Latest / CelinaSpookyBoo / I Hope We Helped_ Not Hurt

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I Hope We Helped_ Not Hurt · CelinaSpookyBoo

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh no, Selena's sitting in the middle of the camera.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: There's a dark title. Is she going to cry? I
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: don't know. I might cry, but I'm going to tell
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: you right now, today's video, I am going to be
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: talking about infertility and our journey. So if you are
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: soft of heart to that subject and you need to go,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: this is your countdown. Three, two, one. Hello. My name
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: is Selena Spooky Boo. My name is Selena Myers. And
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: for 12 years, I tried to have a baby. I
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: did everything. My whole life was just wanting to have
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: a family, not being able to have a family. But
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: at the end of that 12-year journey, we did get
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: our precious little man, Remy. The reason I want to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: make this video is because of something that lives inside
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: of me and something that I think about every single
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: day and something that I wanted to address. And I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: feel like I, I feel, and it's weird to say,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I feel like I let people down in a certain way.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: But I was that creator who said, sometimes you don't
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: get the happy ending. And I had come to the
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: point where I understood that I was never going to
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: have a baby. I was never going to be a mother.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: That was not something I was going to do. Maybe
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I'd adopt one day, but I was, I was not
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: set to be a mother. And that was the thing.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I had come to the internet and I had made
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: YouTube videos where I said, I am the one person
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: you can lean on because I'm in the same boat
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: as you. It never happened for me either. And then
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I gave everything a college try one more time and
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: it worked. And I know it's weird to make a
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: video about this, but I just feel like I have
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: to apologize to the community of parents. Nope, wrong word.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: To the community of people, women who... They didn't get
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: that story and they didn't get that happy ending and
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: it didn't happen for them. Or maybe I'm here to say, hey,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: guess what? You can think that and things can still
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: absolutely change. I remember when Adam and I got married,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I was like 20. It was crazy. I was so young.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: We got married because I wanted to have a family.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: And I remember him and I having these conversations where
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: he was like, we're too indebted. It is not the time.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like, My parents are sick and they
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: are dying and we need to have a family. I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: need my parents to meet my kids. Like, I don't
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: know what's going to happen. And it was horrible. So
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: we had this conversation. We decided, hey, we're going to
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: try one time. We're going to see what happens. We're
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: going to try one time. One time. Did it happen?
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: It happened immediately. We tried a single time and I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: got pregnant. And I remember the second I found out,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I threw up and then I never stopped. And I
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: never stopped. And I had this thing called hypermesis gavardium.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I was in the hospital like every two days because
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I couldn't eat anything. I got horrific migraines because I
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: couldn't consume anything and I couldn't take anything. And then
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I remember, you know, Adam, oh, what a terrible story
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: it was. Adam left on a fishing trip. I found
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: out the next morning I had a miscarriage. He had
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: to drive home from like 14 hours away. We met
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: in the middle of a rainstorm in an intersection in
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Toronto where I was picking him up from a bus.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Like it was horrible. So then my heart was broken
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: for a couple of months and we decided, you know,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: we're going to try again.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: And a year later
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I thought, okay, we need to go to an infertility specialist.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: We went to a place in London. We did all
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: of the tests under the moon and they said, I
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: don't know, you have unexplained infertility. There's nothing more we
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: can do for you, but we'll put you on the
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: list for IVF. But know that because you are 21,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: you're not going to get funding for like two years
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: because that's how things run. Or not two years. He said,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: because of your age. This is how things ran. This
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: is how long ago. They said, this is so long ago.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Back to the first clinic. They said, no one's really
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: going to help you until you're like 37 because you're
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: so young and you have unexplained fertility. We can try
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: monitoring some cycles. We can try some meds. Nothing worked.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: So then I go to them and they're like, okay,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: we'll put you on the list. We'll put you on
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: the list for IVF. They said, call us in about
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: six months. And in six months, you will probably be
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: moved up on the list. I call them in six
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: months and guess what? They had funding cut. I was
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: taken off the list and they never, ever had me
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: on it. Interesting. Fun. Cool. I end up going to
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: another clinic. Now they're doing different monitoring. They're doing different tests.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: And the doctor says, hey, I think... that I know
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: what's wrong with you. Let's do this procedure. Well, the
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: procedures are the most painful things I've ever experienced. The
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: amount of PTSD I have around my junk is insane
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: from the amount of things that I have done to
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: my junk. So he said, the only way we can
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: do this is by putting you under to do this exam.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So I go to the London hospital. I get put out.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I was afraid. He said, I think you have a
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: U cornea uterus. But to confirm, I needed to go under.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: So I go under. I said, Adam, you better tell
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: me a funny way to tell me if I have
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: a U cornea uterus or not, because it's going to
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: break my heart. And I'll never forget waking up in
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: that hotel room and looking at Adam and being like, Adam,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: what did they say? And he lifts up a little
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: TY beanie baby that he found in the gift store
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: of a unicorn to tell me that I had a
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: unicorniate uterus. So then I found out all the things
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: that came with the unicorniate uterus. I found out that
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I have one ovary that ovulates and one ovary that doesn't.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And the ovary that doesn't ovulate sits to the only
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: tube that I have. And this tube isn't open. So
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the two times Then I ended up getting pregnant. It
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: came from this side and went in this side. So
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: this doctor says, all I can really do for you
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: right now is put you on metformin and we'll hope
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: for the best. So I try metformin for two weeks,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: messes with my head. I don't know if anyone else
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: has ever experienced this anxiety. I come off it. What
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: happens the month after I come off metformin? Bing, she's
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: pregnant again. But I'm terrified because I know that if
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: this baby did not implant in the exact place that
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: it was supposed to, I probably wouldn't be able to
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: carry because my uterus was very small. One doctor, and
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: this is the thing where healthcare blows my mind. One
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: doctor says, your uterus is too small. You are not
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: going to be able to carry a baby to term.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: It's going to come early unless it implants in this
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: perfect spot. Then I have another doctor, female doctor, who says, actually,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: your uterus is a great size. And I think that
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: you could absolutely carry, but it would come early and
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: there would be some complications. So strange, different pages. So
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I get pregnant again. I am ecstatic. Now we are
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: going through, through, through. We go back to the fertility center.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I had a weird feeling that morning. They do the ultrasound.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: The girl leaves. The doctor comes back. He says, I'm
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: so sorry. It's happened again. I spend the next, oh
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: my gosh, that was 2014, 2016. I spend the next,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: my gosh, eight, nine years monitoring cycles, trying different medications,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: trying different things, being on lists, not getting granted IVF,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: and then giving up. People around me were having all
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: their babies. They were growing up. Everyone's living life. So
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I had pretty much lost a massive amount of friends
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: because it's not their fault. But when people have kids,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: they hang out with other people with kids because it
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel the same. So my world became very small. 2016,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: after my second miscarriage, my Meniere's disease kicked in. I
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: had it. It first happened. So first pregnancy, I got
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: crazy vertigo, got Meniere's disease. Second pregnancy, went away a
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: little bit. After the pregnancy ended, Menager's disease was back.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I was living most of my life on my bathroom floor.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I was throwing up. I couldn't walk down an aisle
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: in a grocery store. I couldn't barely drive a car.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I couldn't read a book. I couldn't watch TV. Everything
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: gave me vertigo. Then I was thinking, how am I
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: supposed to have a baby? I think a lot of
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: it was anxiety too, but I was like, how am
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I going to have a baby if I am this dizzy?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Things start getting a little bit better. Then Adam gets
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: his concussion. Which as you know, to this day, Adam
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: is living on a roller coaster of being better and
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: being bad and being better and being bad and thinking,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, we can't do this. So our house
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: became silent and we were best friends and strangers at
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the same time. And life was weird because it was
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: hard to be romantic because everything was a timed dance
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: of letting doctors knows what's up, testings, blood tests, driving
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: around and all this. And one day I just said,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm done. And it's weird to say what
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: caused me to be done, but we were in the
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: midst of the pandemic and we couldn't do as much monitoring.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: There wasn't as much stuff going on with the clinics.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And I had just been on so many different medications
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: and tried so many different things that I was just like,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: let's just stop. I started TikTok. We were all locked
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: in and I was going to go crazy if I
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: didn't have some way to funnel creativity to become a
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: different person. I had lost my identity of who I was.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was because in my head,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I was going to be a mom. I wanted to
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: be a mom. I had no idea who I was
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: going to be. And at this point, we were so
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: in debt with all of the fertility treatment. It was horrible.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Everything was horrible. And then I found TikTok and I
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: started making videos and people resonated with me and I
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: made friends. I made friends all over the world. And
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: that deep hole inside me that I thought could only
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: be filled with having a child started to close. Never fully.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: But I didn't feel as alone. And I got to
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: watch other people's story. But I'm going to tell you
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: right now, man. The amount of videos. It's just people
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: doing a pregnancy test for seven months and getting so upset.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I used to have such a hard time with that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: And I understand. And I am not... minimizing that. Because
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I remember seven months in, I felt at the absolute
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: bottom because you feel like your body is failing you.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: But at this point, I'm you know we're going we're
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: going on like years half a decade more of flipping
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: that test every month i flipped that damn i flipped
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: tests for i felt i flipped tests for a decade
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: every month for a decade But I remember sitting and
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: watching all these things and on that seven month they
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: get pregnant, they're so excited. And again, I'm not cutting down,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: but for someone who had been in years, I watched
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: those videos and I was like, I need to be
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the person that says it's okay if it just never happens.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: It's okay. So I decided to take on that role.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And I made those TikToks where I said, stop asking.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I'm never, I'm never going to do it. I'm not
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: going to be a mom. I'm not, it's just not,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: it's not in the cards for me. And a lot
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: of it had to do with money. A lot of
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: it had to do with debt. But what I didn't
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: understand is with TikTok would come brand opportunities and creating
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: my own makeup company and writing books and people actually
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: buying those books. And for the first time in my life,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I wasn't in debt. And then comes two years ago.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: And I put one message out to one surrogacy agency,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: CFC Families. And I jumped on a call because I
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: was terrified at this point. I was so scared of IVF.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I had never gotten it. And I was so afraid
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: to use my own eggs and to go through that
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: because I had been on an emotional roller coaster trying
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: to get back to a good mental health space after
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: all the fertility treatments, after all of the Ozempic and
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: all of that kind of stuff. And Leah sat with
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: me and she's like, it is not as bad. And
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you are going to want to do your eggs. And
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you're such a unique looking person. And like, I could
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: do a donor eggs, but why wouldn't I do mine?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: And she talked me into it. And I said to her,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so scared. I'm an awkward person. And
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: she said, I know the perfect person for you to
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: be our surrogate. And that's how we met Jessie, who
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: is an absolute fucking rock star. I love that woman.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: That woman is insane in the best way. I say
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: insanely amazing. Jessie has had eight babies. She has had
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: five surrogacy journeys, one of them twins. And I remember
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: meeting her for the first time, snapping each other. And
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I had never felt so much warmth because I have
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: a hard time connecting with people. And I feel too much.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I feel a lot. I don't know if there's other
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: people out there. They're like, I feel a lot too.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: But like, I feel a lot. And I remember meeting
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: her and her saying like, let's do this. And I
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: was like, holy shit, we're going to do this. And
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I remember meeting the doctor at Create and he was
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: so nice. And I remember him being like, we can
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: do this. And I remember starting the meds and being
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: so scared that I was going to feel crazy or
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: losing my mind. But like keeping my mindset that I'm like,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: this is going to end up with something good. And
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I never once like, and I really think manifesting had
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: a lot to do with this, but I have never
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: once been like, it's not going to work. I just said,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: it's going to work. But a part of me felt
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: like I was betraying all these people that I said, okay,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it. But I'm like, we
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: got to try it. We got to fucking try it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: We got to do it. So I go through it.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Follicles look great. We get 24 eggs. We end up
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: with 10 perfect. And then it all went so smooth
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: from there. Jesse had dealt with some personal things and
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: We were ready to step away. I felt like maybe
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: it was a sign from the universe. You're supposed to
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: step away. But then she said, I'm in like I
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: am in. And I'm such a control freak. And I
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: just decided. A part of me was like so upset.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I couldn't do it in my own body. But pregnancy
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: for me, the two times I did, it was really, really,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: really hard. And my two pregnancies together almost equaled a
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: whole pregnancy. And I was like, okay, I've already done it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: But Giving up the control and trusting these doctors and
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: this woman was the scariest, most beautiful, most horrible, most
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: amazing thing I've ever felt. And I know those are
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: really weird words to put together, but I had this
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: woman who's like, I've done this. We're going to do this.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: And she did it. And our first transfer took. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I held my fucking breath. I held my breath for
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: 14 weeks. Cause I had to get, I just wanted
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: to be safe. I'm just picturing him. I just remember
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: being there and I mean like, here's your egg. And
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: it all felt so surreal. And I'm like, do you
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: see your name? And I'm like, that's my name. And
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: then we like saw her uterus on camera and we
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: like saw him put the catheter in and And then
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: you're like pregnant until proven otherwise. And I remember her
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: doing tests because this was around Christmas. Because we were
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: going to find out for Christmas if he was coming.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: And I remember her doing tests. And she's like, I
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: don't think so. I don't think so. And then she
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: calls me and she does one. And then once the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: pregnancy was confirmed, we were allowed to know what it was.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if I ever told you guys
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: this story. But I told them just email it. I'm like,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I waited 12 years. I don't need to. I don't
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: need you to mail me. And I'm like, just... his email.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: So Adam saw it and he called me. He's like,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: don't look at your phone. Don't look at your phone.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: It come through. So I asked Adam to tell me,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: to show me in a funny way. So he grabs
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: my underwear. He grabs a purple pair of underwear and
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: a blue pair of underwear. And he comes out and
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: he's wearing blue underwear and we're having a little boy.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: And I just remember being like, cause I thought it
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: was a girl. I was like, there's, there's no way
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have three daughters. I thought it was
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: gonna be three daughters. But even in that moment, it
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: didn't feel real yet. Like it wasn't real. It And
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Jesse had sent us an ultrasound photo. I just remember
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: being like, it's going to happen. I think it's actually
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: going to happen. The weeks flew by, but like a
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: part of me, until he was here, there was a
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: massive part of me that was like, I don't think
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: it's going to happen. Like something's going to happen. Something
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: bad is going to happen. But I wanted to be
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: who I was when we were going through the egg
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: thing where I was just like, yeah, everything's going to
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: be fine. But even when it came to the point
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: of him almost coming, he was overdue. And I was like,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: he's not coming. It's not real. Something's going to... And then, guys, God,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: the story of... You know the story of... Jessie went
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: from one centimeter to seven centimeter by the time she
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: walked down the stairs. She went by ambulance to the hospital.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: To the hospital she didn't want to go to. I
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: got lost in the hospital. We missed the birth by
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: a couple minutes. But I remember walking into the room.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And Adam beat me there. And he's like, look at
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: your son. And there's just this baby there. they're wiping
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: him down and he's screaming and I'm like I recognize
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: you and they gave her to him because she wanted
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: to hand him to me and she gave birth to
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: the placenta and she's like are you ready for your
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: baby and I was just like yeah and then she
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: just handed me him and I hadn't held a baby
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: since forever and She just, like, gives them to me
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: and I just pick them up and I'm just like... Hi!
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And I have them in my arms and... I just
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: looked at them like I knew them for a hundred years. Sorry,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: this is more amazing every time I think about it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: But this is not what this video is about. This video...
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: It's not only an apology to the people who I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: stood with when I said I was never going to
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: have children and that I would be someone for you
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: to relate to and to talk to and to be with.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: But maybe I'm here to say that they come in
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: different ways. Remy is ours and he came via surrogacy.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: That's actions we made. But sometimes people build their families
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: in other ways and Maybe you did give up. Maybe
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: that is it for you. That's okay. Maybe that wasn't
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: meant to be your story. I didn't think it was mine.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, I was so set on that.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: And look at my life now. And I also want
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: to tell the people who are fighting this. When he
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: came it was the scariest time of my life and
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I was never that scared and I look back at
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it and I hate that I was so scared. Because
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: now we're here, we're seven months in and he's the
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: best thing that ever happened. He has taught me more
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: in seven months about myself and love than I've known
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: in my whole life. And Adam and I love him
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: so much and We want to make the world such
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: a better place for him. But if you are fighting
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: and just know that in some weird way it might happen.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's adoption. Maybe it's someone else's kids. Maybe it's
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: just being active. in other kids lives I don't know
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I used to feel like when people are like oh
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I'm just like not having kids I understand and respect
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: that too but now that I have him I can
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: never go back I love him he's the best Oh
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm in this August group on Facebook. And
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: we've lost a couple babies. And I can't imagine I
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to live. But I love you. So
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: this is me apologizing to people who I promised to
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: stand with with not having children. But I hope I'm
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: also a story of someone who made it. I never
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: thought I'd be that person. But I love you. So
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: sorry for the long, deep one. But I love you guys.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And I love Remy. And also, if you're pregnant and
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: you're putting your child up for adoption, hit me up. Because, yes,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: we have more eggs. But if there's kids in the
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: world that already need someone... That's a weird thing to
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: talk about, actually. Because I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I would adopt. If you showed up... I get so
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: mad when I see those stories of people dumping kids
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: in dumpsters. Put on my front step. I will raise it.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I will love it forever. So... Weird thing to put
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: out there, but say for some reason you ended up
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: on this video and you're like, oh, I have a
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: baby and I'm putting up for adoption. Weird. Okay. That
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: was weird. I don't know if that was the right
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: time to say that. I love you. I'm fucking wet now.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I cut off my nipple the other day. Anyways, that's
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: another story. I'll tell you that on TikTok. Talk later. Bye.