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Can Men And Women Be Just Friends · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our Relationship Coaching Group podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Roxanne, your host, and I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're diving into a topic that sparks debate.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: It also creates tension in relationships and often leave couples wondering where the line should be drawn.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And today's topic, can men and women be just friends?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a question that seems simple on the surface, but once you're in a committed relationship, things can become quite complicated.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when your partner has a close friend with someone of the opposite sex?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: What if that friendship existed before you came along?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what if you're the one holding on to that friendship?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, today we're going to unpack all of that because this conversation isn't really about whether men and women can be friends, it's about trust.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's about respect.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's about understanding what healthy boundaries look like in today's relationships.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So settle in because we're about to get into it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, listen, when people ask whether men and women can be just friends, they're often asking a deeper question.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: They're asking, can my relationship remain safe and secure when outside friendships exist?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer is yes, of course.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy friendships absolutely can exist.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Many people have meaningful lifelong friendships with members of the opposite sex.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Some grew up together, some worked together, and some became friends through shared interests.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: That being said, the issue usually isn't the friendship itself.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: The issue is whether the friendship respects the relationship.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's where boundaries come in.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's be honest.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't get upset because their partner has friends.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: They get upset because of what certain friendships can sometimes become.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: A friendship can slowly shift from sharing updates to sharing secrets, from enjoying conversations to seeking emotional comfort, from healthy connection to emotional dependency.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes those shifts happen so gradually that nobody notices until a problem has already developed.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's face it, many emotional affairs don't start with romantic intentions, they start with friendship.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's why boundaries are very crucial.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not because friendships are dangerous, but because emotional intimacy can quietly cross lines if no one's paying attention.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, imagine this scenario.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sarah and David, fictitious names of course.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: They have been together for three years.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: David has a female coworker he's known for years.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: At first, Sarah doesn't think much about it, but over time she notices They're texting late at night.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: They share inside jokes.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: David talks about work situations with this female coworker before sharing with his partner Sarah.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: When something is going on with David and Sarah, David's female coworker is the first to hear about it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, nothing inappropriate has happened.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: No cheating, no flirting, but Sarah feels uncomfortable.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You ask?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because emotional energy is starting to flow elsewhere.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: The issue isn't that David has a female friend.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: The issue is that the friendship is beginning to occupy space that should primarily belong to David and Sarah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an important distinction.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: One mistake couples make is believing that trust means no boundaries.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: You'll hear things like, if you trust me, it shouldn't matter.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: They're just a friend.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But healthy relationships don't operate on unlimited access.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: A healthy relationship operates on mutual respect.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Trust and boundaries are not opposites.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, healthy boundaries help build trust.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it this way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can trust your partner completely while still agreeing on boundaries that protect the relationship.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say this again.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can trust your partner completely while still agreeing on boundaries that protect the relationship.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like you can trust someone to drive safely and still wear a seatbelt.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, boundaries aren't accusations, they're safeguards.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about what healthy opposite sex friendships look like.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: First, you have transparency, and by this I mean your partner isn't hiding the friendship.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know who the partner is.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, you know who the person is, and you know they know each other, and you know how they know each other, and the friendship is not a secret.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's face it, you have inclusion.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Inclusion is very important because the friend isn't treated like a hidden part of life.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're comfortable meeting them.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Your partner doesn't seem protective or defensive about the friendship.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what inclusion looks like.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this one is very important.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: The friend has respect for your relationship.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: They don't undermine it, they don't compete with it either, and they don't create unnecessary drama.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly not.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is another look at your partner.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: If that's it in a healthy opposite sex friendship, here's another way to look at it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: The communication remains respectful and reasonable.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Conversations that are intense or emotionally charged does not exclude you as the partner.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Conversations that are intense or emotionally charged does not exclude you as a partner.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, if something exciting is going on or something dramatic is going on, you're included in that conversation or you're included with that knowledge.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because healthy friendships generally feel open.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now that we've looked at what a healthy opposite sex friendship looks like, how about we take a peek at some signs a friendship might just be crossing the line?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now remember, not every friendship is problematic, but some behaviors deserve attention.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here we go.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: The leading of the pack is secretive communication.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what secretive communication would look like.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Deleting messages, hiding conversations, or this one we get a lot.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Changing phone screens when you walk into the room.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: This type of secrecy damages trust.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's another one.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: When your partner often seeks emotional support from the friend instead of from you.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, you're kind of left out of that department of being your partner's emotional support.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: The friend instead turns into that emotional support.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now think about this.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: If asking questions to your partner about the friend leads to anger or hostility, that may signal something deeper and that friendship or friend may have crossed the line.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this this is a big one.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: If your intimate relationship issues are discussed with your partner's friend of the opposite sex, of course, that line has been crossed.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think you would agree with that.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when the friend begins to occupy the role that should belong to the partner, the line has been crossed.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: When there is obvious flirting, little goo-goo eyes and sly little giggles and smiles across the room, or plenty of touchy feely, that may be signs that the line has been crossed.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the deal.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: To have a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to feel safe.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: You need to feel respected, and you need to be heard.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you start discussing with your partner that about you feeling uncomfortable, disrespected, and your words are not heard and taken to account seriously, then maybe the line has been crossed.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's a nugget.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not every couple have the same guidelines when it comes to their partner having a friend of the opposite sex.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some couples are comfortable with these with their partner having, for instance, a one-on-one-on one lunches.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some couples may be comfortable with their partner getting frequent texting and having a very close friendship with that person.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Other couples may be a little more uncomfortable, but you do have couples that their comfort level may be okay with their with their partner having a close friendship, someone with a with the opposite sex.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are a safe place.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And some couples may be uncomfortable with boundaries, may not want boundaries.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: But more than likely, if this is just a friend, boundaries will be considered and will be okay with your partner having boundaries with that close friendship.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: The thing is, situations like this really need to be discussed together with a clear understanding and a clear agreement as to handling an opposite sex friend and making clear boundaries that both of you agree with.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Many conflicts happen because one person believes something is harmless and the other sees it as disrespectful.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: But without communication, both parties can end up very frustrated.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're the one who have a close friend of the opposite sex, you should ask yourself, would I be comfortable if the situation were reversed?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Am I protecting the friendship more than my relationship?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Have I been transparent with this friendship?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And would my partner feel comfortable reading these messages?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Good question.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Am I putting more emotional energy into this friendship than I am in my relationship?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if your relationship is more important, more valuable to you than your friendship, then those are questions that could help you prioritize and maintain a healthy balance, a healthy balance between the friend and a healthy balance between your partner.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So as I close, I'll give you my final thought.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Can men and women be just friends?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Many people maintain healthy, respectful friendships throughout their lives.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: But friendship alone isn't what determines whether a relationship feels secure.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: The deciding factors are trust, transparency, respect, communication, and very importantly boundaries.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: When these things exist, friendships can coexist alongside a committed relationship.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Again, let me go back to the deciding factors.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Trust, transparency, respect, communication, and boundaries should be part of the agreement and understanding between the partner and the friendship.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because when these factors don't exist, even the most innocent friendship can become a source of contention.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I had to read the go over these factors twice.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's very important that relationships have trust, transparency, respect, communication, and boundaries so that friendships and relationships can coexist.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, healthy boundaries aren't about limiting freedom.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's about protecting both the relationship and the friendship.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, the strongest relationships aren't built on controlling each other.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're built on consistently choosing each other.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank each and every one of you for spending this time with me today.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where we'll leave today's conversation.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my final thought.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: They succeed because two people are willing to communicate, listen, and protect the connection they've built together.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever your views on friendships and boundaries, remember, every healthy relationship is strengthened by trust, respect, and open communication and safe boundaries.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have to throw that in.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Again, thank you for being here and thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonated with you, please like, follow, download, and share it with someone who may benefit from this podcast.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find us at relationshipcoachinggroup.com where you can email us with questions or comments, or simply want to see what services we offer.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, love wisely, communicate openly, and never underestimate the power of healthy boundaries, both in relationships and friendships.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, you're not alone.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we got this.