Latest / Dear Chelsea / Getting the Update with Gaten Matarazzo

Transcript

Getting the Update with Gaten Matarazzo · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay for the High and Mighty Tour people, we are
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: rocket and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: April thirtieth Nashville, May first, Charlotte, North Carolina. May second
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: is Durham, North Carolina. May sixth in Los Angeles at
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: the Slabon Theater for Netflix as a joke. May fifteenth,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I will be in Saratoga. May sixteenth, Monterey, May seventeenth, Modesto.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I will be in port Chester on June fourth, and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: we added two new dates to the High Mighty Tour.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: On June third, I am coming to Saratoga Springs, New York.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: So pre sale has begun for that, and then on
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: June twenty eighth, I am coming to Nantucket and presale
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: has started on that. June fifth, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I will be in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: going to be Hyenna's, Massachusetts. August sixth is red Bank,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September eighteenth Santa Barbara
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: September nineteenth, San Diego September twenty fifth. I will be
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: at the Beacon in New York City September twenty sixth.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, New Haven, Connecticut.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, October sixteenth.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, November seventh.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, Salt
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas. December fifth. I am adding
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: a second show in Denver for those of you who
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: can get tickets to the first one. And on December sixth,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay, those are
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: all my dates for the High and Mighty Door. Go
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to Chelsea Handler dot com tickets.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Hi.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: How are you, Catherine, Chelsea?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: I'm great.
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: I'm going to Mexico tomorrow with two of my best girlfriends.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: We go every year and I cannot Waitta Mexico.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I know you love it there. Good for you.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: This is your annual vagina trip, isn't.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: It exactly exactly.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: I'm going to drink a lot of Margarita's spicy ones especially,
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: and just lay on a beach for like four days.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I'm very excited.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: That's very nice. That sounds very relaxed.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Atto.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like nice to have time where you know
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: you're gonna be with your girlfriends, especially you.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Know, absolutely yeah, to get away from Brad absolutely again,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: and every man you need to get Everyone needs a
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: break from their sleeping partner at one point or another,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: except Be and Doug. But we don't sleep together. That's
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: why I love him so much.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Oh right, he like sleeps on the porch protecting you, right,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: or like.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I think, sleeps on wherever is the closest out to
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: the room. He just likes to make sure he knows
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: where I'm going and when I'm coming.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Okay, tell me this.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: Does he like follow you into the bathroom? Is he
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: like I protect you in the bathroom?
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: Boy?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: No, he follows me a lot, but he doesn't come
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: into like the toilet room.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Okay. I mean, oh, so you're probably closing the door.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I would imagine, Yeah, I am.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I don't just just whip out my pussy at home
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: and just start peeing everywhere, although I know some people
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: who do do that.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: Ticks all, guys.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I have shows this weekend. I am going to Nashville,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: which is sold out, but I'm also going to Durham,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: North Carolina, that still has some tickets left. And then
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: there's Charleston, South Carolina, which has some tickets. Be there
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: this weekend. And also I'll be at the Netflix is
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: a Joke Festival next Wednesday night at the subamb Theater.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Are you coming, Catherine? Are you going to be in Mexico?
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: No, I'll be in Mexico.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: I'll be gone, but I'll see you on Friday with Yamnika.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: We're gonna record with Yaminika on Friday.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Oh so fun.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Oh I love that.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I have a very good time.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, great, we have a great exciting guest. People are
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: gonna love this today. You know him from Stranger Things
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: and he's so ridiculously adorable. I fell in love with
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: it or this interview. He's here promoting his new movies,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: two movies, Animal Farm which is in theaters now and
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Pizza Movie on Hulu. Please welcome Gayton Madrazzo. Hi, Hi,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: long time, no see.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: It's been a very long time. How are you.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I feel like the last time you and I hung
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: out we were riding bikes on the Netflix lot.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Was that right? It sounds about right. That sounds like
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: it was a long time ago too. This is probably
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: right after the first season. So you're a young man,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: a young man legally, yes, I can legally drink alcohol now.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Twenty three is legal, So twenty three, I think is
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: a young man. When do you think you when do
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: you think you burst fully into manhood? From a male perspective.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: That's subjective. I know some twenty five year olds who
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: have got their shit together, and I also know some
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: thirty five year olds are like, you could have a
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: few more years of saying that whole young man thing.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: So I think that's yeah, that's there's it's hit or miss.
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: That's such a a medic way.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: To say that.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a good way to say that. Actually,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I think you're absolutely correct. It really doesn't. It's very particular,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: it's very individual each person. It applies.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I think a good gauge is to if somebody tells
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: me they're about to be a father, and my reaction
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: is congratulations, you are a grown man. But if it's
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: oh no, then yeah right, it's like a vibe in general,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I like.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: That, do you think you're ready to become a father?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Not even close?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: But is anyone ever ready to have any time?
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: I guess that's the whole point, is that no one's
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: really ever ready. You can plan and plan, I mean.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Nine months is it long enough to prepare for something
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: like that? Nine months? Is it seems like you would
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: need like two and a half years to actually get
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: your head around. But for women, they would They don't
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: want to be pregnant for two and a half years.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I could imagine nine is already enough, more than enough.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: My trainer just had a baby and he has he doings.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: It's a pretty dicey situation. I mean, he's pretty excited
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: because obviously, you know, once you have this kid, it's amazing.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: But he's like, there's basically like one hour of the
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: day that's glorious and that he feels incredible, and the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: other twenty three hours of the day is just them
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: trying to make him sleep or not cry or feed
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: him or give him formula. And I'm like, yeah, asshole,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: didn't you fucking hear about that? It's one of the
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: baby books. It's always so surprising to me when men
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: are so surprised by.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: What happens, by how difficult it must be to raise
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: a human.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well, congrats to you for a not being pregnant,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: for not yet. Anyway, you and your significant other, you're
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: not pregnant.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: You're not yet, not at this moment.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Just cats, just catch all right, you're a cat lover.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: I'm a cat lover.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Indeed, explain yourself.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: I'm an animal lover. I love dogs too. I've grown
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: up with both. Okay, well, I love I have no preference.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: This is great. I don't get I don't think there
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: needs to be a fight. And way I say, if
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: these might be fighting words, the only people I know
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: who make it a fight are dog people. I don't
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: know many cat people who are out to like battle dogs.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: But that must just mean that dogs are better.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're the underdog or the undercat, undercat cash
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: and I have I don't know.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I do feel like dog people are the only
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: ones that would be like I actually hate cats. When
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: someone says they have cat like cat people would never
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: think that.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: I don't think any cat people are being anti dog.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: How many cats do you guys have?
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I have two cats, so we don't live together. She
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: has a cat and the puppy with her with her
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: roommate does the cat. The dog that colakses very well together.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: They're very close. They weirdly get along very well. And
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I have two that are siblings, two cats.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: So your girlfriend has one cat and.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: You have two cats.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I have two cats and all the three cats intermingled.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: They had they do. They do very well together. I guess,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Oh good, that's cute, which is very nice.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: I've heard it can be dicey to adopt sibling cats
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: because then they like bond to each other instead of to.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Anyone do their links to each other, which is adorable
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: because you get to watch cats like cuddle each other,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: and that's always a treat.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean watching any animals cut you know what.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: You're right, you're right about I take I'm gonna take
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: that as a note because you're right. It is dog
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: people who are the assholes about the cats. I think
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: so too. Yeah, people aren't assholes about dogs.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Actually love dogs.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Dog people are assholes about some other dogs.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, the dog, Yeah, that's I hate the dog breeds specification.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: A part of me is also I don't know, some
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: people like have like very specific ideas of what dog
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: breeds they liked, or like a Golden Retriever family or
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: a Palmeranian family. And I'm kind of in the boat.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: This is funny because my dad has a Golden Retriever.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: But I'm kind of in the boat of like, let's
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: no longer breed dogs and let's just like have them all,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: like just make more, make more mutts so that they
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: can be healthier and also unique and fun.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that would be nice, but I the win.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: That would be fun.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: It feels like we've got a lot of mus for
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: the wind. We've got a lot of bigger problems to
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: deal with. But I'm all about rescuing much too. All
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I have are much although what I have now is
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: seems to be a pure bride chow chow. But he
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: was still a rescue because I went to this chilchow
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: place and they always hook me up. But he's so
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: luscious and beautiful and handsome and good look but he's
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: so good looking that I just almost I think model
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: he needs, Yeah he is. He has to be more
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: public facing.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I think, I think does he have is it the
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: chow chows have, like the purple tongue? Yeah? Is that true? Yeah?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: So cute, very cool, it's so cute. They're beautiful dogs,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah they are.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: They're kind of aloof. But this one isn't. This one's
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: a real lover.
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: He backs into people. I have one friend in Whistler.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: His name is Kyle. He's scared of my dog, and
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: so Kyle's not going to be a friend for very
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: much longer.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Stable. Yeah, they's my number.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: That's just annoying, you know what I mean. Like he
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: claims that my dog bit him. My dog never bid him.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: He nipped at him because he came up from behind him.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: My dog has bitten somebody, But this was when he
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: was young, and I sent him back to school for
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: chilled out.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Chilled out for sure. Well, sometimes let's just tell it does.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: It's hard work taking care of an animal and making
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: sure that they're a good state to be around other people.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's a trutch. I respect those who who take
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: their time doing it because like sometimes people are like
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: oh cute. I'll just get like a fluffy living caddy bear, like, Oh,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: this is a creature with habits and likes and dislikes
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: and boundaries that you have to figure out.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, Yes, you do have to figure them out,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: or you have to lay down the law and be
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: like these are the rules.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Especially with dogs. Yeah, you have to give You can't
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: really train cats. I mean you can, you can give
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: them accustomed to affection, but you can't command cats. You
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: can't make them sit. They don't register positive don't register
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: positive reinforcement. They're like, give me a place to hope
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: and eat and then I'll decide if I like you.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: If you really like cats, you should go to Istanbul.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: There are cats all over the city. Dogs hit, but
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: more cats. And in the restaurants they come up and
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: they sit on the thing. I mean, I'm not one
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: of those people who goes crazy when there's animals around, Like,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not upset.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: If there's an animal, I get excited about it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I don't care either way. I'm just like whatever,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like, get away from me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: And a lot of the women there, like at different restaurants,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: were like freaking out because I guess, you know, maybe
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: they can carry worms or something.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: But also what's crazy is like I'm very much a
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: believer of indoor cats because they are when released out
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: into the world, they're they're in vasy species. They kill
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: it and birds, they kill a bunch of birds. They
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: over popular like crazy, and so I'm very much in
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: favor of like any of like well, there's like the
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: catcher released like stray situation where they'll like neuter like
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: strays and then release them back out so there's not
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: like a bunch of new kittens because they repopulate like crazy,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: and they kill like so many birds like in the billions.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Oh god, they're fat.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, out here they're doing it. They're they're they're nuts.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I saw it. I saw it in Istanbul. He was
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: climbing a tree. This little cat was climbing a tree
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: and there was a bird at the end, and the
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: birds and the cat just kept inching forward and forward.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, is this bird gonna get a clue or what?
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Now? That's yeah, so that's on. Then they got they
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: gotta be cautious.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about your projects. Skate, and you have
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: a lot coming up. I know, I know. It's like
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: a veterinarian school here. So you have two big projects
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: coming up. We everyone knows you obviously from Stranger Things.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: You were on that show for how many years? Ten years?
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I was on that show. Now it's been over ten years.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so you and that. But you've also done
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: a lot of Broadway, which I want to hit because
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: you've done musicals and that was surprising to me about you.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: But let's talk about Animal Farm, the movie that's you
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: have not coming out. You have Pizza Movie, but you
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: have Animal Farm. So I haven't read Animal Farm in
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: a long time because I was kind of a book
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: you read during school, right, Yes, I read it. Yeah,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: So why don't you give me a can you break down,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: like the kind of encapsulate what the book is about.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I know what's about Collu pop quiz, but I'd like
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: a fresh.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Update, right, Yeah, So it's it's about It's one of
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Orwell's classics of telling the story of Well. It was
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: mainly based on the Russian Revolution and it's grothend and
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: it's development into communism. But it's told through the lens
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: of a farm that has the goal of being self
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: sufficient apart from humans, and it's brilliant and terrifying and
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: incredibly insightful. And I was kind of became obsessed with
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: it when I was in junior year. I think a
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: lot of times when you receive a book for school, specifically,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: your immediate reaction is to be like Amelia, and it
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: was one of those. It's just impossible not to be
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: intrigued by. And I've always loved it. I've read it
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: a number of times. I read it several times when
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: I was at school, and when I was approached with
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: the project, I jumped back into it a number. It's
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: also a very fast free it's probably I think some
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: copies are even under one hundred pages. Yeah, and it's
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: very easy to just devour and also a tough one
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: to tackle and making a movie because they've tried it
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: several times and it's never really quite landed. And I
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: saw the team involved, I thought that Andy was spearheading.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Andy Serkis, of course, was spearheading the project.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Give us some background about an Andy's.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: An incredible creative, a wonderful director, an incredible actor. I
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: think a lot of people will know his work. He's
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: very famous for the motion capture style of acting where
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: he was famous for leading the Player of the Apes
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: prequel trilogy and.
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: Like Gollum and Lord of the Rings and.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Playing Gallum the Lord of the Rings of course, and
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: what's really been He's one of the most captivating actors
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I've ever had. I mean, a lot of actors will
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: probably reference him when talking about seeing somebody who doesn't
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: really seem to have a ceiling. Anytime you see him,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: it's kind of the epitome of just letting go of everything.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: He has the ability to kind of become inhuman in
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: the best way. It's it's insane and incredible to watch
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: and intimidating, and if you're going to have a certain
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: person's brain to kind of capture such a human story
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: through the lens of not humans, it really does feel
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: like Andy's the best person to tackle it. And it
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: was kind of a no brainer when it was approached,
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: just to be able to work with him and work
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: with this team and this incredible cast around it. And
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: it's always one of those where any time you jump
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: into something that's so loved, respected and a book that's
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: quite feared, it's always going to be a swing. And
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: I really think that that's the only way you can
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: approach this. You can't safely approach making a film and
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: animal farm. You have to kind of jump in head
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: first and have your take. And it was a pleasure
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: It was cool, first of all, great explanation, that's very comprehensive.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, cool, very impressive by the way.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have your ship really together, which is you know,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: it's just so nice to see children actors. And I
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: think we're living in a different time because we saw
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: so many people have such a hard time with fame
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: early on. And I don't know if it's more musicians
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: or more actors, but I think it kind of bleeds
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: into both. But it's so nice to see all of
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you kids from Stranger things grow up and be normal, successful,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: like functioning adults. Like it's really nice.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, child labor laws is a dream come true.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: There's there's a lot more of an emphasis on ensuring
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: that kids jumping into the industry do so safely and
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: under very under quality supervision with sensible working hours and
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: NOL education is prioritized as well of ensuring schooling hours
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: and tutors on sets. So it's a it's a very
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: good time if one was to be an actor as
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: a working actor as a kid. It's a safer time
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: to do it now than ed Her has been. So
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: we're very lucky.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Does it make you feel like as you grow? As
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: we're talking about this pizza movie, which is the premises
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: that you guys have, I'm not really giving anything away, right.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Right, So you guys are hard to it's a wild movie.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You're taking a drug. Is it the five DM e oot?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Is that the drug you're taking?
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Or is it an experimental fictional drug that is found
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: and left there by the previous tenant of the dorm
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: that they both find and after a really crappy day
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: they both have uh and my character Jack looking to
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: get obliterated. As a lot of college age's to they agree,
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: after minimal research, to take this drug, only to come
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: to terms with the fact that it's actually going to
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: cause a hellish nightmare of an evening unless they fill
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: their stomachs with.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Food pizza to be more specific.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: It's to be more specific. The plot conveniences is referenced
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: and very much understandable. You gotta watch it. They we're aware.
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: It's a simple enough structure that you can watch it
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: while probably very stoned, right.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, of course you kidding, it's the ideal way to
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: do so.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Now, do you feel pressure for being in a public
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: figure as a child growing up into an adult Now
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: that you're twenty three years old, do you or have
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: you felt pressure about your image and maintaining this kind
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: of like childlike image, Like are you freely allowed to
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: talk about drugs? Do you freely talk about drugs? Like
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: now that all that stuff is legal? Like, how does
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: one in your position approach that?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: That's a good question, I think was also this is
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: a testament to the standards that people hold towards child actors,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: which is I think back a long time ago, I
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: would really suggest a lot of times the image of
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: child actors growing up and kind of ruining whatever it
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: is that they had built was kind of encouraged from
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: a media standpoint. They wanted to look for those stories,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: and they were almost excited by that tabloid and so
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: anything that they could to kind of switch it around
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: towards that department was kind of prioritized. I think a
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: lot of times kids did struggle, but a lot of it,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: if you'll talk to people who grew up in the industry,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: was very much overblown or even fabricated. And now I
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: think because interaction between public figures and the people that
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: enjoy what they do for a living is kind of
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: more personal rather than there's no likeman of middleman of
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: media like telling you what to think about people. You
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: can kind of just say it outwardly, how you feel
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: about something, your perspective on things. There's not really a
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: desire to see kids go through obliterating your self image,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: which is refreshing. But nowadays it's somebody who's nineteen in
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: college just has a picture of them smoking a joint.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, yeah, I did too in college. There
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: isn't really anything super, it's not really a tablet anymore.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: So I guess talking about stuff like that openly has
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: been less of a of a faux power, less stressful
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: of late, when there's a lot more understanding around the subject.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm wondering if there's a relationship between that and
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: social media, because for sure, during the Britney Spears Lindsay
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Loewen era, like there was not that was right before
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: all of social media began. So I wonder if now
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: because that there's so much less mistique behind everyone, like
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: you kind of are. And also cannabis is legal now.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: But also media was so much more I have to
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: acknowledge because it was so much more aggressively unkind to
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: young women in the industry than it was to the
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: men constantly. So it's not like I could just be like,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: it's great, no, when there are female colleagues of mine
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: who consistently have to deal with not just a lot
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: more pressure, but predatory behavior for media still, so that's
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: a whole different ballgame. I'm very I acknowledge that that
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of privilege that comes along with me
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: saying it's better now for me. It is. I'm very
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: lucky in that position, but there's still a lot of
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: work to go in that department.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, good for you for saying that, You're absolutely right,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: this is the difference between men under forty and men
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: over forty or No, I think that the iPhone update
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: hasn't hit men over fifty, like they need an iPhone
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: update about wokeness, about terminology, about respecting other people's differences,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: and then men I think, like below the age of
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: forty seem to be much more with it. Maybe thirty, maybe,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: or such a different generation. I'm just trying to include
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: the guy I'm dating right now. But you know what
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's thirty seven, so it doesn't really work
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: that way. Yeah, slack Gayton, you've been with your girlfriend?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Can we talk about your girlfriend?
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Are you cool to general? I love I love that girl.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You've been all You've been together for eight years?
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah we have?
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: What the so? You started dating when you were nine?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: It seems like it we were fifteen we started dating.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: You're the nuts.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: How did you meet?
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: We went to school together, just regular school. Went to
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: school we went, and we grew up in the same
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: hometown in New Jersey.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: In Jersey, I'm from Jersey, I'm from living Where are
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you from?
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Oh? Cool, I'm from Do you hear of tupert in
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: New Jersey?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: It's so fucking weird there.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: So it's down south. It's about ten minutes inland of LBI.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: There are so many cities in New Jersey that I've
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: never heard of. Mean, while it's one of the smallest,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: very tiny towns, you too, You just I'm constantly meeting
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: people from cities I've never heard of, and I grew
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: up there, so strange.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: It's a bigger state than people realize. I guess, so
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: for sure, I guess at the people.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: So you grew up by LBI.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, far about like twenty minute drive.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: What do you think is the most New Jersey thing
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: about you?
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: Oh man, that's a good question. I fully believe that
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Central Jersey exists, and there's a debate there, like, do
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: you ever hear this debate as that Central Jersey doesn't
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: really exist as a place.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I think I missed that.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: You don't know this debate? No, tell me, well, there's
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: a debate that Central Jersey doesn't exist. And I just
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: am in the boat that you can't really call Princeton
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: or Trenton or Red Bank. You can't call them North
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: or South Jersey. Okay, it just wouldn't make sense. So
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I think that they lie in Central Jersey, and people
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: from Central Jersey usually across the board. I can't speak
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: for everyone. Firmly believe it exists. There is a pretty
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: firm dividing line. But also, do you know the pork
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: roll tailor Ham debate?
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Excuse me.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: On Chelsea, the pork roll Tailorham debate? No, you know
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: the substance pork roll? I can only call it a substance.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you can yes, I don't know what this
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: is as a Midwestern le is.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: A processed meat product usually made in a classic breakfast sandwich,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: which is like classic like meat, egg and cheese combo.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: It's pork, legg and cheese you fried up. It's it
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: looks to the eye like baloney, but has more of
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: a I'm trying to think of the text. It's got
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: more of a band to it, like spam. It's it's
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: like spam, but kind of bitey. You're not as mushy,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: and it's very salty. I feel like if you grow
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: up with it, you love it. If you've never had
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: it before, you're like, what is the sensory overload? I'm
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: obsessed with it. I do a little ketch of salt
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: and pepper as well. But people from South Jersey usually
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: call it pork roll and people from North Jersey call
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: it tailor Ham, and I'm in the pork roll.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: But I see, okay, pork versus Taylor Ham. Okay, thank
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: you for breaking that down.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: This is true. Absolutely, this is a great little Jersey seminar.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I know this is fun, but also the team. There's
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: a big debate on like what reasonably what sports teams
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: you should like. Ok So, I grew up in Philly Territory,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: but my dad's from Patterson, and so I'm New York
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: sports across the board because he grew up up north
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: where New York sports were the thing but now but
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: is Also, the Devils are like one of Jersey's only teams,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: so it's like people dog on me for not being
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: a Devil's fan because I grew up in Jersey and
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: there's not many Jersey teams, but it's inherited. So a
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: bunch of new fun funk topics.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: What about baseball? Who are you into baseball? Mets or Yankees?
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Mets? I'm a Mets guy.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm a Mets person too. I think that's a
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Jersey thing.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Most Jersey is a very Jersey long island.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then what about but what about the Knicks?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: I love the Knicks for sure. I don't watch a
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: lot of basketball, but when I do, I root for
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: the Knicks for sure. I don't want to like claim
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I know a ton. I'm a big hockey guy more
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: than anything. Oh that's funny.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: We just bet on a hockey game. The guy I'm
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: dating is a big gambler, so I like to gamble
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: he likes and whatever cities I'm in and I just
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: we just bet on our first hockey game. What city
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: was I fum not Cleveland, Columbus.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Columbia Jackets. Yeah, Jackets, and we won. Yeah you won. Yeah,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: they've been on a heater. They've been very good of late,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: which is fun to watch because that that team deserves it.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: They've been very bad for a very long time, so
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: it's good to say.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Well, well, the name like blue jackets. I mean, how
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: far can you get?
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: No, they're cool. Every time they score a goal of
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: cannon fires in the stadium.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Really in an ice rain. That's interesting.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Well not like there's no projectile within the cannon, but
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: like there's like a cannon fire and it's cool, and
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: all their theening is like they're based off of like
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: the Blue Jackets that the American army warder in the Revolution. Yeah, yeah, there's.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: A military reference. I remember looking this up because I
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: was like, is this racist? Okay, back to your back
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: to your girlfriend eight years? I want to know, so,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: how does one I can't believe you've survived this long
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: with your your relationship from that from that word, from
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: that young age. Well, the two of you, I mean,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: not one of you, I mean to stick together. She's
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: an actor to you've managed to stay together for eight years.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's very unusual. So let's discuss how how
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: that works for you.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: It's great, Well, we communicate really really well, and I think,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: look a big keto is thriving through distance, and that's
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: kind of what we were like thrust into early on
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: was I was working on the show, and she was
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: also simultaneously pursuing and starting her own career in a
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: similar industry, in the same industry, So so much of
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: our work has to do with us leaving the city
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: and being able to communicate through that and do it
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: very well. Was kind of a telltale sign that this
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: was working pretty well, because it's very rare that I
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: think it can feel good, because that's usually what like
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: a lot of times, long distance relationships usually just get
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: like they fizzle out because it's so hard not being
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: in the same city as the as your person. And
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: what's great is that our home base is the same,
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: so anytime we go and travel for work, we know
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: we're coming back to each other here in the city.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you don't live together.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: We all live together. We live very close to each other.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, well that might be another reason why it's working
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: out so well, because I do think I'm with you
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: on the distance. Yeah, I only like one by so
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I like that. I think it's good to miss people.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: It makes you appreciate it.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Why.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: It is hard, but it's worth it, I think, because
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: you know, when I'm working, I don't really want anybody
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: up my ass. I want to be like alone when
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: I'm working.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I think because we work in the same industry that
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: that is something that comes kind it's such a weird
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: industry to make your living doing. It's such a weird
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: one that not a lot of people know the ins
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: and outs of. And so we both work in similar
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: environments and we can talk about each other's day to
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: each other. It's very rare you'll come across the person
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: who kind of gets what that looks like, and so
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: that also helps quite a bit.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: But it's also very rare. I mean it's not it's
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: not completely unheard of, but it's very rare to grow
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: up with someone because that's essentially what you guys have done.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: If you met when you were fifteen years old in
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: high school and now you're twenty three like that is
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: crazy because you've seen each other kind of, you know,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: become a young man and a young woman.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: We became adults together. It's bizarre.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's nice. I'm glad to hear that. Good
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: for you. Congrats on your relationship and the success of it.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much. I appreciate it very much. She's
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: a wonderful woman. I hope you get to meet it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: She's really cool.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I'm sure one day I will. I am sure I will.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: We're going to about to go into the advice section
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: of this, but on the subject of advice, can you
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: think of the worst piece of advice you've ever gotten?
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: That's a really good question.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I have one, I'll start.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Please shoot, Well, I don't know if.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I've said this on this podcast, but maybe I don't
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: think so. I'm sure I said it on someone else's.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I was did stand up for the very first time
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: of my life. I got a DUI when I was
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: twenty one years old. Congrats on not getting one of those.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nephew much.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: You're welcome. And I had to go to dui school
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: where they would make everyone get up and tell your
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: dui story.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: At this class, I was very very scared of public speaking,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: very scared to get up. I had never thought about
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: doing anything like that. Like I came to Hollywood and
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I just thought someone would just decide that I should
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: be successful or famous, and I instead would hide every
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: week during the class because I was so nervous about
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: speaking publicly and telling my Dui story, which was absolutely
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: absurd and ridiculous. I was literally in front of my
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: house and didn't know it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I go to Dui School, which is every
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Thursday where they shame you. Basically you know about your dui,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: which is appropriate, but they also weirdly teach you how
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: to get out of your next one if and when
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you do, they're.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: Like, oh good, that seems like an interesting route to
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: take where it's like.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: This, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was like,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: they were like, you know what, if you do get
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: cat they go if you do get caught, just no
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: matter what. As soon as you admit to one drink
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: then they have the right to pull you out and
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: give you a sobriety test. And I was like, uh, huh, okay,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: this guy seems like he's on our team.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: This is a program for and by peoples.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, exactly. So then anyway, I got up on
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: stage at the very last class. I was trying to
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: avoid it. He caught me. I get on stage. I
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: tell my Dui story, which was crazy and silly, and
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I spent like two days in women's prison because the
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: systems had shut down so I couldn't get bailed out.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I called the cop racist. We were both white, like
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: it was just a hot meat. So I get on
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: this stage. I'm telling this story, thank you, and everyone
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: is laughing. And I get off stage and like a
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: few people came up to me and they're like, hey,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: you're really funny. You should do stand up comedy. You
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: should do it. And I was like, oh, I had
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: never thought about it. I was like, okay, I'll take advice.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I was like that that might be a good outlet
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: for me. So I go theto like the next week,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I go to the Laugh Factory. You have to wait
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: in line, and I get on stage and then Jamie Massado,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: who runs the laugh Factory, comes and reviews your performance.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: And after I did my three minute set, he told
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: me that I should wear a bird on my shoulder
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: or I should have a bird on my shoulder to
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: set me apart from other pretty girls. And I thought,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: that's I knew in that moment, this is some of
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: the worst advice I've ever got.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Wait, what was that a figurative bird?
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: No, it was a bird. He said, I should get
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: something to put on my shoulder, perhaps a bird.
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: Because this was like back in the day when like
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: people would wear a silly hat or they.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: Like like a visual yes.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, a gimmick. And so that was bad.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: You got any sound bad? One thing that I got,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: And the thing is is that I think this piece
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: of advice is coming from a very good place, and
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: I think that for some people it would work if
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: their goals aligned with this, but it just didn't for me.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: One thing that somebody told me, like, right as Stranger
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Things was getting very popular, a lot of people started
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: to recognize me as Dustin from Stranger Things, which continues
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: to happen and will continue to happen as far as
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: people notice me from the things I do. That will
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: be the primary thing they mentioned, which I love completely
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: fine with the advice I got was right it like
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: to the end of the Earth, play characters like that
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: always and forever, and don't try to do anything else
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: because it'll come across his lane. I was like, what
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: he's like, just be that, Just do that and you'll
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: work as long as you could possibly want to if
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: you just do that. Guy so basically become pigeonholed kind of. Yes,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: he was like, I know people are got to tell
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: you not to, but do it. It's a guarantee of
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: consistent work. And I understand that mindset. I understand because
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: like and you know what to give and credit. A
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: lot of the things that would come through throughout my
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: filming process of that were just things I'd seen before,
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Like we saw you do this, and we know you
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: have this in your toolbox, can you come and do
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: it here? And I understand that segue because a lot
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: of people spend so much of their time trying to
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: find a way to make consistent work doing this. But
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: the way I started to look at it was I
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: found myself in a very fortunate, very lucky position, having
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: worked on a show as successful as Stranger Things, that
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: now I actually have the option and the ability to
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: decide what it is I would like to work on
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: and how I would like to represent myself as an
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: actor outside of it. And so kind of a part
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: of me was I took that. I was like, I
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: don't really think that that would make me very happy,
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: and I have the ability to work with the priority
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: of making myself happy, which I'm very fortunate to be
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: in that situation. So now I kind of weirdly approach
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: of shit with the polar opposite mindset, and if I
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: see something I've done before, I probably will not be
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: very interested in it, and I really only gravitate towards
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: things that seemed like they would be a pretty stark challenge. Yeah,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: so maybe it did inherently kind of give me a
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: bit of like reverse psychology of like I'll show you.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Was it an actor that I gave you that advice?
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: This was a producer? They said, It feels like this
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: was just somebody at a cocktail party that whose name
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I don't really remember, right, and they were like, let
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: me tell you something.
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, but also like what forest sight to
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: hear that and be like, oh no, no, that's actually
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: not good advice for me.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I think after hearing it, I immediately knew for me,
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: I was like, ah, I'm good in that department, which, yeah,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: so that was for me some of the worst advice
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I think I got.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: That's good bad advice. Thank you for Okay, what do
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: we got, Catherine?
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Right, Well, we have some advice questions. Our first one
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: is our one drink question. My bestie won't stop sending
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: me AI slod memes that she quote made.
• 34:02
  Speaker 6: She'll make them of.
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: Us, showing us doing something silly. She'll make them of
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: some offhand comment one of us made. The thing is
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: they're never funny, and I feel guilty about the harm
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: it's doing to the planet to make personalized memes that
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: are deeply stupid. How do I ask her to stop
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: sending these without hurting her feelings?
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Yana?
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: Blame it on the planet, Yana, just blame It's a start.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: You should just go. First of all, you can go
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: and find out exactly what happens anytime you ask any
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: of these AI platforms for ask them a question, tell
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: them what happens on one of these lithium farms. Hopefully
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: you don't have to go on one of these AI
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: things to get the answer, because that answer for it,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: they will tell you I did to do it. It
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: will tell you, Hey, I will tell you how mad
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just send to them immediately without any other response.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: Just send them the estimated amount of water it took
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: to make that meme exactly and just send that back.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: That's a really fun That's a great new way. Like
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: the conversation around that has been dominated when really the
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: internal vibe is really I just don't want to deal
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: this is insufferable. Please don't do this. I think sometimes
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: you just got to hurt people's stealings.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I also, but I also think that this is a
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: great way to end all of it. Like you sending
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: her that back is pretty clear about we I don't
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: want to see these anymore.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: Also just say that I don't enjoy.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: This, forget about the content. But I think there's a
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: bigger like there's an opportunity to say two things. I
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: don't like this, and I also am against using AI
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: for stupid shit like this. I mean, I try not
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: to use AI ever, once I found out what that
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: was entailed.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's a pretty new conversation.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like people are being affected in rural communities where
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: they're building these lithium farms. They can't get clean water.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: It's pretty bad, so that should be it.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: It's pretty hardcore. Yeah, so that's I think enough. But
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: I do understand that the personal dilemma comes from good, Lord,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: do I find these I'm funny? Yeah, And that's a
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: different conversation because that might be bound to come up,
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: like you can say it's about the water waste, which
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: is very much valid concern, But then you know, and
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: it's gonna shift. You know, it's gonna be like, but
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: you like the memes right, right? And then not so
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: much answer that lie? Yeah, maybe just white lie.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: No.
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: I think you go full throttle.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: If you tell them that you don't find them funny
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: and they get past it and are okay with it.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: In the long run, they're a good friend.
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: They'll be fad you know what, I think you're funny.
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: I don't think the memes are funny.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: That's even if that's a lie, that's also good.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I have a friend who forwards me videos that are
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: very unfunny and I never respond and they stopped you. Yeah,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is not funny, and I can't
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: even respond because I don't have the energy to even
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: tell you that.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: I love when my mom will send me a video
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: and it's clearly AI that's a classic. Oh, I love
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: it so much. I remember I was over for Christmas
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: and she shows me this video of a cat swatting
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: a bear in their backyard. And it's like, to watch
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: this cat save this toddler from this bear in the backyard, Like, Mom,
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: this is insane that you think this is real. To day,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: I's like, no, it's not so is and it was funny.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: She didn't like fight me on it. It dawned on
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: her instantly, she accepted her fate fully outright. I said,
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: this is Ai. She went, that makes sense. Okay, great,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: thank you so much.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: It's also like you when you see humpback whale jump
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: onto a boat, like, obviously you should fucking know that
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: that's not serious, right, you know.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: That would have that would have hit news, That would
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: have broke news to the back whale destroyed a boat
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: in the open ocean.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I kept so, I kept sending my friend these pictures
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: of these trains, like in Lapland. I just got back
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: from Lapland, Finland, because I wanted to see the northern lights.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Was it was gorgeous. It was absolutely stunning, stunning.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: I did Evollo. I don't know if that's close, but
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: ivollos up in the Arctic Circle. Oh my I went
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: with my family to hopefully see the Northern lights, which
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: we did not, but it was still a wonderful trip.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry didn't get to see those.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: It's okay.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: It's a long way to go.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: We ate cool food and went like scurrying through the
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: woods with reindeer. It was awesome.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's lots of reindeer. I didn't know reindeer were
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: real until I got to Lapland.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: They're small too. They're like big dogs.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Oh really, I didn't get to see any.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: They're like very large dogs. Wow, they're like waist height.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We were with a lot of reindeer farmers and
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: they're on the menu, so I think.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: Actually, I ate up bit of reindeer. Yeah.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean when you're you know, when you're there,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: you might as well do it. And in Lapland, yeah,
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: in Lapland or in the Arctic Circle.
• 38:34
  Speaker 7: Well.
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: Our first caller today is Emma. She says, my best
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: friend is dating a monster and it's pushing us apart.
• 38:41
  Speaker 6: We've been a sibling since we were kids.
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: Sam male thirty seven, started dating this woman about two
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: years ago. Funnily enough, my friend group actually introduced them.
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: She's quite a bit younger twenty four, so it didn't
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: even occur to us that something serious would come from it.
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: But boy, were we wrong.
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: They moved pretty fast and within a couple months she
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: was with him all the time. We were a tight
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: knit group, so all of a sudden, the girls and
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: I couldn't do anything without her being pushed on us
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: by Sam. We're a welcoming group, but that was the
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: first red flag. Sam's super charismatic, but when he'd be
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: his sweet, silly self, she would roll her eyes and
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: tell him to stop because it was embarrassing to her.
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: Cut to a few more months in and Sam is
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: crying to us drunk about how hateful she is, not
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: just to him, but to the people in his life.
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: The next weekend, it's as if nothing is wrong. The
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: final straw was when she started posting fantake a marriage
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: stuff incessantly on socials. My best friend in our group
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: is a lesbian, so basically this resulted in us confronting
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: Sam and saying, how can you actually be with someone
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: who thinks this way and told him she's not welcome
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: in my home. This has led to Sam hanging out
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: with us solo and he's just not himself anymore. I
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: don't want to lose him, but I don't know how
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: to navigate this phase of our friendship.
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: I know love is blind, but my god, this is
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: hard to watch.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: Emma. What do you think, Kayton? What do you have
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: to say about this?
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: I do love that so much of the conversation has
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: slipped towards understanding that it is like days were numbered,
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: that this continues, and like being very well aware to
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: like prioritize yourself in the situation that you can lead
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: a horse to water and you can't make them drink,
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: and like whether it makes them happy, makes them happy
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: if that's what they insist on. I mean, it's very
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: clear that this person doesn't seem super stoked about the
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: situation that they're in. But a lot of times jumping
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: out of those can feel very complicated. So I think that, yeah,
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: prioritizing the friends that are being actively affected by the
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: toxicity of it is a great call, and starting with
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: that of maybe approaching the conversation to Sam with a
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: bit of an immediate accountability, an immediate like consequence, or
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: an ultimatum of understanding, like, hey, this is negatively affecting
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: people that we all collectively care about and to not
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: acknowledge is selfish, And it's kind of just bringing up
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: the point of, like, do you want to give up
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: something with so much history, with so many people, with
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: so much love involved, for the sake of of one
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: thing that obviously is clearly not benefiting your mental health.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: Maybe like putting it into a perspective of that of
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: choosing one over a whole bunch of other great stuff
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: that's already been in your life is a way to
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: approach the beginning of that conversation. It's gonna suck. It's
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: not going to be a fun conversation.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: What conversations have you had thus far?
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: Emma?
• 41:19
  Speaker 7: About like six months ago, we kind of did give
• 41:22
  Speaker 7: him the come to Jesus talk of being like, hey,
• 41:25
  Speaker 7: this is exactly what you said, Like, this is the
• 41:27
  Speaker 7: stuff that she's saying behind your back, This is the
• 41:29
  Speaker 7: stuff that she's because we all it's kind of like
• 41:32
  Speaker 7: a bunch of mutual friends and all that, So like
• 41:35
  Speaker 7: she's going and saying things hateful about even us to
• 41:40
  Speaker 7: other people that she thinks isn't going to get back
• 41:42
  Speaker 7: to us. But they're like, hey, this girl's sucks, and
• 41:44
  Speaker 7: she's like tearing y'all down every time that you know
• 41:48
  Speaker 7: she can. And so it basically came to us being like, hey, Sam,
• 41:52
  Speaker 7: she's saying this stuff. It's pretty bad, Like I don't
• 41:54
  Speaker 7: want her around anymore. And all that did was make
• 41:58
  Speaker 7: her or make him go to his girl friend and say, hey,
• 42:01
  Speaker 7: they're saying all this stuff. She says they're lying. And
• 42:04
  Speaker 7: then now we just don't overlap at all. And that's
• 42:11
  Speaker 7: my question, is is this like the way it has
• 42:13
  Speaker 7: to be?
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: Now?
• 42:14
  Speaker 7: Just being an authentic is really hard for me to do.
• 42:17
  Speaker 7: And it's just like now I just get to see
• 42:19
  Speaker 7: my you know once like close to my brother basically
• 42:23
  Speaker 7: as a friend, like once a month if that, and
• 42:25
  Speaker 7: he's just texting her the whole time because she's asking
• 42:28
  Speaker 7: what he's doing. So it's like now the friendship is
• 42:30
  Speaker 7: kind of like half watered down. They've been together two years,
• 42:33
  Speaker 7: spam like they're about to get married.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Oh that's the thing that's gonna happen soon.
• 42:38
  Speaker 7: Well I assume they're not in Page dry, but like,
• 42:41
  Speaker 7: you know, the writing is on the wall, and it's
• 42:43
  Speaker 7: like do I just keep on living like this? And
• 42:46
  Speaker 7: just you know, everyone's in mon get a little bit
• 42:48
  Speaker 7: too liquored up and tell him that his girlfriend sacks.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: That's what's so frustrating about it is that this whole situation,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: as far as outcomes, goes completely up to Sam, you
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like you can you can lay
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: out your concern to Sam and go over of course,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you've gone over the details as to what
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: is clearly toxic about the situation, not only about behaviors
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: on his part, but also of the toxicity involved on
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: her part and the way she thinks about the world
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: around her and how negatively that affects people Sam already loves,
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: which is a real shame. But when you're placing the
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: situation that ultimately is going to be his decision no
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: matter how much you lay it out, and if it's
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: not getting through and it's just consistently sucking all the time,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: then maybe letting that be known to Sam would be like,
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: this is getting to be too much for me or
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: us to actively contribute to on a regular basis, and
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: so it's not something we can consistently involve ourselves in anymore,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: and that's gonna suck. That's a terrible conversation to have,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: But maybe it's the wake up call that Sam needs
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: and if it doesn't, then that's lame of Sam. And
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: then then maybe that's not a person you want to
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: actively have very consistent friendship with if they're not willing
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: to go up to bat for the people that they love.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's also toxic. You're in a toxic situation because
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: she's like talking about you behind your back, you and
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: your group of friends. She's treating him badly, So like
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: that's all toxicity and if it's leading to marriage, then
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: like that's a good reason to back away from that relationship.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Like I would say, while that's sad, I just don't
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: think there's room in this current state of affairs that
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: we're all living in for any extra negative energy. Like
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: there's just no reason for it. You have to be
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: around people that love you and that you love, and
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: you have to be nice to strangers and everyone, and
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like we're doubling down on
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: kindness and love in my opinion, to kind of counteract
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: all the darkness that's out there. So you don't have
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: time for this kind of drama. And I would I
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: would just let him know that in a really loving way,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: like I really love you, I care about our friendship.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: We talked to you about this six months ago. I
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: don't want to give you an ultimatum. I'm your friend,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: not your girlfriend, but this relationship doesn't sit well. You know,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: whether you do it with a group of your friends,
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: I mean that kind of feels like ganging up, So
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: it's probably better individually. And whether you want to write
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: him an email and play it out or just talk
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: to him is also a decision that you should make.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: But you should come from a really loving place and
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: just be really honest, like, I'm sorry, it's really hard
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: to watch you with her, And now that I see
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: you guys getting more and more serious, I feel like
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: there's a level of toxicity I don't feel comfortable with.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to know I'm always here
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: for you, but while she's in your life, like, I
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: just don't feel comfortable having the same level of friendship
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: we used to have well.
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: And then just also that you're concerned for him.
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: But I like what you said about like maybe each
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: individually or you know, a couple of you at a
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: time checking in with him, talking to him about like,
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: is this really what you want for your life? Because
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: I know that sometimes it takes more than just like
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: once or twice saying something. When somebody's hearing something from
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: all different avenues and all these different people who love them,
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: it can really make the difference of like maybe it
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: is time to take a break or leave the situation.
• 46:04
  Speaker 7: I hear you, guys, one hundred percent. I think that
• 46:07
  Speaker 7: that is good advice. I think that's what really what
• 46:09
  Speaker 7: I was looking for is like, am I doing the
• 46:11
  Speaker 7: most compassionate thing because it feels bad to like not
• 46:14
  Speaker 7: be supportive of my best friends a person that he
• 46:17
  Speaker 7: you know, is very serious about. But it is just
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: like watching it, it just feels like he's like he's so
• 46:22
  Speaker 7: special and wonderful, and it's like it feels like he's
• 46:24
  Speaker 7: just staying with somebody because he doesn't think that he
• 46:26
  Speaker 7: can do any better and he knows that like they'll
• 46:30
  Speaker 7: never leave. So it's like boom, he's got it in
• 46:32
  Speaker 7: the bag at this point. You know, he's got companionship,
• 46:35
  Speaker 7: no matter if it's like a quality one or not.
• 46:38
  Speaker 7: But yeah, like the way that things are like currently,
• 46:41
  Speaker 7: I can't like I just can't justify I don't know,
• 46:45
  Speaker 7: being around so because I thought like should I just
• 46:47
  Speaker 7: bite the bullet and like still invite her over sometimes
• 46:49
  Speaker 7: and just be like, Okay, this is if this means
• 46:51
  Speaker 7: I get to see my friend more than like maybe
• 46:53
  Speaker 7: I should be the bigger person.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes that's worse.
• 46:56
  Speaker 7: Sometimes that right, because sometimes that's that's like totally the
• 46:59
  Speaker 7: way to go. But it's just it's just like I
• 47:01
  Speaker 7: tried that for you know, before we came out and
• 47:03
  Speaker 7: you know, did the big intervention. I was like, just
• 47:05
  Speaker 7: get over it, you know, But then she would just
• 47:07
  Speaker 7: be mean to just she'd see a girl walk by
• 47:09
  Speaker 7: and say something mean about her, you know, say something mean,
• 47:14
  Speaker 7: and I was like, oh, well I can't. I actually
• 47:16
  Speaker 7: can't do this. So yeah, I think take that back.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Right, what's what's the age gap between them?
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: Oh, you're like twelve years.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Twelve years, that's a pretty big one.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: She's older and younger. She's twenty four.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: No, she's younger. So be just a situation of maybe
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: just then being out of because sometimes that works, right,
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes that's it's like and people are in very
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: similar places in their lives and level of the maturity
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: where it's just like, great, this is is as actively working.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: But maybe it's just a situation where they're just out
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: of sync in the periods of their lives that they
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: are like maybe like at twenty four, she's just still
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: in a phase of just kind of being more goanlessly
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I've I've been there, like I've done that, and be like, okay, great,
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: this's just like things you learn over time of what
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: was something maybe you grow out of. But that's not
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: an excuse for her crazy beliefs that are in juxtaposition
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: to the safety and happiness of already established friendships, which
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: is a shame. I also would maybe approach the conversation
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: and maybe a compliment sandwich kind of a way of
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: maybe reminding Sam about the person that you loved and
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: the person you grew up loving, and and traits that
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: you miss and consistencies that you miss and kind of
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: a zest for life and friendship that you haven't quite
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: seen in a while that maybe he could use a
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: reminder of. Especially she's texting him when he's like out
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: when she's not there, Like it's constantly about one thing
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: where he is. It doesn't seem like she has the
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: most trusting way. She probably is, right, Yeah, it's a
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: big age gap too, that's especially at that period of life.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Like I think age gaps as you get older is
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: probably less of a concern, but when early twenties for exist,
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: that's a big chunk. Very different people at different points
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: of their lives.
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so what do.
• 49:04
  Speaker 7: You guys recommend? Like, if he says so we got engaged,
• 49:08
  Speaker 7: what is like the good thing to respond there?
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: You think?
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: I think initially I think it's just congratulations, leave it alone,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: and then like, don't rain on his parade in his moment,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: let him just have that. And then when it comes
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: around again, when he comes around again or there's plans,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: I think then you lay it out and be like, listen,
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to do whatever you want. Obviously you're
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: the decision maker in your life. But this is where
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: I stand. I've just seen too much and I've heard
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: too many things like you know, you say examples, and
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: I care so much about you, but it's a very
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: toxic situation to me, and I'm not interested in being
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: a part of it.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: I think that's would all be a very good conversation
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: to have before any engagement happens, because.
• 49:50
  Speaker 6: After that people feel kind of locked in.
• 49:52
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of insane to tolerate somebody a life
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: who's a potential life partner of yours or homophobia when
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: a friend of yours is a member of the community.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: That's such a crazy thing to look over. That would
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: be why is it not an immediate red flag?
• 50:09
  Speaker 5: That was our immediate red flag? Like, what's going to happen?
• 50:12
  Speaker 7: You know, hypothetically if people like that have kids, Like
• 50:16
  Speaker 7: what all guys have y'all talked about that, Like what
• 50:18
  Speaker 7: if you're Because I've asked him, I'm like, what if
• 50:20
  Speaker 7: y'all's kid is gay? And he just went, yeah, I
• 50:22
  Speaker 7: don't know how she'd feel about that, And I'm like,
• 50:24
  Speaker 7: maybe you should ask.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Maybe maybe this should be an immediate like that. That
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: should be a non starter if you, especially if you
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: have people in your life.
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: I totally agree, plain and simple, it.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Should be a non starter across the board. But it's
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: kind of lazy and for lack of a better word
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: and bare minimum of a word, really unfortunate on his
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: part to not stand up for not just his friends,
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: but for a community of people that he has contributed
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: to supporting it before this, that's lame.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: If they're not engaged yet, I would just like take it.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I would do try and do something sooner than later.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: So that they're not engaged or you say, this not
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: necessary that you're going to stop it, but just so
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: that you have a clear conscience, and like just spell
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: it out for him and you know, and again be like,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: I'm here for you. I just I really don't want
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: anything to do with this person. We've all had exposure
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: to her for a long time now, and you know whatever,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: and all the reasons and that's it. And then let
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: him decide if it's going to have an impact on him.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: It most likely won't, but that's okay. You're at least
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: standing up for something.
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I hear you, guys.
• 51:24
  Speaker 7: I think that's a really good way to go about it,
• 51:26
  Speaker 7: just kind of drawing that boundary, right and just being like,
• 51:28
  Speaker 7: this is what I'm willing to put up with. If
• 51:30
  Speaker 7: you want to live your life putting up with that,
• 51:32
  Speaker 7: then that's on you. But we don't have.
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: To do it.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: It is his decision ultimately. But bringing up things, Yeah,
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: just bringing up the kind of person that you miss,
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: I think is a great way of bringing up himself too.
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah right, well, Emma, will you keep us posted after
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: you guys talk?
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I can definitely do that.
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: Awesome, Well, thank you so much for calling in updates, pass.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet.
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: All right, well, Mimi, says dear Chelsea. My two high
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: school best friends and I are all on the cusp
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: of turning forty. We live in different states, and every
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: couple of years we try to get away together. They
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: both turn forty in October. Money is tight for both
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: of them because of kids and life stuff, but it's
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: such a milestone.
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: I'd love to get.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: Another Gals weekend on the schedule. I'm by no means rich,
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: but I do well enough that I have a savings cushion.
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: I've been toying with the idea of gifting them each
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: a chunk of money with the intent of going on
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: a fun trip to celebrate their big day. Do you
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: think this is a good idea or could giving money
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: to friends cause issues? Do I give them money with
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: the caveat of putting it toward travel or just give
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: it as a gift. One of my favorite things about
• 52:43
  Speaker 4: you is how generous you are with your friends and family.
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but sometimes I think,
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: what good is a savings account if I don't use it.
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: I'm married but child free, so this is kind of
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: a use it. Or lose its situation. Life is short
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: and I want to spend quality time with the people
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: I love to celebrate their big moments.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Me me me, me me, Hi. I love your generosity.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: That's so sweet and thoughtful.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: This is a really good I think it's a good
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: problem to have.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: Is it's one of the good problems. I think you
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: should err on the side of giving the gift by
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: the vacation that they want to go on for their fortieth.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: Treat them to that vacation with you. Pay for the hotels,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: pay for the you know, if you can afford to
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: pay for their flights, great, But when you give people cash,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: it's that does set a little bit of a different
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: tone in that your relationship, especially when they're not asking
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: for it, and if they don't spend that money on
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: the trip, that can also cause some resentment from you
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: or like what you're expecting them to pay for? What
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: if they just blow the money one weekend and they
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: go away with their friend, Like, that's not what your
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: intention was. So I think what you can do to
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: celebrate both of their birthdays is to set up a
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: weekend and be like, listen, I know everything's tight, I'm
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: paying for this, I'll pay for your flights. I've got
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: the hotels. We're all set. All you have to do
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: is show up like that's a great gift and there's
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: nothing there's no loose hanging threads or anything weird happening.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I think putting it as a gift, I
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: think is a great way to start that because it
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: is for their birthday. It's a milestone birthday, like you're saying,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: and it's something that's become a bit of a tradition there.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: I think having the difficult parts of the conversation of
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: because when people talk about these things, maybe they'll you
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: don't want them to. I'm sure you don't want them
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: to go into the situation feeling as though like a
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: favor is owned that they need to return the favor
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: of anything. Being able to air that out before decisions
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: are made, being very upfront and I think tander's the
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: way to go here, be like, there's this is my
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: gift to you. I'm excited to do it. Let's put
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: any weird nuances of like, of any weird if he
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: am I going to need to pay this for? Is
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: this like good?
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: And just get it on the cable and be like,
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: I understand that these concerns. Throw those concerns out the window.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Let's have a good time because I would like to
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: do this for you. Is a great way of approaching that,
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: because I'm sure that's the way you may feel about it.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: But I also fully understand that approaching that would maybe
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: that might be a bit awkward on their part, But
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know you're dynamic with them, or if you
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: have conversations about this frequently.
• 55:12
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean I think it's like we've been friends forever,
• 55:14
  Speaker 8: Like they've seen me and my worst and you know
• 55:17
  Speaker 8: it's been twenty five years, right, So Like as I
• 55:21
  Speaker 8: thought about this, I was like, I don't want it
• 55:22
  Speaker 8: to come off as charity. I also know though that
• 55:25
  Speaker 8: like the spaces they're in right now, they would they
• 55:28
  Speaker 8: could do some good with the money, but also spin
• 55:30
  Speaker 8: it on that. But again, like Chelsea, like you're saying,
• 55:33
  Speaker 8: I don't want to have any kind of like resentment
• 55:35
  Speaker 8: if they don't use it in the way I've kind
• 55:37
  Speaker 8: of wanted to. So, like you're saying, if I just say, hey,
• 55:40
  Speaker 8: I'm going to pay for this for the hotels or
• 55:43
  Speaker 8: whatever it is, you know, I think last year my
• 55:45
  Speaker 8: mom was diagnosed with a cancer.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna have kids.
• 55:49
  Speaker 8: It's kind of like I've worked for where I'm at today,
• 55:53
  Speaker 8: what happens because life is short, right, Like I want
• 55:56
  Speaker 8: to do something with what I've worked for, So don't
• 56:00
  Speaker 8: know where my head was out was like that's your
• 56:02
  Speaker 8: pitch right there.
• 56:03
  Speaker 6: And birthday is a perfect excuse to just be like,
• 56:05
  Speaker 6: this is my gift. You know, this is what we're doing.
• 56:08
  Speaker 6: I would love to get this to you for your birthday.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: It's not just for them, it's for you as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: it's for it's for all of you, and so it's
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: an experience that you were also going to be having
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: as much as it is a gift to them, it's
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: a gift to just the testament of your friendship together.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: I think that that's lovely.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure love that easy problem.
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: Great problem problem to solve.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: You're a great friend, And thank you for your generosity.
• 56:31
  Speaker 6: And send us pictures of your vacation when you guys go.
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: Thanks so much, Mimi.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: By nice to meet you. Bye, nice to meet you.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, Kate, And you're such a pleasure. What are so sweet?
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna talk to you again more in depth.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like we got to talk a lot more
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: than we did. We did.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: So make sure you catches two new movies, Pizza Movie
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: and Animal Farm that will be out May first in
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: theaters and Pizza Movie is out on Hulu now. Okay
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: gate and have the best day to day.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, so much, Chelsea. I appreciate it.
• 57:02
  Speaker 5: Guys.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: It's good to see you again.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: You too, Kitty Bye bye.
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com.
• 57:10
  Speaker 6: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com