Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 63 | Stop Running: How Founder Dads Can Close Unfinished Loops to Boost Mental Fitness
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset episode 63 with me Sean Tucker as your host. How long does it take for you to close a loop? Now, what do I mean by that? I mean, there are so many things you have on your list right now or in your mind that have remained unfinished. How many unfinished things do you have that are just sitting there waiting for your closure? So a few years ago I remember meeting with a lovely lady, Spanish lady from Sydney. Her name is Charlotte and I remember meeting her through networking and she invited me out because she was visiting Melbourne one time. She invited me to an ice cream place to literally connect you know what better place to connect with someone than an ice cream parlor. I loved it it was fantastic and she actually ended up coaching me in a one-off session in this ice cream parlor that was never the intention but this was probably about three years ago and I remember sitting there with her as I was eating this ice cream she was also having ice cream One of her friends came along as well, an elderly man, and it was just so lovely, like being in that space. anyway, ⁓ we were sitting there and she asked me, what projects do you still have that remain unfinished in your mind? And I looked at her, dead straight in the eyes and I said, Hmm. Yeah, you got me. Because if I was being fully transparent and true to myself, there was a conversation that I hadn't had yet with my partner about what it is that was really going on with me. And it honestly shifted everything. Because you know how we have those conversations or those things that we actively avoid because they're uncomfortable. because there's parts of us that become vulnerable. And I've shared this many times before, but even that conversation that I was having with my mom when my girlfriend, who's now my wife, was on the other side of the door and I was weighing up in my mind what I wanted. Did I wanna have the girl or did I wanna follow my dreams and what she helped me realize and what my mom helped me realize? is that I could have both if I was willing to be vulnerable and to be seen and to be held in that vulnerability. And that took a lot of courage. It took a lot of courage and I broke down in my girlfriend's arms at that time. The reason why I share this with you is because it happened almost the same way with this lovely lady named Charlotte at the ice cream parlor. Because I know in my mind there was still something that was yet to be said, that was yet to be communicated to my wife. and the fact that I wasn't communicating it with her. Part of me was afraid again, right? And the thing in this space of coaching and healing and becoming a better version of yourself, the journey never stops. The journey is continuing to become that best version of yourself. And even though I shared lots of vulnerabilities and was really uncomfortable in that growth of becoming, or eventually marrying that girl, ⁓ You know, I was at a point where my pathway that I was going down in my entrepreneurial journey, being, let's say a health and wellness person, business owner, and really helping solve people's problems at a higher level outside of being a ⁓ generic gym trainer. I realized that the pathway that I was going on, I was trying to be someone that honestly I hated. Someone that I hated. And if you're becoming someone that you hate, what are the ripple effects that that's going to have on your partner, on your children, on the people you love the most? The impact that it was having on me is I was not even having the courage to really get out of bed with feeling like I was excited to work on what it was I was building. I was probably borderline depressed. And you might even say that I was depressed. Because there was feelings in me that I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to feel those wounds of being vulnerable, of being the man who doesn't have his shit together. And I didn't want to show that to my wife because we had a baby on the way. We had a baby on the way and... You know, being a father has been the greatest gift I have received. Becoming a fantastic dad to my beautiful two year old has been the greatest gift because it's allowed me to really understand what my purpose is. And it's not to say I've got my purpose all figured out. No, but she actually helps me connect to feeling more alive and being more excited to be alive. My whole relationship with life has changed because I became a dad. and decided to stop running. It's funny because when I say that out loud... If I go back 16 years ago when I first had my health scare, the very first thing I did to try and get my life sorted, I started running. And what I'm saying now is that I've stopped running. I stopped running from... the feelings that I didn't want to I stopped running from the... The man who was afraid to be seen, was afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to... to really open up the wounds and be okay with being emotional. Because what it takes to be a man is so much more than what these hyper-masculine influences are saying. It's not about not crying. In fact, for me it's more about crying has a lot of power. When you cry, it releases something in you. And you you can cry with ecstasy and you can cry with great bereavement and grief. It looks the same, the physiology looks the same, Tears are coming out of the eyes. One is with immense suffering, the other one is in great pleasure. And so if you're avoiding the pain and the suffering of the grief of still being stuck in that old version of yourself, which I was, I felt like I needed to prove all the people that doubted me in the world, all those people who said, you're not good enough. If you want to become successful, you need to work like a dog. I wanted to show all those people that you could do it by being yourself. But the problem was, I thought being myself was being someone that I wasn't. And I was becoming the person that I hated. And I'm sharing that because I know someone who's listening right now is living a life that they don't like living. They're becoming someone that they hate. So if that is you, I want you to be at my retreat. The unforgettable reset retreat next month. It's happening in Melbourne. it'll likely be in the Yarra ranges or it will be down in the peninsula. Either way, it is gonna be a fantastic ⁓ experience. because you will learn to become more alive and more yourself so that these next decades of your life are gonna be the best ones lived yet. So if you're still listening and you're like, ah, that sounds really good. Well, let's start the conversation and let's see if it's right for you. Cause I only have 10 spots. I take that back. There are only nine men we have a availability for only nine more spaces out of 14. So if you want to get in, you got to make sure you get in quick and make sure you apply. And I'll put the link. It is simply shauntucker.com.au/retreat and you can apply to actually come to the retreat. I've so much looking forward to it and really, yeah, I'd love to see ⁓ if your goes through. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones. Anyway, if you've received value from today's episode, I invite you to just share it to one person. And if you think someone in your circle might get a lot of value out of coming to the retreat as well. The unforgettable reset. Well, refer them to this podcast. Get them to listen to this exact podcast. Thanks for tuning in and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.