Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Money Money Money Teaching Our Kids About Finances | Ep. 54

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Money Money Money Teaching Our Kids About Finances | Ep. 54 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:30
  Cheryl: Hello, You two.
• 1:32
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: You know?
• 1:33
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:34
  Cheryl: So we're missing the A.
• 1:35
  Cheryl: She's getting some extra.
• 1:37
  Cheryl: Training this week.
• 1:38
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:38
  Cheryl: So we'll have her back next time.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: And what are you drinking, Ellen?
• 1:43
  Ellen: Hot chocolate.
• 1:44
  Ellen: Oh, fall is?
• 1:46
  Ellen: Yes.
• 1:46
  Ellen: I'm very
• 1:47
  Cheryl: excited.
• 1:48
  Christie: Good time of year for hot
• 1:49
  Cheryl: chocolate for sure.
• 1:50
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Cheryl: Wrapping up.
• 1:52
  Cheryl: It's a long unending summer.
• 1:55
  Cheryl: Summer of heat.
• 1:56
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:56
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:57
  Cheryl: That's right.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: It's been a hard season.
• 2:00
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:00
  Cheryl: a lot of drought everywhere,
• 2:02
  Christie: but yesterday.
• 2:04
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:04
  Christie: So nice.
• 2:05
  Christie: What were those
• 2:06
  Cheryl: drops of water that fell from the sky?
• 2:08
  Christie: Well, I, I've heard ancient folklore that's called rain
• 2:13
  Cheryl: It was so welcome.
• 2:15
  Cheryl: Uhhuh I mean, we have needed it.
• 2:17
  Christie: I know.
• 2:17
  Christie: Two and a half inches in some parts of the state.
• 2:19
  Christie: Nice.
• 2:20
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:20
  Christie: yesterday morning I was working out in the garage and had the door open.
• 2:23
  Christie: It was nice and kind of warm, you know, And then all of a sudden this gray just starts ambushing towards the house and cooled everything down.
• 2:32
  Christie: It was
• 2:33
  Cheryl: great.
• 2:33
  Cheryl: It felt great.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: Do, Christie, do you remember?
• 2:37
  Cheryl: Early days in 2020 of the pandemic.
• 2:40
  Cheryl: Oh, I've blocked everything out.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: need too.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: But it was when we all didn't know quite how dangerous it was.
• 2:48
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:48
  Cheryl: Was it like Ebola or, Yes.
• 2:49
  Cheryl: What, And you and I had been.
• 2:53
  Cheryl: I think texting and you came over.
• 2:56
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 2:56
  Cheryl: we were
• 2:56
  Christie: on your back porch chatting and then it just, a downfall came and, but
• 3:01
  Cheryl: we were distancing, right?
• 3:02
  Cheryl: Because.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: Everyone had us so concerned about how serious it was.
• 3:06
  Cheryl: Right?
• 3:06
  Cheryl: So we moved to my garage and
• 3:08
  Christie: it felt like the riskiest thing we could do to sit in your garage together, because it put us less than 10 feet apart.
• 3:16
  Christie: pretty gy.
• 3:17
  Christie: I mean, we were still like eight feet apart, but
• 3:19
  Cheryl: you know, it's just been something else.
• 3:21
  Cheryl: Yeah, it's, Well, it's changed the world.
• 3:23
  Cheryl: It
• 3:24
  Christie: has Yeah.
• 3:24
  Christie: Yeah, we're in Oklahoma and I, for us, our house, we've always marked the beginning of the pandemic being the, uh, night they shut the thunder game down.
• 3:34
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 3:35
  Cheryl: Ellen, we don't mean thunder.
• 3:36
  Cheryl: Like storm
• 3:38
  Christie: takes me ambassador, you know the orange ball?
• 3:40
  Christie: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:41
  Christie: Basketball thing.
• 3:42
  Christie: Yes.
• 3:43
  Christie: But I was listening to a book the other day, and she's from Maine or Massachusetts or something, and.
• 3:47
  Christie: That game as a point of reference.
• 3:49
  Christie: And I thought, Oh, that, I thought that was just us, but that really was a big yes.
• 3:53
  Christie: Night.
• 3:54
  Christie: I mean, the, the one night that started everything,
• 3:56
  Cheryl: I remember my son came over and we actually had it on and we were eating something and mm-hmm.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: what, what's going on?
• 4:04
  Cheryl: Right.
• 4:05
  Cheryl: You know?
• 4:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:05
  Cheryl: and that was the defining moment.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: I think for the United States.
• 4:09
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:10
  Cheryl: It's just crazy.
• 4:11
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:11
  Cheryl: So,
• 4:11
  Christie: Wow.
• 4:12
  Christie: The life we've lived together,
• 4:14
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 4:14
  Cheryl: How it's changed.
• 4:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:16
  Christie: no, I think we're just now discovering the layers and layers besides the
• 4:20
  Cheryl: loss.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: In lives Right, Right, right.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: Well, financially, I mean, this is the domino effect of what's going on in the world right now.
• 4:26
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:27
  Cheryl: has a lot of the roots in what happened and, And you're a little
• 4:30
  Ellen: kid and you grew up with all these people being masked.
• 4:33
  Ellen: Right.
• 4:34
  Ellen: You know what is weird way
• 4:35
  Christie: to, Yeah.
• 4:37
  Christie: S that we'll have to explain to kids about how life was before and why things are like, kind of like with nine 11, my girls and I have talked about how flying.
• 4:47
  Christie: Free nine 11 or after has been so different, and it'll be kind of the same thing.
• 4:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:53
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 4:53
  Cheryl: Lot's going on, isn't there?
• 4:55
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:55
  Cheryl: and so.
• 4:56
  Cheryl: Focusing on why we're here to record today.
• 4:59
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:00
  Cheryl: uh, we've had several questions from parents and it's varied depending on the ages of their kids, but it's the same question and has to do with money.
• 5:11
  Cheryl: So one parent writes and says, Could you help us some with how to help our children, our teens with.
• 5:19
  Cheryl: Financial wisdom and responsibility.
• 5:22
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 5:23
  Cheryl: And do we make them work?
• 5:24
  Cheryl: And, and expanded that question.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: And then I've had parents of younger children sing.
• 5:29
  Cheryl: So how do we prepare our little ones?
• 5:31
  Cheryl: Do we give them allowance?
• 5:33
  Cheryl: Do we pay them for doing chores?
• 5:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:34
  Cheryl: So, mm-hmm.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: So how about that?
• 5:35
  Cheryl: If we just jump in with a blanket of all ages and talk about money and parenting.
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Sure.
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Well,
• 5:43
  Ellen: I know with money, that's a really hard subject, I think for all of us.
• 5:48
  Ellen: It doesn't matter your income level necess True, true, true.
• 5:51
  Ellen: It's just, you know, learning to manage it, that's a process.
• 5:55
  Ellen: And then learning how to teach your kids to manage it.
• 5:58
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 5:58
  Cheryl: so kids and money.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: Well, with my little sister.
• 6:04
  Cheryl: I would say, Hey, you have those little bitty dimes.
• 6:08
  Cheryl: I have these big nickles, and I would trade her nickels for dimes.
• 6:15
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 6:15
  Cheryl: Sorry y'all.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: This is true confessions.
• 6:18
  Cheryl: But it was
• 6:18
  Ellen: disappointing when you learned that the dime was worth, Right.
• 6:22
  Ellen: The nickel, but it was big.
• 6:24
  Ellen: It should have been, you know, worth
• 6:25
  Cheryl: more.
• 6:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:26
  Cheryl: Mm, mm-hmm.
• 6:27
  Cheryl: We were what I would say, middle income right.
• 6:30
  Cheryl: But y'all, my parents never taught me anything.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: About how to use money.
• 6:35
  Cheryl: Just kind of don't spend it.
• 6:37
  Cheryl: But um, I, I never got any training.
• 6:40
  Cheryl: What about y'all?
• 6:41
  Ellen: Yeah, the same with me.
• 6:42
  Ellen: Kind of the same situation.
• 6:44
  Ellen: My parents.
• 6:45
  Ellen: They didn't talk about money.
• 6:46
  Ellen: When my mother remarried, she and my dad built wealth, I mean like millionaire wealth.
• 6:51
  Ellen: Wow.
• 6:52
  Ellen: But they never taught me anything about money.
• 6:54
  Ellen: And my husband used to think that was the funniest thing.
• 6:56
  Ellen: You know?
• 6:57
  Ellen: Your parents never taught you anything about money.
• 6:59
  Ellen: I know.
• 7:00
  Ellen: But they were really frugal.
• 7:01
  Ellen: And they borderline stingy sometimes.
• 7:04
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 7:04
  Ellen: and.
• 7:05
  Ellen: You had to count for everything penny wise.
• 7:08
  Ellen: I think that I did get an allowance.
• 7:11
  Ellen: I think I vaguely remember, but I just remember my dad was always wanting me to add extra chores, but he was so cheap and what he would pay.
• 7:20
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 7:20
  Ellen: I would tell him, I'm not working for that little, I can go next store and babysit and make more money than help you
• 7:26
  Christie: over here.
• 7:27
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 7:28
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:28
  Christie: I grew up you.
• 7:30
  Christie: Parents were divorced and I went back and forth between homes and over the years we would have different circumstances of having plenty and other times having less.
• 7:40
  Christie: And like you guys though, I never remember any real lessons of how to manage money.
• 7:46
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:46
  Christie: And how to be smart with it or, um, what it's even for Yeah.
• 7:51
  Christie: There was just
• 7:52
  Cheryl: no teaching Look at this, all through this came from diverse financial situations.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: Right?
• 7:58
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: But we all were
• 8:00
  Ellen: poor in training.
• 8:00
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 8:01
  Ellen: within the home.
• 8:01
  Ellen: I noticed, like my younger sister was always Miss Moneybags.
• 8:05
  Ellen: She, Oh, she had, I mean, every space in her room was stuffed with money.
• 8:11
  Ellen: All of her piggy banks were full.
• 8:12
  Ellen: I mean, she, she had multiple piggy banks, she had money in her drawers and so, Dad and I used to have to borrow money from our tabs cash, you know, and she remembered and she did the same with her Halloween candy.
• 8:25
  Ellen: She'd have Halloween candy under her bed in a box till next Halloween.
• 8:31
  Ellen: Oh wow.
• 8:31
  Ellen: I mean, that was just something within her personality.
• 8:35
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 8:35
  Ellen: Whereas mine was usually gone the first three days.
• 8:38
  Ellen: Uhhuh
• 8:38
  Christie: Yeah, Yeah.
• 8:39
  Christie: I, I guess there are just natural savers or natural spenders.
• 8:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:43
  Christie: I kind of fluctuate, which is the case with everything in my life.
• 8:47
  Christie: going back and forth between, maybe because I did have differing circumstances in my upbringing.
• 8:53
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:53
  Christie: But, um, yeah, based on personality,
• 8:56
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 8:56
  Cheryl: What do y'all think?
• 8:57
  Cheryl: Because personality does come into it.
• 8:59
  Cheryl: I was the same thing.
• 9:00
  Cheryl: I worked and babysat and started accumulating and I kept it my top drawer I would come in and and I would have IOUs from my mom gentle laugh, you know, Cuz you what we have with ATMs and drive.
• 9:15
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:15
  Cheryl: Banks had such limited hours.
• 9:17
  Cheryl: I mean, it was a real hassle.
• 9:19
  Cheryl: So you
• 9:19
  Ellen: didn't get shut cash out by Friday, right?
• 9:22
  Ellen: You weren't, cuz they weren't open on the weekends.
• 9:24
  Ellen: No.
• 9:25
  Ellen: And you
• 9:25
  Cheryl: didn't have just, It was a hassle.
• 9:27
  Cheryl: And so she would need the cash to run to the store.
• 9:30
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:30
  Cheryl: So I would have IOUs all the time from Mom That's funny.
• 9:33
  Cheryl: People nowadays don't understand banks were sort of a luxury mm-hmm.
• 9:37
  Cheryl: of their hours.
• 9:38
  Cheryl: But it was a trip to have to go all the way to the bank and go in the bank and you had to meet their hours You couldn't just access money.
• 9:45
  Cheryl: Well, and
• 9:45
  Christie: now you don't even need to, I mean, you have to have cash for anything.
• 9:49
  Christie: It's almost a nuisance for, It's the,
• 9:52
  Cheryl: I went in yesterday, I was with somebody and then stopped and she wanted something from McDonald's and so I went in.
• 10:00
  Cheryl: and I happened to, have my debit with me.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:05
  Cheryl: So when I went in, it said we only take cash or credit.
• 10:09
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:09
  Cheryl: So I had to go back out in the rain, Uhhuh, to pay at a kiosk.
• 10:13
  Cheryl: So it's just an unusual thing now.
• 10:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:15
  Cheryl: A lot of places won't take
• 10:17
  Christie: cash.
• 10:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 10:17
  Christie: Well, and that's making me think that if we're not careful, it would be easy to do the same thing our parents did and not teach our kids about money because, you know, Apple Pay, you just tap your phone.
• 10:28
  Christie: They would never even know we're paying for the Happy meals or whatever they're seeing us pay for.
• 10:33
  Cheryl: oh, true.
• 10:34
  Christie: We don't verbalize it.
• 10:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 10:36
  Christie: Because like we're saying, we can come from different unhealthy places based on our own circumstances or personality.
• 10:43
  Christie: And you can be an overs spender and over ulr or I think a thing I.
• 10:50
  Christie: A lot in myself and others is a scarcity mindset of Yes.
• 10:55
  Christie: Feeling like you're never going to have enough and I've got to be so careful.
• 10:59
  Christie: Yeah.
• 10:59
  Christie: And not enjoy, you know, anything of this
• 11:03
  Cheryl: and hang to it.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: Well, you know, though, that scarcity mindset is real.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: for people who Yes.
• 11:07
  Cheryl: Who have had scarcity.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: but you know, I think it can come from.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: Of loss, right.
• 11:14
  Cheryl: But also from greed.
• 11:16
  Cheryl: I don't know who, it was one of the tycoons Getty or somebody, you know, and they're billion billionaires, right?
• 11:22
  Cheryl: Because they didn't have income tax Yeah, But they, said Well, Mr.
• 11:26
  Cheryl: Getty how much.
• 11:27
  Cheryl: Is enough, and he said$1 more.
• 11:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:31
  Cheryl: So C being a billion billionaire.
• 11:33
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:34
  Cheryl: He still had a scarcity mindset, but it was greed.
• 11:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:37
  Christie: I mean, you can be greedy in poverty and greedy in wealth.
• 11:41
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:41
  Christie: That's an issue of the heart more than Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:43
  Cheryl: It is.
• 11:43
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: So what would we say then as parents to be thinking about how we want to equip our.
• 11:52
  Cheryl: What would be the goal?
• 11:54
  Cheryl: Cuz we, you know, we've been using the picture of a roadmap in our parenting mm-hmm.
• 11:59
  Cheryl: and that we have a goal where we want to get mm-hmm.
• 12:01
  Cheryl: What would be that roadmap goal in finances, you know,
• 12:05
  Christie: if one extreme on the spectrum is a scarcity mindset mm-hmm.
• 12:09
  Christie: where you, you're hoarding or acting out of fear, you're a scrooge.
• 12:12
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:13
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 12:13
  Christie: Then the other extreme would be frivolous abundance, but I, I think a healthy place would be a place of wisdom and, um, generosity.
• 12:25
  Christie: That's true.
• 12:26
  Cheryl: Well,
• 12:27
  Ellen: and you don't want.
• 12:28
  Ellen: Money to control you.
• 12:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 12:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 12:30
  Ellen: Cause you know, we've probably all been, and I'm sure lots of our listeners have been in that position when you are controlled by money or the lack thereof.
• 12:38
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 12:39
  Ellen: You know, and.
• 12:41
  Ellen: That's not a healthy place to be.
• 12:43
  Ellen: Sometimes you can't help your circumstances if you don't have enough money, but you still don't want it to control how you feel about yourself, Yes.
• 12:52
  Ellen: And is it the thing that drives you?
• 12:54
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 12:54
  Cheryl: Oh, that's good.
• 12:56
  Cheryl: thinking about this?
• 12:57
  Cheryl: So what would y'all think if we said, you know, to choose in your parenting, either a wisdom mindset for our children, we want them to be financially wise, or are we gonna choose an accumulation wealth mindset?
• 13:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:11
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:12
  Christie: I mean, those are two different philosophies.
• 13:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Christie: Or mindsets you can.
• 13:15
  Christie: teach your kids towards,
• 13:17
  Ellen: having a wisdom mindset doesn't exclude that you don't care about money or, um, saving or putting things aside.
• 13:25
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:26
  Ellen: It's how you see money as a, basic foundation of many things in your.
• 13:31
  Ellen: And what you do with what you
• 13:32
  Cheryl: have.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Well, and if you look at all of scripture, it doesn't talk against wealth.
• 13:38
  Cheryl: That's right.
• 13:39
  Cheryl: It talks about how you use it.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: And is it a tool or is it the goal?
• 13:44
  Cheryl: Right?
• 13:44
  Cheryl: And where is your heart?
• 13:46
  Cheryl: So as parents, we have to decide, this is our goal.
• 13:51
  Cheryl: To work on our children's hearts in this direction.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:54
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 13:54
  Cheryl: So that's the goal.
• 13:55
  Cheryl: What would be some principles that you would say you have learned over the years or you wish you had learned over the years, or wish you had taught your kids?
• 14:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:04
  Ellen: That there's a tomorrow Okay.
• 14:07
  Cheryl: One of the
• 14:07
  Ellen: principles I think that's really important that I tend to forget is preparing for the future.
• 14:12
  Ellen: That's true.
• 14:13
  Ellen: You know, I really enjoy living in the now and doing what's fun and interesting at this moment and not thinking about, I'm glad I have a husband that thinks about the future, but you know, it's just easy to get caught up in, Oh, I've got$10 in my purse, let's go find something to do, but you know what I mean?
• 14:32
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:32
  Ellen: That general idea.
• 14:33
  Ellen: So, um, I think the preparing for their future is really important and teaching your kids to kind of have that.
• 14:39
  Ellen: Yes.
• 14:40
  Ellen: My mother was, um, very much a think to the future person and I don't remember her ever even giving us money and if we got money for our birthdays mm-hmm.
• 14:51
  Ellen: we, both my sister and I, probably from the time we were six on, had a bank account, but it was a savings.
• 14:56
  Ellen: We weren't allowed to touch it.
• 14:57
  Ellen: Wow.
• 14:58
  Ellen: But when I graduated high school, I had thousands of dollars that my mother had put away, and my sister did too.
• 15:07
  Ellen: And she said, Well, you can spend that now how you wanna spend it.
• 15:10
  Ellen: Wow.
• 15:11
  Ellen: If you wanna put it towards school, towards your wedding, whatever you wanna do.
• 15:15
  Ellen: But, um, I appreciate that in her that she thought like that, but she never taught me anything.
• 15:21
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:21
  Ellen: So I was always like, Gosh, my mom always takes my money, makes me put it in the
• 15:26
  Christie: bank.
• 15:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Christie: Kid's not gonna have that perspective.
• 15:28
  Christie: No.
• 15:29
  Christie: Of.
• 15:29
  Christie: No.
• 15:30
  Ellen: So that's why we're always stealing my dad's money.
• 15:32
  Ellen: Right.
• 15:34
  Ellen: from, His pool games and he played with his friends.
• 15:37
  Ellen: He had a jar and was always dipping in the till to, you know, get some
• 15:41
  Cheryl: spending money.
• 15:42
  Cheryl: And again, it would be planning for the future, not out of fear.
• 15:46
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:47
  Cheryl: You know, but actually planning.
• 15:49
  Cheryl: Well,
• 15:49
  Christie: and I, you know, I've mentioned a little bit that I tend to have a bipolar relationship with money You know, Yeah.
• 15:55
  Christie: Like you, Ellen, I have this, you know, love for fun and living in the moment.
• 16:00
  Christie: Eat, drink, and be merry.
• 16:01
  Christie: Exactly.
• 16:02
  Christie: And, but then my, my other side of me is like, Oh, but I need security.
• 16:07
  Christie: I need stability.
• 16:09
  Christie: I want something, you know, to be steadfast and short.
• 16:12
  Christie: But you know, I.
• 16:13
  Christie: For me, a big principal has been delayed gratification because I do want to have a good time and, and enjoy what I might have to, to spend, but putting it a little farther down the road helps me make wiser choice.
• 16:27
  Christie: And I think that's something really good to, for our kids too, is to have delayed grad patient, not no gratification.
• 16:35
  Christie: That is, that's
• 16:36
  Cheryl: excellent.
• 16:36
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:37
  Cheryl: And one of the things I really appreciated, That again, the same with Bill.
• 16:42
  Cheryl: His parents did not teach him.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: Any principles.
• 16:45
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:46
  Cheryl: And so he had someone he turned to and read early in the days when you didn't have podcasts, when you had to like listen to the radio or read books.
• 16:54
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:55
  Cheryl: at a certain time.
• 16:56
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:57
  Cheryl: That's right.
• 16:58
  Cheryl: Or you get.
• 17:00
  Cheryl: Audio cassettes but there were three principles that he pulled from that, that we kind of did build on ourselves.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: And then we talked to our kids But we did try to teach these, and I thought they were really solid.
• 17:12
  Cheryl: Um, avoid debt.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: Live below your means.
• 17:17
  Cheryl: And then be generous.
• 17:18
  Cheryl: Mm, mm-hmm.
• 17:19
  Cheryl: and those three, three built on themselves.
• 17:21
  Christie: Yeah, that really is good.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: uh, because of the delayed gratification.
• 17:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:25
  Cheryl: And whether you have lots of zeros in your income or very few zeroes.
• 17:32
  Cheryl: I just think that was a great amount of wisdom and I'm so thankful after we lost him that those principles he had buried deep in me.
• 17:42
  Cheryl: And then that's what I continued with the kids is, well, let's look let's evaluate what we're doing according to these three principles.
• 17:49
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:49
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:49
  Christie: No, I think those are great Yeah.
• 17:50
  Christie: Um, and you know, that's gonna vary.
• 17:53
  Christie: That gives you a, a starting point.
• 17:55
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:55
  Christie: It gives you a baseline to come back to if, if you have those three big rocks like we've talked about in
• 18:01
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's true.
• 18:03
  Cheryl: Okay, so this is sort of philosophical.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: What are some practical things that we would speak to their parents?
• 18:10
  Cheryl: First, let's talk to the parent of little ones saying, Do we do allowance or not?
• 18:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:15
  Cheryl: So maybe a little rapid fire on that.
• 18:17
  Cheryl: what do you think about allowance?
• 18:19
  Christie: We did allowances, um, based on their age, and then we would do extra chores that they could earn extra money for.
• 18:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:27
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 18:28
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 18:28
  Ellen: And we kinda had, you know, when you have a big family and a long life, we've done different things, but I think mostly.
• 18:35
  Ellen: We had the philosophy of mm-hmm.
• 18:37
  Ellen: so here's X amount of money you get.
• 18:39
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 18:39
  Ellen: Because you're participating in the household, meaning you're part of the family.
• 18:44
  Ellen: we have some money, we didn't necessarily call it an allowance, but here's your spending money.
• 18:48
  Ellen: And then always if they wanted to earn extra money.
• 18:50
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 18:50
  Ellen: I kept that up on the, um, on a whiteboard on the fridge.
• 18:53
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: I think
• 18:55
  Ellen: though, when they were really little, we didn't worry about that, you know, when they're two to eight, we just kind of gave them what they needed,
• 19:04
  Cheryl: Well, when they were young we gave a certain amount and then as you got older, a little bit more to learn the responsibility and also the joy of having, spending money mm-hmm so they could learn.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: Delayed gratification.
• 19:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: or the principles.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: until they could really start earning it.
• 19:20
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:20
  Cheryl: And then we.
• 19:22
  Cheryl: Led over into all of my kids started working, babysitting, or doing other things to bring in their own income.
• 19:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:30
  Cheryl: And then, I actually did not know to do it with our older two and with our youngers.
• 19:35
  Cheryl: When I heard.
• 19:36
  Cheryl: What you did.
• 19:37
  Cheryl: I started saying, Okay, I will give you this much money and then you can budget it right.
• 19:42
  Cheryl: How you want.
• 19:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:44
  Cheryl: and then you make up the whatever else.
• 19:46
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:46
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:47
  Ellen: What you're talking about is like clothing allowance.
• 19:49
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 19:49
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 19:50
  Ellen: When our kids hit 12, 13, we said here's X amount of dollars.
• 19:55
  Ellen: Semester of clothing and you get to take it and get what you wanna get, but you don't get anymore.
• 20:02
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:02
  Ellen: That's it.
• 20:03
  Ellen: If you have your own money, you can add to it, but This is your clothing allowance, so it's a good place for your children to fail.
• 20:09
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:09
  Ellen: Right.
• 20:10
  Ellen: Cause it's safe.
• 20:11
  Ellen: So, Every one of them bought something really ridiculous and stupid and then they didn't have any underwear.
• 20:16
  Ellen: Right.
• 20:17
  Ellen: But you know,
• 20:17
  Christie: that was life.
• 20:18
  Christie: Sorry, we've done the same thing.
• 20:20
  Christie: And you know, without saying I told you so, or, you know, criticizing their decision, but letting them have the feeling of maybe disappointment that.
• 20:29
  Christie: Yes.
• 20:29
  Christie: Those$130 tennis shoes weren't as satisfying as you thought they were.
• 20:33
  Christie: Right.
• 20:34
  Christie: And now you don't have enough tops Yes.
• 20:36
  Christie: Yeah.
• 20:36
  Christie: And then
• 20:37
  Cheryl: you see, if we have the big picture, we have the roadmap.
• 20:41
  Cheryl: What you're teaching is consequences.
• 20:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:43
  Cheryl: for our actions.
• 20:44
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:45
  Cheryl: And without, though I told you so building up of, you know, My choices have consequences.
• 20:52
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:53
  Cheryl: And to think ahead.
• 20:54
  Cheryl: One of the things the parent that wrote us the question about financial responsibility, said, We haven't laid any groundwork.
• 21:00
  Cheryl: We don't know what to do.
• 21:02
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:02
  Cheryl: And I would say one of the, um, Principles that we did is we taught our kids how to make decisions.
• 21:10
  Cheryl: And so it was one of the areas that was a strength in our family, is the ongoing conversation, talk about how we made decisions as parents.
• 21:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: Now, we didn't burden them with a lot of the details of our finances, but we did talk about here's how we're gonna make a decision so even little ones beginning to teach cost benefit ratio.
• 21:29
  Christie: Okay?
• 21:29
  Christie: Define
• 21:30
  Cheryl: that.
• 21:30
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 21:31
  Cheryl: And decision making that everything has a cost and everything has benefit.
• 21:36
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 21:36
  Cheryl: And you have to decide, right?
• 21:38
  Cheryl: Like you, for you.
• 21:40
  Cheryl: Eating the candy now Right.
• 21:42
  Cheryl: Was a benefit that overran the cost and for your, so well, and
• 21:45
  Christie: then there's no shame, right?
• 21:47
  Christie: Attached.
• 21:48
  Christie: You've, You've weighed the cost.
• 21:49
  Christie: Yes.
• 21:50
  Christie: You've made the choice and you're okay with the consequence.
• 21:52
  Christie: Yes.
• 21:53
  Christie: And so then everyone can live in harmony on the other side of
• 21:55
  Cheryl: this and just walking them through, making the decisions.
• 21:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:59
  Cheryl: that remember.
• 22:01
  Cheryl: Evaluate.
• 22:02
  Cheryl: Right.
• 22:03
  Cheryl: What is my bigger goal in this?
• 22:04
  Cheryl: And
• 22:05
  Ellen: watching your kids go through the pain of making a bad decision
• 22:09
  Christie: or in the safety of
• 22:10
  Ellen: your home, right?
• 22:11
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:11
  Ellen: And so, you know, you can just go, Oh yeah.
• 22:13
  Ellen: And you don't have
• 22:14
  Christie: toing your own, I'm assuming other people make mistakes with money.
• 22:19
  Christie: Right?
• 22:19
  Christie: Right.
• 22:19
  Christie: Okay.
• 22:21
  Christie: Yes.
• 22:21
  Christie: Verbalizing that to your kids, like you said, maybe leaving out the nitty gritty details, but saying, you know, even as a family, Hey, we've eaten out too much this month, next week, next month, we're gonna have to rearrange some things in the budget.
• 22:35
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:35
  Christie: and letting them feel that that sacrifice.
• 22:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:38
  Ellen: And it's hard.
• 22:39
  Ellen: It's hard to say no to your children, and especially if it's something maybe they kind of need.
• 22:45
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:45
  Ellen: And you don't have the budget to cover it, even though you may have.
• 22:49
  Ellen: Uh, a good steward, but you just, you only have so much money.
• 22:53
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:53
  Cheryl: Well also, even if you do have the money, that's why I like the idea of being intentional about what we're talking about.
• 23:01
  Cheryl: That we have a budget and so, um, I have friends that had plenty of money.
• 23:09
  Cheryl: They could have bought it.
• 23:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:11
  Cheryl: But they made the intentional decisions of where to draw the boundary lines.
• 23:16
  Cheryl: how they were going to do it.
• 23:17
  Christie: Yeah, that really is good
• 23:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:18
  Cheryl: So their children were not indulged.
• 23:20
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:21
  Cheryl: because indulging is.
• 23:23
  Cheryl: a really dangerous pit.
• 23:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:26
  Cheryl: right.
• 23:26
  Cheryl: That simply because you have the money, we're gonna spend it.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: And then also you don't want to rob your children of the opportunity of what y'all are just talking about.
• 23:36
  Cheryl: Learning from consequences.
• 23:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:38
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:38
  Cheryl: Well, and finding
• 23:39
  Christie: that sweet spot just gives so much joy and, um, Peace in how you handle money going forward.
• 23:48
  Christie: I have one of my girls that I'm just recently was coaching her into buying a very nice, expensive pair of shoes and she felt so guilty about it.
• 23:56
  Christie: Yes.
• 23:56
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:56
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:56
  Christie: And she's on her own and, and pays her bills, makes good money.
• 23:59
  Christie: And I was like, You have the money.
• 24:01
  Christie: Just do it.
• 24:02
  Christie: You know, just enjoy, rather than this shame and guilt of, Oh, I can't indulge in anything.
• 24:08
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 24:08
  Christie: or the other extreme of entitlement.
• 24:11
  Christie: And yes, I'm gonna spend it all on me all the time.
• 24:14
  Christie: You
• 24:15
  Cheryl: know, And that's why we want to do intentionality in this area Of finances.
• 24:20
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 24:20
  Cheryl: And that's why if you're married for y'all to sit down and Right and like the mom she already had teenagers, It's okay.
• 24:28
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 24:29
  Cheryl: you can sit down and say, Okay, we haven't talked about it before, but let's begin to do it now and show them how to do a budget and, Right.
• 24:36
  Cheryl: You don't realize what people don't know, right.
• 24:40
  Cheryl: For example, I remember with Alex one time something he said, Well, let's just buy that.
• 24:45
  Cheryl: And I said, Alex, there's no budget for it.
• 24:47
  Cheryl: And he said, Well just write a check.
• 24:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:50
  Cheryl: The magic check.
• 24:51
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:51
  Cheryl: And it's so much worse now because uh, the financial world is very virtual uhhuh because like you say, you just use Apple Pay or
• 25:00
  Christie: direct deposit or you know, direct deductions out everywhere.
• 25:03
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:03
  Cheryl: When found everything.
• 25:04
  Cheryl: So kids don't see the role's of money of we get this check or we get this money and they actually don't ever seek money.
• 25:13
  Cheryl: Right.
• 25:13
  Christie: Well, you know, we've, Started with the allowance of the younger kids and now we're kind of into those older years of Yeah.
• 25:20
  Christie: You know, do you have them work, do you not?
• 25:22
  Christie: And, and maybe that's, you know, dependent on what you've valued as far as activities in school and all that.
• 25:27
  Christie: So that's kind of a time question too, but I think there's a huge value in your kids' working while they're at home.
• 25:33
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:34
  Christie: And making their money.
• 25:35
  Christie: Our girls all bought their own cars and they spent a whole summer working.
• 25:39
  Christie: Um, one of them maybe didn't save as efficiently as what some other people might have suggested, but, um, then she kind of ran into the situation of, Oh, Well now this summer's over and I don't have a car and I'm depending on mom to pick me up.
• 25:53
  Christie: And if she's gonna pick me up, I have to leave this function early, you know?
• 25:57
  Christie: So there's those consequences of feeling, and that's similar to what we did when they were young with allowances.
• 26:03
  Christie: But again, like you were saying, Ellen, there.
• 26:05
  Christie: Under our roof and right at home feeling these consequences.
• 26:08
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:09
  Ellen: And it's, it's a safe place still because if you wake up one morning, you can't pay your rent mm-hmm.
• 26:15
  Ellen: and you get an eviction notice, that's not very much fun.
• 26:18
  Cheryl: So.
• 26:18
  Cheryl: Right.
• 26:18
  Cheryl: And they may make those choices, but, Our job is not what choices they will make.
• 26:25
  Cheryl: Our job is
• 26:25
  Ellen: is preparing them for the future..
• 26:27
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 26:28
  Cheryl: even in this area
• 26:29
  Ellen: of finance.
• 26:29
  Ellen: Well, if we don't give them the information right, of how to manage their money, then they go out and they don't know what to do.
• 26:36
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 26:36
  Ellen: they don't know how to pay for things or do things We started when our kids were little, we let them go into the bank and make the deposits back in the day.
• 26:46
  Ellen: Oh, when you made deposits, there's just so many things that you can let your children do that really helps'em understand.
• 26:53
  Ellen: But I think the biggest thing is letting them fail.
• 26:56
  Ellen: Letting them learn that you gave them$20 and it was supposed to last for two days and they spent it in an hour.
• 27:04
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:05
  Ellen: and I think the foundational key is as parents, if you are not on a.
• 27:11
  Ellen: If you don't know how to manage money, find out how to do that.
• 27:14
  Ellen: That's true,
• 27:15
  Cheryl: and there's every app, there's everything free in the world to to help.
• 27:20
  Cheryl: And budget.
• 27:20
  Ellen: Budget apps are wonderful because you can just say, I think you mentioned it earlier, Cheryl, it's not in the budget.
• 27:25
  Ellen: Sorry, we can't do that right now.
• 27:27
  Cheryl: And then talk about it.
• 27:28
  Cheryl: Right.
• 27:29
  Cheryl: Talk about a budget is again what you're saying.
• 27:32
  Cheryl: It's contentment, not entitlement, not greed or fear.
• 27:35
  Cheryl: This is wisdom, right?
• 27:36
  Cheryl: And so we begin with a budget and then how are we gonna use then?
• 27:40
  Cheryl: But it's reality.
• 27:41
  Ellen: Yes.
• 27:42
  Ellen: Right?
• 27:42
  Cheryl: And I will tell you one of the things that budget did for us because of the scarcity mindset that I came with for a long time, was just don't spend money.
• 27:53
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:54
  Cheryl: And I loved what happened when Bill brought in budget.
• 27:58
  Cheryl: Cuz even when we didn't have much and we were going to school and graduate school and like our budget.
• 28:03
  Cheryl: Pennies, but he built into the budget some fun, right?
• 28:08
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 28:09
  Cheryl: that we're going to do that.
• 28:10
  Cheryl: And so even if that was just walk down and get ice cream cones at the corner or whatever it was, yeah.
• 28:15
  Cheryl: He said, No, we have the budget to do that.
• 28:19
  Cheryl: And he built into the budget generosity to others.
• 28:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 28:22
  Cheryl: So, uh, yeah.
• 28:24
  Cheryl: Thought that was such wisdom.
• 28:26
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 28:26
  Christie: It's a, it's just a regulator of what the plan Yes.
• 28:29
  Christie: That's good.
• 28:29
  Christie: Was is it's That's a good idea.
• 28:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 28:31
  Christie: A no or a stop sign or, you know, restricting it.
• 28:34
  Christie: It's just a plan.
• 28:35
  Christie: Well,
• 28:35
  Ellen: we have to budget in fund, We are created.
• 28:38
  Ellen: To enjoy things.
• 28:39
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 28:40
  Ellen: You don't wanna be a Scrooge.
• 28:41
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 28:41
  Ellen: you wanna enjoy your life together.
• 28:43
  Ellen: Right.
• 28:44
  Ellen: But at what level?
• 28:45
  Ellen: Depends on where your budget is.
• 28:47
  Ellen: And sometimes you can.
• 28:49
  Ellen: For that big thing, and other times you have to say no, but you can find the little things like go
• 28:54
  Christie: out for ice cream.
• 28:55
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 28:55
  Cheryl: And so our time is getting away from us.
• 28:58
  Cheryl: So what I want to do here, cuz we've been philosophical and practical, I kind of wanna come back to the philosophy because Christie, you brought up earlier about what's your mindset going to be.
• 29:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:09
  Cheryl: our goal, like the mindset, the scarcity mindset can be.
• 29:13
  Cheryl: either, uh, out of fear or out of greed.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: What would be the mindset that if we want to be wise parents in the area of, of our philosophy in finance and our home, what could we say?
• 29:26
  Cheryl: The cure for that greed or fear mindset.
• 29:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:31
  Cheryl: what would be a mindset that we could have?
• 29:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:34
  Cheryl: as a family.
• 29:36
  Christie: I think contentment.
• 29:38
  Christie: Contentment in what we're given.
• 29:42
  Christie: and gratefulness.
• 29:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 29:43
  Cheryl: Oh, that's good.,
• 29:44
  Christie: you know, being grateful for whatever our law is and whatever we have, whatever resources we have to be content with that and why stewards of it.
• 29:55
  Christie: That's true.
• 29:56
  Christie: It battles against either extreme of entitlement.
• 29:59
  Christie: That's really good fear and greed.
• 30:02
  Christie: Yeah, I just remember a fun practical thing we did when our kids were young and they were just getting the allowance.
• 30:07
  Christie: They had their own chores of the household that were just, You live here, so you do these things.
• 30:12
  Christie: But then we would give them the allowance and we wanted to talk about taxes so they weren't.
• 30:17
  Christie: So we had a family tax jar, so everyone would get their allowance.
• 30:22
  Christie: Wow.
• 30:22
  Christie: Their allowance and you know, we'd encourage their generosity of giving and then we would, you know, encourage them to save and plan how they were gonna spend.
• 30:30
  Christie: But they also had to pay a family tax.
• 30:32
  Christie: Wow.
• 30:32
  Christie: So a percentage would go in the jar, Everyone.
• 30:35
  Christie: Mom and dad included would put into the family tax.
• 30:37
  Christie: And then we got to decide as a family what we were gonna do with this money.
• 30:41
  Christie: Oh yeah.
• 30:42
  Christie: And so we did all put a ton of money for extra fun things.
• 30:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 30:45
  Christie: But you know, we might get ice cream or like you said, and something simple and it, it felt more like everyone was contributing to the fun because everyone was contributing to the work.
• 30:54
  Christie: Yes.
• 30:55
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 30:55
  Cheryl: Which
• 30:55
  Ellen: is real life.
• 30:56
  Ellen: Life.
• 30:57
  Christie: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Christie: I mean, they still laugh about it.
• 30:59
  Christie: They would be like, Mom, can we, don't we have family tax?
• 31:02
  Christie: Can we use our family taxes?
• 31:04
  Christie: talk to your sisters and if that's something that we all wanna
• 31:06
  Cheryl: do.
• 31:06
  Cheryl: Well, and then you get into the philosophy of government Does, do we right?
• 31:10
  Cheryl: Do we spend our tax money?
• 31:11
  Cheryl: Do we,
• 31:11
  Christie: No.
• 31:12
  Christie: It's actually come up in conversations about the economy and government and, Oh.
• 31:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 31:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 31:18
  Christie: That money isn't as fun as family tax.
• 31:20
  Christie: No.
• 31:22
  Cheryl: Well this is great.
• 31:23
  Cheryl: We have to quit.
• 31:24
  Cheryl: Thank you so much.
• 31:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 31:26
  Cheryl: And we'll be back here next week.
• 31:28
  Cheryl: Parents, however you budget your week.
• 31:30
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 31:30
  Cheryl: Your money, your time.
• 31:32
  Cheryl: Remember, hang in.
• 31:34
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.