Latest / The David's Diary Podcast with Bunmi: Faith & Autism/ADHD / Bullying: You Don't Deserve It

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Bullying: You Don't Deserve It · The David's Diary Podcast with Bunmi: Faith & Autism/ADHD

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Boomi.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to this podcast today.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the writer of the David's Diary series and some other books, and this podcast is just to talk about neurodivergent life.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's it's you or whether you are the parent of a child who is autistic or um ADHD, something like that, or on the spectrum, whatever.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're here to talk about it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a person of faith, you know, I love Jesus, so that's always going to be where I'm coming from.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly, I credit God so much for helping me.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've talked about this before, but there was a time when I had to carry around a card that explained why I just didn't talk sometimes.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: They call it selective mutism, but it's not, I don't know why they call it selective, because you're not really selecting, like you're not deciding because who just wants to not talk?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was more like it would get very hard for me to speak and hard for me to communicate.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it felt like almost like a panic attack, but the type that just makes it hard to talk, if that makes sense.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like talking itself was so incredibly stressful that it would take so much energy for me to do it that I would just reserve it for talking to my kids and and you know, things that I I had to do.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: But inside there was just so much like pain and stress almost.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So like if if I were if I were like eight maybe or ten, I just wouldn't, I would, I would not talk at all, and people would just understand that.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're an adult and you're going through that, it's different.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know that you have to talk and that people expect you to talk.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know your family needs you to talk.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent, especially, you just can't not talk.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but in grocery stores and things like that, it would be so it was so hard to talk that I would have a card that explained it.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was in grocery stores or something like that, um I had a small notebook and paper where I would write things down.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody wants to, I don't know, me personally, I didn't want to live like that.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want that to be my experience.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something anybody does for attention.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the reason I have the card is because actually you get so much negative attention.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: People think you're not talking because you're rude or you're stuck up or you um are just being difficult.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the card just explained that I wasn't being rude and that, you know, um, like kind of it just explained that I that I wasn't wasn't able to speak or was having trouble speaking.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then as long as I had that card, people were nice and that I could just expect um just kind of streamlined interactions, you know, whether I'm paying for something or not.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And one day, I tell this story sometimes, one day I just felt the presence of Jesus in my kitchen where I was standing and I was holding my card.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it was also also very important for me because at that time I was going to the hospital a lot because I was having iron problems and issues with my blood.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a time they thought I had sickle cell anemia, and I actually got diagnosed with that.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it turned out that I just carried the recessive recessive gene or whatever it's called for that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there were still a lot of issues where I would wind up in the hospital, and I was just like not being able to speak, especially then, would be very, very, very problematic.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it helped with that.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then one time after I'd gotten home, I believe from one of the hospital visits, I felt the presence of Jesus specifically uh in my kitchen, and I know his presence because I felt it before.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So loving, so kind, just like if you imagine love personified, I guess it's hard to imagine because um you know how certain things you only know in the absence of it.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like if you've had fake sugar for a very long time, I don't know if you guys like to drink Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi because I like sweet things, and um, it makes me feel like I'm having a very sweet thing without like spiking my blood sugar or any of the effects.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I really, really like it.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but the other day I got I ordered a diet soda, but I think they gave me regular, and I was like, Whoa, this is what it tastes like.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'd forgotten what that tastes like, so it's kind of like that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like Jesus' love is like the full sugar, regular sugar, and all other forms of love seems so secondary.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think the highest love in the world that exists is a mother's love because you know it's like it's so sacrificing, all-encompassing.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: You give your body, you give like, you know, your hair density, like you give everything to motherhood.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then when I felt Jesus' love, I was like, oh, well, this is like a mother's love, but it has none of the fear because a mother's love does have fear, it just does.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're afraid of something happening to them, you're afraid of that you might not be doing as good enough of a job.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's fear in a mother's love.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt his, and it was just such a perfect love.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was a love, it's a love that knows you completely and loves you completely.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a love that it's a it's a love that that has moved with me over time.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's changed.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I've seen him want me to grow and even want me to let go of certain things that that he didn't want to be part of my life.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not a love that just says, like, I just I love you and I'll just stay exactly how you are.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's a love that says, I love you how you are, but I also want better for you.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I also want you to to be more like me.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I also want you to um to be more free, you know?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm standing in my kitchen that day, and I felt Jesus, and I he he communicates without words, and I knew that he wanted me to to cut up that card.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that the one that said, like, I have problems speaking and I'm not being rude.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I was I was not liking that at all.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be honest, I wasn't liking it, and it uh it bothered me because I'm like, I need this card, so what do you mean I should cut up this card?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like he just wanted me to cut it, and so I did, I did, I cut it in half and I threw it away, and I I wasn't very happy at all.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, you know, thinking, Jesus, you don't really understand because you didn't really live in the 2000s, like as a man, you know, and I don't know if you've ever been to a grocery store, even maybe you've been to the market, but not a grocery store because we have fluorescent lights, we have tons of aisles, they're changing the layout every six weeks, it feels like it's a very stressful environment, and I you know I just feel like there was a lot of things that he didn't understand about the situation.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he asked me to do it anyway, and I did, and from that day on, I never ever ever had a problem with nutism again.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to speak, and I've been able to speak since then, and I don't know how he does stuff, I don't know, like I don't know everything about how he does it, but but he does.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I understood something about agreement, and I understood something about faith, um, and I understood something about healing and how with every single person he wants you he to be healed.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know it can be confusing because you're like, well, then how come some people aren't healed?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I don't know all the details, okay?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I I I felt Jesus' presence and you know things like that, but I don't know everything about him, right?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: So um, so I understand sometimes where people are just like, well, I can't believe this because this seems to not uh this seems to contradict this.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: My reality contradicts things that things that I want and that I know about him.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: All I know is that he's he's loving, that he's good, and he wants good things for us.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um but so this this podcast episode will be kind of about that approaching neurodivergence and ADHD autism um with faith.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how he always wanted me to approach all these things is with faith and knowing that he's always helping us and knowing that he's always for us, and in a world, especially where you feel so different, in a world where people really misunderstand you and you misunderstand people and don't understand people.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, God is always for you, Jesus is always for you.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've had a hard time with people in the past.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I tend to be kind of reclusive and not really opening up with people.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I retreat from people a lot.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't understand something, I tend to retreat.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a perfect, perfect person, any stretch of the imagination.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I find social things extremely overwhelming.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's another reason why I wanted to create this podcast for people who maybe you're like me, um, and those things are true.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you have a child who who has a hard time.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can't imagine how it must be for well, I can't actually know of course I can't imagine because I have kids who struggle too.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I I know how it is when you're watching your kid struggle with something.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I think I can't imagine how much be would it be like to have me as a kid and seeing me go through certain things because that would be hard.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I do know the the life of a parent also um watching your kid struggle and and cheering for them and you know IEPs, individual education plans and things like that, and and therapy appointments, all of I know I know that life as well.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I want to organize myself as much as I can with this podcast to to make you feel less alone and and your children to feel less alone.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I did write the David's Diary book series, is because I want children to know that they're not alone, um, especially children who who are let's say you're on the spectrum or you have ADHD diagnosis.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't mention diagnoses in the book by name, certain things are coded, like you see David being impulsive, and you see him not always under understanding the impact of what he's done, or just like having a really bad idea that he thinks is an amazing idea, um, and being super cre super creative and really having just a big heart and wanting the best for his friends.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: But you you see certain struggles that can be ADHD coded, autism-coded.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see his best friend Nate and how his best friend Nate um doesn't like uh tags on clothing and and eats a lot of the same foods and gets nervous when it comes to participating in social things, but you also see him just be really full of wisdom and have some really great advice.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: You see him being thoughtful, you see him being caring, you see him overcoming, um, trying new things, um, you know, it's like stepping out there for himself, being brave.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you see both sides of these things, and you see kids who who do have faith.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: You see, you see David pray, um, where he, even though his prayers are a little bit kind of like, hey, God, make this person stop doing that, you know, like the prayers of a child, or like my type of prayers.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just honest, honest prayers, and you see him grow.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I wanted to create this series for kids like that and for adults like that.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for parents who who want their kids to read about characters who are like them and who are growing and overcoming and making friends.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, today, the topic of this podcast that has not been named yet, I'm open to suggestions.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I thought about spicy minds, I don't know, thought about all types of different things.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll just call it David's Diary Podcast.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well that that's pretty boring.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: But the topic today is bullying, because bullying is such a big part of um autistic ADHD spectrum, neurodivergent life.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because when you are different, whether you communicate differently, you move differently, people notice, they absolutely notice, and I didn't really um understand what it means for people to notice a difference in you, even if they're noticing that you seem um naive, you believe things easily, or you are you seem like spacey, you seem um child more child-ish or childlike than your peers, people notice.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And depending on how they are, what type of person they are, they'll have a different reaction.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: There, there's some people who um see an opportunity to take advantage.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's some people who see a person like that and want to take them under their wing and have that kind of caring instinct.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, autism and ADHD, two friends like that, that's like the undefeated combo.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: They complement each other so well.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's like peanut butter and jelly in terms of friendship.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's why I wrote David and Nate like that.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: But there's some people who see someone a little different and their first instinct is to bully, and it can happen in group dynamics or an individual type of uh a thing.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have experience with both.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: An example of uh an individual type.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for me, it's been more group actually, more of a group thing because part of kids, something that kids and teenagers do, they like to do things in groups, and being mean to someone can kind of be a bonding activity.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, scapegoating is is is a bonding technique of of neurotypical people.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I've noticed, like finding okay, this person's gonna be maybe like the enemy or the weird one, or the one that we don't want in the group, or the one that is I don't know.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I really don't fully understand it, but what a a pattern that can happen is somebody is identified as being like weird or different or not fitting in.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um something that happens with a lot of ADHD autistic people is that sometimes uh we call out an elephant in the room.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like we say the thing that people aren't saying about uh a dynamic, whether it be that somebody is controlling everything that in a weird way or something that's not working that you don't realize that everyone already knows about but has decided that is okay, even if it's a person's bad behavior, like if there's a person who's treating everybody badly, the neurodivergent might say, Hey, this person's treating everybody badly, thinking nobody knows, and I'm gonna say it, and then people are gonna say, Oh wow, they shouldn't be.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what really happens is, and this is gonna be news to some of you, it's it's news as of like reasonably to me, is that everybody actually already knows and they're okay with it.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when you say it, it's um seen as bad, which it doesn't make any it doesn't make any sense, but that's actually what happens.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you if there are certain unspoken agreements, usually ADHD, autistic people, neurodividivergent people don't go along with the unspoken agreements.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you're you're kind of violating these social contracts, and you see them as well, why should I?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: They're unhealthy, or why should I?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make sense.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: But when you go against that, everybody sees it as a challenge, rudeness, and then you're a problem.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where bullet bullying can come out of that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be just about being different, um, or it can be about some a social contract, something that you've broken.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um the way it can come up is that it the uh excluding, um, mimicking, gossiping, mocking, and this can happen anywhere, it can even happen in in church settings.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So where people gossiping can be said in the form of like, you know, talking about oh, I'm concerned about this person, or like, you know, those like prayers or prayer requests that's really just talking, those kind of things.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but in school settings, I mean, we all know, especially with social media, I feel so bad kids for kids that are growing up with social media in their schools.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't imagine the the pressure and and all of these things, but group chats where people are excluded, so there's a group chat and then there's a secondary group chat.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard of situations where there's a group chat and then somebody notices that it's quiet, and that's because everybody has a secondary group chat and they've excluded one person.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So some people bond over excluding, or you know, it it's very strange.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It it doesn't make sense, but it's just something that that happens.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're if you find yourself being bullied, whether you're being mocked and talked about behind closed doors or or out in the open or somebody is treating you badly, I think the first step is just identifying what's happening.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's another issue with people who are with neurodivergent people, is that it often takes a long time to figure out actually what's going on.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: The first response is usually confusion, just trying to figure out what's happening.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I remember there was one time when I just gotten my hair done, changed in kind of a weird style.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was maybe eight, like 17.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I was 18 yet.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think maybe 17.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was just like this really curly braided style, which I don't know.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I just didn't I didn't care that much.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: My mom took me somewhere to get my hair done, and that's how she did my hair.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was at this mall, and this girl came up to me and she's like, Oh, where did you get your hair done?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Who did it for you?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that her facial expressions weren't matching somebody who like genuinely wanted to know such things.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it seemed strange.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then she had some girls behind her who were looking in also my direction, her friends, and so I could tell from them the kind of like their smiles, things like that, and how they were laughing a bit that it it wasn't like I I was confused at first, but then I realized they were making fun of me.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I just answered in earnest as as I would do, like what else would I do?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um but usually uh bullying the first the first uh instinct or the first response a neurodivergent ha person has to it will be confusion.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And just like, well, why why doesn't what this person is saying or doing match the feeling that I'm feeling about it?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um or it yeah, it's it's hard for me to even put it into words because it is just so can so confusing.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um confusion is a sign that there is a discrepancy somewhere, and I think as a neurodivergent person, trusting yourself to know that you're being mistreated.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: There is something called rejection sensitive dysphoria, they say, where uh some people with ADHD can maybe they say that they feel offenses that aren't there.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: I actually don't really believe that.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think that what happens is that there are a lot of there's a lot of bullying, and then you start to um notice it, just notice it, or maybe develop some kind of hypervigilance, but I do think there's there's just like a lot of like bullying and microbullying.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but confusion is usually the first step.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard with adults too, kind of just like thinking about interactions from months ago and realizing, oh, that person was insulting me.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's happened with me so many times where I'm like, oh, that person was like a flat out really insulting me to my face, but doing it in that way that adults do it because adults have to do it really, really, really crafty.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I try to take on those like I crafty things, and I I more I don't know, I I I try to take on and mirror that, but I I don't really love it and I feel bad about that.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe everybody does, just like having a conscience, but with neurodivergent people, yes, it it can take a long time to figure out that somebody's doing something because most bullying that these days isn't someone pushing you to the ground or punching you in the face, it's really more covert than that.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the confusion will be the the first indicator after that.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: When you figure out that someone is bullying you or bullying your child, then it's time to figure out what to do.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that these days I do is really just asking a question, like straight up saying, Are you trying to be mean to me?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you are you being mean?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Is that is that what's happening?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that neurodivergent people are great at this because we already have a lot of deadpan expressions in our back pocket, so it's I mean our neutral is is either deadpan or looking like something's wrong.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: So just what do you mean by that?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Can you explain what that means?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like what does that joke mean?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean what do you mean by that?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: And not even in a in um in an aggressive way, but just ask them questions.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I find that disarms people because people don't really want to explain what they mean.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: When someone does something sneakily, people don't like to explain that.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like it makes them makes them feel bad.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: But um so that can be a thing that you do.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can ignore it if you want.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: I find that ignoring works if it's a if it's a someone you're not going to interact with with frequently, that could be a thing.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I like calling things out much, much, much better.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: And saying, like, what do you what do you mean by that?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you say that?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or repeat exactly what they said back then, be like, what did you what was your intention when you said that?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I think neurodivergent people, like that's like that's that's natural for us because we're usually pretty curious, right?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but if it's something that's ongoing and something where someone is if you're if you're in a work environment or a school environment, and it's like okay, let's say your kid is being bullied at school, where it's either one kid or a group every single day to the point where your child is feeling sick, having a stomach ache, and and all of that, I don't really believe.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That kids should have to endure that at all.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe in having kids um suck it up or ignore it or having to have a toolkit of things to say back.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it's unfair for children to have to fight for their lives just in regular life.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because if that were a work environment, you would take it to HR immediately, right?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you would have it dealt with.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody should be bullied anywhere.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: For a kid, I would either take them out of the school or really sit down with the parents and say we're gonna have a meeting.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: But kids shouldn't have to deal with that.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: In this David's diary book, David has a bully, so he has this special toy, this eye robotic that is full of fun facts, basically the toy of my dreams, that he gets for Christmas, and then he brings it to school, and then there's a kid who wants it, and David is now being bullied and being intimidated.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you can see all his different funny coping mechanisms that he tries to to deal with this and the schemes he comes up with to deal with this, but in the end, spoiler alert, like he he needs to, he talks to a trusted adult.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think getting help is what um is what people need the most if they're being bullied, child or adult, you're gonna need some help.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, and so if this is happening to you and you're saying you know, uh an autistic adult and you're being bullied at work, and I've heard of this so many times.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Can I tell you how many neurodivergent people get bullied in work situations?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it's extremely, extremely common because people who want to bully often look for somebody that they think isn't well, they always look for someone that they think is going to just take it, maybe not understand it.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and usually, like a lot of the times, neurodivergent people don't have big friend groups and don't have someone that the bully is going to have to be accountable with, so they think they can get away with it more, but it's very important that you find a tr like advocate, you find a trusted person to talk to, someone who can come into the situation, whether that is like a human resources type person, if the boss there, because people who bully often are protected, unfortunately.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're protected by by systems.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say document things, um, create a dossier, you know, and and do what you need to do there, whether it's like legal action, if it's truly a hostile work environment or or you get a different job, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, nothing, not I don't want to say don't be afraid because fear is a normal response to intimidation, but stand up for yourself in the way that you can.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um whether you're going through that as a child or an adult, it's a very sad thing.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a very isolating thing, it it can be a very confusing thing, but you should know that you don't deserve that, and you should know that um that definitely find someone to to talk to.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Whether even that's just online, there are many groups where you can ask for advice, like Facebook groups or like meetup.com groups where you can join and talk to people about these things, or even Reddit, to be honest.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Reddit's a little weird, but you can you can you can do it, and it's very important that you find someone to to talk to who's outside of the dynamic to help you figure out what's going on.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's my that's my spiel about about bullying, and it's really it's I know I keep using the word insidious, and I don't even think I really understand what that word means.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: I should look it up, but I feel like it's really insidious, um, and it's a problem.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've walked my kids through that with people bullying them, and I have had meetings with parents and and schools because I don't let it slide at all.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't let it slide, I don't like it.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's just super mean and super unnecessary, and I don't think that my kids should have to be the punching bag for another kid's issues, whatever they're going through.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And they say that bullied kids are usually being bullied.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: I do believe that too, but at the same time, my child is not going to be the um the canvas for that child's emotional negative expression, if you will.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: So stand up for yourself, stand up for someone else, talk to your kids about bullying.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: You uh role-playing is very helpful where you say, Okay, if somebody said this to you, what would you say?
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: And also, if someone does something to you, if they embarrass you, if they try to humiliate you or something, let them know that's not about you.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: That has nothing to do with you.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: That is everything, that's everything about them and how they feel.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to them ahead of time.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let them know that in this family we don't bully other people and we do stand up for people.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: We stand up for people who are being bullied, and of you know, there's there's usually a social cost to standing up for people, but it's worth it.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's definitely worth it.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I believe that you know God sees everything.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know, I wrote this book, I modeled it after like King David was the inspiration for for David with his impulsivity, with his um, with his with his passion too for God.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, King David made some uh serious, serious mistakes, you know, uh not even mistakes, not they were like mistakes, he some serious errors, like sins against people, terrible things that he did.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he was, you know, Jesus called him a man after God's own heart because he like would repent of things and be truly sorry in the heart, not just with his words, but like turning around his behavior.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if he lived today, he'd be so canceled, like he wouldn't, he'd be done, he'd be finished.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Those aren't things you can come back from today.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe in Bible times you can come back from that, but in real life you can't come back from that.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so, not real life, but modern life, you can't.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you see how David wrote about David, like he's like my neighborhood best friend, King David.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like you saw Dave Dave, how Dave he wrote about in the Psalms, like things he went through because he he went through a lot of things with people, and he had enemies, you know, he had ops, and he there's one verse where he wrote to God, break the teeth of my enemies.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, break the teeth of my enemies is so crazy.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, do dental damage, like do serious molar damage.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a specific physiological prayer.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's really intense, but now it's Bible canon.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's so wild to me.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so you can you can definitely pray, you know, for tell God what's going on, tell him the situation too.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know if I recommend the whole like break the teeth of my enemies, but hey, it's in the Bible.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, Jesus said you should you should pray for your enemies.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he didn't say anything regarding their teeth, but he said like pray for them and like you should even bless your enemies.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can say I pray that they're blessed with repentance, you know.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can say something like that, but you you just you just let God guide you.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Let God guide you with the prayers.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so so there's that.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't have to necessarily hate anyone, but we do have to protect ourselves um and stand up for ourselves.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: One thing like God has really impressed on me is in life is that I don't need to be a doormat to anybody.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that He's really really, really, really pressed on me is that even in wanting to be a good person and wanting to be um just like a part of things too, you know, a part of things, whether it's like a church thing or or anything, I don't have to be a doormat.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm allowed to stand up for himself for myself, and he he wants me as his daughter to to honestly respect myself and not not be a people pleaser because people pleasing is actually not it's not of God, you know, like God is never a people pleaser, you know.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't think he expects that of his his children.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know he doesn't actually.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: So um don't don't let people push you around.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if somebody is pushing around in in a bad way, take it, take it up with him and find a trusted adult to help you navigate that situation because you don't nobody deserves that, you don't deserve that.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for listening to this first episode.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it helped you in life.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm it's gonna be posted on davidsdiary.com in the blog, which is where I'm gonna talk about different neurodivergent issues, uh, our lives, our our interests, and our beautiful hearts, and the God who who made us and is always wanting to help us, always wanting to to make our lives better and and help us and bless us and give us healing in all the ways that that He does.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for listening.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have the best day.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.