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Transcript

Solocast: Haters · Lean Out Podcast

• 0:02
  Dawn: Welcome to the lean out podcast.
• 0:04
  Dawn: I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:05
  Dawn: Don baker.
• 0:06
  Dawn: Are you looking for a new approach to finding work-life balance?
• 0:10
  Dawn: You've come to the right place.
• 0:12
  Dawn: Listen, as I interview amazing women professionals, who've taken the steps to lean out.
• 0:17
  Dawn: And find balance on their own terms.
• 0:19
  Before we start the show.
• 0:21
  I wanted to take a moment to remind you about all the resources that I have on my long standing website, practice balance.com.
• 0:29
  There are more than 10 years of articles there on all sorts of subjects, from health to burnout, to stress management, to infertility, and lots of different recommendations for you.
• 0:44
  Hello?
• 0:44
  Hello.
• 0:45
  Thanks for being here.
• 0:46
  Today, I wanted to bring you a short solo cast and I was inspired to talk a little bit about how to deal with haters or naysayers.
• 0:56
  I have a section in my book lean out about this is in chapter nine.
• 1:01
  And recently I was listening to a podcast called the brave enough show where Sasha shell cut was interviewing a physician and author named Lydia king.
• 1:12
  And they were both talking about.
• 1:15
  How they deal with people who don't understand and who put up opposition when you're doing something unique in medicine.
• 1:24
  And it reminded me of an experience that I had.
• 1:29
  If you haven't been following me for very long, then you might not know that when I was a resident physician, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
• 1:38
  But there was a long period before that where we didn't really know what was wrong with me.
• 1:44
  And I thought that all of my symptoms were related to burnout.
• 1:49
  One thing that was actually going on though, was I was having difficulties with a amenorrhea and infertility.
• 1:59
  What the specialist told me was that my infertility problems and hormonal imbalances were stress-induced.
• 2:08
  So before I even knew what was wrong with me, I actually took some F M L a time during my residency.
• 2:15
  I decided that I needed to get to the bottom of this.
• 2:20
  And prioritize my health.
• 2:22
  And I got the approval to do this from the people that really mattered in the program.
• 2:28
  My program directors and the department chair But right before I took the leave time, I was on a particular rotation.
• 2:36
  And later on, I got a performance review from the attendings on that rotation.
• 2:43
  And one of the comments that I got was recent LOA.
• 2:48
  A shows that she is not professional and is not dedicated to the field of medicine.
• 2:56
  Now my faculty advisor said that she felt this was highly inappropriate and wanted to have it stricken from my record.
• 3:05
  It was kind of a crazy time and that comment did sting.
• 3:11
  Months later when we actually figured out that I had this brain tumor and I ended up needing surgery.
• 3:17
  Did that particular faculty member that left that negative review feel bad.
• 3:23
  I have no idea.
• 3:24
  And honestly, it's not my business.
• 3:27
  So that's what I wanted to talk about today.
• 3:29
  Is how do you deal with these kind of stinging comments So here are my tips for dealing with haters or naysayers.
• 3:40
  The first thing is to control what you can control.
• 3:43
  You can control your thoughts, your reactions and your feelings.
• 3:48
  But you cannot control those of other people Other people's opinions of you are not your business.
• 3:56
  And this is something that as you become an adult and become emotionally mature.
• 4:03
  You start to realize, I remember being a teenager and being so wrapped up in what all of my friends thought of me and what my parents thought of me, my teachers, and every other person around me.
• 4:16
  And the funny thing is.
• 4:20
  As you get older, you realize that humans by nature are self-centered and you're no exception.
• 4:26
  So likely people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are.
• 4:32
  In fact i saw this meme that said stop worrying about other people liking you most people don't even like themselves My second tip is to approach the comments with curiosity and empathy.
• 4:47
  When people don't understand something, that's often the time that they criticize it.
• 4:52
  And they put up a lot of opposition.
• 4:55
  So remember that people's comments are typically coming from something inside of them, either they're jealous or they have a misunderstanding or something like that.
• 5:05
  And if you think about it in that way, and not as a personal attack, it tends to diffuse the comment.
• 5:13
  The third thing is to cultivate your confidence.
• 5:17
  Confidence is something that is not only an innate trait.
• 5:21
  It is something that you can learn and practice over time.
• 5:26
  Challenge yourself.
• 5:27
  Examples of ways that you can do this are by spending time alone, trying something new, taking a class in a new skill, for instance, finding a new mindfulness practice that might work for your specific constitution.
• 5:43
  Go on a trip.
• 5:45
  And experienced some awe or experienced nature.
• 5:49
  And these are just some examples of doing hard things and challenges that I explore in chapter nine of the book, lean out.
• 5:58
  And when you do these things and you practice gaining confidence, then that confidence translates to other situations.
• 6:07
  My last tip is to stay focused on your why?
• 6:11
  Why are you leaning out?
• 6:12
  Why are you doing this thing?
• 6:14
  That some people are weirded out by.
• 6:16
  What is the vision that you have in your head for this particular path that you're taking?
• 6:21
  When you focus on that, all of the other things fall to the wayside.
• 6:27
  Because I'm taking a unique path in my field.
• 6:29
  I still have a lot of comments from naysayers, but I will say that after doing a lot of self work, like employing the things that I just mentioned.
• 6:39
  Those comments feel a lot different than they used to When I took a job straight out of residency at an academic institution, but with a purely clinical role.
• 6:50
  I had some people say things to me like, oh, it must be so nice to not take call or to do only day shifts, but then I'd also get people that came up to me saying, oh, I really wish that I could do what you're doing, but I just can't, I don't know how to do it.
• 7:06
  I don't know how to ask for it.
• 7:07
  I'm entrenched in my academic roles or things of that nature.
• 7:13
  Now that I only do locum tenens and PRN anesthesia.
• 7:17
  I constantly get asked the question, well, where else do you work?
• 7:20
  Or what is your regular job?
• 7:22
  And I say, I don't have any other place that I work.
• 7:26
  I do this very part-time by design.
• 7:30
  People's minds are blown by this.
• 7:32
  And most often what I get is just a deer in the headlights.
• 7:34
  Look.
• 7:35
  So these are some examples of the more recent types of opposition that I get, and really, they don't feel bad to me anymore.
• 7:44
  They reinforce the reason that I live my life, the way that I do.
• 7:50
  I hope you found my examples and tips helpful today.
• 7:55
  My parting question to you is what do you need to do to keep true to your vision and not worry about haters in the process Thanks for listening to the lean out podcast.
• 8:07
  If you like what you hear, please leave a review for this podcast on iTunes or Spotify.
• 8:12
  So other people needing this kind of community and inspiration can find it easier.
• 8:19
  Also, you can support this podcast and learn more about the ideas presented by buying my book, lean out a professional woman's guide to finding authentic work-life balance.
• 8:31
  Lastly, if you want more information about working with me.
• 8:34
  Please visit my website@wwwdotpracticebalance.com.