Latest / Resilience and Relationships (R&R) / Legacy: The Journey of Life and Love - Guest Dr. Greg Linkowski - - Resilience & Relationships (R&R) - Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders

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Legacy: The Journey of Life and Love - Guest Dr. Greg Linkowski - - Resilience & Relationships (R&R) - Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders · Resilience and Relationships (R&R)

• 0:17
  Stephanie Olson: Hello and welcome to resilience and relationships R and R. I'm Stephanie Olson. I'm here with Rebecca Saunders, yes. And we are so excited to have Dr Greg linkowski with us today. Dr lenkowski, Greg, what do you prefer to be called? How
• 0:34
  Unknown: about Greg? Greg? Okay.
• 0:34
  Unknown: And thank do that. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast, Stephanie, and
• 0:45
  Stephanie Olson: we are so glad that you're here. So tell us a little bit about yourself and why you think that this is a conversation that we should be having. Well,
• 0:55
  Unknown: there's, there's a lot of, I would say there's a lot of reasons we am blessed to be age 71 and unless something miraculous happens, I'm embracing the fact that I'm in my last quarter, and it's become increasingly apparent To me that what kind of legacy am I going to leave? And of course, we're at the age where we helped our parents go on to the next, the next part of eternity. We have seen put it this way in both of our careers. Lynn, my wife, Lynn, is a psychiatrist, still in practice part time, and I was a diagnostic radiologist, I happen to encounter many of the of the things that can happen to people. And so, you know, I have all of that in my in my I do have to say that without a doubt, the most important role that I have played in my life has been to be a husband, father, and I'm blessed with being having the title of being a grandfather, and so love that my question to myself is, what, what do I want to leave to pass on to the next generation? And look, we all understand our country is in a lot of turmoil, there's a lot of people far right, far left, that has helped me Give me more courage to come out and say, you know, I have a voice, and I deserve to be heard, and perhaps I have a few nuggets of wisdom that may be able To help other people who are going through very difficult situations like I've lived through, and I want to be able to share that in order to maybe help somebody navigate through a bit
• 2:52
  Stephanie Olson: a bit better. I love that legacy is so important. I personally don't have grandkids yet, but they say that grandkids are just a reward for not killing your own children
• 3:06
  Unknown: or getting killed
• 3:08
  Stephanie Olson: exactly so I love that, and legacy is important, because what we do today will have an impact on the future and future generations.
• 3:16
  Stephanie Olson: Now you wrote a book. Tell us a little bit about your book.
• 3:23
  Unknown: I wasn't thrilled initially about the notion of writing my autobiography, but here it is, shameless promotion.
• 3:31
  Unknown: Dare to thrive. Lessons learned from a trauma survivor.
• 3:35
  Unknown: Actually, believe it or not, I started writing and keeping notes and even cutting tapes on the old little, little cassette tapes
• 3:45
  Stephanie Olson: back in the day. Yes, yeah,
• 3:47
  Unknown: approximately 30 years ago, we were blessed with a daughter. We had. We had our daughter in 1990 and then just about three years later, we were blessed with a son, and we named him David. That's where a real tour through the valley of hell for our whole family, especially David began, but it didn't begin right. At his birth, we believed and assumed that he was healthy.
• 4:16
  Unknown: We had a couple of minor issues, you know, as an early infant.
• 4:21
  Unknown: But as it turns out, roughly about three and a half months of age, we discovered that he wasn't making eye contact with us, and so being cautious parents, we brought him into a well baby checkup with the pediatrician, and I got to tell you, that was I'll never forget that day. You know, we were there hoping to hear just reassurance, everything's fine.
• 4:44
  Unknown: Well, we watched the expression on the pediatrician's face change from his usual countenance to a look of very grave concern. And of course, we freaked out like, what's going on? Right? And he said, well.
• 4:57
  Unknown: I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son has a developmental delay, and look Stephanie and Rebecca even being physicians. I had no idea what that meant, right? It started us on a very long journey of stat CAT scan of David's head, a urgent visit to the pediatric neurologist and then subsequently metabolic geneticists, MRI, etc. Well, at about five months of age, seizures became part of David's life, and he had so many seizures, I remember counting one day seizures that I could see something like 158 seizures.
• 5:42
  Unknown: Oh my gosh, he was having probably many more than that, and it was very difficult to control them. Even the best doctors who took care of David never did come down with a definite diagnosis. It was just some unspecified problem with the development in his brain of the white matter, and we were basically left doing our best to take care of our precious son, who was functionally quadriplegic and very much like an infant, couldn't walk, couldn't talk, and that totally change our whole family dynamics in a way that is very hard to articulate. Yeah, but I will tell you folks out there who are maybe helping a parent who has was in his or her later years, or has a child with something or even a spouse, I'm hoping that I can connect with you, to give you more than an element of hope about that there is help out there, there is support that's available. And please do not try to do the journey alone. We went on and we were extremely fortunate. I mean, being doctors put us in the category where we had the ability to have connections and making sure that we got the best of care that we could get, but we also learned that we had to really advocate for our son, and even being in the medical system, some of our experiences were very painful, and so I've arrived at the notion that you have to fight like hell, yeah, to support those who you love, including yourself.
• 7:38
  Stephanie Olson: You know, that's a really excellent point, I think, when we're talking about especially in the medical field, because as doctors, you were questioning things. So for the majority of us who are not doctors, we still need to strongly advocate for ourselves.
• 7:53
  Stephanie Olson: And if we can't, we need to have support systems around us who can advocate, because it is so true. And I think there are a lot of stories I have one as well, where if you don't advocate for yourself, there could be real serious repercussions of that. So yeah, I appreciate that, yeah.
• 8:16
  Unknown: And also the importance of making sure that the health care team who is taking care of you and and your loved ones, yeah, that they're on your team.
• 8:26
  Unknown: I put a lot of trust in God, and I know God helped pull us through. I think it's so important to have some grounding in a faith walk. I'm telling you what has worked, what has brought comfort. And there's nothing like having a loving, caring network out there, and people often can find that at church, at a synagogue, at a temple, and it's important to have people who are on your side, yeah. And there's also so many groups out there, support groups, therapy available. So again, returning to the notion, don't try to do life alone. And I'm talking about even people who think they got it all together. Because if you do, good luck. You just haven't, you haven't had enough, enough seasoning. Really, we were very fortunate to have to be able to afford having a live in nanny for the vast majority of David's life, and so he was able to be home with us now. That was a blessing, and it was also, I'm sure, really difficult, because his older sister did not get all the attention and recognition and love that she needed. And as it turns out, David lived from 93 until 2002 I'm sorry, and our, you know, part of me. May sound really morbid, but part of me can't wait to read joy and David up in heaven, because I am totally, totally convinced that that's where his eternal destination has been. And
• 10:13
  Stephanie Olson: in your book, I love this, you talk about weaving together a tapestry of childhood struggles, family secrets and hard won victories and really the trauma and addiction and survival that you had to navigate. Can you share a little bit about that?
• 10:29
  Unknown: Sure. And then our son, Sammy, was born. I believe it was Oh god, I gotta be right 97 but he was born about four and a half years, roughly after David was born, I believe that at least, as the Father, I unknowingly probably placed more on sammy's shoulders than really what would have usually happened if he was simply the third child. Our hope and dream for Sammy was that he would grow up Find the right girl and marry and have more more grandchildren with which to fill our lives.
• 11:06
  Unknown: And of course, these were our hopes, our dreams, right, our fantasies. And then we found out when Sammy was about 15, that he happened to begin. In essence, there's kind of like a trifecta of reasons for me writing my story. There was a chapter.
• 11:24
  Unknown: There are two chapters devoted to David, which, far and away, is the main reason why I did write our story. Because I think it's a it's a novel story, and the fact that we also just celebrated our 42nd year of marriage, Oh, wow.
• 11:41
  Stephanie Olson: Thank Wow.
• 11:41
  Stephanie Olson: Thank
• 11:43
  Unknown: you. Not very many couples remain together after going through a situation like we all went through. And I'm very grateful that Lynn and I, although we have, do we have it all together? No, do we love each other, and are we both fighters and with the will to carry on and we do not give up?
• 12:10
  Unknown: Right? Those, those qualities are priceless, and at this station of life, I've told Lynn, I'm with you to the end and to I'm I'm going to be with you.
• 12:20
  Unknown: That's the best thing that I can do right now, is be available and be accountable. So Sammy, I had to have come to Jesus time in order for me to be able to accept who Sammy is, and also to deal with my own biases, which were which were really there, and I've gotten to a place where I realized I am not the judge.
• 12:47
  Unknown: I'm not the judge and the jury, except for me as as a parent, to love my children. And at this point, I don't offer advice unless asked, because it really is about letting
• 13:01
  Stephanie Olson: go. I want to, I want to ask you a question about that, because you said something that's really, really important. You know, when we're talking about things like human trafficking and we're talking about grooming and people who do harm, there were two things you said that I think are important to just kind of talk about briefly or hit on one fact that you really put a lot of effort, of course into David, and so your daughter may have felt a little bit of the backlash of that, just because the attention was going to David and Maybe not her. And what I would say about that we actually have a grooming video. We call it a grooming video, but one of our videos in our curriculum is about a young girl who whose brother or sister, I can't remember, which was ill, and the parents, good family, loved each other, but the parents were really focused on the ill child, and so that does create a well, what about me type reality in a young child's mind? Because I mean, not that you loved her any differently, but that that focus is different. And of course, the kiddo feels that. But then also with Sammy, and we know that LGBTQ plus kiddos, youth, young adults, all are more susceptible to human trafficking, and so both of those things that that you're speaking about, just speak so loudly to how as parents, it is so challenging because The things we do and don't do affect our children, and yet, we're doing the best we can with what we're given at the time we're given it. And so I just appreciate you sharing those things, because they do impact Yeah,
• 14:54
  Unknown: and I think one of the beautiful things too, is the way that you're talking about your family, your love for them, and to even say. Know, some of these things did not go the way I expected them to go, and maybe I didn't do things completely perfectly, but that love never changed. And I think that's a beautiful thing I do, too. And if I may, now crank the clock back to growing up in north Yonkers. My family that I grew up in was, well, let's just say it was a very difficult journey navigating through childhood.
• 15:23
  Unknown: And of course, as kids, we actually thought, hey, we're just a regular family, a regular family in North Yonkers, so we're going through it. Yeah, yeah, my dad does drink some, you know. And mom and dad do bicker a lot, doesn't everybody anyway, as it turns out, I have an older sister and two younger brothers. Probably when I was around nine or 10, my dad started resorting to alcohol abuse. You can call it alcoholism. I think the current terminology is alcohol use disorder. Well, as a young child, I had no idea what my dad's story was, but boy was I to find out later, way later on in life, he was in the Navy. He was in World War Two at Normandy, at D Day, and saw, saw battles and on at least three different fronts, and I am sure dad had just a very bad case of untreated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, yeah, aka PTSD, right, which wasn't even, I mean, it wasn't
• 16:40
  Stephanie Olson: popular then, right? They didn't know all the things right,
• 16:44
  Unknown: cell shock, battle fatigue syndrome, you know, get over it and on. Probably only the worst of the worst, people wound up getting hospitalized and medicated with with whatever they they had available back then, but that started drinking, particularly on the weekends.
• 17:02
  Unknown: And there was one weekend in particular that I was a like the sentinel event happened in our family, and I was, I believe I was probably 13 or 14 years old.
• 17:15
  Unknown: It was a Saturday morning. Mom and Dad had been fighting verbally and yelling at each other. Dad was very intoxicated.
• 17:24
  Unknown: By the late morning, he would go down to the unfinished basement the set. We called it the cellar, and we basically discovered that he had many flasks of alcohol, be it vodka, whiskey, scotch, whatever dad was able to get his hands on, so he came up and was in the kitchen and had a loaded 45 caliber semi automatic pistol, shot it into the floor of the kitchen and then announced to us, I'm going upstairs to kill myself. Oh, geez. And I can't, I can't tell you how that short movie has played, has played and replayed and replayed. In my mind, the really good news is, and again, God was in the details. My mom, one of my brothers, my sister and myself charged at dad when, when he was walking up the stairs, stumbling up the stairs, and I was successful in wrenching the loaded gun out of his right hand. Well, did we get any type of supportive help or anything, or even able to talk through this as a family? No, that episode helped inoculate all of us with completely different paradigms and how terribly sad in that we all have had different struggles in our lives. And I'm not here to showcase anybody else's challenges, except for my own, but I can tell you that I've spent many, many years in my own therapy, replaying some of the events that have happened and striving to rewire my brain and also to work on the anger, the profound sadness and disappointment of not having had that kind of childhood and then having to basically invent who I was going to be as a husband and also as as a father. Yeah, it was. It was a very hard journey,
• 19:29
  Stephanie Olson: I'm sure. Well, my guess is too that certainly back then and still some now, so many families, that was not something we you would even talk about once it happened. We're not ever mentioning that again.
• 19:41
  Stephanie Olson: Was that your story
• 19:45
  Unknown: Absolutely, I mean, and it was like the elephant under the carpet, which pretty big elephant and very hard to pass, to pass by and ignore, yeah. And it also played into my.
• 20:00
  Unknown: Decision, initially to become a physician. I had gotten a hold of this book entitled The Making of a psychiatrist when I was probably like around 15 or 16.
• 20:09
  Unknown: That was what I believed I was meant to become that and that dream and that vision I kept, and amazingly, I was accepted into medical school. And for the first couple of years of medical school, I thought for certain, I'm going to be a psychiatrist.
• 20:27
  Unknown: I just didn't understand the why, why? Why would you pick psychiatry? Greg and I was naive to really having introspection.
• 20:37
  Unknown: But as it turns out, in my third year of medical school, I was assigned on a locked psychiatric ward for my psychiatry rotation.
• 20:47
  Unknown: One weekend, a patient committed suicide on the locked ward, wow.
• 20:52
  Unknown: And I have to tell you that following Monday, when I got into my rotation, I found that out, and I'm like, There's no way I could become a psychiatrist. Yeah, so I was left. What am I? What am I going to do? I mean, I was beginning to question my a misfit here in medical school. I mean, here, I worked my tail off in college to make the GPA, you know, and did the did okay on the med cats and, you know, jump through all the necessary hoops. And there I am wondering, What am I going to what am I going to do in in this entire field, until one day, a very dynamic Professor back in New York gave our medical school class a couple of lectures about radiology and about what the benefit that it had to offer patients. And I have to say, I fell in love with it, and I'm not entirely certain, even to this day, how God gave me the ability to be able to extrapolate images. But I do know that I happen to really like anatomy and pathology and sidebar benefit, probably from my family, is I'm able to hyper concentrate which, which is a really good quality when used for beneficial purposes. But I'm able to, like look beyond and get that corner shot, get that very subtle finding which helped make me one of the best for which I was I was so grateful, and I had a very, very lovely career, by the way, which I exited at the top of my game at age 60. Oh, wow. Because I had had young, I had had myself, you know, yeah,
• 22:53
  Stephanie Olson: well, go out on top, right? Definitely
• 22:58
  Unknown: explore other other areas of life, yeah, because medicine is a very demanding mistress.
• 23:05
  Stephanie Olson: Yes, I'm sure.
• 23:05
  Stephanie Olson: So going back to legacy, when, when you talk about all that you've gone through, all that you've endured and overcome, what is the ultimate legacy that you want to leave?
• 23:20
  Unknown: Well, can I quote from from the back of my book? Okay?
• 23:24
  Unknown: Because, of
• 23:25
  Stephanie Olson: course, yes, please. Extra, promote yourself exactly.
• 23:30
  Unknown: Dare to thrive. Reminds us that while Pain is inevitable, it doesn't define us through forgiveness, which is like so important, perseverance and unwavering faith, we have the power to transform our wounds into wisdom. I love that.
• 23:55
  Unknown: I don't think I can say things any better than that, but in many ways, I mean, look, life's a bitch. Life is tough. One extremely important thing is, what kind of attitude am I going to have as often as possible?
• 24:09
  Unknown: And there's a fellow named Charles Swindoll who talks about attitude and being a choice.
• 24:19
  Unknown: Well, I'm here to tell you that not every day is a great day, but I am doing my best day by day, and I asked God to direct me in helping me do the next right thing. Pretty simple, but that's what I myself am striving to do, and also to continue to learn to love not only myself, but my wife, Lynn, my children, grandchildren, and even other folks that I meet, like even at Costco, just a smile and even Hello, it's so important to show. Love that God has given me, and also just give that out liberally, and also do my best to walk at the same time in forgiveness of self and
• 25:13
  Stephanie Olson: others. And you just never know what a smile or kind word will do for somebody else. And that's that's
• 25:21
  Unknown: huge. And I really, I love what you're saying, because I feel like as humans, we tend to want to be in control of a lot, right? But in reality, there's very little we control in our lives, but we can control our responses, and I think that's so important at this station of life. I mean, truly, for me, it's about letting go. And I'm also even talking about material things. I take a lot more joy out of giving stuff, some of the stuff that I have, away, and being lighter, and also realizing that, hey, thank God I'm still alive, and both of us are still in reasonably good health, and I just want to enjoy the rest of the ride and facilitate bringing some joy into our family and beyond that.
• 26:11
  Stephanie Olson: What would you say to somebody who, you know, I think, of the story of your dad, or you know, some of the people that we see in the work we do.
• 26:19
  Stephanie Olson: What would you say to somebody who just feels like, well, that's, that's great for you, but I don't see any goodness in my life. I don't see any hope. I don't see any future. What is, how can this help me? Good
• 26:35
  Unknown: question. Well, for one thing, even, like for young folks, if you're fortunate enough to have somebody in your life who maybe has gone through something similar, maybe to what you have. It's so important on relying on on other folks, like a mentor, even a teacher like I know you folks, deal with those precious, precious individuals who are groomed and involved in human trafficking, just to realize that you are worthy, reach out to people. Reach out to help lines. There's just a variety of things. Even going to Google and saying, Okay, this is what, this is what's going on with me. Where can I get help?
• 27:21
  Unknown: Yeah, and there, there are sources out there, but again, it's a mistake to strive to do life along Yes, I wish I had more wisdom than Yeah,
• 27:35
  Stephanie Olson: I love what you're saying, and I think we can take the same thing and kind of turn it around to what we can do for others, because I went through, I grew up in trauma, recovering alcoholic. Depression was, you know, all the things, drugs, all the all the things.
• 27:50
  Stephanie Olson: And somebody asked me, what was the difference in your life than some other people who don't seem to, you know, make it out of that trauma. And I said it was a support system. I had a support system around me that I could count on. And I think, you know what you're saying is so important, because we can be that for other people, and that's where being that safe adult, or that's where being that support system for others is so incredible, because we can plant those seeds that can grow harvest, and we may never see what that harvest looks like, but we can be that one person who makes a difference in someone's life
• 28:33
  Unknown: absolutely and as we all know, There is no shortage of pain in this world, people do some things that people are capable of doing are evil, very much so. And there really is good, and there really is evil in this world. And if you have a choice, why not? Why not, right?
• 28:54
  Unknown: And there is a choice, there
• 28:58
  Stephanie Olson: is a choice, yeah, wow. That is amazing.
• 29:01
  Stephanie Olson: Well, I love, I love that story.
• 29:01
  Stephanie Olson: I also love, and I always say this, you can always tell people who have been through the healing portion of life because they don't, they're not sitting in the the muck of the story.
• 29:18
  Stephanie Olson: They're talking about the redemption and the other, the other piece of the story, and that's what I hear from you, and I love your humility, but also your wisdom and your willingness to give back. And that is absolutely beautiful.
• 29:38
  Unknown: Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I so appreciate having having been on the podcast with both of
• 29:44
  Stephanie Olson: you. Yeah, well, we appreciate you here.
• 29:46
  Stephanie Olson: Yes. Now, where can people find you? Where can people buy your book, all of that good stuff?
• 29:53
  Unknown: Well, you can easiest place probably to buy my book is Amazon. It's also on Barnes and Noble other places. Prices as well. And by the way, if anybody out there feels led to buy my book, very much appreciate a review on Amazon, if it particularly, if you resonate with what's in my story, but I hope I get to network with both of you again. Yes, no question.
• 30:23
  Unknown: Yes. Really, really appreciate both of you and and the work that you are doing.
• 30:28
  Stephanie Olson: Thank you so much for being on the podcast, and we appreciate you so join us next time. Thank you so much for joining us today and get some R and R. We'll see you soon. You you.