Latest / overslept w/ chris laker / free tickets to the sphere - oct 25 2026
Transcript
- Chris Laker: I lost the Stub Hub game twice last night. I think that's my problem. didn't focus on one. I was playing two. The Stub Hub game is when you wait for the last minute, hoping tickets drop really low and you swoop in. Now you're going to the concert for a reasonable price, looking at all the suckers who paid full face value, saying, should have waited. I waited too long. There's a point sometimes where it's feels like, it's gonna go down a little bit more in a minute. people swoop in, grab those tickets, then the price shoots up on the rest of them. And I don't know if they even get bought. There was a ticket on sale for my chemical romance that was like twenty thousand dollars, I wanna say. it was definitely five digits. I don't know who's paying that. got cocky because recently I won Stub Hub Game with Jack White at the Palladium. didn't exactly win. I could have saved another ten bucks if I waited just a little bit longer, but I pulled the trigger at seventy-five dollars. And those tickets cost more than that. I'm assuming these are all tickets bought by resellers planning on reselling, not like I was gonna go and now I can't go. So I want them to lose money on the transaction. a little bit before the concert would start on both of those tickets were insane. And I said, I'm not going. I will try again for my chemical romance on the thirtieth. Anybody got a hookup at the Hollywood Bowl for the last two My Chemical Romance shows? Yeah. Come on. Obviously you hook me up. If you hook me up, I give you lifetime free Substack access, which gives you nothing extra right now, but eventually it will. You get in early. You got free access for life. And when I perform the Hollywood Bowl, you got front row seats. You got to hook up at the Hollywood bowl. Maybe you don't need that. I guarantee nobody's got the hook up. But I'm asking just in case. And this is the only time I'm doing it. I'm not gonna ask every concert I want to go to, I'm not asking I'm not asking to go see Metallica at the sphere. I don't care to see them at the sphere. There's something about the sphere, I'm not interested. And Metallica Not saying I didn't love Metallica when I was in middle school, high school, loved Metallica and saw Metallica then, so I don't need to now, and definitely not at the sphere. what I understood of Metallica when I was at that age, and listening to Injustice for All, Ride the Lightning, Master of the Puppets, They were not like the most political band, but they were not apolitical. Now they're apolitical which makes it political. When you're stating that you're apolitical, pretty political and sort of pro-Trump. If you go out of your way now and say, I'm a political, you're Saying you're pro-Trump. In my opinion, Yeah, so I don't care. I've never been to Las Vegas and don't care to go. I've not gone to Las Vegas for so long that it's become the goal to not go. I would perform there. I would perform in this sphere. I'm gonna be the first comedian to perform in the sphere. if one of you can hook me up at the Hollywood bowl for my chemical romance, and I'm just saying in the bowl. I don't care last row, whatever. That's hook up. I don't expect good seats. I don't expect anything. if you get it so I can go to that show. When I perform at the sphere in Las Vegas, you got free tickets. every show, the whole residency. Because I'm gonna have to do multiple shows. wherever you want to sit, I don't know the best place to sit. You don't want to sit on the floor, you wanna be up high, which is weird. But stand up in the sphere I'm gonna make it. A whole nother experience. And the tickets are going to cost a thousand dollars. So that is really a good deal. five shows minimum that I'm going to be doing. You can go to all of them. And a plus one. Of course, you bring a friend. Plus two, come on. That's asking too much. you take care of your own travel. That goes without saying. Hotel room and All right. If you're flying from LA, I'll take care of the airfare. okay, if you hook me up at the Hollywood Bowl for my chemical romance, which none of you will, but I'm saying if you do, when, and I say when, this is not an if situation. This is inevitable. This will happen. When I am performing at the sphere, I will fly you there. I will put you up in a moderately priced hotel. A decent place. We're not talking a suite. Okay. You're gonna get the double whatever. the one up from the bottom we gotta set up some parameters here. I don't know Vegas, so I can't name this place. New York, New York, don't know if that's a good place. Paris. I don't know. Toronto? Do they have a Toronto themed casino? I would put you up there. Is every casino themed after a city? Baltimore. somebody should open up the Baltimore themed casino and resort. it's a nice city. John Waters is from there. the band turnstiles from there. There's two things right there. You got that Cake Boss, one of those Cake Boss shows was based there. wire was filmed there. so that's the deal I'm putting out there. it's a good it's a good deal. I don't have the deal locked in for the sphere. So there is a chance it doesn't happen. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. in my mind, it has happened. So that makes it inevitable, according to Dr. Joe Dispenza. I don't know what his doctorate is in. I think it's positive thinking. He's got an MD in positive thinking he says a lot of good stuff that I have thought I followed, but apparently didn't, because I did not get the success that I envisioned according to his science. If this sounds like I'm anti Joe Dispenza, you're wrong. I am still pro Joe Dispenza I am not kidding. I did something wrong. still got some self doubt. Still have some fear of success and fear of failure. They're both the same fucking thing. Fear of success is fear of failure, vice versa. That is that is what I've learned from having it for my entire career. it's paralyzing. I'm also lazy. not discount the laziness. yeah, don't worry about the Hollywood Bowl thing. Forget it. I don't go to the concert. It's fine. I'm gonna be too busy that day anyway. with this show, marathon training, writing, other creative pursuits. I gotta draw. Every day I draw a drawing for this show when I put the transcript of the episode on Substack. That's a reason to join Substack for free. Just join it for free. Don't pay. Unless you wanna pay. If you wanna pay, fine. But that is a completely voluntary situation. Eventually there'll be extras for the for the paid people. It just I can't get to it right now. you will get an email daily with the post of the transcript, links to the video, and a drawing which is bad. I do it as quickly as possible. Every once in a while I put a little extra 'cause I have an idea I'm not good at drawing but I like to do it I wanted the post to have an image I'm not grabbing stuff off the internet or using AI to make the image. So I just drawing has become the easiest way to do it. wow, I have babbled for a long fucking time. It's Sunday. I'm just talking. I'm just saying whatever. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't really expect anybody to help me with concert tickets. I am gonna play the sphere. I will. this is what I'll do for you. When I play this fear, the people who are watching, listening to this, reading it, however you experience this show, you're doing if you're doing that today, or let's say within the next three days, it's the twenty-fifth. So if by the twenty eighth, you are listening, watching, reading, and you want tickets to see me at the sphere, You subscribe to the Substack for free comment on this post, the transcript with the drawing. You comment on the post I'll have I'll have your email address or something. I'll figure it out. Just comment on there. Comment something referring to the sphere, I'll hook you up when that happens. I will put you on a list. And you got it. it's gonna be a big show. that's all you gotta do. That's not a big deal. if you get annoyed by the emails or something and you unsubscribe, you're still ho you're still in there. So that's a that's a good deal for that's a good deal for everybody. So now I'm giving away the sphere tickets. So the Hollywood ball hookup seems less of a big deal for the sphere. you're getting hotel and airfare. that's a big that's that's a lot big. And you're going to every show. Two tickets to every show. Let's up it to three. Okay, you get a plus two now, if the Hollywood Bowl hookup and the other people, they get two tickets to one show, no travel, no hotel accommodations. That's a that's a good deal. I'm gonna get to the news now. Twelve injured, including several minors in shooting near Florida A University Stadium. Another mass shooting, very popular in the United States. It is a trend that does not slow down. The popular music has changed, fashion has changed, the jeans go from tight to loose. soon they'll tighten up again. Mass shootings remain very popular and just happening all the time. This one in Florida, don't know if it's a planned mass shooting or an argument, people start pulling out guns. Florida's one of those states where I could just walk in and buy a gun, no background check. It's your God given right people get into arguments. Sometimes they're driving with their children they start shooting at each other because why not? You got a gun, somebody's making you mad. deadly force. so twelve injured sounds like nobody died as of yet. That's positive. gotta be all negative about mass shootings. 12 injured, including several minors. Does the age really matter here when you get shot? They give priority to the young people if I get hit with a bullet doesn't hurt as much as somebody who's a teenager? It hurts just as much. Maybe more. I don't know if anybody is in critical condition. Thoughts and prayers. Prayers and thoughts. Lots of thoughts. Lots of prayers. to even say thoughts and prayers is the hackiest thing now, what else can you do? I'm sure somebody in earnest in response to this mass shooting said thoughts and prayers. There should be thoughts. There should be prayers. I'm thinking and praying right now. a little extra for the young people. You pray and think of them first. You do it in age order. that's the proper way to handle a mass shooting. After the fact, what can you do now? I'm sorry. we change the gun laws? Is that going to make that mass shooting not have happened? No. Can't turn back the clock. Not yet anyway. That's what people should be working on. Time travel. Instead of trying to take away people's guns, solve time travel. Then when there's a mass shooting, you go back in time and you stop it. Everybody gets to keep their guns. Mass shootings end because of time travel. I could run for president and I say, we're gonna solve time travel, I guarantee it. the same way Kennedy said, we're gonna go to the moon. we're gonna go back to the future No one's going to promise anything better than time travel. maybe teleportation. if you had to choose between time travel and teleportation, I think you still got pick time travel. Teleportation is pretty good, though. You could just walk through a portal and then be anywhere. you want to go to Europe. Boom. You're there. no more air travel, all teleportation. All the airports get turned into teleportation ports. you don't even have to go through a metal detector because what? You're just going to the next place. Maybe I gotta run on teleportation. Now I'm gonna run on time travel. somebody's working on it in the government. What do you want China to get the time travel first? You better be working on it somewhere there in the government, in a basement. where nobody knows what's going on and don't let anybody know what's going on. Or did Doge cut the funding to the time travel Once again, thoughts and prayers. you didn't do it yet, do it now. Thoughts and prayers. 167,000 Michiganders no longer getting food benefits after changes to Snap. A lot of those people have to be children. being hungry, that is worse than being adult being hungry is a a kid being hungry. When I'm hungry, it's not as bad as when a kid is hungry. Sorry, kids, billionaires pay too much in taxes, and you don't want that just because you don't have food. Maybe you're a billionaire one day. Right now you're hungry, but maybe one day you're a billionaire. And you say, I'm glad I was hungry then. Now I pay less in taxes. New York's archdiocese and survivors of clergy abuse agreed a eight hundred million dollar legal settlement. Eight hundred million dollars, that's probably five bucks a victim after the lawyers take their cut, probably about two bucks. New York State woman charged with voting illegally says she recently learned she wasn't a citizen. Voter fraud, you see, there's a woman in New York who wasn't supposed to be voting. How many elections has that swayed? she didn't know she wasn't a citizen. I don't know how you don't know that. She didn't know that. She thought she could vote, she couldn't. How about now you can't vote anymore? how does this even make the news? This is like a not a a person voted who didn't who wasn't supposed to and they didn't know. that's a top news story. Volkswagen to build four billion dollar Audi SUV factory in the US despite job cuts at home. To build, they're saying they will build it. I'm sure it's in a state where they don't have unions is amazing that Volkswagen is a still a car company when it was started by Helmut Lange made the uniforms. He was a tailor. This company was started by Hitler himself, Volkswagen, and very popular. It should be a little bit of a stain on the company. no. Not to mention that fraud they did a little while back. I can't remember all the details of that, but it was big. they were lying about the emissions on their diesel cars. It was really bad. that combined with started by Hitler, still very popular, might be building a factory in the United States, maybe. fresh out of high school, this eighteen year old was just elected school board trustee in British Columbia's interior. Sure, why not? Sounds great. Young people should be in office. There should be a cutoff. It should be children of the corn. well, children of the corn that killed everybody who was over 18 in the town. The town was just run by kids. And it worked out for a little while. Don't kill everybody over 18. Not saying that. That would be crazy. You can't run for office. Let's up it. Not 18. when's your brain stop growing? 25? That's the cutoff. Once your brain stops growing, you can't hold office. if you're not growing, you're dying. All elected officials, 25 and younger, give it a shot. Right now they're all elderly and it's not great. I'm too old to hold office. That's fine. Even though I have this great time travel idea. Let the young people pick that up. Britt McHenry resigns from State Department job after basketball game altercation. She threw a drink on some dudes at a basketball game. she used to be an ESPN reporter. Now she works for the Trump administration. I'm guessing because she's a terrible person. You can only be so terrible at that level. To throw the drink on people at a basketball game, like a Pete Heggseth could throw a drink at somebody at a game, people would say that's great. He is being assertive. That was the problem. you gotta know your place on the ladder of asshole.