Latest / Dadical / 11. Failure Is Information: Raising Resilient Kids | Nav Prasad
Transcript
- Seth Stoker: when I first decided to start making content about fatherhood, I didn't know what to expect. I just knew that these are the conversations that I love having and I knew they weren't happening nearly enough. While the data is clear that fatherhood is one of the most critical responsibilities, and maybe the most critical responsibility in our society, it has largely been forgotten in the pervasive messages of the day. But as I dove in, it didn't take long to bump into other fathers who felt the same way I did. They take this responsibility seriously, and they understand that the world needs more young men to step up and live for something more than just themselves. That's exactly what fatherhood is. One of these men that I stumbled upon was Naveen Prasad. He goes by Nav. Nav and I are in similar stages of fatherhood. He has two boys, ages 19 and 10. And as Nav interacted with other parents, he quickly realized some of the lessons he's learned along the way could be very valuable for other parents. So about four weeks ago, he downloaded TikTok and started making content. One month and a million views later, Nav is having conversations with parents from all over, hoping to learn more and more about his content. after speaking with him, it's easy to see why. Nav is intentional about how he teaches his kids resilience, discipline, and even how to navigate failure. In fact, Changing the way his kids view failure may be the most valuable gift he's giving them. Nav told me that failure is information. Through failure, we understand what works, what doesn't work, and where to focus our efforts. Failure isn't a destination. It's a part of the process of becoming better and better at whatever it is you do. And as I have said on this show many times, teaching our kids the concept of becoming is one of the most important things that we can do. In a world of distraction, temptation, Uncertainty around AI and ever increasing unaffordability, our job as parents is getting bigger and bigger. Helping your kids learn discipline and resilience, not by osmosis, but intentionally providing them with the experiences and tools to combat these challenges is crucial. I've heard people say that you just have to show up. And hey, look, if that's all you can give right now, then great. Do that. But I want to challenge fathers everywhere to step up and be so much more to their kids. They need you and your wisdom and example so much more than you realize. After listening to Nav's conversation, I think you'll be inspired to do just that. Before we get into the interview, I'll just make a small request. My goal is to bring as much value to fathers through these conversations as possible. The experiences that we've covered on this podcast so far have been incredible, and I know there are dads out there who need to hear these stories. If you feel the same, can you share this podcast with your networks? Whether it's LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. Text message, snail mail, I don't care. Rather than just sending another funny reel, send this podcast to a dad who's trying to be a little better each day. Being better fathers and raising better kids is one of the few ways that we can truly change the world. That's my goal, and I hope you'll join me in that mission. Here's my conversation with nav. Nav, excited to have you on the Dadicle podcast today. Thanks for joining. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, absolutely, man. I appreciate being invited. Seth Stoker: Now, Nav and I connected on social media because I found him creating a lot of really interesting fatherhood content as well. And so I've been really eager to talk to him to get his take on a number of different things. But why don't you tell us a little bit about your channel first of all, and then afterwards we'll dive into your family and stuff like that. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, absolutely. so my channel is Fatherhood Roars on TikTok right now. Working on other platforms as well, but that's where I'm primarily posting content right now. it originally started off as, you know, hey, let's let's connect with some dads, and you know, luckily early on we connected, right? So the purpose was fulfilled there. interestingly enough, you know, going along the way, it seemed like more moms were connecting with my content because I am talking about raising boys, which I thought was really neat. Seth Stoker: So why why do you think that is? Why do you think moms are are engaging with your content more so even than the fathers that you expected to engage? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I so my guess is that raising boys for a mom is not it's not like it's not easy. It'd probably be the same way if I was raising a daughter, right? Like I I didn't grow up, you know, you know, as a girl, right? So I didn't have that perspective of like what kind of pressure would they feel, you know, growing up that is unique to, you know, what females experience, right? And so like I think with the dads, right, they've already been through it. They know what it's like to be a boy, grow into a man, go through those you know, those steps. But the moms don't necessarily know how to help prepare their boys for that. And I think a lot of moms are in that spot right now. Very similar to my mom, where the dad is providing, right? That the dad is away from the home and you know, they're working their tails off to provide for the family, and the moms are basically g gonna be the main source of who's providing the growth, who's providing the advice, the you know, what happens at school, visiting the teachers, stuff like that. And so I think that's correct me if I'm wrong, anybody that's watching, but you know, that's what I think is resonating. Seth Stoker: that's really interesting. I I will dive into a little bit of your your thoughts on on raising boys in general. but give us the nature of your content. Like what types of information are you putting out there right now? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, so there's a lot of early on I was talking a lot about the relationship building aspect with your son, how youth sports has basically accelerated that process for me. lately I've been helping with more of the health and wellness side of things. It seems like a lot of people are really interested in the topic of maxing their height potential, right? Their genetic potential as far as how tall they can grow. and The funny thing is like I've I've read articles, I've heard doctors talk about this many, many years ago. That's what kind of kicked off this whole you know, this whole journey of going down that rabbit hole. I didn't hit a real gross bird until tenth grade. So I was basically consistently the one of the shorter kids in class. my son, my youngest son, who is basically the beneficiary of majority of the content that I'm posting on, is You know, he's already past what I was going into high school i in terms of height. Weight wise, it's what I weighed in my freshman year of college. He's already in men sized clothing. And my wife Seth Stoker: Wow. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: is five one, right? So like it's not like we had, you know, super tall jeans to pass down to him. but he's consistently been and probably one of the most shocking things was when we started putting him in school. And I saw him walk out with a bunch of kindergartners and he was the tallest one of them all. I'm like, What what is that? Where did he get that from? And you know, prior to that it was just like, We're gonna be healthy. Like my wife was very good about being, you know, making sure he was breastfed for as long as possible, as long as she could provide. I think she got up to almost a year, as far as that, so set him up really well there. And then and then From there on out, just making sure, you know, we're feeding him real food and that sort of thing. But when we were doing that we were just thinking, like, let's just make sure he's healthy, right? didn't realize that it was helping him grow in literally every way, like being able to have whole you know, full conversations as a three year old. his his vision like right now is twenty thirteen. he's obviously taller than anybody in our family was at his age. He is very athletic, has a lot of endurance. you know, it's just a lot of crazy things that, you know, he's not just tall, but he's muscular too. Like he's a very strong kid, he weighs 110 pounds. and it's like majority muscle, right? Like if you found another Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: kid in his age group that weighs that much, they're not gonna look the way he does. Right. So, but yeah, like that that lately has just caught fire. I think there's a million views in the last seven days of of me starting to post more of the health and wellness type of stuff. which is which is awesome to see 'cause I if if I was just talking about this to my normal circle, I think I would be the, you know, the the black sheep of the group. Seth Stoker: it's i it's interesting nav because you know i've had a few conversations that have kind of kind of meandered over into health and wellness but that hasn't really been the main focus of this show. That being said, it's really interesting to me because we talk a lot about engaging or even directing behavior of our children and things like that. And yet a lot of times we end up trying to engage with the symptom and not the actual cause. And and diet and and health is such a huge factor in managing that. And so how how did you even get on this? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I would say so my mom actually passed away in twenty sixteen, which is the same year that my my youngest was born, and she was only fifty-five years old. And the I think the craziest thing about it all was if you look at her, how she looked, everything, she looked really young for her age up until the final three years. most people would have assumed she was gonna live to a hundred, right? And I just, you know, i it was such a shock for her to deteriorate so quickly that I think when I started when things started to kind of clear up as far as like the grief and whatnot, I just it made me really curious how that was 'cause even my dad, like my dad is he just turned seventy one this year. And he looks extremely healthy. But the funny the funny thing about it is that everybody, including my dad, was planning for him to be the first one to go. and so to me it was just like right in my face, like this does not make sense. You know, and my wife or my mom was very health conscious, right? Like did all the stereotypical stuff that you should, like, would go on walks all the time and ate you know, vegetarian and and, you know, she was very picky about like the types of food she ate. She avoided like meats and fats and and all that, like all the st stereotypical things that we're told, right? And so I just kind of went down the rabbit hole of like, what happened? You know, like, is there any point to being healthy? Exactly. Exactly. Seth Stoker: Because she should have been healthy, is what yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. And so I was just thinking to myself, Well, if somebody that was healthy left, you know, n she's no longer with us, right? At fifty five And I'm only t twelve years away from that. So I'm thinking to myself, like, I better figure it out or I, you know, I might be have the same fate. so that's what kicked it off. So, you know, I think I would say around the year twenty seventeen, that's when I started getting really serious about like turning my health around and trying to figure out like how to be healthy. I got part I I became part of that keto fad, right? And I actually did lose a ton of weight. a and a ton of fat by following a strict keto diet. And so that's what really was like, wait, like all the things that we were told were gonna make you fat, were gonna make you, you know, higher risk for everything, was actually reversing the damage that I was doing to myself. I think one of my posts should probably be a before and after because I don't think people would recognize who I was when I was like Seth Stoker: Really? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, when I was thirty four when I just started that journey, to now as a forty three year old, like I definitely look and feel younger now than I did then. So that's really what kicked it off. Then, you know, once I think we touched on this a little bit, but the youth sports stuff, like once my son like we we were it was pretty easy to keep him healthy before youth sports, right? now all of a sudden he's seeing this junk food for the first time. Kids are offering it to him because they're just being nice, right? and he's like taking his first bite of it and like you can see like the the the drug effect like going straight to his Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: brain, you know, and I was just like, I know I had these as a kid, but man, I don't think I ever reacted like that. Seth Stoker: Right, right. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but From then on on, I will just like, you know what? After you're doing this much physical activity and you're starving, like what an opportunity to feed you something right, you know, right after that. So that's when I went down the rabbit hole of like, what can I give my kids? What can I give him in particular because of how active he is. you know, and I had my own experiences when I was growing up where I like I was working out, but then I would get Wendy's right afterwards. And, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: you know, so it's like And I saw the result of that, right? Like, yeah, I've gained muscle, but I also gained a lot of fat at the same time. You know, so I kinda had Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: it in my mind, like, what you feed your body right after a workout, it's gonna take all of it, you know, 'cause you're just so drained by that point. And so I thought, well, why don't we feed him something that's great? You know, that's more of like a whole food type of thing. And so I basically incentivized him to not go for the the after game snack and stay on the right path and you know, I would, you know, e early on I I had to. Now I don't really so much because now he's felt the benefit of it. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: and he sees like the benefits, right? But early on when he was like five years old when we started this whole youth sport thing, it was hard. It was hard because, you know, you see all the the the good foods and all that. and you know, getting him to kind of see like a point to it. I had to really incentivize, like, hey, if you go two games in a row without taking that stuff and give it to a buddy, I'll just take you to the store, you can pick out a little toy or something like that and and just make it worth his while just so he doesn't hate me. go, man, dad is evil. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well, you know what though, Nav? I I tell you what though, like, yeah, yeah, it's an unpopular policy or decision as a dad, but at the same time, like there there are some really amazing gifts that you can give your kids and the ability to recognize how differently I feel when I eat what I'm supposed to, as opposed to when I eat what I'm not supposed to. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Exactly. Seth Stoker: and being able to recognize that so there's a couple things that I that I want to call out here. Number Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: one is is you're very intentional about what you're teaching them and they will be grateful for that. I probably I was probably in my 30s when I really started taking seriously how different I felt when I ate the good stuff as opposed to the bad stuff. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: And and you know what? I would have loved to have figured that out earlier. And it's not like the information isn't available, but you are really the the main source of your knowledge when you're younger is is your parents. And if they are deliberately teach you those things, that just sets you up for a more successful life. But but the other the other piece that I really like, Nav is clearly you have been very present in the sense that I think parents who are preoccupied or or who aren't very engaged with their kids and things like that, they may not have even recognized the fact that, hey, my kid acts differently when when he's not eating the you know, not eating nutritious food and things like that. But but you're you're paying close attention, which which tells me that you're pretty engaged as a father. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: yeah. Yeah, definitely. the first three years of my youngest being born, I was actually in a corporate job where I was traveling seventy five percent of the time. So I those are the three years I just look back on and I'm just like, Never again, man. Like luckily he doesn't remember that time, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but I do and I remember there's one memory actually that that I have that I missed is when he was starting to go to preschool, there was a Donuts with Dads event and I I found out about it afterwards because my Seth Stoker: Mm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: wife didn't have the heart to tell me that I was missing that. and I was like, gosh dang it, like I don't want I don't want to be that kind of parent. Like I Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: like I think at this point, like there's so many different options to like work from home and you know do things where you can be flexible, you can write your own schedule, stuff like that, and also be able to be present with your kids. So I think that was mainly the driver behind it was just like that one event was like, I don't want to miss anything else. And I haven't to this day have not missed a single practice, not a single game. so, you know, take it for what it is, but you know, I'm I'm still undefeated there. Seth Stoker: There you go. I I love it. I mean, it sounds like you've got your priority straight. You know what's important, you know what's not important, and you're you're you're building your Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: life around that rather than building your life around your career and then figuring the rest of the stuff out. And I I I think that's really honorable. And so let's put a pin in that for a second, because I think we can come back to it. But I would like A, for the audience to understand Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Okay. Seth Stoker: a little bit better your family. Give us introduce us to your family, your background, family dynamic, and and then we can go through it from there. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, yeah, for sure. My you know, happily married. we have two boys and a little I I I would be remiss if I didn't mention my little doggie. She's she's my fur daughter. Seth Stoker: All right. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but yeah, my oldest is nineteen and my youngest boy is ten. my doggy is is about to turn six. So yeah, that's that's us. Seth Stoker: So old I guess you said youngest was pretty is pretty into sports and things like that. Was your oldest son into sports as well? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Absolutely not. I remember Seth Stoker: Okay. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: in first grade we signed him up for basketball and it might be the worst six week weeks of his life. There was the the last game, it's and I I have a picture of this. His team lost probably probably thirty plus. It was so bad that they turned the score around. And when the buzzer went off, he started jumping for joy. Like like he won the game. Because it's over. The season's over. Seth Stoker: 'Cause it's over? Wow. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but we he did find some interest in swimming. Like he was really naturally good at it and all of the instructors around like when he was ten years old, like took notice, like wow, this guy's like a dolphin in there. but then you know, t twenty twenty hit and it kind of derailed all of that because the pools were so hard to get into for so long, right? And you know, in the Pacific Northwest, like I think the the pandemic lasted a little longer than most of the country. so yeah, it was very difficult and by the time, you know, things opened up and things were great, you know, good again it was two and a half years later. So it was it was basically behind him at that point and he was deep into, you know, eighth grade. So Seth Stoker: So so what's his jam? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: He is very into technology. you know, he likes to, you know, and also he likes to build things. he w he was actually fortunate enough to be able to go to a STEM high school. Seth Stoker: cool. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: and so he's kind of figuring things out like where his real true passion is and interests. he hasn't immediately gone to college, so like, you know, just so everybody knows, he is autistic. so a lot of these milestones you know, are coming a little later. They're coming, but they're they're just a little later than what you would, you know, consider for somebody who is not on the spectrum. you know, as far as like just taking interest in, you know, driving, taking interest in a job, taking interest in all these things, a lot of things like I feel like my ten year old he already wants to drive and he already wants a job. He already, you know, he he's just far surpassed you know, what my eldest has been but, you know, just just kind of figuring that out. And you know, he he takes a lot of interest in like studying electronics, robotics, design I think is one of his absolute favorite things to do. and yeah, basically along those lines and very introverted, but very happy as an introvert. Seth Stoker: Well, I I think one thing that you're illustrating is is something that that a lot of people run into is that your kids are are all very different. And you can't just parent one kid the same way you parent another kid. It that's a recipe for disaster if if you try to a lot of times. And so how have you had to kind of adjust your parenting style from one kid to another? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: It's kinda it's weird to say, but I think a lot of my management experience helped with this. because the way I managed people, it wasn't like I treated I did not treat everybody the same. I developed a relationship with each and every person. I think my management style was less of a like you know, rah-rah, like to a crowd type of leadership. It was more like sit down with someone, get to know them, connect them, figure out well like what What are they interested in? What makes them tick? so like I think a lot of that spilled into my parenting. And when it came to my eldest, I don't know, I think I think my wife and my you know, my in laws could kinda tell that he was not like you know, a n I guess I hate to use the word normal, but like But like he wasn't hitting certain benchmarks the same way as you would compare to like what a doctor would expect, right? and so I think they always kinda had it in their minds, like, you know, there's something he might be neurodivergent or maybe it's ADHD, just extreme side of it. so we kind of treated it like that. But we didn't actually get an official diagnosis until he was I think he was fifteen or sixteen years old. so for me, like I I felt like I didn't understand a lot of the ways, you know, things he did, like like I think a lot of people in the spectrum can be kind of in their own world a little bit. And so if you don't know that they're on the spectrum, it can come across as being selfish or not wanting to be part of the group or something like that and not expressive, right? So like sometimes they may appear upset, but they're not. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think the trickiest thing with with autism is like when you talk to teachers about this, like they're just like, well I don't know him say anything. Like he's very functional, he gets good grades. you know, but they don't understand like the re relationship side of it, the emotional side of it. They're just like, he gets A's. You know, and Seth Stoker: Right. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: and so like for me before finding out, I think I was pretty hard on him. Like I I, you know, I was trying to raise him to be someone that's like can function in a workplace environment, you know, similar to like how I was brought up. And so like I I've made a ton of mistakes, you know, because I for one, I didn't know. I just thought it was ADHD. And I have ADHD, so I was like, I was giving him a lot of the same types of tips and you know, things that I did to overcome it. but it wasn't fully ADHD. I mean, he does, but I don't think that nearly impacts him as much as the obviously being on the spectrum. So so when we got that diagnosis, it it helped me understand like, okay, like I need to just I need to reconnect somehow, you know, and And go about it completely differently, be a lot like way more patient about like these milestones, way more patient about him figuring out what he wants to do. Just like recently, he asked me to go to the movies with him, you know, and and we went, we watched I think it's called Backrooms, freaky movie. Seth Stoker: Okay. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: But he initiated that and I just thought that was so cool because normally he l likes to, you know, be with his buddies on the computer and they're Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: they're working on like wizardry stuff and you know like I thought it was so cool and you know we kinda bonded off of watching movies recently we've just basically been picking a movie to watch, you know, on a weekly basis, sometimes, you know, twice in a week and so now I feel like you know, I'm building the same type of relationship I have with my younger one. The younger one was just easier because h he was just interested in the same things that I was interested Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: in like automatically. so there was definitely more work with my eldest. And you know, even even if your eldest isn't on the spectrum, obviously parents will make the most mistakes with them. so yeah. Seth Stoker: Right, right. That's that's kind of what I was gonna say, Nav is is A, no i it it sounds like once you changed your approach though, you've been able to really improve your connection with your son, which which is actually pretty cool. obviously, that was the other thing that I was going to call out is that it's hard enough to deal with an oldest child in general because you're you're learning everything for the first time. Like like you have no idea what you're doing. But Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Right. Right. Seth Stoker: tell me tell me about how that changes when your first one is a a kid who's on the spectrum and you're dealing with a a completely elevated set of challenges. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, I think well, for the longest time I was like, Man, I really messed this up, you know, 'cause we didn't have the diagnosis until he was fifteen. so I was like, Man, I really missed it on this one 'cause my youngest, when I was traveling seventy five percent of the time, he was born to, you know, almost four years old. The years that maybe weren't as important, whereas My eldest, he was in his teenage year he was starting his teenage years. So Seth Stoker: Okay. So much more affected by you being gone. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think so. And that's I always kinda like blame myself. Like I was just you know, I wasn't there for the important time, so now it's done. Like it now I have no shot. You know, and because I was viewing it through the lens of he's normal, he just has ADHD, this is you know, this is it's all on me, right? And When we got that diagnosis, I think it helped all of us. Like it helped him. He was like, okay. And then I started to understand, like, okay, like you kinda have to poke their bubble a little bit if you want them to kind of see. Kinda like you would with like maybe like a three or four year old, right? Like they can live in the world where it's like all about themselves and you know, like anything on the outside is just kinda there. But, you know, with that age group, you're picking them up and you're kind of like forcing them to connect with you and you're taking them with you everywhere because they cannot function on their own, right? Whereas with like somebody who's thirteen, fourteen, it's like you have these expectations like, hey, like you can do this yourself, if you're looking at through a lens of not on the spectrum. But like once we got the diagnosis, it was like, like, okay, it's time to reset and refocus and figure out like How can we support him? How can we get the schools to understand? Okay, like maybe you don't see it, 'cause if you saw him, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't like I've been around kids that are on the spectrum that you know right off the bat. But Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: he has this situation where like you can't. So I feel like helping him like prepare him for the workforce and stuff like that, it's gonna be a little trickier because It's gonna be similar to like when I was parenting him before the diagnosis. Like they're gonna have these expectations of him. And same thing with his teachers, his teachers had those same expectations of him because they could not detect a thing, right? Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but he as they say, passed with f flying colors on that autism test. And yeah, like he, you know, that's it's gonna be a especially a l a little bit difficult because on the outside looking in you cannot Hell, you know, until you start getting into more of a deep conversation, then you start to see the mannerisms and stuff you wouldn't really know right off the bat unless you're paying extra attention. and I didn't know it. I didn't, you know, before the diagnosis, but it was getting worse, right? Like it was getting Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: progressively worse. And I thought I was just messing up more and more and more. I was just like going down this this bad spiral. with my relationship with him. And yeah, I think knowing was where the power was. So like Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: with me having ADHD and it was really bad, especially in high school because like the foods I was eating and all that, we didn't didn't have any information on it. I was just making it worse without knowing it. but once I figured out like what I can eat that won't make it worse and you know when I should be putting my efforts into studying all that stuff, then it then it changed for me. So I was helping him solve a problem that wasn't really the major issue. and then I was getting frustrated by it and you know it that's that's what kind of went down you know that bad path. But but I'm glad we know now and I told him like hey you're not an autistic guy. You just you're you and you just have a special hurdle that you have to get over and news flash, that's true for everybody. Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: It's not an autistic thing to have to deal with a hurdle. Like everybody has their own. Whether it's stage fright Seth Stoker: Right. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: or not being able to hold a conversation, not being able to small talk, not being able to look people in the eyes, like all these things, like you know, or not knowing what you want to do in life, that's not an autistic issue. That's something that happens to everybody, right? So I keep reminding him like he You are you are normal. You just have something other that now you know for sure you have to Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: work around. So that's how we go about it. It's like, hey, we maybe you got that diagnosis, but it's no different. Like, if I had cancer, I'm not a guy with cancer. I'm still me. You know, I'm still who I am. I just have a little bit of a hurdle to go over. Seth Stoker: I think it highlights a big responsibility that we have as fathers, actually. And and I'll I'll share an experience from my family. my 14-year-old son, when he was in like second grade or something like that, I I I can't remember exactly how old he was, but he he struggled a little bit with his speech, like he would mispronounce his R's and stuff like that. Nothing major. but his teacher suggested that he go in for speech therapy. And part of going in for speech therapy is you have to go through the general tests. And one of those tests is an eye test and or the vision test. And and he's doing the thing where you cover one eye and you say the letters and and things like that. And he covers one of his eyes and she's like, Okay, read those letters off to him. And he's like, I can't. And we had no idea. We didn't like this is just something that he dealt with. And and turns out that he had what's called Coates disease, where the capillaries in your pupils leak blood. And create a blockage in your vision. So he had to get some surgeries and and things like that. And anyway, went through went through some really challenging stuff. And his his vision will always be blocked. Like the set he's got some peripheral vis vision out of that eye, but the central vision has a blockage that he's not going to be able to get away from. And we our job still, even though he's got that that he's going to have to deal with, like life's still gonna happen and he's still gonna have to navigate it and go through the challenges. the you know, associated with you know, becoming an adult and and being able to be on his own, and that's always gonna be something that he he deals with. But the fact of the matter is, is our job is to prepare them despite the challenges or the hurdles that you talk about that they're gonna face. Like, like my son is still going to have to have a career. Yeah, even though his vision i is has some challenges and things like that. And so anyway, my point in calling that out is we can't just dwell on and and and I love this because I think you haven't from what it sounds like. Like we can't just dwell on the challenges that our kids are going to face. We give them the tools to be able to overcome that and help them prepare to become adults because they're going to be living a life of their own. So Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Totally. Seth Stoker: I I I I I think that's that's a really great example. I appreciate you sharing that with us, Nav. I want to go back. Let's go way back. Tell us about your dad. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, yeah, no, he yeah, when I think about his background, I just I don't know like it it's crazy, like I I don't know how to relate to it. but basically he, you know, was born and raised in the Fiji Islands. his dad, who I sadly never met because he passed when my dad was fifteen years old, he was a business owner. so had more of that like entrepreneurship mindset. I think that's where I probably got it from. And so my dad kind of got to used to that idea of like, we don't have to be where we are, right? So his vision was always to find his way to the United States. And he did that, I believe he was twenty or twenty-one years old. And yeah, he was able to come here with no education. He didn't even graduate from high school in Fiji. He just went straight to working for his dad and you know, to Seth Stoker: Doing what? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: go basically his dad owned convenience stores in Fiji. So Seth Stoker: Okay. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: so he just went into basically working for him and and back especially back then, graduating high school was not a normal thing for for a guy. just in their culture, it's like you are strong enough to work, you know, so you go work. And whatever that work is, you gotta go do it. because you gotta get married by the time you're twenty years old. my dad Seth Stoker: Hm, wow. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: wasn't I don't I don't think he was that young when he got married. He I think he was twenty-five, twenty-six. but yeah, so that's that's basically what they're preparing you for is to to have a family like quickly. And so for him to come here with no like high school or college degree or anything like that and create the life that he did where he ended up, you know, being very successful at his job. Still successful at it. He's one of the best car salesmen probably ever. I d there were there were times Seth Stoker: Okay. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: where he was ranked in the top ten for car sales just out of a small town where he was competing against guys that were selling in Florida and New York and Boston. and so like he was rivaling their volume. And it was just a testament to like how much people love him and trust him. And to this day, like when I take my son you know, to go visit him. he's he's only appointment you can only get through to him for an appointment. Like he will not he doesn't go around like asking, you know, new people. Like he's already booked for Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: the day. and anytime I've taken my, you know, youngest there to see him, he will like he sees like his grandpa has three customers that he's helping at once. You know? Seth Stoker: Okay. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: so because of how successful he got in that, like he would basically spill that into investing and real estate and and that sort of thing. So like he was just very I don't know, like I don't know where he got that knowledge from, you know, and and Yeah, just crazy story. I always revered him as a kid, but even more so now as an adult and as a dad myself. I just I'm just like, wow, like that is unbelievable circumstances to come from and be able to make it and we're living in nice neighborhoods and you know, a lot of his like siblings are not, you know, and they didn't have the same drive. He helped them all kind of come to the United States, but they didn't do with the same with their opportunities as he did. so just seeing that and him getting to a point where he was so successful, he was helping his siblings, you know, he was helping Seth Stoker: So why do you think why do you think he figured it out, Nav? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I don't know, man. I He's a he is a very driven guy. and I think things even took off for him more when me and my brother were born. because when he first got here he was doing jobs like working at a theater, you know, being you know, working the kitchens of hotels, stuff like that. but you know, he just didn't see that life for himself and he didn't He fully didn't expect to be able to have a family if that was how he was going to, you know, continue on. So, I think he got his big break when he decided, hey, I'm gonna go into sales, you know, and that's that's essentially where everything took off for him. he had to battle some early on, he told me he had to battle a lot of racism. You know, people would just not wanna talk to him and They would call him, you know, every name in the book, and he had to battle through all of that, because he had his family in mind the whole time. You know, and and to me that is like the ultimate, you know, just warrior of a guy. and he was such a strong guy. I anytime there was some crisis or something that most people would panic about, I always saw him how he operated through it. He was so calm. Like everything he just how he processed issues and problems and whatnot. he did it in a very calm manner, made the phone calls he needed to solve the problem. And I just I I think I picked that up from him a lot. Like sometimes when we get into a situation like where I should be probably like like have my hair on fire and my wife is like, Well what's going on? Like why why aren't you reacting? I'm like, I'm gonna solve it though. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: but yeah, no, I don't I I don't truly know like what drove him to do that because it wasn't like he had examples of like his own brothers and sisters doing stuff like that. and his dad passed when he was so young, like but I think he picked up a lot from you know my grandpa and he was just that the guy, I guess. I don't know. He was like the young he was second to the youngest out of eleven kids. but just something deep down inside of him, I think he was just like, I want. I want something better. You know, I know I can do something better and and just never never gave up. Seth Stoker: It's interesting. I I was actually gonna ask you where he fell in the order of his siblings and h him being the second second the youngest. One thing that tells me is probably your grandfather's passing of impacted him. I'm I'm sure it impacted Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: everybody, but he's younger and that always has a a huge impact on on the younger kids. And Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yep. Yep. Seth Stoker: so it sounds like he just kind of had to figure things out on his own, and that translated over from a career perspective. I love the stoicism that you highlight in the sense that like you know, everything's on fire and he's cool, calm, and collected. Well, what else did you learn from him? Like what'd you learn from him about being a dad? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think I learned that I think I learned that you you gotta do whatever you gotta do to give your family a good life. You know, like what that entails is different from generation to generation. like I feel it Seth Stoker: What's a good life, Nav? Giving your family a good life, what does that mean? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, I think for the younger generations, like I think the type of dad their need is what it feels like anyway, is they need dads who are physically present and they that they are introspective and that they do care about the relationship side of it and are willing to go and build, you know, that relationship. And like in our generation, like we needed like I had a more stern dad, like, you know, like you gotta you gotta do well in school. You gotta, you know, get a good job, stuff like that. And and Now it's so different. Like I feel like I'm ha I feel like I'm half brother, half dad to my sons. Because I'm out there with them, like with my eldest, when he started showing interest in Thomas the tank engine, like I I never watched that show. Like when I was a kid, I was a Mr. Rogers guy and a Sesame Street guy. but you know I just got down with him and I started playing with him trains and like you know, even though he was Was on the spectrum. I didn't know it, but he knew every single name of his trains. I was like, my gosh, this is crazy. Like, so like being there, like the side by side aspect. I don't know if they care as much about like living in a good neighborhood, that sort of thing. I don't think they really understand what that is. things like that, like I don't think they need as as much like we are in a nice neighborhood, but I don't think they care. and I think they care more about like what are we doing with dad today, you know? so to me, at least as far as in my parenting, that's what it is. And I and the other thing too is like I feel like they have to see their dad striving to be better. Whereas I Seth Stoker: Mm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: didn't have to see it. I think my mom did a really good job of explaining that to us. Like just really putting our dad on a pedestal and saying, Hey, like this is what like we have because what of what he's doing. You know, and I know I Seth Stoker: Well, Nav | @fatherhoodroars: think when we were younger, I would ask my mom, like, how come I don't get to hang out with dad? you know, and and she would have such a great response that I was like, Okay, you know, I get it. But fast forward, you know, almost forty years later I'm like, yeah, what a what a amazing thing he did for us, you know, to sacrifice that time and and just no matter what, like rain, sun, whatever, like you're he's out there and you know it it's a brutal industry to succeed in as it is, Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: whether you're born here or not. but to see just like you have to be an absolute just you have to be so driven, you know, and I think what he did to provide us a good life is vastly different than what I'm doing, but all in all, like it it has the same impact, just different requirements. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Sounds like a lot of a lot of the teaching that he did was by example and showing you what it means to be a man and provide for your family, to stay calm and and not panic and things like that. Was there anything that you can recall that he deliberately taught you directly? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, he did manage to teach me how to drive. That was fun. Seth Stoker: How'd that go? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: That was fun. It was really good. Like my mom was like so he taught my mom how to drive and apparently like he just like he she told me he was like not patient at all. Like he was just like, What are you doing? you know and all that and and so she prepared me for that. Like, hey, just so you know. you're gonna hear about it if you mess up. And Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: the funny thing is by the time he taught me, he was super patient. Like it would just he he I didn't luckily I didn't make many mistakes, but like because of the advice he was giving me along the way and you know, that I still remember like the parallel parking steps, all that stuff that he showed me. I remember one time I parallel parked downtown and someone actually walked up to me was like, dude, that was a really good parallel parking job, dude. I have never seen that before. Do you have an automated par like no Seth Stoker: Hey when when you get compliments on your parallel parking job, you know you're doing something right. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, exactly. Seth Stoker: That's awesome. Okay, since you brought it up, I'm gonna share a couple quick stories about teaching kids to drive because I've now experienced that with two of my kids. And let me tell you, Nav | @fatherhoodroars: For sure. Seth Stoker: it is an adventure. And so my my my Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: oldest son actually, he he he picked it up pretty in fact, I would say my kids in general picked up driving pretty well. But the funny thing is, is I never talked to my oldest son about how to manage a roundabout. And I it just never crossed my mind and what there were there's one day he's driving and I'm in the passenger side of the truck. I think we're going to the gym or something like that. And he comes up to a roundabout and there's another car already in the roundabout coming coming into where we enter. And he just freaking blows through that, like blows through the yield sign. And and I don't know how, to this day, I don't know how we didn't get hit. But I was just like, Nav | @fatherhoodroars: What? Seth Stoker: what are you doing? And and he just he had no clue, like for whatever reason, just didn't understand how it worked to go through a roundabout. And I'm like, man, as as dads, like we take for granted some of these little things that that we should be teaching them that is easy to just slip through the cracks and and then you realize, okay. Now with with my next kid, I'm gonna do a much better job of of Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: teaching them the things that they need. But I took my daughter on the freeway. She's she's got her learner's permit right now and and she's gonna get her driver's license soon. But didn't have much experience on the freeway. And we're we're we're in my Tesla model three and we're going you know 80 miles an hour or whatever. And she I I'm I'm giving her instructions. Hey, we're gonna switch lanes because we're gonna exit here soon. So check your blind spot. And she goes to check her blind spot. And we didn't talk about the fact that when you check your blind spot, it's it's a quick head check. And Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: she she kind of takes a big long I'm I'm going away from the microphone here, but she she takes a big long look and then the the car starts to kind of drift over to the next lane. And Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: like we almost ran off the road. And like we started to go off the road and I had to reach over and grab the wheel and and some corrective steering started you know, thank goodness for the Tesla, because cause I I thought I thought we were gonna I thought we were gonna roll and and die. So anyway, respect to your dad for staying calm and teaching you to drive because it is Terrifying to have your life at your kids' hand and knowing that they are still learning that stuff. So anyway, just fun stories. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, no, those those are great stories. And that that's I think that's my worst nightmare, what you just described. 'cause I envisioned like teaching each of them. I'm just like, how am I gonna completely let go and let them take the wheel, you know? but yeah, I remember my first time, like we started off in the parking lots of my high school when, you know, it was just nobody there. So it was like, this is fun. And then I remember the first time he was like, Okay, go turn onto the street. I'm like, and then when I got on the street and got on the road, it's like this is fun, you know, like this is this is cool. And then I'm like asking, like, when do I show my signal and all that? And I yeah, I can't believe like he did that and how like I haven't done it yet, but you know, I'm scared. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well, you know what? It is it is kind of an interesting metaphor for fatherhood in the sense that like eventually you're gonna have to just give up the controls and let them make those decisions and they're they hopefully don't make too many mistakes or get you into too bad of a situation, but your job is to prepare them and then they take the wheel and and figure it out from there. So that's Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: yeah, that's a that's a it's it's an adventure for sure. Okay, so let's talk about as as you think about the lessons that you learned from your dad, how do you see that? tell me more about how that is translating into the way that you parent your kids. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: definitely you know, working on being the example. because I am in front of them, they can see like, you know, they can see everything. They can see my flaws, they can see if I'm not pushing myself, you know, then they will see it. So it's a lot of like if I want them to do something, I've gotta do it too. Like if if You know, my youngest son has aspirations of going very far with baseball and you know if I just explained to him like, Hey, you've gotta do these things, you know, outside of your practices, this is how you gotta work your body, these are the types of skills you need to have, this is the kind of food you need to eat. Then guess what? I gotta be in the gym with him. I gotta be eating the right foods in front of him, I gotta be you know, I have to do the things that I'm saying he should do. I can't be the guy that's like, you know, hey, like, you know, drink milk and I'm, you know, I have a bottle of Hedesty next to me, you know, or I'm smoking a cigarette or, you know, or I'm just slacking on doing something, you know, like I I can't expect him to follow along without the example, you know, and I think that's the biggest thing my dad, you know, like observing him was You know, I think what I saw was like just a man who was who gave everything he had each day, you know, and when he was home he was exhausted. And to me that was like okay, like when it's my turn I I have to pour everything I have into it too, you know, and and the days won't be easy, the challenges were you know, be will be there, right? life is gonna come at ya, right? But I think that's the biggest thing is just reminding myself, hey, like I am more there's more exposure to me, you know, and I have to be I have to be what I'm asking them to be. Seth Stoker: Yeah, nothing kills your credibility. Like do as I say, not as I do. Right. Like you have to be Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: in there with them, showing them. they're so much more likely. And and I even think about like chores. There's so many times when I would tell my kids when they were younger, go clean your room. And they had no idea what go clean your room looks like, right? Like Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, yeah. Seth Stoker: But if I go in there and I say, all right, first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna make your bed. And the next thing we're gonna do is we're gonna pick up all the clothes, you know, whatever. And I've I've failed mightily at getting my kids to clean their room. But but I if I could go back and do it over again, I would invest that time in whatever it is that I'm teaching them to actually be there with them, doing it with them, showing them step by step how to do it. Same same same thing as Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Okay. Seth Stoker: the roundabout, right? Like taking the time to make sure they understand every little thing that's expected of them. rather than just saying, Go figure it out. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Totally. Seth Stoker: You can say that after you show but you gotta show first. So how's your relationship Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Right, right, absolutely. Seth Stoker: with your dad now? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Amazing. yeah, I mean he's he's just a support for me and he's just he's a hero to my gr my son as well, you know, and you know, I I talk about all the stories about what he had to do to make our lives good and pass it down to you know, to him basically and it's really fun getting to see him, you know. interact with my son and my younger son and they're just they've bonded so much 'cause they have a lot of just really common interests and yeah, and he gets away with murder. Like I don't think I would have gotten away with anything that he he doesn't says. So that that part Seth Stoker: Nice. Nice. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: of it's really cool just to you know just to see that, you know, and see it kinda Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: come full circle and any time I see them like you know, ho yeah, putting their arms over each other or whatever, I have to snap a photo of that because it's like the that's probably like peak for me. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well, well, let's get really practical here. With your kids, obviously health is a huge push for you. So if I'm a new dad, I'm like, okay, cool. What are you feeding them? Like, how are you going about this? So why don't you get real specific? Like, how do you guys structure their diets? What do you allow them to eat? What do you prevent them from eating? You know, how mu how much leeway do you give them? Let's talk through that. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, that that's great, great question. So I try to operate with like an eighty twenty type of rule, like eighty percent of the time, eat clean, do the right stuff. but like let's say you get invited to a birthday party, you know, I know it's gonna be super weird if he's like no to the cake, no to the cupcake and stuff like that. So I'm just like, you know what? You can have the cupcake. Don't have like the candies, the little candies with the dyes in it, because that's like no no good in our household. but you know it's funny to see him at those birthday parties because he'll have like two cupcakes in his hand just double fisting, you know, and and Seth Stoker: Ha ha. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: so he takes full advantage of those situations. But Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I tell him, you know what, if to to earn those, you have to have the discipline before, right? Like you have to Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: take care of yourself, it's your body. I'm giving you the advice, but it's your body, you know, and if you want to perform the way you act like you wanna perform and you wanna outlast the other guys on the field, then guess what? You gotta do the things they're not doing. You know, and yeah. Seth Stoker: Yeah, you got big goals, so you gotta be more disciplined than the next the guy next to you, right? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's cool the thing about sports is it's all right in front of your face. Right? Seth Stoker: Yep. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Like when you get into the job world, you're not necessarily competing against somebody right in front of your face. You're competing against the other million resumes. Right. And the other people applying for the promotion and you don't know what they're doing exactly to to get to that spot. But like in in sports you can physically see who is working beyond practice and who's not. Seth Stoker: Yep. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: You can see who's taking care of their the their health and who's not. You can see like all of these things are right in your face. Who's drinking the water? you know, like whenever we go to a team, like a dinner or something like that, he's the kid ordering the milk. Everybody else is ordering the bright blue soda or the milkshake and and whatnot. And and I do let him have ice cream. Like there is a brand, drawn a blank right now on the brand of the ice cream but it's all like really good ingredients. It's only like five ingredients in it. Ice cream for bears. and and his Seth Stoker: okay. Haven't heard of that one. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: yeah his favorite flavor is the vanilla and I'll he can have that every day because it's just all real real ingredients. And Seth Stoker: Mm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: the timing of it is basically before his practices, right? So he has a practice almost every day of the week whether it's soccer or baseball or basketball. So he can have some before then but nothing after. So he'll burn that out. by the time we get back home, he'll have a a dinner that's you know, home cooked. Thankfully my wife is a great cook and you know, she makes great, you know, healthy foods that taste really good and so it makes it a little bit easier for him to go on that plan. And then after like any kind of practice or anything like that, like, hey, you need to put something good in your body. So like I'll have You know, like I'll have some milk mixed with protein, chuck protein, it's all whole food stuff in there, a little bit of whole food creatine in there as well just to help with recovery and bone growth and and and brain health and all that good stuff. but Seth Stoker: It sounds like it it sounds like your family is similar to mine in the sense that we try to eat at home a lot. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: But I I think for our audience, I I think this is a good thing to call out. How much harder is it to eat in a nutritious way that's healthy for your body when you're eating out, even if you're going to, you know, a restaurant that's considered a a healthy restaurant? How much easier is it to do that at home than it is to when you go out? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: infinitely easier. because most restaurants like they want their food to last so they're they're preparing foods that are built to last forever. Right? Like Seth Stoker: Yep. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: built to survive the trip from you know from Massachusetts to California. You know and so like if we do go out a lot of times we'll go to like a local just like a local based restaurant. It makes it a little bit easier but still, you know, they're they're operating on profit margins too. so you know, like it's not like it's gonna be totally great, but it won't necessarily be like the microwave stuff that you might get at Olive Garden or something like that. And and they also feel the difference, right? Like if we go out to eat, a lot of times they don't want to do anything afterwards, but like if we eat Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: at home, it's like let's go, let's go do something, let's go walk, you know, and so they feel the difference, we notate it, like I make sure they understand, like, hey. What did you have? What did you eat that's making you feel this way? Because you shouldn't. Like you should be getting s more energized from something you consume. Not not feeling like you need to go take a nap on the floor. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: so yeah, like we are but we've done it s long enough now where it's not really there isn't a whole lot of work, you know, like to make sure that, you know, they're eating healthy and whatnot. Like it's just that's just what we do, you know, the The temptations are not in our house. That helps Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: because a lot like I think a lot of people speak to like having moderation, but like some of those foods are designed to make you not want to stop eating them, you know, Seth Stoker: Yep. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: and kind of like a Doritos, like you won't stop eating until you're just ready to like, you know, for it to come out pretty much. Seth Stoker: Exactly. Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: and you know, so I think it's really good, like, because they're eating real foods, they know when they're really not Hungry anymore, right? Like all their hunger hunger Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: signals are right. my younger son is still going through like a lot of gross spurts and stuff. So, like, you know, when he's hungry, he's hungry, right? And so we Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: just make sure we have food ready to just prepare and and give to him right away because he's he's gonna mow it down. but yeah, we we're pretty intentional as far as like what they're putting in their bodies most of the time, right? Like real let we'll every now and then we'll cut let them cut loose, you know, and and you know have the milkshake, have the cupcake or whatever, but you know, those things are kinda earned, you know, and Seth Stoker: Yeah. Love it. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: you know, so that's that's how we go about it. Seth Stoker: So when we originally talked, one of the things that you said is you started your TikTok and started creating content because you saw some misses by you know, potentially other parents and and and people like that on the sidelines with with their kids. And sports is such a great teacher. Like there's huge opportunities to teach your kids in sports. And so let's set the diet piece aside. What else are you seeing that you felt strongly about in creating content around FAB? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, I think some things that jumped out to me over the past few years are just like dads who do have a, you know, significant athletic background, but their kids just don't listen to like at all. and so it kinda made me wonder like, why does my son listen to me? 'Cause I don't have that. You know, I didn't play baseball I didn't actually play baseball at all. I played soccer and basketball. So why is my son listening to me? and I remember this conversation that I had with him wasn't necessarily sports related but it was just life related but it helped out a lot in sports was just letting them him know like hey you need at least one person in your life that's gonna call you out on your BS. You know, like the one person in your life that is going to tell you the truth no matter what. Right? Like if you put on an outfit and it looks awful, not saying that I've ever done this to my kids, but like Just an example, like like if if I had a friend, if I put something out that was like, dude, probably need to go change or something, like you need that guy in your corner, you know what Seth Stoker: Yeah, tell me. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I mean? Yeah, yeah, dude, like don't let me have a piece of food hanging out of my mouth for a half hour, you know? That kind of thing. Like, hey, you need someone in your corner and explain kind of like the reasoning behind it and and whatnot, giving the examples and then asking for permission. I think that's what I did that I I didn't know what I was doing at the time that was gonna impact for years down the road. But like I asked him, like, hey, can I be that guy for you? You know, I think I can help because I I'm doing a lot of research, you know, and just using baseball as a as an example. Like I didn't know anything about baseball, but his love for it made me go, Okay, I need to figure out I need to figure this out. so I started following like reputable coaches and people who've been in that world. and started teaching him things that now like his coaches right now are teaching him. So he kinda sees that, okay, like maybe dad knows what he's talking about. but yeah, ultimately it just came down to like, hey, can I be that guy for you? Like so whenever I am working with him and it's dad and son time and we're figuring things out together, it is it is it's like, hey, we're figuring this out together. I don't care if you make mistakes because I honestly, if you don't make mistakes, we don't have a lesson plan, first of all. we don't know what to work on. and if you're not making mistakes, you're not trying hard enough, right? So like just reframing the idea of what failure is too, I think that helped because now it's like he can tell me something, not feel like I'm gonna judge him or you know, and that sort of thing. So like that's initially, yeah. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well, Nav, that's such a great tool to use though. And you probably didn't even realize how powerful that was at the time. But by getting permission to be that person for them, they understand the why behind the correction that you're giving them rather than them feeling like, I'm never going to be good enough for dad. Right. I think there's plenty of people who feel that way, but the dad's intent is pure. Like, I want Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: to help you reach your potential. And so to do that, I'm going to have to correct you. But if you say, hey, can I be that guy for you? Now they have this trust that, hey, dad's correcting me because I know that the reason I'm getting corrected is so that I can be better. And I've got these goals to reach, and somebody has to help me get there. And that means pointing out, you know, my my weaknesses and and and holes that need to be plugged and everything like that on the on the way up. And and I think that's our job. And By doing that, by by saying, Can I be that guy for you? It's a Jedi mind trick. Now now you've got permission to correct them all you want. I think that's awesome. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, he takes it. He takes it. I mean, 'cause Seth Stoker: Yep, I bet. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I've I give him the good too. Like I if he does something right, I let him Seth Stoker: Yes. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: know, right? And I think that's a missing part too. Like I I've seen and heard what parents will say, both moms and dads will say to their kids after a game or wh when they mess up or they it feels like it's more embarrassment for the parent that their child is is messing up rather than just like For what it is. Nobody cares that the kid is messing up. It's just the parent, right? And there is, you know, there are some parodies about how those parents react. And it's not sadly, it's not far from reality. You know, I've heard some crazy things that people have said to their kids, even to the point where now like people are threatening to fight the umpires because they feel like their kid got you know screwed over or something like that. And they're taking it so personally. That now they're teaching their kids how to respond when they feel like they were treated unfairly. And it's just it's unbelievable what I've seen out there. But yeah, you know, just Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: to have that permission to have that relationship with him, I also let him call me out too. I think that's another thing, is like, hey, if I'm doing something that is not right or something that's affecting you in a way, you need to call me out too, right? And if I'm Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: not teaching you in the way that you enjoy, if I'm not I don't want this to carry on for years, I would rather resolve it right now. You know, so like giving him that power as well, it's like this is not a one way thing. Which Seth Stoker: We're on the same team. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: exactly. Yeah. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah, I love that. All right, I got two more things to throw at you. Put you on the spot here a little bit. What do you feel like is the most important thing that a father needs to teach his kids? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Probably How to navigate adversity. Seth Stoker: Tell me more. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: 'Cause it's gonna happen. You're gonna fail, you're gonna mess up, things are gonna happen that you didn't plan for. So how to process what is happening, devise a plan around it, and remain calm through and through. I think that's the most important thing. And that that I think youth sports helps with that a lot. It makes it just so much more in your face. It accelerates that process. Seth Stoker: Nav, I think most parents, most parents ask the question at one point or another, how on earth do I teach resilience? Because resilience is like that, that's it. How you respond to adversity is like if we want to build tough, capable kids, the number one thing that you have to teach them is resilience. So I I I think you're spot on, but how on earth do we do it? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think what's worked for my especially my younger son because I've definitely my first you know helped me kind of realize a lot of these things and then I was able to apply it to my you know my ten year old but I think reframing what failure is what making a mistake is it's not your identity the mistake is not your identity it's information right failure is information. I always tell my son, like, I don't care if you mess up, I don't care if you strike out five times in a game. I don't care if you are pitching and you hit the batter, you know, 15 times in a row. I don't care. because all that is is just tells us what we have to work on and improve on. That's it. That's Seth Stoker: Yeah. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: all it is. and that kind of goes into life like when he's observing People not acting in a certain way in his school, right? We've had to deal with guys that are bullies and how they treat other people and and you know, so like you can talk to me about all that stuff. Like, I'm not gonna get mad. If you get in trouble, I'm not gonna get mad. It's just information, you know. So like I think and I I mentioned this about my dad, was just observing how he handled situations that didn't go the right way. made it so I was kind of the same way for my kids, like, Hey, like, no big deal. We'll just do this. It's not a big deal, you know? Seth Stoker: I like how you talk about redefining failure. I heard a story of a dad who would sit down with his kids at dinner every night and would say, What did you fail at today? And just making the conversation around failure a positive thing. Because what that means is what did you try? You Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Yeah. Seth Stoker: know, you you gave something a shot and it didn't work. So what? Something will hit, right? And so Nav | @fatherhoodroars: Exactly. Exactly. Seth Stoker: so I I love that concept and The last thing that I want to ask you is, I try to ask this to as many dads as I can, but 50 years down the road, when you know you're you're long gone, what do you want your legacy to be as a dad? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think I would love for them for them to look back and say, Hey, my dad prepared me for this thing called life. And he was pretty fun. Seth Stoker: Love it. Love it. Why? Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I think that's just our job. I think our job is to show how fun life can be and to prepare them. Right? If it's not adversity happening in their in their school life or, you know, athletics or whatever, it's not if it's not happening there, how do we introduce adversity in a way where they can learn? You know? because yeah, as we know as men, right, like life is not easy and there are a lot of expectations on us. A lot of men don't know how to express when they are going through things. sometimes we don't feel like we have permission to do so. we have to appear strong. So there are a lot of guys out there that appear like they have it all together, but they're wondering what what are they gonna do today? What are they gonna do tomorrow? Like how how are they gonna take care, like am I are we doing the right things? Are we taking care of our kids? Are we preparing them for this exact battle. so it'd be cool if if they just looked back and said, Hey, you know what? Maybe dad gave us a little bit of a hard time sometimes, but man, if that didn't happen, this would be a lot harder. Seth Stoker: Well, Nav, thanks for teaching us today. I think there's a lot of things that we can take away from the conversation and really appreciate you taking the time. Nav | @fatherhoodroars: I appreciate too and love loved hearing the stories from you as well. Seth Stoker: Thank you. Huge thanks to Nav for another great conversation. Thanks so much for listening. What I want to leave you with in that conversation is the fact that Nav had a dad who sacrificed a ton and worked really hard to take good care of his family. And now Nav is turning around and doing that exact same thing while building upon what his dad taught him. He's there, present with his kids, deliberately teaching them the things that he knows they need to be successful in life and to be good humans. I want challenge you to do the same. If you enjoyed the podcast, once again, please share it with your network. Share it with a father who needs to hear it. I'd love to get this in front of as many fathers as I can. New episodes are going to continue to come out weekly. I shoot for Tuesday night, Wednesday, and I'll continue to do so and excited to continue on this journey with you. As always, don't sleepwalk through fatherhood. Be daddical.