Latest / The Rooted Woman Podcast / The Rooted Woman: Episode 4: Identity Before Action
Transcript
- Courtney: Hello friends, welcome back to the Rooted Woman Audio Series. I am so happy you're here today. And yes, I just said audio series. This is the first ever series on the Mission for More podcast. And we today are on episode four. So if you haven't listened to the intro episode in the first three episodes, I highly encourage you to go back and just get caught up. You don't have to rush through them. These are gonna be here for the long haul. So I just want to encourage you to go through it step by step because it's all leading up to something really exciting coming at the end of the 12 weeks. Today we are going to be talking about one of my favorite things identity before action so let's just take a moment take a deep breath and get ready to receive all that the Lord has for us today I recently shared a reel and the text on screen said, before he bears fruit through you, he wants to produce deep roots within you. And this is really a huge part of what we're going to be talking about today. I've been trying to do little teasers before we even dive into anything, and it's been fun to do that. but ⁓ just kind of tying that idea together with some of the stuff we've talked about in the previous episodes, but going deeper into this specific topic today of knowing that ⁓ identity comes before action. You are not what you produce. I'm gonna start with this simple question. Question, which is actually not so simple in the long run. It struck me as I was even thinking about it. Who are you when no one needs anything from you? Who are you when no one needs anything from you? When there are no dishes left in the sink, when your inbox is not full, when there's no laundry to do, when The to-do list is is completely done when you're not producing something, when you're not being called upon, when you're not leading, when you are not earning a bonus or a raise. Who are you when no one needs anything from you? We have learned to introduce yourselves. It's so funny. This is like ⁓ just to kind of like bring you all into my world in the full vision of all of this. I have shared here from the very beginning that this dream of having a podcast was really planted in my heart about maybe seven or eight years ago at this point. And about, I would say around four years ago, and then even more so about two years ago, I just really was happy. Having so much of the stirring continue in this direction. And I would say in 2020, I had made a post on my account that I have now, the Her Mind on Mission account. One of the very, very first posts there was talking about identity and how we introduce ourselves and where our first identity is. And I think so many of us learn to introduce ourselves based on what we do. I'm a mom, I'm a teacher, I'm a business owner, I'm a ministry leader, I'm a homemaker, I'm a content creator, I am fill in the blank. And those things are true probably of things that we do, their roles, their assignments, they are responsibilities, but we have to come back to this every single time. They are not our identity. And I have said it in previous episodes, and I'll repeat it probably 10,000 times if you follow along. The enemy wants to come after one thing, one thing specifically in us women is our identity. He wants to attack our identity. As soon as your identity is shaken, you no longer remember, ⁓ I am a child of the most high king, and his portion for me is peace and joy. We immediately go into the anxious thoughts, the worry, the questioning, just like Eve did, right? So when our identity is shaken and when we begin to question. Who's we are and who we are and the purpose we have in him for his glory, then all of these other roles and assignments and responsibilities can seep into who we believe that we are at the core. And before we do anything, before we do any good work for the glory of God in his name, we have to know that we are his. And you have to truly believe that. And I believe that this episode, this point, ⁓ when we come to the end of the 12 weeks and I share the big surprise. Yeah. I believe that as you walk through this topic in greater measure, you are really going to hit a pivotal point in your walk with Christ if you allow him to seep this into your heart so deeply. Because when we confuse our identity with our assignments, we begin to carry burdens that God never intended for us to carry. We believe that our value is going to rise or fall based on what we perform and or what we produce and how we perform within those different roles, right? If I'm not perfect. Performing well as a mom, if I'm not producing good fruit as a mom, if my children are disobedient, if I am not, you know, performing well as a homemaker, if I'm not producing a clean home or baking the sourdough bread or whatever it is that you want to put into that box that you might think and envision, right? As the as doing well in that role, then I am not measuring up. And we will fail time and time again. And this is why it is so true of only not only us, but ⁓ also if you look at relationships, like if I'm Look at my husband, he is going to fail in the realm of husband, in the realm of father, in the realm of businessman, time and time again, because he is not the Lord. And if his perception of his worth and value rises and falls with his performance, then it is going to impact the relationship he has with me, the relationship he has with our kids, the relationship he has with customers. But if at the core root he remembers that he is a son of the most high king, he will not rise and fall when those other Things do. And if I remember that when I am in relationship with him and in connection with him, then our marriage is going to be stronger. I'm going to be a bigger cheerleader for him as a wife, looking at my husband as a father, right? To our children, or even a cheerleader for him in the business realm, right? If I understand that he is allowed to make mistakes because his core identity is that of the son of a most high king. And I think we can look at that as our best friend, right? Our husband, maybe. Have a sister or a niece or something, you can look at all these people in your lives, and it's easy to say that it's not easy to act it out. And when we can't act it out, it's often because our identity is somehow intertwined with their identity or the role that they play, and we are no longer looking at us our our identity as a daughter of the most high king. And I know that that was a lot to unravel there. So you can pause and re-listen if you need to, but really just understanding that I am not going to have the best responses. Not going to have the best reactions. I'm not going to measure up to my fullest potential in any of my roles, in any of my assignments, in any of my responsibilities, if I am not rooted in my identity in Christ first. That is the most important thing that we will do is understanding where our worth comes from, When I recognize that I'm not only loved based on my accomplishments, that God's love for me is unconditional, that my husband's love for me is unconditional, that I have people in my life whose love for me is unconditional, right? If I understand that I am not only as important as I am useful. Okay, say that again. I, I want you to repeat it. I am not only as important as I am useful. Because if I think that my importance in anyone's life, my value rises and falls with how I perform, my import my importance comes from whether or not I am useful for somebody, that is going to leave us being exhausted because we will always be trying to outdo ourselves and outperform ourselves and do better and more at all times. And we we're gonna crumble. We're gonna crumble under that weight. Because that is not a burden that we are supposed to be carrying. And I think that is why so many women feel like they can never ever rest. If your worth is tied to what you produce, then rest feels dangerous almost like, ⁓ but if I rest, these things aren't gonna happen. You know, my husband had fallen off a ladder in twenty twenty four and there was two weeks in between his fall and my son's severe concussion. And in those two weeks, I truly felt like I was doing everything because I was. My husband had an emergency surgery on his arm and you know, he was in a lot of pain and he was resting and recovering. He couldn't help out. I mean, he only had one arm. He was trying to like help with diaper changes and getting people dressed and it just wasn't easy when you have kids that are like playing games trying to run away from you. I mean, it's not easy for him to now get up, chase and like help them get Get dressed for the day. You know, so I'm doing the laundry, I'm doing the dishes, I'm taking care of the kids, I'm doing their baths, I'm trying to check in on him, making sure that his needs are met and and that he's not in so much pain. And what can I do for you? And our whole world was really like turned upside down at that time. I started working full time two weeks before his fall. So we have all these transitions or big things that happen two, you know, two weeks at a time. So I start work two weeks later, he falls, two weeks later, my son got a concussion. When my son got his concussion, it was was my first nap in like forever. I had not been sleeping well at night. I mean at this time I have a baby. She is at that time what? she was four months old so we're in the four month sleep regression. And ⁓ wow, I never even realized that's why I wasn't sleeping. I always just was like, well she was a baby so I wasn't sleeping. But no, we were in the four month sleep regression. I was not sleeping. I wasn't sleeping at night. I wasn't able to rest during the day. Finally I get to take a nap. And my husband takes the kids on a walk and they're riding their bikes and my daughter comes to a screeching halt right in front of my son. He hits her, flips over his bike, and like skids down on his face on a hill. I hear them coming in, I hear her screaming and crying. I am just Asleep in this nap, and I'm like, okay, I'm back on. And it solidified this lie in the back of my mind that rest is dangerous. When I rest, bad things happen. And if I try to take a break, like everything's gonna crumble because the weight is all on my shoulders, and this pride started to rise up, and the stress started to rise up, and I started to slip back into this mode of like ⁓ doing and my identity being on how much I was doing. And I think that can happen to anybody who's going through. things like that. Like we can so easily slip back into it because I had to I had to do more than what I was used to. I had to be a little bit more on than I I was used to. We were finally resting and then all of a sudden all these things happen. So it was a huge change in my life. It was a huge impact on our lives. And I had to really recognize like, whoa, I am slipping back into old way of thinking and old way of doing because of what I had to do. Like how Do I separate these two and remind myself that what I have to do in this season to serve my family and to step in where my husband maybe can't, ⁓ and where I have to do and go the extra mile, like it's okay if the kitchen doesn't get quote unquote tucked in at the end of the day and perfectly cleaned up. It's okay if there's still toys on the living room floor. And I had to learn, like, okay, it's okay to not have everything as I would normally want it because I am one person and I can't be doing all of these things. So if we believe That rest is dangerous, we are going to crumble. If your value is tied to how much you achieve, then you feel almost irresponsible when you slow down. And if your identity is built only on performance, then every single failure is going to feel so deeply personal to you. It's going to be the thing that keeps you up at night, it's going to be the thing that you think about for the whole entire next week. It will take you out for a week or two when you mess up because you are so ashamed that you messed up. God never designed for us to live like that. He didn't want that for us, he doesn't want that for us. He never intended for us to spend our lives providing or like proving what he already has declared over us and what he already provides for us. And I think when we get in that mode of like, I'm gonna prove that I am like worth this or as important as this or as useful as this, it takes away from what the Lord wants to do in our lives and it takes away from us depending on the Lord and really leaning on him in that way. And so we have to be so careful, just as I shared when in my story, like you. Yes, I got back to that place, but I was so careful when I started to recognize it. I'm like, whoa, we have to make a change because I will not stay here. I will not go back to that place because I know how destructive it can be. And it's okay that I ended up getting here through all these different things that are going on in our lives, but it's not okay for me to stay and I have to move out of this. And I think that we have to remember at the core root of everything, like before I ever accomplished anything, God called me his. Before I served, before I succeeded, before I got my life together, before I became, you know, a a wife or a mom, God chose me. God loved me. God called me his daughter. And I reminded myself of that in that season. Like, hey, you are not the glue that holds everything together. And yes, in many ways, as a mom, as a a wife, a woman, we can be, right? And I think we are. And there are ways that we are called to do that that are biblical. But when we go and we're trying to like outperform what we did yesterday and rise up to this occasion that we are setting for ourselves. That's where, like I mentioned, like pride gets in. And we have to just be so humble. when these things start to come up and remember, I'm not what I do. I I was loved before I succeeded. I am cherished just as I am, even when I have a day where I do nothing at all. And it takes away from that that way of thinking like I have to do these things. And it's like, okay, God, what do you want me to do? How can I serve my husband today when his arm is in a sling and he's like recovering from surgery, asking that instead of just assuming the things that are needs being unmet and trying to do everything and hoping that I land somewhere amongst there asking I've even started asking my kids I mean this is something I do on a regular basis is there something that mommy's done recently that has bothered you or is there something that I'm not doing enough of or you want me to do more? And just asking them questions like that or what makes you feel like mommy loves you so much? And usually it's like when you play with me, when you color with me, when you take me on a one-on-one date, you know, things like that. And it reminds me like they don't care about how clean the house is. They don't care if their closet is perfectly organized. They don't care about so many things. They just want to be with me. And when we ask people in our lives what they actually need and we have that relationship and that ongoing conversation, it can also take away from that pressure of the things that we think that we need to do. and also just making sure that we're of course asking the Lord to. I also want to frame this in your mind because this has changed my whole way of thinking when it really, really set in for the first time. The gospel tells a completely different story in regards to like stressing and striving and trying to perform. The gospel says that Jesus already did what we never could. Say that to yourself. Jesus did what I never could. The gospel says that our righteousness is not earned, it is received. The gospel says that we don't work for acceptance, we work from acceptance. These are huge differences. And if you just write it down and remind yourself before you go to work, before you do things as a mom or a wife, before you serve in relationships or ministry that you are ingrained in, we have to remember that. One side is gonna produce stressing, striving, anxiety, disruption to our peace. The other creates surrender and peace and joy and godly service. And so are you trying to do all the things? Or are you remembering that Jesus already did what you never could? You don't have to earn your worth. You already have received it. You don't have to beg from the people in your life for acceptance. You just have to remember that the one that matters most has already accepted you. These are our big differences in thinking and I think when we get to that place you have to whatever resonates with you most, you have to remember that. You have to cling to it and you have to say it. And maybe it's all of the ones that I said. Write it down so that you can read it to yourself. Remember what I said about what I shared on social media that God wants to produce deep roots within us before he produces fruit from us. Fruit is a byproduct of roots. Okay. The same has to be true for us. The fruit of our lives was never meant to establish our identity. Okay. It was meant to flow from it. An apple tree starts as a seed. We don't look at the apples on a tree and then say, ⁓ that's an apple tree. When that tree is planted, we know that it's an apple tree and it will eventually produce apples. It's not going to produce apples the moment it sprouts right it has to grow and it has to be healthy and it has to have deep roots and then eventually there will be apples and we have to remember that for ourselves too like we started maybe a seed a baby Christian our faith was there we're trying to figure it out we start to grow okay wait a second I don't have to perform my identity is as a daughter you know we have to really get to that place where okay now I feel like I've surrendered everything I have so much peace I have so much joy boom Apples, fruit, right? It is is such a beautiful picture for me in my mind because it reminds me that it's okay to be at the place where we're not yet producing. And it's okay to also have seasons where we're not producing too, because even an apple tree will have seasons where it is not producing apples, but it is still an apple tree. And it's okay to have seasons in our lives where we s we step back and we take a rest and we reconnect and we get refreshed by the Lord and by the word. And then we come back and we produce more fruit again. Because God will continue to use us as a vessel for his kingdom if we allow him. But he doesn't want us to produce so much fruit in just one season to burn us out completely so that we are withering away. He wants us to have such deep roots, producing fruit in due season, resting in due season, and continuing on this cycle with him so that we remain so rooted in him, so connected to him, so surrendered to him. And everything we do is service unto him. And I think that thinking changes the way that we look at all. of our yeses, all of our no's, and the attitude that we have going into all of it as well. We we've talked a lot about like what we say yes to and what we believe about what we're doing, but also where is your heart? Where is your heart when you're doing it? Because that's going to affect everything that you do too. I want you to ask yourself this. Am I trying to force fruit when it is not my season to produce? Am I trying to force fruit when it's not my season to produce? Are your deep are your roots deep within him? And if they're not, then really going back and asking God and He will He will show you, God, where am I missing the mark? Where am I saying yes to things where you have not called me to say yes yet? Where am I not surrendered to you? How can I grow deeper in you so that the things that I do are of greater glory for you, Lord, are of greater service to you, Father, and are ⁓ serving others in greater capacity too, because it's all with you and through you and not me in my own strength. And I think we need to declare this over our life, right? Saying, I am his daughter, I am chosen, I am loved, I am redeemed, I am forgiven, I am seen, I am known, I am secure, not because of what I've done, but because of what Christ has done and what God is continuing to do through me. ⁓ pause it, replay it. If you need to write it down, write it down. I think one of the greatest invitations God gives us as women is the invitation to stop performing, the Mary and Martha mentality. Stop performing and just be and just sit at his feet and remember, just I don't know. That picture of how glorious it would be to just be so enamored by him, so excited about his presence that we would just sit and nothing else would matter. And he's called us to do that time and time again, but we miss the mark because we think we have to keep performing to keep up with everything else going on in our lives or to keep up with other people's image of us. But when we stop carrying the pressure of perfection, stop trying to prove or pretend or strive, we simply come as we are. And the Lord meets us there and he does a great work in us there. And the roots grow deeper there and then we see really good fruit produced. So if this is resonating with you, maybe today God's inviting you to lay down the exhaustion and the burden of performance. Maybe he's inviting you to stop defining yourself by your productivity, or he's asking you to stop measuring your worth by your accomplishments. Maybe he's reminding you that you don't have to earn what has already been freely given to you. You do not have to prove your worth. You already are. You don't have to earn your love. You already have it. You don't have to perform for acceptance. You already belong to him. Remember that as you continue through the week, as you continue through this series, we are going to continue to build on these ideas, on these truths, ⁓ and try to live it out practically in our lives to become the rooted woman that he is calling us to be. And rooted woman, that doesn't mean like I have to perform, I have to check these boxes in order to be rooted. Rooted is just rooted. Everything else comes from that, everything else flows from that. And so if If you have been in that place where you're like, man, I'm just trying to figure it all out, figure out this Christian thing, figure out this wife thing, figure out this mom thing, figure out how to go back to work, figure out how to take care of my mom, whatever you are doing in this season, the most important thing that you can do is remember to be rooted in him, to surrender to him and to let everything else come from what he is teaching you and what he is doing from within you. Before we wrap up, I just want to pray for you today. So Father God, I thank you that our worth is not found in what we do and how we strive and how we perform, Lord, that we can just have perfect peace sitting at your feet. God, the way that Mary did, Lord. And I just I want to be more like Mary. And I I have an invitation, Lord, just to call other women to do the same, to be more like Mary, to sit at your feet, to surrender it all to you, to ask you, Father, what you would have us do. And Lord God, I just pray that we can do all things because of the things that you're doing within us, that we can pour out because of what you are pouring in, Lord, that we make room for you to do that so that we're not striving and doing it in our own strength, Father. And I just pray, God, in this season that becoming a rooted woman, becoming Surrender to you doesn't look like a checklist in any one of these women's lives, Lord. That it it looks like it just a daily heart posture, a daily heart posture, remembering your words, Lord, and clinging to your truth, Father, time and time again, so that all the lies of the enemy, all the thoughts of the world, all the pressure we've put on ourselves can be set to the side so that we can just absolutely surrender to you and receive all that you have for us, the peace and the joy and life abundant, Lord, and ⁓ to not feel this constant, like heart-racing pressure. In our lives to go and do and serve and be. But God, that we could just be present with you. And that, ⁓ Lord, in due time, that we will bear fruit in the season when you've called us to bear fruit, Father. And it will be good fruit because of the work that you are doing now, the work that we are allowing you to do now, the work that we are receiving from you to do now, Lord. I just thank you, God, that you remind us daily that we are chosen and known and loved and redeemed through your Son Jesus Christ. Help to deepen our roots and your truth so that our lives produce fruit from a place of Peace, Father, and teach us to live as daughters before anything else. In your mighty name we pray. Amen. Thank you so much for tuning into the Mission for More podcasts. There is so much more to come. I cannot wait as we continue through this 12 week series, as I continue to drop little nuggets on social media and just share all that the Lord is doing and the ways that things are shifting and changing to go deeper as sisters in Christ together. If you are not familiar, I also have a second Instagram page where you can go and follow. It's at consistently period Courtney. And I created this account to just share more of the behind the scenes, more of really just Trying to give a place for like the weight loss journey and ⁓ just stewarding my home and my health and the habits in a deeper way, whereas my other page is really going to specifically be for encouragement and for ministry. It was hard for me to put everything on one page and just felt like it was like rattling in my brain. So I was like, let me try to separate it and just see what happens. And yeah, so that's that is something that I created. And then also everything on her mindonmission.com is on sale right now because it will all be going away soon. I'm having, like I mentioned in previous episodes, if you've listened. just this umbrella that the Lord is showing me where everything kind of comes under one umbrella and is solidified and unified in a deeper way to make it easier for all of you to walk through, easier for us to connect as sisters in Christ, and easier for it to be applied in our everyday lives. So I'm excited. I hope that you're excited. Stay tuned for next week's episode and we'll see you then.