Latest / Relatively Functional Dads / Episode 017 - What Our Kids Teach Us About God: Trust, Dependence, and Wonder
Transcript
- Audio: Reese, as dads, we are always trying to teach our kids something. How to say sorry. And they ain't listening. They ain't listening. How not to lie. How to tie your shoes. A lot of things. It's important to teach your kids as a dad. But While we're always trying to help them grow, what if one of the biggest lessons that God wants to teach is actually us as we learn from our own kids? kids have a funny way of reminding us of things that we've forgotten as adults. They trust us with their whole lives, whether they should or they don't, they do. they depend on us for about freaking everything. and they find wonder in the things that we just barely notice, especially when we're in a rush. They just they're just in awe of the things we walk right by. So, yeah, Jesus, here's the thing, he didn't just tell adults to teach children, though I think he would agree with that. he actually pointed to children as an example of something that adults need to learn about him and his kingdom. Matthew eight eighteen, Jesus tells his disciples that they have to first become like children in order to enter his kingdom. So today what we're talking about are the little teachers living in our homes. That are one year old, three year old, five year olds, they can teach us some things, namely what it means to trust, to depend, and to really step into wonder in our everyday lives. The Boys And Audio: Hey, welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast for fathers doing their best and learning every day. We're just three relatives walking through faith, fatherhood, and real life together. That was me. No experts here, just honest conversations about the wins, the struggles, and the moments that shape us as men and dads. Some days we've got it together, other days we're just trying to get to bedtime, but we keep showing up. And if you're dad... In the middle of it too, you're in the right place. Let's journey through this together. Audio: Heck yeah. If there's one thing that I have learned, having a fifteen month old, it's that you need money to have kids. Yeah. You gotta have money to have kids. And Right now we're not making any money off of this and it's because not enough of you are following, subscribe, leaving questions, reviews. Gotta have it. So I implore you so that we can get food on the table for these poor kids. For our children. For our children. And more importantly, so Reese can finally finish his full sleeve that he's been working on for over a year. It's coming. It's coming soon. It's coming. And I wanna make sure that he can pay the artist next week. So that's right. yeah. Seriously. Do it for Do it for Emily. Do it for That's the Tat the tattoo artist. Relatively functional dads. Given no free shout out. No fashion Emily at no particular tattoo at no particular tattoo. Anyways, we got a good show ahead of us, dads. we're gonna have a little fun first though. How's that sound where you see? Yeah, I should probably tell where to go. I already said subscribe. But relatively functional dads, Instagram, Apple Pod, YouTube, leave us questions. Still no questions that I've seen. But I you I haven't checked as much this past couple weeks. Been busy a couple of weeks. Send us a message. But Fun segments starting off with dad decisions. Dad decisions. So I'm gonna read this one off. Then we can kinda discuss any questions about it that we need or any clarifiers. But would you rather swap your ability to regulate emotions with your child's ability to regulate emotions or swap your continence with your child's incontinence? So as someone who doesn't fully understand continence and incontinence, not but it the The way that I was trying to use this is basically I didn't want it to be one or the other. You either get your child's ability to regulate their emotions or their ability slash inability to control not just their bowel movements but also their bladder. So both. If if it would be helpful, let me paint a picture for you. Yeah. There is such a thing called giggle incontinence. Okay. Which is when you laugh and cannot keep control of your bladder, and so you laugh, and then you just peek. Greatest rehearsal dinner story of all time. Golly. Producer Noah's father. I just know that one. Catching stray Noah's catching strays at his own rehearsal dinner. Yep. but it it like it's essentially it it is a real thing when it goes beyond just like, okay, a k you have a small child, if they laugh and they can't control their bladder, fine. When you get to your being twelve and that happens, something is wrong. Okay. And you need to go see a specific doctor about it to help you out. So that is an example of incontinence. I just thought it was I see like overweight older women in those adult diaper commercials. So I didn't know if it was just urine or if you're talking about feces as well. Speaking of commercials, they're just like showing way too much on commercials these days. We can't go. No, no. We're not talking about that, We're not. Hey, I didn't make any negative connotations. I just said Weird absolutely switch it back. Okay, so my answer is well, I wrote down which sense matters more, smell or hearing, because the emotional regulation is when yeah, there's multiple loud noises. both my kids are potty trained, very, very well potty trained. My two older kids. Karis. This applies to her very she's about to be six months. She doesn't know how to emotionally regulate, she sure ain't got no regulations of her bowels. So no, but it's it's a simple one. It's for me it's not even cl not even close. It's regulating emotions. Okay, so you would swap? Yeah. So okay, so you Wait, wait, wait, wait. Now then I have to Yeah, you're swapping Is it a clean swap? You're swapping your ability to regulate emotions. So your kids would likely have a better r would probably regulate emotions better because they would get your ability to regulate emotions. But you would then take on I would inherit that. You would inherit their current ability and I know you have three of them. So we'll take the median. Grayson in this case. So like instead of you just like bottling up some frustration and maybe like taking a few snide comments at people or like we gotta go, it's like In front of the f whole family. Or you're crapping yourself at family functions. Okay, this is a psychotic question. Once again, I did not read thorough enough when you said it to me five hours ago, so I'm gonna double down on my response just 'cause I already said it. And yeah, just pray that the divorce papers don't get drafted 'cause did I don't have Malin Rightfully so should tolerate that. But but no, I don't I I think yeah, I'm a double down. Okay. I'm gonna stick with it. Okay. Put me in pull ups. Ain't no way I'm taking Roman's ability to regulate his emotions and tackling that every day. I'm getting fired. yeah, they they got some good equipment you could use for your Yeah. We're living in an age where pooping yourself is kinda like Easy at this point. We can figure that out. What do they say on Billy Madison? If peen in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis. Yeah, that's right. Great one. that's a lose lose. What do you got, Noah? Hold The giggle incontinence Thank you, sir. I'm not sure if you have any experience with that. You just seem to bring it up out of the blue. I seem to be knowledgeable for no reason whatsoever. yeah, no, it's it was embarrassing as a child to have that be the case and for it to be a grown man, like you're wearing light colored khakis and then all of a sudden you just like pee yourself. That would suck in like a in a in an in a professional environment, you're just in a stand up meeting or something and everyone is just around and trying to imagine the whole But then losing losing your temper like just at the drop of a hat, also in a professional meeting. Unfortunately probably kind of fits in in some work environments. Shut up, Debbie. I don't care about what you have to say. No I want the grab cracker. So I it just probably due to own personal history, I probably would choose the emotional regulation, but even this just feels like a lose lose situation. Well it why I brought it. That's psychotic, man. man. drop a comment. Someone let us know what we're missing here, but it seems it seems like there's not a clear answer. Okay. I don't I don't even like that one. This went better than expected. Yeah, put me in a phone. I'm so happy with this. I was like, this one wasn't that close 'cause I didn't realize swap nature. It was I I thought about it for a second and then I was like, My son's a pretty like even keel kid and I still am like, Ain't no way. Ain't no way I'm not dealing with the moments where he just like loses his mind. Yeah. Three three majors is even crazier, bro. Yeah, I'm can't wait. it's crazy. But new segment, probably a one time segment, because I don't really see how it would come up. This is a seasonal segment. This is a seasonal segment. And we're big on alliteration around here. Yes. like a good Baptist. Yes. So this segment is Father Frigid, because it was recently brought to my attention by multiple moms, wives, that they tend to disagree with the standards for how you dress your kids when it gets cold outside. So I'd love to know what your all's thoughts are on what is appropriate for a child to wear once fall and winter in the Midwest roll around. I'm gonna give some general advice first and I saw my my boy John Michael Samson, shout out John Michael, operate this past weekend. Cause it's about that time of year where your wife comes up to you and says, Do you think I need a jacket? And I asked our father in law This is a great Mike. And he he led me. He he I was very enlightened by the end of our conversation because I had been doing it wrong. I had been thinking about it instead of just always saying, Yeah, I would I would absolutely go ahead and just bring a jacket. Instead I get defensive, I get frustrated. I said, Don't you have the weather app as well? Or I don't know. Why don't you just bring it? Why are you asking me? Weather ain't the only thing that's snippy that day. yeah. It's it's your boy, a little prickly too. So I have since learned since that conversation a couple years ago, if they ask and I watch John Michael operate smoothly from across the kitchen, man, I just heard him say, Yeah, I'd go ahead and bring it just in case. That is the rule of thumb for kids overall. So I'm not gonna force them to put a jacket on, just like I'm not gonna force my wife. She wants to put a sweater on, sick. She doesn't, she wants to be a little cold, sick. But I'm gonna make sure the sweater or the hoodie or the jacket or the gloves if it's real cold and hat is in the car. Is in the stroller. It's somewhere accessible. Cause you know what we're not gonna do? We're not going home early. We're not gonna have a good time ruined. It's gonna be accessible, but not forced. So that's that's where I'm going in this season. Is I'm gonna have extra pairs of stuff in the car or in the stroller. If they don't want to put it on because they're they're cold, fine. Natural consequences you're gonna get cold, but you will put it on whenever you come to me tell me you're freezing. It's a it's a seasoned answer right there. No pun intended. that's very good. That's very good. Mm-hmm. It's from experience, negative ones, negative experiences. So anything there you feel like you can glean. I know this is like one of your first full winters where you're your son can he's mobile now. Truth be told, my son is impervious to weather at this point. He doesn't care about nothing. it does not mean he's impervious to getting sick or getting the sniffles from being cold, but as far as like him being uncomfortable and kind of letting you know it, I've yet to see it. but it's Ellie worrying about is he okay that you gotta prevent. I've come to find that at times we can both realize we have a different view on something and rather than accepting that, double down and both be like, you know, if we had brought this up in a neutral time, we both might have come more to the middle. Yeah. But because it's as we're leaving, I'm gonna make this a big deal. You don't know what you're talking about. It's it's not that cold outside. What what are we raising a The soft pansy kid who's can't can't go outside in shorts and a sweatshirt. What's going on? It's fifty five degrees outside. You're talking about this next generation of kids and how they need to have this, that, or the other so they can be emotionally and physically strong. It has nothing to do with your son being a little chilly. Yeah. it no. We haven't had any big blowouts over this. there was a day that I took him to the park where he was wearing I don't know, maybe he had layers on, but maybe his like for his forearms or like elbow down was uncover. I don't remember what it was. It was a few weeks ago, but I think all the stuff you said is gonna be way, way, way better in the long term to take that approach than mine. I more so just remember growing up not really liking being told what to wear by my parents. Yeah, yeah. and but at this point he's gonna have to have a period of time where he gets told what What he's wearing out to events and things like that. You gotta put socks on, bro. I'm sorry. Like you said, he's he just doesn't have the the critical thinking capacity. Some of us never get it. into what what it might be like outside. I mean heck, sometimes I'll I'll do it and feel dumb. I'll I'll wear what I think is enough clothing out to a a sporting event. Turns out it's a little windier and it gets a little colder than I thought. And I'm just like, why don't you just bring the Yeah, dude? Why don't you just bring the extra layers? I mean, how how bad would it have been to throw that in the trunk? Check the wind chill. Yeah. Check the rope. Don't even look at the temperature, bro. That's where they get you. Check check the wind chill. Yeah. I I would say I guess my standard, depending on what age he is, would be for now to put him in more layers or at least bring stuff along. Once he's like going to school, I'm all for if he wants to wear shorts and a sweatshirt when it's thirty degrees outside. It's up to you. Just I don't wanna hear about it if we're if we're going out. But if you're go like when I went to school, I don't know, I've been told it's a Midwestern thing. I used to wear the shorts and a sweatshirt when it was twenty-five degrees outside when I worked at that warehouse saving up for Ellie's Ring. And I used to get told all the time by the guys that weren't local, such a Midwestern thing, you coming in here in shorts and a sweatshirt. So I don't know. But but yeah. up to a certain point, I'm I'm great with Forcing him to wear layers and or packing them, but after he's in school and I feel he's old enough to make his own decisions, I don't care what he goes out in unless there's a pattern of him getting sick and then I'm like, We're not dealing with this anymore. You're wearing layers. So Do you know what the challenge is also when it's real cold? Is you can't buckle in your kids safely in a car seat. That's what I've been told. With a fat winter coat on. So you're walking from church to the car, it takes twenty seconds to get a coat. The coat's all off your kids if you have more than one. When you get to the car and it's twenty seconds to walk there, so you look like a psychopath that you're just carrying their winter coat, but it's for their own good because it's actually gonna make them less cold. So you have brought the poncho. The pon dude, t put on. That's that's one that Jordan made. huh. Yeah. That's why you have it. Did she show you the picture that Ellie said the other day? Heck yeah. Now that's elite in the car. Uh-huh. I struggle with f remembering to bring it to and from places. You know, so then I'm like stuck in the grocery store like do like put the coat on. Now what you need is a car poncho. Yeah. No, just gets Tell them about the car poncho. Yeah. So my my lovely wife, who has foresight beyond what I can see a lot of times, saw this come up and as a Christmas present, made these like blanket ponchos. They're not they're not like rain ponchos. They they don't have a hood. They're just like the the the the the blanket you got with like the the Twisted ties all around the fringe in that you got in like high school or something that you maybe made in a class or something. But she would go and make these and she made them for all of the kids. So she made one for Naomi and Grayson and then made one for Roman and then made one for Mason. But the reason why she did that is because those puffy jackets, you can't we are told you are not supposed to buckle a kid in because it it it prevents you from being able to cinch down the seatbelt on their car seat. so they're not safe if they get into a car wreck and they're wearing a puffy jacket. what this allows you to do is essentially kind of flip it up in the back and put it over the back of the car seat while still having it on. So you can still get all of their arms cinched down into the car seat where it needs to go, but they can still be warm in the winter. And it's it's a cheat code 'cause it takes two to three to four minutes to warm your car up. You know, and your kids aren't screaming at how cold they are. So Yeah, send us an email email relatively functional dads at gmail dot com. Send us a DM. We'll let you know how much they cost. Yeah, trademark that sucker. We'll get you some poncho blankets. Before we move on, you brought something up that immediately made me angry. Okay. Not against you. Okay. Good. You mentioned the the puffy coats and the you can't it's not recommended to put kids in the car like that, for their own safety, but the twenty seconds to and from a place. Yeah. If I'm already in a foul mood and we're having the discussion about what is appropriate attire for Roman to wear, which again We really haven't dealt with this much because before he was always wrapped up in stuff. Because this is my first winter where he's actually been not a potato. Yeah. so I mean he still looks like a potato, but like with legs. But and a personality. But before, I mean, he was always just wrapped up in stuff, but I don't I it drives me crazy whenever it's like, well, that's not enough to wear. And I'm not talking about Ellie. I've just heard this my whole life. Well, that's not like you're not wearing enough layers, like it's freezing outside. It's just like I don't know how cold it would have to be for me to be like it's too cold for me to go out in nothing but like my compression shorts to my car, drive to somewhere and then the walk into the place. Obviously I'm not going anywhere in my compression shorts, but for the sake of this example, I just like f a minute, two minutes of cold just isn't really yeah that big a deal to me. But either way, stuff that I'm passionate about that doesn't really matter. I mean That sickness, just there's little things that add up in the wintertime being a dad that is gear up, boys. And we'll have we'll have an episode for it. Tis the season. It's upon us. The holidays, navigating the holida. We got some see episodes coming up for the season. I have not had like a fully sick, whiny toddler yet. I've had Roman be sick for over a month because they take forever to or at least he did to recover from something. but it was more like he got a cold. That was bad for four or five days and then it just kinda lingered for a month. But at the time he didn't have enough personality to like really make our life terrible. Terrible. I'm interested to see how it goes. I hope that it does not happen, but you know, gotta earn your stripes somehow. You know what your hat says. Good. Good. A lot of those coming up. All right, gotta keep it under an hour. Man, we almost did it last episode. I think it was like an hour thirty seconds. We got it. By a pube. By by that much. So okay, shifting gears back to learning from our kids. because God knows we got a lot to learn. Is what this episode is? Yeah, that's where we're at. Our little teachers. Little teachers. yeah, three main things. There's a lot. I mean, I've thought about forgiveness. They teach you how to forgive. I've thought about not taking life too seriously, choosing joy, all these things. But the three I w I want to touch on, I want to start with trust. kids trust their parents with things that they don't fully understand. I mean, and that's when they're a year and a half. That's when they're twelve. They also don't trust you at all sometimes, and that's absolutely maddening. But overall they they trust in a type of way that is unexplainable, it's illogical. Yeah. They just trust you. They know your character. So, some things I was thinking about, we just get in the car sometimes. They don't ask where we're going. So we get in the car. Except for Naomi correct how to get home the other day and she was incorrect, my five year old, and I had to convince her the whole eight minute drive home I was going the right direction. they go to bed. Trusting you're you're gonna get up in the morning. they ask for things because they know you can you got it. Can I can I get some milk? Yeah, we keep milk in the fridge. It's very rare. We don't have milk in the fridge. Mom and dad, we got you covered. So they don't understand every decision you make, but they they trust you anyway. So something along the way, some sometimes somewhere along the way, adults started believing that trust requires certainty. Like we have to be a hundred percent certain. Now sometimes that's true depending on the decision, right? and we are not advocating for a a completely like blind faith. But the reality is we want to know how things will work out all the time before we trust God. Like my bent is to be a hundred percent certain all the time before I trust God with things that are really important to me or very valuable. finances, our kids, our careers, our marriage, our future, big decisions, little decisions, whatever it is. But faith often means and we've talked about this, I think, in the episode with Zach Unger. It's about trusting the character of God when we don't understand his plan. And I think our kids trust our character when we don't they don't they don't fully understand what's happening or where they're going or why. And you know, they're welcome to ask those questions, but they they default to trusting our character. And and that's what we want to do as us three dads, is is we are trying to prove to not prove, we're trying to consistently show to our kids that we're trustworthy. And I think that's who God is to us. He shows that we're he's trustworthy. So I'm curious, Therese, what's something you're Child trust you with that reminds you just how much God asks you to trust Him as well. It's a good question. There was something you mentioned that I'm gonna do a 10 second side side story before I go into this. Yeah. trusting or knowing that your parents like can provide for you and kind of just asking for stuff because you're like, This is these are the people who are giving me stuff, whether that's stuff you need or stuff you want. But I was at a yard. l yard sale, garage sale, whatever it was down in Tennessee. Not with my with my parents, but specifically with my grandpa. And they had this big, you know, like a back backyard play set with like a swing and a slide and whatever. And I it was fifty bucks. And I remember going up to him and say, Hey, hey grandpa I was like five. I didn't really understand the concept of money. I was like, Hey grandpa, can I get fifty bucks? And so we've just been telling that story for twenty years now and we always just get a big kick out of it. But Yeah, I I knew I was like, Well I ain't got no money. But I want that. But that looks awesome. And the lady that's running this yard sale said it was fifty dollars. I don't even know how much money that is. I have no concept. For all I knew, I was asking for a million. You need something, you ask. But yeah. either way. s what something that my child trusts me with that reminds me of so the way I trust God or something that I trust God with. I put down that Roman trusts me that when I'm around, he's gonna be safe. Yeah. or that I will keep him out of harm's way. And then the example or examples that I put down were him walking off of high platforms. He loves to, regardless of the height of the object or the platform that he's on, confidently walk off the edge or crawl off the edge headfirst. all things that we could be at the emergency room if you're not paying attention. But I I don't know if I'd necessarily classify it as trust, but he's very confident in it. And because we have kept him from majorly hurting himself on so many occasions, I think he just kind of sees it as like a I can't be hurt by doing this. And eventually I'd love for that not to be the thought process because it keeps me on my toes 100% of the time. But I love that he I love that he views views life that way. the other thing is like when I'm holding him, he's always been someone who confidently tries to dive out of your arms. Yes. it's very, very irksome. it's hilarious, but you're like, my goodness, my back is killing me. Yeah. Why are you trying to dive out of my arms? You still have like a quarter size soft spot on the top of your head. I don't want to go to the emergency room. So please stop doing this. But I think the the takeaway for me was that God often asks me to take leaps or has given me the freedom to take leaps. It's not that all of them are gonna be specifically like God says take this leap in particular. You might have that from time to time, but I have the freedom to take leaps and know that he will either catch me and keep me out of harm's way or he'll Pick up the pieces with me afterwards. so I think that that was the analogy that came into my head earlier. He'll take you to the ER. He'll take me to the ER. He'll be healing. Yep. It's good. I'm gonna teach y'all a new prayer tonight that Naomi taught me today. I cannot wait for this. you're probably familiar with most of it. Okay. God is great. Beer is good. Beer is good. God is now we thank him for this food. Hold on. What say that God is great, then what? God is good. God is good. Now we thank him for this food. By his hands we are fed. Okay. Thank you, Lord, for daily bread. Bread. No. I said bread. She was teaching me this one. I was saying it at the dinner table tonight. And I said bread. Madeline said bread because she wanted to lead us. What is she about? She said, No, it's red. And I kind of laughed and she got real mad. She said, No, it's red. And I said, Baby, what do you think that means when we say daily red? She says, I don't know. It's like reading your Bible or something. Dude, that's amazing. So she learned this prayer at school. We've been saying it for two or three weeks because she learned it a few weeks ago at preschool. Shout out Eagle. Eagle Church. And yeah, thank you, Lord, for daily daily red. So I can't wait for stuff like that. That is so fun. And the funny thing is I had written down earlier in the day daily bread because we had a conversation this morning and my wife does a great job just tying in spiritual conversations in our in our breakfast, dinners, things like that. And she said we thought daily bread, so we said daily bread. And we're Hey baby, do you know what daily bread is? And she was like, Not really. And we said, What's bread made out of? You know, flour. I think she said flour and eggs or something. And we said, Yeah, and God gives us those things. So, anyways, we had this whole conversation about daily bread, and then I got corrected to daily red at dinner time. So Which is good because of your views on the Bible. Yeah, we're not gonna put on that. Man can't live off bread alone. That's right, or the Bible alone they got. Absolutely, 100%. And that's so funny. But no, seriously, like I think our kids just they count on f three meals and three snacks, it seems like a day. They just know we got it and they're gonna always have it. And not always exactly the type of food they want, but yeah, that's that's shown. Like I I am so blessed, dude. I just really do not think about when I think of daily bread, I very rarely think. actual physical provision in that type of way. So yeah, it was it was a really kind of timely, timely conversation we had at breakfast and dinner tonight. So yeah. Hey, it's cool. You've built a an environment where your kid feels like they can correct you without getting a verbal outbreak from you or anything like that. I could I could care less LC prays, bro. If she wants to pray that way, like if she's praying and talking to God, yeah. It's good stuff. So it's couldn't You're too much. Okay, I'm gonna ask the next question, even though you're supposed to, because I don't know what to do with you. that's my bad. That's my bad. Where do we tend to demand answers from God before we're willing to obey him? So here's the sc the flip of it, right? So it's like, okay, God, like I know my kid trusts you for everything, but I'm not sure I do. I need X, Y, and Z to be answered before I can I can give you my trust. What where's that for you in this season of life? This one's been answered for me for several months now, as I've just been I don't I wouldn't call it like a crisis of faith or anything like that, but just like a period of time where I'm like God, I'm I'm tired, I'm exhausted. I d feel like you're a million miles away, even though I know you're not. and I think one big thing that he's really put on my mind and my heart is I don't trust him with my fun, my feeling rejuvenated at the end of a day, the end of a week, the end of a season. I put I wrote down like when will discomfort and when will discomfort end and comfort begin? Comfort, rejuvenation are both things I don't trust him with, and I take into my own hands all the time with varying with just various methods. so that would be a big one, big one for me that came to mind. What about what about you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm I'm the opposite end. I'm Mr. Grief guy over here, but that that comes to mind of I think we don't trust God with our grief. Often we come to him with only why questions, which I I think he's here for. If something terrible happens or even just frustrating or disappointing. We ask why instead of what questions. God, what what are you trying to provide for me? What do you want me to do from here? what does your word, what do your promises say in this? Instead we get kind of stuck on why and yeah, we demand those answers in our times of grief or transition, pain and transition, instead of just trusting that God is with us in that grief and that He's gonna see us through and that that we can find him in that and that there will be healing even if we Even if we don't have answers that we so easily demand. So I'll be clear, it's okay to ask why. I think at some point just we have to move forward towards more what questions if there's going to be be healing and trust reestablished with God. Sure. so yeah, trust is a big one. I think the second one's dependence. Reese talk talk to the men about some dependence. Yeah, absolutely. we were never meant to do this alone. meant to do this with a multitude of community, whether that's Close brothers, or sisters, depending on who you are. close brothers, community with different families that are in similar seasons of life. again, we're meant to lean on each other. We're not meant to do this alone. kids don't pretend that they have everything figured out. They ask for help because they know they need it. They need help getting dressed, opening containers, reaching things, understanding the world, and navigating emotions. they don't apologize for needing their parents. Dependence is simply just part of being a child. but as adults, we often end up celebrating independence, which to a certain degree can be good, but we kind of over-emphasize how good it is to be independent and almost move the goal posts of what independence really is. we want to be capable, self-sufficient, successful, and dependable. and we want to be the ones other people can count on. Again, not all bad things, but when they become the idol, that's whenever they become yeah kind of all consuming. and somewhere along the way we can start believing that being a good dad means being the guy who has everything under control. we end up becoming so focused on being the provider that we forget we're also someone who needs provision. we end up carrying the weight of our families while struggling to admit how much we need God, our wives, our community, and other men. It's good stuff. But from all that, what do you feel like is something your kids depend on you for that remind you how dependent you are on God? Yeah, something my kids depend on that remind me I'm dependent on God. I think just well, first off, when you you're thinking about dependence, it's hilarious because my three year old especially wants to be so freaking independent, but within the same moment just shows how needy he is. So it's something I relate to of like I want to do it my way. And then as soon as my way doesn't work out, I'm like freaking out, asking for help and throwing a tantrum. You know? so that that shows me a lot about overall just independent independence and how I don't want to depend on God when things are working out. And as soon as they're not, that's when I come back and I start doing blame game or pity party or I book I victimize myself. My son, like it's with his shoes. He wants to get his shoes on. As soon as he can't, he just goes full victim mode. And instead of just, Hey, can I have some help getting my shoes on 'cause I can't get on. I see I see that in me and God. But overall I would say just ans answers to questions about life. My kids ask a lot of why questions or why right now. And you know, the why questions can be obnoxious, but when you realize they f like they just for real just don't know. Like they don't know much. This was made apparent. I took both of my kids hunting. I'll probably talk more about this in later on too. sat in a deer blind for two and a half hours, thirty minute drive there, thirty minute drive back. So we had almost like four hours together, a few days apart. So I got some one on one time with I mean, for a three year old to five year old, that's pretty dang good. For sure. It was awesome. But they asked me more questions about deer because they just didn't know. And I was just I just love talking about everything and sharing and just some about deer, some about being outdoors. Some of it just as soon as I got back in the car after Grayson couldn't talk for Two and a half hours, that man didn't shut up the whole thirty minutes. It was time to go. Everything on his mind. from resources, whether it's books that you read, whether it's Claude or Chat GPT. But we don't go to the Father for wisdom, for discernment of okay, I have a lot of knowledge, how how do I apply this knowledge in my specific situation right now, God? And my kids will all the time. Do they'll always come to me seeking seeking some sort of understanding and it's it's really humbling when I realize I've lost that spirit for God or even just for how God speaks through other people as well, like going to other wise men or women in my life. Yeah. That's good. What's something your kids by kids, I mean Roman, they he depends on that reminds you how you how you're dependent on God? Roman I I put down that he just depends on me to set healthy rhythms, and kind of like schedule for him. Hmm. Otherwise he it's not like he's I mean, in a way he does get tired and start like getting droopy eyed and He's not gonna put himself down for that. But he's not like he's not like Tugging on my shorts, saying, Hey, why don't you get it together? We need I need to be in the crib right now. I'm exhausted. Yeah. He's like stumbling around the house, getting mad every single time. He either stumbles and falls, or honestly, just hilariously when anything really happens, he gets to a point where he's just picks up a book, opens it up, screams. Dramatic. Yeah. I'm like, what what are we doing? But yeah, he relies on Ellie and myself to keep him on schedule. and it's funny because he doesn't even really realize that it could be he could be way more I don't dysregulated. Dere I never can try disregulated. But if he wasn't on a schedule, so it's almost like something that he doesn't even know is happening. Like I think that there are tons of thing things that God does for me. Yeah. B not even behind the scenes, but just like a behind my scene, like behind my awareness. Tons of things that I take for granted. And you combine that with you were talking about like protection. Dude, like even in the spiritual realm. Yeah. I don't really know how I feel about all of it all the time, but there's I obviously something going on that's not just flesh and blood that we're being protected from as well. I would I would completely agree with that. and again, if you're not really in tune to that side of things, then it can be really easy to dismiss or not think about the fact that He's protecting you from all sorts of yeah supernatural attacks. So yeah. what about right now? What's something you're currently trying to carry in your own strength? Something that you're you're not asking for help that yeah, it's probably time to surrender. Maybe something the dads can relate to? Yeah, I think I put my family's peace, contentment, and joy on my shoulders. Yeah. So like everyone n including my own. So like my own Ellie Roman Roman obviously to a certain extent is content and joyful and at peace while also being enraged, discontent, frustrated. but I I do think I put my family's I almost try play God. Yeah. Of like if I can just get the right patterns down for our family, if I can just communicate enough, if I can step into helping around the house more, if I can fill up Ellie's cup, while still also s setting aside time to do the things that I enjoy doing, we can all just kumbaya, have a great time together, everybody's happy. I do not like a house with Trying to think of the right word. I don't like to be kind of like have an unspoken like we're not good. And I don't mean like just relationally. I just mean can tell that neither of us are having like a real content evening of like a man, it's been a good good week, regardless of what happened. Like we're home. This is our family. We love the fact that we've been blessed to come home at the end of a long day, spend time together. when I feel like something is wrong there. Where discontentment is happening there, I I'm like desperate to fix it. regardless of if what I'm trying to do to fix it is helpful in any way to myself or Ellie or Roman. so I think that that's something that I carry on my shoulders all the time. Yeah. Yep. Need to give it up. Somewhat similar for me is just getting everything done. Mm-hmm. So trusting when things are left undone that that's okay because I mean, I I feel most at peace when all my tasks in my CRM are completed, when my my inbox is empty, there's no text messages to reply. The chores we normally get done are finished, the bills are paid, like like not the money in the count, like quite literally. We just don't check our mail but like every two weeks. It's wild, dude. I did it today and there was so much mail in there. And as soon as I looked at it, I like, crap, dude, we gotta get this like paid like right now. It's time to go paperless. Do you care about the environment at all? Dude, on God, I've asked Northwestern Mutual for about fifty different times to stop sending me pieces of paper. And they just keep doing it. But no free shout out because I'm not really happy about that. but anyways, Grayson will talk. Not my press is good press. My financial advisor. but yeah, getting everything done each day, like stuff is sometimes undone. And it's not finished. And it might need to be done tomorrow or next week or there's just some things that will never get done. And I think a lot of fatherhood is choosing which ball to let drop and knowing that you can probably pick it up later. and that's that's where my achiever mindset like really struggles is trusting God with something being left undone that he's still gonna honor the things that are finished and it's not my perfection and efforts that are are gonna bring inner peace for myself and my household. So yeah, that's that's something I'm really trying not to carry my own strength is how to get everything done because dude as soon as you do, like it starts all over the It starts all over again. It's this cruel trick. It's crazy, dude. That's not where inner peace is at. And your kids will undo everything you do. So just Well, and it's just like putting your peace at the end of the rainbow. Yeah. Like it's just Yeah. Nope. I get ya. That's that's tough. Well God didn't call you to be everything your family needs, called you to be to faithfully love them. well depending on the one who can be. So Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Tell us about number three. Yeah, third one is is wonder. there's a I was listening to an old Bethel song this morning. it goes, Let us never lose our wonder, wide eyed and mystified, staring at you like a child, staring at the beauty of their king. And I was just thinking about that of like that is like kids have a sense of wonder. Where they can be captivated. my kids get sucked into a good movie, dude. I mean, they are sucked into a movie that they've seen half a dozen times or a dozen times in the last few months. So rewatch. I hate rewatching movies. They will notice an ant or a bug and some of it's 'cause they don't wanna eat dinner, but we got crazy bugs in our house or regularly. I was just talking to Noah about that. We need some good pest control probably. But They'll notice an ant or a bug and and they're locked in to just looking at that thing instead of eating their meal, dude. So yeah. But we're the opposite. Like I'll I'll have a nice meal in front of me instead of like delighting in that, all I can think about is dishes. Or I'll be out just trying to get my my grass mode and I won't n notice the beautiful garden full of of not only bugs but vegetables and stuff that my wife's growing. So, you know A lot of times familiarity with the blessings of God can sometimes make us forget how remarkable that they are, but kids will stop and slow you down and notice things that you did not and draw you back to a sense of delight and wonder. So, yeah, I'm curious what's something Roman gets excited about. Curious since Noah, you got you know, your son's a little older and he's about the same age as as Grayson, so it's probably some of those same things are starting to he notices that you just don't. But Reese, what's something Roman gets excited about that you would normally just overlook in your day to day life? This one made me sad but also got me like kind of excited for what could be but Roman starts his day with joy. waking up in the morning and I know that that's like the most cliche thing to be grateful for. Like be grateful. You've got another day. But like I used to do that. I used to do that, man. I when I woke up in the morning, ready to go. I would just I would start talking to God like like he was right there. Yeah. Cause he is. and I just be like, thank you, Jesus, for another day. Let's rock and roll. Like this is gonna be awesome. Thank you so much. that I woke up in a Air conditioned slash heated house, comfy bed. let's go make a difference. or let me be a part of the difference you're making. but Roman's just he's so happy, so joyful when he wakes up in the morning. most of the time. but he just got a big smile. He's laughing, he's excited, he's rolling around, standing up and falling backwards. And it's just so pumped to see you. Just so pumped to see me. I'm like, man, I can't remember last time I woke up and showed my father, like my heavenly father, any joy. Dude, I wish anyone looked at me like Karis looks at me right now, dude. Like I mean she's not even six months old. And I'm like, if I looked at God or others and made them feel that love like she does to me, what a blessing. Yeah. Like I it because my son is so young, I haven't seen the phases of like affection that he has for me. Yeah. But man, if God loves me way more than I love Roman just with perfect love. I can't imagine how how hard it would be to have a son kind of wake up the way I used to, so excited to see him and talking to him already with gratitude to the way that I wake up now, which is not necessarily ungrateful, but no intentionality to it, just kind of waking up, rolling out of bed like tired, gotta go to work, gonna be a long day today. I guess let's do this, but I'm exhausted and Life is life is life is wearing me out, so yeah, that would be it for me. But you or Noah When I don't know when the last time you got super excited about something, but buddy, you're talking about like d the deer and the the kids asking you about about why does something happen with deer or Reese with just about anything that captures your imagination at any point in time. the Thanks for that. Also, you call me butt buddy. I was gonna let Slow. man. So sorry, brother. the you're mentioning talking about wonder and the thing that I think about is like our kids Reese not quite yet, but Our kids, when they're super excited about something, they will just tell us every little thing about it. Yeah, let you know. That's a pin point. And they're so captivated by this thing and they want desperately for you to know about the exciting thing that they have found or that they have discovered, that they have enjoyed, or or when they don't know what to do necessarily. Like we had someone over at our house that Mason had not yet met before. And first thing he does is like, let me tell you about this thing that I have. I want to show you this thing. as as both a I I guess kind of a mechanism for defense for like I I don't know what to do. Here, let me go show you something. But they default to like we we are their parents, there's this joy that they have about something and they want to they want to tell us all about it. Yeah. I don't do that with the Lord all that often. Used to. If ever, either early on. Yeah, yeah. You know, something happened, something changed. Like I'm excited about e either something related to him or something not related to him, just in general, like my word, this has captivated my imagination. The this wonder that I that I've had that I've been fascinated by. I'll tell someone else about it. But I don't I don't I won't really necessarily connect the dots that I'm gonna go tell my father about it and and enjoy that. The fact that he has either created the thing that I am excited about or designed the mind of the person who has created this thing that I love. and I was just thinking about that related to wonder of I I often self-contain a lot of my wonder and maybe have an outlet or two to like my wife or a buddy. But I almost never have that outlet of this has captivated my imagination and share that with the one who's created my imagination. And so that I think is something that I could take as a as a lesson for my kids of like, this is exciting. I'm just gonna go tell my dad about it. And c because our a relationship is not all just Here are the things that I need, or here is here are the hard things that I have. Part of our the great part about friendships is they and relationships is they include both the down, but also like what what have you loved, what have you enjoyed, and getting to hear that. Now he knows, obviously. But there is a delight in getting to share that. And I'm sure for him, in the small way that we get to experience the delight of our kids coming and telling us something we've already known for forever and them just discovering it. He knows, but he I'm sure in some way also loves to hear us talk about this world that he has created and that we are fascinated by. Yeah, and it's my exam I mean, what I was gonna share goes right along with that. Taking my kids deer hunting, I've dude, I'll I'll go out a dozen to twenty times any deer season to hunt. I see deer almost every time. And I I appreciate it. I'm present I I so my your senses are just so heightened when you're sitting in silence for three or four hours listening, looking. But it was just on steroids, dude, when I was with my kids. Cause they were just soaking in all of it, asking the questions. You know, we had to go to the gas station, get some snacks on the way there, so they were really pumped up for some of those and so the something that You know, I'll I'll do a dozen more times over the next six or eight weeks. It was just so much better doing it with someone with fresh eyes 'cause this was Naomi's second hunt, Grayson's first, and their sense of wonder. I remember sitting there and we're quiet and Naomi goes, Daddy, look like pretty loud and she had been whispering. I like, crap, she just scared the deer. But she points and there was just a a big hawk s standing in the in the tree next to us, like landed and you know, so she was getting it. Like it was that sense of wonder. And I could have enjoyed that, but when you enjoy it with someone who's experiencing it for the first time or with fresh eyes. So, yeah, if you can get your kids to enjoy something that you already enjoy, it's it's wildly more yeah, you just see it with fresh new eyes. And I I really think nature in general, you see with fresh new eyes the more that you get outside, if it's not hunting, whatever it may be, 'cause your kids just they have a sense of awe and delight that I think you're right, Noah. I think our Father wants us to share in that way. And if we can just redirect as many times as we can a sense of gratitude, awe presence, wonder to God, it's it's a really great way to I think fortify that relationship with the Father. Mm-hmm. Well, what's something that's kinda ordinary in your life right now that might actually be a gift you've kind of stopped noticing? I think there's probably a lot of Yeah, if I I'm thinking directly what my kids have taught me. It's our their ability to make music, our human beings' desire for music. anything's an instrument right now, bro. whether it's a an actual instrument we've given them 'cause we got some toys or Yeah, man. They just they just love smacking stuff and rhythm. Naomi's always singing. Or out of rhythm. Out of rhythm. Off pitch. Yeah. we have a rule, no singing at the table. And someone was visiting the other day, they're Why is that? It's like, 'cause we would sing the entire time at the table and one of the kids would And I would have a brain aneurysm not to be insensitive to anyone. But Yeah, that's it's pretty I mean I'm I'm singing everything from two thousand three P D Pablo, early two thousands hip hop to the newest force Frank and our house is always just with music and Naomi's always making up songs and yeah, so they're three and five and they're making their own music and it's usually not very good. But it's it's just really something it's good to the father. It's good to the father. It's a joyful noise. But you know, that's an ordinary thing that it's actually a gift to stop and notice and participate in that God's made us to be able to do that. in in a way that none of his other creation does. So I don't know, kinda silly but very practical for me right now. Sure. That I wanna I just want to enjoy more. Sure. I join in a lot, but I think I'm gonna enjoy it even more. One of my favorite things and one of the coolest things about God's design of human beings to me is the early age at which point if you turn music on Roman would involuntarily start wiggling. Yeah. And he just like he can't help it. If he's in his car seat in the back and you play music, if he's really angry, ninety percent of the time he's gonna like Yeah s just start moving in the in the car seat, whether there's like any real way for him to like dance or anything, if he's standing up, he's gonna do like a full rotate like torso rotation back and forth with his arms up. He thinks it's hilarious, but that's really cool. Dude, if you can ask Madeline. Naomi was like a year and a half old. We'd take road trips and we'd put on if you're reading this, it's too late, a a Drake album, and that girl would stop crying. Cause it was the rhythmic beat, man. And I swear at eighteen months, two years, these kids can like bob to be it's just it's amazing. It's really cool. Not endorsing that album explicitly, but no free shout outs. Well, we just like the beat. We don't know what the words say. We don't listen to the actual words. Yeah, that's crazy. so what about you? Something you've taken for granted, kind of ordinary thing. Yeah. Hi, the thing I wrote down I I d I do think this, but it's not like something that would be I mean, I guess I could wonder in it, but I I just said like freedoms. Like I just I've forgotten about my freedoms for a long time. I I I was born into America. In into f into freedom, into the ability to speak out against things that I think are wrong or that I disagree with without fear of punishment. Things like that. but as far as like things that I take for granted or that kind of put me in a funk, sometimes I wonder what God's thinking whenever he realizes we've all kind of lost our awe for transportation. Like Okay. Like not too terribly long ago in terms of the world. You'd be walking. You'd be walking, you'd be riding an animal or something like that. I mean I can get anywhere I want. And I mean, whether that's driving or flying, but specifically, I mean, I work twenty minutes away from my house. I would need to be getting up at four AM to get to work at eight AM, depending on what the mode of transportation is. I got twenty minutes. I spend the whole time angry at the cars in front of me. Yeah. I've lost the awe and wonder for the fact that we've created a world where we get everything faster. I have running water at the house. Everything's fast. Like I have everything's at my disposal. and sometimes I I'm just so grateful that we have a God who is long suffering. and and I mean that because man, it would drive me crazy. When Roman at fifteen months old throws his food on the floor that he's eaten a hundred times, he doesn't even understand truly what he's doing. I'm angry. Yeah. I'm really angry. If I were God, thank God that's not the case, I would be furious. Yeah. and I don't mean to make this a This is supposed to be about wonder. But but man, it would be so tough for me to watch people Like do something incredible. Like use the abilities he gave us to create something incredible, like the speed at which we can access water un like underground into our houses, control the temperature in our houses, keep food and food and beverages in our house that would typically spoil or go bad. so I don't know. There's a I was thinking about this earlier today with this question. I could have written a hundred things down, that I've lost all sense of wonder about. but Those would be a couple of them. And I would I would love to be intentional about kind of feeding into the wonder of those things. Cause that and gratitude will go hand in hand. Like, I don't think there needs to be any guilt. I think it just goes to gratitude and so Dad's just the the the things your kids get excited about that seem kind of goofy and silly, just join them in it, man. Well yeah, and I mean like it's it can be super easy to move the goalposts after you get used to something. So like take the time to be intentional about remaining grateful for things. Like some and and teaching your kids. And teaching your kids. Because that's all they've known. But at some point they will lose their wonder for stuff and we we gotta help help keep them grounded and fight for that. So yeah. I think sometimes our kids don't need us to just always be explaining the world to them and give them all the answers, but they need is just for us to l slow down long enough to wonder at it, to ask questions, to join in, to ask what they're thinking about. yeah, because I think when we do that sometimes you'll get funny answers for one, but for two you'll you'll get them thinking and hopefully some gratitude can be practiced. So okay, let's wrap it up. Keeping it under an hour, question mark? let's go. They said it couldn't be done. It's not too late to derail. I've got tons of chit chat just lined up over here. As dads, we spend a lot of our lives looking for opportunities to shape our kids. Twenty six to ten. Of all football. I'm just kidding. Don't get me started. I don't spank in this household, but Jim Knowles doesn't need a stadium, bro. That defense absolutely put a belt to the bottom on that crimson side offense. But streak, somebody said. Yeah. Three in a row? That's definitely a streak. yeah, so Belt to family show. We're looking for I'm trying to rail rail trying to bring it in. We're looking for opportunities to shape our kids, but I I think really it's just some of the most important moments for not just their spiritual formation, but ours happen when we stop trying to teach and just start paying attention to how God's teaching us through through the blessings he's given us. the hard things, the beautiful things, the wonder, the trust, but More than anything, our kids aren't just people we're responsible for shaping, they're people God can use to shape us too. So Reese, give just some practical challenges for these next couple of weeks and then pray the dad's out as we step into fatherhood. For sure. All right. This week, pay attention to one moment when your child teaches you something without realizing it. What I want you to do is ask yourself, what did this moment reveal about my child? What might God be reminding me about Himself? And is there something I need to change, trust, surrender, or rediscover? and I want I want anyone listening to this to try that out and then hand up accountability. We are going to do this ourselves. And next time we do this, we are gonna start the episode or somewhere in the intro. We will go over the fact that we did this ourselves. Yeah. And and share this with a dad. It's not just get our views up. Seriously, y'all. We don't we joke, we don't need the money. We don't need the fame. We ain't we ain't looking for any of that. Share it with another But we're not avoiding this. Share it with a dad and go through this. Have someone that you're accountable with so that you can practice and learn together with them because these these challenges are are to be done within community. Absolutely. It's good stuff, Reese. Let's pray. Jesus, we're so grateful that we're able to meet and do this podcast. so grateful to for the technology that's been made for us to be able to share stuff like this. I pray that anything that's just from us and doesn't just speak to you. I pray that that stuff would kind of go by the wayside, but I pray that your voice would be heard. I pray that things that you desire to be picked up on would be picked up on. and that it wouldn't just be something that we ourselves or any listeners hear, but it it would inspire action. not for the sake of earning anything, but ultimately to just bring us closer and closer to the likeness of you, Jesus. we want to be sacrificial and loving fathers in our community. and we want to know what it's like to be like you. and we want to put in the effort and the work that goes into that without earning our salvation or earning right favor with you. So Lord, I pray that you would equip us for that. I pray that you would drive out any attacks from the enemy, from the world or our flesh, in the coming weeks. and that you would just empower us with your Holy Spirit. We love you so much. Amen. Amen. Peace y'all. Ovals.