Latest / Voices for Voices® / Walking Into A Therapist's Office Feels Like Admitting Defeat | It Isn't | Episode 520

Transcript

Walking Into A Therapist's Office Feels Like Admitting Defeat | It Isn't | Episode 520 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you so much for watching, listening.
• 0:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, whether here in the United States or somewhere abroad, uh, we really appreciate you uh being a part of the Voices for Voices family, and we always have room for more.
• 0:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If you can give us the big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, repost, reshare, uh, maybe even uh pull your phone out and uh share our voices for voices podcast with 25 or 50 of your contacts in your phone.
• 0:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That'd be greatly appreciated as well.
• 0:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And all these are free things, free F-R-E-E.
• 0:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: They don't cost anything.
• 0:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, and we haven't got to where we are with as many episodes as we we have um with without the love and support of each and every one of you, and we're sending that love and support back to you.
• 1:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh we're just grateful to have a place to uh just be very transparent, talk about a lot of a lot of topics again with the underpinning of mental health, trauma, recovery.
• 1:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, we do uh a lot of things uh to to do that.
• 1:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: One is the show, uh, and then we also have uh books.
• 1:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Books help mental health, uh help be creative, help take our mind to a uh a place of uh happiness, of learning, of history, and we're just so excited uh to be able to uh be doing that uh on a whole new level that hasn't been seen uh probably in uh the uh in the world ever.
• 2:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And uh it's thanks to you that we're gonna be able to deliver on that.
• 2:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh so thank you so much.
• 2:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What I wanted to get get started here on this particular episode is we talk a lot about emotions, but I want to talk about emotions as it relates to me and how I feel when I am getting the mental health help.
• 2:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You know, for as as the story goes, you know, for many years I didn't get help, and then I did.
• 3:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it's one thing to you know, check the box of like, okay, I went to therapy today, I took my medication and uh uh breakfast with my breakfast, with my lunch, with my supper, etc.
• 3:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But I haven't really gotten and I don't think about the actual how's it feel to do that, not what the medication and all those things, like specifically, like, oh well, well, yeah, that's what the medication's supposed to do.
• 3:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's supposed to help you.
• 3:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm just trying to be very transparent and say how it feels to get help, because there's a lot of conjecture, a lot of misunderstandings, I think.
• 4:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh well, stigmas, we know that, and I've talked about the hospital, I've talked about a lot of things, but at current state where I'm at, like today, filming this show, I just want to share how it feels to get help.
• 4:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You know, we talk about how hard it is to ask for help, right?
• 4:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because we're a lot of us, me included, I didn't want to get help.
• 4:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I didn't know what help looked like.
• 4:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I was afraid, I didn't know what again, what that looked like.
• 4:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I didn't I just didn't know.
• 4:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so it was kind of the fear, which if you look at fear, F-E-A-R, false evidence appears real.
• 5:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I was I was afraid.
• 5:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I had fear, but why?
• 5:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I don't know why.
• 5:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So right here, right now, not of course it feels good to get get help for me.
• 5:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I can't see, I can't see myself not getting help from 2017 on.
• 5:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You know, people have asked, when are you gonna stop going to therapy?
• 6:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Talked about this before, but in case this is your first episode, you know, people say, Oh Justin, when when are you gonna be done with therapy?
• 6:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: When are you gonna be done with medication?
• 6:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: When are you gonna be and I don't I don't know the medication part because I'm not an MD, I'm not a uh practicing nurse.
• 6:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I that part I I don't know.
• 6:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: All I know is that's what I'm taking.
• 6:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm taking medication.
• 6:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Now, how does it feel when I go to therapy?
• 6:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So sometimes I go in person, sometimes we do the telehealth, you know, virtually.
• 6:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I want to try to equate this at the very beginning.
• 6:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I was ashamed.
• 7:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: In 2017, I was ashamed that I I had to get help, that I couldn't do things on my own, that uh I just I just was very ashamed of myself, and I didn't need to be, but I was like, okay, I'm conceding that I do need need help, whatever that looks like, and so I had to not just subconscious, but I had to consciously you know make those decisions like well, okay, well, if I'm only taking medication, and uh a big part of my past prior to that in uh 2017, a big part of that was alcohol consumption, binge drinking on weekends.
• 8:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so you've heard me say in earlier episodes that I was I was thinking, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna be able to drink again, and and here I am going on nine years.
• 8:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I haven't had a drop of alcohol, and I frankly don't want one.
• 8:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So how's that make me feel?
• 8:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That makes me feel good because I'm able to show constrain not I'm able to show restraint every time you go into the grocery store.
• 8:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I just in fact I just got home from the grocery store.
• 9:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Alcohol everywhere.
• 9:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, it's all over the place.
• 9:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Wine, beer, spirits, all the uh they're right there.
• 9:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I walk by them almost every time when I'm in uh a particular grocery store, and you gotta kind of walk through that area to get to a large majority of the store to do your shopping.
• 9:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean it's masterful in the way that if you think about a casino and you stay for maybe two or three nights, you arrive at the casino where you're staying, maybe it's the Blasio, maybe maybe Hara's uh and so you show up and you check in, and then okay, well, you're on you know the fifth floor, and you know, you're 521, that's your room number.
• 10:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So the next thing is like, okay, how do I get where's the elevators at?
• 10:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Right?
• 10:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like a majority of the hotels I've ever been in, there's you know, the check-in desk, the help desk, and then the elevators, if not on the ground floor, uh are very close.
• 11:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, not at a casino.
• 11:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The casino wants you to walk all the way through as much as possible.
• 11:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because they want you to play games, they want your money.
• 11:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's just the way it goes.
• 11:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: They don't have these big, huge, luxurious buildings outside and inside.
• 11:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Where do you think they get the money to buy to pay to build these particular structures?
• 11:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: From people losing money, not people winning money.
• 11:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I look at alcohol kind of in the same way.
• 11:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Go to the grocery store, a particular one that I went to, then, and you have to walk through again, gotta walk through the uh pretty big section of alcohol to get to I'd say 90% of the store.
• 12:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so it takes kind of takes restraint.
• 12:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So again, back to the feeling.
• 12:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So when I my very first therapy in the hospital, again, I was feeling a lot of shame.
• 12:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I was feeling like I was the only one, and I wasn't, and I wasn't, I wasn't the only one, and I didn't need to feel the shame.
• 12:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I did, but I I didn't need to.
• 12:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, but at that time, I I I I had to totally succumb to what the process was or was going to be.
• 12:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So it kind of felt like giving a presentation in a way.
• 12:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Going around the table, huge table.
• 13:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What's your first name?
• 13:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Why are you here?
• 13:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And automatically I just get like super nervous, like, I'm gonna screw up my answer didn't matter.
• 13:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I I wasn't I wasn't there to get a perfect score, I was there just to be me.
• 13:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'll fast forward to you know the our uh organization, our shows, our events, things that we've had and what we'll continue to have and even on greater scale, I have to do a lot of talking.
• 14:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And some people ask, Do you get nervous?
• 14:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Yeah, I get nervous.
• 14:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But I know that the information, the experiences, the stories, the things that I am sharing are gonna help at least one person, and then that one person, at least the one person, it's gonna maybe help them.
• 14:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Can help in a ton of different ways, or we'll get in all those.
• 14:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But how do I feel when I go to therapy now?
• 14:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How do I feel when I see my psychiatrist?
• 14:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The psychiatrist is more looking at diagnosis, uh updates, you know, updates to the diagnosis.
• 15:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I have multiple, so it's diagnoses, I guess, is the I think the proper way.
• 15:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm not sure.
• 15:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I think it is.
• 15:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Don't quote me on on that.
• 15:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I just know I have multiple areas of multiple areas of challenge mentally.
• 15:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But before I talk about how's it feel going to therapy and in that how's it feel to wake up?
• 15:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It act it feels good because now I've been able to put a lot of things in the perspective that not everybody's gonna wake up tomorrow.
• 16:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not everybody woke up this morning.
• 16:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's gonna going to be people that will pass away during the day, morning, noon, night.
• 16:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so at the human level, it feels good to to be alive, to not be using alcohol as the crutch that I used it as for a lot a lot of years.
• 16:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Feels good to have as clear a mind as can be.
• 16:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What I'm talking about is I'm able to wake up as clear headed as I can.
• 17:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So that feels good.
• 17:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It it's just a good feeling of like, okay, let's get on with the day.
• 17:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So that's what we do.
• 17:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We get on with the day.
• 17:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Some days we'll go to the gym, other days we'll take days off to let the muscles grow and heal and all those great things.
• 17:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I feel I feel good going to therapy.
• 17:59
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh both before because before it's like, okay, good.
• 18:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I really need the like least to me, it seems like the therapy happens at the best times, which are the times that are trying for me.
• 18:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I'm very grateful at that for that.
• 18:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then during, I'm able to share and talk.
• 18:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So it feels good to get things out of here, out of my brain, share them and move move on.
• 18:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: After the therapy, I feel good because I it's an accomplishment.
• 19:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I was able to do it, I was able to get through it.
• 19:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I thought about like, you know, giving a presentation and that having the ner you know being nervous and and and and all those things.
• 19:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I've told my story, I guess, so many times.
• 19:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It gets old because it's like, oh my gosh, why do I have to explain it again?
• 19:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I've explained it so many times.
• 19:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But then I think this might be a way to help somebody by me sharing.
• 19:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It may go in to a psychiatrist's notes or a therapist's notes, and it may help them with other clients like the stories and that.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: A little bit of Lent, I guess.
• 20:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so is every time I go to therapy make me feel good?
• 20:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not every time.
• 20:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: A majority of the time.
• 20:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If I have a medication change, does that make me feel good?
• 20:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: No.
• 20:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: No, not usually.
• 20:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because I know it's gonna take a period of time for the new medication to start to take effect.
• 21:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But I still I I still do it because I still need the help.
• 21:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And there's a lot of people, a lot of other people that need help, whether they w want to admit it or not.
• 21:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm not here to point fingers at nobody at all.
• 21:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But ask him for help.
• 21:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Yeah, that's hard.
• 21:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's very hard.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's very hard.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 22:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Then when you're getting the help, it feels to me a majority of the time, feels good.
• 22:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I just realized this as we're talking here, the grocery store and having all that alcohol front and center, as you kind of go through the produce section and that uh I guess I need to start giving myself some credit.
• 22:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Every time I go through that, you might say, Well, what's the big deal?
• 22:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, when a thing is something that has been an issue, like for me, in alcohol, to walk through that section almost every time I go to this particular grocery store.
• 23:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It takes a lot of courage to go through that and not want to look around and pick something up and go, okay, well, I'll just have a drink.
• 23:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like I just won.
• 23:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So it's kind of like it's a uh it's a battle, and I need to start giving myself credit.
• 23:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like, I'm not talking about money or like stickers or anything.
• 24:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm just talking about I I need to just realize how many times, and I don't know the number, doesn't matter what the number is.
• 24:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How many times that I've walked through that same grocery store and walked through let's say alcohol alley.
• 24:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I mean, I I would I would think I would probably be tempted sometimes, but usually it's just like all this is just in the way of in between me and getting whatever grocery or groceries that I'm there to get that's not alcohol, and so I need to give myself a little bit more credit on that.
• 25:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not because I again not because I'm this high and mighty person, I'm not but we gotta take we gotta take the take the wins when we can and kind of going through an area like that and having the restraint to just keep walking talk about emotions and feelings now that I'm talking about this on the show, it makes me feel good that there's so many so many times that I've been to that grocery store and others and I've been tempted but I haven't given in.
• 26:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So what's that feel like?
• 26:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That feels really good.
• 26:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not the pat on the back and uh not not like that, it just feels good to know that I at least for you know, we don't know how long we're gonna live, at least for today, I was able to go through and restrain myself from looking and purchasing and consuming alcohol.
• 27:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's that's about what we got.
• 27:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So thank you for watching, thank you for listening.
• 27:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If you can give us thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost.
• 27:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, and if you can share our voices for voices, TV Trump Podcast with 25 or 50 uh contacts on your phone.
• 27:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Be greatly appreciated, and is F R E free.
• 27:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So again, thank you for being with us.
• 27:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you for your love and support.
• 28:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're sending it back to you as well.
• 28:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, we're just so grateful to have this opportunity to talk and share and how we've overcome certain things at certain times.
• 28:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we'll look forward to seeing you on a future episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 28:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody else in need.
• 28:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And let's please celebrate the voices of everyone all across the world.
• 28:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll see you later.
• 28:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Bye bye for now.