Latest / You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women / 112. Why You Keep Going in Circles

Transcript

112. Why You Keep Going in Circles · You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women

• 0:08
  Hi, I'm Danny Tan, and if you are here, you are in the right
• 0:11
  place. Welcome to the Pivot and
• 0:13
  Promotion podcast where we say forget the rules because they
• 0:16
  weren't written for us. I'm Danny Tan, I'm your host as
• 0:19
  well as career and leadership coach and a proud advocate for
• 0:22
  redefining what success and leadership looks like.
• 0:24
  And here's what I know. You can lead at any level, you
• 0:27
  can pivot at any age, and you can make moves those that feel
• 0:30
  right for you. Whether you're climbing the
• 0:32
  perfect ladder, starting something completely new, or
• 0:34
  just figuring out your next step.
• 0:36
  I've got you covered with strategies, stories, and
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  straight up inspiration. So let's make some moves.
• 0:46
  OK, so for today we're talk about why you keep going in
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  circles and not in circles in the sense of, oh, I'm I'm
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  sitting on the same loop of the same thought or belief and I'm
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  not taking action forward. But in the sense of you keep
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  revisiting potentially decisions that you've already made and why
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  do you keep revisiting them? Why are you going in these
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  circles around the decisions that have already been decided?
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  And what this can come up in is, for example, let's say you are
• 1:12
  looking to explore career pivot. You're trying to make a change
• 1:15
  in your career. And so you decided that you were
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  going to explore, you know, this one path after looking at three
• 1:23
  different paths. So for example, when we're
• 1:24
  working together with my clients, I have an exercise that
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  people go through in order to narrow down like their skill
• 1:31
  sets, their expertise, their experience.
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  What is it they enjoy to narrow down at least to one to two
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  paths that they can go ahead and pursue and start to do research
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  for and go forward with. Now a lot of times people come
• 1:42
  up and say, oh, I'm not sure what I want to do.
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  I'm clearly unclear or I'm indecisive or, you know, I need
• 1:47
  help and guidance. And then we do the exercise.
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  They get one path, let's say it gets 3, let's say they get 3 to
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  2, two to three paths and they narrow it down to 1.
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  They will start to work towards that one.
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  And then those are just circle back.
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  I'm not actually sure. I'm not sure if I want this one.
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  What if I want to look at the other two?
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  What was what was the option two?
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  What was option 3? And they start to go back to the
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  beginning and they are basically circling and going back to
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  decisions that were already made.
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  And so this is not somebody who is short of making decisions or
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  short of options. It's actually that they are
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  going back to the beginning after they've already made
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  decisions and how that actually can slow you down, right?
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  And so let's talk about it. So what is actually going on?
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  So you're not stuck, you just may have multiple paths open,
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  right? So if you or somebody's looking
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  to do a career pivot or change, you might have multiple paths
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  open. You may have the path of
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  marketing, the path of customer success, the the path of, you
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  know, project manager. You may have multiple paths.
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  And so you may have decided to move forward with path A, But
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  then you start to question, is path A the right path?
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  And you start to think about path B and path C, right.
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  That might be you, another person that it might be.
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  Is that about building a business?
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  Oh, I think I want to help this kind of person, even though you
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  may have had three different types people you wanted, you may
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  start circling back. Oh, do I actually want to help
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  somebody who is focused on nonprofit website website design
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  or do I want to focus on helping somebody who's going to be more
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  so, you know, for profits website design?
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  Like you may just start going back to decisions you've already
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  made. And so if that is the case, you
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  are in reality, you are reopening the decisions that you
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  thought you made, you're revisiting, you're revisiting
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  options. And this is like just to check
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  and you're questioning the progress instead of building
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  upon it. So you take like 2 steps and you
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  go three steps backwards. And the thing that is most
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  important is that this is holding you back in so many ways
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  and slowing you down so many ways versus just owning that
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  decision. And so I'm thinking about a
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  client specifically who for career pivots, for example, she
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  had three paths laid out in front of her and we narrowed it
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  down to one for her to start to focus on and work on.
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  And then as she was going through the process of
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  informational interview, doing market research, doing the party
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  exercise, doing the love live without exercise, she started to
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  say, oh, I don't know. I don't know if this is the
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  right one. Doesn't what if it's what it
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  was? What if it was B?
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  What if it was C, Right. And so that does not help you
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  because this is the thing I want you to understand.
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  These circles are not confusion. They are decisions without
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  boundaries. So if you are constantly
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  circling back to the decisions you've already made, that means
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  you are making decisions without boundaries because you're not
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  holding to what it is that you said you were going to do, which
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  for you is not good because that means you are starting to
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  question yourself, trust, and you're not able to necessarily
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  be like, OK, I've got my back, I know what I'm doing.
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  You actually are second guessing yourself, which is not good for
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  yourself. Trust in that sense.
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  And so the reflection that I have for you is what decision do
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  you keep reopening? So what decision do you keep
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  revisiting like you decided it, but you keep back to it because
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  that is starting to deteriorate solely your ability to trust
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  your decision making skills in yourself.
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  But also it is slowing you down from taking the movement and the
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  action that you want to do because you're going backwards
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  every single time. So think about what decision do
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  you keep reopening versus just committing to?
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  And then I want to talk about like, why going in this like
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  circle back to your decisions feel safer than taking any
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  direction Circles feel safe because then there's nothing
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  final, right? And so every single time you
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  keep things kind of open, you keep going back to them.
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  It's like you haven't really taken the time to fully test out
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  that path. You've never, you don't have any
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  risk because you haven't really fully committed to one path.
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  You don't feel like you've lost anything because it doesn't feel
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  necessarily real yet. And so all that safety, the
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  safety of not feeling like you have taken a risk or that you've
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  really tested it, I mean, that doesn't feel real, is at a cost,
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  right? Because you're actually not
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  moving forward. And it just feels safer to
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  constantly read the decisions that you've already decided.
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  And so the things that I want you to think about is what
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  options keep getting reconsidered.
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  So what decisions did you already make that you keep going
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  back to and questioning and trying to negotiate with
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  yourself on the decision that you made?
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  And if the decision hasn't been contained, you know what?
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  What decision have you not allowed to be set in stone?
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  And even if it's temporary, it has to be forever.
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  Like, think about it. What options keep getting
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  reconsidered? What decisions are not?
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  Are you not allowed to be cemented in?
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  And what are you afraid? What are you afraid could
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  happen? Or what are you afraid it'll
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  look like if you actually do choose one path?
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  What are those fears like saying for you?
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  And I would say this is that and thinking about, you know, one
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  client who she kept thinking about, oh, OK, do I want to stay
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  in my current role or do I want to apply somewhere else?
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  Do I want to start something new?
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  And she wanted to just she wanted to do all of them all at
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  once. But The thing is, is that yes,
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  is there a way that can kind of happen for sure, but you have to
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  also be able to commit to what is the timeline for those
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  things? What is the priority in those
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  things? And what is it that you need to
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  kind of double down and focus on out of them, right?
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  You can't go 100% on three different from paths.
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  And so to make the decision of, OK, for now, I'm going to commit
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  to my main, my main path that I'm going after is to move up
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  internally or is to move out externally or is to build my
• 7:34
  business. But you can't go 100% on all
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  three paths. And so versus trying to
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  renegotiate and reconsider the decisions you've made of like,
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  oh, should it be path ABC? You got to pick one and start to
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  explore and commit to it before you go ahead and go backwards
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  and try to change it. And so, so that means if you
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  keep doing that, you don't have any answers to go off of.
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  There is no day to go off of. And so I think that part is
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  really important. So what do you keep reliving
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  instead of actually like trying to make it happen?
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  And so where are you constantly negotiating with yourself
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  decisions? I'm super curious of I made the
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  decision, but you keep going back and you renegotiate it with
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  yourself. And then the last piece is, you
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  know, how do you kind of like break this cycle essentially
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  without pushing yourself? And so this is the thing that I
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  want you to think about. This is something that we talked
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  about within coaching of like create a plan.
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  Like I call, there's so many different ways you can create
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  this plan, but this is the one that I would say is that the
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  first piece is choose your one active lane.
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  So like I was saying, if you have like lane ABC, pick the one
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  that is going to have your attention for now and everything
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  else kind of pauses, not forever, just intentionally.
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  And the second piece just to kind of like help our brains
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  feel a little bit safer, like put a time on it.
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  So if you're like, Oh my gosh, I can't just focus on this one
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  path of internal promotion or this one path of building my
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  business in a certain way, then put a time on it.
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  And that way it removes the pressure feeling like it is
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  forever and it creates safety within your brain.
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  So is that going to be for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days?
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  What do you want to do for that time bound choice while you're
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  taking towards intent alley towards that path?
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  The next piece says you have to review instead of restart versus
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  saying, oh, it's not working or I'm not sure, I don't like it
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  and throwing everything out the window.
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  You want to go ahead and do an analysis 1st and collect some
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  data. So all of the things you did in
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  the 30 day window, 60 or 90 day window for path A, what worked
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  for you? What didn't work?
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  What changed? You have to that analysis first
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  before you go ahead and jump into path 2 or path you know 3
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  because that way you have a good data to understand of what it is
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  you're enjoying versus not. So you know, what kind of takes
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  into effect for the next piece. So for example, I had a client
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  who she was like, OK, I just don't think this path is
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  working. I don't think it's what I want
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  to do. I think I just want to go ahead
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  and, you know, go with another route.
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  OK, great. But we have to understand what
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  parts are you not liking about path A?
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  And some things that came up was like, I don't know, I have
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  enough experience. I don't know if I feel confident
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  speaking about this. I don't know if my credentials
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  reflect that. OK, great.
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  But The thing is though, is that if that stuff is an A, there's
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  some of that stuff that you can still tackle before you go and
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  change to another path because if you don't, it's actually
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  going to carry into other things as well.
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  And so it's just being able to understand for yourself of like,
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  what is working, what's not working?
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  I want you to feel like versus just assuming something is not
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  working because you have not achieved a result right then and
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  there of how can you run a diagnostic and do an analysis on
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  what it is that you've done in order to help prove it?
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  And so we create safety with those choices by collecting
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  data, by collecting evidence, by collecting information and that
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  important. So if you're somebody who keeps
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  going in circles, you're going in circles and you are
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  renegotiating the decisions you have made.
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  I really want you to think about, you know, why why are you
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  going ahead and renegotiating these decisions, why you're
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  reopening them and that why are you not creating boundaries?
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  Essentially you're having boundary list decision making
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  because you decide that you can flip flop whenever you want.
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  And so if you're somebody who keeps saying, oh, I'm a flip
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  flopper or I'm indecisive, this is especially for you because I
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  have lots of folks who are really smart, really more than
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  capable, and they will come in and say I flip flop or I'm
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  indecisive. And the reality is there just
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  has to be a little bit more of structure around your decision
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  making. So you have some like you have a
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  framework essentially to work through when it comes to, OK,
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  like, why am I questioning this and why do I keep renegotiating?
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  It doesn't mean that you can't do that.
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  It just means sitting with, why is that coming up right?
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  And what is working versus not working in that?
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  And before you throw it in the garbage, give it like a
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  timeline, test it and then see what worked with didn't work and
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  then go ahead and retest. And that was what's most
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  important when it comes to why you're going in circles, but
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  you're going in circles mainly because you have too many paths
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  open. You are revisiting them and
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  you're just check to see how you're doing and you're
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  questioning yourself versus building upon the progress that
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  you have created. And so I just want you to think
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  about how you can go ahead and reassess that by doing a couple
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  of things when it comes to how you choose one active lane,
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  create a timing around it, and then review it before just going
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  ahead. And all right, so if there's
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  something that was like, Oh my gosh, I am definitely this
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  person. I'm definitely the person that
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  thinks I am flip flopping. I'm definitely the person who
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  thinks I am. I said we can't make decisions.
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  We make lots of decisions when it comes to private coaching.
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  So a lot of my client clients are trying to make decisions
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  when it comes to going ahead and building a business while they
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  are in their nine to five. Thinking about making decisions
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  when it comes to going into their business full time and
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  leaving their 9:00 to 5:00. Making decisions when it comes
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  to getting a promotion internally, getting a new job,
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  externally, changing careers, So many different ways that they're
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  making really big decisions. And these are women who have
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  made decisions their entire lives for themselves.
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  They're more than willing and capable, but these are big ones
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  that they are making now. And you have just taken on like
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  so much of the mental load that you have been playing out in
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  your mind of your day-to-day from what's on your To Do List,
• 12:56
  from what you're doing at work, that you just need a clear space
• 12:59
  to have support with this. So much so that you want to make
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  sure you're having true self trust in yourself and your
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  decision making skills. And you don't want to feel like
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  flip flopper. You don't want to feel
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  indecisive. You want to feel really
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  confident about what it is that you're going towards and having
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  a plan. So if you were somebody who is
• 13:14
  looking to within the next few months to make a big change and
• 13:18
  you've been sitting and renegotiating this decision with
• 13:22
  yourself over and over again. I would say I invite you to go
• 13:26
  to my website at dannytan.com, DANITA n.com and you can go to
• 13:32
  the contact tab and book a call with me and we can talk about
• 13:35
  what you're looking to decide this year and what needs a plan
• 13:39
  and some structure. I can give you a coaching plan
• 13:41
  and let you know what it's like to work together and then we can
• 13:43
  talk about what that's like working together is for three
• 13:46
  months and we meet bi weekly and then you have Slack voice note,
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  text and document review for those three months.
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  I'll via through a Slack messaging and yeah, we always
• 13:56
  have action items. It's always very strategic.
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  I'm all about giving you takeaways and giving you
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  frameworks and tools to use. And I want you to feel really,
• 14:03
  really confident about these big decisions that you're making
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  changes that you want to make and not to be sitting circling
• 14:08
  on the same stuff over and over again because we don't have time
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  for that. And it is truly my mission to
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  help as many women as possible, especially when of color, when
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  it comes to achieving what it is they want to achieve, especially
• 14:18
  when the systems are not set up and built for us.
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  And so anything I can do to kind of make that happen is what I'm
• 14:23
  going to do. All right.
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  So I hope hopefully you found this helpful and I will talk to
• 14:27
  you soon.