Latest / Pod Therapy / #395: Love Languages, Life's Passion, Therapeutic Back Bone

Transcript

#395: Love Languages, Life's Passion, Therapeutic Back Bone · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh. The first time I was in Paris Royale with cheese. Okay,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: so I moast romantic McDonald's has ever eaten? Y you
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: handle it?
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: The McDonald's of the lights they called romantique. If you
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: watched the Parisian Olympics opening ceremonies, that McDonald's was heavily featured.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: No, So I I went there and I ordered the
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Royale with cheese. Okay, okay, and the guy's like, we're out, oh.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you can't be out, yes, McDonald
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: that can't happen, right, but you know, And so I
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: got something else.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: And then I went back to the table and I
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: sat next to my my ex brother in law who
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: was there, and he had a Royal cheese.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: The last one, the server he went to was not
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: a dick okay? The last one, yeah, yeah.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Was it called the Royale with cheese? Okay? I was
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: wondering if maybe you just said that trying to be cute,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: and really it was called something else, and you're like,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: like this both fiction.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: I'm sure. I like the America that day that Yeah,
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: there's a good motherfucker berger.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I quenched my first from.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: This big it's just gonna keep quotes selling from fabulous
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Las Vegas. No matter. This is pod therapy, real people,
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: real problems, and real therapists. You can set your questions
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: anonymously at pod therapy dot net or email us at
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: pot therapy guys at gmail dot com. Now broadcasting from
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: the Churn. That's Jim and Neck.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: It's time for some pod therapist Jane the Rockets Studios.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: You've changed the script.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Okay, you're gonna have to say that again so I
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: can write it down.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Bro, it is so obvious. Clearly, Let's say Jacob's house.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I like the scenic choy pond thing you would and
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: the shout out to es J and the Ruckus. This
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: is their house, bro, that is this is very much Chase.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: We got some new music equipment in here.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Well they just got back from a tour gig this
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: morning and so some of the gear got loaded in here.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, when I got here, Jacob was in the
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: workshop like fixing a like a piano bench, piano. It
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: was really cool, Like I got to watch him like
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: do metallurgy. It was really exciting. I bent a piece
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: of metal. It was wild. I know, it was pretty exciting.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: He used a vice and there was like a crowbar
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: and a and a hammer.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: It was really fun. We rent Laura and I uh
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: uh and uh. I don't know what the deal is,
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: but every single light switch in her house has just
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: fucking fallen apart, Like they still work, but they're the
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: they're the switches where it's just you press the top
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: part or you press the bottom one of those Rocker
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: switch Rocker switch, Yeah, and they're all just John Rocker
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: switch Racial time talking about the New York City subway. Yeah,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: google John Rocker. I have to go back to nineteen
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: ninety seven for that one. Yeah, somebody was listening.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: It was like, fuck yeah, baseball reference, You're welcome.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: This is pre Chipper Joan's back. This goes so anyway.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: There's like one listener who was like just clapping, like yeah,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I get that listener.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: I say you're welcome, You're yeah. Uh no. So like
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: every one of these switches, they're just barely hanging on. Yeah,
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Like I don't know who had the house before us,
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: but they must have just punched.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: They caved in, because I feel like those ones cave
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: in a lot where you're push from two far.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Like, no, they're not caved in but like only half
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: of it is still like there's like a little catch things. Yeah,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: like it's just it's just barely like it's it's very loose.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Like a breeze would shut it off kind of thing. Yeah, okay,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: got it.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: So Laura's in the bathroom because she's got her own
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: bathroom upstairs.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, can turn her off.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Her switch had broken and years ago, so to keep
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: it on you had to have your finger in the alright,
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: preferbial dyke if you will. She listens to the show again.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: What none more? Shut it off by now we gave
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: up on the Nazi ship, so give up a stroke.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: No, we should because that in the last two years,
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: that's like that's a real thing. Now that's like it
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: was funny and haha joke, and then now it's like
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: we do have a real life Nazi.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's true.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: The world has changed.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, they were fiction all the time. They were Okay, bro,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: they're like fairies and vampires. Okay, you read stories about them,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: they don't actually exist.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Back to the light switch, So I I was like, okay,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: I could put in a work order, but then we
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: have to wait and we have to have some stranger
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: candy man come in to do the handed man. So
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: I just like, not, fuck it. I'm just gonna do
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: this one myself.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I'm here, sniff all the light switches.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: I heard they need to be flipped.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Show me where each light switch is slowly, so.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: I go to home depot. I get a couple of switches.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Have you already named each of your light switches? And
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: name the while we proceed about a label maker. This
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: is this one's nice. This is not a difficult task. Okay, okay,
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: you could probably do this. But have you ever switched?
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: Have you ever the top? But you know I could switch?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Have you ever done any kind of electrical stuff? No
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: at all?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, I called an electrician ones when a breaker went.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Out that counts. Did you or did your son?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I did it?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: No. I called him and then he told me, hey,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: this is just the breaker. You do not need electrician.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, I've I've looked into this.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: It's not a breaker. And then he literally walks over
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: and just he's like, that'll be one hundred dollars.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Okay. It's like, damn, never mind, you can't do this.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: I'm not the guy that guy, but it's funny because like, is.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: That's what it was? Not?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah yeah, so, uh, Laura has not really seen
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: me do a lot of handiwork because we've just been renting.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: The whole time off your shirt.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: So I roll.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: And then so like I'm doing this and she's panicking
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: where this is electricity? She's like if you get electrified?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Like she's like, what do? What do I do? Because
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I can't, Like if you're being electrocuted, I can't touch
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: you because then I'll be electrocuted too. Correct And I
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: was just kind of like, if I die doing this,
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: let me die, I lie, you can tell people just
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: I love you. Put the gun in my hand and
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: shoot me in there and so and so like the
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: whole time, I'm just fucking around with her. Yeah yeah
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: that she did not like that at all. But yeah,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: the whole thing took Like it's really easy.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Okay. I like those little press light switches that when
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: you turn them off, they glow like or there's like
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: a little light bulb inside you know what I'm talking about. Yep,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: that's perfect because then you can always see them and
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: they're like a little red light inside.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Well, I've never I can't remember a time I've walked
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: into a room and not known where the switches. Dude,
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: it happens to a lot like I have to be
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: able to see the switch. Usually you just you.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Know, reach Something that weirdly bothered me in Portugal is
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: the building code there is a little different. So the
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: light switches are just a little lower on the wall
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: than I think they're.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Going to be.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, interesting, and they're usually they're in a different place
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: than the US puts them too, Like the bathroom light
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: switches are outside of the door, and that kind of thing,
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: which is that's that's fairly common. Okay, it wasn't anything
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: weird or anything.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: But then you can shut off the lights when somebody's
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: taking a.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Ship, that's true.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I don't like that.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: But then you can also the idea is you can
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: turn the lights on before you walk into the room.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, makes sense, but does make.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of sense. I don't know the risk perse
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: of the reward on that. I don't like that.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I was someplace, Oh no, I remember, I remember, I'd
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: say I was someplace where the stairs were all different heights,
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: different depths, different, No what it was. It was a castle, yes, okay,
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: and they do that intentionally, okay, because if the stairs
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: are all exactly the same, you can just run up them, right,
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: So it's a defense. And so the other thing that
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: they do too is they have the staircase, those winding
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: staircases go it counterclockwise instead of clockwise.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Enemy's right arm against the wall. Oh.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: Castle design is really really is kind of cool. That's
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: really me.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I actually used to use this as a will protect you.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: No.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: I used to do this in group when we're talking
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: about like relapse prevention and and about like okay, you
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: kind of like this is your recovery.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: You have a castle there you go.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: You have to build a defense mechanism. I would talk
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: about like castle to hear all the things that they
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: did to protect themselves from an invading army. That's great.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: You know, I love that liquor yeseah. This is the
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: basement stores of liquor and drugs.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: So what I'm saying is when you sneak in your alcohol,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: you got to protect that ship. Don't let anybody know
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: where you're hiding it.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'll tell you. So, as you discovered,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I have started working at a rehab again. Okay, so
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Jacob working, Yeah, world's collided. Yeah, okay, because I had
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: to certify a program.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Are we talking about this, I'm not.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go into I was only gonna
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I was I'm going to dig into it.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I was only going to talk about the exit interview.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: So we do our exit interviews over zoom. Okay, okay,
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: So I didn't see Jim at all during the entire thing.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Just one you should explain to the audience. You work
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: for an organization that certifies substance a piece.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: Think of me as an auditor.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, and is the man then the
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: griff of Here's here's the thing, man, here's the thing Jacob.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: That you need to know is that the entire time
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I was waiting to be able to throw in mister
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: jobin into the conversation.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Wow, what an asshole, and it never came up. Yeah,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: and I left early. I'm glad I did know. That
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: is really funny. What a dick. Yeah, it ended up
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: going really well, But that was that was really funny.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: On Lord James.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: No, definitely not Colonel Definitely not Colonel James. My interns
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: were so confused that you were there. They're like, I've
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: met him. He spoke to our class. Yes, he did,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: like should he be here? I was like, probably not.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think he knew that.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: I worked here, So that was pretty fun.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I was just gonna say that it's
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: a shitty trying to monitor people smuggling drugs. Now that
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I'm back into that life, I'm like, God, damn it, dude,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: so much of your life is just spent trying to
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: keep drugs out of this house is so hard. It
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: really should They should put rehabs in a castle. Honestly,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: probably more sense. But anyway, if you're wondering where the
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: hell's Whitney, you know what we don't know. Okay, nobody's
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: seen her in weeks. It's not our business week.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Nobody's seen her in week.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Nobody's seen her in week, you know, And I think
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: that you call off the search at that point.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Just I've abandoned all hope.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I've moved on.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: You know, she comes back, it'll be a nice surprise. Yeah. Yeah,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I don't want her to not come back. Yeah, for
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I'm emotionally prepared for it. Yeah, I'm fine with it.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I mean not fine. That sounded mean, Okay, I've just
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I'll be who are we talking about? Glad shit the
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: pew pew girl. Remember that chick from Texas love language
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: is Hi Whitney. Oh that's her name? Oh that was
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: it Whitney, Colonel Jim, Jacob and Nick. I've been thinking
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: about a topic a lot lately. It's interesting how our
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: upbringing shapes our expectations in relationships, and I would like
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: your perspective on that. Me and my fiance talk about
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: this topic a lot. We get along great and rarely fight,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: but when we do it's usually surrounding this good, the yeah,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: juicy stuff. The other night, over dinner, we were talking
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: about how different our families were and how we grew
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: up completely opposite from each other. I come from a
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: family where we show lots of affection with each other,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: lots of hugs and verbal affection, and her family is
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: not as lovey dovey. I told her the way here.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I told her the way her family functions is strange
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: and foreign to me, and she said it was the
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: same way for her with the way my family does things.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: The problem is I require verbal and physical affection in
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: our relationship to feel secure, and she doesn't require it
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: as much. This makes up eighty five percent of our squabbles.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I love that word. Even though I know she loves
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: me and she tries the best to understand what I
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: need from her. Not getting that affirmation as often as
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I need is hard for me and causes me to
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: feel insecure at times, especially when I'm already stressed due
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: to unrelated matters. We're getting better at having conversations surrounding
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: the topic, but how do you give someone something that
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: doesn't come naturally to you? We understand we naturally on you,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: AH do that doesn't come naturally on you? AH? What
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: we understand we both are the way we are because
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: of how we were raised, and we do our best
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to understand each other's love languages. We have tried an
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: app that I believe Jim suggests that if I'm not mistaken,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: on the podcast called love Nudge, I did to try
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: and be more friend of meeting each other's needs, but
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: the app was unreliable and glitched often. Shit that's sad
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: to hear. The question is is there a way to
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: meet each other in the middle on this? Are there
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: other apps or exercises that we can use to strengthen
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: this part of our relationship? I hope I provided enough
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: information was clear enough in my thoughts. Thank you for
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: this amazing podcast and everything you do and the amazing
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: community that you have created. Lost in translation, Anthony Camarada,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: car Buddy, Tony Kay, Hey, hey, Tony, hey, hey girl.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: It's sad to hear that love Nudge is glitchy. I
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: still recommend it. I need to re download that and
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: make sure it's a It probably is shitty, I DK.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, this is uh. This is always a fun
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: thing to explore with couples. Sounds like it how how
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: we grew up and what things mean to us and
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: things that we've never questioned before until you get into
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: a relationship with somebody else. Yeah, and then how everything
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: they do seems really weird.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Isn't it weird that people end up together though, Like
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: because you look at things like this and you're like, oh, well,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: this person really craves affection and this person doesn't give it,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and yet we're together of each other, and it's like
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: how did that happen?
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: And then here we are going like, man, we really
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: need to like work on this because like I'm unhappy
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: a lot, or I don't feel very safe in our
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: relationship and like I'm asking food for these minimal things,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: but like, you just do not do these things naturally,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And then it's easy to take offense at that and
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: like read into that and be like, oh, well, it's
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: because you don't love me or you don't care about me.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Like I've told you my needs are, you're not meeting them.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: The other person's trying to explain to you, Like, I
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: just not wired that way. I just do not think
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: that way.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Was your family of origin like affectionate as far as
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: hugs and stuff like that?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: My mom was, yeah, yeah, your mom is as you
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: guys know, I mean, she can't keep her her hands
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: off you. You know, it's just very very.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Nor do I ask her to.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Now? Mom was like, lots of hugs and kisses, dead
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: fine hug kisses. Yeah, not really is The dad is
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: more just kind of in another room most of the
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: time doing his own thing. What about you? No, I
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: feel like in Iowa, you guys like shook hands and
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: didn't make eye contact.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, it was just a good handshake, a good
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: hearty handshake.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Hi mom, how are you at the anniversary as well?
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: But like animals today, how are the crops? He's been good?
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: No, my my we Yeah, like hugs still feel weird
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, Like my dad's side of the.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: Family, a few people, mostly my female cousins and my
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: aunt hug and then my sister is a big hugger.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I feel like in feminine culture, it's it's very acceptable
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: to just hug. It's just yeah, you can just everybody else.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: No, we never really did, okay, And even like Laura
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: and I were just talking about this this morning, like
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: even things like just things that you learn that you
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: kind of take responsibility for, like manners, you know, saying
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: please and thank you for stuff, you know, like she
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: never did that. She never grew up that way, because
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: it was like Mom took care of it. Like Mom
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: just did this. You just don't really say anything. It's
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: not expect You're like, yeah, it's like okay, I'm done eating,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Leave my dishes there. Leave Mom takes care of it,
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: you know. And it's not until you like become an
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: adult or you know, interact with other people and you're like, oh,
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: no one's here to take this stuff. What happens to
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: these dishes?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they magically go away.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: It's like that weird, sly way that you're telling Laura
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: on the show to put the fucking dishes in the dishwasher.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I feel like this is how he's doing. This is
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: going to be his new method to passive aggressively.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: It's actually, as I think about it, I'm the one.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem, Like who is who? If there's more
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: surprise in your relationship, who is more affectionate? What is
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: your love language? I feel like this has been discussed
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: years ago, but don't even mind's physical touch. Oddly enough,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I guess because I crave it. Because I never crave
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: those handshakes. Nothing gets me off faster hand handshake and
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: she puts her other hand on my elbow. I'm like,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: this is happening.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And so when she switches the handshakes where we're holding
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: each other's thumbs.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Flip it. Yeah, quick, quick, hard? What what is What
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: is Laura's love language?
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: I shouldn't know this.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's you verybody.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: What's the verbal one? Just the affirmation affirmation? That's what?
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Verbal affirmation? Verbal affirmation? Okay, yeah, the old out of boy.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Oh she loves a good out of Yeah, ladies love
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: a good out of boy. Real good there, fella, keep
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: it up the sport.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Great job, champ.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I now want to do that for like a week
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: and just see how long it takes. Just keep using
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: these like you know, chief, hey, Chief has your day,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: and just.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Wait until like this gets brought up. Can you go home,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: go home tonight and call your wife, chief chief and
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: please record fun.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: No.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: But I get this question, and I appreciate it because
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I think for a lot of couples it's weird to
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: us that you know, you you organically fall for each other.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: It's a great connection. But then realizing that, like, no,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the way that you do your relationship, and this is
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: another piece too. We often, as as Anthony said, we
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: often do what comes naturally to us, right. It goes
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: back to the old treat others the way you want
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: to be treated thing, which is very natural. I think
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: that that is a a lot of times you can
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: figure out your partner's love language by what they keep
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: trying to do at you, like the way they're trying
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: to show you love, and you're sort of like, like,
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I know, for us, you know, we've been married in
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: nineteen years now, but early in the relationship, I discovered
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: that hers was quality time and for me, I do
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: not care like I don't need to hang out after work.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to watch a show with you, Like
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: you can go watch another show in another room that
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: does not offend me. But I would do that and
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: she would just be like, wow, I guess that we're fighting.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: And then she'd kind of be a bitch me like why.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Are we what? What's going on?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Like I was that's it?
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I like we're good. What the fuck?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And then realizing like okay, So she would try to
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: spend time with me and I'd just be like, go away,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: like I want to play mega man, you know, like
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: what are we doing right now? You realize that about
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: the other person, And so like, I love this question
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: because I think for a lot of couples that is
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: a really like difficult thing to sort of sit down
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: and say, Okay, hey, let's let's notice this, because a
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: lot of times you don't notice it, you just feel
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: a certain way. And I like that Anthony's noticing it
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: and learning from it because a lot of people will say,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: and I'll hear this in therapy, they'll be like, uh,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: my partner doesn't love me, my partner doesn't care about me.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And I'll be like, well, why do you think that?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Like you'll talk to the partner and be like, so,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: what's going on. I'm like, you're falling apart. You don't
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: care for this persontion well by hand anymore, right, Yeah?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: And it's like, well you don't. You don't ever give
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: me hugs And they're like, what what does that have
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: to do with it? I love you? And it's like
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: that I don't feel like you do. So realizing this,
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I think is huge. And then what I love about
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: the love language is a lot of people complain about
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: it now because they're like, it's a really date paradigm.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: They they don't like the concept. I like it because
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: it places an intentional effort in the relationship that your
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: partner is not going to passively through osmosis pick up
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: affection or or feel like something's happening in this relationship
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: that's not gonna do it like, You've actually got to
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: send that their way, and it burdens you with doing
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: that in the way they best receive. To take the
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: time to get to know your partner and be intentional.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: And that's what I loved about that love nudge app
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: And I think why the books have been so wildly
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: successful is because it basically says, here's a list of suggestions.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And if a person is this way, they like gifts,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: they like quality time, they like words of affirmation, they
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: like physical touch. Like these are things that you should
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: do for them, And it's good that a book would
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: teach you that because you don't naturally think that way,
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: you know, like for you, Nick, I'm pointing at Nick.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I feel like yours is not probably words of affirmation.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like because like you just said, it's physical touch.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Do you know what your second one is?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: What are my options?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Words of affirmation, physical touch, money, gifts is one acts
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: of service just solving the problem in your life, and uh,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: quality time. If I guess, I would say yours physical touch, fine,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: you know, but then I would probably say your next
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: one is maybe acts of service. Like I feel like
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: if somebody just solves a problem for you to like
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: thank you like that, Yes, that was great?
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so probably because like, uh yeah, if
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Laura just, oh, here's a good example. If she goes
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: out to eat with one of her friends or goes
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: out to eat with her sister or something, and she
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: brings me back something, oh like a dessert or something
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: you thought of me that was left overs, like, oh,
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: that totally makes my day.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you do not need compliments very much,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Like in the.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Years that I've I've noticed that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I've noticed that because in the years that we've worked together,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: there have been times where, like mine, I tend to
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: give out praise generously to team members and stuff like
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I try to give people their flowers, Like I have
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: this whole mantra about like being intentional about that because
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I think I need that in my life, right, so
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I naturally give that away. And throughout the years, I
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: can think of so many times that I've tried to
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: pay you a genuine compliment, and I remember just watching
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: you the most fucking uncomfortable you've ever been, Like I
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: think there's been times you've literally interrupted me, like so
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: you're gonna get the nachos or what. I'm like, Hell, bro,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I just you really handle this, thanks man, I get it,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Like Jesus, you do not. You're not about that, So
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: you're embarrassing me. Stop it? Well, I did. I do
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: tell every restaurant that it's your birthday as well, because
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: mostly for the free dessert.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: You're fair.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: What are your love languages, Jacob, I'd just like to
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: be left alone. Oh, that's that's the sixth one. I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: think just mind your own fucking business.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, almost eight billion people on the planet love Jacob.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I've never felt mar there's this one chick that lives here.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: It's kind of a mask.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Not about that one. Sure, do you like everybody else?
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: Yep? Yeah.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: I like the idea of like working on this though.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, with the the app is nice, but honestly, the
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: app just gives you, you know, a reminder. So there's
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: ways to do it without the app. If the app
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: is glitchy, you can do an old school way of
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: figuring out. Yeah, you know. For for me, I like
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: I just kind of make a conscious effort every day
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: to do certain things or like pay compliments, And it's
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: one of those things like to me, I feel like
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: the more I say this, the less it means.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, but that's my interpretation trying to that's like not currency.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's not true for the person receiving it, right,
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: If verbal affirmations is what this person needs, it doesn't
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: lose it doesn't seem to anyway lose its power over time.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: It seems like it's always valuable currency.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's absolutely true. The other thing about
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: that too, So like, first off, I agree with you.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: The app was a useful way to connect a couple
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: of dots, but those dots can easily be connected with
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Google Calendar or whenever you're scheduling, like your Apple person whatever,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like back in the day before the app. That's what
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I did, is like I just bought the book and
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: then just like downloaded a list of all the suggestions
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: that the book had, or like people in the world
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: had made extra lists and like extra long ones for
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: different like you know, categories, and I'd just gone through
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: and found ones that matched my spouse, and I just
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: scheduled them in my calendar, and I set reminders like
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: you know it every week, like try this. Try it.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Just be like a one, like it would be an
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: all day reminder, So just pop up and be like today,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: try to do this. It'd be like send a text
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: message or whatever and be like oh okay, and I
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: just do it and then click the little task complete
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: button and it was done. So like, I mean, you
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: can do that, Anthony without the app. I mean, it's
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: just there to skip a step and make it a
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: little bit easier. It's tough though, because I think sometimes,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: like in Anthony's case, if you're a person who gives
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of affection, a lot of times that person
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: is also the one who's gonna do the love languages
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: because they're like, great, I want to be putting an
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: energy in our relationship, and a lot of times the
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: other person maybe doesn't do that, and you're like, why
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: don't you care? And they're like, I just don't even
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: think to do things in the relationship.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: I think thing that's helpful too, just a little trick
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: is like to try to make your thoughts obvious to
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: the other person like that. Like so like you know,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: if I'm if I'm out like golfing. This actually just
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: happened the other day.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I was back to golf, just everybody. I brought it
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: up only an hour into this.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: God, I was golfing and something reminded me of Laura. Okay,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: so I sent her a text message, Oh there you
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: go right away, like just right away, hey is thinking
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: about this or whatever.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Any male dog just walked across the golf course and
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I thought of you, you.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: As an alligator in the ninth hole. I just twisted
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: my ankle and the pain bade me think of you.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: I just I just saw two rabbits having sex in
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: a bush.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: You what, But like, I just saw two golfers have
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: a bush I was thinking about you.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: Never guess which one was going faster. Yeah, it was
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: the rabbit. But honestly, it's it's like if the other
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: person could see your thoughts, they wouldn't know how much
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: you care. But they can't, right, so you have to
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: be able to translate your thoughts into something that they
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: can experience, whether that be verbally written or your acts
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: of service or whatever.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: It is. One thing I really like about this letter,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Badonka Donk. You got to give that Badonka donk a
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: little slap. But no, like, one thing that I see
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: go wrong in a lot of relationships is people will
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: be critical of the needs of the other person because
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: it'll be like your family was weird, Like you guys
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: were all huggy kissy and you're all codependent and you're
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: all enmeshed or what like these really unkind interpretations of something.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Christmas presents are the one that still gets me. Okay
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: with my wife's family. My wife's family is a Christmas
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: present given motherfucks.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: That they are generous at Christmas.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: It's not even generous, it's just a lot successive.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: It is just like I will go to like that
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: family Christmas and I will leave with like twenty gifts.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Jesus wow.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: And it's not that many people. Yeah, there's definitely two people.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: There are fewer than twenty of us there. Yeah, it's
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: just it's so much and I just did not grow
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: up that way. I think I like my family gives
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: each other like a gift or two.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, we would.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: Usually get like one big gift. Yeah, and then like
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: a couple really yeah.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Our family certainly not as adults.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: No, I'm talking about like currently, I'll go to my
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: in laws, I'll currently leave with like twenty gift.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Among the adults, we do one right, like we usually
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: do a Secret Santa. We've stopped everybody's assigned.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: We've stopped completely.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that show.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: I do too. We were all and that was the
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: great thing is we were all on the same page. Yes,
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: we're all like, hey, I'm gonna give you the gift
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: of not feeling obligated to give me anything. That's all
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: I want for Christmas.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: I think we should all like our family there's now
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: like everybody's having kids. Like for a long time I
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: was the only one with thinning kids. So now everybody's
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: got kids, and I would love to transition to we
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: all get the kids ship. Every kid gets a gift
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: from every aunts and uncle or every couple. That would
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: be great. All the cousins can get each other gifts.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: That's great. And I would love for the adults just
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: be out of this ship because it is the fucking worst.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: We used to do. Our family used to do just a.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like a Secret Santa, but it was like
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: a designated You just get a person.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, you draw that, you draw it, which is sensible.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you'd show up with gifts for the kids
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: and for the one adult you drew.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: See. But what I like about this though.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: What I have yet to get Laura's mom a gift
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: that she appreciates. Oh no, maybe you should get there
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: the gift, the gifts, some of the gifts.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: So one of them was a weighted blanket. Okay, that's
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: it's fine.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think she returned that.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Did you throw it at her? I did? Okay, there's
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: just some dumb bells, but that's again that my family's
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: love language. Yeah, we throw, how we do throw? We
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: grew up and throw things in people's faces.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: So a blanket that she didn't care for I got, Okay,
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: So I got u a couple of years A few
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: years back, I got my mom one of those digital frames.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, yes, and that how it's And she's great. She's
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: constantly seeing updates.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, And so anytime Laura and I go on vacation
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: or something, I'm posting, shut up there. She absolutely loves it.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: So my mom loves it. So I'm like, oh, we
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: get Laura's mom and I've I still have not seen
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: it anywhere in the house.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: How great would it be if he accidentally sinked the
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: wrong photo folder to the mother in law?
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: That would just be great?
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Can you can you share the mother in law's photo folder?
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Actually, what's yours?
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I should if you would have a great idea for us,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: like in the next studio, we should get a digital
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: frame and put the fucking address on the Patreon and
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: just let everybody put a great would be fun. That'd
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: be really cool. It'd be a lot of dick pings
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: and be honest, but we've asked for them before. We'll
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: finally get them.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: We can't have them on Twitch though, oh that would
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: be cool twitch. We can't have dicks on Twitch.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so except for Jim, all right, But no, I
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: do like this idea, Like I appreciate because I've seen
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: this a lot where couples will be very critical of
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: the other style and they'll categorize it a certain way.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: They're like, oh, your family was dysfunctional, or your family
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: was you know, excessive or codependent or whatever. Your family
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: is stoic and unattached, and you guys are cold and distant.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: And I really dislike those interpretations. It's just not fair.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: Well, because that's a judgment.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: It's one thing to be like I'm not used to this, yeah,
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: or my family didn't go this way, or this seems
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: foreign to me, that's perfectly fine. But then to judge
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: it on top of it, I hate that's that's harmful.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: No, And I also it also excuses you from any
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: like obligation to do for your partner because and you're like, no,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: you are too needy, that's the problem. And like it's
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: tough because this is a therapist that comes up, right,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: because they'll be like, Jim, make a judgment call here
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: is this person too needy? Do they need to work
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: on like reining it in a little bit? Or is
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: this other person too cold? And it's like tough to
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: kind of like, as Anthony says, like, how do you
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: kind of meet in the middle on some of these
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: love language needs? Like we have to And Anthony, I
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: think that that's a fair question to ask, because I
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: do think that there's room for us to ask ourselves.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Am I needing too much reassurance in this relationship? And
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: that's exactly what Anthony talked about, is like, you know,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I'm seeking a lot of reassurance. That's how I feel
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: safe in the relationship is you've been making some kind
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: of gesture toward me or signaling to me with affection.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: And it's difficult because I think as relationships do grow
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: in maturity and they do get more comfortable, I think
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: that there is kind of a natural waning of a
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: lot of that affection and that can fill in with insecurity.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times the partner who's
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: sort of rescinding that affection, they get annoyed and they're
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: sort of like, hey, I've already put in my due diligence,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Like I shouldn't have to keep reassuring you that we're okay.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: We have time for that, we have history for that.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: That's what does it go back in the photo album,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: I've stuck around and we're still together, Like we're obviously okay,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: but I don't know, Like it's a it's a very
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: delicate balance, which I think is only best solved with communication.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: But I would also just caution you, Anthony, like when
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: you're the person in that place where you do need
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: that reassurance, I really think you've got to grow as
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: a person too through that process of relationship. That was
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: something that I had to go through a lot of
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: like transformation in was like realizing, Okay, like some of
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: the things that I'm meeting in this relationship, I am
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: not going to get And like that doesn't mean that
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: you're not love, that doesn't mean you're not important, But
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: you've got to like have that personal ability to reassure yourself,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: to come back to your own history to find other
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: things that your partner does that that are meant to
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: be communicating of love. And I think that that matters too,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: because a lot of times the love language theory can
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: like nullify what people naturally do, because it's like, well
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: that's not what I need, and I don't think that's
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: fair either, Like if your partner naturally cooks for you
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: or something or does something sweet like gets you the
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: leftover or does some other nice thing like does a
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: chore or something like that, and just that is how
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: they show life looks your buttle. Occasionally, you know, a
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: special occasion, Well everybody does that, you know, yeah, like
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: it's a Saturday or something, you know, just like a
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: normal and special occasion.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: In Iowa, that's just how.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: They say hello, quick, little quick, little U look ado.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: So yeah, but like I think it's tough because some
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: people will be like, well that doesn't count because that's
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: not how I receive love. I don't love that either. Man, Like,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I think you've got to also have this sense of
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: like I know your intentions. I remember once like I
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: heard a therapist describe it as like if a little
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: kid draws you a picture and you look at that
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: and go. But I don't give a fuck about art,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: and I don't care about this, and I don't I
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: don't like to die. I already have a picture, yeah,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I already have pictures. I have selfies that are way
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: fucking better than this. Thanks a lot. You're a douche
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: because you don't appreciate that that little kid put their
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: heart into that little potato figure of you, and that
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: was meant to be this thing of Like I was
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: thinking about you, you're the best like I like you.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I hope you receive it in the intention it was
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: offered right and like to me, Anthony, that's also meeting
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: in the middle, per your question, Like, I think that's
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: part of it too, is understanding the other person's intentions
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: on things that don't resonate with you and learning to
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: lean in that direction too so that can still count
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: for something, and reminding yourself to make it count. Yeah,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: lick that butt hole, Anthony. Anyway, we are gonna take
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: a quick break and when we come back, we're talking
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: about losing life's passion. You're listeners Pod Therapy.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitdi Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: Test Miller, Pilot, Team Paris, Team Monaco, Oscar Swanrose, Anna, Marie,
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: Emma Kine, Myra, and Sam Cone. Would you like to
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: sponsor the show? Become a therap producer? Paton do.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: All right, you just reminded me of something happened to
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: be at a gig a long long time ago. I just, uh, okay,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: you've reminded me two things that happened against Yes, but
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: one of them was when saw a children's theater production
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: of a of some show.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: And it was a company, a children's theater company that
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: I just started working for.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: And I said, after the show was to the woman
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: who was directing it, who was a new coworker of mine,
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: said yeah, I made four kids show.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: It was really good.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: I thought it was, and I was being just genuine enough,
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: and I was really happy with it and was in
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: a good mood. I was like, man, for a kid
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: show that was so good, and she like got a
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: little dour and was like, don't don't do the four
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: kids show thing.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: Just say it's either good or bad. Oh.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Well, in that case it was ship Broadway. This was
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: no cats. I saw likew York a week and a
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: half ago.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: This was much worse.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Don't have the caveat for a kids show. Just so
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: it was a great complimenting it and saying that I
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: had enjoyed my time. That is so salty. Yeah, that
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: is just dumb. Get the stick out of it. It
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: was shitty, then that's dumb. Wow, just say it was
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: a good show. Okay, it wasn't that it was bad.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: You're welcome trivia.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Several of the children didn't look suited to the parts
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: they were playing it all. That kid that played the
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: tree sucked a bag of old deuteronomy.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: I'm not even sure if he use a cat. I'll
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: be honest. I don't think that beard was real. Alright.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: I saw that kid before the show.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: He was four. Uh, trivia from Emma before they were famous.
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, this is gonna have to be multiple choice. Yeah, alright, Jacob, all.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: Right, showdown action Jacob will one v one.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: Who once worked as a telemarketer selling ballpoint pens. Okay,
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: A Brad Pitt's b Jennifer Aniston, C Johnny Depp or
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: D George Clooney. Geez, I know I've heard this before.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: Oh Clooney, I like that answer a lot.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: No.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's where my heart was. Do I get rebounds
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: on this?
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: Sure?
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: All right, it's gonna be process of elimination until Nick
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: just fucking gets five points. Give me Johnny Depp.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: It is Johnny Depp right, give you half a point from.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: I'll take that.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: I'll take that half a point, all right, Jim, which
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: actress was once a human statue in New York's Central Park.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, Lucy Lou, Angelina, Jolie Whoopy Goldberg or
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: Kristin Wig Kristin Wig.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: No shit, oh, Angela jo Lee will be Goldberg?
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: And who Lucy Lou Bro It.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Cannot be Angelina and Jolie. She she was famous as
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: a kid. There's no way she would even bother with
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: that ship. I'll say, whoopee. I feel good about whoopee.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: No, okay, Lucy Lou, I believe that's my point.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Shit, wow, both This guy's an Assholey who luy?
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: All right, Jacob, This Marvel star used to be a
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: children's party entertainer dressed as a giant chicken.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Paul Rudd or Hugh Jackman.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, huge, I feel good about it. Huge as
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: hey because he was like a pe teacher eight points.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Oh he was, yeah.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: There's a whole bit where he's on the red carpet
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: and like one of his old students became a member
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: of the press, and he interviews him, and he recognizes him,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: and he's like, not answering the guy's questions, and stead
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: he's asking the guy questions. He's like, so, if you
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: kept up with your physical education, not really, man, if
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: you give a reporter, he's like, oh, so you.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: Do some push up? Okay, climb this rope? Jim before
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: landing major roles, who cleaned chicken coops and sold newspapers
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: door to door?
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Jim Carrey or Robert de Niro?
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, yeah, de Niro is another one. He's been
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: doing this a long time. Jim Carrey's been doing this
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: a long time.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: What what what do you do? Clean chicken coops?
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: What chicken coops?
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: Sold newspapers door to door? Okay?
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: What was the first one?
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: Tom Cruise?
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: No, it's not Tim Cruse. Here's the third one, Jim Carrey,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: second one, Harrison Ford, Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford feels like
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: a guy who kind of stumbled into his fame. I
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: don't think so, No, shit, I think it's both wrong.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Jim Carrey, Harrison Carpenter, Yeah.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: That's what it was. Yes, all right, I think I'm
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: winning by five points there, all right, losing life's passion.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Hello pod therapists. Hopefully all of you like how everybody's
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: referencing Whitney. Fuck you writer, you can't count on Whitney. Sorry,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: he's a flake. I'm a relatively new listener, and I
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: remember hearing episode one and mumbling to myself, thank God,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: I'll never need to ask them a question. And yet
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: here I am. Wow, all right, I'm in therapy. I
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: talked to my friends wild I know, and I've built
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: a good toolkit for my mental health. But there's one
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: topic I'd love to hear your thoughts on. I grew
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: up with more vintage cars than siblings, and they definitely
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: received more love too. These cars have become the most
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: important thing in my life, but they require a lot
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: of work and knowledge to maintain, so from early on
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I showed interest in learning how my father restored them.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: Despite that, and unless Eastern Christmas fell on the same day,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: he was never keen to teach me. So I thought, fine,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: I'll prove to him that I'm serious. I studied mechanical engineering.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I even worked for a while with in the modern
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: engine industry, but it wasn't my thing. During a project
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: in Australia. I fell in love with a man and
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: the adventures we had in his vintage cars. Long story short,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: he turned out to be a narcissist like my dad.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: He also didn't let me in the workshop or behind
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: the wheel. It took me far too long, but I
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: finally left him to fulfill my life dream by myself.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I moved to the UK to finally learn how to
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: restore cars properly in a real workshop. I found a garage,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: sorted my visa and made it happen. But over the
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: past year they slowly pushed me out of the workshop
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: and into the role of the tea lady and desk
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: dust catcher. I bought my own car and through trial
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: and error, began restoring those myself. I've learned a lot,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: but I'm exhausted. I poured all my savings into trying
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: to make this life possible, and the situation at work
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: frustrates every cell in my body. And as the cherry
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: on top or was it the filling, I'm leaving the
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: vintage car world because I've been bullied out of it,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: mostly out of jealousy. I assume I worked hard to
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: earn my place, but I was constantly met with resistance, condescension,
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: and subtle and not so subtle ways of being told
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't belong. I tried to stay strong, but it's
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: worn me down more than I care to admit. After
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: much back and forth, I've accepted a spot on a
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: psychology conversion master's program. I'll leave my job in a month.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: A few years ago, while studying for a semester in Israel,
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: a professor read my final paper and made it his
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: mission to convince me that my place was in psychology.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: I'm fascinated by human decision making and everything that comes
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: with it, but I never thought I could make a difference,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: especially because my father always told me psychology was wizard
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: poop and not a real profession. All wizard poop. Fucking
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: episode title, that's fantastic. I'm trying, Bethole. Okay, yeah, skip
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: the slurping sounds. I got that. Shall not o, man,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I really thought you were gonna go with you shall
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: lick my ass or something? Right there? It was right there,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: So here I am. And yet notes for a child?
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, really good. It was a pretty good joke for
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: a child.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: And Yet, the closer I get to leaving the vintage
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: car world, the more I feel like I'm breaking despite
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: the struggles and always depending on the support of others.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: I had some amazing adventures last year. I'll miss the cars,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: not for their material value, but for the life I
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: lived with them. And now I'm swapping all that for
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: what feels like a boring psych student life that so
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: many people choose. Every One keeps telling me I can
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: always come back to vintage cars later, but I fought
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: for so long to finally own one. I have to
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: sell them now for many reasons, and to be allowed
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: to work on them. Now that I'm so close, I
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: have to let it all go again. So I guess
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: here are my questions? Or how can something feel so
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: deeply like my life's purpose and yet leave me so exhausted?
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: And if it is my life's purpose, why am I
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: running constantly in situations that want to or why am
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I constantly running into situations that want to prove the opposite?
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: And how do I cope with this overwhelming feeling of
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: becoming an insignificant person? Sorry for the ramble. My grammar
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: school teacher told me twenty years ago that summaries aren't
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: my strength, But to be fair, she also said, I'd
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: never managed to form a full sentence in English. She
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: was closer to write on that last one. Thank you
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: so much. The anonymous insignificant. My pronouns are she and her.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: So this actually kind of, first of all, writer sucks
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: because it does feel to me that, at least to
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: some degree, some of this is just being a female
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: working in a male dominated and that really sucks. Have
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: you guys seen on Netflix there's a they do, the
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Untold series where they're breaking down like a sports story
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: or something. They've got one on Hope Solo. Okay, okay, okay,
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: soccer player. Yes, she was huge, like as far as like.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Women's women, like Andrea the Giant. Yeah yeah, I.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: Meanolar disorder back and like late ninety well it would
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: be early two thousands.
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: She was the big name.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: She was all over like when you thought of women's soccer,
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Hope Solo, that was the name.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: She would paint like, she would paint her face and
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: she would run down to the ring and shake the
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: ropes yet people, yeah, the whole thing.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: But anyway, and then all of a sudden she just
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: disappeared like she didn't exist. She fell into a hole.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my god like Whitney.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: So this story is fucking fascinating if you get the
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: chance to watch that on Netflix. This little documentary, now,
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: granted it's probably one sided because it really kind of
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: focuses on her side of the story versus us women's soccer,
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: but the whole thing of how she's just pretty much
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: like persona on grata, like completely excommunicated from women's soccer,
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: and how that all happened, and some of the things
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: were like comments that she made. She is very outspoken.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: You ask her question, she'll say what she thinks and
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: so and But anyway, the thing that I left with
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: at the end of that was like, had that been
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: a male athlete that said the exact same thing, it
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: wouldn't have even made the news. But because it was
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: her and it was just a completely different world, it
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: became a huge deal.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: And it just sucks.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and this kind of this letter kind of reminded me.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's one of the most tired things
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: that you'll bump into in any industry, Like you'll meet
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: a female police officer, and like pointing out that this
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: is a female police officer just seems dumb and like,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: but it's like the number one thing I'll see people
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: do is like this person's the writer's a mechanicals.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: That's why I always just say hatty police officer.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like that much more respect. Yeah, Yeah, they really
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: appreciate when you just say that badge with badge but no,
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: like a episode title. No. But like I this comes
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: up a lot like and it just sucks because you're
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: working in vintage cars. You're kind of signaled over and
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: over again that you don't belong you're a mechanical engineer,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: and they're sort of like this energy of like, oh
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: that's cute, you know, like you don't you're not one
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: of us, you Like the writer keeps talking about earning
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: the the opportunity to work on vintage cars. Is this
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: Is there something I'm not understanding about this that like.
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: You have to you're not doing you're not doing the
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: math all the way through.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, so if I have a vintage car, If I
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: own a vintage car, there aren't that many of them.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: Oh so if I own a vintage car, I get
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: to be picky with who I'm going to allow to
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: work on my vintage car. I see, So if you
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: don't own one, like if you own if you own
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: one and you want to work on it, I see,
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: knock yourself out.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: So she's not getting opportunities maybe because of stigma, not
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: getting taken into body shops because it's like, well maybe
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: we don't, you know, think that we can showcase her work.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: Maybe.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: Wow. Interesting.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: It's also I mean vintage cars, it's also a weird
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: one because it's almost a hobby made into a profession. Okay,
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: because like the people you're dealing with are almost all
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: going to be basically I mean it's a different form
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: of being a hobbyist, right yeah, like like collecting a
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: vintage car. So I mean that does that puts you
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: in a weird mindset because then it also you're you're
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: getting into that, like people are doing this for more
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: reasons than just having a vintage car, right, you know
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: they might have it like a father might buy one
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: to work on with their son.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: You know, it could be it could be things like that.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's probably a lot of sticky little things
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: to wade through in that industry.
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: That it's interesting how the writer talks about kind of
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: that self awareness of this was something my dad loved
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: more than me, Right, So I wanted to be good
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: at this and I like it kind of like the
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: writer seems pretty aware and like there was kind of
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: a quest for Dad's approval throughout the years that turned
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: out to be kind of a narcissist. I haven't bumped
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: into other relationships that were like again familiar to me
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: because like this was similar to my father, and it
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: took me a little bit to like connect these dots.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: And it seems like the writer's been like on many
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: ways a lifelong sort of journey of revelation through the
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: lens of the vintage car stuff and like this pursuit realizing,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: like a lot of this just has to do with me.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Excepting that Dad may never approve or whatever, I may
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: not win that affection that I've kind of like been
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: yearning for my whole life, and that's fine. Like maybe
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to go like blaze my own trail. It's
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: interesting this idea of like knowing your life's purpose and
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: like hitting these headwinds, hitting these obstacles, and if it
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: is my life's purpose, do I get exhausted? That's an
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: interesting concept of like life's purpose.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: It's so hard because I'm betting this is a lot
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: like the entertainment world, you know, people trying to break
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: into that to work inside it, because I mean, it's
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: just going to be such a niche community in so
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: many ways. For your life's purpose to be tied directly
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: to your income always makes me feel a little weird
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: because life's purpose seems bigger to me than your than
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: your gig. Yeah, Like, if you love working on old cars,
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: then you get a gig whatever whatever job you have,
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: and then your hobby is working on older cars because
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: that's what you want to be doing, that's what you
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: want to spend time doing it. If you can make
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: a living doing it as well, maybe bonus. But at
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: the same time, like this, this situation shows us like
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: maybe not bonus. Maybe it it kind of sours you
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: on the whole thing.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing that.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: Makes me kind of itchyre kind of weird. It's just
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: the idea of the life's purpose general.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hear a lot of people talking about met
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: to do this.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah I've found my special purpose. Yeah, I've never felt
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: that way because to me, that feels very, uh like
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: fate driven.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: I think you're I think you're just such a wonderful person,
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: and I think you're so good, you know, achieving your
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: life's purpose and you and you're so attractive while you're
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: doing it and such so handsome and rugged looking.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: Like you make a good point and really.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Just you know so kind may really really really ridiculously. Yeah,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: you're doing great. By the way. I like this, uh
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: physical touch actually is my give me a handy twitchraw
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: just the foot went right across across, just started rubbing
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: his thighs, your toes on my cheeks, just feel which cheeks?
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: In there.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I hear you.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Though, there's there's a particular world I think.
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because like to say I have like life's purpose,
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: it puts so much pressure on you, like number one,
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: like you've got to be good at this thing, right right,
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: and you damn well better enjoy it, right, I mean,
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: it just seems like a lot of pressure to put
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: on yourself. He does.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: We'll do that, like say the ship Like, oh, you know,
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: if you love what you do, you never go to
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: work the day in your life. And then when you
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: get through with work on something that you think you
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: love and it felt it felt like a day at work.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, wait, do I really love this thing?
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: And you start questioning and yeah, I mean, don't tying
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: it to your income get sticky really fast in the
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: INDIEA what what Nick said too?
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: I also like this, So like this is problematic as
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: a way of thinking, because I do think it puts
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: you in an identity box that then you're scared to
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: leave because like who am I if I'm not this thing? Yeah,
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: and I think it's fascinating. Like for me, I went
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: through several like career evolutions, like originally went to school
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: to be a church pastor, Like that's what I thought
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: I was called to do. I felt, did you go
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: to school for that? Liberty University? Uh? Sponsored? I've heard
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: of that somewhere where Have I heard that name before?
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Usually in four Chan and in a lot of hate media, Yeah,
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of Liberty Drive, Yeah, very strong populations. So yeah,
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: we show up in a lot of rallies. But yeah, no,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Like I mean my first that was gonna be my career,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: and so like my identity was wrapped up in that.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: And then I became a school teacher for eight years,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: which I didn't intend to be a profession. I was
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: trying to pursue that the church stuff, and I kept
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: hitting all these obstacles. I just could not get a
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: position in a church. Either I was too young to
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: be like, you know, an adults pastor, or I was
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: a little bit too old, and like they wanted to
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: just kind of raise up their own like you know,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: people from their own high school groups into college, and
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to bring this guy from outside, even
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: though he went to school for it. Just like I
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: could not find an opening. And I remember like really
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: struggling with not the Catholic church. Yeah, the Catholic Church
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: was not let me in.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: So the Catholic Church, I hear, is good at finding
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: opening all day.
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: But yeah, let me get.
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: Behind those drugs.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, we're not using this thing.
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: It's right there, like thing really fast.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: But I remember like going through that identity shift of
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: being like, oh no, this is my life's purpose, and
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: you know, obviously it was very tied into religion at
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: the time, and then like switching around Oh sorry, that's right, flipper,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: So yeah, like and and then like switching roles become
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: a teacher, and then switching roles again and going into
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: mental health. And mental health can be one of those
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: things that can like very much define you right, Like,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, we started a podcast around it, We do
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of charitable work around it. There's a lot
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: of public education around it. I think that the public
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: welcomes it a lot, and so like you would just
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: become associated with it so much like that's who Jim is.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: Jim's a therapist whatever, But like it's a dangerous game
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: because like I've been in the career now long enough
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: that if if I hit the lottery, i'd probably like
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: I'd probably be like, I'll still do pod therapy or
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: something because I derive joy from this. But no, my
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: identity doesn't have to be this anymore. Like if you
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: and LV called me and said, hey, man, we're just
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: gonna make you a professor and you're gonna stick to
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: teaching this stuff, you know, forever, and like you're not
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: gonna perform it anymore. I could see myself saying, Okay, great,
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a professional teacher again. Like I could
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: leave this identity. So like, I do think that there's
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a an interesting intermingling of putting
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: too much of your identity into a profession. I get
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: why it happens. I've struggled with it, but then it's
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: like Jacob said, like I'll have a bad day at
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: the office and or like I suck and like I'm
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: just I'm not doing very well as a therapist right
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: now or something, and then I'll think like I am worthless,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: and it's like, no, it could also just be this
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: industry is really tough and like there's a lot of
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: like land minds in it, like the writer, It's like, hey,
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: it could just be vintage cars is a very unique industry.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: And Yep, the deck is stacked against you in a
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: lot of ways, and that shouldn't be, you know, your identity.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: It also depends too, like how you enjoy it as
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: a career that you know, pays the bills, right, versus
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: how you enjoy it as a hobby right right, you know,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: and those are two very different things. Yeah, and yeah,
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: I mean maybe maybe this is a good thing.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: I would I would take the opportunity while you have
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: it to step back from it.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, like us, step back from it and and
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: kind of.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: Look at it and look at the place that it
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: holds in your life and maybe decide if you like
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: that place. I like that maybe trying to kind of
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: think about it a little bit and kind of reflect
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: on the little bit. Maybe, dare I say, meditate on
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: it a little bit?
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Whoa getting all new age WU in this ship?
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yea, throw the wo.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: Be mindful about it, be thoughtful about it, Yeah, and
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: be unafraid to examine it and and examine how much
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: happiness it is bringing to your life or how much
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: sadness is bringing to your.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: That's a good point because I think a lot of
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: times we align with shit and we're like, no, this
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: is who am, this is what I do, and it's
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: making me miserable.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: Don't do the sunken cost fallacy thing on this. You don't,
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh, I've spent you know, however many
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: years doing this, right. I don't want to turn my
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: life around now. No, no, yeah, we only have so
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: much time to do all this shit.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Well, so do what you want to do.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: That's directly connected to the second question, how do I
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: accept insignificance? Overwhelming feeling of becoming an insignificant person? That's
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: a big thing, but the kind of goes hand in
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: hand with what you're saying of like, it's okay if
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: that didn't work out, Yeah, especially like in industry's like
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: entertainment and talent. There's so many people chasing the star, right,
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: and at some point, I'm sure many of them have
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: to hit a point of like, Okay, I'm not gonna
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: make it quote unquote. And I know people who have
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: done that.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: After they have made it, Okay, they have made it,
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: done huge jobs, huge gigs, they that people have heard of,
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: and then go like cool, that was fun.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and how do I accept that that will not
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: last forever?
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do something else now.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: Wow, and they can just do something entirely different. Yeah,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: that's pretty cool.
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: I would give some thought too to what it means
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: to be an insignificant person.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because you know, they're like significant than other people
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: measure that or also like, I mean, there's eight billion
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: people on the planet.
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: I am insignificant to almost eight billion of them. Yeah,
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: eight billion of yeah. Yeah, if I'm round all of them, yeah,
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: first all of them. Yeah, But that doesn't mean that
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: my life isn't important. I'm very significant to me. The
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: dogs that I mean, I am, my priority of putting
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: the food out themselves, that's right. And you know, I
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: mean so the people that I do have significance with,
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: I think that's very important. I don't know just the
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: whole you know, who we define as significant or what
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: we define as significant. I think it needs context.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: I mean we're spending time on it, right, Yeah, yeah,
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: it's been significant, this segment at the very least.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: This is a I think it's a really good existential
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: question that I've I've often struggled with because I've listened
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: to some really good talkers that have shared, like some
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: of those important humans who have ever existed, right, like
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: people that shaped empires, right, like Julius Caesar Epstein, the greats. Yeah,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: you know your Einstein's here we are ye talking about.
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: Sorry about that, but you.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Know, like it, no matter who you were, how significant
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: you were, even if you owned the world, you're the
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Genghis Khan of your time. Nobody gives a fuck today
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: like it, and it does not take very long before
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: you achieve insignificance.
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was pretty significant to a
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: lot of people.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we're talking about it forever. So when
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: Hulk Hogan died and they were, you know, they announced that,
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I remembered that in high school
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: I had gone to the ninety nine cent store with
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: my buddy, and there had been a Hulk Hogan c D.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: It is Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling boot Band, and
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: I think it was just self title thing. It was
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: just called Hogan Hogo maniacent like that, and I remember
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: we bought it as a joke and started listening to
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: it and kind of unironically got into it and like
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: really started like this is great, like blasted shit all
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: the time. And one track is called when the Hulkster
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: Comes to Heaven, and it's like, when the Hulkster comes
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: to Heaven, we'll tag up again when we lose another
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Hulk Maniac, you know, like Hulk weeps and like one
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: day he'll find Heaven. Yes, it's fucking awesome. Okay, is
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: so fucking good and in a terrible kind of way,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: like just not good. So like when he died, I
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: messaged my buddy, who I haven't talked to like in
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: probably fifteen years, and I'm like, dude, you do you
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: remember the CD? And he sends back a photo of
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: him holding the CD. Is that The Hulkster goes, oh, yeah,
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: oh it's just wasn't that horn so good?
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: Can we get away with this?
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: Are we gonna get flagged. No, we're talking about it.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's gonna get flagged on YouTube, but whatever that might.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: I can take a few strikes on YouTube. But yeah,
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: it was anyway, Hulk Hogan, Uh, greatest entertainer of our time.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: Just good guy, very significant.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but he sent me back a phot of him
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: holding the CD. He still had it. No, that's really cool.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: That's a collector's item right now. Anyway, right, go buy
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: a Hull Cogan CD. I think is where I'm going
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: with this. But no, like insignificance, like Hull Cogan just died.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, he was so important for so many years,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: and like in five noy'll ever talk about him again.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: It'll just be a meme and that'll be the end
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: of it. There is no such thing as like significance
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: in a sense, like it is inherently a lie that
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: we tell ourselves so we can feel like we matter.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: So I really like that both of you are kind
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: of like challenging that narrative to say, hey, like redefine
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: what significance is, or like to who, or like what
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: else in your life you could be living for, Because
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: if your whole point is to feel like you matter
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: to an industry that doesn't fucking care about you or
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: respect you. You're chasing the wind, you know, like you'll
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: never be satisfied. It'll never matter. It's like being famous
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: enough to like matter some bullshit like that. It's like
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's all inherently pointless. So like I kind
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: of like what you said, Jacob, of like finding something
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: that means something to you in the now that you derive,
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: you know, some kind of joy from that meets your
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: needs and is stable, and that it's about life and work,
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: life and just friendships and all that. Like, find other
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: values I think, to pursue versus just significance. How do
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: you deal with being an insignificant person?
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: Nick, who I'm not talking to me? That's right, I'm
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: very significant.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: You won golf trophies, my man.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I I have the power to uh remove certain certifications.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: Are we doing this again? Fuck around and find out
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: never mind, I'd like to retract. I'm not, like I said,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: I'm not a very significant person to a lot of people.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: But to the people I am significant to, I'm very significant.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, that's that's a that's a key point. Yeah,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: So then who matters in your life? And writer, I mean,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: like not to psychoanalyze you too much here, but my
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: last thought on this, you seem to have a lot
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: of good insight into chasing your father's approval throughout life
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: and then also chasing other men, uh and and their
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: approval of you, and in the same kind of way,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: like still trying to catch that that thing that always
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: eluded you. And I would just ask you to continue
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: to reflect on that, like how much of that concept
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: is really woven into your you know, And again that's
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: not to minimize your own affection for vintage cars and
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: like this being independently your hobby, something you discovered through
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: your dad, but not something necessarily always to be redirected
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: to your dad. I realize it could just be independent
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: of him. But like questions like would I still be
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: significant if I abandoned that career and found something else
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: that kind of smacks of this idea of approval And
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: just I think that that's interesting, and I would just
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: encourage you to continue to meditate on that and ask
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: that question of like do I weave my sense of
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: value and relevance through this one particular venue and is
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: there really just a vacancy of my father's approval, and like,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: is that what I'm really chasing?
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: Deep?
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: Hashtag deep. We're gonna take a quick break and when
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: we come back, we're talking about how to have a
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: backbone as a therapist. You're listening to pod therapy.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Spinny Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: Tess Miller, Builer, t Paris, te Monico, Oscar Swanrose, Hannah, Marie,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: Emma Cain, Myra, and Sam Cohen. Would you like to
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: sponsor the show? Become a therapist patreon.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: Dot com, slash therapy.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: I'm a head by ten Kay Jacob which Friends star
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: dammit once worked as a bicycle messenger in New York City.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I would give him a plaavid name all.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: Of Shwimmer, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry or Courtney Cox gonna
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: be one.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: Of the dudes.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: Matthew Perry.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: No, you can't rebound, give me, give me le Blanc rebounded.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: It is matt rebound?
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: What damn it?
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: Who was discovered working while at a fast food restaurant
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: called Tommy's.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: This is also Friends related.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 3: No, uh yeah, I guess you need options, don't you?
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: Any celebrities Okay, yeah, there's only like five of them, right.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: Uh Charlie's stern was that one? Uh, Jennifer Lopez, even
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: Mendez or Megan.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: Fox's throw Uh oh, it's Gym's turn, it's my I'm
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: not falling for your fuckery.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tell you right now. Too obvious, my man, Okay,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: not subtle, good, don't fall for I'll bet you it's
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: Eva Mendez Mendoz that one. She is so gorgeous that
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like if she just walked in, sister and
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: she was like serving you, you'd be like you just
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: should be before.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, his first role was on TV Better Young.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: Brothers. That's right, those guys.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: It was not even.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: Oh fuck, oh my god, I really thought you were
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: working with me. God damn it. Uh Okay, Jake absolutely
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: just picked what with it and it just turned out
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: to be right. I was hoping that's what turned out
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: all right. At least that wasn't wrong. At least my
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: instincts were correct.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: Uh, do what I say. That's what your instinct should be.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: I probably should just follow your advice.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: Jacob which a list actor used to clean lion cages
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 3: at a zoo.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: Huh, I'm just gonna be really critical of these names
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: and whether they are a listers.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 3: Liam Neeson.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to see the new Naked Gun so bad.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it looks it's great, It looks great. I did
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: see a Fantastic Four today. Oh, I think I'm done
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: with comic book movies.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: I think you should be. But I've been dealt with those. Yeah,
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: although I did see the last movie last night. Oh,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: I don't consider that comic book. This is a good
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: popcorn flake, Like it's it's silly and great. You know
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: exactly what's gonna happen. Yeah. Yeah, you've hung in there
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: with this stuff longer than.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: I can't do it anymore. It was time.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it was definitely time. Anyway, Pedro Pascal is
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: He was good. Like they all did a great job.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 3: Everybody in that movie did a great chop.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: The plot is just too package at this point. You
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: just don't care.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and like the way that they get their powers.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 3: Here's the other thing to like, it doesn't work in
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 3: the world that we live in.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: Most of them don't because like I'm not going to
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: give it a radiation the Hulk.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but like like they live in a world where
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 3: they can just address the world and the world is like, yeah,
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 3: you're right, we're on your side. Oh yeah, it's no, Yeah,
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: that would never happen matter what you do. Fifty of
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 3: the world has a conspiracy theory that you're trying to
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 3: kill them.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: Twenty four hour News Network with you right now, like
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: it just doesn't fit anymore. Thanks for explaining it. We're
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: on your side now.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: Uh, Lion cages at the zoo, Jacob all right, Liam Neeson,
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: Invester Stallone, Hey lister, Harrison Ford.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: Hey lister. I would argue, no, I'm fine with Stallone,
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: Clint Eastood, I wouldn't put on the list anymore. His
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: time's done. Hall of Fame.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: Fine.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: I feel like a lister is a very current events state.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: You think you stay active to be and I think
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: I think once you're once you're an A lister, you're
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: an A list. I don't think you once you're dead,
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: you're still an a list. There are people that were
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: a listening dead A listers or whatever, like people that
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: were being like trotted out as like like Joey Lawrence
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: was an A lister one, No, he wasn't.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: Come on, there was a time man, Toby fucking maguire.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Though there was a time people
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: were like that was it. There were a heart throb,
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: that's a get You get that one on the Late
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: Show like they're pumped about it, like, come on, Vince
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: Vaughan was an a lister. I don't consider him a list.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna say, let's see, I'm either gonna go Eastwood
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: or lying Harrison Ford.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: Don't fall for him. Twice bro here, he got me
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: what I thought. He was the guy who did the
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: chicken eggs thing or something, and he turned out to
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: not be the right choice.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: Now, I know Harrison Ford worked as a carpenter, but
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: it would surprise me if he mucked out some stalls
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: or something at some point. Who were the other two?
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: And it's that's right, Yeah, I don't think it was
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: the lone. I don't know about Liam Neeson.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: Boy that there's room for that. I could see that
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: one being true. I feel good about that. No, buddy,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: I would like Clint Eastwood, please, yay, all right?
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: Just always fucking listen to Jake last one before stardom,
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 3: who was a breakdancer on the streets of Paris.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, go ahead, say it more.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: Uh then Diesel? No, Jean Claud van Dam very likely
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: Iris Alba or Tom Hidleston.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: Oh Jesus, oh fuck, give me Jean Claude von Dam.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: Which is the one I would have picked.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: You got to be the red herring.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, ship from Brussels. Yeah, he's from Brussels, so that's well.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: I figure he can get to that place. All right,
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: Where are you going with Jacob? Who is off the rim? Irish?
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: As soon as you said Vin Diesel, I thought it
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: was Vin Diesel, so let's go there. Wow.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: What that seems like a douchebag gig that Vin Diesel
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: would have had. How dare you?
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: Vin Diesel is somebody who would absolutely answer to the
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: question hey can you break dance with an affirmative?
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: Ah?
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right, yeah, but there's not a single
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: chance that my answer that question is ever going to
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: be a guest. Okay, No matter how much I think
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: I can break dance, I'm never going to say yes to.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: You will never identify as someone who can break down?
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 3: Got it?
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah?
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: Fair that. I like how you logiced your way through that. Yeah,
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: because I think Idris Elbow would have been my next go.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: I also just heard a long form interview with andrews
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: Elba on Amy Poehler's podcast recently, and he didn't talk
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: anything about street performing.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, that was probably would have come up.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: I feel like it would have come up.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I tried to bring that up.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: I think Ben Diesel would have been the last one
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: I would have picked out.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: Of that list. You would have gone Van Dam Who
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: would have been your second choice?
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 3: Tom? Who is that? Spider Man?
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: Huddles, Huddles, the spider young one, that one? No, he's Loki.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: Tom who is spider Man?
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: Uh?
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: Spider Man? He's an attorney. Attorney Tom Sendaia Uh.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: Tom Holland. That's Tom Holland. I the fries. All right,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: I like it. I'm winning how to have a backbone
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: as a therapist? Hi, all, Duffy the as soon as
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: I get my number, I'll be a therapist.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: Bear.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: That's sweet. It's neat how Duffy's name has changed over
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: the years. Congratulations Duffy. That's wonderful. And I have a
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: serious question I work with kids as a therapist. Seven
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: has always the answered. I've been told that my strength, Okay,
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: I've been told my strength is how many kids.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: Can I hit.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: To get out of media? We've already hit the button.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: The police, they are on their.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 3: Way to remove you.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: I work with kids as a therapist. I've been told
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: that my strength is also my weakness. My strength that
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: I strength I hit them too hard, also my weakness
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: I love too hard. My strength that I want people
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: to feel safe and connected, and that I want to
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: give them grace. How is this a weakness? I'm so
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: glad you asked. I struggle with pushing people past their
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: comfort zone. I hate confrontation. I never want to be
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: that bitch. I come from a long line of what
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: I perceive to be that bitch women, and I've seen
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: how awful they can be. I vowed to not be
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: like that. But being that hard nose gets Being like that,
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: it gets results. When I call parents and kids out,
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: they seem to snap into attention, they stop fucking around
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: and do what they need. So how do I balance that?
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: How do I give people that safe place but also
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: not take their crap?
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: Also, I am still at that place of employment. From
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: my very first letter over four years ago. The paperwork
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: has gotten easier, and I was finally diagnosed with ADHD
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: and started medication which helped me so much thanks of
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: the podcast Duffy.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: I do kind of remember that letter.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah about the paperwork. That is a really good question.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of my answer with this would
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 3: depend on the context in which you're working, right, Like
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: when you're talking about working with kids, Yeah, okay, so
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: kind of being hard nosed and being more directive. Yeah,
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: Like that to me sounds like a lot of the
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 3: work that I've done in substanitute treatment, you know, working
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 3: in rehabs or working with kids, working with foster kids
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 3: or kids in treatment or whatever. Because yes, that sometimes
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 3: is a difficult line to walk, because you want to
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 3: be safe, you want to be kind, you want to
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: be empathetic, and then you also have to enforce very
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 3: specific boundaries and sometimes you just have to tell people
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: that what they need to do, you know, like especially
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: working with kids, you know, you can't just be like, well,
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: I know, you know you feel this way and blah
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: blah blah, but but you need to put the knife down,
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: you know, like like no, you need to do like
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 3: you got to stop. And so I think for me,
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 3: what has been helpful And so that's one situation or
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 3: one context. The other context is motivating. Yes, And how
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 3: do you you know, outside of holding them accountable, how
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: are you able to be kind of hard nosed and
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: motivate them to be I think those are two different questions.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 3: To go back to the first one. What worked for
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 3: me is to try to remove emotion from the equation
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: and just focus on facts. Okay, yeah, I understand this
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 3: is what you're going through. I understand how this is
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: your how you're feeling. However, if you do this behavior,
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: this is going to be a consequence, right, I will
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 3: beat the shit out of Yeah, that's hard. I will
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 3: double backflip split kick you in the base.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: Sean Claude Van damn it.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 3: If you don't stop yelling, I will let you pick
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 3: which arm I beat the fuck out of you with.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: Uh No, So I think you kind of have to.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 3: But but just be and again, like, you can't be
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 3: emotional when doing that, Like, because once you get emotion involved,
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 3: and now we're in a pissing match.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it also disqualifies your advice because then it
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: seems like you're more attached to this advice than you
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: are presenting me with my truth in an obvious way.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: That feels right, Yeah, And presenting options correct and being
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 3: in a presenting options from the context of like, my
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 3: feelings are not affected one way or another, but you
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 3: should know, yes, that doing this behavior elicits this response. Right,
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 3: doing this behavior will elstit this response, So go ahead
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 3: and choose whatever.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: Fine with that. I'm fine with being what you might
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: call directive only whenever it's rooted in an understanding of
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: the patient. What drives me crazy is whenever some therapist
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: is some asshole hot shot that just thinks that they're like,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: quote unquote is stuff he's at that bitch. There's a
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: lot of really ignorant therapists that fame being great at
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: this by like constantly calling people out and like doctor
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: filling everybody and like that's a fucking.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 3: That bullshit.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: And then it's just like, oh, that's a great therapist
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 1: because they're no nonsense, they don't put up with it,
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: they call you out, and it's like there's no shortage
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: of people in the world that will fucking boss you
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: around and tell you what to do, and yet that
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem to cause a lot of change a lot
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: of people's lives. Therapists start from a posture of deep
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: and I feel like if you start from that position
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: of like, I've taken the time to really get to
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: know you, I know the world that you live in,
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: I've really come to understand where you stand. And then
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: whenever you present to me like, yeah, this thing is happening,
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: and now I challenge you from a position of deep
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: understanding in your life, where I'm just saying, you know, Nick,
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: the last two times this happened, it seems like this
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: keeps being the outcome. Like, whenever you date this kind
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: of person, this kind of you, you end up being
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: really upset later on. Doesn't seem to work out. Can
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: I challenge you today? I'm concerned that if you do
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: this again, you're gonna get that same response.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: That is basically the same speech that John Rocker gave
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: on that subway Okay, full circle.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: The language was a little different, but it's basically the
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: same idea.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he was just trying to motivate people.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right to be better, that is the right
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: way to do it, John Rockers way, the John Rocker therapy.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: I think we're all on John Rockers.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, I think in the fullness of time, yeah,
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: it's proven right hindsight me in twenty twenty.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's terrible. John Rockers had horrible things. Yeah, don't
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 3: look them up. Everybody, we're joking.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, caveat, none of this is endorsed. But no,
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: Like I just to me, that's one of the most
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: annoying kinds of therapists that I'll ever meet is somebody
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: that like tries this directive like call them like they
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: see him method, and they like they try to like
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: clothe themselves as like a straight shooter.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 3: And I think we are.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: I think every profession knows people like this.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it is someone that you that you quickly
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: realize has a bag of tricks, yeah, and says these things,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: has kind of these but buzzwords that they say, and
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: they they do the whole thing where like, I'm this person,
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 2: so you should respect the things that I'm saying, right,
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say them in such a way that
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna rattle them off.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, I'm very almost militaristically.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna put this persona on and
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna bark these things out and I'm going
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: to work with the assumption that you respect me. So
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 2: much that you're just gonna soap that language in. But
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: nobody respects you. No, they don't know who the fuck
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: you are. You haven't you haven't earned that respect yet. Yeah,
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: and that's how you get to be known as that bitch. Yes,
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 2: and then your insistent now itself that bitch is yelling again,
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 2: that bitch is what to do again, That bitch is
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: telling me how my life isn't right anymore, and how
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: and how that bitch knows the knows the right thing.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: I don't admire people like that, but I get that like,
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: and I like that the writer is trying not to
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: be that bitch right and and look duffy, there there
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: is a time and a place for directive, and there
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: is time and place for challenging and and observing things.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: But like, I like therapists, and I think they are
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: more effective overall when they observe patterns in a way
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: the patient can agree with. Whenever you point this out,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: not as not not as your antagonist, not as your teacher,
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: but as the person standing shoulder to show with you
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: in the journey. And like, I observe, Hey, it looks
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: like this keeps happening. What do you think about that
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: in this really like unoffensive way that's non threatening. It's
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: more able to be ingested and understood and like life
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: change can happen. So like to me, I've never admired
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: people that are like overly directive, overly challenging, calling people out,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: unless they've earned the right to do that and they're
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: reading that person correctly and they realize that person will
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 1: thrive with this, and I'm gonna call them out and
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: that's what they want from it.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: But I think I might have a good middle ground
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: for Duffy here, Okay, because Duffy, it sounds like, is
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: a direct person at gonna be but they're also you
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: know that this carrying and supportive person, right, So I
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: think the goal that the target that I would aim
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: for if I were you, is not one or the other. Okay,
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: I would aim for that carrying, uplifting person who is
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: no nonsense. Okay, it's not that you are that bitch,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 2: it's simply your no nonsense. Yeah, but you want to
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 2: strive for that repute of being the no nonsense person
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 2: that truly has my best interest in mind, A very.
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: Honest person that's right, Like I won't sugarcoat it doesn't
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: sound like no nonsense.
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but you always will know that I'm coming
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 2: to it from a place of caring and compassion.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, that I'm fine with that. Yeah, it's just it
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: has to start with that that sense of empathy and understanding,
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: which I do not think is a weakness, like one
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: of the And again, every therapist has different styles I'm
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: really aligned with, like motivational interviewing, which I've always found
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: when when you meet a therapist who can really do it,
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: the ones who do it very naturally have done it
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: for your especially in substance abuse counseling. It is a
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: superpower to witness them at work where they're like walking
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: backward and guiding this person right into huge conclusions and
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: decisions that the worst consequences of life couldn't do but
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: they've managed to do while not seeming like they were
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: making them do it or pointing them in direction or
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: forcing them or chasing them around with a stick, but
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: like helping this person arrive at genuine personal conclusions that
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: the therapist walked backward into without being challenging, but like
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: if they are, they're doing it in this again, motivational
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: interviewing is sort of like a way of talking that
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: encourages people to arrive at these conclusions in these epiphanies
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: in a pretty organic way, and it doesn't usually challenge.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: It uses resistance and rolls with it. It can playfully challenge,
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: it will earn the right to do that. But like
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: it works with people that are the most disagreeable, the
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: most ignorant of their patterns, and arrives at like genuine
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: epiphanies that like change their lives. So to me, that's
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: just a style that like uses agreeability while also like
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: peppering in truth, but in this way that isn't like
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: shining the light right in their eyes. It's like this
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: non directive way.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like if the way I've always
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 3: viewed this is it's like if if there was a
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 3: path with a fork in the road, and you are
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 3: you are as a therapist, are on one branch and
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 3: the client is on a different branch. You can't just
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 3: yell and say hey, come here, because they're not going
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 3: to do that. They see where you're at, they see
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 3: where they are at. They're not going to be like,
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, I'll just come over to you.
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 3: No, it's not going to work. So what you have
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 3: to do is you have to slowly work backwards until
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 3: you are at the same point before the path split off,
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 3: and then you just start talking with them as you're
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 3: walking walking and you just have that conversation and they
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 3: don't even realize that they've made a decision until you
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 3: started down that path. And that's how to truly get
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 3: real motivational interviewing working, because they can't know that it's happening,
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 3: and it's got to be authentic, organic, and it's got
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 3: to be their idea.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is the closest thing to ethical mind control
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: that I could possibly think of, Like, and it is ethical,
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: Like it's very hard to do, and like I think
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: it comes with an incredible restraint on the therapist part.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: But like addiction treatment and teenagers are very difficult populations,
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: and like Duffy's working with younger people, but like teenagers
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: are another one where it's like I don't see that
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: that there's a problem here a lot of the times,
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: Like there's a lot of stubborness, especially teenage addiction, and
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: like you know, there it takes a lot of connection
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: and congruence before you can get somebody to see some things.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: But I feel like, especially with teenagers. I think that
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: is a special population where you do have to take
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: the risk at some point as a therapist, you do
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 1: have to be bold. You do have to kind of
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: like not break the relationship, and I think leverage it
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: and cause truth to happen.
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 3: And for that to occur, I think it goes back
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 3: to Jacob's earlier advice, which is you have to know, Yeah.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, get to lick it. Yeah, it seems to always
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: solve the problem.
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 3: You gotta know what your relationship. You have to have
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 3: that awareness of what your relationship with.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: This person everything.
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, before you can just throw that out because like
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 3: I can think of one bullet that gun, if you
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 3: spend it right now, hit what you're aiming at. I
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 3: can think of maybe in the twenty plus years I've
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 3: been doing this, two maybe three clients that I was
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: able to just kind of use a sarcastic comment, okay
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 3: to get them to understand something.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: But you you wagered the whole relationship on that.
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 3: But I knew my standing, I knew where I was
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 3: with this person. I knew why we had already established
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 3: a really good rapport. They knew my sense of humor,
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 3: they knew I was coming from a good place. They
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 3: knew I was there to help them, and I was
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 3: able to throw in something like a hey, that seems
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 3: like a great idea. You've never tried that before, have you? Yeah,
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 3: And then they were just like I got it. Yeah,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 3: fuck yeah, I have done this before. You know. But
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 3: like that's one tenth of one percent of the people
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 3: I've worked with. Right, you know, Now that makes for
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 3: amazing TV and movies. Right, if you want to think
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 3: of a TV therapist, Yeah, that makes for a great TV.
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 3: There bangs the table, calls.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 2: You out like that's what they want to It's also
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: a good way to communicate with Laura. It works well
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 2: with Laura, backhanded comments and sarcasm at loves it, I guess.
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: But you know what's what's tough too, is like I
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: think that's.
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 3: The visions don't need to be washed.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: It's fine. I just living a pig stick.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 3: I guess.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: Fine, I love it. Yeah, it's fine.
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 3: I love not being able to see the countertop. It's great, wonderful.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: Who cares remember what color it is?
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 3: Then we don't have to wash it.
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: No, But like one time here in the question you
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: asked the white staff at the restaurant. I feel like
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: with kids it is a little bit more difficult because
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 1: I think that a lot of times the relationship can
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 1: flow really naturally, and it's hard sometimes to even keep
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: it focused on therapeutics. And sometimes you do have to
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: like just kind of be direct sometimes and like say
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: the thing in an obvious way, Whereas with adults, most
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: of the time, depending upon you know their cognitive abilities,
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like we can take this scenic route to
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: epiphany and to realization by helping them understand patterns, asking
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: probing questions, repeating themes, like you can get them there,
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: and you can get that agreeability and that therapeutical liiance
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: strong enough that you can use subtle things like humor,
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: teasing or even when we're direct. We've earned the right
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: to be direct in this way that they finally accept
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: and it actually lands. With kids, sometimes I feel like
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: they just forget everything week to week, and so it's
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: just like sometimes you just have to be like, hey, yeah,
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: it sounds like you're lying again. Is that something you're
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: trying to stop doing or what's going on with that?
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: And like, yeah, I feel like sometimes you can't pussy
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: foot around this thing with especially with pediatrics like that, well.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 3: Especially I mean the other thing too, is like, I
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 3: mean a lot of kids that I've worked with, how
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 3: they learn to say things for shock value, right, you know?
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 3: And so another example, God, he's a parent screaming up coming,
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, shock value kids a parent. Kids and parents
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 3: are basically the same, yeah, teenage parrot. But even kind
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 3: of being just genuine about that and kind of calling
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 3: it out and just like it feels to me like
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 3: you're saying this because you want my attention, right, you know,
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 3: and it kind of disarms them a little bit, you know,
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 3: Like I've done stuff like that, and that's I don't know,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 3: if you call it direct, it's more. But again like
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying it with an attitude, I'm not saying
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 3: it with any emotion.
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: I'm saying it very Yeah, I'm fine with being direct.
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: I'm final being challenging duffy, especially with youngsters. I think
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: that's fine. I'm never going to step away from my
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: Carl Rogers kind of you know, synthesis of of like foundations,
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 1: which is it always Oh Jesus Jesus Christ, what wow?
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: Witnes's gone for one week and we've doven into pedophilia again. Jesus,
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: she was the rope holding us up. But no, Like,
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 1: I just feel like you've got to start with that relationship.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: And I'm fine with some amounts of directive, like you know,
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: challenging somebody. I think that can always be accomplished from
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: a position of I like you, I'm rooting for you,
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: I believe in you, and gosh darn it seems like
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: this keeps happening. Why do you think that is? And
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 1: if the kid wants to sit down and talk about
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: their latest video game and waste fifteen minutes of the
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: session talking about life, I do think we have to
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: come in as therapists and be directive sometimes and say, so,
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: how is that challenge going, what's better, what's worse? What
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: are we doing to work on that? I think you
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: can borrow from solution focus brief therapy. I think that
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: is a great technique that likes to address what's happening
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: in approving and optimistic ways, while also still identifying how
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: we can be intentional. I like that theory, am I
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: I think is a great theory for this too. But yeah,
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 1: I think that both can be done. I think you
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: can be directed. In my opinion, I have no respect
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: for therapists that just come out guns blazing trying to
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: teach everybody, and they're not doing the work. They're not bonding,
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: they're not connecting, they're not disarming, and I think ultimately
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: they're ineffective. Even if in the session people are like, Wow,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: you're really smart, it's like, clearly you're a self aggrandizing
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: asshole therapist that needs to be padded on the back
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 1: until how fucking smart you are, and like, to me,
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: that's just it's it's just self serving. I just don't
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: think it's client focused. So mister, you'll get your ass
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: back in the fucking closet.
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 3: Oh terrible.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: You do what I tell you to do. You're not
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: invited to come out here. You stay in that closet anyway. Duffy, congratulations,
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 1: I'm waiting for your number. That's terrific that you have
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: made it into the winner's circle of this profession. I
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: saw the other day at fifty seven percent of people
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: that graduate from graduate school do not ultimately go on
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 1: to achieve their full licensure. Fifty seven percent, two thirds
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 1: of people that graduate do not make it to this
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: to where Duffy is getting why washing out an internship,
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: just not completing the hours, maybe not passing the exams. Uh,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: getting distracted along the way, maybe like life's happening.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 3: You get your ass bat.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get you that finished line. My interns will
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: always make it. Supervision carry you across. That's right.
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: You know that. My my interns are very impressive. They
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 1: get their shit done. They're they're they're hard workers. So
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: no thanks to me, but I think that they do
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: a good job. We're gonna take a break and when
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: we come back, we're wrapping up the show. You are
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: listening to pod therapy.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Minny Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 3: Tess Miller, Biler, T Harris, t Monico, Oscar Swann, Rose Anna, Marie,
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 3: Emma Kine, Myra and Sam Cone. And if you would
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 3: like to sponsor the show, become a therapuser patreon dot
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 3: com slash therapy.
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: As we wrap up the show, I want to remind
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 1: you visit patreon dot com slash therapy and you can
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 1: get our extended show add free a day earlier, as
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: well as enjoy our live chat discord community in our
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 1: weekly Deep dot well our periodic we deep dives, interviews, skill,
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: serious research, right, I know, rants, Hey, I'm to blame
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: to Buddy. I had a cool series going, but life
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: happens those a summertime. Fuck, we're busy anyway, patroon dot
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: com slash Therapy. We've got some new friends who've joined
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 1: the therap party. Who is new to the bunch there.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 3: We got a new therapal uh Lizna Lemon.
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 1: I love that name. I I when I saw that
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 1: come through. Sometimes I'll see a handle and I'll be like, Oh,
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: that that they probably just cleverly picked that, and I'll
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 1: bet when I click on them, I won't see that
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: that actually is the email associated with the name, and
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: this is one that it was And I was like, oh, great,
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 1: that's actually this person.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 3: That's wonderful.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: Thought it was a fake name.
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 3: Cool, love it. And we got a new therap pod
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 3: K Trauma Welco K Trauma. And guess what we got
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 3: two new therap producers what Sam Cone? Hell yeah, thank you,
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 3: thank you so much and bgay Do Crime.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: About damn time. Welcome to the producer circle. Bgay Do Crimes.
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 1: You've you've been needed in this group for a while now.
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 1: And Sam Cone lovely to have you. And we'd like
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 1: to thank the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro therapy
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: diehards who love you all so much they give till
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 1: it hurts, dirty b and pick pick it. And we
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: want to thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: members of the fan Club that their producers thank you.
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 1: Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Brownie Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 1: Fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia, Leon Cassab Carol and Albert,
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 1: Kevin Chamberlin, Tess Miller, Dan Martin, Sammy Scoop, Slippe, Kai Motherfucker,
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 1: Ben's Stanley Slapping your Face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Biler Team,
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 1: Mike helm Oscar Swan Rose, Paris A Sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham,
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 1: Lib Sandra Mcwoffle Team Monaco, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Heyo Hannah,
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: Marie Andrew Lingmead, Emma Tonka and Pony Soprano, Alina Codelorian
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: Guy Brady Malay, Chick Chick Filatio Gabriela, Dame, Shawn Sutherland,
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: max A Ginger Scoop Chad mag Adam Warren, Unca Le
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 1: Prince then ended up being inca Sam Cone and welcoming
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 1: Bigay do crimes.
• 1:33:48
  Speaker 3: If you'd like to do this episode uncut and unedited,
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 3: and why wouldn't you? Thank you Whitney and enjoyer spontaneous
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 3: side prodcust go to patreon dot com slash therapy and
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 3: thank you for supporting mental health.
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: That's all the time we get for this week's say
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 1: you want to thank our Landlord SJ and the Luckess
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 1: and thanks to all of you contributed to our show today.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: We really appreciate it. Remember pot therapy and somebody keep
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: all to yourself Shore the episode was the world teg
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: us on the socials when they do. We're at pop
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 1: Therapy guys on Instagram, threads and Twitter, slash pot therapy
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 1: on Facebook, and someone on blue Sky and don't forget
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 1: about all the extra goodies at patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 3: Do you want to spend a question of the show,
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 3: ask anonymously a pot Therapy is at nat email us
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 3: at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com, or click
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 3: the link in the episode description.
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: I'm Nick Tangermin, I'm Jim, I'm Whitney.
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 3: Thanks, we'll see if your appointment next week you need
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 3: to talk to you about quitting smoking. Whitney can't stop
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 3: bon stuff. Hacko Day spits in the picture least.
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 1: Goodbye everybody, BA