Latest / Voices for Voices® / I Faced My Fears & Got The Medical Test I’ve Avoided For Years | Episode 186

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I Faced My Fears & Got The Medical Test I’ve Avoided For Years | Episode 186 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I am your host, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, justin Allen Hayes.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: As you can see, we are bringing the content to you as we always have and always will.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: The subject of this episode is a feeling that I think we all feel at any given time, some more than others, some on the same things and some on separate things.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: So let's get right into this.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: If you could do this, please give us a big thumbs up like share, comment past this content in our TV show and podcast for over 185 episodes for a total, and we don't plan on stopping anytime soon.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: So if you could do that again, that doesn't cost any money, we would greatly appreciate that.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: We would greatly appreciate that.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: And so that feeling that I alluded to at the beginning is, I guess, a little bit of two feelings One is a little bit of helplessness and the other, the other, may be afraid, fearful, and we've talked about some of these feelings on prior episodes.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: For these particular feelings, or is the event that is going to happen tomorrow, so this episode will air after tomorrow's event, because we do film ahead, even when we do film remotely, sometimes we're able to air the episode sooner than some of the content is, and sometimes or not, and this is one of those instances where we're not going to be able to air this particular episode before what would the event I'm gonna describe?
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: So the event I'm gonna describe is an event that the last time it happened was in 2017, in November, and you guessed it.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: That was a time when I was at one of the psych ward wings of the hospital, where I was, you know, my mental health was really taken hold of, not only by the team, the staff, therapists, the prescribers, security, everybody but also myself to take whatever was happening very seriously, to the point that I voluntarily admitted myself into the hospital.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: But the event that I'm gonna be speaking about involves a particular event within that that time frame that I was in in the hospital, and that was the drawing of blood, and so that that's what it's about the drawing of blood, not physically drawing with a pen and paper or with a pencil or with a paintbrush and paint crayons, but where somebody with that experience comes, they use a needle and they draw blood and then they test it for a myriad of things, and so that's what's going to happen tomorrow, and that's the first time that it will have occurred since November 2017.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Why is this event so makes me so afraid, fearful, helpless?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Because way back when, when I was in high school, the students were asked they were doing a blood drive, and so I wanted to help out in any way I could, and so I signed up.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I picked my time, I showed up, so I signed up, I picked my time, I showed up, and as soon as I didn't look at my arm and as I were getting started, my eyes closed.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: But I started to get this lightheaded feeling, and again I wasn't looking at what was happening, my body just had this very quick reaction to what was happening, and so they had not only lead me back, but they had, you know, put my feet up higher than my head, and that was.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: It was terrifying, because when we're in school, even when we're not in school, but when we're in school and growing up we're afraid, we want to approve, we want others to approve of us, and then I looked at it as a sign of weakness, because I had to have all these extra steps occur when I was giving blood, and so that was a little bit different in the quantity, so there was much more blood that was being drawn that day than tomorrow.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Nonetheless, his blood, my body had a reaction and the helplessness was I couldn't do anything in that moment.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: There were professionals there and they managed me and the situation, which was good, which was good, and I would recommend that as much as possible if you're able to be around professionals in whatever field that you're going to.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So if you're going to look at your car to get fixed, go to a mechanic.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: If you're looking for legal advice, go to an attorney, etc.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, not trying to hurt me, but I know my body gives a feeling to me that doesn't feel good.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: It feels like I'm lightheaded, like I'm going to pass out, and nobody likes to feel like that.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: At least I don't think so.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And so that time where not in high school, but in the future where they were going to draw some blood, that's just a term that I've heard.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: So that's why I say draw blood and as the doctor or the nurse I'm not sure of the proper name of the individuals that do that, that draw the blood but it was like a big, muscular guy and at the time I had some tattoos and I have several tattoos now, but at that time I I didn't have quite as many as I have now and I haven't had any addition, additional tattoos in many years.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: And so I mentioned to the gentleman look, I'm, you know I'm gonna probably need to, you know, sit back or lay down like is there a?
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Is there another room?
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: You know we can go, because if you've ever had blood drawn, you may know that sometimes, if not always, you're kind of in a community room where there's many, many chairs, several chairs, and there could be somebody to the right and to the left and maybe to the front that they're getting their blood drawn as well and they have different professionals working with them.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Well, I told the gentleman that and he goes oh, you know, you have, you have these tattoos and you know, I don't know why you're so afraid of and he used the word afraid, so maybe that's where it's carried on to today, to the present time.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: He's like oh, you'll be fine.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I said, no, I'm just letting you know, please.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: This doesn't make me feel masculine to be saying this, but I really do need a little bit of extra care and he said, no, you'll be fine.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: And he didn't listen.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Well, got to the point where he got started the, the dizziness feeling came over me, the lightheaded feeling came over me and I say passed out, for lack of better terminology for a few seconds, pulled out the I think it's the ammonia.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I was smelling salts to kind of bring me back.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And when I came to it how I knew that things were like I had mentioned that it was probably not a good idea, but wasn't laying down.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I had a white t-shirt Right now I have a black t-shirt on and the white t-shirt had blood on the sleeve and it was a short sleeve t-shirt like this one, just that t-shirt had blood on the sleeve.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: It was a short sleeve t-shirt like like this one, just that t-shirt was white, this one's black.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: So the white t-shirt had blood scattered around around it and luckily he was able to get the amount of blood that he needed for the test, the amount of blood that he needed for the test.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And once that was done, they took me into that other room, you know, where I kind of like more of a private setting where I could have laid down and went through the process a little bit.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: At least to me I was a little more comfortable, still feel helpless, afraid, gave me a little bottle of orange juice that bring the sugar up and it's funny in a way.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: So before I left, the gentleman said oh, next time you go for a blood draw, let them know that.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: You know if you can lay down, kind of like, what I was asking to do, and I was kind of like, okay, so I was trying to relay and maybe I wasn't communicating the best way.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I thought I communicated the right way.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: However, that was how that experience ended.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Fast forward a couple more years, in 2017, and I was getting blood drawn because I was spending quite a bit of time in the emergency rooms and then so one of the things that they would do is they would draw blood and run whatever tests, whatever levels that they do, and when I was in emergency room, I was laying down, so now I was in a bed, so that part was was good, so I guess I got a little bit better at that.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: And then, once I was admitted, they drew blood because my anxiety, again I was hitting right.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I had hit rock bottom.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: My anxiety and all the things that were going on in my head.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, oh, my gosh, my potassium is low, my potassium level and so a couple times throughout the day they would draw blood to check potassium and I think at one time I I said something about vitamin d, but anyways, I was all over the place and tis why I was a big reason why I was where I was.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: So when I was admitted to the hospital and they would come, professionals would come and draw the blood.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: They would listen and we'd go to the room where I was because that was the closest place and the best that I could, the best that I could, not just when the blood was being drawn, but, you know, a couple minutes after to not stand too quickly so I wouldn't fall down those types of things.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: So the blood draw there when I was in the psych ward, those went relatively well, I mean as well as they could and again, that was in November of 2017, and we're currently in late February of 2015.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And I have had zero blood draws since since that.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: So the event tomorrow is I am going to have blood drawn, have that, have an eight-hour period of fasting, which, luckily, with me and my not say sleep methods or liking to sleep, it's a little bit easier now because prior I had to, I had to fast prior to that psych ward stay and, and so there was an added level of anxiety.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: You know I'm gonna wake up and then I'm gonna go, and you know that's gonna throw me off kilter, whereas now, since I have the team thecriber, being able to talk through the medications, talk through my experiences, what I'm going through, the medications that I'm still taking, I basically made a deal with myself and said internally if medication is going to be something that's going to help me and again, I can't speak for anybody other than myself so whether it's good, bad, indifferent, I'm only speaking for myself.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Psychologically, I'm much better, but I still have days that are not great, and maybe that's part of putting this particular episode together when I am, and so the blood draw tomorrow is to check different things.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Again, I don't know all the things.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: One of the big things I do know again, I don't know all of them there's one that I do know, given the one medication that I take, and that is how it may or may not affect cholesterol, and I've gained a decent amount of weight, obviously since 2017, when I was down, you know, 30 40 pounds, but even over and above that, you know, there's been times where I've had sugar cravings out the wazoo, you know, eating several pieces of pizza or getting a large sandwich at Rockne's versus a small, and all these things.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: We all, I think, go through at one point or another.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe, maybe not, I may be assuming, and that's sorry if I'm assuming and you have not gone through that.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: And so there's really the two parts for tomorrow.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Parts for tomorrow.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: One is I want to make sure that when they are drawing the blood that I'm laying down, that I'm as comfortable as one can be while they are drawing the blood and then get through it, get to the end, get to that the alcohol, and then they get whatever they do to find a vein and all these things.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: That's the part that I'm fearful, afraid, feel helpless, because at that point there's nothing I can do.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can say I'm out of here.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: A round needle is probably not the best thing to do, so that probably won't be happening tomorrow, I can almost guarantee that.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: And then the second part is then the test results.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: So where do the numbers come in?
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Where on the continuum, in the middle, at the high level, above, high, low, and so that's kind of that post blood draw, that I am, you know, kind of I'm helpless at that point because the bloods already been drawn, the testing is already gonna be in process.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: That when I do have my next appointment, which is next Friday, so a week from tomorrow that's when I'll find out, kind of, where things are at, and and so I'm a little bit scared to find out that.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And some of that has to do with, you know, my, my father.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: He passed away March 1st of 2024.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Next Friday is February 28th of 2025 and next Saturday, week from this Saturday.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: So this Saturday will already have been passed by the time this episode airs.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: So the next Saturday, march 1st, will be a year anniversary since my dad passed away and up until that point when he did pass.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: And I have all kinds of emotions just around that, or just around that.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I think I speak for a lot of people that I was in a lot of hospital rooms, infusion rooms, where my dad had, as he was going through his treatment and he's still the strongest person I've ever met to go through everything he went through all the blood draws, all the infusions, all the shots, everything.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I mean I think we're all selfish when we think of our own families, but he truly is and he still is.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's in heaven, but he's still the strongest person that I've ever known.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: And so when he first found out that something was, something was going on in his body, he had gone through, I think, the emergency room and there were some my memory is very, very foggy about what, what test, because I wasn't there.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: My dad was there with my mom.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I saw my sister and I weren't, weren't there, and so they did test.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I'm imagining with a high degree of certainty that there was a blood drawn and somehow the doctors, the technicians, they were able to come to some conclusion that my dad was very sick, sick and that there was a high percent chance that he had cancer.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: And so part of me with the blood draw tomorrow, I guess, kind of the third, third part, kind of the the blood draw, the results kind of goes with the results is I know that I haven't done the best job at exercising, diet, wise eating, eating healthy, healthier.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: On top of that, I I'm just.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: I'm fearful, afraid and feel hopeless that I might get some news like that.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And you can have your opinions, we're all allowed to have opinions.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: My dad is in his 70s, I'm in my 40s Barely 30 years is kind of apart when he passed the where I'm at and seeing where my grandparents, my grandpapas on both sides my mom and dad's side how they lived into their 70s, and I'm already at 43.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: And so 30 years might sound like a lot, but in the grand scheme, it's not.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: We know we're not going to live forever.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: We know we're not perfect.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: We know we're not going to live forever.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: We know we're not perfect.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: We know at some point that God's going to take us from earth one way or another.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: We hope that we're able to go to heaven and reconnect with those we love, and even those if we might not have known.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: And so there's a little bit of that foreshadowing with tomorrow's blood draw, which is a little bit different than in 2017, because 2017 was I wasn't eating very much.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: So I had a good idea that my levels, whatever they were the potassium, magnesium, a1c that they probably weren't too high because I hadn't been eating very much and I was under the care of the doctors and they had done a, a PET scan of my stomach and among other tests that they that they did because I was feeling oh, this hurts or that hurts, or I'm feeling this, or I'm feeling that.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: And so now I'm 43, six-plus years after that, with it being one year of his passing on March 1st, I have all those extra emotions inside, outside of me, and so that's how what may be viewed as a simple blood draw has and is making me feel afraid, helpless, fearful, but I know that I'm going to be okay going through the blood draw process.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know how, I know I am.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I have to have that faith.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: I have to have that faith.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: So until next time.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: This is another episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.