Latest / The Road Doc Podcast / Financial & Emotional Responsibilities in Families

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Financial & Emotional Responsibilities in Families · The Road Doc Podcast

0:01
In families, money is rarely just money and emotions are
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rarely just emotions. How many of you are in this
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situation? Let's deep dive into it.
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Hi, good day everyone. This is Doctor Mukul.
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Welcome to the Roadhog broadcast.
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And in this episode, we are going to talk about the hot
0:45
topic, financial and emotional responsibilities in families.
0:56
OK, I gotta tell, this is kinda pinching movement for everyone
1:04
for sure. No matter who you are and what
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you are, this is kind of a sensitive and everything.
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It might hit her now. So I'm cautioning you all to
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take your time. So yes, let's go deep dive into
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it. Let's talk about financial
1:31
responsibility. What's actually healthy versus
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what's actually toxic, shall we? Mostly financial
1:48
responsibilities doesn't actually means like it's a
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lifelong dependency on your families on a most part because
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the moment child grows into an adult right family naturally and
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generally tends and expects everything from their children,
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which is not a bad thing to start with.
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But that should not be like an obligation, especially when if
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you are a parent and you have your own financial thing, then
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definitely you should not rely on your kids in the 1st place.
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Because if your kids are in your 20s and justice beginning to
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make something, then you should wait.
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Like I mean if you are, if you do not have any other way except
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only your kid is gonna do like you are in a different and
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difficult situations like any emergencies etcetera, etcetera,
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then that is a whole different scenario.
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But if you are fully capable, no health issues, nothing
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whatsoever, you are making good amount of money yet your kids
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are making just bare minimum trying to survive and you as a
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parent still expect something from your children is actually
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what becomes toxic. I know, I know I know because I
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have in my own relatives and families and my friend circle
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and so on and so forth. I see this pattern and they have
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came to me and complained me about many many times.
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Like they will be like dude my parents are making good amount
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of money but they refuse to help me one bit.
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The reasons unknown, they just lie, lie, lie, whatever you ask
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them even for a help in emergencies, keep on lying,
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manipulating gas lighting, but the help will not arrive no
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matter what. And I was like, what is it?
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Like you, I mean, being a parent, you are actually trying
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to plan a revenge on your own kids.
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But what's what's happening? I think at this point these
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people definitely needs to be in therapy.
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I mean, what is the whole point you're like you're trying to
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make? I mean in general situations
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fine. For example, let's take
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hypothetically they started a business etcetera, etcetera and
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they have lost everything and they gain for your help in that
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situations as a family. If you take care, then when you
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have a problem they will take care too.
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Because no matter what you did in the past, in the past, now
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when you come to the future and future becomes the present and
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you are fully capable of helping out, but you are deciding to not
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to help out purely out of ego or control or power dynamics.
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That's a toxic family right there, right there.
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What will a healthy family will do?
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Healthy family will step in even without asking whether they
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might need help or not. They will step in right away and
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then do their very best to help them out in that situations.
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Because if you help them today when they are going through some
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difficult situations, that will come back to you in a ways you
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will not even imagine. But I think these days parents
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are becoming naive in so many facts.
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And also I mean this goes both ways.
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By the way, I am not just blaming parents or children,
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even sometimes kids goes naive in a different ways.
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Like that is what, you know, the thing with healthy families and
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toxic families, like we talked in the before episodes, the plan
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is kind of a revenge kind of a thing because they are eagerly
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waiting for their own kids or their own parents downfall so
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that they can show them their or, you know, I don't know, pure
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ego speaking here. And I have heard this so many
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times. Parents, it's basically use this
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line a lot. I provided you everything so far
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to you, which means I have full authority to own your decisions.
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That's the most funniest part. Parents you need to keep in mind
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which see everything I am saying it also applies to me as well
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One day if I become a parent, it applies to me as well.
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If your kid is about 2025 plus and you are still expecting your
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kid to listen to you, that's a problem right there.
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I mean just listening is fine, but if they don't follow your
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own footsteps then you have a problem.
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Because see, whether you are a parent, children or kid,
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everybody is a human being. Nobody knows what's going on,
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nobody knows how things actually works until they try it out.
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As a parent, you have the instinct to protect your child.
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Like I get that, but at some point you should not try to
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control every decision they are going to make.
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Because what happens is the more you try to control, which means
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you are taking away the autonomy to live their life at their own
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pace. Because for your kids,
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especially when they are in their 20s, it is very, very
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important for them to actually explore, fail, lose, gain.
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All these things shapes them, reshapes them and the learn from
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their experience. All these things happens in
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their 20s and if trying to impact their decisions one way
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or another it doesn't work that way.
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I mean see we are all human beings I'm not blaming anyone we
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all make mistakes that can repair and child anyone get that
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point. But you need to understand just
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because you provide to your children that, that doesn't
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means you own their decisions after certain point.
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Because they have to make their own decisions, they have to face
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their own consequences. They have to be responsible on
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their own. And I know in most Asian
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countries I have recent trips to Thailand and Malaysia.
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So I have talked with many people in during my travel and I
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would like to share this story. This is probably super crazy.
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This happened in Thailand, alright?
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They were Filipinos right? I was actually coming back to
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India from Thailand. So at that point of time I met 2
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Filipinos. They were like standing in front
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of the flight schedule looking for the flight.
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Every flight is on the board, but the flight was not there.
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And then I was just standing there.
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They asked for like, how is your Excuse me?
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Can you please help us out? I am like, you know the accent,
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right? I said Filipino.
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They are like, yeah. And then we had like
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conversation. I am like I was, I know
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Philippines and such a great country and, and I started
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speaking their language and they were like, but how, how are you
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able to speak our language? And we had like even intense
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discussions and they said you, you are so crazy.
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Like how many languages you know?
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Like how do you do all these things and so on and so forth,
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keeping all these things apart, coming to the point and the main
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question they asked while you were actually in Cebu, you were
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far away from your own parents and family and etc.
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How are you able to do that? I mean, not just you, I have
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seen other people through they are able to do that, pull it
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out. And man, I cannot be away from
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my family for even few months. How are you able to pull it off?
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Like how, why, what, what's going on?
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Let's tell us the secret how you are able to do that and so on
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and so forth. And then I told them like see in
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life, no one and nothing is constant.
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I know even if you love your family, even if you love your
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kids, your mom, your dad, your brother, sisters, nothing,
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nothing's gonna be there at the end.
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At some time, you will end up alone.
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It's just a matter of time whether for some people it's
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going to be early on, some people it's going to be later
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on. Because death is inevitable at
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any given point of time to anyone.
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It doesn't care whether you are 60 year old, whether you are 6
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year old, whether you are 6 month old Oregon, whether you
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are just born like 6 minutes. It doesn't care.
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It doesn't care. Death doesn't care how many
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titles you have in front of your name, how much of money you have
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in your bank account, nothing. So basically what I am trying to
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say is you have to, at some point you have to take that
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autonomy completely to your hands.
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Not because you hate someone else or anything, because life
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will try to teach you everything along the way whether you like
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it or not. Like I said, hypothetically
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think like this, you don't have any family, just as imagine you
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just born, came to this world, grew up and you are now doing
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OK. Let's just say you still grew
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up, right? Even though you have difficult
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situations and etcetera, etcetera, but still grew up, but
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the path is very difficult. Sure.
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I completely understand. Very unfair.
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True. For many people, kind of a
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similar situation. Let's just say like they want
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something in their life. Further, there will be some
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sacrifices. And in order for that, for some
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people, they have to leave their families and move far, far, far
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away from them. Not because they hate them or
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anything, because that's the process there.
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You gotta go as far as it takes. Life takes you there and shapes
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you, reshapes you. You will become.
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And I told them like, yeah, yes, I had my fair share of ups and
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downs along the way. And every time things happens,
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ups and downs and all those things, I would not like all all
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my family members and tell every problem I have in the world, you
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know, whatever comes, whatever it may be, I will face it and
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race it. That's it.
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It might be sometimes very not so convenient.
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Sometimes it might be happy moments.
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It doesn't matter. I simply told like whoever you
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are seeing right now is the person responsible for whatever
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he wanted to become, even for the people.
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Now everything. I will give a core example.
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I am doing this podcast from almost May 2025 or June 2025
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until now. How many people do you think
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actually supports me? Everybody thought I am so crazy
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and adventurous. Like, do you have a good job and
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you had everything? Like why are you trying to
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deviate from that path and trying to why?
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You had a very comfortable life and you had everything.
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Like why, why, why? You built everything.
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You had great job, you had everything.
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Why ever want to screw it up and do something like this?
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I mean, why, why? And then I simply told one
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thing. I know I had a great life.
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I know I experienced it far more things than anyone can imagine.
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Like I truly tell you guys, like very engaged.
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I have privilege of exploring so many things, testing out,
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failing about in so many things and then standing up and then
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doing it again and then so on and so forth.
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And the person you are seeing in front of this camera, Doctor
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Mukund purely built on rolling himself.
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I am basically self-made kind of a guy and that's how I came till
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here. At every phase of life, you face
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it. Whether you like it or not, you
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face it, you will learn from it, you gain wisdom from it and then
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you become the best version of yourself at every phase of life.
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Now I told you why did you live your comfortable life part very
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simple, if you want to upgrade from your current life to
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something better then you have to let go of all the old things.
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Old patterns so-called safe becomes instantly the threat to
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your nervous system and also to your life.
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Because growth doesn't exist when you are very comfortable at
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where you are. Because my mind is like always
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running towards growth part, like my thoughts, my patterns,
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my thinking. Everything is like you are true.
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You will have you might need to lose everything that kept you
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safe. Sure.
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In life, everything is temporary.
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You gain nothing, you lose nothing.
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It's just a flow of time. You will go through like every
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other human being. So there you go.
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You have to accept it. That's the problem with people
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have this attachment to their identity, which I don't.
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That's the thing. They are like stick to their
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identity. Like for example, if you are an
19:28
actor, they will be like one failure.
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They comes in like, Oh my God, my life is over, career is over.
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It's just a phase, like if you are a doctor, same thing, if you
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are a painter, same thing. If you are editor, same thing,
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photographer, same thing. No matter what role you are,
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that's just what you do for living.
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That's I'm still a doctor, but I just preferred a different route
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to do things that's all. Like.
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You can go back to the same old path whenever you want.
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It is still open. But the point is, if you want
20:13
something better in life, you have to face it.
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It will get very uncomfortable, it will get very disturbing, and
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it will reveal so many things about yourself.
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You are, you know, like your highest points, lowest points,
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your thresholds of going through the process.
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You will basically find a new you that comes from within.
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And in order for that to come and come out the process, you
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gotta go through process, bro. So there is in life, there is no
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escapism. There is no Oh yeah, there is.
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I took a shortcut thing that doesn't exist.
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We all think that it does. You will come to a stage where
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you will understand that everyone will pay a price that
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may not be in terms of money, to be precise.
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It might be mental health, it might be a loss of family
21:28
members. It might be loss of money, it
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might be loss of relationships, it might be loss of friends, it
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might be so on and so forth, like plus of pet, etcetera,
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etcetera. So you will definitely lose
21:45
everything you had. That comfort thing will go away
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at some point. That's that's the thing, like
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most people want to be at comfort zones for long periods
21:58
of time. Like I said.
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Like I used, you tell this all the time that the only one thing
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in life that is constant is change.
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Whether we like. It or not, whether we agree it
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or not, that's the only thing that's gonna be constant in life
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and we have to be prepared no matter what sometimes.
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We go. Through good times, sometimes we
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go through bad times, sometimes we go through greatest of times,
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worst of times, Everything happens and everything is
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interlinked at the same time and everything happens here.
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That's the craziest. Part and everything happens here
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and also the out world. So that's fine.
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Like I will give another example, just because you are a
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doctor that doesn't mean you won't get any health problems.
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You are human being too if you don't take care of you.
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You will also end. Up as a patient.
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Same goes with whoever you are, whatever profession you are
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doing if you don't take care of your health.
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So something like. That even sometimes you do take
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care of everything, still sometimes things go wrong, isn't
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it? I'll give one more example.
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You're going on a car, right? Take that as an example of a
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motorcycle or whatever you call it.
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You're going on road and thinking that you'll be safe.
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You know if I tell you the probability of you being safe is
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less than? 1% do you still?
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Go step out and go on the road. No right, but.
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Yeah, but every single day. We do go out.
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No matter what. Which means we are willing to
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take the risk of losing our own lives at some point.
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That's we are taking that subconsciously every single day.
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Your life decision, you are taking it subconsciously because
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you are a good citizen. You, you are going, you are
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doing everything right by the book, but someone else didn't.
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They just hit you up. You can end up in hospital no
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matter what if you are lucky. If you are unlucky, you might
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not even end up in hospital too. That is also there.
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See the risk to safety proportion and no one knows when
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and how these things happens. That's the crazy part.
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We don't have like eternal time here on this earth.
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We are all like travelers. That's why I like travel because
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travelling always reminds one thing that we are just enjoying
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the flow of time that includes everything.
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Now the people only want the good part of travelling, like
25:18
the scenery, the good things and stuff.
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But. It doesn't.
25:22
Always roll that way that you need to keep in mind that
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things. Some things are in.
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Our control, rest of the things are not.
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That's my point. Now coming back to our thing,
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adult children are not retirement plans.
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Parents, you need to understand this very very clearly before
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you want to have children, because no one that can tell
25:57
this or no one knows. Not because your children want
26:01
to abandon you or anything. Nobody knows.
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What will happen? And if you have.
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This core intention in your mind that your children will take
26:13
care of you, that's why I am having children.
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That's a wrong thing to have in the 1st place.
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You should always keep in mind that I wanted children, so I had
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children. That's it.
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Other than that, you should not have have in mind like my
26:33
children and my retirement plan and so on and so forth because
26:37
these days, you know self-explanatory.
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Your kids, jobs or lives are not the same as before.
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And so on and so forth. So we cannot blame.
26:52
Anyone but the core concept of having that can be hurting 2
26:58
parents as well, I know. And the other.
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One, this is the biggest one. They use money as a.
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Leverage. Point punishment, Emotional
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blackmailing thing. Most parents trust that even
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today even the kids are like getting old like they never.
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I don't know why, but money holds such a great power
27:29
through. But just imagine.
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If the power changes. It can.
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At some point. Because people.
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Might think money is the ultimate thing for everything.
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Sorry to disappoint you. There are certain things even
27:50
money can't buy. Like at this point.
27:56
Of time. If your brain is damaged for
27:58
whatever reason, there is only certain part after that you
28:04
cannot recover. Anything gone is gone, gone
28:07
forever, no matter how much money you have in your bank
28:10
account. They call brain dead.
28:14
So. Even though rest of.
28:16
Your body is fully functioning and now once are fully working
28:20
still. Brain dead is brain.
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Dead. That's it.
28:27
I do. Respect money a lot, sure.
28:31
But keep that in. Mind.
28:41
All I am trying. To say here is helping in
28:44
crisis, whoever they are is very healthy, either parent or
28:49
children, Whoever in the crisis, if you help them without
28:53
expecting anything is a healthy thing.
28:56
But if you expect something from your kids in return for that
29:02
help, that's when it immediately turns like a transactional and
29:07
it turns like a business thing. The moment it turns like a
29:10
business thing, that becomes instantly toxic because you will
29:14
start calculating in your head. That's very, very.
29:19
Wrong thing. And you know.
29:22
People, if you talk to people in hospitals, which I do and the
29:26
most of the time and you I ask them, some people are willing to
29:32
spend everything on their parents like please save my dad,
29:36
no matter how much money I will pay no problem.
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The same in a different scenario.
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Now. If they want to die, let them
29:45
die. I don't want to spend my money.
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Both things exist at the same time.
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I saw that in hospitals many many times.
29:56
So. Many times.
29:57
Like. Craziest amount of times both do
30:03
exist. And how this opinion forms is
30:07
this single line. Like I said, I will repeat this.
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This is the balanced truth you need to understand helping.
30:14
In crisis is very. Healthy but if.
30:20
You are expecting something. In return becomes very toxic
30:23
because some parents have this narcissistic behaviour they
30:27
intentionally push their kid to unhealthy kind of a situation
30:34
intentionally and they will pretend like they are helping
30:38
their own children and they. Think that.
30:42
They did not notice and. That turns.
30:45
Into a toxic pattern right away. Let that sink in.
30:52
For a while. Because truth be told, in a
30:58
ways, we do not even think this can be possibility.
31:03
But trust me people, you know nothing about possibilities when
31:08
it comes to so many things, and I do believe there is no such
31:13
thing as impossible things. If you focus and.
31:18
If you put efforts into it, you can achieve it, but not at
31:21
whatever time you expected. But it does.
31:27
So think, think guys. Think, think.
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My goal here is to make you all think deeper.
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That's why I am going through all these things for a reason.
31:44
So take your time and think. Let's move on to.
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The invisible burden thing. The great emotional.
32:07
See your children. Carries unresolved trauma,
32:12
loneliness, expectations, emotional dumping, masking as a
32:17
family bonding killed phrases like after all we done this is
32:23
particularly the parents use we sacrificed everything.
32:30
See you need to. Understand after crossing
32:32
certain ages like it works for both parents as well as.
32:38
Your children after your children cross.
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A certain age point. You are not responsible for your
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emotions. I mean, sorry about.
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That you are not responsible for other people's emotions.
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You are only responsible for your emotions.
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Just because you are in 20s that doesn't mean every emotion you
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are carrying. Your parent needs to understand
33:08
that same way you go with vice versa, so you are.
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Only responsible for. Your emotions, not everyone
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else's. Comfort.
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Keep that in mind, but that sink in because now that's why the
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problems actually arising so far cultural layers.
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Let's talk about this because since I have different different
33:42
I have experienced different, different cultures earlier on
33:47
while travelling and throughout my life.
33:50
I'll tell you something from my personal experiences, most Asian
33:56
families, how they deal with these kind of things and how
34:00
western people deal and so on and so forth, or other country
34:04
people deal and so on and so forth.
34:07
Mostly Asian peoples. We Asians, we are like what will
34:11
other thing right? What will society think?
34:16
What will this guy think? What will that guy think?
34:19
Trust me, nobody thinks anything.
34:21
Your life is just nothing but a cosmic dust in next World.
34:26
You are worrying about something very useless at this point.
34:33
Respect should. Never require self apartment no
34:39
matter what. You know that is why.
34:44
If you go to, you know, some Western countries or some other
34:50
places, they don't care that they just have, they just
34:56
communicate. No matter who you are, what you
34:58
are, they will be very respectful just because you.
35:01
Are just a human. Being they just exchange warm
35:04
wishes even though you are walking in the sideways and so
35:08
on and so forth. That's very nice to know.
35:14
That should be like a good. Thing we can learn from each
35:17
other rather than ripping apart, right?
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All I'm trying to say. Is every culture has their ups
35:26
and downs. We can learn from cross cultures
35:30
the good things that they have and we can implement in our
35:33
thing. That's all I'm trying to say and
35:36
every cultures has. Those variations will be.
35:45
There, no matter what, we try to sugarcoat this, but take what's
35:50
good, what's not so good. Compare it.
35:55
Take the good from it. Leave the bad aside.
35:58
That's all. Let's just become a better
36:01
version of ourselves. That's fine.
36:07
Let's move on to the boundaries. Where?
36:12
Boundaries, actually. Begin right.
36:17
We need to have. A practical clarity.
36:21
About certain. Things like.
36:24
Financial boundaries. Doesn't.
36:27
Mean. Lack of love, both parents.
36:31
And children needs to. Sit down and talk and sort this
36:33
thing. Just because your parent did not
36:37
help or your kid did not help at the thing, that doesn't mean
36:40
they don't love you. They still love you, but at a
36:43
different aspect. Emotional boundaries.
36:49
That doesn't mean coldness either, because.
36:52
After certain. Point either your parents or
36:55
your kids will drift apart that support of evolution and both of
37:01
them. Grow apart.
37:02
That's the process. And also saying no to certain
37:08
certain things is not a betrayal to your family.
37:12
They just have different priorities in life, that's all.
37:17
You got to understand that, like both parties need to understand
37:21
these things. Like just because your kids said
37:24
no or your parents said no, that doesn't mean they hate you or
37:28
they. They just said no.
37:32
To that aspect of thing, not to everything.
37:38
And also the final. One, being independent doesn't
37:42
mean disrespect. Responsibilities will.
37:47
Shift with age. Support.
37:52
Should decrease but not tighten over the time you know.
37:59
That's the. Thing I want to convey here.
38:07
And. From I want to give something I
38:11
have observed so far, people get confused, you know in this
38:16
family dynamics like if you say no to certain family member,
38:21
they might think oh come on, they betrayed our family and so
38:24
on and so forth all these. Things are, you know.
38:27
Deeper to understand and deeper to navigate because these are
38:30
very, very, very, very, very, very sensitive things to
38:33
navigate through and they definitely takes a lot of time
38:38
for understanding and these are not a quick fix, guys.
38:42
Keep that in mind. These things and months to years
38:48
of internal work and that's why we can give the time.
38:56
Time does the thing and effort to just not time alone, but
39:03
consistent efforts towards. Everything that they.
39:08
Want to do will. Eventually.
39:11
Resolve those things. That's all I'm planning to say.
39:17
OK Finally, I want to close this episode by saying family.
39:22
Families thrive not when everyone is dependent, but when
39:27
everyone is responsible for themselves first.
39:32
Keep that in mind. So.
39:36
I. Would like to invite all of you
39:41
to to reflect, rather to react to everything.
39:49
Take your time to. Understand everything rather to
39:53
impulsively react to everything that's going on.
39:58
South that you can. Understand everything that is
40:02
going on with your parents if you are a kid.
40:08
Or if you are kid with your, vice versa and so on.
40:14
South don't. Jump to conclusions.
40:16
We are trying to navigate and go through this, not against anyone
40:21
here. Keep that in mind.
40:24
Don't take it as a wrong message here.
40:27
So. I hope you all.
40:31
Understand what I am trying to tell in this episode?
40:35
Let's just. Keep it very positive.
40:40
Try to understand at deeper levels as much as we can and.
40:49
That's it from this. Episode I'm Doctor Mukun.
40:54
I'll catch you up in. The next one.
40:56
Until then, take care. Peace.