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Why narcissists keep score of everything they do · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about how narcissists keep score when
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  you're in a ties, a relationship.
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  There is an actual scoreboard if you're new here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. I forgot to say episode 993
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  y'all. I'll be switching it up
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  sometimes here and there. But episode 993 of the
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  Narcissist Code, There's no there's I'm going to do the
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  intro twice. But yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  So I posted a short video earlier today about that this
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  and I was just like, let me do another video let me do a let me
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  go into detail about that because I had this idea when I
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  was riding on the road. I dropped my son off at school
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  today that narcissists do keep score.
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  Like, that's one of the things that a lot of narcissists talk
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  to people do. Like everything that they do for
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  you, they hold against you. They it's like they keep tally
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  marks in a relationship for what they do for you like and what
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  they do for you. Let me say this, what they do
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  for you and what you do for them are unequal because narcissistic
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  people feel entitled. They feel like their their good
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  deeds are better than your good deeds, their their bare minimums
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  or equivalent or greater than You're over and you're you're
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  above and beyond. Their bare minimum is equivalent
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  or greater than your above and beyond.
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  Like you can go above and beyond and do something for them right?
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  Like you go get them you know they love, you can get them a
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  custom made whatever for their birthday or something like that
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  and they'll just tell you happy birthday and somehow theirs is
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  equal to yours. I told at least I told you happy
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  birthday. Why I didn't have to say that.
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  Why are you ungrateful? Boom, gotcha.
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  And when you were with a narcissist, y'all, you
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  absolutely know that no good deed goes unpunished.
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  Said it again, no good deed with a narcissist goes unpunished.
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  Because narcissistic people like when you do good deeds for them,
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  they feel like they are indebted to you.
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  When you do a good deed for a narcissist, when you give them a
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  gift, when you give them a present, when you go above and
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  beyond, they feel like now I've I've incrued a debt.
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  Now I owe you. Now I owe you for something like
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  because you've done a good deed for me.
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  Now I owe you. So that's why you get a lot of
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  narcissistic people that they will absolutely, seriously, they
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  absolutely will keep score. They will keep a tally of what
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  they've done for you. And like I said before every I
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  said every good deed is not going to always.
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  No good deeds are created equal. In a narcissistic person's mind,
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  their good deeds are going to outweigh your good deeds.
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  That's just the way it is. And that's not me just trying to
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  be like, well, you got to get used to this.
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  This is me telling you that your their good deeds are going to
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  outweigh yours. Like some narcissists will do
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  good things for you, especially during the love bombing phase
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  during the first stage of a toxic narcissistic relationship.
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  Narcissistic people will do good deeds for you.
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  They'll go above and beyond for you right then and there.
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  But this is kind of wow. The stuff they do, you do for
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  you in the beginning of the relationship, they live off of
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  that stuff. They don't forget the good
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  things that they've done for you.
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  Because in my mind, I've been good to you before, so you
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  should be appreciative of when I've been good to you.
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  So when I'm bad, when I if I do something bad to you, you can
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  always fall back on the good times.
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  Hey, remember we. It hasn't always been bad.
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  There were good times too. We've had we've had good times.
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  You act like it's all been bad. You you remember when I did
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  this. You remember when I did that.
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  You keep. See it's so it's so it seems
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  like, you know it's so easy to forget what I've done for you,
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  right. They never forget like a like an
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  elephant. A narcissist never forgets If
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  they do something for you. Let's go.
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  Go, go, go, go. Let me rephrase that right
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  there. Not like an elephant.
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  Because a narcissist does forget intentionally narcissistic
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  people, y'all narcissists. A lot of narcissists have a wild
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  imagination, right? Well, they create things that
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  they might not have done. So with some some of the good
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  deeds they've said they've done for you, they might not have
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  done for you or they over exaggerate the importance of
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  those good deeds. Like I said, in the beginning,
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  they can just say happy birthday to you, but a year year goes by
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  and then they tell you that I got you a good good for you.
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  I got you a good gift last year for your birthday.
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  At least I got you a good gift last year.
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  But they didn't. The only thing they did was wish
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  you a happy birthday. And now you're arguing on your
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  birthday about how they didn't do anything for your last
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  birthday. You see, they will create things
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  like that. And a lot of narcissists, like I
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  say right here, have selective amnesia, selective amnesia,
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  situational amnesia. I forgot, you know, they forget.
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  They tend to forget the good things that you do for them.
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  Oh, that's. I don't remember that.
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  That slipped my mind. When did you do that for me?
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  I don't ever remember you doing that for me.
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  You've never been there for me. You've never done anything for
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  me. I've been on my own since this.
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  You haven't done anything for me.
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  They forget the stuff that you do for them because they don't
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  value it. They might value evaluate in the
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  moment, but long term value, long term valuations don't come
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  with narcissistic people. Y'all They tend to value that
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  type of stuff right now. Like what do you have, what have
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  you done for me lately? Like the past for you, is it the
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  past, your past or what you've done for them?
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  Like that's irrelevant. Like the pet your past, the
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  things you've done for them is in the past, but the things they
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  have done for you in the past they can use right now because
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  the double standards exist And that can be a frustrating
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  dynamic to be in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic
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  person. That doesn't value the things
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  that they do, the the things that you do for them, but they
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  over value the things that they do for you.
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  You know, you give them a piece of gold, they give you a nickel
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  in return, you give them a chunk of gold, right?
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  They give you a nickel in return and say hey this is equal value
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  because mine, you know I got a nickel here.
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  You know you're not going to find you got gold is everywhere.
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  Gold is plentiful. Like you not going to find this
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  nickel nowhere. This is a special nickel.
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  This is this James, this is Michael Jackson nickel.
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  Whatever, stupid, you know, whatever stupidity they come up
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  with in that space right there. Like they overvalue the things
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  that they do for you. This nickel is worth way more
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  than that. Go to the right person.
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  You see they overvalue themselves, undervalue you.
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  That's where the inequalities of these types of relationships
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  come into play out. That's why I try to tell people
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  nothing you ever do for a narcissist will ever be good
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  enough because they undervalue the things that you do for them.
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  Sometimes it can be as simple as that.
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  They undervalue the things that you do for them and they
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  overvalue the things that they do for you.
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  Like say and that and that you can't.
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  Yeah. Well Lee, how do we switch that
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  up? You telling us like you like you
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  spitting fire right now you're you're fire, fire breathing
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  narcissistic dragon. Right now you're spinning hot
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  fire on this video or podcast or whatever, but how do we get them
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  to value us more? You can't.
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  Y'all. Typically the only time they try
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  to value you more when you leave because like sometime when you
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  leave, they say like, well, I'll change, I'll get you a gift for
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  your birthday. I'll do this, I'll do that.
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  But that's just manipulation. You say you can't get someone to
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  see your value. You know, like the only person
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  you are in charge of your own value, in your own worth.
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  You can't dictate how somebody else values you.
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  You know you can't dictate how somebody else values you.
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  That's why self love comes in. That's why self love is big in
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  these types of relationships. That's why I have myself love
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  journal. That's on Amazon.
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  Lee Hammock. I love me Self Love Journal on
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  Amazon to help you rebuild that self love.
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  Would you have this, That outer exterior, that that tough
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  exterior of self love. They can't do anything to you.
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  You are in control. You are all powerful.
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  You are almighty and they hate that.
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  They hate when you have the power, they hate when you have
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  the control, they hate when you have this type of stuff because
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  they you know you, they you don't really need them, you
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  know, So narcissistic people, like I said they keep scoring.
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  Like if you playing a game of basketball, whatever sport you
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  like to play, their baskets, their goals are worth more than
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  your baskets and your goals. You're shooting, you look,
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  you're shooting in the same net, but somehow their ball is bigger
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  than yours and it's worth more points.
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  Y'all can do the exact same shot, but somehow they get three
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  points. You get one point, you get half
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  a point. You know, you get deductions.
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  You get deductions. That's why.
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  Like when you give them you when you give a narcissist a gift
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  that they actually might want, they always seem to make to take
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  a slide at it. They always seem to cut it down,
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  even if they accept it. Sometimes they don't even accept
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  it. Even if they accept it, they
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  always seem to cut it down. Oh oh damn, this is a great
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  gift. You got it in red, though.
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  I really like the blue. What, So you don't get a full
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  point, you get half a point deduction because they like
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  blue, you know, it's all the undervalued and stuff.
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  They have to cut it down. They have to undervalue that
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  type of stuff right there. Oh, I love it.
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  I thought you said it was brand new though.
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  It's got a scratch on it right here and they probably put the
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  scratch on it. That's the mindset.
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  That's the dynamic. That's the space that you go
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  into. They keep score.
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  They keep score. That was saying and no good
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  Deegos and punish the good things you do.
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  Won't we be appreciated by narcissistic people?
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  Y'all, I'm not telling you to stop doing the good deeds, but
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  stop doing the good deeds and expecting somebody, expecting a
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  certain response. I'm like I said, I'm not telling
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  you to stop doing the good deeds because they they might be who
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  you are. I'm just telling you to stop
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  doing good deeds and expecting a certain response from this
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  person because they won't value it the way it should be valued.
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  You know you have the wrong, you have the wrong appraiser.
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  You have a, you know, a home appraiser trying to value a
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  precious antiquity. You know.
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  So you have to get the right appraiser, and you are the right
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  appraiser. You know how valuable your stuff
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  is. You know how valuable you are.
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  Even though they might have tried to, they might try to
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  convince you that you're not valuable.
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  You're not as valuable. You don't have that value.
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  You don't have that worth, and what not, They'll try to
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  convince you of that. So if you're dealing with a
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  toxic, narcissistic person, you just understand.
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  Y'all I'll tell. You have to tell people nothing
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  that you do for this person will ever be enough.
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  I don't care what it is. It might be enough in the
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  beginning. But as like as the relationship
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  progresses, the things that you do are valued less and less in
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  the things that they do. They expect them to be valued
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  more and more. So they feel like they can do
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  less and it should be valued more.
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  And you you do more and it's valued less.
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  Destiny. Dynamics of these toxic
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  narcissistic relationships. That's part of it right there.
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  They keep score and they will all look.
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  They will always, almost always let you know what the score is.
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  Sometimes they keep the score hidden but just know you're
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  losing. You know you don't see the
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  score, but you know you're losing within the space right
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  here. Y'all but y'all have to hop off
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  here to do a one-on-one. Thank you for tuning in.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel.
• 11:13
  Check out the Self Love journal. Nothing on this out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
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  star and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
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  here for you to purchase my kids.
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  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.