Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / Sexual Purity Is an Act of Love

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Sexual Purity Is an Act of Love · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: Well, what if sexual purity is an act of love
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  Speaker 1: for others, what is personal sexual purity is an act
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  Speaker 1: of love to others? And it's the topic today and
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  Speaker 1: a question from Joe, a listener to the podcast. Dear
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John, thank you so much for ABJ. Regardless of
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  Speaker 1: what's happening in my life or what the topic is,
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  Speaker 1: I always leave feeling uplifted. I'm a young man eighteen
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  Speaker 1: years old, and much of my thinking revolves around girls
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  Speaker 1: in marriage. I believe the Lord has called me to
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  Speaker 1: hold off on sex and marriage until at least college.
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  Speaker 1: But until then, I am working hard to keep my
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  Speaker 1: romantic desires for the godly young women around me from growing,
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  Speaker 1: which can be painful at times. In one Corinthians seventy
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  Speaker 1: to nine, Paul says, but if they cannot exercise self control,
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  Speaker 1: they should marry, for it is better to marry than
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  Speaker 1: to burn with passion. I know I can exercise self
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  Speaker 1: control through the Holy Spirit's power, but the temptation to
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  Speaker 1: desire these relationships in a romantic way, not just friendship,
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  Speaker 1: is still there. I guess I want your answer to
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  Speaker 1: make these feelings go away, which I know it can't.
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  Speaker 1: So my question is this What advice can you give
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  Speaker 1: to a young man who is tempted to burn with desire,
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  Speaker 1: but who wants to.
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  Speaker 2: Wait first a celebration. If Joe means that he is
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  Speaker 2: burning with desire for a godly, lifelong covenant relationship with
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  Speaker 2: a woman in marriage that has satisfying sexual relations as
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  Speaker 2: part of a larger vision of life and ministry together,
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  Speaker 2: then let him burn. That's a beautiful thing, yeah, I
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  Speaker 2: in our day, it's an increasingly rare thing. God designed
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  Speaker 2: you for a lifelong promise keeping heterosexual, sexually satisfying family raising,
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  Speaker 2: god centered christ exalting, Bible governed, complimentary and hard working,
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  Speaker 2: mission driven marriage.
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  Speaker 1: He did.
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  Speaker 2: And that's what Joe seems to be burning for. And
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  Speaker 2: if it is, let him burn, may it shine like
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  Speaker 2: a bright light among all his contemporaries. I'm living for
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  Speaker 2: that godly relationship someday and keeping myself pure in the meantime. Wow, Amen,
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  Speaker 2: celebrate now. Of course, that would be the end of
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  Speaker 2: the APJ and people want more than two minutes. I
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  Speaker 2: suppose I do anyway, because now I need to qualify
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  Speaker 2: that and raise the possibility that this burning might get
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  Speaker 2: out of hand in two ways. One way is that
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  Speaker 2: the burning as I just described it, in all of
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  Speaker 2: its godly fullness, could be out of proportion to other
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  Speaker 2: good passions in his life, and so it could be
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  Speaker 2: an unhealthy obsession and could get in the way of
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  Speaker 2: doing what God has called him to do. The other
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  Speaker 2: way this burning could get out of hand is that
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  Speaker 2: it could drift into something very different from the wholesome
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  Speaker 2: passion for a healthy Christian marriage and become riveted on
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  Speaker 2: the sheer physical pleasure of sex that leads his mind
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  Speaker 2: into pornography and his relationships with women into a stunted
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  Speaker 2: awkwardness because he knows that if they knew what was
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  Speaker 2: going on in his head, they wouldn't want to be
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  Speaker 2: around him. So it sounds to me from this question
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  Speaker 2: like the second problem of preoccupation with lust in pornography
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  Speaker 2: is not what he's asking about. I could be wrong
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  Speaker 2: about that, but I'm going to address the first issue
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  Speaker 2: and think it might give relevance say something relevant for
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  Speaker 2: the second issue as well. So what would I say
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  Speaker 2: to help him not be inappropriately dominated by a desire
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  Speaker 2: for marriage that distorts his relationships and perhaps cripples the
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  Speaker 2: other areas of his life. Even though this passion is
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  Speaker 2: a good one. So first, keep very clear, Joe, that
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  Speaker 2: marriage and sex are not created by God to be
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  Speaker 2: your ultimate goal in life. Marriage and sex will never
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  Speaker 2: satisfy the human soul. Your soul. We are made for God,
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  Speaker 2: and marriage is a platform from which we know God
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  Speaker 2: and love God and serve God. There are varying degrees
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  Speaker 2: in which the platform itself is a major part of
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  Speaker 2: the ministry of our lives. That's not bad, but it
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  Speaker 2: is never enough to satisfy the soul. Don't idolize marriage
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  Speaker 2: or sex. It will always disappoint. The healthiest marriages are
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  Speaker 2: those where a husband and a wife look into each
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  Speaker 2: other's eyes and say, you, dear, are not number one,
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  Speaker 2: and this marriage is not number one. Christ is number
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  Speaker 2: one for us, and I will love you better because
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  Speaker 2: of it. Second, with every desire for marriage and its
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  Speaker 2: appropriate sexual satisfaction, let those desires catapult you into superior
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  Speaker 2: desires for Christ.
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  Speaker 1: Just use them that way.
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  Speaker 2: Jesus said, whoever loves mother or father more than me
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  Speaker 2: is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or
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  Speaker 2: daughter more than me is not worthy of me. The
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  Speaker 2: same is true for a husband and wife. Use these
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  Speaker 2: years before marriage to cultivate a love for Christ that
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  Speaker 2: is so strong that when God brings a woman into
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  Speaker 2: your life, you will have settled it. Though I love
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  Speaker 2: you with a love like Niagara falls, if you die
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  Speaker 2: on our honeymoon, my love for Christ and my satisfaction
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  Speaker 2: in Him will not be shaken. Go deep with Christ now. Third, Indeed,
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  Speaker 2: in these years of waiting, set your heart to grow
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  Speaker 2: in all the ways that make a strong, faithful, godly husband.
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  Speaker 2: There's great work to be done here. If you love
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  Speaker 2: the thought of being married, prepare yourself to be the
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  Speaker 2: best married man you can possibly be. That all your
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  Speaker 2: desires for marriage, channel your energies not into daydreaming, but
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  Speaker 2: into real life growth in every way that makes a
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  Speaker 2: man a christlike leader in his home. Talk to mature
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  Speaker 2: married man about this and let them help you prepare. Fourth,
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  Speaker 2: stay busy, stay diligent, stay industrious. Occupy yourself with significant things.
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  Speaker 2: Don't dribble your life away on empty pastimes or gaming
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  Speaker 2: or anything that's pointless. An empty mind is the devil's workshop.
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  Speaker 2: Now that's not in the Bible, but it ought to be. No,
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  Speaker 2: I shouldn't say that God knows what you be. In
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  Speaker 2: the Bible. It might as well be because the proverbs
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  Speaker 2: are dense with warnings about being slothful and lazy and
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  Speaker 2: empty headed. How long will you lie there, oh sluggard,
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  Speaker 2: when you arise from your sleep, a little sleep, a
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  Speaker 2: little slumber, a little folding of the hands, and poverty
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  Speaker 2: will come upon you like a robber, and want like
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  Speaker 2: an arm Manverb six. The soul of the sluggard craves
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  Speaker 2: and gets nothing Proverbs thirteen. Go to the ant, oh sluggard,
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  Speaker 2: consider her ways be wise Proverb six. Or here's Romans twelve.
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  Speaker 2: Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,
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  Speaker 2: serve the Lord. An empty, passive, aimless mind will drift
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  Speaker 2: toward sexual sin. Those high aspirations for godly marriage will
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  Speaker 2: slide down the slick slope into a morass of desires
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  Speaker 2: her sexual titillation that will corrupt all your worthy dreams
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  Speaker 2: and sink you in very bad habits that don't prepare
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  Speaker 2: you for marriage, and distort the relationships you have. So
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  Speaker 2: stay busy, Stay busy with worthwhile efforts, and do as
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  Speaker 2: many of these as you can with other people. Excessive
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  Speaker 2: solitude is the playground of unhealthy sexual desires, and finally,
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  Speaker 2: could say it negatively and positively negatively avoid all unnecessary
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  Speaker 2: sexual stimulation. God has blessed you, Joe, with a beautiful
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  Speaker 2: dream to keep yourself pure till he leads you into marriage.
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  Speaker 2: So fight that defensive battle. But here's a positive, offensive strategy.
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  Speaker 2: And it was a great help to me between the
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  Speaker 2: ages of fifteen and twenty two. And yes, fifteen, I
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  Speaker 2: really wanted to be married. From fifteen on I said,
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  Speaker 2: I want to be married. So here's the way I thought.
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  Speaker 2: Picture your battle for purity as a battle for her,
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  Speaker 2: that future woman that you are going to love like
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  Speaker 2: crazy someday. For her. Don't just fight in general, say
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  Speaker 2: to her in your imagination, I love you. I am
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  Speaker 2: going to keep myself pure for you. And I know
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  Speaker 2: that you would not want me to look at this
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  Speaker 2: or do that. So for Christ and for you, I
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  Speaker 2: will be faithful.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. That is a precious hope for sexual purity. The
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  Speaker 1: battle for purity as a battle for her. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: purity is always a fight for others, an act of
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  Speaker 1: love towards others. It's a great angle on all of this.
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John, thank you and thanks for joining us today.
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  Speaker 1: If you have a question to ask, Pastor John, find
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  Speaker 1: a link to email us and find our complete episode
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  Speaker 1: archive at the same place. Askpastor John dot com. Well.
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  Speaker 1: Hebrews four to fifteen says Jesus was tempted in every
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  Speaker 1: way as we are, but he did not say But
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  Speaker 1: James one fourteen says we are tempted because of the
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  Speaker 1: evil desires that reside inside of us. So does that
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  Speaker 1: mean Jesus had evil desires residing inside of his own
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  Speaker 1: heart too if he was tempted just like us. Sophie
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  Speaker 1: with a great question. Up next, I'm Tony RANKI see
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  Speaker 1: you on Thursday.