Latest / The imuRgency Room / The 'Traditional Man' Doesn't Exist

Transcript

The 'Traditional Man' Doesn't Exist · The imuRgency Room

• 0:00
  The traditional man does not and should not exist anymore.
• 0:02
  You cannot ask for stay at home wifey privileges if you don't
• 0:05
  have stay at home wifey money. And despite whatever dating
• 0:07
  content you may be seeing online about wanting or wanting to be a
• 0:11
  traditional man, the. Man, that'll Take Me Out,
• 0:13
  encourage me to be a better person, things of that nature.
• 0:15
  The world that we're living in makes it abundantly clear that
• 0:18
  the traditional man that we're all seemingly looking for is
• 0:21
  nothing more than a boogeyman of the past.
• 0:22
  Because nothing about our current society is traditional.
• 0:25
  You have to be fit. You have to be worldly, well
• 0:28
  spoken, and be able to be articulate in a conversation to
• 0:30
  communicate because a woman is really going to need
• 0:32
  communication because it's going to get emotional.
• 0:34
  You got a few minutes. Let me explain.
• 0:35
  I'm looking for a traditional man.
• 0:37
  The traditional man, or just traditionalism in general is
• 0:40
  something that you hear a lot in online dating discourse nowadays
• 0:43
  and this yearn for traditionalism is coming from
• 0:45
  both sides. It's coming from men saying that
• 0:47
  they hold traditional values and are looking for a traditional
• 0:49
  partner themselves. Oftentimes with that meaning
• 0:51
  that they expect a certain level of obedience from their partners
• 0:55
  and that they expect a traditional division of Labor.
• 0:57
  With that usually meaning that the man basically just goes to
• 0:59
  work, takes care of finances, and the woman does the cooking,
• 1:02
  cleaning, emotional labor, and pretty much everything else.
• 1:04
  And we'll unpack that later because there is a lot that goes
• 1:06
  into that and there's actually a lot of media representation of
• 1:09
  that and the flaws in some of that and some recent shows like
• 1:11
  Euphoria and Pop the Balloon that add a little nuance to
• 1:14
  this. But we also see a sort of
• 1:15
  yearning for a traditional man from women, which is actually a
• 1:18
  different kind of man than the man that men are saying are
• 1:21
  traditional. Does that make sense?
• 1:22
  I don't know. OFT times associating a
• 1:24
  traditional man with a sense of stability, a sense of leadership
• 1:27
  and confidence both financially and emotionally.
• 1:30
  The online discourse about wanting a traditional man
• 1:31
  because having one allegedly allows women to live in their
• 1:34
  divine feminine and be just a girl.
• 1:36
  Well, I'm here to say that I believe that both sides are a
• 1:38
  little misguided in what they believe a traditional man to be.
• 1:42
  Because again, I do not believe, especially for Gen.
• 1:44
  Z, that the traditional man exists anymore, nor do I feel
• 1:48
  like he necessarily should. It's no secret that we exist at
• 1:51
  a time right now where things like conservatism and
• 1:53
  traditionalism are on a rise. Wanting to get back to the good
• 1:56
  old days is in fashion right now and we've seen that play out in
• 1:59
  many different areas. One of the areas that is
• 2:01
  especially interesting to me is in dating.
• 2:03
  We see things like trad wives and trad lives trending on
• 2:06
  TikTok with people romanticizing traditional gender roles like
• 2:08
  the woman staying home and being in the kitchen and taking care
• 2:10
  of the kids and cooking the meals.
• 2:12
  But like yasifying it to make it seem like it's something that's
• 2:14
  progressive and like your own choice when reality is just
• 2:17
  repackage misogyny. You have content geared towards
• 2:18
  men talking about how they should be providers, alphas and
• 2:21
  high value. Essentially broifying misogyny
• 2:23
  even more so that men can play out the role of being the boss.
• 2:26
  And in my opinion, this is all just gender LARping.
• 2:28
  And there's actually sources to back this up.
• 2:30
  According to a study connected by the BBCA study that surveyed
• 2:32
  23,000 people worldwide shows that as many as 31% of men in
• 2:36
  their teens and 20s believed that a wife should always obey
• 2:39
  her husband, while 13% of older men aged 60 and over agreed with
• 2:43
  the same statement. The findings show that in a lot
• 2:44
  of ways, women's rights are being rolled back and public
• 2:47
  attitudes towards women's rights are unfortunately going in the
• 2:49
  wrong direction. According to Penny E, chief
• 2:51
  executive of UK based women's rights organization The Fawcett
• 2:55
  Society and her view, a contributing factor to changing
• 2:57
  attitudes is the shocking levels of misogyny both online offline
• 3:00
  that boys are exposed to. Just in the way that young men
• 3:03
  are being taught that the way to happiness is wealth, cars, girls
• 3:06
  and physical strength. There are women being taught
• 3:07
  that the way to happiness is a really traditional idea of
• 3:10
  femininity. Going further to say that some
• 3:11
  of that is trad wife staying in the kitchen, aesthetically
• 3:13
  pleasing content, but there's a darker side to that which is
• 3:16
  about subservience. If the man is providing, does he
• 3:18
  therefore rule the home? She asked rhetorically.
• 3:20
  It just feels like things are going in the wrong direction, he
• 3:22
  says, adding that it's affecting both the young men and young
• 3:26
  women. And this brings me more
• 3:27
  specifically as to why I believe that traditional men, or if you
• 3:31
  will, just don't exist. I think these men are forgetting
• 3:38
  the other half of the bargain, which is if you want a woman who
• 3:41
  is going to be a traditional, a traditional wife who's going to
• 3:45
  do all your cooking, cleaning, whatever, you have to take care
• 3:48
  of her. You have to be able to afford
• 3:51
  all of the bills because she's not going to be working like
• 3:54
  she's going to stay at home and take care of your house.
• 3:56
  That's what a traditional housewife does.
• 3:59
  Because when you think about the concept of a traditional man in
• 4:01
  the sense that a lot of people imply, it is a man that is
• 4:04
  married with kids that's able to provide for their whole family.
• 4:06
  They exude this feeling of masculinity and confidence and
• 4:09
  are able to just like walk in and rule any room that they live
• 4:11
  in. And I don't know if this is news
• 4:12
  to you, but like it is very hard, if not impossible to have
• 4:16
  any of that in the current world that we live in.
• 4:18
  Like, let's just unpack the economic peace for a second.
• 4:20
  In what world can average person on a single salary provide for
• 4:23
  an entire family? I'll wait.
• 4:28
  I'll wait. I'm sorry but what the hell does
• 4:30
  it mean for a man to lead a household?
• 4:32
  Like what does that actually mean?
• 4:35
  Have you seen the video of the woman?
• 4:37
  She's been married for like about a year and she's talking
• 4:40
  about how her husband is the leader of the house but she
• 4:43
  manages everything and how she's trying to figure out, since
• 4:47
  she's an assertive woman and her husband is not quite assertive,
• 4:52
  how this dynamic should work for them and how he should lead the
• 4:55
  household. A lot of Gen.
• 4:57
  Z men who claim that like I want a trad wife, I want my wife to
• 5:01
  be a stay at home mom. Like, you know, all these, you
• 5:03
  know, trad wife Larpers, I'm going to call them because they
• 5:07
  do not have the money to provide for a real trad wife and they
• 5:10
  are not even interested in securing the money.
• 5:13
  According to the Labor Bureau, in Q3 of 2025, men in the US
• 5:16
  made a median of $1338 weekly. And that's at most a little
• 5:21
  under $70,000 a year, assuming that you're working 40 hours a
• 5:24
  week, 52 weeks a year. All pre tax, mind you.
• 5:28
  And that kind of salary is supposed to provide a life for
• 5:30
  both you, your partner and your kids.
• 5:33
  No, no. Maybe back in the 1950s, sure.
• 5:36
  But in 2026, yeah, that's not providing for nothing unless you
• 5:40
  live in Bumble America. And even then it is pushing it.
• 5:43
  And I'm not saying that it's impossible to provide for a
• 5:46
  whole family on that salary, but it's definitely not as feasible
• 5:49
  as it used to, and it's especially not going to be
• 5:51
  possible for younger people. Like the concept of
• 5:53
  traditionalism in a traditional man just does not hold up in
• 5:55
  2026. And I think it's crazy to expect
• 5:58
  that of yourself and to expect that of others given the space
• 6:00
  that we are all in. And something even crazier, in
• 6:02
  my opinion, is to not be a traditional man yourself and to
• 6:05
  expect a traditional woman. How does that work?
• 6:07
  And you know what, I want to be fair.
• 6:08
  If y'all like this video and the video does well, I'll do a Part
• 6:10
  2 follow up series talking about why traditional women don't
• 6:13
  exist either. Because again, personally, I
• 6:14
  don't believe that the whole concept, traditionalism for men,
• 6:17
  women or otherwise is applicable or even a thing for Gen.
• 6:19
  Z or just young people in general.
• 6:20
  Because if we're being so real, what traditions are we
• 6:23
  following? Like we see this issue almost
• 6:24
  directly played out in shows like Euphoria.
• 6:26
  If you've seen the first episode of the latest season, you know
• 6:29
  that this plays out almost bar for bar between the relationship
• 6:32
  of Nate and Cassie. These are two people that are
• 6:34
  desperate to be living out the traditional fantasy with Nate
• 6:37
  wanting to be the traditional man and Cassie wanting to be the
• 6:39
  traditional woman in a sense, or I'd more so say that Nate
• 6:43
  wanting Cassie to be a traditional woman.
• 6:44
  But as we can tell from the first episode and what I think
• 6:47
  is going to be their whole subplot throughout the whole
• 6:49
  season, that just does not hold up for people of our generation.
• 6:51
  Because, mind you, at the point in this season, these characters
• 6:53
  have to be around 2324, and they're already engaged, living
• 6:56
  in a beautiful house, doing the whole traditional fantasy.
• 6:58
  Like Nate goes to work and Cassie stays home and does
• 7:00
  whatever she wants to do. But as the show points out for
• 7:02
  Nate, he's struggling with money.
• 7:04
  He's not making money. It's all a ruse.
• 7:05
  And we're going to see that come crashing down on him.
• 7:07
  But he's still desperate to cling to this traditional idea
• 7:10
  of what marriage is supposed to be, what a man is supposed to
• 7:12
  be. But he clearly cannot live up to
• 7:13
  that. And we're seeing the downfalls
• 7:15
  of that. He has a sort of inflated
• 7:16
  lifestyle about himself, owning a cyber truck, incredibly
• 7:19
  expensive car, seemingly owns a really nice house, but struggles
• 7:22
  to afford the nice wedding that his wife to be wants.
• 7:24
  And then on Cassie's side, she's playing the stay at home wife
• 7:27
  but isn't really living up to the traditional wife standards,
• 7:29
  wanting to do her own thing on the side, whether that be TikTok
• 7:31
  or now only fans to help provide for the bougie wedding that she
• 7:34
  wants for herself. Based on probably what she's
• 7:36
  seen on social media, they're both trying to perform their
• 7:38
  gender roles to the Max. And it's clear that that's not
• 7:40
  working because even in conversations that they're
• 7:42
  having around their wedding, Nate tries to do the traditional
• 7:45
  man thing of like controlling conversation and the couple's
• 7:48
  decisions because he is the breadwinner and the man that
• 7:50
  makes the money. Directly asking Cassie, how are
• 7:52
  you making decisions when you don't make any money?
• 7:53
  Like I'm the one that makes the money.
• 7:54
  I'm the breadwinner here. With Cassie then pushing back,
• 7:56
  saying that she's going to start an only fans if he can't provide
• 7:59
  the provider life that she wants for herself or the provider life
• 8:02
  that she thinks she wants for herself.
• 8:04
  Based on probably what she's seen on social media.
• 8:05
  And despite both of them thinking that they're living the
• 8:07
  traditional life, Nate can barely afford providing for the
• 8:09
  two of them and all of the things that they own.
• 8:11
  And Cassie is being lewd or provocative on the Internet and
• 8:14
  likely going to start an only fans to make your own money,
• 8:16
  which is not traditional in that sense either.
• 8:18
  And that example aside, at the end of the day, I think that
• 8:20
  traditionalism and being a traditional man for the sake of
• 8:22
  this video is just a trap for both men and women because it
• 8:25
  essentially limits the possibilities for what you're
• 8:27
  able to do and the type of personality you're able to
• 8:29
  express and the type of person you're able to be.
• 8:31
  Because inevitably, if we want to go back to traditionalism and
• 8:33
  go back to how things used to be, that does mean a repealing
• 8:35
  of rights and freedoms and autonomy for women specifically
• 8:38
  and autonomy for men generally as well.
• 8:40
  It locks you into these two roles.
• 8:41
  And I don't believe that for most people, they want to be
• 8:44
  fulfilling those roles anyway. Like we see this weaponize
• 8:46
  against people all the time to sort of manage other people's
• 8:49
  behaviors. But this course online around
• 8:50
  men wanting to be baddies themselves being on tables and
• 8:53
  kind of taking over club culture in the way that women used to
• 8:55
  telling things like the sassy man apocalypse or like who won't
• 8:58
  be the boys of it all. Essentially dissuading men from
• 9:00
  wanting to be baddies themselves or just be more liberated and
• 9:03
  not be as like hyper masculine locked into your gender role as
• 9:06
  traditionally seen for men. And then of course, as we know,
• 9:08
  traditionalism and traditional men have historically been used
• 9:11
  against women's rights, women's general safety and autonomy.
• 9:13
  But we don't necessarily think about all that like that people
• 9:16
  spout things online about wanting traditionalism back,
• 9:18
  wanting a traditional man or traditional woman back.
• 9:20
  And I think a large culprit behind that are some of the
• 9:22
  propagated figureheads on social media right now.
• 9:24
  Like, I don't know, fresh and fit, Andrew Tate, sprinkle,
• 9:27
  sprinkle or any other kind of polarizing over generalizing
• 9:30
  kind of dating content on social media.
• 9:31
  Because a lot of these people that I mentioned tout
• 9:33
  traditionalism and wanting to be a traditional man or wanting a
• 9:35
  traditional woman, but don't actually live traditionalize
• 9:37
  themselves. Like the concept of touting
• 9:38
  yourself as a traditional man while on live, screaming and
• 9:41
  pouting on a podcast, inviting trickers on your show to
• 9:43
  humiliate them, having actual trafficking rings and literally
• 9:47
  0. Emotional intelligence is not
• 9:49
  traditional in the slightest. I'm sorry.
• 9:50
  And also a bigger point that I don't feel like people are
• 9:53
  talking about enough when we want to talk about the existence
• 9:55
  or not of traditional men or just general traditionalism.
• 9:58
  A lot of y'all's very existence is antithetical to
• 10:01
  traditionalism to begin with. And let's just RIP the Band-Aid
• 10:04
  off because when we want to talk about traditionalism in a
• 10:06
  traditional man, we have to look into what traditional meant at
• 10:09
  the time and who is seen as traditional.
• 10:12
  And unfortunately or fortunately, because if you're a
• 10:14
  person of color, have a child that wedlock or in some cases,
• 10:17
  if you want to be really extreme, having premarital sex
• 10:19
  and or if we really want to stretch the definition are not
• 10:22
  of this country, then you automatically eliminate yourself
• 10:24
  from the traditional dating pool.
• 10:25
  Like you are no longer traditional in the traditional
• 10:28
  sense. Like the traditional lifestyle
• 10:29
  in the traditional man was never meant for you.
• 10:32
  When we look at the traditional side of traditional, that was
• 10:34
  essentially just for your average middle class white man.
• 10:38
  And if you are not of that group, hate to break it to you,
• 10:40
  but you could never Max out on your traditionalism because it's
• 10:42
  not who you are. Like that label was never meant
• 10:46
  for you. So to see so many people of
• 10:47
  color claim to be a traditional man and yearn for that, it's
• 10:50
  just so wild to me. Because that is a definition
• 10:52
  that was never meant to be inclusive of us, nor should we
• 10:55
  really want it to be because it is so limiting and who it allows
• 10:57
  you to be, who it allows you to be interested in and the life
• 11:00
  that you're allowed to live. And none of those things hold up
• 11:02
  in modern day because we no longer live in a traditional
• 11:04
  world. And that's not necessarily a bad
• 11:06
  thing. That is the whole capstone of
• 11:08
  this. There isn't necessarily a
• 11:09
  problem with wanting to be traditional or making sense of
• 11:11
  that, however you will. I just don't think that we
• 11:13
  should be punishing ourselves or really be yearning or itching
• 11:16
  for it as bad as we are because that's just not the world that
• 11:20
  we live in. But I can understand where
• 11:21
  people are coming from and why people are looking for it in
• 11:24
  this time. According to a Vice article,
• 11:25
  nearly half of Gen. Z women choose the trad wife or
• 11:28
  traditional wife path. Miriam Webster defines A trad
• 11:30
  wife as a married woman who embraces traditional gender
• 11:32
  roles and values. The word is particularly used
• 11:34
  for a young woman who chooses to be a homemaker and shares her
• 11:37
  lifestyle online. It's closely associated to the
• 11:39
  2020 social media trend, widely viewed as ultra conservative.
• 11:43
  According to an Edu Birdie study, 47% of women in the study
• 11:47
  said that they wanted the trad wife path when asked to rank
• 11:49
  their dream lives out of trad wife, girl boss, hustle, digital
• 11:52
  nomad or trophy wife. But the caveat being, of course,
• 11:55
  being a trad wife doesn't always involve getting up on your
• 11:57
  career. While the man of the dynamic is
• 11:58
  typically deemed as the provider, the trad wife often
• 12:01
  still pursues her own creative endeavors without burning
• 12:04
  herself out. After years of being told to
• 12:05
  hustle harder, many women are just tired, says Alex Nico.
• 12:08
  Research shows that Gen. Z women are more marriage
• 12:11
  oriented than millennials. They seek a calm routine.
• 12:13
  Insecurity, well-being and balance are very important to
• 12:15
  them. For some women, this is exactly
• 12:17
  what the tried wife lifestyle promises.
• 12:19
  In times of mass uncertainty and fear like the ones that we live
• 12:21
  in right now, it's understandable why people want
• 12:23
  to look to the past when things seem to be more calm, seem to be
• 12:26
  more stable, and expect that and want that of themselves and
• 12:28
  their partners. We see this sort of thing all
• 12:30
  the time and while that may be the knee jerk or safe reaction
• 12:33
  to that, I don't think that it is the right reaction to the
• 12:36
  moment that we're going through. We don't need to meet the
• 12:38
  current moment with failures of the past.
• 12:39
  No shade because even if we look back to the traditional life, no
• 12:43
  one was really happy. No one really walked out of
• 12:45
  traditional relationships feeling super fulfilled and
• 12:47
  happy. And oftentimes when you hear
• 12:48
  stories like that, that seems to be more of the exception rather
• 12:51
  than the rule. I feel like instead we need to
• 12:53
  be looking at modern solutions to the modern problems and
• 12:56
  redefining what we're really looking for.
• 12:57
  Like if we want that sense of security and we want that sense
• 13:00
  of stability in an ever changing world, we can try and find that
• 13:03
  through newer and more progressive and more inventive
• 13:05
  ways than just the ones of the past.
• 13:07
  Because we have to learn from our previous mistakes, not just
• 13:09
  repeat them. Because at the end of the day,
• 13:11
  the traditional man did not and does not benefit really anyone
• 13:14
  in today's modern world because the majority of us are not
• 13:17
  making the money to be able to sustain that kind of lifestyle.
• 13:19
  And if you really get into it, I don't know if that's necessarily
• 13:22
  a lifestyle that you want to be living anyway, but I to each
• 13:24
  their own.