Latest / The Mami Collective / How to Keep Going When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned with Angel Zaper
Transcript
- Angel Zaper EP: Did you know eggs and sperm are especially vulnerable to aging? Onto Health is a physician-led fertility and women's health practice founded by internationally recognized fertility specialist Dr. Ruhi Jilani. From planning ahead to growing your family or navigating treatment, Ontu combines fertility, longevity, and whole body health to provide proactive, personalized care on your timeline. Appointments are available virtually or at Ontu Clinics in Chicago and Denver. Mommy Collective listeners can continue their fertility journey at ontu.help. Welcome to the Mommy Collective. I'm Paulina Rowe, radio host, TV contributor, writer, and mom of one. This is where ambitious moms come to keep their identity intact while navigating motherhood. Here we talk about the real stuff: career, money, relationships, identity, and everything. Everything that gets messy in between. You won't find sugarcoating or cliches. What you will find are unfiltered conversations, real resources, and proof that you don't have to lose yourself to be a good mom. The mommy collective is here to remind you you can be ambitious, you can take up space, and you can thrive in motherhood and in everything else that makes you you. Before we get into the episode, make sure you're following the mommy collective on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. And share this podcast with a mommy in your life who needs a little inspiration or just a reminder that she's killing it. Also don't forget to sign up for our newsletter and leave us a review so we can keep showing up and reach every ambitious mom out there doing big things. Let's get into it. Hey it's Paulina another episode of the Mommy Collective podcast. We are so back and today on the pod I am so excited to welcome Angel Zaper. How are you? Good. How are you? So happy to be here. I'm so happy that you're here. We just got off fresh off the bombing collective summit. You are one of our amazing speakers. I'm so excited to really dive into you and your story today. you've been to our mommy collective dinners as well, so I feel like I kinda got to know you more there. And I mean you got a story. You have a story and I'm very into spirituality, right, Faith. So a lot of the things that you say that you post that you share with the world, I really appreciate because sometimes I'm like I'm just looking for a little hope here and there and you're one of the people that I go to. I don't th I never told you that, but you are. I love that. Yeah, absolutely. I love it. So Angel, if you don't mind, will you give us a little bit of a background about yourself and who you are, what you do. Yeah, so my childhood was pretty rough, but e even with how hard That situation was like my mom always instilled in me, going to church, giving back to our communities and stuff like that. But then I had become I kinda took a different route and became like a troubled teen and I had to experience life in a very different, a really rough environment. I was hospitalized by my first boyfriend at the age of sixteen and I was already struggling with anger. So once that happened to me, I felt like that just made me this very angry person and I was just really tapped into just making poor decisions when it came to stuff like that. So as I've gotten older and especially becoming a mom and just making I just knew like I wanted something different for my life and I had to make different decisions. So when I had to pull myself out of like the struggles of the anger, just the type of environment I was, like my my brother was a a gang member, you know, like our house was shot at. My house was I knew about selling drugs at the age of fourteen. Like I was arrested many, many times and I'm like, I need to do something different. And I knew once I became a mom, even my anger needed to be in check, you know. So yeah, so I did my thing in my twenties. I moved to Florida. I moved back. I came back and worked in T V for, you know, Oprah, Steve Harvey. And that was like a big like wow, because it was like to go from where I've been to like excel in my career at that path. That was amazing for me. And then that career ended for me. But it was like I'm thankful it ended because then I became a mom during the process. And a career has never been more important than time with my children. And I think that's, you know, a dividing factor of a lot of moms like trying to figure out that struggle. But I grew up with a single mom that always worked and my son's father was not involved and I'm like I have to be at everything. I wanna be the one that takes him to school, the one that picks him up and yeah, and then I got into real estate. So I've been doing that for eight years. I was in another relationship with my daughter's father. I thought I was going to marry him. That didn't happen. I became a single mom again. But this time my daughter's about to be seven. She's nonverbal, autistic. And that was a whole nother journey. that was the the hardest that's the hardest part of my life navigating that. But it was like right after my ex moved moved out, I was prepping for my sixth bodybuilding show at the time and that's when I found out I have a brain tumor. So Wow. Yeah, I was literally getting ready for my show and they said we have to do brain surgery. So three years ago, January I went I was under for fourteen hours they were working on me. And they were not able to get the full tumor, so we were just like hopeful that it wasn't going to grow. And then actually last year, October, I was prepping for my final bodybuilding competition and I found out the tumor was growing. So then just this January we found out it grew some more. So I just went through radiation at the end of March. So but I just got my MRI results back last week. The doctor like really thinks the radiation is killing the tumor. So great. Good. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a lot. You know, it's a lot to try to like unpack in forty five minutes or that or whatever amount that we have. But yeah, and then I've always had a relationship with God, but I really had to like learn what it meant to surrender, what it meant to have a real relationship with him, not just like I send my prayers and hope you're gonna fix me. But like really dive into like what that looks like. And the more I've like Have tapped into my relationship with him and surrender some things that were huge for me. You know, alcohol was something that I needed to let go of, and it's I stopped drinking in February. But it was like watching the way my life was moving after that and the clarity that I was getting. I'm like, okay, I'm learning how to to listen and also be proactive in like what I need to do here, you know? So Yeah, and I'm a youth group leader on Wednesday nights. I'm at my church three days a week. Any way I can talk about an opportunity to talk about God or Jesus, I bring it up like I did on the panel. I know. Yeah. And that was so beautiful because you know, some people are intimidated to talk about God and Jesus in in rooms of people and when I got off the stage, I couldn't even walk out the room. I had so many women who were like, Thank you. For being brave enough to talk about that. And people who were like, I just recently got baptized, and people could connect with me, and it was such a beautiful moment. Mike, I didn't know that. That is so beautiful. That that's incredible. That's what it's all about. I love the connection. So there are a lot of layers to you, and I wanna unpack so many. Mom of two, you know, first and foremost. And I'm really curious too like the the moment that you did discover, if you don't mind sharing with us. the tumor, right? How did that happen? How did we realize that you had it, right? And if you were to share with us what were your first thoughts? Because that has to be frightening. That has to be so difficult. Absolutely. So I woke up one day and I felt very lightheaded and I was experiencing vertigo and I've never experienced that in my life. But I was like, wow, this is this is and then I I couldn't really hear out of my right ear. So I was like I was losing like a little bit of hearing and I was like I've always had ringing happening in my ears and when I went to an ENT about ten years ago for the ringing, they kinda just said like it's something I have to deal with and set me on my way. Yeah, so when I woke up that day and I was just like, you know, why do I feel like this? Maybe I need to eat food or something and I'll go about my day and I remember I drove pretty far away to a closing that I had and when I got there I felt that vertical really bad and I was starting to feel like not okay. And I remember I Text my mom, was like, just watch my location, I need to get home 'cause I need to get the kids off the bus, So so I was like, just watch my location and make sure I make it there and I ended up going to a bunch of doctors and not until I was sent to an E and T that they sent me for an And I mean they first tried they were trying everything. Like they thought I just had water in my ear. They thought maybe, you know, but then when they finally sent me for an R I that's when I met with the doctor and found out, actually like three years ago. last week was when I found out about my tumor. And the first thing he says is like, Well you have a brain tumor. And I remember I went to that appointment by myself thinking I just have water in my ear. You know, like it's not nothing nothing's gonna come back from this that but yeah, he's like, you know, he's like you have a tumor and I'm like, What? And then he's like, It's not cancerous and I was like, Okay okay, you could have led with that. But he's like, you know, it is starting it's growing to the point where you need to either consider radiation or getting it removed and yeah, there was a there was a lot of fear that went into that. I remember this was around October and we were planning brain surgery for January eleventh. And I said I just want to get through the holidays with my kids. And the day before brain surgery, like I remember hugging Marlena, dropping her off and I cried in my car. And then I went and I took my son bowling 'cause I was like, if this is gonna be his last memory with me I want it to be fun. So it was like there were some and that's w that's where it gets tricky because it's like I trust people are like, Well, you have so much faith, how could you even be scared that you might die? And I'm like, Because I know if that's in God's will, that's what's going to happen. Life happens to us, right? So yeah, and then we were hopeful that that surgery was gonna do the job. 'Cause he like, If you get radiation first, you cannot get surgery after. So you have to choose so we did surgery in hopes that it would remove it all and now we're just hoping that radiation does this job. So Absolutely So as somebody who is very vocal about their faith, how does one keep faith in trying or challenging times? Because I feel like everyone can relate to that, whether it's something with themselves, right? Family member, their own child, how do you keep the faith when you don't want to? I think the biggest thing for me is I always advocate being proactive in our faith and also in our healing, right? So for me, I'm like I know just praying every day is not going to pull me out of this feeling right now. I know just talking to God and then talk People think having just this strong relationship is just prayer, but it's like no, there's a lot to read in the word that can guide you literally through these moments, there's journaling that helps release these these thoughts of fear, anxiousness. There's you know, music. People can feel the Holy Spirit just through music and it's just like actually taking the time to open that book let out those emotions instead of doing what a lot of us humans try to do and mask the problems, which I used to do with alcohol. That used to be my way of not feeling all of this that I have going on, you know. So when I've learned to like actually be more proactive and like you have all the answers in the Bible. So many people are just intimidated to open it. So I I've been through a lot, but I my my faith has never wavered. Like I I trust in God's plan for me whether It's going to be how I want it to go or not. So Yeah. Yeah. I think that's exactly what it's supposed to be. I'm working on my faith. I I have it. It's very solid. But I get moments, right? And I hate that, but I'm honest. So I'm gonna start there. I'm gonna start in the Bible. I haven't cracked it open yet, I'm not gonna lie to you. But I yeah, I want to, you know? Yeah. And and when you're ready, Will, and I like learning to give ourselves grace and understanding that we are humans, I have times where I'm like, my god, I haven't even I haven't even prayed for myself or I haven't even done this. It's it's ebbs and flows, but it's you know I can't Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. So speaking of faith, right, how does yours influence the goals that you pursue and even the opportunities that you turn down? One of the things I said was when you asked the question at the summit was if I can go back and change anything, what would I have changed? And I didn't really elaborate on the fact that I said I would have surrendered it all to God because I think like when it becomes flesh like, everything's a transaction. You're not handling things i in a way that you would even we're really quick to anger or we're quick to be impatient or any of that. So it's like like even for me, real estate has been a very fulfilling career for me, even if financially I still find myself struggling. But like the blessing in that is having to not only be flexible to my kids, but I look at like every person I meet, even as a client, I have an opportunity to like connect with them. There's a reason why God put us in each other's paths. But I've also have had some people where when I've worked in certain like price ranges or towns or I had like a couple people who thought they could just talk down to me and just treat me a certain way and I'm like, no, it's okay to fire your clients because I'm not gonna sell my soul to the devil to please this person. So I think if we keep that in the center of everything that we do, it just helps brings us clarity to like, no, is this the right path for me? Am I not being patient enough with this person? You know, like I think keeping him at the center of relationships, careers as mothers, it's so important. bouncing off of that, how do you know when to surrender something versus actually working maybe harder for it? Well, that's a good one. That's a good one. I was trying to hold on to a a relationship for four years and I kept I knew God wanted me to surrender that and walk away from that. But I kept trying to make excuses or try to like hold on to that little bit of hope that this is what it is. But it's like you feel it in your spirit. if something just doesn't if your nervous system feels off about any decision, like you need to sit down and have that conversation with God. And the more you allow yourself to listen, 'cause I used to never listen. I used to just talk to him and think, Go ahead, send that blessing down here, you know, but just yeah you start to feel it in your spirit. If something like Kinda like mother's intuition or the way we just have it. That's how the Holy Spirit works where you just know something is not sitting well with you anymore. We're forcing it to feel good, then that's when I think it's time to let it go. No, absolutely. And I kinda wanna pivot into your motherhood journey as well. Obviously, because you mentioned, your bodybuilding and everything else. I am curious if motherhood Has changed your relationship with your body, as well as your ambition, your definition of success. I know you mentioned a lot changed when you had your son. You're like, I had to there had to be a change, right? Did that also hit as far as physical, mental, all of that? So for my my son, I didn't experience postpartum like I did with my daughter. And I didn't even understand, I didn't realize this is that, I was like, Yup. This will never happen to me. I'll be fine. I'll be right back at the gym in two days and you're like, whoa, this is different. But yeah, obviously I had some physical changes to my body with, just gaining weight with both pregnancies. I think I w I was always pretty active in them. going to the gym has just always been like my relief to everything. When I experienced postpartum with my daughter, that was the hardest time I had her at the end of twenty nineteen and we hit the pandemic right after it. yeah. So Yeah. So it was outside of the regular life of the emotions of postpartum. It like, my god, the world is shutting down too as I have my baby and now I'm supposed so yeah, I didn't really even understand much about postpartum and then I just knew like I need to get to the gym. Like I know physically I need to just get to the gym because my your physical connects with your mental when you're taking care of your body. So but that's what ended up pulling me out of postpartum. And just had to get back to the feeling as good as I can. That's awesome. I'm proud of you for doing that. Girl, I have not been back to the gym in two and a half years. I have one in my garage, like a little treadmill, but I'm like, I'll get out there. I have yet to, but I will. I promise I will. Yes. We're gonna we're gonna work out and we're gonna open the Bible. Yeah, yes. I love it. See, we're meant to cross paths. I love, love, love it. So I I know you mentioned having your daughter, right? So it's pandemic. Trying times already for everyone. And you are pretty, pretty open and vocal too about your journey with your daughter's autism. So what was that experience like? obviously first time experiencing that. You how old was she when you thought okay, we might have to get evaluated or or we might have to to talk about it? Because I feel like with parents, they'll or you you go to TikTok or whatever. I know I do all the time for anything my kid does, whatever, even when she was born, I'm like, why is her poop this like I was running to the internet. Yeah. So obviously as a mom, and then again pandemic, all these, it's this crazy times happening in twenty twenty. For you, what was that journey like? For me, I was in denial. It took me a l a long time to actually accept like this is a thing. And I made so many I forget what like what level she is. I just know she's autistic. I'm like whatever number they said. But for me I was like, Well, they say autistic kids like don't do XYZ and I'm like, Well she you know, she'll wear any clothes, she eats any food, she has a great bedtime, like literally like the missing piece was speech and the only thing she can say is Mama, so I know she's capable. Like I'm I know you can. So between the ages of I wanna say that there was a really big gap between three and five that I still was struggling with accepting this is what is gonna be. And I remember she was in a daycare and they had to sit me down, they had to tell me like we're not equipped to assist your daughter. All these other kids are coloring and she's trying to eat the Korans or you know, like just it's it's too much. So when we were getting ready, I think like almost before she was even gonna be in kindergarten. We finally went to get her diagnosis to start getting her ABA therapy. But for a long time I'm just like, she's just gonna talk and she's gonna be normal. this is gonna be this. So I wanna say, in the last year and a half is when I finally like fully accepted it. Like it's hard it for years that I even would talk about her, I couldn't do it without breaking down and crying. And I was so I was going through such a hard time accepting it that now I needed to grieve the daughter that I'm not going to have. that is not coming, So it was like it w it was so hard on me that when I got my brain tumor, I couldn't even care about my own health. Like I would be praying every day for her to talk and I remember like right before my surgery, I'm like, I haven't even prayed in three weeks, you know? So it's definitely, you know, one of the the most difficult things I've had to navigate. And it's so hard when it's your baby. It's so hard. So a hundred percent agree. What do you wish that more moms, parents, really anyone, understood better when it came to your daughter? There was one time I just wanna mention that I saw that you posted on Facebook. It was a very much a raw look into a day in your life with your daughter. And I figured I was like, okay, I feel like I might understand what that looks like, but I didn't until I truly saw your video. And I thought about you and I was thinking about that and I was like I was like, this is why every mom needs a village. Like I I get into my brain, I'm like, this is why moms need support. Like hello like I was just going in and in, right? And I am curious though, like what do you wish that like more people understood, right? When it does come to being a mom of an autistic child, daughter I mean I don't think people understand that that video you're able to see, that's every day. there's not one bad day. that's every single day. when she's awake, I'm not sitting down. And I don't think people understand like how hard it is, especially for single moms or moms that are at home while their husbands are working and like trying to like Just the other day my daughter was crying on and off, on and off, and I have to try to figure out are you in pain? Is it your stomach? Are you just mad? Like it's literally a guessing game trying to figure out how to soothe your child that you don't even know what is wrong with her, you know? But I wish people knew how hard it really is and how to show up more for the people that That they know that are going through it, my friend just unknowingly came over one day last week, had no idea what I was dealing with, and just her being here with her kids, that's a distraction for them. So it helps them wanna not go run my water or poop in my tub or pour out the medicine, you know, like they have that distraction. So it's like sometimes if people just knew to just show up, like Just be there, because my daughter is she's such a a cuddle bug and intrigued of anything like if you just come sit on my couch, I can actually go use the bathroom for a second and breathe or and I think I get the text messages and the messages of how strong I am, but it's like a lot of days I am drowning, you know, like it's very, very hard. I mean, just yesterday was a really rough day with her where I'm like, But I yeah, I just wish people knew to show up more instead of trying to give so much advice that they're not even experiencing, and just be there. life is too short. We only have each other and autism has become so common, I don't know why, but everybody definitely needs a little bit more support in this world. I'm such a big advocate for support. you already know. we're never meant to do this alone. So I thought that was really sweet. I saw that you posted about your friend going over too. I was like that that's really sweet. People don't realize things like that just make such a difference. It might be small to them, but big to us, just showing up. So absolutely. I I love that. I kind of wanna dive into your career today, which is in real estate. And I love that because I feel like that really gives you that gives you like an opportunity to like not only connect with people, but like really help them make a very important decision, probably the most expensive one they'll ever make, you know what mean? And I love that you like you guide so many families. And I'm curious that in real estate, right, you meet people obviously making these major life changes, but what has that taught you, right, about starting over? You know, according to like 'cause the way that like you've told your story today. I would definitely consider s you somebody who was never afraid to make that change or start over. So when it comes to real estate, right, what has that kinda taught you when it comes to a new start or starting over? Being in real estate, you get to experience those parents who buy their first home and the or the the child moving out for the first time or the woman who's leaving the bad relationship or the single dad that has to f navigate life now learning. So it's like You watch so many people who take that step to have that courage to be like, I need to it's not a lot of the stories and a lot of the clients that I've got to share a transaction with buying the biggest purchase of their life has everybody c comes with such a story where it's like very rarely is like, I'm just bored, I wanna buy a house, you know. So it's always a reminder for me. I've never been afraid of change. I think sometimes God has to make us so uncomfortable to make that change. But I've always said to people, there's nothing in our lives that we've had that we can never go back to. So if we when I moved to Florida, did I feel like the world was ending? No, I could just come back home. we can always go back, but I think we need to be more brave to take those steps to remove or to make a change. Hundred percent agree. And what would you tell a mom who's listening today, right? 'Cause at our summit the theme was very much centered around the next chapter. So what would you tell a mom listening today who wants a new chapter, but she feels guilty for wanting that or wanting more? Yeah. I think it's important to take care of us. You know, I'm a big advocate in going to the gym to making time for myself. And I we cannot pour into a glass w with ours empty. So it's I'm very big on just making sure we take care of our mentals, our physical. So we can not only still put ourselves first but just take care of ourselves. It's like I go to therapy, I go to the gym, I go to church, I make sure I'm surrounded by people that make me feel good and yeah, I think I definitely would just I encourage everybody to just make sure and I know sometimes those changes are hard too, right? Like we have our fitness goals, but we're like, we don't have time today, but no, you can get up earlier, you just don't want to. So like finding something that might not be an easy thing, but we know is gonna be beneficial for what's gonna make us feel good is important. A hundred percent. I could not agree more. I don't care if it's like knitting, I'm always like do something that makes you feel good for you. I love that. So the year when we're recording this, the year is coming to an end, right? So I'm curious what does the rest of your year look like? And then what kind of goals are you setting for the following for 2027? Yeah, this is the first year that I'm like on my way out of debt from when my relationship ended and I became a open person counselor. Yeah. So I'm focusing video. Yeah, paying off that debt, building my credit so I can start buying properties and just building my career where it's like I have the consistency to where I can build a team and be able to mentor and, you know, push business to agents. I'm always focused on making sure I'm excelling in something. So l I'm doing like high rocks in February, which is like a lot of intense training. So yeah, I'm just I'm focused on taking care of these kids, creating some memories and trying to keep it all together, but making sure I'm doing the right stuff to keep my mind sane. So yeah. I love it. I am so proud of you, Angel. And I appreciate you supporting the mommy collective for supporting us. But I hope that I can do the same for you and be that for you as well. I feel like we've established A nice relationship. I wanna keep it going. And I think you're an incredible mom. I think you're an incredible businesswoman. I just I love your story and I I'm so grateful that you came on the show today. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I love you too. I love you. What is your Instagram handle? Where can we follow you? If anybody wants to work with you as well on their next purchase, where can we do that? Yeah, so it's at Angel Zaper underscore. So it's Angel and then my last name Z A P E R underscore. Can cut for everything there. Yes. Thank you, Angel, for your time today. We appreciate it. Thank you. Love you. Alright. Love you. Bye, love. Thank you. Angel Zaper, the real estate angel, believes your home is more than four walls. It's your safety, your memories, your goals, and the beginning of your next chapter. With a people first approach rooted in relationships and trust, Angel helps clients navigate life's biggest transitions with confidence. Ready to make your next move, whether you're buying, selling, investing, or just planning for the future. Connect with the Real Estate Angel today at realestateangel.com.