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The hidden loneliness of the highly sensitive man (INFJ/INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:03
  In today's journal entry, I want to talk specifically to you, gentlemen, because I think, you know, here in the Light Bears Library, we've been talking about a lot about highly sensitive men and women and INFPs and INFJs in the Myers-Briggs personality system.
• 0:21
  But I've been thinking a lot about the the essence, the um the feeling that I get.
• 0:28
  Like those are kind of, you know, labels or ideas about ideas, I don't know, about what it is that we have.
• 0:38
  We have high sensitivity and we have these personality types that help us, you know, see the or or describe how we see the world.
• 0:47
  But underneath all that, you know, yes, we're souls, and and I I see that and I believe that every single one of us in the world, no matter what our behavior or actions are, are souls.
• 1:00
  Maybe misguided souls, but um but to the men here watching, I there's there's a sense of gentleness, of of wanting something more from the world than what currently is, and wanting to be kind and empathetic or compassionate.
• 1:25
  And so for me, the the the word that just keeps coming back is gentlemen.
• 1:31
  And of course, that used to be what we would say, like gentlemen, right?
• 1:37
  And but I think we reclaim that as a way of of really seeing seeing the men in our lives, like my husband being a highly sensitive man and and an INFJ, and he's such a gentle man, and that's not appreciated in the world.
• 1:57
  And I don't know if you you also don't feel appreciated and and feel like you've got to hide that part, you know, um both for for protection, right?
• 2:10
  To to kind of so many of you have shared about being hurt when you've shared that part of yourself with others, even even intimate people that have used that against you.
• 2:22
  And and I'm sorry that that has happened.
• 2:24
  That breaks my heart.
• 2:27
  And I think that we we you know, hide or shield or whatever it is, the the term that you feel, but kind of harden a shell to protect from others.
• 2:40
  But also just just the world we live in doesn't well, it's not a gentle, kind world currently.
• 2:47
  And so when we are gentle and kind to others, that's I don't know, there's the it feels like we have to put ourselves out there on a limb every time we want to be kind to other people because we're not sure how it's going to be received.
• 3:05
  And more often than not, sometimes it can go horribly wrong, especially as gentlemen in this culture that we're living in with the hard, harder women, we'll say, or the and it's not those individual women, you know, that's like our our society and our culture has picked up this this way of being and especially as women, you know, with the feminism, and and I'm not saying that there's not parts of that that are not true, there's there's truth in lots of things that go awry, that go skew, that that just get crazy and go off track.
• 3:48
  So, but the stories that are being told right now, I know for a lot of you men out there that there's a lot of hurt and pain around women in your in your life lives in in the past, and and I'm sorry for that.
• 4:06
  And but so there's there's that that shell that is kind of hiding all of those parts of you that I think we need in the world, but how do we, you know, and we feel so alone in having that deep part, that deep feeling, that deep thinking, the intuition, the the empath, feeling everybody's stuff.
• 4:34
  And there's nowhere maybe, maybe for you, you have someone in your life that can you can share some of this with this sensitive and even the high sensitivity, you know, to um, you know, actual high sensitivity to, you know, clothes or noise or light.
• 4:57
  Um and I think that it's so important to have people to share that with that will hold space for us to be ourselves, you know.
• 5:10
  Um, and I know that even, you know, even my husband has me, and you know, he can talk to me about a lot of this stuff, but I know as an IMJ, like, or or whatever.
• 5:22
  I I don't know if it's just that.
• 5:24
  I mean, he's got a lot of things that go on.
• 5:26
  Um, but he he's you know, he's got a lot that he doesn't share because he's like, if I shared all the things that were I was thinking and happening in my head, like you'd go insane.
• 5:37
  I'm like, well, thank you for for helping me not go more insane than I already feel sometimes.
• 5:44
  Um because I asked him the other day, I was like, oh, have you thought about this, you know, this thing, you know, because he's thinking about what he what anyway, um, and he was like, Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
• 5:55
  I was like, oh, well, you haven't told me about that.
• 5:58
  And he's like, Yeah, well, I don't tell you about a lot of things.
• 6:02
  I was like, okay, anyway.
• 6:04
  Um, but my point being that if you are someone that doesn't have a place, a person, a space, somewhere, some kind of container, I guess, or or place to be held, to just be yourself, to just be soft, to feel, to cry, to um to let go of all of the stuff that you have to wear every day to fit into your job or your family or whatever sphere it is.
• 6:45
  Um, you know, I know as an IFJ, INFJs can be chameleons in all those spaces.
• 6:50
  And um so I think what I'm trying to say is that I have I am wanting to create and offer a a men's group, a gentle men's group for human conversation to gather and just be able to talk about relationship stuff that is that has come up for you, or high sensitivity stuff that that is just maybe weird to everyone else in your life, but you just want to to be seen in it, to share it.
• 7:28
  I I think we all need that space to feel not crazy, right?
• 7:35
  Sometimes, I don't know about you, but I feel like and just going slightly crazy.
• 7:40
  And I have my husband, you know, but sometimes we need a bit more than just one other person in the world to see us and to acknowledge that and say, even if we we don't feel the same way or don't have the same sensitivities or or intuitions or psychic abilities or whatever it might be, um, to just be like, wow, that's really that's really hard.
• 8:04
  I see you and that, I hear you, and you know, that's that's tough.
• 8:09
  Not a place to fix, fix you, but a place for you to just be you.
• 8:16
  I don't think that we're broken.
• 8:18
  I don't think that we need fixing.
• 8:20
  Yes, there's things that we have that we might need to work on and heal, and like that's totally fine.
• 8:27
  Every human being probably has that stuff.
• 8:30
  It's like we just need a place to like just breathe out and just be like, I can just be myself and talk about weird things or whatever.
• 8:39
  So I have um put a date on the calendar for the first one.
• 8:46
  It's going to be Tuesday, June 9th at 6 to 7.
• 8:54
  I'm pretty sure it's 6 to 7 Mountain Standard Time.
• 8:58
  I'll put it in the description and um and the link so that you can go and read about it and check it out.
• 9:05
  But that will be the first one on Tuesday.
• 9:07
  Um, and then the next one I'm gonna put up is going to be on the the following Sunday.
• 9:13
  So whatever that Sunday is.
• 9:14
  I didn't come prepared, obviously, with the dates, which was silly of me, but I will put that again in the description.
• 9:21
  So if you are just wanting a space to, so it will be a video call with other men and me.
• 9:28
  Okay.
• 9:29
  So I'll just hold space for for the conversation, for the sharing, you know, to be seen.
• 9:37
  So while you don't need to be on camera, if that doesn't feel a little nervous, um, I would encourage you to get to that place, maybe if you attend a couple or if you because it is a place to just be seen.
• 9:54
  We we wear these bodies, but we are these souls, ultimately.
• 9:59
  That's that's what I believe.
• 10:01
  And we are all beautiful.
• 10:03
  We are all we are all beautiful inside, and and that when we share from this place of our deepest selves, then the beauty shines through, right?
• 10:18
  It's so kind of being a little a little um yeah, a little open, a little courageous, a little, you know, no one, no one that will come to this group is going to is going to judge any of it.
• 10:35
  So yes, this is the offering, uh, because I know that we've we've talked about in the pat in past videos about connecting with one another.
• 10:43
  And for me, I did I did start creating uh an online community, and it just wasn't feeling right to me because I've not been on social media for 10 years, and it was feeling too much like a social media, and that's the last thing that I need, and this last thing that all of you need.
• 11:05
  And I just want to what I actually want, what I need, and maybe what you need is just a place to see each other face to face to face online, I know, but we live in we live all over the world, don't we?
• 11:21
  So it's like we need a place to just come together and to see one another and chat and share.
• 11:28
  And so I think that face-to-face or or a small group video format will work the best.
• 11:37
  That's my that's my that's my thought.
• 11:39
  That's my offering.
• 11:40
  And if if being in a group is too much right now, but you'd like to connect with me, um, I think I'll could I'll do one-to-ones maybe uh in a in a little while.
• 11:53
  I'm still still kind of also feeling all of this for my own self.
• 11:59
  But um I've come up with an idea of of video letters, no, not video letters, audio letters.
• 12:07
  So um letters from the library is my thought.
• 12:10
  So if you'd like to send me something that you're you're thinking about and you'd like my my thoughts or my my just holding space for you to share that or, you know, and I will send a um an MP3 audio letter back to you, just kind of like this, talking about just just loving you and honoring you and encouraging you, whatever it is that you might might want or need.
• 12:41
  So that's that will also be on the same same link below in the description.
• 12:46
  So um, and if you're a woman listening to this, you may like please help yourself to the audio letters.
• 12:52
  And if you're a woman listening to this, if you want a woman's group, then please comment below and say, like, I would like a women's group, and then I will make that and we can connect and do that as well.
• 13:07
  It's just that I've heard from all the men, and this is they want, they want to connect.
• 13:12
  So um, yeah, I will leave it there, but I am going to start calling you gentle, gentlemen and gentle women.
• 13:21
  I think is so much, so much broader and and speaks to the essence of who we are and maybe who you feel yourself to be rather than like highly sensitive.
• 13:35
  It's like, yes, that describes something that we we feel, but um I think the term gent let me know if that's something that you feel like.
• 13:43
  Ooh, yeah, gentlemen.
• 13:45
  I you know that um or if you have other words, other descriptors that you kind of feel might um might describe you better.
• 13:56
  Um, because I know that the word sensitive can sometimes feel like it's a bit of a double-edged sword.
• 14:02
  It it describes us, but it's the world doesn't particularly like like that.
• 14:08
  Um maybe.
• 14:09
  So anyway, uh I hope you are doing so well.
• 14:12
  I also want to thank you if you watched my last video for all of your love and support.
• 14:17
  I know that was um heavy and healing for me, and I've been feeling um encouraged by your your love and support.
• 14:27
  And um yeah, it's just been a lot this month.
• 14:31
  So I don't know if you felt that, then you know, I'm I'm with you.
• 14:34
  I'm with you on the feeling a lot currently.
• 14:37
  Anyway, I wish you so many blessings.
• 14:40
  Signing off for now, XOXO Kate.