Latest / Jennifer with Coffee / Jennifer with Coffee-Episode 15-Conquer fear with Mentorship Queen, Alexis Meruelo

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Jennifer with Coffee-Episode 15-Conquer fear with Mentorship Queen, Alexis Meruelo · Jennifer with Coffee

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Jennifer with Coffee, a mindset podcast for people who are looking for real change.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Jennifer Lauer, writer, yogi, and fitness fanatic.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Lately, I've been having lots of coffee meetups, long,
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: honest conversations that delve into mindset,
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  SPEAKER_01: identity, choices, and habits that shape our lives.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I kept thinking how I wanted to share these conversations.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: So here we are.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Each episode moves in three beats.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: An inspirational story, an interview with thinkers, builders, athletes, and artists.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: People who want to share their own transformations.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we'll end with a brief meditation to practice calming the nervous system.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you've been connecting with the stories and conversations here,
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've also written some fiction that explore emotional spaces.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: One is an AI dystopia and the others are part of a paranormal mystery series.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ever curious, you can find them on my website, jenniferlauer.com.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Today, I wanted to talk about delayed gratification.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone knows about the marshmallow experiment
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  SPEAKER_01: where they gave small children one marshmallow and And they said,
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  SPEAKER_01: if you can wait 10 minutes and not eat this marshmallow,
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  SPEAKER_01: then I will give you two marshmallows or you can eat this one right now.
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  SPEAKER_01: And the children that were able to delay their gratification turned out
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  SPEAKER_01: to be more successful in their adulthood.
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  SPEAKER_01: It is funny because sometimes we're really good at delayed gratification
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  SPEAKER_01: and sometimes we're terrible at it and we just gobble
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  SPEAKER_01: that marshmallow up right away.
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  SPEAKER_01: In my adulthood,
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  SPEAKER_01: I keep reminding myself of the benefits of delayed gratification
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  SPEAKER_01: and I think I'm talking about it right now just to remind myself that
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  SPEAKER_01: the best things come when you can handle the delay.
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  SPEAKER_01: A delay doesn't have to be A rejection.
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  SPEAKER_01: A delay doesn't have to be a never.
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  SPEAKER_01: A delay just means not right now.
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  SPEAKER_01: And when I can reframe things in my life as a delay,
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  SPEAKER_01: it gives me peace to know if I don't get this marshmallow right now,
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  SPEAKER_01: maybe waiting will bring me too.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like the mantra, this or something better.
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  SPEAKER_01: I really believe if you're meant for something,
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  SPEAKER_01: the idea of of something coming to you that you want,
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  SPEAKER_01: that you desire,
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  SPEAKER_01: or something that you see in someone else that you're like,
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  SPEAKER_01: ooh, I wish I could be like that, or I wish I could have that.
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  SPEAKER_01: That comes to you in a divine way, even if it feels very far from you.
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  SPEAKER_01: The only reason that it would come into your spirit is because it means something to you.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's meaningful.
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  SPEAKER_01: You should always follow that.
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  SPEAKER_01: When you want a marshmallow and then you eat it right away,
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  SPEAKER_01: You forget about it about five seconds later.
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  SPEAKER_01: It might have been good in the moment, a little hit of dopamine, having that treat.
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  SPEAKER_01: In the long run,
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  SPEAKER_01: the things that really matter,
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  SPEAKER_01: the things that you really care about,
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  SPEAKER_01: are the things that are slow to develop,
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  SPEAKER_01: are things that take some resistance, take some suffering.
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  SPEAKER_01: I wish it wasn't like that.
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  SPEAKER_01: But then again,
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  SPEAKER_01: if there was no resistance to your greatest goals and desires,
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  SPEAKER_01: you probably would be really bored by them.
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  SPEAKER_01: If something was meant for you and you got it right away, there's hedonic adaptation.
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  SPEAKER_01: Hedonic adaptation tells you, you get used to things really fast.
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  SPEAKER_01: So it's like when you get a brand new car, say this was your dream car.
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  SPEAKER_01: You had desired and thought about and put it on your vision board,
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  SPEAKER_01: did all the research and you somehow the universe brings you this exact car.
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  SPEAKER_01: You get your dream and then you're driving this car every day.
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  SPEAKER_01: And you forget, you slowly forget how much you wanted this car, how much you desired this car.
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  SPEAKER_01: The only way for you to maintain love for this car is
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  SPEAKER_01: if you remind yourself how grateful you are to be driving it.
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  SPEAKER_01: No matter how long the delay was, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: I tried to do that myself.
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  SPEAKER_01: There are so many things that I count in my life with gratitude and that is
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  SPEAKER_01: the only way to continue to keep desiring what you have through gratitude.
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  SPEAKER_01: Delay the gratification.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then when you achieve it, when you receive it, remind yourself with gratitude.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful that I get to drive my dream car every day,
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  SPEAKER_01: even though you've had it for four years now and it's a little dusty and
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  SPEAKER_01: the seats have a little wear and tear.
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  SPEAKER_01: Just a little reminder that delay can actually be a good thing and gratitude is
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  SPEAKER_01: the key to maintaining it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Music And now for our interview.
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  SPEAKER_01: Alexis Meruelo is a nationally recognized speaker,
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  SPEAKER_01: author, philanthropist, and creator of the Business of Her conference.
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  SPEAKER_01: She is dedicated to helping women believe in their worth,
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  SPEAKER_01: build well,
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  SPEAKER_01: and step into positions of power Through mentorship, collaboration, and community.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now, through her debut book,
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  SPEAKER_01: Getting You Ready for Power, Alexis introduces her signature three-phase framework.
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  SPEAKER_01: Believe in yourself, build your team, and rise to lead.
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  SPEAKER_01: Blending personal stories,
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  SPEAKER_01: research,
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  SPEAKER_01: and practical strategy,
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  SPEAKER_01: the book offers a powerful roadmap for women
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  SPEAKER_01: to authentically embrace their own power from within.
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  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Jennifer with Coffee, Alexis.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm so excited to be here.
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  SPEAKER_00: Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I currently oversee corporate social responsibility,
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  SPEAKER_00: which essentially I oversee different philanthropic works in terms of how
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  SPEAKER_00: the business is going to be doing good things in the community.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so that's really my full-time role.
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  SPEAKER_00: In addition, I also am a newly anointed author here as well as a conference creator.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm curious about the corporate philanthropy.
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  SPEAKER_01: So are you pairing corporations with philanthropic projects?
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  SPEAKER_01: Are you like the middleman?
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  SPEAKER_01: Is that kind of how it works?
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  SPEAKER_01: Essentially, yes.
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  SPEAKER_01: So there's
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  SPEAKER_01: a lot of different
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  SPEAKER_00: initiatives of which we kind of really focus on.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then it's my job to go out and find those nonprofits,
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  SPEAKER_00: find those initiatives, and make sure that we're building partnerships for them.
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  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
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  SPEAKER_01: Did you come to building the conference first or writing the book first?
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  SPEAKER_01: What was kind of the order?
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  SPEAKER_00: When it came to the book, the book was very much a healing and spiritual journey for me.
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  SPEAKER_00: It took me three years to write it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Through it, I think I actually found my own healing.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was able to really then have this playbook of how I went through it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't spare any details.
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  SPEAKER_00: I go through the ups and downs.
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  SPEAKER_00: All the things I've ever gone through and then how I got to the other side of it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I hope that it turns into a really great playbook for other people that are going
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  SPEAKER_00: through similar things.
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  SPEAKER_00: In terms of the conference,
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  SPEAKER_00: I think building a community of women has always been something that I've wanted
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  SPEAKER_00: to do.
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  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't know how to do it.
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  SPEAKER_00: When it came to kind of creating this national event, at first, right, it's very daunting.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: That's really interesting.
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  SPEAKER_01: I feel very aligned with your mission in that this podcast is really to do both
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: of those things,
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  SPEAKER_01: uplift women and discussing the journey that it takes,
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: the transformation of our lives.
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  SPEAKER_01: Because I always say we have transformations multiple times in our lives, some more than others.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I find that hearing other people's story of how they got from point A
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  SPEAKER_01: to point B is It's so informative.
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  SPEAKER_01: Having a conference combining all of these women and their stories,
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  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's a really interesting thing.
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  SPEAKER_01: On this podcast, we're curious about that time of transformation.
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  SPEAKER_01: Can you maybe walk us through a time where you went from one version of yourself to the next?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, I could think of many.
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  SPEAKER_00: I would say there's been...
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  SPEAKER_00: A few in recent that I look back and think, oh my God, how am I even the same person?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't even recognize myself anymore.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are the transformations that I'm probably the most proud of.
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  SPEAKER_00: One that comes to mind that I've written about is a really,
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  SPEAKER_00: really intense heartbreak where you think that this is your person and
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  SPEAKER_00: then they just turn around and say, you're not.
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  SPEAKER_00: After years of building and creating a I learned that success is not truly, you know, marriage.
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  SPEAKER_00: Success is not
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  SPEAKER_00: Finding a marriage or being in a partnership or having kids, it's really finding yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you really understand who you are,
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  SPEAKER_00: everything else will come so much stronger and better and faster
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  SPEAKER_00: because you have such a strong foundation.
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  SPEAKER_00: Being forced to sit with myself and really do the work is where I saw
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  SPEAKER_00: the biggest transformation.
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  SPEAKER_01: Could you tell me what were you like,
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  SPEAKER_01: the kind of person you were before the breakup and the kind of person
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  SPEAKER_01: that you became afterward?
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  SPEAKER_01: You know,
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  SPEAKER_01: we're essentially still ourselves,
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  SPEAKER_01: but maybe we were quieting or closing off a part of our relationship.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just curious,
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  SPEAKER_01: was there something that you look back and you're like, wow,
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  SPEAKER_01: I had no space for this part of myself before and
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  SPEAKER_01: then this became something really important to me after?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the things that comes to mind is my self-worth.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you're in a relationship,
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  SPEAKER_00: sometimes as women, we tend to prioritize other people in front of our own needs.
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  SPEAKER_00: So many times we think,
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  SPEAKER_00: well, if I could only just make this person happier, that's where we seek value.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's really, really, really easy to lose yourself, of which I did.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was kind of like bumpy,
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: very much flopping all over the place and didn't have a stable backbone to
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  SPEAKER_00: which I could operate my daily life on.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's something I think I look back and I'm like, wow, I don't recognize myself anymore.
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  SPEAKER_00: To be able to stand on 10 toes and say, no, like this is who I am.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is my work.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is my purpose.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's really powerful.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when you come from that place, I think it creates a whole different direction for your life.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: In the famous words of Selena Gomez,
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  SPEAKER_01: if you are a people pleaser and you stop people pleasing,
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  SPEAKER_01: people will not be pleased.
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  SPEAKER_01: When you are that Gumby flexible and you're of being what everyone around you needs you to be.
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  SPEAKER_01: When you turn inward and stop performing for everyone else and you start coming from
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: that space inside, it can be an uncomfortable thing.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: So clearly you are going through this breakup.
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  SPEAKER_01: How did it affect the other people in your life when you transformed
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: and stopped maybe doing so much Gumby action?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, gosh.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, look,
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: there's always going to be folks that don't like it because they're used to
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  SPEAKER_00: a certain person or they're used to who you used to be.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I think the people that really love you are really going to be proud of you.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I mostly experienced was people that are still
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: in my circle today are really proud of the person I am.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's a testament to Not only our relationship,
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: but the fact that they see me in, for lack of a better terms, think I'm brave.
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  SPEAKER_00: I kind of don't, I don't love that, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: I think I like courage better or strength,
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: but I will say there has been a lot of bravery or courage or strength that I've had
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  SPEAKER_00: to,
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: exemplify through the transition and the growth period
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: that maybe some people didn't.
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  SPEAKER_00: And they look and say, oh wow, she did it.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: At that time,
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  SPEAKER_01: were you as drawn to being this entrepreneur who runs conferences and writes books?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think deep down,
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: there was always a desire to do something more, which is what's really important.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you cover all of those things, the voice just gets louder and louder.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when I had to sit with myself, that's when everything really started to rush in.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's when those moments were like, oh, wow,
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  SPEAKER_00: now I have all this space and time to dedicate
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  SPEAKER_00: to all these things I've always wanted to do.
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  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, In the moment, it was really painful.
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  SPEAKER_00: But looking back,
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh,
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: thank God that that's exactly what happened because now I wouldn't change it for
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: the world.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's always been there.
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  SPEAKER_00: It took me falling a few times to actually get the courage to do it.
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  SPEAKER_01: What do you think some of the most important characteristics are to develop
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  SPEAKER_01: into your most powerful self to this person who can have a strong backbone in
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  SPEAKER_01: the face of maybe you didn't before?
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  SPEAKER_00: So I think I touch upon this in my writing,
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  SPEAKER_00: but one of the things that I think is really important is having a group of mentors.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let me explain.
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  SPEAKER_00: Today, mentorship gets a really bad rap.
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  SPEAKER_00: We're like, oh, go get a coffee, go meet with somebody, and really it doesn't do much.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I think...
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  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that has really been a testament to my own career success are
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  SPEAKER_00: the people that have been in my corner.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because of them,
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  SPEAKER_00: maybe reframe different things of maybe what I couldn't do,
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  SPEAKER_00: change them into know why do you think you can't do them because I know you can.
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  SPEAKER_00: The study and the research shows only 37% of women currently have mentorship or mentors today.
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  SPEAKER_00: And of those 37%,
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  SPEAKER_00: only 17% of those women got mentors by asking,
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  SPEAKER_00: which means that more than 70% of us are sitting at home and haven't sent
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  SPEAKER_00: a single email asking somebody to be their mentor, which to me is crazy.
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  SPEAKER_00: When all the statistic and the research and the studies show that women
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: that do have mentorship or support are More likely to get a promotion,
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  SPEAKER_00: more likely to be spoken around in rooms,
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: more likely to be supported, more likely to get a pay bump.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: All the things are there supporting this data, and yet a majority of us don't even have them.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so I really want to make sure if there's one key takeaway from today's podcast,
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  SPEAKER_00: if you are listening, do yourself a favor and do both of us a solid.
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  SPEAKER_00: Write an email or a DM or a text to somebody that you really admire and And shoot your shot.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day,
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: if you can meet with that person two or three times a year and talk about some
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: the things that are holding you back and have some different framework or
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: a different perspective on how you can move forward,
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  SPEAKER_00: it can truly alter your trajectory.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's one of the key current misses today of women is
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  SPEAKER_00: that we are not asking for support.
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  SPEAKER_00: And yet it's such an indicator of our career success and where we're going to go.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Really incredible advice.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Women who have made their way have so much wisdom to offer.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: I like to think about it.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: If someone were to ask me to mentor them, how would that feel?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, if it's someone who you want to mentor you, they have some level of success.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: They're doing something that you want to do.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So you might think they're too busy.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: They are too out of your league to be getting in touch with.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: But if it was someone coming to me and asking me, how would I feel?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Your chances of getting a yes are much higher than you think.
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  SPEAKER_01: What are some other ways to combat that fear that someone might have in thinking?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sending the email,
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: sending the DM,
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: because I completely agree with you that the best things I've learned
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: in my life have been from other women who have gone through it before me
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: or have shared in so many different aspects of life.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: The best information about anything,
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: business, love, health, they all come from people who have been there before.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: So what's another way you could combat that fear of Because I just want
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: to give another tip so that we can make sure that people actually do it.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so this exact situation actually happened to me.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: A couple years ago, I was introduced to a very successful female millionaire.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: We were at an event.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody gave me her cell phone number and basically said, you need to go meet.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: So we spent an hour, we chit-chatted, we got to know each other.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: We were like, okay, we definitely connected.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of it, she said, hey, I'm going to shoot you a text.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to reach out to me.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to mentor you.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: I remember thinking, wow, that's great.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: What ended up happening was months went by and I never reached out.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: The person that connected us ended up asking, hey, did you ever reach out to so-and-so?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, no.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, why?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, well, you know, she's so busy.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: She's got four kids.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: She's running an empire.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: She's all the things.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went and stopped myself.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And in those exact words,
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thought,
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: oh my God,
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know exactly why all the girls I gave my cell phone number to never called me.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm over here Wishing,
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: wondering,
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: waiting,
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: why like 20 girls aren't following up on such a great opportunity
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: to give this mentorship thing a shot.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: And yet here I am doing the exact same thing.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, it wasn't until I actually had that moment where I saw the complete disconnect.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is a lot of these successful or just even women
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: that we emulate We always tell ourselves, we don't want to be a burden, right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to burden you.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to bother you.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: We know you're busy, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to do any of those things.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: On the other side of it,
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: they're out here wise and successful and happy to give advice to young people.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so we talk ourselves out of it.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is, is that I would rather you shoot your shot.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you are giving somebody advice, that is also rewarding.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's fulfilling.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Don't take that opportunity to be great from somebody away.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's no harm in that.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this,
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: let that moment really sink in and hit you because I don't want that same thing
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: that happened to me to happen to you.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to really understand that one, you are not taking away from somebody.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Two, Ask because right now more than 70% of us women aren't asking.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So there's your shot.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's your opportunity right there.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the third is you can and will find someone to help you.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if the first three don't work out,
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you if you send 10, Somebody's going to say yes.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you're still not getting yeses, change your email a little bit.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe send it to two or three people a little bit, maybe lower than Emma agreed, right?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's cater it.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's change it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I promise at some point, somebody would say, happy to give you some advice, hon.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Happy to hear you out.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's really just taking away that stigma of it and like learning
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: that people are more than willing.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: We just stop ourselves.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Inquiring minds want to know, did you finally text her?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And what ended up happening was I reached out and within an hour,
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I had an email from the office of the CEO.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I had a scheduled Zoom meeting for an hour with her.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And by the time it ended, she had nominated me for an internship kind of program.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: That it's only by nomination that you could even be considered.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: And here I am thinking that she's too busy for me.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, you have no idea.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: You have no idea.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell the girls I work with all the time, reach out, reach back out.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're not bothering me.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Send me an email, send me a question.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's really not a big deal.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: It takes me about one minute to get back to you.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's as small as, does this resume look good?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or does this question look good?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think about this company?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not difficult, guys.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're all doing stuff.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I can shoot a text.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really not that hard.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I think take that stigma away and find a list of people.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: You are who you're around.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: Who you surround yourself with is who you become.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're surrounded by a bunch of people who are not doing anything
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: or don't have many aspirations or don't see the world in a big way,
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: where does that leave you?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to be good.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: I also want to go back to what you were saying about how being in
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: the mentorship relationship is also giving to the mentor.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Learning to receive as a woman is one of our...
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Important lessons to learn in this life.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people are givers.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's in our nature to be nurturing.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: There's creative energy where it's a lot easier to give of yourself,
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: take care of people, learning to receive that back.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: You need to see the value that you provide someone even when they're the mentor for you.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: So like it isn't just a one-way street that they're giving you all their wisdom.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: What an amazing gift it is if you give someone I mean,
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: like take this down to the smallest level.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you recommend something for someone like,
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: for example,
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: if I recommend a book to a friend and they actually read that book and come back
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: to me and say they read that book, it is such an honor.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a long time.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel so honored that that person took my opinion and went ahead and did it.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: So on this whole idea of relationships and mentorships with women,
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think that learning to give and receive
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: are vital.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, 100%.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's funny you say that because even in my book,
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about two or three books that changed my life completely.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I had people come back to me and say,
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: oh, by the way, I ordered that Nicole Walters book you wrote about.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, really?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: You did?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or like I quoted so much of Melinda Gates' research from her book.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I really wanted to learn more about that.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: You did?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: So it's actually really cool because if you told me you read a book
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: that changed your life, hell, of course I'm going to order it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: What was it in this that made you go, aha, I want to know.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is such a game changer.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a game changer to be able to not only hear,
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: when you learn about something that the person that you admire likes,
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: you're like, well, I want it too.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Influencing 101.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: They like it, I want it.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: They have a perfume, it's probably good because I like them.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it works, right?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't we do that with work?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't we do that with money?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't we do that with career or how to ask for promotion?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody says,
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: this is how I do it,
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: or if somebody says,
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: this is what I think you should do, I don't know, maybe take them up on it.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Incredible advice.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so, you know...
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Going down that same road,
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: what's something that we get wrong about becoming our most successful selves?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, have you seen in the people you work with, is there a pattern?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like there are always patterns with these kind of things,
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: but is there something that you notice is a common obstacle that people have
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: when it comes to becoming their most successful, powerful selves?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, 100%.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what it is?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's that we think, we think that we're here when we can actually be here.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And for those of you who can't see, I put my hand here.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: We can only see how much our fear allows us to see because our fear holds us back so much.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you a perfect example.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime that you wanna go for a client that's bigger than what you've ever had,
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: your old operating self will go,
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: oh, well, you've only ever done this, so that's what we're gonna do.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna go, oh, of course, jump really high because you could fall.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And fear is not gonna let you do that.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I see this all the time.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: I see it all the time.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: I see it not only with team members.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: I see it with all the girls I mentor.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: I see it with my mentees.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: I see it with my community.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're not yet ready to take that next step because of fear.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And all it really takes is a couple of conversations with somebody who 10Xs that idea.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because then all of a sudden you're like, oh, well,
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think I was gonna create Disneyland,
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: but I guess I could create an event or I guess I could write It really is
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: about thinking of something and then 10xing it.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: It takes the fear away from that next step.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: For example,
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: when I was writing my book,
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the things that is scary is pitching it to a literary agent.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: That could be scary.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: But then instead of that,
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to 10x it and think,
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: well, I want to pitch this to be a movie in 12 different countries.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, shit, that's a lot scarier, right?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: But can you do step one?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think step one just became a lot easier.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like,
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: how do you continue to always think 10 times bigger so that
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: the fear doesn't actually stop you from really taking that next step?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because I see so many people get stuck on just the littlest things.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: That is so true.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes me think of, I saw this interview once with Obama.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: He was saying how once he became president,
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: he was in the rooms with all of the heads of state and the smartest people in
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: the world.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: He He expected this incredible intellect and the highest degree of humanity in these rooms.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: He basically was like, yeah, they weren't so intimidating.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: For him to say that, you're saying 10x it, that's 10x to me.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, nobody's born on knowing.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: We all came to Earth.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're all born at the same time.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: We're all learning things at the same time.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's a single person that came to Earth, the level of President Obama intellect.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, they had to go to kindergarten.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, they had to go to first grade.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're all learning different things.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, there's people with different IQs, but that's not really the point.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: The point is we're all learning at the same exact speed on planet Earth.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I've actually met people with insane IQs that are just very normal, regular people.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: Their brains just work on some other level.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, they're just like anyone else.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're all exactly from the same cloth.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: We're all ordinary individuals.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Mm hmm.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: Can we get into some of the fun with your book?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: I really am curious about you went on a book tour.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: How did that go?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: That was recent.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's been great.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think the best part about it is really getting to one-on-one hear a lot of
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: the things that women are going through.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: a book is really impactful and insightful and inspiring,
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: but there's nothing like one-to-one connection and me being able
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: to like personally understand Cater advice to someone's specific story.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Slowly but surely,
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm becoming this like mentorship queen where it's not like a coach
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: where you have to hire me for work.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like this is my older big sister,
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: but like business mentor that can give me some perspective
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: and remove some fears around the next thing I want to do.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what this book tour has become.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's become like a place where you come into an event or you come to this space.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: I try and get to everybody and just hear them out.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you're working on?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: What are you struggling with?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: What's the next two or three things you really want to do?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then we pull back what's holding them back.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: One of the girls really wanted to start her own real estate business.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, she finds herself getting stuck working back with her dad.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we went back and forth for 20,
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: 30 minutes on like, well, can you really explain the why behind both of them, right?
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is it?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's just talking to somebody about it that helps you get clarity
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: on your next step.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's really what it is.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like having these conversations to get clarity.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: Your next title of your book, The Mentorship Queen.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: It would be really interesting to read about all of your experiences
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: that you're having right now.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope you're writing them down.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: I have a question.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: I am really good at seeing what's happening with other people as a mentor.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: So do you have any advice for someone who can see things really well
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: for other people, but then reflecting it back is difficult?
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, 100%.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: The real genuine answer is I have my own team of people.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: We can't do it for ourselves.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: We are human.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: We get stuck too with things.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a group of people that I've surrounded myself with that I pick up
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: the phone when I'm stuck.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the same kind of conversations I'm having with little girls,
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'll have with them about my own self.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect example, had a Sunday writing afternoon event last weekend.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this woman I've become really great friends with.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think very highly of her and we wanted to both do some free writing on a Sunday.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I told her,
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of stuck right now because I really want to write this next book,
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: which is like a 2.0 version of the one I just created.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of career and mindfulness,
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about finding love and finding yourself and changing perspectives
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: and beliefs.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: I also feel this call to write this fiction summer read romance book because it's
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: in my head and I can't get it out.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: I keep writing all of my lessons and my personal And she's like,
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Can you just separate them?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you trying to squeeze these emotions and feelings into these characters?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, because I don't know if it's one book.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, well, why can't it be two?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then it hit me.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: These are two different books.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is...
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: We all have these moments we can't see sometimes perfectly for ourselves,
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: which is why, again,
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: it's so important to know who you're going to call when you get stuck or
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: to have spiritual hygiene and to be able to say, okay, I'm stuck.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: I need clarity.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I also love to journal.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's One of the things that's brought me the most clarity
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: in life is just getting things out onto paper when I feel stuck or if I'm having
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: a conflict with somebody or not knowing how to talk to somebody,
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: I will have that conversation in my head.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: I will play the whole thing out start to finish of exactly how I'm going to talk
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: to them of exactly what I want to say.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I say it so many times in my head that by the time
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: the next day rolls around, I'm not so angry anymore.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've forgiven them.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've moved on from whatever it is.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: So there's different things that I will do or that I have set up for me now
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: that make it easier to get through it.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you just gave me so much clarity because it's kind of like that moment when you were
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: in the midst of saying all of the reasons why you didn't text that mentor back.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: Wait a second.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: I give that advice all of the time that you need a team.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's so funny.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Having a team.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: You need to have someone outside yourself reflecting that back.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I also wanted to say that as we've been chatting,
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: this is the whole way this podcast came about was actually through mentorship.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was going on coffee dates with people for maybe two years.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was writing based and we would have these great conversations
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: and I'm I really want to share these in some way.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: For a while, I was toiling on my next podcast.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: These are those conversations.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: We all crave the same thing.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a good reminder.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is how it works.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: Having these conversations, hearing other people This is how you elevate.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is how you learn how to be your best version of yourself.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we constantly need those reminders.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's why self-help books continually sell because they all essentially are saying
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: the same thing in different ways.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: They get modernized.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: We need those reminders.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: We need new voices giving us the same information because maybe they'll say it
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: in just the right way to change someone's life.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, for sure.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: One of the books that for me really was resonating the most was Nicole Walters' book.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: She really, I mean, she had- What's the title?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Nothing is Missing.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: She had such vivid stories.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Of her personal life, of the things that she had to overcome and do.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that she explained it, I was on the edge of my seat.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I couldn't even read it fast enough.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, this is so good.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: How did she do this?
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is crazy.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's a story about how she got on the wheel of fortune as
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: a kid She couldn't pay her bills and then she really needed money.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this was like her one last shot.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh my God.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember at the end, I tore out that page of when she finally got on that show.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's like this one page.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: I remember I like pulled it out and posted it on the top.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: He's right.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: The way that you show up for one person is the way you have to show up for a crowd
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: of a million people.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: It just stuck with me and ever since it's just like been on my board.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Stuff like that happens all the time.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a book or a friend or a therapist or a career coach
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: the people you surround yourself with,
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: you need to have a bunch of different people to go to when you are feeling stuck.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think the hardest part is how quickly can you identify that you personally are stuck?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: Don't sit on it for too long.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you sit on it for too long, you're not going to get it done.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm feeling stuck, I'm feeling stuck.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I'm feeling stuck.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who can I call?
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Always get movement on it because if you're stuck on it for too long, it's not good.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've heard that's one of the elements
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: of becoming successful is how quickly you make decisions.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: The faster you make a decision, the better.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's the antithesis to what a lot of people who call themselves perfectionists.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: I say that talking about myself so that you don't have to make a quick decision.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth is,
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_01: the faster you make the decision, the faster you realize if it was right or not.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: So you can make a different decision.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of the things you're talking about too is following what life is showing you.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: When an opportunity is presented,
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: giving yourself that gut check, whether it's aligned or not, making a decision.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: It might be the wrong way,
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: but maybe Maybe you need to learn something down that road so that you can turn
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: the right way.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people talk about being stuck.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: You're always deciding.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you're deciding to be stuck, that's a decision too.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: The best way to get unstuck, like you said, is movement.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: Take action.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: Any action.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's no right or wrong, right?
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're all on our own journey,
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: but at the end of the day,
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: what is it that you really want to accomplish and what's holding you back?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's as simple as those two questions.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have any advice for someone who wants to do something big like you are
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: with starting your own conference and writing a book?
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I guess you could do both of those.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I have a ton of advice.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: One is this.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel called to write a book, then you will write a book.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think that a lot of the times we get stuck on, well,
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: how's it going to get published and what's this and what's the cost and how much?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you're going to get to all of that.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: The hardest part is literally writing it.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: So just write it.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Commit.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Can you commit?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can you go home?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can you commit to writing an hour a day?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: Get it out of you, right?
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: You will work everything else out after it's done.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's a million options now on how to get your book out there.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can self-publish.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can upload a Kindle.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can get a book deal.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many ways to get it out now that it's not for you to Worry
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: about all those things because if you do, it's going to stop you from even starting.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Great advice.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's like 90% of people want to write a book and only 2% ever do.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: Those are some good stats.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's really interesting.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely think that's great advice for writing your first book.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: And what about the conference?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think there are a lot of women who want to be in community with other business people.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: There are a lot of ways to do that.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: But if somebody is interested in doing something big like you are,
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: do you have any advice for them?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I would say is start small.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think it can be very overwhelming to be like, I'm going to do a national conference.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's so overwhelming.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not how I started.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you start with hosting?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I used to do all the time.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: I would host dinners at my house for 40 people twice or three times a year.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Can you do that?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can you host and make it even smaller?
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Can you invite five people over?
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Can you invite 10 people over for a small women's dinner at your house?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Make it so easy, so simple that if you don't do it, you're never gonna get to step 12.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it goes back to like 10Xing something.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to start a national women's conference, that's amazing.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I would start with step one.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: Invite people over to your house,
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: to someone else's house and get to know a community,
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: get to build relationships because a national conference doesn't take off
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: without relationships.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's 100%.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: How are you going to even invite speakers or get speakers or have conversations
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: and build Q&A questions if you don't even know the women in your town or
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: if you don't know what they're going through?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have to really start from ground zero.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's my best advice is make it small and start small and then work your way up.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Terrific advice.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if someone would like to work with you,
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Alexis, or find your book, what's the best place to find it?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: What's your social, your websites?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: My website is just alexismorello.com.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can find me on Instagram at just alexismorello,
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: or you can find our national women's conference called The Business of Her
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: on Instagram, just at businessofher.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: We have links to my book,
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: but my book is available on Amazon,
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: target.com, Barnes & Noble, Porchlight, all the things.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: The book is called Getting You Ready for Power,
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: and it is a self-help book for all women looking to take that next step
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: in their life, whatever that may be.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: And what if we want to attend your conference?
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: When is it?
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you get tickets, et cetera?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Tickets are on businessofher.com.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: They also will be available on Eventbrite.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: They'll be dropping in September and the conference is November 14th.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: And where
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: is it?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: In Las Vegas.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we end each episode with this very important question.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Alexis, how do you take your coffee?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, right now iced.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want it iced.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go to Dutch Bros.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want somebody to make it for me.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I want it to have sweet cream.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's my go-to.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I love this question.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm a coffee-aholic.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: Good choice.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: I approve it.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for being on Jennifer with Coffee, Alexis.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's been such a pleasure speaking with you.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Bye, guys.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Today's three breaths are going to be about our next version.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: So what I'd like to do is when we breathe in,
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: we're going to breathe in our newest version,
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: our next version of ourselves, our highest good.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're going to breathe out the old version of ourselves.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: So let these breaths breathe in your newest version, your next level, breathe out the past.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: And let's take that first inhale, breathing in the next version of you.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: And exhale, any old energy, exhale the old breath.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Inhale, expanding the stomach for this second breath,
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: allowing the new version breath to reach into all the new spaces.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: And exhale, allowing the old version to slip away.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: And one last breath in, breathing in the new vital oxygen.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: we'll exhale slow, get every last bit of the old air out.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: May you go forth into your day thinking of that new higher version of yourself.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: Be well.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Jennifer with Coffee.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: Follow us on Instagram at jenniferwithcoffee and on Substack.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a Kings of Content production.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: Music by Oreo CC.