Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 104: Passive vs Massive Action

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104: Passive vs Massive Action · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  So today I wanted to start by sharing an email that I received from a client.
• 0:26
  She said,"I just had to take a minute today to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your kindness, wisdom and true gift of coaching others.
• 0:35
  I have a peaceful feeling today for the first time since I can remember, rather than the pit in my stomach and tears ready to flow.
• 0:42
  The tools you gave me, especially last night, and you're kind gentle encouragement is what I have needed.
• 0:49
  I feel like my whole life.
• 0:50
  That's what I poured out into others, but have long to feel that compassion returned, especially during difficult seasons in life.
• 0:57
  Grief and trauma are so real and so difficult to articulate to others.
• 1:01
  It's a lonely road at times, and you have helped me to see through these weeks to find a glimmer of hope for a better life, as well as for the first time in my 58 years of life, I can finally begin to see that I do have value and worth and deserve a happy life.
• 1:16
  Thank you so much for all that you do.
• 1:18
  You are truly an answer to prayer." I mean, wow, you guys.
• 1:22
  I was so humbled by this email and it meant so much to me.
• 1:26
  And really honest and truly, this is why I do what it is that I do.
• 1:31
  It is truly such an honor and a privilege to just be along for the ride to accompany others on their path towards healing and personal growth.
• 1:40
  And while I am deeply grateful for the kind words that she shared, I am even more grateful for the opportunity that I have to make a positive difference in other people's lives.
• 1:50
  So if you find that you are navigating through a difficult season of life or you're feeling overwhelmed, or maybe you just want a little bit more out of life, and you're not sure how to get it, just know that you're not alone.
• 2:02
  And if as you have been listening to this podcast, if you think that coaching might be a good fit for you, come and work with me.
• 2:08
  I do have some one-on-one spots becoming available as my other clients kind of graduate.
• 2:12
  I work in six week blocks and I think you're going to be really amazed at everything that we can accomplish together in just six weeks.
• 2:20
  So you can email me at maryann@maryannwalker.life and yes, I will put that in the show notes.
• 2:25
  So come and work with me.
• 2:26
  I would love to work with you.
• 2:29
  Now on Thursday's episode that we talked about choosing to evolve versus choosing to remain and how consciously we all believe that we are choosing to evolve, but there may be some places in our lives where we essentially choosing for things to remain the same.
• 2:44
  If we are not actively working to create change for a situation.
• 2:49
  And so today we're going to be diving a little bit deeper into that idea by exploring passive versus massive action.
• 2:56
  So in short, passive action, it doesn't create results.
• 3:00
  Whereas, massive action then it's going to have you trying again and again and again until you actually get the result that you were seeking, but it's through the doing that you're going to get that massive action.
• 3:11
  Now I have shared this example here on the podcast before, but number one, it's my favorite.
• 3:15
  And number two, we have a lot of new listeners here on the podcast.
• 3:18
  So I'm going to share it again.
• 3:20
  So my instructor, Brooke Castillo talked about a time when her son wanted to learn how to ride a unicycle.
• 3:27
  So they went to the unicycle store.
• 3:29
  And out of curiosity, they asked the salesman, Hey, how long does it take to learn how to ride a unicycle?
• 3:34
  And he said, well, it takes about 10 hours to learn how to ride a unicycle.
• 3:38
  Now let's talk about the passive versus the massive action of learning, how to ride a unicycle.
• 3:44
  Now the passive action of learning, how to ride a unicycle that would look like watching a lot of YouTube videos, reading books on it.
• 3:51
  Uh, maybe you're watching other people ride unicycles, and this is passive action because you are not actually getting results.
• 3:58
  You're not actually leaning into the discomfort of learning how to do it.
• 4:02
  Right.
• 4:02
  It feels like you're being productive because you're studying things and observing other people, but you're not actually getting on the unicycle.
• 4:09
  Now the massive action for riding a unicycle, it looks like actually getting on the unicycle.
• 4:14
  It's figuring out your balance, seeing what does my core need to be doing as I'm riding this unicycle, it's actually trying it out.
• 4:21
  It's learning through the doing.
• 4:23
  And learning to ride a unicycle it takes 10 hours of massive action.
• 4:28
  This means 10 hours of actually riding unicycle and actually falling off of a unicycle for 10 hours to learn how to do it.
• 4:37
  And so, yeah, it might be more uncomfortable to fall off of a unicycle than watching YouTube video.
• 4:43
  Your level of discomfort is going to be different, but one form of action is significantly more likely to get you the results that you are looking for.
• 4:52
  Another thing to notice is that passive action, it can look really productive.
• 4:56
  We feel productive when we're doing the passive action.
• 4:59
  So if you're watching a lot of videos, it's like, well, I know you said it takes 10 hours to learn how to ride a unicycle, but I've actually invested 20 hours in watching videos of other people, riding a unicycle.
• 5:10
  It can feel very productive in the moment, but it's not going to get us the results that we're looking for.
• 5:16
  So now I will use a personal example to illustrate this.
• 5:20
  Now, when I first launched my coaching practice, I was super good at putting out fun and engaging content online.
• 5:27
  And I like to think that I'm still pretty good at this, but it was really interesting when I was being coached on my coaching practice and I was asking, I'm like, yeah, not really getting the clients that I'm looking for.
• 5:37
  What is going on?
• 5:39
  And my coach lovingly pointed out to me.
• 5:41
  She said, Hey, I haven't heard you actually making offers.
• 5:44
  You're putting out amazing value into the world.
• 5:47
  And I love the content that you're putting out.
• 5:49
  But I'm not hearing you tell people that you're a coach.
• 5:52
  I'm not hearing you tell people that you would like to work with them.
• 5:55
  I'm not hearing you make any actual offers.
• 5:58
  So of course you're not going to be getting clients because you're really just a content creator.
• 6:03
  You're not actually doing what you need to do to bring in the clients.
• 6:07
  And this was so eyeopening for me because it showed me that, oh, I really am doing the passive action of just posting content on the internet.
• 6:15
  I'm not actually taking the massive action of creating a scenario where someone needs to give me either a yes or a no, I wasn't.
• 6:21
  Actually making offers.
• 6:25
  So I really did look busy because I was posting content, but I wasn't getting the result that I wanted.
• 6:30
  I wasn't getting the paying clients because I wasn't taking the massive action of actually making offers.
• 6:37
  Okay.
• 6:38
  So here's another personal example and maybe this is familiar to you too.
• 6:42
  Sometimes I sit down and I think, you know what, I'm going to map out some really healthy meals for my family.
• 6:47
  And I'll sit down on Pinterest and I'm pinning recipe after recipe and I'm kind of noting, oh yeah, that one looks good.
• 6:53
  And that one looks good and that looks good.
• 6:55
  And before, you know it, I'm now too tired to go out shopping or to fix anything.
• 6:59
  And so, yeah, I have all of these pins for healthy meals, but I'm ordering pizza or Chinese food.
• 7:04
  Right.
• 7:05
  I've that is the passive action of meal planning versus the massive action of maybe I go into it instead with a goal of I'm going to find three meals, get the ingredients for it and make them it's passive versus massive.
• 7:18
  So my passive brain wants to say that, no, you were so super productive.
• 7:23
  You know, I found at least two months worth of recipes, but I didn't actually take the massive action of actually going shopping and actually preparing the healthy meals.
• 7:34
  Another example of this might be talking about the problems that you're experiencing in your relationship, but not actually stating the boundaries or actually talking about it to create.
• 7:43
  Change.
• 7:44
  Right.
• 7:45
  So instead we're talking about the problem, but we're not taking any action to correct the problem.
• 7:49
  We think that if we just talk about it a lot, That people will just know what it is that we need, and then those start to fulfill our needs.
• 7:56
  But if we are talking about it without making a clear and explicit request, You know, something that they can say yes or no to then we are teaching them that simply talking about it is enough for us and that they don't need to actually change.
• 8:09
  So that's very similar to me making offers in my coaching practice.
• 8:13
  Is you need to actually make it clear enough that somebody can say yes, I can do that for you or no, I can't do that for you.
• 8:19
  Make it a clear offer and a clear expectation rather than just talking about it, like, oh, wouldn't that be nice.
• 8:26
  And keeping things in dreamland.
• 8:28
  But being very clear in, okay.
• 8:30
  What is it that I'm wanting?
• 8:31
  And can they give me a yes or a no?
• 8:33
  Then you'll know you're actually making some massive action rather than staying in passive action.
• 8:39
  So passive action is assuming the other people are mind readers.
• 8:44
  Massive action is telling people what is needed through clear and honest communication.
• 8:50
  Passive action is thinking about your workout plan and which day you're going to do what, and massive action is actually waking up, showing up and doing it.
• 8:59
  Passive action is writing down on your calendar that you're going to call, and you're going to book that appointment and massive action is actually making the call.
• 9:08
  Passive action is dreaming about the garden that you want.
• 9:11
  One day it's springtime.
• 9:12
  I'm totally dreaming about gardening.
• 9:15
  And then the massive action is actually purchasing the seeds and putting them in the ground.
• 9:20
  Passive action is telling people that you would like to go back to school one day and get your degree.
• 9:25
  Massive action is coming up with a plan and sticking to that plan and sticking to that timeline in order to make that degree happen.
• 9:34
  Passive action is telling everybody that you would like to change your job and massive action is actually applying for that new position.
• 9:42
  Now one misconception about massive action is that it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of effort and sometimes massive action does take more time and effort.
• 9:52
  But sometimes it's just doing the thing that you said that you were going to do and a lot of the resistance is just in our own mind.
• 9:58
  So recently I read a book called eat that frog.
• 10:02
  And the idea of the book is to identify what your frogs are...
• 10:05
  the frogs are the things that you just really don't want to do, and you have a lot of resistance around, but identifying what is your frog?
• 10:12
  And then eating that frog, the thing you don't want to do, do it first thing in the morning and the rest of your day will feel so much better and so much more productive because we really invest a lot of time and energy into resisting doing the thing that we know needs to be done, but we really don't want to do it, even though it doesn't take very long.
• 10:29
  Your brain is going to give you all sorts of reasons and provide all sorts of opportunities for you to not do the thing that you know, you need to do.
• 10:36
  And one of the most effective ways that your brain distracts you is by getting you caught up in this passive action.
• 10:44
  Because passive action can feel very productive.
• 10:47
  But it is a counterfeit.
• 10:48
  It is not actually productive.
• 10:51
  It's not going to actually get you the results.
• 10:54
  So for example, Sarah, she knew that she really needed to call the doctors, but because she was anxious about what the doctors might say, and they might ask for like, well, how come it's been so long since you've been in, she was really anxious about going to the doctors.
• 11:07
  She was anxious about what her blood work might be revealing.
• 11:10
  And so she put off.
• 11:12
  So the phone call itself, it would take less than five minutes for her to make that call, but her brain started to come up with all of these other things that sounds super important and make these other things a top priority in the moment.
• 11:25
  Right.
• 11:25
  So all the things that are very easy for her to put off, she's now thinking, oh, I have to do that first.
• 11:29
  That's a high priority.
• 11:31
  Yep.
• 11:31
  I need to start that laundry first.
• 11:32
  Oh yep.
• 11:33
  And I better unload the dishwasher because we've got more dishes coming and oh, well I need to get that meal.
• 11:37
  Ready.
• 11:38
  Your brain is going to come up with a lot of reasons for other things that are also priorities for you, even though they're lower on the list.
• 11:45
  Because we're resisting eating that frog, even though it's only going to take us five minutes of time.
• 11:51
  Making that phone call to the doctors was Sarah's frog.
• 11:55
  It was a five minute task that she could have easily built into her day.
• 11:59
  But instead she chose to justify not calling by prioritizing other tasks is passive action.
• 12:06
  She's thinking about it.
• 12:08
  She's telling herself the lie that, well, I'll do it after this, but she keeps finding other things to do instead of actually making that five minute call.
• 12:16
  Now it can be helpful when thinking through what your passive and massive action is to really put it in a list and not only by list of priorities, but also kind of put how much time it's going to take in front of it.
• 12:27
  See how long it's going to take to complete the task and that can help to give your brain evidence that, okay, maybe this isn't going to be as painful of an experience as I'd like to think.
• 12:37
  There's so much that we can accomplish just by investing even 15 to 20 minutes a day.
• 12:42
  If you invest 15 to 20 minutes a day, you can learn a new instrument in a year.
• 12:46
  Just by investing small amounts, but we create so much resistance thinking"no, that sounds like way too much work to learn how to play a new instrument" when really it just takes small, consistent action over time.
• 12:58
  Okay.
• 12:59
  So let's talk about a few more examples of passive and massive action and what can that massive action look like?
• 13:04
  Now, it might be that phone call to that doctor's office.
• 13:07
  Maybe it's actually returning that book to the library.
• 13:11
  I was like, you know what, honestly, it would take me two minutes right now.
• 13:13
  If I just took the book and put it in my car.
• 13:15
  In my brain, my brain wants to say that sounds like so much work to return the book all the way to the library.
• 13:21
  But honestly, if I just put the book in the car and then as I'm out running errands, if I just stick it in the Dropbox, it's really not going to take that much time and energy, but your brain wants to say, oh, that's just so much work.
• 13:32
  Even though it's just a tiny little task.
• 13:34
  If you recognize you have a lot of resistance around putting yourself out there with your business.
• 13:38
  Notice.
• 13:39
  Okay.
• 13:39
  Might be a little bit uncomfortable to actually say at the end of one of my posts.
• 13:43
  Okay.
• 13:44
  This is how I can help you.
• 13:45
  This is how you can connect with me.
• 13:46
  This is how you can take advantage of our services and it really doesn't take that much time at all.
• 13:52
  It just requires a little bit of bravery, right?
• 13:54
  It can take a little bit of bravery to offer people your services, but that is the only way you're going to actually get paying clients.
• 14:02
  If you're like Sarah and you're putting off booking that appointment.
• 14:04
  Yeah.
• 14:05
  It can feel a little bit overwhelming to make that five minute phone call when we've created so much resistance for ourselves.
• 14:11
  But the truth is after you make that phone call, you made it feel so much better.
• 14:15
  And after the phone call has been made, the subsequent appointments are going to feel so much easier.
• 14:19
  It's now on your calendar, things are happening.
• 14:22
  We've now built momentum for ourselves and all it took was building up that five minutes of bravery to make that phone call.
• 14:30
  Now let's go back to the relationship example.
• 14:31
  Yes.
• 14:32
  It can feel a little bit uncomfortable to create change in your relationship, but that discomfort is temporary and more than likely the discomfort of actually doing the thing, it really pales in comparison to the resistance that you're creating for yourself around not doing the thing.
• 14:48
  So, for example, Sarah, putting off that phone call, how many days or weeks is she going to be feeling super uncomfortable, simply because she's resisting taking action?
• 14:57
  Her brain wants to tell her that she has a good reason not to take action.
• 15:01
  But remember that that's what we talked about last time was the motivational triad.
• 15:05
  Your brain seeks out pleasure, it seeks to avoid pain, And.
• 15:10
  it wants to see how little it can do and still get what it wants.
• 15:13
  That's the brain's job.
• 15:15
  It's that motivational triad.
• 15:17
  And that's why we do what we do.
• 15:19
  You have a good reason for not doing the things that you know you should be doing, but here's what else is true.
• 15:23
  Your brain thinks that passive action is going to create pleasure.
• 15:28
  And you know what it really might temporarily, we might feel like we've got away with something by, oh, well I was doing all those other tasks.
• 15:34
  I'm justified in not doing that task.
• 15:36
  And so I actually feel better because I've now justified myself.
• 15:40
  But it's not actually going to get you the results that you want.
• 15:42
  So when we delay putting ourselves out there, then we're ultimately perpetuating our own discomfort.
• 15:49
  And here's something else really interesting about your brain is your brain is actually going to be associating taking massive action.
• 15:55
  With physical pain, you're going to feel uncomfortable because yeah, it is actually a partial truth.
• 16:01
  The massive action can create some discomfort, right?
• 16:04
  It is going to be uncomfortable.
• 16:06
  So your brain is going to say, I am in physical pain.
• 16:08
  Because I have to do this thing.
• 16:10
  And so, yeah, you might be a little bit uncomfortable as you're starting to take that massive action, but remember that you are in fact shortening the duration of your discomfort by simply doing what it is that needs to be done.
• 16:22
  And around the brain wanting to see how little it can do and still get what it wants.
• 16:25
  Sure.
• 16:26
  Like we all want to work smarter and not harder.
• 16:29
  And also, if you can get those amazing results, doing the bare minimum, what might happen if you actually applied yourself and took even more massive action, what could you experience?
• 16:41
  What might you achieve if you actually applied yourself?
• 16:45
  So here's your challenge identify one thing that you want to change or accomplish and see if you kind of identify, okay, what are a few massive action steps that could lead me towards that end goal?
• 16:57
  You can do this.
• 16:58
  It just takes learning how to manage your mind.
• 17:01
  And again, if you would like help learning how to manage your mind, come and work with me.
• 17:05
  I'm currently offering six week packages and these are one-on-one packages.
• 17:09
  So we can work with you on your specific goals.
• 17:11
  I am loading up my spring and summer calendar.
• 17:14
  And so if this is something you want in on it, take advantage of these current openings and let's get together.
• 17:20
  All right, let's talk soon.
• 17:21
  Bye now.