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Undead Guardians · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
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Welcome back to the department of Anomalous and Non human
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Genetic entities, Reconnaissance and zoological Occult
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operations. I am Coyote the game warden and
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my players. What?
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What happened last time? Do you guys remember?
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I killed a not deer by accident. Apparently I'm about to die.
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Yeah, you don't look so good. What's what's going on with your
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character? I mean I got brave once again
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because apparently that's my thing and not tapped the wrong
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one. Now I'm bleeding, about to die.
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Brave's a strong word. I think most people just call it
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reckless, but you know, you do you.
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I was going to say careless, but that works too.
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Yeah. All right.
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So you got your what? Your HP is at 2 right now.
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What are you going to do? Yeah, I'm going to place my hand
1:01
on the wound and press, as you know, hard as I can and just
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scream like a little girl. Hopefully somebody will help me.
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OK, why don't you cauterize it or put a fucking bandage or
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anything that has give me a medical check.
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You got to roll high for your scream arm holding to work.
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And it is a 18. Oh, get the fuck out of here.
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Yeah, you you squeeze it so much that like it, your skin just
1:36
kind of slops together and just cements.
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Hold your arm intact and you're like, oh, look at that.
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Your bleeding stopped. Good for you.
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See. I meant to do that.
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You lucky fuck. So last time we caught all these
1:51
not deers, baby bird disappeared, fell in the hole,
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and there's still zombies around.
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There's one knot deer down there at the bottom that is running
2:01
around with two flares stuck into its eyes that I think I
2:04
shoved in there also by accident, kind of.
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Oh yeah, you did that, didn't you?
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Yeah, that was pretty cool. And then there's a zombie off to
2:12
the east that put down the last knot deer.
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So all the knot deers are gone. There's just zombies.
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And it's getting real close to daylight, gentlemen.
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So mission start, what is the game plan?
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I mean, we still have a couple more abandoned houses to go
2:31
check. I'm going to look for the the
2:36
nearest window. Jesus.
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To a building we haven't explored yet.
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We'll go. We'll go in this order.
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I'll go first, Hazy will go, and then Nido.
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My turn is just to stare at that zombie.
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I'm trying to analyze her and I roll.
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Oh yeah, it looks like a zombie. That's all I got.
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No shit, Sherlock. That's definitely a zombie.
3:01
Yep, that is a well chested developed zombie dual wielding
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axes over by the house. So that's interesting.
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Definitely had dreams like this. I mean, I, I totally go, I
3:15
totally go zombie I. Don't know if I'd get Zombie,
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but I I don't know if I'd risk it for the biscuit.
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Anyways, Hazy, you want to go to the closest window.
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That's going to be northeast. Right there you're going to try
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and jump through. Yeah.
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All right, give me an athletics check.
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Oh my God. Five.
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Let's go. 5 To go to that window, you breakthrough that
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window. However, the window has been
3:46
barricaded by a giant dresser that you went face first into
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again. Let's see what you got for
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damage. Oh shit, I'm dead.
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I snapped my own neck. God damn it.
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You took one point of damage. Oh God.
4:01
You are barely hanging on the life right now.
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I'm just going to lay down and collect my thoughts.
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When HP just sit there and say like you think about what you've
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done right now, what are you doing?
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I'm going to step through the window, not jump through it.
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Yeah, step. It's it's barricaded.
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Oh, he didn't Breakthrough. He broke the window, but there
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is a big dresser in front of it. That's what he hit.
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Yeah, my head's hard. It's not that hard.
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Is there a door on the north side of it?
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There is a door on the north side.
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I'm going to go check that door and see if it's unlocked.
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Check that door, give me a luck roll, see if it's open.
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Is luck roll. To D20 plus Charisma.
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OK, which is 0. Yeah.
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Oh, 14. Oh yeah, you, you put your hand
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on that doorknob and you don't even have to turn it.
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It just goes. It opens up.
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Perfect. So at the end of my turn or can
5:07
I go inside investigate? You can go in and you can take a
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look. OK, I want to go inside and see
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if I can find anything interesting.
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OK. Give me an investigation roll
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First off. So 6.
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But hazy is definitely within 20 feet of me, so 8.
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Yeah, you're looking around in there, but you don't really see
5:31
anything when you enter the small shack.
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You walk in and you see just kind of a hole and a dresser in
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the back. The dresser definitely doesn't
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belong here, barely fit through the door, but it's blocking the
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window and the whole kind of stinks and it's starting to dawn
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on you. You haven't seen an outhouse
5:51
yet? Oh, that's gross.
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Yeah, you're in an outhouse. Yay.
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With a window. That's totally worth
6:00
barricading. Thanks, guys.
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Yeah. Someone may have.
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I mean, this could have been somebody's last resort, trying
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to survive here. You know, you don't know.
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You don't know people. Yeah, the last place I would
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hide is in an outhouse. Checks that dookie hole.
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He already checked, that's the thing.
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Well, you can't. You just checked.
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In general, if you want to go in in depth one and look in that
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shitter, you can. That's up to you.
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Bet bet you won't do it. Check that poop.
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Check that poop. I fucking hate you.
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Yeah, let's check that shit hole.
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Check if you're checking the shit hole.
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Yeah, fuck it. Checking that poop shoot.
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That's what she says. Give me a give me a luck check.
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13. OK, now roll AD 10.
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Oh. God damn it.
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You suck of the shit, demon. You're going to die. 7.
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Chevin, you say? All right.
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See you, Senor. You find you find a lucky coin.
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It's a flat silver dime rubbed smooth from years of pocket use,
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and it's warm to the touch. That's gross.
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I'm sure it is. Don't know if that's from the
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poop or what, but it's not cool. Science.
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I don't want to get into that science.
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OK. But you do feel something
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radiating from the coin. Do you throw it back in the
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shitter or do you put it back in your or do you put it in your
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pocket? I mean, you already went in it.
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Yeah, I already went into it. I'm not throwing it back.
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I'll put it in my pocket. You didn't even wipe it off
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That's gross. Yeah, well, I already put my
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hand in a shit hole so it can't be that bad.
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All right, I'm going past this building that we just checked
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out that you that the door is open and there's a fire lit and
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I go up. To don't worry about me, don't
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worry about me. Guys, it's my turn, all right?
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You know what? You're in timeout.
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You're talking about that. Let me let me roll.
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See what I get here. You're going to learn not to
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jump through Windows now, Or are you going to keep doing it?
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Oh, I go up to this house and I go to open this bad boy up.
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Are you opening the window? You're not going to jump through
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it. Nope, the window opened just
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fine. Yeah, I just crawl in here.
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There's a little step ladder and I'd like climb down and I'm in
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this place and now I'm going to do an investigation.
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Roll. Sweet.
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I find this little wooden thing that looks like a four leaf
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Clover has been carved into. Doesn't look like much, but it
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looks like I could probably sell it at a local market for like 10
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gold pieces. That's mine.
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You're rich. All right there, Leprechaun.
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Hey, fuck you crazy. What are you doing?
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OK, well suddenly I need a potion or an injector of some
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sort. You mean like to heal some?
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Steroid baby. Do I have anything like that?
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I don't know what's in your pockets.
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Let's see. I don't think I have a medical
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kit. Do I have anything?
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You got to flare us. Yeah, I got to flare.
9:30
Yeah, cauterize the wound. It's already good, I just
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knocked my fucking self senseless and almost broke my
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neck. Yeah, I mean, you can always,
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you know, eat some milk and cookies and just relax and take
9:44
a health role, take a little short rest.
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Yeah, I'm going to chill the light cigarette.
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Oh, you got to take a smoke break?
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OK, give me where is it? Your hit dice.
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You got to roll AD 6 to see how much health you get back.
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AD 6. Yep, everyone's got a different
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hit dice. 4. Damn.
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Cool, you get 4 HP back. Nice some at 5:00.
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Yes, Sir, you're back at 5:00. Only slightly less retarded.
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That is going to be your fucking turn though right now.
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What are you doing? Let's see.
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Yeah, I'm definitely getting out of the shit house.
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I guess I'll go to the building directly north of me, past that
10:30
tree in northeast of you. OK.
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You head north past the tree, past the building that I'm in,
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and you go up to the east side there, because that's where the
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door is. You want to see if it's open.
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Yes, Sir. All right, give me a look check
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while that's happening. Now.
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All these zombies have slowly been moving their way, except
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for that one that hazy like smushed his head.
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They've been slowly moving their way up to the house, and one
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slowly approaching Hazy. Run, bitch.
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So the one's made it. One has made it about 5 feet
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away from Hazy, another one has gone on the porch and starting
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to wrap around towards the east, going north.
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And that one female big muscle mommy lumberjack, she's just
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standing guard at the very front of the porch, Very front of the
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porch on the South side. I don't like other flank in the
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house. Yeah, it is weird.
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What'd you roll? How close are you to me?
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I'm 25 feet away. 25 feet. All right then, it's the 19.
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Oh yeah, that thing's open. You walk in there.
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And let's investigate to see what I can find.
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Oh shit, there's two rooms. OK, you walk into this room
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going West and there is a fireplace the east.
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There's a window 2 barrels South and you know there's some stuff
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scattered around. If you want to investigate, give
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me a roll. Yeah, I guess I'll investigate
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15. Nice, nice.
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You're looking around and you find a newspaper from the Sipsy
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Grapevine. The Sipsy County Mill sale ends
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in violence. That's fucking hard to say.
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A family dispute turns fatal following federal land purchase.
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Sipsy County authorities respond late Tuesday night to a deadly
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incident at the Whitmore Lumber Mill following the recent sale
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of the property to a federal contractor connected to weapon
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testing in the surrounding forest.
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Officials report that Madison Whitmore allegedly killed her
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father, Harold Whitmore, and her two brothers shortly after the
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deal was finalized. Sheriff deputies state Whitmore
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was armed with logging axes and resisted arrest.
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She was shot and killed near the mill after refusing to
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surrender. The mill has been permanently
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shut down and several families in the area have reportedly
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begun leaving their homes. Officials have labeled the
13:12
incident an isolated domestic tragedy.
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More on page 6. Where the fuck is page 6?
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Give me a luck roll. Oh.
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Shit. You roll for everything in here.
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I decide nothing. The fate is in the.
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Dice, That's a lie. I decide some things, but most
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of it it's in the dice. Oh, not 20, baby.
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Oh shit. Oh, let me add something for
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you. Oh fuck.
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You flip over to page 6 and there's a big old picture, and
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the female there looks oddly familiar, almost like you've
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seen her somewhere, standing, holding 2 axes in front of an
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abandoned lodge. Hint hint.
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She's a zombie. And it reads under her picture
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printed below. Some folks around Sipsy are
14:00
saying the Whitmore business wasn't as clean as the papers
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make it sound. A few neighbors swear Madison
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Whitmore had been acting strange in the weeks before the mill
14:09
sale, working late alone, talking to herself in the tree
14:13
line and chopping long after dark when no one else was
14:15
around. Others claimed the sheriff's
14:18
support left things out. One man said he heard yelling in
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the woods before the killing, like more than one voice
14:25
arguing, though no one was ever found.
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A handful of residents also insist the forest went
14:30
unnaturally quiet that night, and some people said they
14:33
smelled sulfur in the air and that animals had refused to come
14:38
near the mill the night those people were murdered.
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Of course, rumors are just rumors, but more than a few
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locals say they won't step foot near the old Whitmore land
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anymore, not even in daylight. Shit, I don't want to anymore.
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I mean, this does seem like a place that you could easily just
14:56
like, not go to. Yeah, I mean, everyone left.
14:59
They were like, I'm out. Bye, Felicia.
15:03
But we know who. We know who the zombie girl is,
15:06
though. Home Girl.
15:10
Night out. Are you wanting to relay all of
15:12
that to us via the radio? It's.
15:15
Easy Yor. Go ahead, tell me what you could
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remember from what I've said. Oh.
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God, oh fuck. You'd be a quiz, Sir.
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Give me the footnotes. All right, so apparently the
15:27
whole place was abandoned because the shady deal was going
15:30
on when they sold the land. Home girl was going crazy and
15:35
was supposedly killed. Quote UN quote and apparently
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looks like big goth mommy in front with the axes as a zombie.
15:47
I didn't say she was goth, but nice twist.
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Yeah, why not let me be happy and live my own dreams?
15:54
Are you saying that the female zombie in front of the lodge is
15:58
the one that killed a bunch of people or she got killed, You
16:01
said. She got killed.
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She's daughter, the guy that owned the place.
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What happened to the owner? He sold it and left I guess.
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And then she murdered him. Oh, she killed him.
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Yeah, she she murdered her dad and her two brothers.
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Her dad sold the company and then she killed them and then it
16:23
shut down. Oh, so she snapped.
16:26
Got it. Sheisty.
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Yeah, apparently. Apparently she was arguing with
16:29
somebody in the woods. Herself.
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Maybe. Split personality.
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People be crazy. That's cool.
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I come, I go over the radio game.
16:41
Hazy. Go see what's up with that.
16:44
Give her the old razzle dazzle. Oh hell yeah.
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I'm saying, is he the best person to do that?
16:51
Where y'all keep all the green women at?
16:54
Dude. All right, well, whose turn is
16:57
it? Whose turn is it?
16:58
Oh, it is my turn. Yeah.
17:02
I just go to the next room heading West.
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Oh, she is. Oh, she is.
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I walk in here. Let me roll for investigation,
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baby. Give me one SEC.
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All right, Cool, Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
17:18
I found a nail. It's on the ground pick.
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It up. I'm looking at it.
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It's pulsating. I don't know if I want to touch
17:29
it. Come across the radio.
17:35
Hey, I found another one of those nail thingies.
17:40
Hazy. Come touch this thing is it.
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Is it? Is it pulsating?
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It is pulsating and red and it's sticky looking.
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You yeah, go touch it with your freaky arm thing.
17:55
That that sounds like a job for Hazy.
17:59
Yeah, get over here and come touch this thing.
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Let's just hope it doesn't kill you.
18:03
I'm on it. Yeah, I'm going to run that way.
18:07
All right, so you head over here, Doop, doop, doop, doop.
18:10
You head east, north and. Go through the window.
18:12
Yeah, since I know it's not barricaded, I'm going to run
18:15
through that one. Yeah, you come into this room
18:18
and you, are you going to go pick it up?
18:21
Fuck your ice curd, pick it up. Pick it up.
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With my good hand. With my good hand.
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It's too late. No, I got to.
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Flip a coin. Now you knew which one I was
18:30
there for to do. You, you got to say which hand
18:31
you're going to do with the boys.
18:32
You got to flip. A coin.
18:33
I was literally about to say it. All right, fine, but next time
18:37
you got to say it. I'm pretty sure we all said to
18:40
pick it up with your good hand. OK, you pick it up.
18:44
Hold on. Let me pull up the nails real
18:45
quick. Nothing.
18:47
Nails, white thing. The church.
18:49
Where did my nails go? It's a sense I've never wanted
18:53
to hear. Where did my nails go?
18:57
That is pretty creepy. Just the old day.
19:00
Where did my nails go? Oh no, no, don't want none of
19:05
that hazy give me a look check, but go ahead and give me your
19:12
plus what 5 to it from your arm. With the -1 to my luck, so +4.
19:20
Sorry, it's not a luck one, you're just rolling for AI.
19:23
Guess that'd be your will. So your constitution.
19:26
So you actually add 6. Oh sweet.
19:30
Five from your arm, one from your Constitution.
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Pick that bad boy up. 17. OK, absolutely.
19:40
You pick it up and you're the hand you picked it up with
19:45
starts to bleed black goo that's punctured by your hand.
19:51
The nail is embedded in your hand.
19:52
You are the second coming. Jeez.
19:55
The blood forms thin rivet rivulets that move upward
19:59
against gravity, dripping towards the sky.
20:02
Luckily it's not attaching to your body because your arm is,
20:05
you know, ghost arm. And then you hear hammering in
20:09
your ears, slow and deliberate rhythm with heartbeat, boop,
20:13
boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And then it just slowly fades
20:18
and the all the blood and black ichor just goes back into the
20:23
nail. And then it's just a nail just
20:25
sitting in your hand again and your hands back to normal.
20:29
Peel. That's cool.
20:32
Gross. Put that in my pocket.
20:35
Yeah, put that shit in your pocket.
20:36
I don't want that. No put.
20:39
It in your prison pocket. Oh, hold.
20:45
All right, night out. What are you doing?
20:47
I'm going to go West and investigate the other rooms in
20:49
this building. OK, that one is open and you
20:55
walk right in. Absolutely nothing is in this
20:59
room. Son of a bitch.
21:03
It happens not every cookie is a good cookie.
21:07
God damn it. Sometimes you get them coconut
21:09
cookies. I bet you can't double jump
21:11
through the windows get to the other room.
21:14
Sure as fuck don't do that. No, definitely not.
21:20
I take hazy. We're going to go talk to that
21:23
zombie girl. And as we've been inside there,
21:26
the zombies have continued to move.
21:29
The one zombie is all the way on the east side by the porch.
21:32
She's hopping over the rail. The one zombie is looking in the
21:35
window that you smashed to the shitter outhouse and Hazy and I,
21:40
we're going to, we're going to walk up and we make it to the
21:43
first zombie and actually, sorry, we're going to get real
21:47
close to the zombie. We hear him coming around the
21:49
corner and I kind of just put my hand up to stop you.
21:52
What are we going to do here? Hazy?
21:56
Is it battery? That is why I asked you what
21:59
we're doing. Investigate the one last
22:02
building we have, well, one of three, I guess.
22:05
I ain't worried about no fucking zombies, so I'm going to walk
22:08
like right by them and as soon as I get to the closest point to
22:11
them I'm going to shoot them in the head with my pistol.
22:16
OK, you walk up and soon as you get right in front of him, go
22:20
ahead and give me a shot, see if it works.
22:24
It's probably not going to work. Probably not.
22:28
Oh fuck me. Sounds like it didn't work.
22:31
Yep. Wait, I I roll AD 20 to hit
22:34
right? You roll AD 20 plus your decks.
22:39
Plus the decks. I'll remember this eventually.
22:42
Well, 24 episodes later. Yeah, 22. 22 Oh yeah, bam, you
22:53
nail this dude. 22 that is. Oh yeah, and he just crumples to
22:57
the ground. But when he crumples, you hear
23:02
the ground shaking again. Oh shit.
23:12
See, it's probably not the best to shoot these guys because it
23:15
looks like they're going to protect something.
23:18
I mean, he startled me. He didn't start with you.
23:20
I fucking told you stop. Hey, hey, hey.
23:24
He was coming right? He was coming right for me.
23:26
The ground shakes and it's that same shaking from before, so we
23:30
know more zombies have popped up, even though this one's down
23:35
like a hydra of zombies. I was going to say it's like a
23:38
hydra of zombies. You shoot 1-2 more pop up.
23:42
How about we stop shooting zombies are.
23:45
You are you putting that over the radio?
23:48
I'm the only one that's two and oh right now against zombies so.
23:52
Yeah, because I'm looking out the window and I can definitely
23:54
see one to the southwest that just popped up.
23:59
You can't see him. He's not quite in your line of
24:02
you, but you can. You can hear him to the glass.
24:04
He's just oh, OK. Did you come out of the fucking
24:08
ground or you just like materialize?
24:10
He came out of the ground. I actually I see one to the
24:13
West, 15101520. No, because he's too far.
24:17
There's a figure right outside, like my flashlight area to the
24:22
West of me, but I can hear it's a fucking zombie.
24:24
I don't know if it's the same zombie night out here or if it's
24:27
a different one, but there's a zombie over there and I don't
24:30
like it. Yes, I'll just go over the
24:34
radio. Hey, do you guys see another
24:37
zombie pop up? I saw a zombie pop down.
24:42
Hazy shot one in the ground, shook again.
24:45
God damn it. I I'm snitching.
24:48
I'm snitching. Stop shooting the fucking.
24:51
Zombies, You're not my real dad. You can't tell me what to do.
24:57
My bad. All right, I'm, I'm gonna walk
24:59
past Hazy and I'm gonna, I'm gonna make it within like 10
25:02
feet of the female zombie or 15 feet.
25:05
And when I do, she slightly turns a 45° angle to look to
25:10
keep her eye on me. And I'm like, all right, cool.
25:12
And I just stop right here. Night out.
25:14
You're up. Close enough.
25:17
I'm going to come join you guys because I don't like being by
25:19
myself. OK.
25:22
I'm scared. Come on down you go through the
25:25
2 doors. You come South.
25:27
As you're headed South by the tree that you pass, you notice
25:30
the zombie walking towards you. He's about 15.
25:34
Very sorry, he's 10 feet to your West.
25:38
Oh fuck, run. Running, running, running,
25:40
running, running. All right, you make it.
25:43
You make it about 5:00, 10/15/20 feet down.
25:48
We're not in battle, so you're just going a little ways.
25:50
Hazy. What are you doing?
25:54
All right, I'm going to walk past the zombie I just shot like
25:56
I meant to do that. You did mean to do that.
26:02
You specifically said to do that.
26:05
So I guess I'm going to do like a Jim Carrey in the mask, you
26:09
know, kind of like pull up on it, like, hey, like slide,
26:13
what's up? To the female zombie.
26:15
Yes, yes, Sir. All right, yeah.
26:17
You make it to her, and she turns the face you fully, axes
26:21
not by her side, not ready to fight, but she's at the ready,
26:26
and you come up to her, and you. What do you say?
26:29
Like, hey, what's up, girl? Let me find the dialogue tree
26:34
for. Her, I thought.
26:37
Guess who's back? Back again.
26:40
Hazy's back. Tell Alfred you pull up and you
26:47
say what's up to her. Give me a charisma check for
26:50
her. I used to be so charismatic.
26:56
Used to be then your dad. Used to could have.
26:59
Motherfuck this is going to be fun 01.
27:03
Oh shit. Oh.
27:05
Yeah, Oh. She perceives you as a threat
27:08
when you walk up. When you came up and you were
27:10
like, what's up? She took a swing at you, man,
27:13
and. Bitches.
27:16
And hit you for five points of damage.
27:18
Oh, she's super slow. She just kind of misses.
27:22
She got a 2. Lucky son of a bitch.
27:26
Cool. Like crazy bitches.
27:29
We're not rolling for initiative, but like everyone's
27:31
kind of everyone. Everyone's getting tense now.
27:33
Everyone's getting tense. I don't like it.
27:36
Night out, you make it to me. Yep.
27:39
Because I backed up about 10 feet when she swung at him and I
27:42
was like, no. No, thank you.
27:45
So Night Owl and I are right here, the corner of the shitter,
27:49
and I'm just looking around getting ready to get ready to
27:52
book it when shit goes down. Baby night out.
27:56
Do you? What do you want to shoot her?
27:58
What do you want to do? I don't have any charisma
28:02
either, I don't think. Yeah, I don't.
28:07
Yeah, he just rolled really fucking bad though.
28:10
Let me. Let's be.
28:11
Let's be real. I mean, I can try with my Grace
28:15
over Fox. Look, going over here.
28:18
OK, now I have to ask this night out.
28:23
What? Do you?
28:26
So you're going to walk up to her, you're going to talk to
28:27
her, right? Yeah.
28:29
Do you have your hood up or do you have your hood down?
28:33
Hood down. Down.
28:38
Oh no. Hazy Is your hood up or down?
28:42
Of course it's up always. Fuck.
28:46
OK, that that that explains what happened night out.
28:49
You walk up and you make it. Let's say you go down and E
28:56
about 15 feet right in her line of sight.
29:02
She's looks past hazy and she sees you in a rage.
29:06
She's just like Daddy. I.
29:12
Don't know. Put that up.
29:13
Put that up. Did you just say dad, Daddy?
29:17
Daddy and let's see what she does.
29:21
Doesn't sound like a good one. OK, she goes.
29:26
She goes a run past Hazy, but Hazy just trips her and he's
29:29
like oh that's that's cool. She falls.
29:31
Fuck you. Bitch.
29:33
She's on the ground. Everyone roll for initiative
29:35
now. Fuck. 2. 17 and y'all are
29:41
definitely within 20 feet, so 19.
29:44
That's only for other stuff. It doesn't apply for initiative
29:47
Initiative. It just says new guy supervision
29:50
+2 to any role. That's doing stuff, not
29:54
initiative. Oh God damn it fine 17 I don't
30:01
when you say that. Yes, never good.
30:04
Yeah, no. She fell hazy.
30:07
What'd you get in a 2? Yeah, I got a 2.
30:11
All right, so night out is going to go.
30:12
Then that zombie in the OR sorry, no, she's going to go.
30:15
She's going to go. Then the zombie in the northeast
30:17
going to go. Zombie in the northwest is going
30:19
to go, then I'm going to go. And then the zombie to the north
30:25
or southeast is going to go. And then Haze is going to go
30:27
very, very, very, very, very, very last.
30:31
I'm just plotting. Yeah, Night out.
30:33
What are you doing? Well, first she didn't like me
30:37
having my hood down, so I put that up.
30:40
OK, OK, You put your head up. Fantastic.
30:44
Loving that you're picking up on context clues here.
30:47
Some people don't pay attention. You don't know.
30:51
Yeah, like baby bird. I think Baby Bird pays
30:54
attention. I think he just doesn't care.
30:56
Yeah. He just doesn't give a shit.
30:57
He just does not give a shit. He's against the grade.
31:02
All right, your heads up, I'm not going to count that as a
31:04
move. What else do you want to try and
31:06
do? Fuck, can I try to talk to her
31:10
or can I try shooting her in the head?
31:13
I don't know because it seems like we were trying to guard
31:16
this building Baby Bird fell into.
31:19
Sounds like it. So what do you want to do?
31:22
Talk to her, I guess. Charisma.
31:25
OK, hit me with that charisma. So do I get to add +2 to this?
31:32
Yes, Bow show. OK, you know, Oh, look at that,
31:37
another 19. Oh, very nice.
31:41
It succeeds with whatever you're doing.
31:43
What are you trying to do with her?
31:45
Don't do that. No, no, no.
31:48
Calm her down to figure out what's going on.
31:51
OK, cool. Like, hey, so why are you guys
31:54
surrounding the building, I guess?
31:55
OK, so you said that to her and it's her turn, so she slowly
32:01
gets up. We're out of combat now.
32:03
Oh, thank God. She gets up and she just looks
32:06
at you, you saying that your face is hidden in the hood and
32:09
she goes. Daddy no here.
32:16
And then she just slowly walks back and stands in front of the
32:20
steps again. OK.
32:24
Crisis averted. I've never seen somebody put the
32:28
lid back on a soda so fucking quick and all my life.
32:31
I've never seen a goth girl with daddy issues.
32:34
Wow. You're a fucking liar.
32:37
Yeah, that's a lie. It's like every single one.
32:44
Anyways, cool you You asked her what she was doing here.
32:48
She responded with that and you hear her mumbling under her
32:52
breath. Tech.
32:57
Coffin. Tech coffin.
33:03
And that's it. And she just keeps repeating
33:04
this. Oh great.
33:07
Tech coffin. So I guess we need to find the
33:12
rest of the nails. How many nails are missing?
33:18
Oh fuck I didn't know that was like the first episode shit.
33:22
I don't know how many nails are missing.
33:25
Also, we don't know what the nails do.
33:28
We just found nails. I'm just assuming that there's
33:31
nails missing out the coffin and we found nails and I put two and
33:34
two together. Oh yeah, I think Baby Bird did
33:38
say something about he saw a nail missing out of a coffin.
33:41
He only mentioned 1 and so far we've found how many.
33:44
Hazy took one of mine. Three.
33:46
I think I have one and Hazy has two I guess.
33:51
OK, that's three. Hope that's all the nails that
33:55
we need, wink. We still have three more
33:59
buildings to check. But the it's the rule of three.
34:04
I trust it. Rule 3 OK I can do the rule
34:07
threes. That's very non gypsy of you.
34:10
What? What are we doing here?
34:13
Right. I'm going to spin move off of
34:16
her and get to the porch just like Boop.
34:20
OK, she takes the reaction move. Oh shit.
34:23
She'll probably talk to her first.
34:27
Coffin stay. Yeah, she's full of personality.
34:34
You make it right past her. Oh wait, give me a stealth roll
34:37
first. 17. OK, yeah, You just sneak past
34:42
her. She does not see you.
34:44
Go on to that porch. You don't, Bron.
34:49
You're on the porch, she doesn't see you.
34:52
The other zombies continue to move to circle the house or the
34:57
lodge. Was that my whole move or can I
35:00
like investigate on the porch? They're obviously guarding the
35:03
fucking lodge. If you if you go to investigate
35:06
on the porch, you're going to have to roll incredibly high.
35:09
Otherwise, you're going to have to you're going to draw her
35:11
attention to the noise. Nah, I got you.
35:13
So I'm just going to like get myself into a darker corner than
35:17
right in the middle of the stairwell.
35:20
OK, so you, you're going inside. I mean, it's it's dark as shit
35:24
out here. Is this is this an outdoor
35:26
porch? Yeah, it's a it's a almost wrap
35:28
around porch and it's night time still, however, dawn approaches.
35:35
Hopefully they all go away well. I'm going to get close.
35:37
I want to get closer to the door at least.
35:40
I mean, you can make it inside the door if you want.
35:42
Sure, let's check that. Let's get that door.
35:46
You make it in the door. I say we should all jump down
35:51
the hole to help Baby Bird I. Don't want to do that.
35:55
I'm not going in there. What I'm going to do is I'm
35:57
going to attract this zombie that's headed towards the house
36:00
north of me, not the north north one on the West side, but the
36:04
the one that's like. Oh, I'm between the two
36:07
buildings. Yeah, so I, I walk up here and I
36:11
might say something to him. I, I think I'm going to bust out
36:15
some of that old school charisma.
36:17
I'm from Georgia. I'm going to be like, hey
36:20
brother, what you doing? How's your Mama do?
36:25
Gee, zombie. Oh shit.
36:30
All right, cool. The zombie like slowly looks at
36:32
me and it says then it continues to move towards the house.
36:40
I'm like all right then I'll catch y'all later.
36:43
I'll see y'all in church. Bless your heart.
36:47
Well, what are we doing? Go dogs.
36:51
Bless your heart, Jesus Christ. Fuck that, go pirates.
36:56
Go Tar Heels. It actually hurt me to say that
36:59
I was just trying to be a redneck.
37:01
I mean, we're in Alabama. You should have been like roll
37:03
tat. Oh, I.
37:05
Forgot we're in Alabama. Yeah, roll tat, roll tat.
37:10
Anyways, tell your wife's sister I said hi.
37:14
Wife's sister, Jesus Christ. Yeah, my sister, cousin.
37:19
Better than his Grunkle. Well, I can't tag this in
37:25
Alabama. Nobody wants to watch it now.
37:29
I'm sure they got a sense of humors.
37:31
You mean like unless it's been bred out?
37:35
Jesus Christ, I. Don't think you can do that.
37:38
OK, well, we got some unfortunate stuff going on right
37:42
now. Oh.
37:43
No, I didn't like that. I was going to say, part of me
37:46
wants to show Home Girl the nail that I got.
37:50
Oh, you show her that nail. OK, as you're digging around to
37:55
pull out the nail, dawn breaks without ceremony.
38:00
The sky lightens from bruised purple to pale gold, and as the
38:04
first line of sunlight hits the abandoned lodge, it wavers like
38:08
heat over asphalt. And then it slowly fades from
38:11
existence. Where it once stood is a vast,
38:14
torn wound in the earth. Give me one second.
38:17
Let me adjust this for you boys. Oh shit.
38:21
All. 00. Indeed.
38:26
Oh no, I'm in the middle of that.
38:29
You are in the middle of that. And you're falling.
38:33
Where it once did is a vast torn wound in the earth, a crater
38:36
impossibly wide, its edges smooth as if the land itself
38:40
gave way. Light pours down into it, but
38:43
never reaches the bottom. God damn it, Hazy.
38:47
Hazy. The lodge is gone.
38:50
It. Just yeah, well, I got my
38:51
grappling hook of justice quick throw so.
38:55
Oh yeah, give me a quick reaction time with that then.
38:59
What's the quick reaction that's?
39:02
Going to be your decks plus whatever it is on your.
39:05
Damn it, you have a plus. 4 to decks.
39:07
Yeah, I was about to say no, that's a good thing.
39:10
So D20 plus the four. Plus your Clamour's Keeper,
39:15
which is, well, +2. Nice.
39:17
So yeah, 23. Oh shit, yeah, as soon as it
39:22
disappears. Something about a house just
39:26
disappearing in the night really sets off your gypsy senses so
39:30
you're able to. On the move.
39:32
Pull your gun out quick enough. I got to go that.
39:36
Midnight move, baby. Got to go.
39:38
You shoot it and it it goes. Through the wall.
39:42
The very bottom of the outhouse and it just gets stuck in a
39:44
whole bunch of shit. Nice.
39:46
And you get yanked out and it puts you into the outhouse right
39:52
into the shitter hole. Oh, you had to do that, that
39:55
was. Fun to the shitter hole.
39:59
Unnecessary and deplorable. I did it for the vine anyways.
40:05
Not only does the lodge disappear, but night owl.
40:09
Oh no. And me, who's outside, we
40:12
noticed something else. What, that a motherfucker?
40:15
Batman just went to the shitter. That was impressive but and it
40:19
was loud and it drew attention. But the change in the dead fuck
40:25
is immediate and wrong. Oh no.
40:28
The zombies. As the sun touches them,
40:31
something quiet and purposeful drains out of their eyes.
40:34
The stillness, the hesitation, the half remembered words are
40:38
gone, their demeanor no longer that of a guardian, but of an
40:42
animal hunting for food. Their noses twitch, their eyes
40:46
dart back and forth, fingers crack and squeeze.
40:50
Whatever held them in place, whatever made them guardians,
40:53
has broken with the night. Their movements become more
40:56
animated, clumsier but more urgent, pounding dirt inside of
41:01
standing watch. Their mouths open not to warn or
41:05
repeat old rules, but to groan with hunger.
41:08
You just hear in the distance. All around this hole are just a
41:12
bunch of zombies just. And they're running towards the
41:18
last sound they heard, which was hazy, going through a shitter
41:20
except for the female zombie who's got eyes on Nidal and she
41:24
is on you, God. Damn it.
41:31
And oh, luckily this zombie is headed towards Hazy.
41:34
Not me. Huzzah.
41:36
Of course. Shocker.
41:39
This one zombie makes it into the shitter, but hazy.
41:42
You're hidden into the poop hole, so he's just kind of like
41:45
looking around. You're just in the shit.
41:51
I love my job. So these are like the World War
41:54
Z zombies now? Kind of now.
41:57
God damn it. But it can't.
41:59
It doesn't smell or see you hazy, so you are safe.
42:02
Night out, not so much. Like how you say safe when I'm
42:06
covered in nothing but shit bacteria.
42:08
You. Want to be covered in shit?
42:10
But it's like dried. It's like mostly mud in there.
42:14
That poop bacteria has long since died.
42:17
That does not make me feel any better.
42:20
No, I got you. It's like, it's like, it's like
42:22
a cow. It's like a cow pie.
42:24
Yeah, basically it's a cow pie. It'll come off.
42:28
It's fine. I scared no shit.
42:32
Before we go into battle, Night Owl.
42:36
Yeah. Do you want to try a reflex?
42:39
A reflex throw for all of this? Try and get out of there or do
42:41
something. Yes, definitely try to get out
42:45
of there because I also have a grappling hook.
42:47
Yeah. I can attach it to my bow and
42:50
get on top of the building. I don't know if you'll be able
42:55
to get all of that done in a reflex, but give me a reflex
42:59
throw. See what happens.
43:01
OK, what is it AD 20? Yep.
43:06
So it would be a 16. 16 plus your Dexterity.
43:11
Oh, I forgot about Dexterity 19. OK, so yeah, you make it.
43:20
Give me, let's see, roll AD 12 and I'll tell you which which
43:27
way you go to be safe. Nat 12.
43:31
A12 You head north in, the only openings you see N here are the
43:36
giant hole that baby bird fell into or the shit hole that Hazy
43:39
is in. I'll let you pick ah.
43:43
Fuck me. You just like see me staring out
43:47
of the hole like help me. It's filled.
43:51
Don't do it. Get.
43:52
It get in that poop. You want the poop hole or the
43:55
giant hole? Oh, decisions.
44:00
Yeah, I fucking hate them. Being adults hard.
44:05
This is bullshit. It is.
44:10
What hole? That's what she said.
44:16
Fuck it, I'll grow in the shit hole.
44:18
Go into the shit hole. Because you were bitching at me
44:21
because I wanted to go to the hole and say baby bird.
44:26
Well, I just don't want to go into a gaping hole that
44:28
magically appeared where a building used to be.
44:31
For sure. That sounds problematic.
44:34
To me. Especially with zombies.
44:37
Oh, now you're agreeing with me. Come on.
44:42
While you guys do that, she seems a little preoccupied.
44:44
Let's see five 10/15/2020. Like I'm a good ways away.
44:48
I am right next to this one building, but I don't want to go
44:52
South. I don't want her to hear me, so
44:56
I'm going to go northwest and I guess I'm going to try and jump
45:00
through this window real quick. The one thing I fucking hate
45:03
doing? Oh fucking fancy, buddy.
45:08
Let's hope it's not barricaded. Come on, let it be barricaded.
45:14
Buck yes I go to bash to this thing and I slip and I cut my
45:22
hand causing myself. Bleed damage Far points of
45:27
damage. Jesus Christ.
45:30
You don't. You don't use any swear words
45:32
though, right? No, I say, son of a bitch, son
45:36
of a biscuit. You couldn't help it.
45:38
You saw? I still say bitch, I cut my
45:42
hand. But the problem, gentlemen, is I
45:45
have now shattered glass and made a very loud noise and a lot
45:49
of zombies have come in for me. And that is where we're going to
45:51
end today's episode. Find out next time if I can
45:55
fight off the zombies and if these two can fight off
45:58
dysentery. Welcome to the Oregon Trail.
46:00
And if Coyote is HIV positive? He's about to be now.
46:05
All right, everyone, say goodbye.
46:08
Bye. Transmission loss.
46:14
Teen status unknown.