Latest / Living Uncertain an OCD Podcast / How OCD Went From Running Their Marriage to Sitting in the Back Seat (OCD)(Episode 34)
Transcript
- Opening: Hello, and welcome to the podcast, Living Uncertain. This podcast is dedicated to obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD, and the primary treatment, exposure response prevention, ERP. OCD comes in many forms, such as contamination, perfectionism, checking, harm, superstitious, religious or moral, sexual orientation, and or relationship. ERP is the gold standard to treating OCD. and it focuses on deliberately confronting fears, the exposure, while refraining from compulsive rituals, the response prevention. With repeated exposures and without engaging in compulsions, we learn to tolerate anxiety and break the cycle of intrusive thoughts. We are a married couple that have faced both the challenges of OCD and the incredible healing that ERP can provide to your marriage, family, and your home. As a person who lives with OCD, I am much more than this diagnosis. We all can be. Marc & Stacee: Hi y'all, it's Stacy. And along with my husband, Mark, we want to thank you for living uncertain with us again. Welcome to episode 34. We're so excited to be here for a 34th episode and so excited to share more of our journey with with you all. As y'all know by now, this is the podcast that talks all things OCD and ERP related. And we've talked a lot about what we're gonna chat about this episode over this last week, Mark and I. Because we feel like we've covered a lot in the last 33 episodes and talked a lot about the different types of OCD that I present with and the ERP that we've been through and what that's meant for our marriage and our family. And it's been such a cathartic, humbling. meaningful task for us to be able to share our story in podcast form. And we're just so excited to keep doing that. And really hope that we are building to be part of this community of those of us who have OCD and what we're doing to to help break the cycle of impul of compulsions. And those of us who love someone with OCD, whether you're a spouse or a parent or a or another relative, friend, loved one, et cetera. Just trying to get more information or more exactly. Knowledge base. Trying to take the opportunity to really help support this community. And that's really what means the most to Mark and I. And we're just so thrilled to to continue doing that. And so it's worth saying that we are a lot's going on in our household right now. And a lot has been going on in our household. And And that's to say that most people would feel the same. You know, we've talked about being middle aged. We have two teenage children. Lots going on. Six pets. Six pets. Goodness gracious, how the heck did we do that? Six pets and a couple of them are starting to become elderly. They're grumpy. That doesn't help. So grumpy. And I just think that a lot of us can get challenged and overwhelmed with the things that happen in life. And when you have something like OCD, those challenges can ramp up a notch. And so it's worth saying that we feel like we've made some progress. And and we are in a situation right now where, as y'all know before, Mark had to have eye surgery. He is going in tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, he has to have a second surgery. And it will be kind of a rinse and repeat situation of his first. And he'll be down again. And as y'all know, when he was down the first time, I had to carry the responsibility of the family, which was something that I had not done a lot of before. And I was scared because it was new and it was uncertain. But I knew I could do it and I wanted to do it. And so I I Created some exposures for myself while he was down. I created opportunities for me to continue growing and healing and and doing all of the good things. And now this go-around, I don't feel scared. Well, I feel ready. And I'll let you know, both go arounds, I I wasn't worried the first time around either about all the stuff that you were gonna have to pick up and do. I was. I know you were. Yeah. But I think, you know, you're the one that has the O C D and you self doubt yourself a lot. Sure. You know, you question. Mm-hmm. And I didn't I didn't have those doubts that I think you did. Well, it was interesting. You brought something up this week and I thought it was it was great for us to to kind of bring up in this episode, which is that I would have Or before I went through intensive treatment, before I even knew that what I was going through was OCD, if a situation like this would have come up, I would have had essentially a meltdown. A pretty good one. Yeah. And I wouldn't have seen it that way. I would have just seen it as trying to keep up with getting everything coordinated and working it all out. But I've never really seen it from Mark's perspective, which is that he was the one. Taking on all the responsibility to take it all off of my shoulders. He was the one. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. He was the one mitigating any crisis that he could anticipate or foresee that would cause me more anxiety. And I see now that those meltdowns were panic, anxiety from not knowing, from having. To be uncertain from having to sit in discomfort, not knowing what was gonna happen next and not being able to do that. And I always thought it was just lack of self-confidence. I think I thought that too for a long time. That's what it looked like for me. Like yeah, I mean, I knew you could drive. I've seen you do it before. You know, but then I thought it was just a lack of self confidence. Sure. And then as I've revealed in another episode, that my need for checking. often interfered with my ability to be a safe driver, which then caused me to shy away from driving for a long time. And I don't now. And I'm I'm l able to look at what tomorrow and the next week will bring with a sort of peace and and confidence that I never thought I would have. And that idea that I can go into a chaotic Uncertain, possibly uncomfortable situation, and take the the bulk of the responsibility on myself and not fear a meltdown or a panic attack or looping thoughts or intrusive thoughts or or compulsions. I think I'm feeling hopefully empowered. Yeah, that's a great word. I love that word. I I was gonna say I'm feeling somewhat of a satisfaction. In knowing that I have taken this thing, this obsessive-compulsive disorder thing, and I've gotten help, help that I needed. I've had support, overwhelming support. I've kept myself accountable. I've welcomed other people keeping me accountable. We've made the changes. We've maintained a lot of the changes, even though some things come up, then my OCD takes hold and And I have to deal with those. And I know they're gonna come up and it's okay. And I'm gonna deal with them when they do. But to know that I can go forward in life without feeling like everything has to end up a meltdown. And I'm putting all of this pressure and all of the responsibility and all of this need for Mark to even, like he just said, mitigate any crisis he could foresee so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. So then I wouldn't have to feel any more. anxious or pain than I already was. I should be a really good chess player. Cause I was trying to anticipate every you should move. That's terrible. I don't know. I don't think you should announce that. I mean our kid can beat me now. Yeah. You should practice more. Yeah. I mean once you can see. Just see what I did there with your cause you can't still can't see. No. Yeah. We got to get your vision back. And that's been, you know, for me, that's been frustrating. And I know a lot of stuff has still been on your plate because of it as well. It has been. And I will say that before the intensive treatment, before the ERP, et cetera, there was a lot of things that frustrated Mark. And he couldn't express that because expressing his frustration or his anxiety about something would only f fuel yours. Fuel mine, which would then be bad for all of us, including our children. And so you having to take on all of that and then suppress anything else that you were feeling. I mean, that that puts me in a real thoughtful place where I have a lot of guilt and remorse over all of that. And even though we didn't know that I was dealing with O C D or how to combat it like we do now, it still makes me feel somewhat Bad. I mean, there's just no other word to describe it. It just makes me feel bad that you've had to shoulder so much and take on so much. And to be feeling finally like you're equal in our marriage and in our family and our household. Which has been really nice. Again. You know, like today, you know, when I found out that I was gonna have to go through surgery again, calling you up, I I wasn't worried about. Trying to to figure out all of the moves that needed to happen. I called you up and said, Hey Nurse Stacey. You know, that that was my joke to I knew it's just get her ready to As soon as you said that too, I went, I don't I don't really love that one. So let's what what are you doing here? But yeah. But you know, tomorrow morning I'll get it done and Yeah. And we worked through the moves that we needed to make today. Yeah. Together. And even I feel comfortable stepping up and making the moves. And I would have never done that before. And there is a certain like it is empowering and it there is a certain sense of satisfaction. Those are great words to use in knowing that the hard work that we've done is paying off now. It's not perfect. It'll never be perfect. But except I'd like it to be. But big events like this though can happen. Yeah. It just my brain is wired a little differently now, maybe a lot differently now, since I've been through intensive treatment and I've been through the ERP. And and things like this that we'll go through, they don't scare me anymore. It doesn't worry me anymore. It doesn't make me just want to crawl under the table and loop in thoughts and ruminate and have to to have all of these compulsions, mostly mental, in order to get through it. It's not how I operate most of the time anymore. Yeah. OCD has become it's a back seat driver now instead of the primary driver in my car. But it still likes to drive every now and then. It does. But hey, you know the analogy guy like mine? I know. I do like it. Thank you. Appreciate it. Like little like in the nineteen hundreds. When you were little? Yes. Excellent. Nineteen eighties type of thing. And you know, back in the day when my you know, my dad would be driving the back roads, you know, around our neighborhood and he'd let me so called drive. I would sit on the center console and hold the steering wheel. You know. Yes. That's driving. Right. That's what O C D does for you sometimes. It grabs hold of those steering wheels. And then seat next to me and likes to grab a hold of the steering wheel. You're absolutely right. Look at you. Did you just out analogy me? I did. Did I say that right? Yeah. I don't know. It's fine. Yes, I did I Y'all get it, right? Y'all y'all get that. You know us well enough by now. It is though exciting. And so if that's something that we can leave this episode with in that idea that OCD is hard. OCD is a thief and a liar and a challenge. And and we've discussed all of this before. We we know all of this. And if you can take that first step to get the gold standard of therapy for it, which is ERP. And start those exposures, even though that's hard to it gets easier. And to be able for me to step back and say, I picked my hard. And I rather would have a temporary challenge with exposures, knowing it leads to something much greater on the other side. I have a question for you. okay. Did you ever name your OCD? Seriously? Is that what we're gonna talk about now? No, I'm just curious. Yes, I wrote a letter to it. I think I did that in an episode. I think you did. One of the one of the amazing techniques that our therapist had me do was write what she called an empty chair letter. And essentially it it is a it is an actual therapeutic technique where there are prompts that you answer and fill the blank fill in the blank and it kind of turns into a letter that you would want to give to someone. Or maybe not give to someone someday. And in that chair was my O C D. And so I did. I named it. You wanna share that name? I I can share it. Well with this, now with this, y'all will come a very big opinion of mine. And it may be a hot take and an unpopular opinion. And you know what? You know, sometimes that the people pleasing part of me doesn't like that. So this is he's putting me on the spot here to be a non people pleaser right now. The reason why I wanna know, like I wanna know if Other people have named their I would love to know that. And they you should. Once you've named it, you give it it it's it feels like it takes away some of the power, perhaps. Anyway, I've named mine avatar. And he's red. And I do not like the color red. The color red is not my favorite. And my apologies to James Cameron, but Avatar is You're gonna make me say it. Her favorite. It's my n no. It's one of my least favorite movies of all time. I don't like it. Mark loves it, watches it all the time. I don't like it. Titanic is far superior movie by Mr. James Cameron, in my opinion. But anyway, I named it this because it's something that's a challenge. It's something I don't like. So I named it something else I don't like. And it works for me. Yours can be named whatever you want it to be. But honestly, for us to just be able to share all of these little nuggets of information and little pieces of our story, like I don't think we've ever shared that before. So that's good. I appreciate that, babe. That's a good question. I'd just like to know from other people. Well, and that's and we talk a lot about that. Like we want to know stories. We want to know what you think. we wanna be a place where you can feel safe and supported in sharing your story, sharing your struggles. And because we've had them too. And you're not alone. And we want to make sure that y'all feel that way. Or don't feel that way. But yes. Yeah. So if you name your O C D, tell us. We would love to see. We would love to hear what it is. And why? Why you named it that? That's true. You know, you you said why you named yours. Well you did. Yes. I mean you gave it a color, you gave it a I did. You know. Yikes. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I it's not easy for me to share my opinions either because that's the people pleasing piece of me. So to to Because our therapist loves the movie Avatar Two. But she's never seen it. She let me sit with that though. Y'all, she let me sit with that for a while. I can't believe it. She made me believe when I told her I didn't like the movie, she goes, my gosh, that's my favorite movie. Do you know that the discomfort of having to sit in that, having a different opinion than of all people? My beloved therapist. That was a that was an exposure all in itself. I'm surprised we went back. She probably is too. But we did. And we will keep going back because what we have gained is unbelievably amazing. And we owe a lot of that to her. So we know she listens. So that's a total shout out. You've just changed everything for us in all the best ways. And we're so grateful. So if you're out there and you wanna come on and share your story or you know, your spouse wants to come on and share their struggles or their, you know, highlights too. We both of you can't. You know, we would love to to hear from you and and schedule a time for you to come on and share your your story. And I know this episode's a little bit shorter today. You know, we're kind of getting ready for tomorrow's, you know, surgery day, and that's been sprung on us later in the afternoon. So we're trying to get some things coordinated. Yeah. Something's coordinated before we have to get up early in the morning and go and do that. So I wanna thank everybody for listening and continuing to support us. You know, that's means a lot when we It really does. You know, we we see that you're you're listening. We're so appreciative of all of the listeners and and everyone who's taken an interest in in this podcast of ours and we're just Hoping to have many, many more episodes where we can continue sharing our journey and really bring bring forth others' journeys as well. Absolutely. Until next time, y'all. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Thank you for joining us on today's episode and Living Uncertain with us. We are not therapists and this podcast is intended to provide information and support. It should not replace traditional means of seeking help from a licensed mental health professional. If you like this episode or would like to hear more, please like, subscribe or share with someone you think may benefit. Here at Living Uncertain, we're building a community of support. If you and your significant other would like to share your story, we would love to have you on the podcast. Please click on the link in the episode description and fill out the interest form.