
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: Her stepfather.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: That's right. That's right. We're back in Los Angeles. I'm
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: home from Mallorca.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I did sets last night at the Comedy Store. Oh,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I added dates in Florida, by the way, for our listeners.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: By the way, I have one listener who has been
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: emailing and texting me for a long time being like,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: can she please come to Florida?
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, a DM is great.
• 1:19
  Speaker 5: Let her know.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: And then he was.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: So excited when you added Florida dates.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we added Florida dates.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: We're adding second shows in Tampa and Vancouver also.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I'm going to tape my special, I think, in Vancouver.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: So for anybody, all of our Canadians listening, those shows
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: are going to go on sale at the beginning of
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: next week.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: And yes, I added Orlando. No, no, not Orlando.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Tampa, West Palm Beach, and Hollywood, Florida.
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: I'm coming.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to Florida. I decided the fans are more
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: important than the state.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: I think that's great. I think that's great.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: And now, you know, they're hungry for Chelsea.
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: You haven't been there in a long time. So I
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: think it'll be really good.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: And the next, my first show back is September 18th
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: in Santa Barbara. So get your tickets.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: September 19th is San Diego. That's sold out.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: But September 18th is Santa Barbara, and there are tickets.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Philadelphia has tickets, and New York still has tickets. So
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: get those.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I loved our guest today. She reminds me of an
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: old friend that I didn't know I had. You guys
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: know her from Third Rock, From the Sun, Sex and
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: the City, and Leigh-Anne, which is back for season two.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Please welcome Kristen Johnston.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: My dead mother comes whenever I move in somewhere and
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: there's a bird's nest.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: My sister's a butterfly.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: So, oh my God.
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: Oh, right.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I totally get that.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: She just brought me a beautiful tray. Oh my gosh.
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: It's in the kitchen.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: A tray which she put wallpaper on with these beautiful birds.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: It looks like a starling. Is it a starling? I
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: You're going to have to ask mom.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I know. I'm going to have to ask her. I
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: have to get into my bird watching era. Oh, no.
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: We're hitting that, aren't we?
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not. I'm not ready for that. I'm
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: not ready for bird watching.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: I'm just going to watch dogs for the rest of
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: my life.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Bird watching to me seems like a very slippery slope
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: into wearing Velcro sneakers.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: And I am not. I'm not.
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: It's so true. In fact, I might be close to
• 3:07
  Speaker 5: the Velcro sneakers.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Do you think you are?
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: Well, I'm a side person now.
• 3:12
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: So I'm moving there.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: I do actually own a pair of Velcro sneakers, but
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: they're cute and trendy, I think.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: That's what you think. That's when we start becoming attracted
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: to it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 6: Is the problem.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: They've got 80s colors on them. I think I know
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: which ones you're talking about.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Those are passable, but I do have a problem with
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Velcro on clothing.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: No, Velcro is bad.
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: Velcro is bad. But if we can figure out a way.
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: That's why I like the slides.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Like even, do you ever wear eye shades? Do you
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: know how they have the Velcro band in the back
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: of eye shades sometimes?
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: You mean like the tennis, that one?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: No, like eye shades where you cover your eyes and
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: so it's blackout. So there's a Velcro in the back there.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: And that even like, for some reason, the feeling of Velcro.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: Is it the feel of it?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: It's just like it rips at things like your hair.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Like I don't have any hair to lose. So don't
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: fuck around with my hair.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to add hair, not subtract. You have a
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: nice head of hair.
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: Thank you. It's my one. Yes, it's my one shining.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say it's my wig.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know why.
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: And thank God for it. My mom has a nice
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: head of hair. So yeah.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Congratulations.
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Because for blondes, it's not easy to maintain a thick
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: head of hair.
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: God help us. No.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: No. So.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about the scene in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Sex and the City, where you, that famous scene, which is-
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: One of the most iconic scenes.
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: I'm so bored I could die.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: Your last name is Featherton in that?
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: It's Lexi Featherstone.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Lexi Featherstone, which is a great fucking name. Featherstone is-
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I know. Pretty much where it's at. It was a
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: scene in Sex and the City. I'm sure you know
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about.
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: Oh, yes, yes.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Best iconic scene where you're talking about- Because it's, first
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: of all, it's very emblematic about how I feel about LA.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Right. The party has ended in LA. I know.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: It's sad. Or is it that we're old? I don't know.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: It could be both.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, I hang out with a lot of young
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: people who party too.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Okay. But the party, so like if I hang out
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: with them, it's still happening. Yeah. But as a general,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: there's a general malaise, I think, that has set in
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: into LA.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: Yes, I agree.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Which you're describing and talking about in New York.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: But it's happened there too. Yes.
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: It's all the gentrification and- There's no more funk, just mess.
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: And I think she represented that because clearly it struck
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: a chord because people still come up to me. It's
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: the first thing people say to me. It'll probably go
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: on my gravestone.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, falling out the window was pretty iconic to
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: your death. And then Sarah Jessica Parker's reaction was also
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: pretty iconic.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Which was whoopsie doodle, basically.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: I think what really nailed it was the cover of
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: the post that they had, which is me in that,
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: some photo they got of me with the word splat.
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: And that's the episode.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: It's pretty cool.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is pretty cool.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: I'm not mad at it.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Were you sober when you shot that?
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: No.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: You weren't? No, no, no.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: No, I was a hot mess.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And were you, like, would you, when you were using drugs,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I know you've been sober for a long time.
• 6:14
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: And I know you lost your sister.
• 6:16
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: To addiction.
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: And yeah.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So when you were, using and you were filming scenes
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: like that, would you use drugs and alcohol or opiates
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: or whatever your thing was?
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, no, no, never.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Never, never.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: I was just kind of messy, like late at night
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: after I was doing a lot of theater, a lot
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: of drinking after theater, lots of wine, the occasional foray
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: into cocaine, but not like her.
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: Right. But I, you know, I knew what I was
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: talking about. Let's just put it that way.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I just think in those, Like, first of all,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: it's kind of all goes together, like acting, theater, waitressing,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: restaurant life, all of that stuff. Like you get off
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: so late at night or you're so wound up by
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: the time you're done with your job that you have
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to come down.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: So it is a very.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: tricky area to not get into a situation where you
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: are abusing drugs or alcohol or both things.
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: Yes, exactly.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: And you know, I think from, I was an addict
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: since I was a kid, even though I wasn't obviously
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: doing it then, but I like, I just needed to
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: escape always.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: I did not like being in my skin.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: So one of the first things I really had to
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: figure out was how to be in my skin. And
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: I know like I brought you that tray and I make,
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: I have hobbies, but at a certain point at like
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: five o'clock, you're like, what do people do at night?
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah. If they don't get drunk.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Right, right, right, right.
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: So I had to come up with crafts. Right.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Well, she made me this beautiful tray and then there's
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: wallpaper on it and it's two birds. It's like a
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: big bird on the bottom and a little bird. And
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: then she covers it in epoxy, right?
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: Epoxy, yeah.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: But the trays can be anything from West Elm or
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: they can be from Etsy.
• 7:52
  Speaker 6: Right, right.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Well, it's beautiful. Thank you. It goes with my house.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: But I had this, my friend who I call Sissy
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: sent an energy healer to this house yesterday.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: And she came and said, oh, there's a bird's nest.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And I said, oh, that's my mom. My dead mom
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: always makes a bird's nest wherever I am. And she
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: looked at me and she's like, tell me more. I'm like,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: there's not much more to tell. She's dead and that's
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: her nest, I guess. But so you bringing that tray
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: in was just like right on the.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Heels of that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: I really could not decide. There's this other tray I made,
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: which is like... It's a skeleton of a cowboy at
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: a bonfire, and he's just smoking.
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: And it's so funny and cute.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I feel like I deserve two.
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: I mean, yeah. Did I bring the other one? I
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: might have.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: I got to check my car. Oh, well, we're going
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: to have to check your car.
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: Because I'm happy to leave you two.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I assumed you rollerbladed over here, so I'm just so
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: happy to learn that you have your license. But I
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: guess you do have to pick up hobbies though when
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you get sober.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: Well, you have to just think of other things to
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: do with your time because you can't, you don't realize
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: until you quit how much time, if you're a real
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: active addict like I was, how much time is spent
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: figuring stuff out, how to get this, getting that thing,
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: getting this delivered.
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: You know, it's a lot of, takes a lot of energy.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: And does it, what, like when you first get sober,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: how long have you been sober?
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: This time, 10 years, but there was a little burble
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: about 10 years ago. And then before that was 10 years.
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: So altogether, probably 20.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, altogether 20. Oh, so 10 years and a little burble.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I got it. I got it.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And when you start that journey, or like, I know
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: it's different for everybody.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Some people really lean heavily like on the program.
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that wasn't for me.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: It wasn't for you.
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: Initially it was, but yeah.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Did you have people that you were able to lean
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: heavily on though? Like whether they're a sponsor per se
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: or not?
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Not really a sponsor, but a really good, my great friend,
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: Joe Schrank, who we're still buddies.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: He really helped me. He's a great guy.
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: He's actually a professional, like sober companion and does a
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: lot of, yeah. But he, so we're buddies, but he
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: really helped me initially. And I got sober in New York.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: So my whole home group is there and I did
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: go for a year pretty diligently and then I just
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: kind of was like, let me just try to wing it.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Try this on your own.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like with drugs and alcohol, there's a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: period of time where you really believe that they're working
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: for you.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: And I think it's true. Initially, they do.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: Whatever your thing is, I need more confidence. I want
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: to feel comfortable or whatever it is. I need to
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: escape or come down for my performance. So there is
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: a small window where they're helpful, but unfortunately that lasts
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: very briefly. And if you're a real addict, it just,
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: it goes south so fast because within a week you're like,
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: you know, buying bags of Coke or it just, it
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: doesn't stay at a nice sane level very long.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: So what are you, you, I know that you like,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: you say you were waiting to get back to New York.
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: You're a New Yorker in your heart?
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: Yes, forever.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And what do you think, tell me the things that
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: you love about New York City.
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: Well, New York City, I mean, everybody, you know, it's
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: the theater and all my friends, a lot of my
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: friends are there.
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: I do have some really good friends here.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: And it just feels like home to me because I
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: went there when I was 17 to go to NYU
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: and And so I was there for years, which is
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: where I met Mary McCormick.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: She's one of my oldest friends in the world.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: And I love her.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: And so I knew all these people there and then
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: kept coming back to LA to do work.
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: And it always feels temporary to me to be here.
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: But I end up staying. Like, I've been here now
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: nine years. Oh, wow. So it hasn't been super temporary.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: But my real– It does feel like a transient town, though.
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: It does.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: It does. I know what you mean. It really does.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: And especially here.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: Like, it's very– you're either in with this young crowd
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: or everyone.
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: Is, like, talking about their kids in college. And so there's–
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: New York feels– probably there's a bigger gay community for
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: me there.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: I love that crowd. So, but I don't think I
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: want to live in the city. I think I'm more
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: like a farmhouse, upstate New York kind of vibe.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because if you think you're in that phase of
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to go to my, I want to
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: like find my forever land.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Farmhouse.
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: Farmhouse, rescue dogs. Yeah.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: I want to be, you know, just let my hair
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: go full gray. And just maybe have some whiskers.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Right, right. Well, they're coming. I mean, they're coming for
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: all of us. My friend made me feel her chin.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: My sister has this habit of going like this and
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: feeling for her whiskers.
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: Oh, she does?
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you have to stop doing that
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: in public. She goes like this. She's like, mmm. And
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, stop doing that.
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: I think I do that with my upper lip.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do that like this to find the hair here.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Because I always get these little whiskers right here and
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: shave them.
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: And what do you do to get them?
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: Do you have like, I have like a magnifying mirror
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: tweezers sunlight out in my backyard.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the sunlight is key.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: The key, whenever I have these little eyebrow razors and
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I just shave them off.
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: Oh, you do? I did that and it cut my skin.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: You didn't cut your skin?
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Well, sometimes I do, but I try, you have to
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: be a little gentle. But they're like the little eyebrow razors.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: But when you get the right light to shave the
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: hair off your face. And obviously like I'm blonde, so
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: blondes have fuzzies.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Like you have fuzzy faces.
• 13:01
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: And so this like.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Area here, when you can get after that in the
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: right light and then you like, I have so many
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: friends who I've assaulted and I've been like, listen, give
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: me your face.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Cause I have a son. I'm like, I'm seeing something.
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: That's a good friend.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: And then you show them the buzz, the buzz that
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: comes off of the razor.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: And you're like, this was on your face. And you're like, what?
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: No fucking way. I'm like, yes, I'm your friend.
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: I worship women that do that to each other.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: You have to.
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: Too many people secretly let you have like an eight
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: inch hair growing there.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, God. I hate it.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's so unbecoming to age as a woman with the
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: things that are sprouting.
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: You know, you really have to nip it.
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: And if you're blonde, you can't get lasered.
• 13:42
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: Oh, really?
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: No.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: It only works for dark hair?
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: It doesn't pick up the light hair.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: But the other good news about aging is as you age,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: for some reason, you start growing thick black hairs.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: In random places, so those are laserable.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I was sitting in my bathing suit the other day,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I'm like, why are these, why do I have black
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: hairs inside my thigh?
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: But wait, can it tell what's different, the laser?
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, it'll go.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: And so you can go and get dark follicles removed.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: It will actually grab those, but the light hair, not
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: so much.
• 14:12
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of experience in maintenance.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Not that you don't, but if you have any questions,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I probably do more than anybody in this world.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: If it's available and it's on the market, I've done it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: You know about it.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I know about it, yeah. All right, good. You're passionate
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: about animals. You have how many dogs?
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: Well, I had four, and unfortunately, Lucky passed last month,
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: but I have three now.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Okay. I'm sorry to hear that.
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I had a dog for a week that passed away, too.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: A week?
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Well, we rescued him.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I was trying to give Doug a little brother, and
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: then he wasn't neutered, and so we went in to
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: get all of his stuff done, and they put him under,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: and his heart stopped.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: But it was okay. I'm not highly emotional around that.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I wanted to give him a good home. Luckily, he
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: had a week of safety and security and good food.
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: I know. That's so terrible. I'm sorry.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: It's so hard. I know.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: But losing them is so hard. I don't care if
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: you've had them a week or 10 years. It's just
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: the hardest.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: It's funny.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I wonder what's wrong with me because I just feel like–
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: It's such an understood and expected thing.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. That I don't.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Get that emotional about my dogs when they pass away.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Like it's sad for me to see them age.
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I hate that. Yeah.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I hate when they start struggling and I hate to
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: see them in pain. But I always think, and I
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: guess this was how I felt when my mom passed away,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: which was she was out of pain. And I just
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: think that that's a superior notion than living in pain for.
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: That I understand.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: And I think like my dog Lucky who just died,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: she was old and like, yes, in pain and she
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: was on a bunch of meds and whatever.
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: But, It's when they're young. That kills me. It just
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: kills me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: Like I still have one being this little Yorkie I
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: had who had a club foot.
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: And oh, my God, I loved him so much.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: And I can still like actually cry about him. And
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: that was like six years ago.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Do you do a lot of dog activities? Like are
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: you a person that goes to dog parks? I do
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: that a little bit, but mostly it's walking.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: My neighborhood's very, very dog-friendly walkie, so we just do
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: that every day.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Do you do it off-leash? Are you allowed to do
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: that with your dogs?
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: No, I mean, they do it, but not with mine.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I want to live in a community where all the
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: dogs are off-leash and everyone is just playing nicely together.
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: Yes, if only.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: My next-door neighbor has a dog and they have playdates. Oh, really?
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: And your dog gets along with them. Yeah, my dog gets.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Along with pretty much any dog except for the one
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: that I brought home. I don't know what, I was like,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I'm getting you a sibling because you're.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: So hard up for one. No, he's like, he wants
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: you alone. But he got really jealous.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: But that was okay. I mean, he could have gotten
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: over that. I was not going to let that stop
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: our integration.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Well, how do you feel
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: about children?
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: I feel really good about children.
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: I really like them.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: About the direction that they're headed?
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: I really love them. I love being around them. I
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: just didn't want any.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like children are smarter today than they
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: were when we were children?
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: In some ways, but also in some ways not.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Like how?
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: Well, like when we were kids. What area did you
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: grow up in?
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I'm from New Jersey. Oh, okay.
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: So I'm from Milwaukee. Like the outskirts.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I just performed in Milwaukee. Isn't it the best? Yes,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: It's a great city.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: It is the fucking best.
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: It is a great city.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: It's one of the best cities in this country.
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: It is. I agree. I think it's really in the
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: canals that they've done. It's amazing.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: But anyway, growing up, we were all the neighborhood kids.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: We'd be out until like, I don't know, 11 o'clock
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: at night with no one checking on us. And I
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: think there was like, I don't know, just less screen time.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Well, definitely less screen time, but just so much more
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: of an innocence. Yes.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Like there's innocence now in like, there's almost like sexual
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: innocence now because everyone's, the kids are having less sex
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: because they're more like, I guess they're exposed to it so.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Much earlier that they are maybe repelled by it.
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: But they're also not innocent in the sense the way
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: we were innocent where you could be out till 11
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: o'clock in the night playing in the street.
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: And read a book and fall into it.
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, that's a big one.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Like even now as an adult, I find it so
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: frustrating that I read a chapter of a book and
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: then I check my phone.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Yes. Like I'm so disappointed in who I've become.
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: Here's what's helped because I was like– this year because
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: when I'm on set for the show I'm doing Leigh-Anne,
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: And I would check between each scene and you know,
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: you kill time. And I realized I was doing like
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: four hours a day on that. And I just, no more.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: So I let myself check threads once a day and
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: I keep everything else logged out. I do that for
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: mostly news stuff. And I just– I keep the phone away.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: I just– Good for you.
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: But you have to like work on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I'm working on it. I'm not there yet. So do
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: you have like a screen limit time on your phone?
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: Like does it give you– No, it doesn't do that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: But I just decided like I didn't want to do
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: more than an hour a week.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, that's really good.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I mean I've had days where it said six hours
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: and 13 minutes and I'm like what the fuck.
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: Listen, I don't always hit that. So just so you know.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: But yeah, because I just realized I was– Like, it's
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: this whole world that has nothing to do with me.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: I know, but why... Like, okay, we understand that it's addictive. Obviously,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: it's addictive.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I don't know why it is, though.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: And why does it feel.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: So important to, like... Okay, the news is important to
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: be informed.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Yes. Right? Yes. We can agree on that.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: It's not that important to be informed about everybody's personal lives. No.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: That's the ancillary part, like the social media aspect. That's
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: not important. Right.
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: But.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: the news we could get in, like, I have friends
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: who are off social media who only digest the news
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: in the morning.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: They like, you know.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: And then that's it.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And then they spend their day not knowing about the
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: rest of the world and what's going on in the world.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I want to be like that.
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: Yes, I think you can do that.
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: I think it's really hard.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: But I think you can do that.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: It's like kicking drugs.
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: That's what it is.
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: It's absolutely as addictive. I mean, that's what I've read. Yeah.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: If you're not using your phone in between takes and stuff,
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: are you like picking up a book?
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Are you just chatting?
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: Like what did you replace that with?
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: Well, now this was something I tried to work on.
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: I didn't always get it this past season is I
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: tried to just be okay being bored.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: They say that's like the healthiest thing you can do
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: for your brain is like have moments of boredom.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: Well, it's the healthiest for me because I'm a stimulation
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: junkie and that was part of my addiction for sure.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: Just constantly needing to do something and escape my head.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: So to have this scenario where I'm in a doctor's office,
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: I'm waiting, and I don't look at my phone.
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: I don't know, it's kind of great.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: No, I know what you mean. I've done that before.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: I have moments like that where I'm like, don't pick
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: up your phone.
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: It forces your brain to just go chill.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I think that's the addiction is the constant cycle of information,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: just gathering information, whether it's helpful or unhelpful information.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: I don't think we need to see what's happening around
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: the world anymore. I think if you see that– like
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: I don't think you're supposed to see that 17 times
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: a day.
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: It's so traumatizing.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: It's emotional whiplash too, right? Because you're seeing war and
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: horror and then you're seeing a cute dog and then
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: you're seeing a cooking video and.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Then you're seeing like a starving child somewhere. Chelsea Hammer
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: being hilarious.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: Exactly. It's exactly it.
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: And it desensitizes you to all of it also.
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:33
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Which I don't like that because you look at it
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: and you– like scroll past something that you should actually
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: be paying attention to.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: And you're like, I don't even care about this. And
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: you're like, Whoa, that's a kid. Yeah. Yeah. A kid
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: with no limb. And you're like, I don't want to
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: see that.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: So then you scroll so that you can look at,
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: you know, who's dating whoever, Taylor Swift or whatever. And
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: it's just, I think it makes you a little crazy
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: and it definitely makes you less caring and less an
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: empathetic person.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: And it's funny.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Cause like in the pursuit of wanting to know more,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: you're having diminishing returns of knowledge. Like I remember I
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: dated a guy once who wasn't really up to speed
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: on like, the news or the political situation. This was
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: many years ago. And when I would tell him about something,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: even if it was a tragedy that happened in Somalia
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: or something, he would be like, that's such a bummer.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hear about that.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's our duty as human beings to
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: lay witness to stories.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: That are not pleasant. Isn't it?
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: Yes, I think it is. I think we have to,
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: just not every second of the day.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: But temper it so that we're not inundated and desensitized.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: The other thing that is troubling is like we used
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: to have, you know, from five to six o'clock, you'd
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: watch the evening news and you'd get all your.
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: News that way. And now that whole situation is now
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: so weird.
• 22:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: So you don't really want to see that. So then
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: you do turn to your phone because you follow this
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: independent news person.
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: So it's hard to get that hour of trauma over with.
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: It kind of ends up spreading throughout your day.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Right, right. So let's talk about Leanne. She's Leanne Morgan.
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Her show's on Netflix, Leanne, which is your show too.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: She is crazy. A breath of fresh air.
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: She is. Have you met her?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes. I love Leigh-Anne.
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: I was going to say you guys would love each other.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: She's just the best, man. I'm so proud of her.
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: What she's learned and.
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: Become supernaturally great at in a year, it's shocking.
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: It really is. She is a really good actress. Wow.
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: And she had never done it before.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: That's a huge compliment coming from you.
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: Oh, thank you.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: But she really, really.
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: I mean, we were sort.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: Of partners together in that, especially the first season.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: Because you play her.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: Hot mess sister, which is your favorite role ever. My
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: favorite role too.
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, it seems to be the one role I'm really
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: good at. So that's fine. But yeah, so she, but
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: she didn't know what she was doing. So it was
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: fun for me and also kind of scary to kind
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: of try to help her with that.
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: And she was just amazing. And now she's off to
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: the races. She's incredible.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: So how do you compare your, I know these are
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: completely different experiences, but talk to me about working for
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: so many years on Third Rock and then doing a
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: sitcom like this.
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: It's the same.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Is it?
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: Just different casts. Oh yeah. It's a multicam, which is
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: basically you put.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: On a 20 minute show every week, you know, and
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: you shoot it in one week and it's done.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: And that's what Third Rock was.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Same thing.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: When Third Rock blew up in the way that it did,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: what was that experience like for you?
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: I didn't like it initially. I loved the job. The
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: job was always gold.
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: But the insanity surrounding it was really hard for me.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: It really was. It felt very scary. It just felt
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: like malevolence. People recognized it. It didn't feel like I
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: thought it was going to feel. It felt really overwhelming.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: And then I'm fine with it now, but it was
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: scary for like five years for me.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it felt scary.
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: I don't know if it was, but it felt scary.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: And how did you get through that?
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: Drugs.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Drugs and alcohol. Yeah. Of course, I got a stupid question.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: That was a big part of it. And then when
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: that was over, I moved back to New York. And
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: that's when I, in some ways, it's got messier with alcohol,
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: but I at least had my friends there, like real friends.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: What is your ideal neighborhood in New York?
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: Well, I spent a lot of years in the West
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: Village and that's probably my favorite.
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: If I lived in Manhattan.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, you must be looking at New York in
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: this moment, especially with all of the stuff happening with
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: the Knicks.
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: With the mayor, his first year, the Knicks. Well, first
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: of all. How crazy is that?
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: What a good omen. I know, it really is.
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: And all the billionaires who were like, I'm out of
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: here if he wins. And they're all like, oh, it's fine.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: We're okay.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I was in New York this weekend and my driver
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: was like, no, but it's not good. It's not all good.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I go, crime's down, murder's down, everything's down. What do
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: you mean? This is a good thing. And he's like,
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: all the billionaires are leaving. And I'm like, but did
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: they actually leave?
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: No.
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: And A, they didn't leave. And B, what the hell
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: are they doing for your city anyway?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Who cares?
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: That tax that they implemented on people's second homes that
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: are vacation homes in New York, they already didn't live there.
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: That's a tax on people who already don't live in
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: New York City.
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: She's killing it.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: The other thing is the reason he's so scary to people,
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: even Democrats, is he's actually doing the thing. He's like, oh, no,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: you just flip a switch and then all of a
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: sudden everything starts working again as opposed to, well, we
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: have to go through years and years of pain.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Right, right, right.
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: He's just doing it.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, hopefully that can happen in L.A. Like hopefully we
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: can get that kind of energy.
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: That would be great.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Something happening here because this system doesn't seem to be
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: helpful to people.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: No, it's not, I don't think. But, yeah, I think
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: it's a harder city to run, L.A., for sure.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: We were talking about the beautiful tray that you brought
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: me and my mom's sign.
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: I'm very curious about what a house cleaning, spirit cleaning,
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: what is that?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Well, I went through a lot of drama with this house.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: So it was a long time. So my friend gifted
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: me this. It's like they bring sage and they do
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: a sound bath and they bless. They go through the
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: house and they light candles or whatever.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: I was in my.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Hyperbaric chamber when this was happening.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: So I don't know exactly what went down.
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: You are the most LA person.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: But I met with her for about 20 minutes beforehand
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: and about 20 minutes after.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: And that's all I did. I was like, do you
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: need me for this? Because I would rather opt out.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: And she was like, no. She said, just tell me
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: a little bit of history about the house.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: And I told her, I said, listen, it's feeling much better.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I feel much calmer. And it's... And it's like becoming
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: the sanctuary that I had envisioned because for me, I
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: travel so much. I also feel like LA is a
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: place for me to just to like tap down and
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: like get my sleep for three days.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: And then I get back out into the world.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: But, um, I, and so, and then afterward I came
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: and she said, just so you know, there's like lots
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: of magic happening around this house and like the trees are,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: you've got.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: To look at the trees for energy and they're dancing.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And there's a lot of dancing happening because it's not
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: about the structure.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: It's about the property.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: And she kind of broke down all the kind of like,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: you know, stuff I had to deal with, which is
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: just bullshit.
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: Like renovations?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Renovations, contractors, liars, you know, money not being, you know.
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: Are you the one, I'm mixing stories, are you the
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: one that RFKJ? Yes. Okay.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: I read about that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: How crazy it was.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I bought this house from them and it was a disaster,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: but that wasn't the only problem.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: Then I fixed it and that guy was a disaster.
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: It just was like, and I got into not victim
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: mode because I'm not a victim, but I just got
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: into this mode of like, is anyone going to help
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: or protect me.
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: But also it's your home.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: It needs to feel safe and taken care of and good.
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: It shouldn't feel, especially.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: When you're, when you're bopping or, I mean, not even
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: if you're bopping around, just feeling rudderless and feeling listless, like, uh,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: like you're just unmoored.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: So that was it really.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Um, so, but anyway, my friend had gifted me with this, with, uh,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: with this woman. And so she said, Oh, you know,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: there's a bird's nest right above your house. I said, Oh,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: that's so funny. wherever I am, a bird comes into
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: the house and I go, that's my mom. I mean,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I think lots of people feel that way about birds, right?
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not obviously the only one we've talked
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: about this, but do you have a sign for your sister?
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: My sister, she comes to my nieces in the form
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: of a butterfly, especially my niece, Emma. So we've talked
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: a lot about that. So now when I see butterfly
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: I think of Julie.
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: So that's another common one, right?
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: And I just love the feeling that that kind of
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: belief system sets up.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: For you, for people to... Because it doesn't matter... what's
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: real or what isn't real.
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no, it doesn't matter.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: It matters what you believe is real.
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: Because every time you connect with that creature or seeing that,
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: it's your mom.
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: And it's so good to feel her. Yeah.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: It's so good to... I hope I show up as
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: like a tiger for people. No, but I hope I
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: show up for someone as some sort of creature just
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: to represent me in their heart.
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: I love it. Yeah. And I'm so glad I made you...
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, weirdo.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I agree with you. I believe in that stuff. I
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: believe in energy. I think it's all energy. And I
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: think when people pass, when you have someone that has
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: such a big impact on your life, that they're never gone.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: No, that's exactly it. And so whether your mom is
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: a bird or not, doesn't matter. You see her, something
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: about a bird reminds you of her. And that's... I
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: love it.
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: I think that's really good to... Yeah.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: And also like, I don't think of anything like, I
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: don't know how you feel about this, but I don't think,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I think the more I'm learning, even though we had,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I didn't learn that much from Neil deGrasse Tyson, who
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: was on our podcast because he's too smart.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, what?
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Because I like to learn about quantum physics and understand
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: this whole, you know.
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: He's a genius.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: But I'll never understand it because I'm just not that brain.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I'm like, wait, what? He
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: said something like, you can look to the future.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: You can time travel into the future, but you can't
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: go into the past. Like, theoretically, technically, it is possible. Yeah?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Or was it the opposite? No, it was you
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: can go to the future, but you can't go to
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: the past.
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: The past has already happened.
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: But the future hasn't, so you could time travel to
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: the future.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Anyway, we're talking about, like, I always get my things
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: confused because I get quantum physics confused with, like, a simulation.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Or the matrix or when people talk like that.
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: Isn't that all sort of what it is?
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Is it connected? I mean, we can't seem to get
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: a straight answer.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's, like, the multiverse and quantum physics,
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: I feel like, are kind of related.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I thought so. The multiverse was Marvel.
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: But simulation is something else.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, me too.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: They use that terminology.
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: Oh, but it's a real thing.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: It's a real theory of every time you make a
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: decision or everything that happens, basically there's two realities where
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: you did make that decision or you didn't make that decision.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: So it splits into another reality.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And so it's like a choose your own adventure. But
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: are you living those two lives separately?
• 32:07
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: So there's like a million of you out there like
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: living different paths.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: Well, that's really hard to get on board with.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: It's a lot to wrap your mind around. But that's
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: one of the theories. That's the theory of the multiverse.
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: Got it.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: What do you think you believe in?
• 32:19
  Speaker 5: Well, I was going to say.
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: This is a kind of a tangent, but I was
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: nervous to come here today because even though I've seen
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: you around and met you before, but I am so–
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: I might actually get a little emotional about this, but
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: I have admired you for so long because I know
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: what it takes to survive in this business and thrive.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: And then thinking of you in the 90s or early
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: 2000s surviving and thriving– standup comedy world and what you've
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: done with your life. Like, I just think it's the
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: coolest thing ever. And you have, you have absolutely bridged,
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: you have, you have formed careers of so many people
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: coming up behind you in a way of how to
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: be a really funny, really smart woman and not I
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: don't know.
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: Get gross. I don't know.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: I just admire how you've lived your life. I really
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: do admire it.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I think that is so sweet. Thank you so much
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: for saying those kind words. I mean, I don't know
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: what that has to do with quantum physics.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: It doesn't.
• 33:20
  Speaker 6: But.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, wait a second. Are you trying to deflect?
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: You know what?
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: You were saying that Neil deGrasse Tyson was intimidating and
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: that made my brain jump. Oh, oh, oh.
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: But I will say I have no idea what the
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: hell either of you are talking about with that.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: But what do you believe? Like what do you believe?
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Do you believe?
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: Karma. Karma. I do believe in karma.
• 33:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: For sure.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: I believe in karma for sure too.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: But that's the only thing I'm sure about.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Do you believe in energy fields? Like that people have
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: energy fields?
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, because sometimes, you.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Know when you can see a dark cloud coming or
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: you can see someone who is like a glow?
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 33:58
  Speaker 6: Absolutely.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: But not always. Not always. You can't always tell.
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: You can't always see it, but you can always– I
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: totally get that and I feel that a lot. I
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: feel it a lot with a lot of people, especially
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: people like who are too nice.
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: I get really freaked out by that.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: Do you consider yourself to be an empath?
• 34:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I pick up on people's– that's what it means, right?
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: You pick up on other people's energy.
• 34:19
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: Completely. Probably to a fault.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because as an actor, I think that would be probably,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: you're probably very sensitive to other people's energies, other people's vibes.
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: But it's why I'm like, I'm one of those, you know,
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: what do you call it when you're outwardly gregarious, but
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: you also need chill out time?
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: An extroverted introvert? Thank you.
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: I'm an introverted extrovert.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, maybe. Is that a word?
• 34:41
  Speaker 7: Ambivert, yeah.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: It's like ambidextrous.
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: I love to have fun. I love people. And then
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: I have to shut it all down.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: Because I.
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm too sensitive to people's vibes, I think.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: I also think like some people start using because they
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: are so sensitive to other people's vibes that it's like
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: overwhelming and they have to find a way to like
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: shut that down or calm it down and like not
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: be as sensitive.
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: And one of the things for me too was during
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: Third Rock, it was so much press stuff and I
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: had never done anything like it and, you know, red
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: carpets and stuff. And I felt so like an imposter
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: and I felt unable to do it really without medicating myself.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: I think probably that's very common.
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: Yes. Yeah. It's just scary. It felt scary. Now I
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: think it's a hoot, but I can't believe I said hoot.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: We're going to get into this advice portion of this
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: podcast where we give advice to people.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: We have real people.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Can you remember either some of the best advice you've
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: been given or some of the worst advice you've been given,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: either or?
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: Weirdly, I think I'm one of those people that For
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: some reason, nobody gives advice to, weirdly.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Well, you seem like you've got your shit together.
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: Well, that would be nice if that was the reason.
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: I don't know why it is.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: But I do know that I either got this advice
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: or just learned it, which is no is a complete sentence.
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: And I wish I had learned it earlier. But I
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: started figuring that out when I was like in my mid-40s.
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: And it's really changed my life.
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: It really has.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: And are you using that now? And you say it
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: and you're done.
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: Yes, and I'm done.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah. No more toxic people.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: It just goes with a whole bunch of stuff that
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: I just don't allow myself to get sucked into anymore.
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: Right. Right.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I think as a woman, that's all any of us
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: really ever... I mean, I'm sure men suffer from this too,
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: to a lesser degree, but there's a big freedom in
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: being able to say no, period.
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: Which is weird because since we're kids, all we're taught
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: as women is to say yes or figure out a
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: way to make everybody happy and please them. So to
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: learn that, I just wish I'd learned it earlier.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I really do.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: I think everything we learn as women after the age
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: of 40, we wish we had learned when we were young.
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: Yes, that's true.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Like there needs to be, but I don't know how
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: to impart that wisdom to the young people because you
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: don't really gain the wisdom until you've gained it and
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: earned it and grown it.
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: You have to learn on your own.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: You can't be told that you're not, you know, not
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: to chase.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Like I was talking to my girlfriend this morning who's
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: like chasing after this guy.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, and she's old enough to know better.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't understand how you could be this
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: age and acting this way. I go, I go, I mean,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: with all the judgment in the world, I'm.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Telling you, you've got to pull it together.
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: And she's like.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: And she's like, I know. I go, it's funny.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I go, it's like you haven't had enough romances in
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: your life to understand this is not a big deal.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Like, it doesn't matter if this guy's blowing you off.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Don't let him wind you up. He doesn't get to
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: take over your day's emotions.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: And also, do we ever stop and ask ourselves, is
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: he even worth it?
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: No.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: Right. Exactly.
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: It's just a chase or making sure. But yeah, I
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: love no longer worrying about any of that bullshit.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very liberating and very freeing. But
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Something I've learned, like there's, there's, you can't, you don't
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: learn it until you grow it.
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: Well, our first question today comes from Alex. This one's
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: just an email. He says, dear Chelsea, I'm a single
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: gay man living in a major urban area. Who's 46
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: years old. I'm very happy with my life and completely
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: financially independent. I can travel whenever I want. I have
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: a great group of friends. I stay very active, both
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: physically and socially. I've been in a number of long-term relationships,
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: but I've also had long periods where I'm single and
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: And I've been single now for about a year. I'm
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: perfectly content. I can have sex whenever I want. And
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: I don't necessarily feel the need for a relationship unless
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: someday I meet somebody who's really bringing something to the table.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be in a relationship just to
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: be in a relationship. Chelsea, I know you have similar
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: feelings to me when it comes to relationships. I'm completely content,
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: but some of my more traditional minded friends still feel
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: a bit like, oh, I need to fix you up or, oh,
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: you need to be with somebody to be happy. How
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: do I convince them that not everybody needs to be
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: in a relationship to be happy and content? Do you
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: ever feel this from any of your friends or people
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: you know?
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: Alex.
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: First of all, Alex sounds like he has a great life.
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: It's like he's bragging. It's like a diary entry. It
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound like he needs a lot of advice.
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: It's true.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I just don't think it's important or worthwhile to spend
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: time trying to convince people of something.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: You have to live it and breathe it and exercise
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: it instead of saying it.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Like I'm so happy. I'm so single. Just show people
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: that you're happy and that you're single.
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: Or just tell your friend, I don't want to be
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: set up anymore. And if they don't respect that, you know.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I really like your hair color. It's really not brassy.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: I know this is a little off topic, but it looks,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: it's nice.
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: Poor Alex is like.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: I know, Alex is like, wait, does this have to, no,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with you, Alex. Yeah, I
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: just think like, you know, you can tell your friends
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: you don't want to be set up. If you really
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: don't want to be set up, then yeah, you should
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: tell them. But also.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: It's hard to tell people what they don't want to believe.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: People want to believe that everybody wants somebody and needs somebody.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: And that's their like, you know, that's when everything is
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: going to come together. And it's like, sometimes that's when
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: everything falls apart, quite frankly. You know, some people get
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: together and then their whole life. And I was like, well,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: nobody ever like, you know, nobody talks about.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: The upsides to divorce. Yeah.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Like there, which are, which there are many, like you,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: you have, I have girlfriends that are going through with,
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: have gone through divorces and realize that they get like
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: half a week without their.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: Children and they're excited.
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: They have a, they have like singledom and alone time.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And I've always felt that's the best way to parent
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: is like part time, right? You get a divorce and
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: you have your kids half the time.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's ideal.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: When you do have them, you're putting in 150% because
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: you're having your time is less frequent and And most
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: parents want their kids, you know, more than they get them.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: And so then you're really actually doing the great parenting
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: that you could probably be more lazy about when you
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: have them all the time.
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: Or too tired or whatever.
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: And there's also something to be said for never having
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: gotten married. And you don't have to deal with all
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: that financial... nightmare of divorcing and all that stuff.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's like, I think you just want to, Alex,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: you just want to tell your friends, like, don't ruin
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: a good thing.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: Don't rock the boat. You're having a good time.
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: Also, your life sounds awesome.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it does.
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: I mean, people would kill to be you. Yeah.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: Alex, you're doing great. All right, well, our next one
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: is a caller, and so Mae says, Dear Chelsea, I
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: lost my father a few months ago. He was my
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: best friend, my protector. He was incredibly gentle and kind.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: He carried me through every low in my life and
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: celebrated every high bigger than anyone else ever could. He
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: loved me in a way I don't think anyone ever
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: will again, and I feel so lucky to have had that.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: He worked out every day until Parkinson's slowly robbed him
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: of his body. In the last few months of his life,
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: his symptoms took over. He was diagnosed with dementia that
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: affected his frontal lobe, causing hallucinations, delusions, and eventually aggression
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: and violence, which was so far from who he truly was.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: I felt like I was losing him before he was
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: even gone. I'm struggling a lot with grief, and I
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: feel incredibly alone in it. Some of the people closest
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: to me who have also lost their fathers aren't showing
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: up in the way I thought they would. I understand
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: that it may be too painful for them, but it's
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: been really hard not having support. I'm also struggling with
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: the end of life and that I didn't get a
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: peaceful goodbye. I didn't get that moment where he told
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: me everything was going to be okay, that he was ready,
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: and that he loved me. I didn't get a clear
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: last conversation with him, and if I did before he
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: got really sick, I can't remember it. I know many
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: people don't get that kind of closure, but I'm having
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: a really hard time understanding how to accept that. I
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: miss him more than I can put into words, and
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure out how to keep going while
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: carrying all of this. How do you move through grief
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: like this, especially when it feels isolating and unresolved?
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: May.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Hi, May.
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: Hi. Hi, May.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Hi, sweetie. This is our special guest, Kristen Johnston.
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: Hi, hon. Hi.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, I feel for you. I really do. I could
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: feel the pain in your writing.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: And I can understand that you're going through a really,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: really difficult, probably the hardest time of your life so far.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Are you single?
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: I have a boyfriend. Okay.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: And how long have you had him?
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: About three years.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: So he knew your dad?
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: So he's seen you go through this loss?
• 42:57
  Speaker 6: Yes, he just hasn't lost his father, so he doesn't
• 43:01
  Speaker 6: really understand.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: The grief of it all.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I think the thing about grief is that it is
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: such a singular thing that you can't expect people to
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: show up for you in the way that you would
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: want them to because no two grievings are the same.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: Your loss is not the same as someone else's loss.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: Your loss is.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: what you're saying in your letter, what it feels like
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: to me is like, you feel like you were robbed
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: a little bit, you know, you didn't get the goodbye
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: that you hadn't had hoped for. You didn't get the
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: ending that you had hoped for. You don't, you don't
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: want to see him in that state. He didn't want
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: you to see him in that state. And that's really,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: really painful when you love someone so much and so hard,
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: like you loved your dad. It is so hard to
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: see them suffer. And, and so I would, I would
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: say to you, to really in his memory and in
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: like out of your love for him, to really like
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: write down some of the best memories that you've had
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: of him and like the highlights of the times you've
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: had together or things that he said to you that
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: really impacted you, just like the best of him. Because
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I think what you might want to do or what
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: might help you through your grief is really holding on
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: to the good parts of him and not letting go
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: of those and letting them be overshadowed by the end
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: because that's not what he would want, you know?
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: And I also think it's really important.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: We were just talking about this is picking out something
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: that is assigned from him and making an agreement with him.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: That he's going to show up for you in this way.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: Like for me, it's an orange with my mom was
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: when she died. I was like, you have to show
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: me an orange out of place. It can't be at
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: a grocery store. And I saw this big, fake plastic
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: orange somewhere. And again, these things don't happen in the
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: way that you want them to every single time, but
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: they do happen. And like, you have to choose to
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: believe that he is in a better place because he's
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: no longer suffering, you know, and seeing your father turn
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: into a man that he was never, It's even more
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: disturbing sometimes than the loss itself.
• 45:18
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: Can I just ask, is there somebody in your life,
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: whether it's your boyfriend or friend, that you could have
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: a conversation with about what.
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: It is you need from them? What would help you
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: in this moment? Yes.
• 45:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think I have a little bit of a
• 45:37
  Speaker 6: hard time kind of verbalizing what I need in that moment.
• 45:40
  Speaker 6: Like a lot of times, like I do internalize it
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: all a lot and I try to figure it out
• 45:45
  Speaker 6: on my own, which I'm trying not to do so much.
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: And so I do try to like express to him
• 45:53
  Speaker 6: like what I need. Sometimes it doesn't always come out
• 45:56
  Speaker 6: in the right way because it might be after like,
• 45:58
  Speaker 6: I don't know, I'm feeling a big wave of sadness
• 46:01
  Speaker 6: or something. I do have a therapist, which I'm like,
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: she's helping me kind of work through that where I'm
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: trying to express myself more and tell people what I
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: need more. Like I'm good at doing it with my
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: mom because she's like my mom. But with like friends
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: and my boyfriend, I am really trying harder to like
• 46:19
  Speaker 6: express how I'm feeling and like what I need.
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because if I was your friend right now, I
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: would love if you said to me, Kristen, can you
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: check in with me three times a week? Because sometimes
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: I think when you go through a loss, people don't
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: necessarily want to be like, how are you doing?
• 46:38
  Speaker 5: They don't know what to do a lot of times.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: No, it's true.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: People don't know what to do, especially if they haven't
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: experienced that same kind of loss. And I know it's
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: disappointing when people have had losses and they still don't
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: show up in the way that you expect them to.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: But it's also, I think, you know, that's all well
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: and good, you know, expressing yourself and saying what you need.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: But it is a real inside job for you to
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: like talk through like these feelings with your therapist too,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: to really to accept that he's gone and to do
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: the work to remember him in.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: The best light. you know, because that's really what he wants.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: He wants the best for you. He wants you to
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: be happy.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: He doesn't want you to be grieving, you know, so hard,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: which is obviously unavoidable, but you know, you want to
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: just be able to think about him and like kind
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: of beam yourself up in a sense, like him, like
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: thinking of him as like a buoy for you in
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: a sense, like when you have his support and you're
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: thinking of him, it's almost like he's helping you, you know,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: like through it. And it's totally fine to have your,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: breakdowns and times because as soon as you let yourself cry.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: It's like you're better. It's a release.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: And you give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes or
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: an hour, whatever it is you need, and then you
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: come back and you're like, okay, that felt good.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I can move on. And those things are all fine.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: Those are all worth acknowledging.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: But I think it's really important to write down all
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: of the things that your father meant to you.
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: I love that.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: And get that all out.
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: I think that's such a good idea.
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: And so then you have that and you can look
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: at it and you can keep adding to it and
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: you can keep, you know, remembering things. And then it's
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: kind of like a fun memory game of like, Oh God.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: And then you, it spurs another memory. Like, Oh, remember
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: when I was in fourth grade and he took me
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: to this dance or he dropped me off and he
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: said this funny thing to my friend. Like once you
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: kind of train your brain to get on that bicycle,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: you will start to think of all the different things
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: and the ways he impacted you, which you probably have
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: forgotten because your grief is overshadowing all of that.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:40
  Speaker 6: I do a lot of journaling and stuff. And so
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: I do really like that idea because I mean, like
• 48:45
  Speaker 6: you said, like his like passing and everything before it
• 48:49
  Speaker 6: lives so presently in my brain. And like, I get
• 48:51
  Speaker 6: like flashes of that. And it's like, all of a
• 48:54
  Speaker 6: sudden it's like, I thinking that's all I can remember
• 48:56
  Speaker 6: about him. And that's not what I want to remember.
• 48:59
  Speaker 6: So like, I do like that idea of, you know,
• 49:02
  Speaker 6: digging deep and writing all the good, positive, silly things
• 49:06
  Speaker 6: about him that I miss.
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: And I would even challenge you as well when you
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: do have one of those like traumatic, very recent things
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: pop into your mind to not reframe, but to take
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: a different step and say like, okay, right now I'm
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: going to think and focus on something that was wonderful
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: from our past. So it trains your brain that when
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: that comes up, you actually give yourself a reward of
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: something beautiful or like a funny joke he would tell
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: or something fun that you guys would do together. But
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: to Chelsea's point, Suleika Jawad, who we had a few
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: weeks ago, she has the Alchemy Journal. And that basically
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: every chapter is a story and some prompts for your journaling.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: So not all of them will apply to stories with
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: your dad, but a lot of them do. And you
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: can use them as sort of like prompts to be like, oh, yeah,
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: this time we went to such and such or something
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: to do with this that reminds me of my dad.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: So that might help with like specific prompts as you
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: kind of work through. And it'll jog your memory, like
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: Chelsea said, about like things you didn't realize you'd forgotten.
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: I love that.
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: And instead of thinking of it, like just really get
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: into your mind, the visualization of, instead of thinking of
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: it as sadness and darkness and grief, start to move
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: into the territory of like love.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: And energy, like, and healing. And that here's, he's still
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: with you, you know?
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's like every night you can spend a little time,
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: like having a great time with your dad, you know?
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: Because I think that's what I would want.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: Yes. I mean, him being buoyed by you, like you
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: letting that happen, I think sounds like such good advice
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: to me.
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: If you can do it. You can.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: You can do it.
• 50:44
  Speaker 5: I can. Yeah.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm so sorry for your loss.
• 50:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, me too.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: And I know that you're in a lot of pain,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: but you're going to be fine.
• 50:50
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: You'll get through this.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: All right. Thanks, Mae. Will you check in with us
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: in a month or two and let us know how
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: things are going?
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, definitely.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Definitely.
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: Thanks for calling in.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: See you guys. Bye. Bye, honey. Oh, that was so moving.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: So hard. That letter was really moving.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: It's really tough when someone's personality changes end of life.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: I have a couple family members that that happened.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: No, I mean, who wants to go out like that?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: It's so hard. Nobody wants to be remembered like that.
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: No, so hard.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: Or even just, I mean, that's like a double whammy
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: because people get sick and weak and die, you know?
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: And nobody wants to be seen like that either. Like
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: when my mom was dying, she was like, I don't
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: want anyone to see me like this.
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: And we're like, we're not leaving you. She's like, I
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: wish you would. Like, I don't want to be seen
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: this way.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: All right. Well, our next caller is Megan and she
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: has an addiction question. So I thought we have a
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: real stupid one to end on. So don't worry.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: Is it about epoxy?
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: I need something lighter.
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: Uh, well, our question from Megan, she says, dear Chelsea,
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: I'm the oldest in my family of three siblings. I
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: have two younger brothers who grew up very close and
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: remain close today. The middle brother lives a couple hours
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: away from the rest of the family. He seems to
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: always have been the one to take drinking and other
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: substances too far. He's married with a successful career. So
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: it's been unclear whether or not his substance and alcohol
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: abuse is problematic. He does shift work where he works
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: for multiple days straight. And so he's not drinking. This
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: means he often drinks heavily on his days off. Recently,
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: his wife admitted that he drove while intoxicated for a
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: couple of hours. This revelation was obviously very concerning. I
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: feel like we've reached a point of likely needing an intervention.
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: He does not have kids, but he wants to have
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: kids in the near future, making this behavior all the
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: more concerning. While my family's close, we've never dealt with
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: anything like this before, and I'm unsure how to approach
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: this with my parents and other brother. I want to
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: show compassion and concern without feeling accusatory. Should I have
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: a conversation with my other brother, the non-addict? Should I
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: speak to his wife, my sister-in-law, about her thoughts on
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: the situation? I feel like going to my parents together
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: with the two of them with these concerns would be beneficial.
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: Any advice is appreciated. Megan.
• 53:02
  Speaker 5: Hi, Megan.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: Hi.
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: Hi.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: This is our special guest, Kristen Johnston.
• 53:07
  Speaker 5: Hi, Megan.
• 53:07
  Speaker 6: Hi.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you.
• 53:09
  Speaker 5: You too.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Hi. Oh, how old is your brother?
• 53:13
  Speaker 5: Early 30s.
• 53:13
  Speaker 7: We're all in our 30s.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Obviously, this has been going on for
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: a while, right? Yeah.
• 53:20
  Speaker 7: Yeah. It's always been kind of like the known thing that, oh,
• 53:24
  Speaker 7: he's the one with a little bit more of an
• 53:26
  Speaker 7: issue compared.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: To the rest of the family.
• 53:28
  Speaker 5: And it's getting worse, right?
• 53:31
  Speaker 7: It's hard to say if it's getting worse. He is
• 53:34
  Speaker 7: very private. So I only hear about things like from
• 53:38
  Speaker 7: his wife. And If we're at a family event or something, obviously,
• 53:43
  Speaker 7: I'll see him drinking excessively sometimes. But it's hard to
• 53:48
  Speaker 7: say whether or not it's getting worse. He goes through, like,
• 53:50
  Speaker 7: ups and downs.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: And has he ever had any counseling or therapy?
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: No. No.
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: And he's had no, like, negative impacts on his life
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: from using?
• 54:01
  Speaker 5: I mean... or drinking.
• 54:03
  Speaker 7: That's the hard thing. He did have like a DUI
• 54:06
  Speaker 7: when he was younger, but that's it. He hasn't really
• 54:10
  Speaker 7: had many other negative effects, I would say.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: And that's what's.
• 54:13
  Speaker 7: Tricky about it is because of the work he does.
• 54:16
  Speaker 7: He goes like days at work without drinking, obviously. But
• 54:21
  Speaker 7: then on the off days, it's like, oh, well, I
• 54:24
  Speaker 7: have to make up for the time that I haven't been.
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: So he's He's a highly functioning addict, it sounds like.
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: I'm super high functioning, which is the worst kind, honestly.
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: It is because you can keep your addiction hidden so
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: much longer.
• 54:40
  Speaker 5: Than if you're just a hot mess.
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: Well, and they say like when you're having consequences, right?
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: That's when you know it's quote unquote an addiction. But
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: I would argue, even though he hasn't gotten into an
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: accident or anything like that, driving for a couple of
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: hours drunk and his wife being upset about it is
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: a consequence.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
• 54:58
  Speaker 7: And that's what I fear is like, I don't want
• 55:00
  Speaker 7: it to come to a serious consequence.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Absolutely.
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: I get it.
• 55:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: Kristen, where do you think the conversation starts? Is it
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: with the rest of the family?
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: It's just very difficult when there haven't been, and by
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: negative consequences, I mean losing a job, losing a wife,
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: and you want to nail it before it becomes that.
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: So I understand that.
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: And I certainly am not an expert in addiction, although
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: I have my own personal history with it. But I
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: would say definitely talking to others in the family very quietly,
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: kind of trying to get an assessment is, is it
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: me alone?
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: Like, am I the only one worried here? Or how
• 55:42
  Speaker 5: can we fix this? And getting kind of a team together.
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: To see where all of you feel so that you're
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: a team about it and not alone with it.
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:52
  Speaker 7: Since I wrote in, it's been a while since I
• 55:54
  Speaker 7: wrote in, I did kind of breach the subject with
• 55:57
  Speaker 7: our other brother. And he seems to be totally in
• 56:01
  Speaker 7: denial about it.
• 56:01
  Speaker 6: Oh, wow.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 56:04
  Speaker 7: I think it's just they are particularly close. So it's
• 56:07
  Speaker 7: really hard when, you know, like you're. you're so close
• 56:11
  Speaker 7: to someone to really see things for how they are.
• 56:13
  Speaker 7: And I'm a little bit more on the outside.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 56:16
  Speaker 7: So I think that's why I notice it more.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: What about his wife? Does his wife, is his wife concerned?
• 56:24
  Speaker 5: Uh, it's hard to say.
• 56:25
  Speaker 7: She also drinks pretty heavily. Unfortunately, I think probably as
• 56:30
  Speaker 7: a result of him, like they just do it together.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: It's an activity.
• 56:33
  Speaker 5: They're enabling each other.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 56:36
  Speaker 7: So she has brought up concerns for sure, but like
• 56:40
  Speaker 7: whether or not I haven't ever like said the word
• 56:43
  Speaker 7: addict to her or like, Oh, I think this is
• 56:46
  Speaker 7: a problem specifically.
• 56:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 56:48
  Speaker 7: But she has voiced some concerns.
• 56:51
  Speaker 4: And are you worried that there'll be no going back
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: if you broach it with him or your parents or anybody?
• 56:56
  Speaker 4: That's a hard thing to talk about.
• 56:59
  Speaker 7: I'm worried about being the one to break the ice
• 57:04
  Speaker 7: because I already feel like I'm a little bit of
• 57:08
  Speaker 7: the outsider of the family and I don't want to
• 57:10
  Speaker 7: be the one to disrupt the peace. And I know
• 57:14
  Speaker 7: with addiction, it's just like, if they're not ready to
• 57:16
  Speaker 7: face it, they're not going to.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: Is it okay if I connect her with my friend
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: Joe Schrank? My friend, he's an addiction specialist.
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: He's brilliant.
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: He's certainly helped me. But his big thing is doing interventions.
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: So at least he's somebody who could talk to you
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: about with a lot of actual knowledge as to what
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: your options are.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. That'd be amazing.
• 57:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: Cause it sounds like you're not, not everyone in your
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: family is on the same page.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: So that's, that's a problem with an intervention. Like your
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: sister-in-law sounds like she's partying too. Your brother seems like
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: he's in denial.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: The other brother.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: And then your parents, like where do they, it feels
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: like you don't really have like a coalition formed to
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: have an intervention. So it feels like you might want to,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: it might just require a conversation between you and him.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: Like, Hey, I'm a little concerned about your drinking.
• 58:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: And rather than a full scale intervention, just to put
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: that noise in his ear so that he's a little
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: bit more self-conscious about it until your family does want
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: to like have a come to Jesus kind of situation.
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: And unfortunately it's like what you said, like until there
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: are consequences, there aren't consequences, you know, like there's no, yeah.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: They think they're handling it.
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: I just know from my time as an active addict,
• 58:37
  Speaker 4: you will do anything to keep that steady, to keep
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: the ability to abuse these, whether it's alcohol or drugs
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: or whatever, going. So you will, I mean, I would
• 58:48
  Speaker 4: have fought like a tiger. Somebody was like, I'd be like, no,
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: I'm fine. So I just don't want you to end
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: up feeling like this sort of lone wolf.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
• 58:59
  Speaker 5: The lone, sane person. That's what I'm concerned about.
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because then you're ostracized from the family for.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: Doing the thing.
• 59:06
  Speaker 7: I was hoping that, like, another family member, and honestly, like,
• 59:09
  Speaker 7: my mom... I think she, if I really talked to
• 59:12
  Speaker 7: her about it, she would agree with me.
• 59:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 59:15
  Speaker 7: But it's just one of those things again, that's so
• 59:17
  Speaker 7: touchy that it's like, I don't want it to come
• 59:19
  Speaker 7: from me. Like, I think she probably is aware and
• 59:23
  Speaker 7: she just also probably feels similar to me.
• 59:25
  Speaker 5: What can I do?
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: Like, I think sometimes you really need to have that
• 59:30
  Speaker 4: massive negative consequence to really look at your life and stop.
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: But I get why you're wanting it now before there
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: are any really terrible prices to pay.
• 59:40
  Speaker 5: So, yeah. I can hook you up with my friend if.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: You want to talk to him. Yeah, that would be awesome.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: That would be amazing. Thank you for volunteering that.
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: He certainly has a lot of experience with it. Okay.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: And he's a sweetheart. So, yeah.
• 59:52
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
• 59:54
  Speaker 5: Okay, I'll do that.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, wonderful. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, thank you. Okay,
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: good luck with everything. Thank you. That's so hard.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: I know, I know.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 5: It's really, yeah.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: And especially when you're like, when you're not the family
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: member who's present, you know, she's a couple hours away.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're definitely the enemy the minute the first person
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: that brings that up.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 5: Yes, so difficult. Yeah.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: Um, we have a really dumb question to wrap up with.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: Perfect. We need a, we need a less serious question.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 5: This has been a heavy show.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: I know. You come over here thinking this is going
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: to happen. This will be fun.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 5: We put you to work.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: So this is our one drink question for the day.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: Monica says, I've been dating my new guy for about
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: three months and I'm on a bean eating journey thanks
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: to the dense bean salad lady of TikTok and the
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: allure of regulating my hormones. The only problem is that
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: they are, as you suspected, a musical fruit. How do
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: I soft launch farting in front of my new boyfriend?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: Oh, wow.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Soft launch. I love that your commitment is to the beans.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: Is there such a thing as soft launching? I mean,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: This is where I am with farting. I'm wrapped on
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: farting in front of people. I don't think it's appropriate anymore.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: I used to be like, it doesn't matter.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: Who cares? You can fart in front of people.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Obviously, if things slip out, they slip out. But I
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: think we need to have a little bit more respect.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: For each other. I mean, it's not the hottest thing.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: It's not sexy. It's not. It's not the hottest thing.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: But I really think we need to relaunch etiquette. That's
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: not a good thing to be starting to think about.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: But it's also so awkward if all you're doing while
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: you're watching a movie with him or whatever is like.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: Maybe lay off.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: The fucking beans then. I mean, don't you think?
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: Lay off the beans, lady. Like, you're giving the beans
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: away for the... What's more important?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, isn't there something else you can eat besides
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: le jus?
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: I do have to tell you, when Brad, this guy
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: out here, when Brad and I first started dating, the
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: first year that we were together, he would get up
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: in the middle of the night. He would go in
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: his bathroom, which shared a wall with the bedroom, and
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: fart the loudest farts ever.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 5: That's kind of romantic.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: But they were in the next room. That was considerate.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: That was considerate.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 5: Now he doesn't worry about it anymore.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: It's hard to hold in a fart.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: That is true.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: It hurts your tummy.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 5: It also, I think, is bad for you.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but so are that amount of beans.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 5: I miss this whole TikTok salad.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: But we shouldn't be farting all day. That's because you're
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: not on social media. So thank God. Otherwise, you'd be
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: farting too.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 5: I would edit the beans a little bit. Yeah. Maybe
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 5: bring it back.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 5: Why are you eating it every day?
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: These TikTok ladies, they're saying like two cups of beans
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 3: a day.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: For what? For what?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: But bring it in your hormones. It's supposed to help
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 3: with perimenopause.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, so there's a health risk, allegedly. I know, but
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: you know what? Next week, they're going to tell you
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: toothpaste works for that. That's true.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 5: That's true. Bone broth.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I would say lay off the beans.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: And then maybe once you guys get into a more
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: secure situation, then you could be like, by the way,
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: I'm going to need to up it to two cups
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: of beans a day.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: And this is going to be... This is the result
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: of what it's going to be.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 5: What are your positions on farting? Yeah, I like that.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: Do you like it? Yeah, do you love it?
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, like, is it a huge turnoff or
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 4: does it bother you at all or do you just
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: think it's funny?
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 7: Right, right, right.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know. That's a good way to ask, actually. Kristen,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: you're a real tall drink of water.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 5: And so are you, Chelsea Handler.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: I love having you here.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 5: I'll come on any time.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: I can come on once a week. Thank you.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: If you love giving advice so much, we'll have you
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: back as a regular.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: Make sure you watch Leanne, you guys. It's on Netflix.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: Season two is on. And yes, you were a wonderful guest.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: It was such a pleasure to sit down with you.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: I've had so much fun. I really have.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 3: If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia. Follow
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: on TikTok at FlashCadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com.