Latest / Relationship Talk Thursday / Turning Conflict Into Connection

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Turning Conflict Into Connection · Relationship Talk Thursday

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  Speaker 1: Inspiration thirteen ninety Family, I'm saying you, Blakey.
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  Speaker 2: I pray, like God, how can we make relationship talk
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  Speaker 2: Thursday happen again.
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  Speaker 1: We've had a great run with Pastor Ford and Love
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  Speaker 1: mc pherson, and now it's all about the Glenn's Pastor
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  Speaker 1: Jamone Glenn and Pastor Erica Glenn, who serve as executive
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  Speaker 1: pastors there at the New.
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  Speaker 2: Life with a Pastor Hannah. But they do more than that.
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  Speaker 1: You know, they've been married for about twenty years, they
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  Speaker 1: got three kids, and they write books. They write books,
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  Speaker 1: and so we're focusing in on their latest book, which
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  Speaker 1: is called Power Couples.
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  Speaker 2: You want to say anything to the audience, great, the
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  Speaker 2: audience of Jesus name Chicago. Hey, Chicago, Thank.
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  Speaker 3: You so much, Sia. We're on thirteen ninety Chicago, Sia, right,
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  Speaker 3: it's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: It is.
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  Speaker 1: So we want to talk about because we have some
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  Speaker 1: great questions, and we're also going to welcome more questions
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  Speaker 1: throughout the show. But I want to turn talk about
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  Speaker 1: turning conflict into connection because I've been married thirty years.
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  Speaker 2: Oh my god, yeah, like I know.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, and so even in our thirty years of marriage,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we've had conflict.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, we still do thirty years in. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: it happens.
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  Speaker 1: But let's talk about that conflict turning conflict into connection.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, the two shall become one.
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  Speaker 5: Right, that's conflict, Okay, that's I mean, and the two
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  Speaker 5: shall become one.
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  Speaker 3: It sounds sexy when you talk about having sex. It
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  Speaker 3: sounds beautiful at your wedding, but when it comes down
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  Speaker 3: to really two people becoming one person, there's some conflict
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  Speaker 3: that's going to be there. But just because there's conflict
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  Speaker 3: there does not mean there has to be disconnection. Conflict,
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  Speaker 3: we say, is an opportunity for intimacy. It's an opportunity
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  Speaker 3: for growth. It's an opportunity and all you're getting to
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  Speaker 3: get an understanding, right, It's an opportunity to give, to
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  Speaker 3: submit to one another, to have a perspective that you
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  Speaker 3: didn't have.
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  Speaker 4: Conflict is just a part of growth, part of marriage.
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  Speaker 5: And I think that people forget that their relationship, their marriage,
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  Speaker 5: is a living organism.
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  Speaker 2: That it is. It is alive and because it's.
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  Speaker 5: Alive, going to be you know, highs and lows and
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  Speaker 5: ins and outs, and you kind of have to go
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  Speaker 5: with the flow of it versus just like Okay, we
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  Speaker 5: got conflicts, so and I'm out.
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  Speaker 2: But it's like if you push, if you push.
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  Speaker 5: Into that conflict, you will see your spouse in a
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  Speaker 5: way that you've never seen them before. Because on the
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  Speaker 5: other side, based upon quote unquote, who is the person
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  Speaker 5: that brought the conflict, now they're receiving grace, and now
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  Speaker 5: you're able to be gracious, and now you're you know,
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  Speaker 5: you got you've got some depth in this now. And
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  Speaker 5: like I feel like with every quote unquote conflict, there's
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  Speaker 5: there's something that becomes deeper inside of your relationship and
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  Speaker 5: you can almost look back in your relationship and be like, man,
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  Speaker 5: we got through that, We got through that, and laugh
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  Speaker 5: on the other side that we were about to give up,
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  Speaker 5: and look look at us now, like what we have had?
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  Speaker 2: You know what is our friend? Uh? Jerry always talks
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  Speaker 2: about in regard say.
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  Speaker 4: Like if you married thirty years, like you right, and
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  Speaker 4: you had three or ten years even that was rough
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  Speaker 4: seven years, right, that was a right, he said, Then
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  Speaker 4: you had twenty three great years and seven hard years.
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  Speaker 4: You were ready to give up on the seven thinking
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  Speaker 4: that that was it, but it was seven difficult years,
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  Speaker 4: but you had twenty three great years on the other side,
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  Speaker 4: once you learn how to give and submit and learn
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  Speaker 4: the other side. So I think people give up too
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  Speaker 4: fast and conflict and don't look at it as a
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  Speaker 4: catalyst or an Opporticitiya.
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  Speaker 2: Good, real quick. Though.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of people, you know, they question, like, how
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  Speaker 1: do you are you able to stay married that long?
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  Speaker 1: Like you know, like back in the day was not
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  Speaker 1: a thing, and that I don't. I can't say that
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  Speaker 1: people stayed together as a healthy couple because you know,
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  Speaker 1: back in the day, people, it's still fifty years my
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  Speaker 1: parents fifty plus years.
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  Speaker 2: What do you think it is different between that generation
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  Speaker 2: in today's.
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  Speaker 3: All people give themselves an out, you know, And we
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  Speaker 3: always say it's such a horrible situation because the work
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  Speaker 3: that you have to do to get out of a relationship,
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  Speaker 3: heal yourself in the middle time, then go find somebody
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  Speaker 3: else and then build it back up.
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  Speaker 4: All that work.
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  Speaker 3: It's still work. You could have put all that work,
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  Speaker 3: all that effort into what you already have had. What
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  Speaker 3: they say, you're looking at the grass being green on
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  Speaker 3: the other side, a lot of your grass, right Why,
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  Speaker 3: it is the same effort, the same work. Relationships are work,
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  Speaker 3: So just deal with quick giving yourself out. Quit giving
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  Speaker 3: yourself an escape. Take that D word out of your house,
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  Speaker 3: out of your mouth. Life and death is in the
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  Speaker 3: power of your tongue. Watch what you say and figure
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  Speaker 3: out a way to grow together. Pick good, pick a
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  Speaker 3: pick a person, pick, make a good pic, right, make
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  Speaker 3: a good decision.
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  Speaker 4: I made a lot of mistakes, but I great good.
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  Speaker 4: I made a good pick.
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  Speaker 3: You understand, make a great pick, make a great decision,
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  Speaker 3: and then work within the context of your own decisions.
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  Speaker 4: Stick with it.
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  Speaker 3: The people give themselves an out, and then they realize
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  Speaker 3: when they get out that they could have just stated
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  Speaker 3: because then when they went to go, look, I would
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  Speaker 3: not want to be single in these I got prayers
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  Speaker 3: much respect for all my single people out there in
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  Speaker 3: these single streets.
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  Speaker 4: It's a lot happening out here in these single streets.
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  Speaker 4: I'm so glad.
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  Speaker 1: I'm I'm saying, we're gonna come back with the glens.
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  Speaker 2: That's Eric.
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  Speaker 1: We're talking about turning inflict into connection, and we got
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  Speaker 1: to talk about the other C word communication.
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  Speaker 4: Communication.
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  Speaker 2: That's how you do it.
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  Speaker 1: It's ration thirteen nineties relationships On Thursday, it's Sonya here
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  Speaker 1: with Pastordramone and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about turning
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  Speaker 1: conflict into connection.
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  Speaker 2: Do you have a question for our team?
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  Speaker 3: I do have a quick question, So, how do you
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  Speaker 3: keep from spiraling into resentment?
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  Speaker 1: How do you stop disagreements from spiraling into resentment?
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  Speaker 2: Is that what you're saying?
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  Speaker 3: Yes, that's a phenomenal question. I think the best way
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  Speaker 3: to do that is to deal with it.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 3: It's difficult sometimes to deal with it, especially if you're
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  Speaker 3: having a great season but you got something going on.
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  Speaker 3: But the longer that you keep it quiet, the more
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  Speaker 3: it turns into something greater. Right, it doesn't start off
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  Speaker 3: at resentment. It just probably started off as a disagreement
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  Speaker 3: that DAN turned into disappointment that DAN turns into resentment.
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  Speaker 3: So don't let it fester, right, create a comation set
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  Speaker 3: some parameters, have some boundaries and say hey, I really
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  Speaker 3: need to talk to you about something that we had
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  Speaker 3: a disagreement with so we can find.
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  Speaker 4: Peace as fast as.
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  Speaker 3: Possible because we don't want the disagreement to turn into resentment.
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  Speaker 4: What's you think?
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  Speaker 5: The other thing that I would say is to know
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  Speaker 5: that if you're having disagreements, it's not just one, but
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  Speaker 5: it's something that's continually to happen is that you have
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  Speaker 5: to make sure that your that your heart posture stays
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  Speaker 5: in a place of forgiveness. Like I tell my you know,
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  Speaker 5: I tell people your this is not your boyfriend, this
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  Speaker 5: is not your girlfriend, This is your husband, this is
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  Speaker 5: your wife.
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  Speaker 2: This is a covenant.
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  Speaker 5: This is something that is a little bit stronger, well
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  Speaker 5: greatly stronger than the relationship that you had before, previously
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  Speaker 5: in your relationship, and so you got to make sure
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  Speaker 5: that your heart posture is in a place knowing that
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  Speaker 5: your spouse is going is human. They're gonna make mistakes,
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  Speaker 5: They're going to do things. It's not going that you're
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  Speaker 5: gonna that you're not gonna like. And I remember I
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  Speaker 5: would tell my husband, you know, he would we would
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  Speaker 5: have a disagreement or he would have an expectation, and
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  Speaker 5: I just would look at him and I'd be like, dude, listen,
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  Speaker 5: it took me a long time to be this way, okay,
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  Speaker 5: And this is not going to happen in the next
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  Speaker 5: two years or even in the next year. I need
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  Speaker 5: you to wake up every single morning believing that this
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  Speaker 5: could be the day that I am going to do
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  Speaker 5: what you need me to do. But I need your
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  Speaker 5: heart to be in a place to be able to
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  Speaker 5: receive it and with your spouse. And I also let
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  Speaker 5: him know I didn't wake up this morning try to
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  Speaker 5: figure out how I'm gonna screw.
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  Speaker 2: Your day up.
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  Speaker 5: I didn't do that. I did not wake up with
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  Speaker 5: that on my agenda. I am being human, I am
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  Speaker 5: having a human experience, and I am not perfect, and
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  Speaker 5: I need you to embrace that.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not perfect.
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  Speaker 5: And I asked you to forgive me for something that
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  Speaker 5: you felt like I needed to do. And you have
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  Speaker 5: a disagreement with that or you feel a certain kind
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  Speaker 5: of way about that.
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  Speaker 2: All right, does that answer your question?
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  Speaker 4: That was wonderful.
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  Speaker 2: I like that adds for going this relationship talk Thursday
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  Speaker 2: on Inspiration thirteen ninety. Come on in the room. This
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  Speaker 2: is some good conversation. Whether you're dating, whether you're married,
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  Speaker 2: whether you're single, want to get married, all of it applies.
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  Speaker 1: Today here with fastor Jermoon Glenn and fastor Erica Glenn,
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  Speaker 1: who served faithfully. They're at New Life executive pastors, they
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  Speaker 1: have their own marriage ministry, they write books, and today
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  Speaker 1: we're talking about turning conflict into communication, conflict into connection
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  Speaker 1: and communication. Right talking about the communication, because I hear
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  Speaker 1: the communication is really what can bring or tear apart marriages.
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  Speaker 3: Sonny, sex communication. I'm the big three that people always
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  Speaker 3: have in conflict, money, sex communication, how we manage money,
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  Speaker 3: how much sex we have it or not having, and
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  Speaker 3: how we communicate. But that's how you turn conflict into connection.
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  Speaker 3: Early on, my wife and I we you know, she says,
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  Speaker 3: I'm the more person.
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  Speaker 5: You communicate more to do with your life. Okay, okay,
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  Speaker 5: all right, okay.
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  Speaker 3: In that communication, I would think that I am being
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  Speaker 3: clear because I do know how to communicate. But my
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  Speaker 3: wife learned in this school that they take all the
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  Speaker 3: ladies too, called girls school school.
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  Speaker 4: It is a school.
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  Speaker 3: It is this proverbial school called girls school where they
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  Speaker 3: teach women that men don't know how to communicate. And
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  Speaker 3: you got to read between the lines, and you got
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  Speaker 3: to figure out what they're trying to say, and what
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  Speaker 3: they're saying is not really what they're saying. They're really
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  Speaker 3: saying something else. And I would have to remind my
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  Speaker 3: wife that I am saying what I'm saying. You don't
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  Speaker 3: have to interpret for me, you don't have to translate
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  Speaker 3: from me. And I learned very early on that she
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  Speaker 3: was hearing through the lenses of finishing my sentences instead
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  Speaker 3: of lensings on what I actually was saying. And so
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  Speaker 3: as a principal in human development, one of the things
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  Speaker 3: that I learned that was very important for us is
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  Speaker 3: that when I would make a statement, I ask my wife,
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  Speaker 3: what did you hear me say?
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  Speaker 4: Now what I said?
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  Speaker 3: What did you hear me say? And man, when she
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  Speaker 3: repeated it back, it was not what I said. I said.
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  Speaker 2: It was supposed to be this great communication.
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  Speaker 4: I said.
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  Speaker 2: I'm agreed.
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  Speaker 3: I could get up and preaching people get saved. I
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  Speaker 3: could say what I said. I got a degree in
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  Speaker 3: communicating in marketing, and you mean to tell me in
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  Speaker 3: my own house, I can say what I said, and
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  Speaker 3: you didn't hear what I said because you were too
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  Speaker 3: busy listening to respond instead of listening to hear what
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  Speaker 3: I was saying, and you was finishing my sentences and
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  Speaker 3: feeling in the blanks. And my wife would be like, well,
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  Speaker 3: what did you say that? And I'll say it again,
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  Speaker 3: till finally we learned the art of say back what
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  Speaker 3: you heard me say? So I would say, well, would
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  Speaker 3: you hear me saying? Because she was a principal at
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  Speaker 3: that time.
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  Speaker 2: What I said to my kindergarten I'm not no kid.
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  Speaker 4: Don't be talking. Don't be telling me.
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  Speaker 3: I said, Babe, I'm not trying to treat you like
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  Speaker 3: a child. But you honestly just repeated back to me
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  Speaker 3: what I didn't say, because you were hearing through your feelings,
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  Speaker 3: your emotions, your understanding, your expectations, say back what you
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  Speaker 3: heard me say.
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  Speaker 4: And she was say it back. I would say it
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  Speaker 4: back in our communication to.
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  Speaker 5: In on that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, come with that.
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  Speaker 1: I mean.
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  Speaker 5: So it was I mean, because I was an independent
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  Speaker 5: quote unquote woman. Think I think that I just was
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  Speaker 5: just trying to like make it happen, you know what
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  Speaker 5: I'm saying. So it's like the less words he had
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  Speaker 5: to say, and the more I could like get it
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  Speaker 5: in my head, the easier it would be. But in
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  Speaker 5: that realizing that I was getting the message wrong, I
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  Speaker 5: had to ask myself, where was I filling in the
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  Speaker 5: blanks and where did I get the answers from? And
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  Speaker 5: it was from my mother or from my grandmother. This
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  Speaker 5: is how a man acts, and this is what a
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  Speaker 5: man does. And I think it was my grandfather when
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  Speaker 5: he got up to preach one time and he was
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  Speaker 5: talking about because they had a marriage ministry too, and
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  Speaker 5: he said, he said, if a man says I want
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  Speaker 5: dinner and I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
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  Speaker 5: why are you making him steak because you feel like
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  Speaker 5: he should have steak versus a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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  Speaker 5: And you want to be a great wife, And how
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  Speaker 5: dare I give you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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  Speaker 5: And the man was like, but I asked you for
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  Speaker 5: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I think for women,
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  Speaker 5: we are always trying to do what is best in
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  Speaker 5: our eyes versus just giving exactly what a man is
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  Speaker 5: telling you. And when I looked over my life, especially
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  Speaker 5: as a single woman, I realize when somebody tells you something,
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  Speaker 5: oh boy, he means what he's saying. If he says,
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  Speaker 5: you know, I really don't want to be married, you
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  Speaker 5: should have just keep on staying there because you believe
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  Speaker 5: I'm going to change his mind.
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  Speaker 2: No, he said what he said.
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  Speaker 5: And man, yeah, and even when he says nothing, he's
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  Speaker 5: saying a lot because when he says nothing, it's because
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  Speaker 5: he doesn't trust that you're going to understand what he says,
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  Speaker 5: or you're going to take it and manipulate it. So
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  Speaker 5: he like, how about I say nothing? So it's like
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  Speaker 5: when we hear people he don't talk, and it was
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  Speaker 5: like he talking, he's saying a lot, and he's talking
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  Speaker 5: to somebody.
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  Speaker 2: He's just not talking to you.
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  Speaker 4: And even when he's silent, he's saying a lot. You're
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  Speaker 4: just not listening because.
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  Speaker 3: You're such in the art of giving him what you
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  Speaker 3: want him to have instead of giving him what he wants.
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  Speaker 3: And that's what we discover because my wife is an
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  Speaker 3: avid reader also, and she will be reading these multiple
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  Speaker 3: books at all these times telling her how to be
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  Speaker 3: a good wife and telling her what the expectations are
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  Speaker 3: managing all these things, and she's trying to live up
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  Speaker 3: to all these ideals she interpreted and finding herself frustrated
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  Speaker 3: in our situation, like what's wrong with you? I'm not
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  Speaker 3: asking for all that stuff when the books say I
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  Speaker 3: should do this.
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  Speaker 4: Initially, I'm like, whoa, whoa.
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  Speaker 3: The book is running our marriage because the book is
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  Speaker 3: giving you too many ideas to process that at the
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  Speaker 3: wrong time. How about you just listening to what I'm
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  Speaker 3: asking for and what you're asking for and then go
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  Speaker 3: read one book about that. Go read Power Couples about that,
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  Speaker 3: Go read love right, Go read the one book instead
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  Speaker 3: of five books that are telling you you're not doing
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  Speaker 3: a good job. And I actually think you're doing a
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  Speaker 3: great job. And I'm really not asking for a lot.
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  Speaker 3: I just want to send. Most men just want a
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  Speaker 3: few simple things, just a few in some need, in
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  Speaker 3: some sex, you know, let me watch the game, let
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  Speaker 3: me have a little space, not complicated, all right, And
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  Speaker 3: sometimes people just don't listen.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna come back and talk a little bit more.
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  Speaker 1: That was a good, healthy segment on communication. We got
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  Speaker 1: we got a question coming in about disagreements from spiraling
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  Speaker 1: from you. You don't want those disagreements to turn into resentment.
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  Speaker 1: That's a question that's coming through right here. Relationship Talk Thursday,
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  Speaker 1: Calling Inspiration thirteen ninety It's Sonya Relationship Talk Thursday here
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  Speaker 1: with Pastor Dramoon and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about
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  Speaker 1: turning conflict into connection.
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  Speaker 2: Do you have a question on this topic?
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  Speaker 1: I do.
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  Speaker 5: What are some examples of conflict resolution or some methods
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  Speaker 5: that my husband and I can try?
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  Speaker 2: Good question.
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  Speaker 5: The first thing I would say is that first of all,
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  Speaker 5: acknowledging that there's some kind of conflict that's going on,
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  Speaker 5: and not just continually to just ignore it and just
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  Speaker 5: you know, hope that it goes away. So the first
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  Speaker 5: thing that I would say is acknowledgment. The second thing
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  Speaker 5: is to know, like, find a place that is peaceful
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  Speaker 5: that both of you can be in. Don't be in
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  Speaker 5: a space or place where you know there's I know
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  Speaker 5: it might sound crazy to say this, but where it's
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: junkie or whatever. You want a clean environment because you
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: want to be able to exude a resolution. You want
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: to be able to pull on something that is going
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: to You want to walk away with strategy and steps
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: to be able to go further.
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  Speaker 4: I love that.
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  Speaker 3: I also would say that don't talk about him before
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: you talk to him, right, don't go share that with
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: your girlfriends, your mama, your best friend. Don't have an
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: issue with their man that you haven't discussed with him.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Because we we good at going to event outside. But
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: the Bible says to Matthew eighteen, bring the issue to
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: them first.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: So uh, and if you do go.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: To council outside of your marriage, we always say counsel
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: up right, don't counsel down, don't cancel, don't counsel laterally,
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  Speaker 3: don't talk to somebody else who can't give you a
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: more senior advice that you will follow it to. So
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: if you do counsel outside of then talk to your counselor,
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: who is also sworn not to repeat it. Count to
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: your pastor who also is going to give you a
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: godly advice. Counsel up. Don't just go tell people that
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: then they feel awkward when they're in the room with them.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Then when y'all make up, because y'all will right right, right,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: calor y'all gonna make up right, And when y'all, when
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: y'all make up, then he not weird when he come
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: in the room with your people that you've been talking
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: about him too and you didn't talk to him.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: That help answer, right, Yes, that's a great answer. I
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: love it.
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  Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: All right, thank you. Blessings on you and your marriage.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Relationship Talk Thursday, it's Sonia here on Inspiration thirteen ninety
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  Speaker 1: with that Jimone and pastor Erica Glenn of New Life,
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  Speaker 1: and we're talking about turning a conflict into connection.
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  Speaker 2: All this can be found in their new book Power Couples.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about the rules of engagement for
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: love and respect during disagreements, because I know a lot
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: of disagreements can turn into fights and they could turn.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Into the cussing and I just don't like you chose.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: But there's a way out of this, right, their way
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: out of this, seller, sister.
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  Speaker 5: So women want love, Yeah, women want love. I want
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: to be I want to know that you love me,
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: and I want to know that whatever I communicate with
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: you will not cause you to not love me. And
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: when I feel or when I believe that I can
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: say what I what I need to say, even if
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: it's if rather it's right or wrong, that I'm still
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: going to be loved at the end of it. Then
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: I can communicate my honest space and be transparent in
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: that and vulnerable in that.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: And men want respect, right, We try translate love as respect.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: We learned this in the book Love and Respect. The
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: Bible says doesn't really tell a woman to love her husband.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: It tells a man to love his wife, but it
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: doesn't tell a woman to love her husband. It doesn't
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: mean that she should not love him. It means that
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: he translates love as respect. How do you speak to him.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: How do you speak about him? How do you speak
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: in his presence? Out of his presence? How do you
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: translate his ideas? How do you follow through with his words?
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  Speaker 3: So men interpret love as respect, don't emasculate.
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  Speaker 4: He's not your child.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: My wife, as a retired principal, we had to build
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: in our marriage some drive time, some decompression time. She
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: worked in an urban area as a principal, dealing with
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: all the little kids and all the parents and frustration, and.
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: She's right, she in her principal tone all day and
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: then she come home.
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, WHOA, I'm not I'm not your I'm not
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: your kids, I'm not none of your students, I'm not
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: them parents. You need to decompress. Stay at your office
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: ten moments. Right around for a second. Let me turn
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: some music on so you can. You can go to work.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: If you got to go to work and be all that,
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: do that, but come home, as my wife, come home
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: and call my name in a way that wants me
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: to come to you, not run from you. And so
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: there has to be a safe understanding of that, the
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: decompression time. Because respect is how I'm translating love. And
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: then I never want to say anything to my wife
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: to make her feel like I don't love her, never
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: want to say anything to her that I wouldn't say
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: to myself.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: Husband, love your wife's ass Christ. So she is me.
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  Speaker 3: So therefore, anything God wouldn't say to her, I shouldn't
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: say to her. Any way that God shouldn't say it
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: to her, I shouldn't say it to her. So we
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: need to learn in rules of engagement how to talk
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  Speaker 3: to one another. The Bible says, speak the truth and love.
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  Speaker 3: You don't have to lie. You can say anything you
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: want to say. It's just how you say it. Watch
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: your tone, watch your tone, watch how you raise your voice.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: We got into a we don't argue, but we got
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: into a passionate, a passionate conversation, and voices.
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  Speaker 4: Got raised in the house.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Our children were listening, and I realized that I was
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: passionate and they was oh because they never hear us.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: And I had to pause in a moment in front
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: of my children and apologize to my wife in front
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: of my children for how they heard me talk to
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: their mother, because I didn't want that to become their
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: normal and them think that's what it was. So we
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: learned how to well, we say fight fair, right, be vulnerable,
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: be vulnerable, and don't don't use it against them in
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: a moment of don't use what somebody gave you in
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: a moment of weakness in a time of strength. Right,
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: watch your tone, say what you want to say, speak
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: the truth and love, but be respectful belinds.
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: And then also make sure that you know you know
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: the temperament of your partner. And sometimes because you want
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: to get it off of your chest, it might be
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: a good time for you, but it's not a good
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: time for us. You need to be you need to
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: be conscious of that. And then you also need to
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: make sure that you know, like my husband said, that
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: you speak the truth and love. You can speak the
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: truth because you don't want to walk away from a
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: heated or where there could possibly conflict without feeling that
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: you've been heard. And so you need to make sure
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: that you know I tell especially for women or whoever.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: Everybody has a role in a relationship in the sense
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: and whoever is a person who doesn't communicate that well
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: or it takes them a minute to process. Make sure
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: that you show up to the conversation with the things
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: that you are desiring and not allowing the person who can,
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: you know, speak one hundred words and minute take over
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: the conversation.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: But let them let you know it takes me a minute.
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: I got a process, and like, let your partner know
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: that so that they respect that. And then also, whoever
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: calls the meeting, that's their meeting. You can't they lead
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: the meeting. So you can't jump in a chair.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: And I need to say this meeting, it's not your meeting.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I need to talk to you.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: And then I sit down and saying I need to
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: talk to you, and then you're doing all the talk
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: about this ain't your meeting. This is for me.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: You gotta listen, is good and respond exactly. You gotta respond.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I gotta top here. Don't responding. You gotta respond.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: And because I'm a quicker communicator, my wife would always say,
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: if you know you're brewing something in your head, give
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: me a heads up, tell me you need to talk
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: to me about something later or at a certain time,
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: so that I'm prepared for it.
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: Because you you've.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Been processing in your head, you come in and unloading it.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: That's what she means when she say it might be
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: a good time for you, but is it a good
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: time for us.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: That's good right, all right, this is a great conversation. Man,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: this is incredible.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: You all are annointed for on this relationship truck Thursday.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: How can folks find you? Follow you get the book?
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: All things are connected to Jermone j R. M O
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: N E. G l E in jermone Glen dot com.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: If you google Power Couples, it'll come up Love thirty
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: Day Love Challenge.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: We push couples to do that.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: It's practicing love on each other for thirty days straight.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Kingdom Kingdom Relationships. We have all type of books. We
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: do seminars, we go, we do retreats, we do training,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: we do marriage counseling. In the month of March we
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: do too. We don't do counseling because we believe that
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: you're just missing some tools. So we do marriage and
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Richmond give you the tools to be able to move
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: through this. So we serve in this capacity because we
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: want you to win. Yeah, and we want you to win.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: So you know, google us look us up.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's Erica. Final thoughts.
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: So turning conflict into connection, I would definitely, you know,
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: just encourage you if you are in that in between
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: space and you're trying to make a decision. I'm grateful
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: that you tuned in. Thank you for tuning in. But
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: just know that this is not a mistake. Give your
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: marriage another try. You may not have had all the
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: tools that you need to be successful. And once you
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: admit I don't know what I'm doing, I believe you'll
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: get all the tools that you need to make your
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: marriage the marriage that you wanted to be.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Tell us Chicago, the one thing that you do to
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: me when having a confidence.
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: So when we're having a sight, so when we have
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: a heated conversation, I always grab him. I touch him
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: because my touch is going to de escalate him, because
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: it's the point of connection, and it is to remind
• 24:13
  Speaker 5: his brain that we are together and we are in love.
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: Even though you may not like me right now, we
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: are still in love and we are still in a marriage.
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: And it causes him to de escalate it, to come
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: down all.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Right to me, all right, ladies. It calls back when
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: a testimony ladyship doctor