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Relationship With Money · Divas That Care Network

0:00
SPEAKER_00: It's Divas That Care Radio.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
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SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
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SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women, engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit DivasThatCare.com after the show.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
0:32
SPEAKER_02: We all seem to have that inner critic inside our heads.
0:35
SPEAKER_02: I have a committee, the itty-bitty shitty committee.
0:38
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean, that nagging voice or voices in my case that knocks us down and drags us down the road of self-sabotage and self-neglect.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: A strong, positive sense of self-esteem is your first step to anything you wish to accomplish.
0:52
SPEAKER_02: Discover who you truly are, that gorgeous, talented, fabulous woman who deserves recognition and unconditional love.
0:58
SPEAKER_02: You know the most beautiful thing any woman can wear is self-confidence.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: Here on Confidence in Bloom with the Divas That Care Network, I, Tina Spoletini, speak with women living in their own self-confidence about who they truly are, how they found themselves, and how they care for themselves.
1:14
SPEAKER_02: Today I'm speaking with Angela McCaffrey.
1:18
SPEAKER_02: Angela is deeply committed to empowering individuals in their financial and home ownership journey.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: As a mortgage and certified liability advisor offering services in 49 of the United States, Angela brings a comprehensive view of mortgage planning.
1:34
SPEAKER_02: She considers her clients complete personal and financial picture, ensuring they make informed decisions and feel confident about how they navigate their financial and home ownership choices.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: Her experience in the financial industry began as a financial professional after graduating from Colorado State University with a speech and communications degree, followed by various roles in real estate, real estate investing, and residential and hard money lending.
2:02
SPEAKER_02: Angela is also a dedicated financial educator, committed to providing unbiased financial education with an emphasis on the mindset and personal relationship with money.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: Colorado Board Angela is a proud mother and wife, always aiming to show love, compassion, and guidance to those she is honored to serve.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: She firmly believes that with proper guidance and support, financial well-being and independence is achievable for anyone.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: Welcome, Angela.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Thank you
2:31
SPEAKER_02: so
2:32
SPEAKER_01: much.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy to be here.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: with your clients and deal with money?
3:03
SPEAKER_02: Because money is, you know, not everybody loves money.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Excellent question, actually.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: For me, even though I'm talking a lot of times about, you know, the numbers and budgeting and different things that aren't necessarily the emotional side of things, what's really important to me is trying to understand how it impacts people and their emotions.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: So people might say, this is the monthly payment I want, but I want to know how that monthly payment makes them feel.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: And so just kind of my journey in education and the route that I've been brought, I've noticed that there's not always a lot of emphasis given on the emotional components of money and your relationship with money.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: And so I, as a financial educator, we of course talk about the skill sets of investing and budgeting and everything else.
3:58
SPEAKER_01: But it's really, really important to me and not always discuss that the foundation of everything is your mindset and your relationship with money.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: And so I feel like I'm doing my best to have compassion for the people I talk to.
4:13
SPEAKER_01: I feel like we don't often have a lot of compassion for ourselves, which is unfortunate.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: And so I try to kind of be that person and encourage that in people.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: And I think that we all have our stories, our dreams, our journeys, our challenges, but a lot of times it's unconscious things that are happening.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: So my kind of hope is that I can help people be more aware, self-aware, kind of understand where they are, how they got here, where they want to go, but do it from a loving, compassionate, understanding, human, supportive perspective to help them on their journey.
4:50
SPEAKER_02: Right.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: And now it's been a long time since I've gone to a bank to look for like a mortgage or a loan.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: How do you like show compassion when you have this person or this family in front of you and they are sort of adamant like the bank owes me, like the bank has to give me money?
5:16
SPEAKER_02: Because in my experience, when someone talks like that, they really don't understand how the systems work, number one.
5:25
SPEAKER_02: But generally, they don't really have the credibility to take money from a bank.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: Interesting question.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: So I don't know that I've heard it phrased exactly that way.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: I've definitely run into challenges where– if people might not meet the qualifying terms for something, whether it's their credit scores, their income, something like that, they don't understand or they get frustrated, which is completely understandable.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I think the biggest challenge is it feels like a personal attack.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: I know that it's not uncommon for people to kind of feel like their self-worth is reflected in their net worth, which breaks my heart because it's absolutely not true.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: And so it is hard where, yes, I might be talking about technical things that are not personal guidelines that have been put into place as a result of other people's actions completely unrelated to that individual.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: That might be why they don't qualify.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, it's hard to not take that personally.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: It's hard to not feel like you've done something wrong or beat yourself up or feel anger towards those guidelines And so even though it might not seem like an emotional job I'm in and conversations I'm having at the end of the day, that's largely underlying what we're talking about.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: So it's unfortunate that people think, oh, I don't qualify.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: There's something wrong with me or it's a negative reflection on me when that's not necessarily the case.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: It's just kind of a reality of it.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: But I hate it when it makes people feel not feel happy about their situation or add stress to the situation or kind of deflate them or make it feel like it's hopeless.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm always conscious of how the conversations and the requests and requirements and different things that I have to navigate in my professional career intertwines with those types of topics and feelings.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Right.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: So, I mean, obviously, when you work, you work with your heart.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: You don't work just with your knowledge, right?
7:33
SPEAKER_02: I mean, passion takes heart.
7:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for sure.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: And I really appreciate that.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm not passionate about...
7:40
SPEAKER_01: mortgages specifically.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't, you know, stay up at night, can't wait to look over people's bank statements and their pay stubs and everything.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: But it's what homeownership can bring to people.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: It's what the conversations around it can bring.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: It's what talking about finances and people's dreams and goals and hopes and fears.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: It's that my career allows me and empowers me in having those conversations with people and hopefully, you know, supporting and guiding people and showing them love and support along that journey that that makes me passionate about my career.
8:13
SPEAKER_02: That's beautiful.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: I love that, yeah.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: I don't imagine there's too many people passionate
8:18
SPEAKER_01: about mortgages.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you never know.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: I don't think that many people are like, you know, a kid in elementary school, like, I can't wait to grow up and be a loan officer.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: But you never know, so teach their own.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: But that is not my reason.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: When I was a kid, my dream job was to work in a bank, right?
8:37
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to work downtown.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, when I got into the bank, I realized that there's a lot more to it than just wearing a suit, right?
8:45
SPEAKER_02: Very much.
8:46
SPEAKER_02: Very much so,
8:49
SPEAKER_03: yes.
8:49
SPEAKER_02: That's too funny.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: That is really funny.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: Now, I wanted to talk about, too, like, obviously your core beliefs need to align very much so with your clients.
9:03
SPEAKER_02: You need to be able to explain to them what your beliefs are as far as, you know, how to own a mortgage.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: Am I right?
9:17
SPEAKER_01: A little bit.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: Sort of.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, I have my core beliefs, but I try to have my focus be on...
9:26
SPEAKER_01: empowering people and helping them gain confidence.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: And at the end of the day, that has very little to do with me outside of me kind of knowing the tools in my tool shed and knowing really good questions to ask because my core beliefs might not line up at all with somebody else's core beliefs.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: And so I do my best not to let that get in the way.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: I feel like my approach to mortgages is to do kind of comprehensive overviews.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: It's to collaborate with other individuals and professionals professionals to try to help protect and guide my clients since I only know what I know.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: There's so much out there that I don't know and I would never want to misguide my clients because I didn't realize, oh, there's a tax law around that.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: So I try to know a little bit about a lot of things, but I also always try to help my clients build their team of other professionals so that we can all kind of as a whole support and guide them.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, like I said, it's not really about me, it's about them.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: And so if I get too much in my head about what I think is right or wrong or what my own personal stances are on things if anything I think that's going to harm the situation more because like I said I don't know their story I don't know their journeys I don't know their values I don't know what brings them like ultimate joy so my hope is that I'm not getting in my way and in their way by making it about me and that I can just ask really good questions be really really curious about their situation how they they got there, their fears, what they're excited about, and take all of that into account when I'm educating them on options and helping them understand, like, based on what you shared with me, I feel like this would be a really good solution and strategy for you to kind of keep you on track or help you meet your dreams and goals and sleep at night when you see that mortgage payment come out of your bank account and so on.
11:21
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
11:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, that sounds amazing.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: And that sounds like...
11:28
SPEAKER_02: it's almost hard work because every client is going to be different.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: Every client is going to feel different about, number one, their money situation and the ownership of a mortgage or a loan, right?
11:42
SPEAKER_02: Especially today, I'm hearing all the younger people, like the millennials, they don't want to own homes is what I'm hearing,
11:50
SPEAKER_03: right?
11:50
SPEAKER_03: And
11:51
SPEAKER_02: then you look at the markets and you go, well, no wonder because the prices are crazy, right?
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it definitely can be pretty painful to own a home right now.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: I always kind of laugh at the generations that are a little bit older who, you know, oh, I had an 18% interest rate.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, absolutely, that must have been like horrifying at the time.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, how much did your first home cost?
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh,$60,000.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: Well, try like eight something percent rate at like$650,000.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: It feels a little different.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, that also doesn't we don't want to take away from the challenges in the past and what their mindset was and their realities and whatnot.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it is hard.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: It makes it worthwhile, though.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I feel like the challenging things are a lot of times the rewarding things.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that a lot of mortgage professionals don't acknowledge the emotional piece.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: They might just stay within the, this is what you qualify for based on your credit scores and your income and your assets.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: But I think most of them aren't asking, how do you feel every month when this money leaves your account?
13:00
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel when we have to empty your bank account this much?
13:05
SPEAKER_01: And starting with the financial advising portion of my career and then ending up on the mortgage side, I realized that we're not legally trained, required, taught to do ask about emergency reserves or ask about, hey, have you made sure that you have proper life insurance or disability insurance or something along those lines now that you own this home, now that we've increased your responsibility and liabilities and so on?
13:35
SPEAKER_01: And it kind of scared me and upset me when I was like, wait a minute, if I empty their checking account and give them too high of a monthly payment and now they don't have an emergency reserve account or they can't afford the new additional license they might need, I've done a disservice to them as opposed to, you know, giving them the gift of homeownership.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: So it's something that I'm constantly trying to be conscious of and walk the invisible line of as far as kind of helping them but also making sure that we're not missing out of other really important things to consider in their overall situation when we're making those decisions.
14:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so in my head, I'm trying to understand how you would navigate
14:21
SPEAKER_03: through
14:23
SPEAKER_02: a client's portfolio because if you're saying, you know, I'm going to take two mortgage payments out this month, on the last day of the month, you're going to have like, you know,$25 in the account if you're lucky, right?
14:38
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's a scary thought, right?
14:41
SPEAKER_02: You've got two kids that you have to feed, right?
14:44
SPEAKER_02: Okay, sure, you paid for your mortgage, but you might not have like milk and eggs in the house with$25 left in your account.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: So how do you like, obviously you sit them down and create some kind of a budget with them.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's another challenging walk I'm always kind of navigating between, like I said, starting as a financial professional.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm a financial educator now, and I'm just kind of aware of having a budget is empowering.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: It gives you control.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: It allows you to meet your goals and feel confident about the decisions you make with your money and so on.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I am not a financial advisor.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: I am not– that is not my– focused.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: That is not my trade.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: That is not what I'm offering as a service.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: So in a perfect world, every single client that comes to me would have somebody like that in their life.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: They would have a financial advisor that's looked at their overall dreams and goals and fears and values and help them set up a budget accordingly and help them understand their money stories and help them understand their fears and so on.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: And they're coming to me saying, this is my budget for a monthly payment.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: This is my budget for a down payment.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: And I know because my, you know, my advisor my professional who this is their job this is their jam and everything else has helped me decide those things that would be perfect for me because then i could just take it and be like great here's three options like let's talk through it let's decide what's the right thing for you but we don't live in a perfect world so i do my best to match my clients with a good um person who fits their needs and everything else if I'm able to.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: But I also just try to ask really good questions.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, not everybody has that person.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Not everybody is able or willing to work with that person or get with them in whatever timeframe we have to help them purchase a home.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: So I do try to encourage them to budget.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of really great apps and resources and training and everything else you can do.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: So I do try to at least call that to the forefront of this is really important.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: This is going to set you up for success.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: It's going to set you up to be a successful homeowner and just adult in general.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: But also at the same time, you can't make people do anything.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: So I do my best to make sure that those things are brought up in some capacity so I kind of know where we're coming from, but, you know, I'm not their parents.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: I can only give them suggestions and advice and let them make of it what they will.
17:21
SPEAKER_01: And then from that standpoint, we're just working within the actual parameters of what they do or don't qualify for from, like, a mortgage guideline standpoint.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: Right.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: So I wonder, like, I guess it all depends on the individual and their relationship with their money.
17:40
UNKNOWN: Yeah.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: So you must have like a list of questions that you go through with each of your clients so that you can sort of help them figure out what they need or what they don't need.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: So I kind of the stage of the process and I feel like this applies even to like your money mindset journey to a lot of different things.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: But we have kind of the discovery phase, which is understanding where you are, how you got here, where you want to go.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: So it's diving into those things both on a financial and a home ownership situation, but also just a personal side because those are all intertwined.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: And then from there, once the discovery has happened and I have time to kind of digest and take that information in and go back and kind of look at the tools in my tool shed and different loan products and strategies, repayments strategies, everything else, then I'll come back to them and just say, okay, based on these things you shared with me, I feel like these are some really great options for us to consider.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk through it.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: Let's make this decision together.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: And then once we have that strategy in place, whether it's a refinance, it's a purchase, we're not quite ready now, but we will be in six months or three years, whatever the situation is, then we have also the ongoing kind of maintenance, for lack of better terms.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, whatever the loan that fits your life to is there's a chance tomorrow it might no longer apply or in a couple years, like the real estate market's constantly changing the economy, people's individual situations, and so on.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: And so then it becomes just an ongoing thing.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: So a lot of lenders, a lot of people in the real estate industry, they're reactive.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: And you need a loan today, I'm going to react to that.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: But it's really important to me to do my best to help support my clients in being proactive.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: And so doing annual financial reviews encouraging them to reach out to me throughout their year, throughout different events happening so we can continue to tweak that.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: But it all starts with that discovery.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: So I don't do a pre-approval call.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: I do a dreams and goals call because at the end of the day, that's what it all comes down to is what are their dreams and goals and how can I make sure that whatever mortgage strategy and repayment strategy we talk through aligns with that, keeps them on track with that, and so on.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: So it's a process for sure.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: And it also depends on how well I listen, what questions I ask, but also how engaged the clients are, how willing they are to dive into that, or if they really just want to know, quote, for 20% down conventional loan.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: And then I have to kind of navigate that accordingly as well.
20:18
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: Now, I know that a lot of our core beliefs are sort of ingrained in us starting from the age of, or like kind of, I guess, by the age of seven, like by the age of seven, we kind of already have our strongest belief system created inside of us.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: How does that relate to like our money relationship?
20:45
SPEAKER_01: Most
20:45
SPEAKER_02: seven-year-olds don't really have, like I'm thinking most seven-year-olds really don't have money to really deal with, but we're all also learning from the people around us.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: So yes, as you just said, there have been a lot of studies that have been done that imply, that suggest that a majority of the beliefs and thoughts that we have around money are put into place around the age of seven.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Others reference the age of 12 as far as like a lot of our beliefs being set into stone, which I think is super relevant to realize because I think one, it's I would say kind of terrifying to think of that.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: You're in your own little bubble, your own limited exposure to the world and whatnot.
21:29
SPEAKER_01: I think it's relevant, though, to realize that I think a lot of people's challenges and confidence around their money mindset comes from a very kind of judgmental, disappointed, blaming, not compassionate viewpoint, whether they realize it or not.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: And I think that acknowledging that you know, we don't have a lot.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: Most of us don't have much financial education.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: Most of us don't have open conversations about it.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: Like most of our parents had no clue how to teach us about money if they even had, you know, education around money.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that to your point, a lot of things are put into place when we're very young and we're not really old enough to take a critical look at things.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: And then as we get older, then we're just looking for information that reinforces those things.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: So if you see your parents fighting about money, there's a good chance that you're going to associate money with negative things, negative thoughts.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Like it's something I don't want to talk about.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: Talking about it is negative.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Money brings stress and anxiety and prevents us from having the things we want.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: And it's the thought that those are the things that are put into place so young.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: really just, I think, makes sense as to why a lot of people struggle.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's really important that we kind of step back and have grace with ourselves and stop blaming ourselves and kind of try to change our stories and our beliefs around money to make it serve us rather than hurt us in perpetuating those kind of negative thoughts around money.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
23:11
SPEAKER_02: I have to agree.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: And that's not an easy thing.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: task.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, if you really believe that, like deep down inside, you might not even realize what your money relationship is, right?
23:24
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we've all heard like, you know, like money and food are the same, right?
23:28
SPEAKER_02: We treat our money the way we treat our food or vice versa.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just thinking like in today's world, when moms and dads are doing all their they're purchasing with, you know, a little piece of plastic.
23:43
SPEAKER_02: The kids, they don't, like, they have no way of understanding what that could mean, right?
23:49
SPEAKER_02: I mean, when you go to a bank, you know, you go to a store or you go to a bank machine and you just take money out, the kids don't understand that money has to go into the account in order for it to come out.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: Like, I remember my kids, you know, used to say to me, mom, just go to the bank machine, right?
24:07
SPEAKER_02: Or just take out your card.
24:09
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, well, yeah, I can just take out my card, but I have to pay.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, I have to put money in the card.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: And then they're looking at this little piece of plastic going, well, that's impossible.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: Like, nothing goes inside this card, right?
24:23
SPEAKER_02: And so I would think that today, like, you know, I mean, it was always difficult to show kids that you're putting money into your bank account, right?
24:30
SPEAKER_02: Because you go to a bank teller, but you don't really put it into a box, right?
24:35
SPEAKER_02: That's your money.
24:36
SPEAKER_02: And the kids, you know, kids don't understand that, right?
24:39
SPEAKER_02: It's just numbers on a screen or on a piece of paper.
24:42
SPEAKER_02: But today it's even worse because they're seeing everybody has a bank card.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, kids have play bank cards.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: So they're like, I have it, you have it.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: You know, what's the value of this?
24:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: So how did, like, I mean, I would imagine, like, as a mortgage, you know, finder, you must talk with families first.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: about like how their kids are learning as well.
25:06
SPEAKER_02: I mean, or at least I would, you know, I think I would to some degree.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: So first of all, I'm not a therapist.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm not a financial professional.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: And it's also there's a lot of ground to cover in the mortgage conversation.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: So I wish that I had time with all of my clients to dive into such, you know, this hot topic that's so popular crucial and would make such a difference.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: But the reality is I don't for all of mine.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: It's a kind of dream goal of mine to put together something that is helping teach parents to teach their kids about money because, you know, we're chatting, you know, mentioning how young a lot of our beliefs and everything around money and values and whatnot are set in stone at such a young age.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Like that's going to be us addressing kind of the root cause and where it starts and making the biggest difference.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: But that's a big topic.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: It's individual.
26:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's individual per person.
26:08
SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm teaching the parent to teach the kid something and the parent doesn't believe it because they have their own work to do or they just disagree with it, it just doesn't match their values, that's not going to be helpful either.
26:18
SPEAKER_01: So it is something where I do kind of mention it.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: You can start teaching kids about money as young as the age of three.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: So, of course, you're not teaching them like this is a$5 bill and this is what you can buy with it because that's not going to necessarily make sense to them.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: But you can start teaching them about the value of time.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: So, okay, you don't want to go to daycare today.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Well, mommy and daddy are able to work today and that's kind of how it works.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: So we want to afford this nice home.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: We want to afford the adventures we want to go on.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: We want to afford the new toy that you wanted and for us to be able to to do that, mommy and daddy have to spend time, if we're lucky, during the day working so that we can have these things.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: So you can kind of start abstractly talking about things, but I'm still struggling, I'm still learning how to do that.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: So it's constantly something that we're all learning and navigating and trying to be better at, but to your point, like this little piece of paper, like you pushed a button and we got the money, like that's a hard thing to navigate around.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, like our words matter.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: So instead of, no, we can't afford that right now.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: And then you go buy something and they're like, well, why can you afford that?
27:29
SPEAKER_01: Like, they're smart.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: We don't want to, you know, violate their trust.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: But if you say something along the lines of that is not a priority in our budget right now.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: You know, we are prioritizing the family vacation.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: We are prioritizing food.
27:44
SPEAKER_01: We're prioritizing.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: electricity so that we can have lights and heat and everything else.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: And so it's about for ourselves being super conscious of the language we use and think and share with our children.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: And it's also taking the time to stop and have those conversations because they really are crucial, helping them understand delayed gratification and working for things.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: And money, yes, it can be stressful for some people, but it's a gift.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: It's something, it's a tool that allows us to go on that vacation and to have this nice home and to buy, you know, that cool bike that you love playing with, that type of thing.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: So if we can be conscious of that and start kind of explaining it to them and things that are relevant to them, that's where we can start kind of helping them see money in a way that is positive and that they can get excited about and whatnot.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: I remember when my kids were younger.
28:41
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, they would throw that in my face.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, well, you just said no to buying me an ice cream.
28:46
SPEAKER_02: And now you're going and you're buying that.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: And I would just answer back with, you know, I only have so much money.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: And today I have money for this, but I don't have money for the ice cream or the toy or whatever it was that they're crying about.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: And as they got older, I would start to hear them sort of repeat that.
29:07
SPEAKER_02: Mom, I know that you have to go to the grocery store later and you have to buy groceries, but do you have extra money so we can go for lunch?
29:16
SPEAKER_02: So for me, I was like, okay, so they're understanding the whole process like the whole budgeting idea, right?
29:24
SPEAKER_01: Right.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: And I think, like, my youngest one, maybe not, but my older two, I mean, they're out of school now, so they're, you know, not, I have one that's on her own, but she's, like, I can see that she does budget, but, you know, living by budget is...
29:42
SPEAKER_02: super, super hard, right?
29:45
SPEAKER_02: Because you think, okay, you know, and I remember watching a show, I can't remember the name of it, but it was a Canadian show, and she used to put, like she would go in and help families that were having money problems, and she would budget their money, and she would put jars on top of their fireplace, and she would say to them, you know, this jar is for that, this jar is for that, and when it's empty, that means you can't do that anymore, right?
30:11
SPEAKER_02: And so these families would struggle because they're like, well, I've been doing it for all this time.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: So they would try to take money out of this jar for that and that for this.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: And I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, she's trying to teach you how to live within your means, and you're not getting it.
30:32
SPEAKER_02: I used to like those shows.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I love that.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: I love a lot of...
30:41
SPEAKER_01: you know, understanding that like, you know, to me, I think one struggle that, um, people have is they think that money is limited.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, so yes, what I have in my bank account right now is, you know, X number.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: So I'm not going to just magically have a million dollars in there today, unless something amazing happens, which I will happily share with everyone.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: But, um, I think that, um, Your language really matters.
31:08
SPEAKER_01: So like I said, as far as like we don't have money for that, that's not an incorrect statement.
31:14
SPEAKER_01: But if you want to turn it around and reframe it of that is not a priority in our budget right now, but if we really, really want that, then we can continue to make it more of a priority.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't have to be a no, no, no.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: People joke that budgeting is a four-letter word.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: It's something that people hate.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: It's negative, et cetera.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: But I think that goes back to the mindset thing again.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: So once again, you can teach the skill set of budgeting and compound interest and everything else, but there's a million different ways to budget and different amazing budgeting apps out there and so on.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: But if you're not stopping and talking people through, how does the word budget make you feel?
31:56
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel about budgeting?
31:59
SPEAKER_01: Do you get excited about it?
32:00
SPEAKER_01: Do you understand it?
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Do you have confidence?
32:02
SPEAKER_01: Do you feel like it's a tool to help you?
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Or do you feel like it's just a negative thing constantly telling you that you aren't where you want to be?
32:09
SPEAKER_01: Because those are all thoughts.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: and none of them necessarily are true.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: And so it's about being honest and aware and taking time to think through what you think about budgeting.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: And then asking yourself, is this true?
32:26
SPEAKER_01: Does this serve me?
32:27
SPEAKER_01: Can this change?
32:28
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't start addressing the mindset side of things, it doesn't matter what tools you have for budgeting.
32:35
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter how many trainings and how many approaches you can take to it because at the end of the day, if you have a negative association with budgeting and you feel kind of gross around the topic, you're not setting yourself up for success or for sustaining whatever approach you're taking.
32:53
SPEAKER_01: So going back to kind of the mindset and how critical that is, if you're struggling with budgeting, the problem probably isn't that you're using the wrong tools.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: It's that you're not being more aware and honest and intentional with your emotions around money and making sure that what you're budgeting for is really the things that you truly value that bring joy to your life.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: And so a lot of times the problem is you kind of need to back up and think about the hidden, invisible things things first if you truly want to have success with things like budgeting or, like you said, helping your kids understand, like, mom, do we have money left over for food, you know, for something, for a snack or something.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's incredible.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: But the hope is if the answer is no, there's not this, like, huge negative, like, let down instead it's you know we don't because we're saving for this vacation that we all talked about what you know we really wanted so if there's a way to always kind of tie it back to a positive thing and if we're saying no like there's a positive reason and we have control over that as opposed to it's just something we don't have control over.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, those are all really important things that I'm constantly trying to be more aware of and do more of and that I think really not only help serve us as adults but also as parents and also we're helping them kind of be intentional and reframe their thoughts around those things.
34:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that totally makes sense.
34:23
SPEAKER_02: And while you were explaining that, I was thinking, yeah, the word budget, it's kind of like the word diet, right?
34:29
SPEAKER_02: Like as soon as you hear we need to budget our money, you're also telling me to go on a diet, right?
34:36
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's how it made me feel when you said that.
34:40
SPEAKER_02: And I thought, yeah, that is not a positive word.
34:42
SPEAKER_02: That doesn't make me want to budget.
34:45
SPEAKER_02: Right?
34:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, it doesn't make me look at my money and go, okay, so where should
34:49
SPEAKER_01: I spend it?
34:49
SPEAKER_01: Right?
34:51
SPEAKER_01: Right.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, and so just pay attention to your language around that, is you're saying it's not a positive word, but what you're saying is, for you, it's not a positive word.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: And another word you can add to that is yet.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, well, and it's it's normal.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: Like that's what you just said is for you, that's your truth right now.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: And for a lot of people, that is the truth.
35:13
SPEAKER_01: But what you can do once again is kind of look at that.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people, um, and I, I'm guilty of that.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: I, this, I struggle with it.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: It's a constant, you know, thing that I'm navigating and have ups and downs on.
35:24
SPEAKER_01: But, um, you know, do we want to look at budget as something that's restrictive?
35:29
UNKNOWN: Um,
35:29
SPEAKER_01: or do we want to look at it as a tool that helps us meet our goals, as a tool that helps us feel confident about where our money is coming in and what we're doing with it and that it's working towards the things that are going to bring us happiness.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: And so the hard thing is a lot of times it doesn't feel that way for people because they have a lot of kind of work and they still have a bit of a journey to do to have a better relationship with money and get excited about what it can do and, you know, I, I encourage people with like different mantras.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: Like I love my money.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: Like my money loves me.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Like I take care of my money and my money takes care of me.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: Like it's, it's just about kind of reframing the relationship around money.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's, it's not an overnight thing.
36:14
SPEAKER_01: It's an ongoing process.
36:15
SPEAKER_01: And it's, It's a hidden thing.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: It's something that's not talked about often, and it's not necessarily a comfortable thing to navigate, but it's really important, and it's really, really, truly powerful when you can start that journey and kind of navigate your way through it.
36:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like you would be great at, like, walking people through the whole relationship mending of, you know, their relationship with their money, right?
36:46
SPEAKER_02: And I think it all comes down to, like, your self-care and your self-confidence, how you feel in yourself.
36:53
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
36:54
SPEAKER_02: Right?
36:55
SPEAKER_02: Like, I feel like it's all relatable.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's all intertwined together.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, the way you treat yourself is how you're going to treat your money.
37:05
SPEAKER_02: And the way, you know, you see yourself is how you're going to see your money.
37:10
SPEAKER_02: So self-worth is not your net worth, like you said earlier.
37:13
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, you see it, you know, you should see it as kind of, well, no, I don't want to say that you should see it the same, but you should raise your bar, right?
37:26
SPEAKER_02: Raise the bar on what you are worth because you're not worth what your money is worth.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Right.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that, you know, coming back to, like, confidence in money and self-confidence in money, you Your strategies and tools around navigating your relationship with money a lot of times are the same of navigating your personal relationships with your spouse and your partners and yourself.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: And it comes down to, at the end of the day, kind of my interpretation of self-confidence.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: It's your belief in your ability to do new things.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: So you don't have to have...
38:03
SPEAKER_01: the knowledge and the experience and the tools and the information around how to more successfully budget and be excited about it and do it to the level that you want to be doing it at, to have the self-confidence that you need can do it that there are resources out there that you're motivated and intelligent and capable enough to do that that you deserve it that you have um you know the self-love to say you know what i deserve this i want this i'm going to give this to myself and to my family and so there's a lot of um kind of stuff you need to take with it but it begins with the self-confidence and the belief that you can do new things.
38:46
SPEAKER_01: And that's something that isn't just something that's innately built in everyone.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: That's something that you have to keep working at.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: And you have to, you know, it's an ongoing journey.
38:56
SPEAKER_01: I always equate your relationship with money to exercising.
39:02
SPEAKER_01: So you've got, you know, I'd say the budgeting and the compound interest and investing and all those, that's like the lifting the weights, showing up, you know, at the gym, doing the work.
39:11
SPEAKER_01: But if you are not feeding your body with good food, if you're not drinking the water, if you're not getting the right sleep at night, then you're not going to have as much success as you can.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: It's not going to be as sustainable.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: It's not going to be as rewarding.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: It's going to take a lot more effort.
39:31
SPEAKER_01: You're probably going to kind of fall off the horse more often than not.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: And so if we just look at the skills, but we're not stopping and honoring the fact that there's a mindset and emotional relationship side of it that should be addressed first, it's going to be probably a tougher journey for people.
39:51
SPEAKER_01: So I just try to help people understand how critical it is and how that's the foundation of everything so that we can go back and work on that self-confidence and whatnot to help us be happier and have more success in those things.
40:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
40:06
SPEAKER_02: I love exactly, like the way you explained it just now is like perfect.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: So tell our listeners where they can find you.
40:14
SPEAKER_02: I know I'm going to be putting your like social media links on the show notes, but tell us where the easiest place to find you is.
40:23
SPEAKER_01: So right now, if you just want to go to my website, it's yourhomecanhelpyou.com.
40:28
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of resources.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: You can book online calls with me for free if you're interested in connecting, whether it's about mortgages or money or just anything.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm always looking to meet new connections, learn new things.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: There's so much for me to learn, and I'm always trying to learn more for myself to help others.
40:47
SPEAKER_01: I've got some educational resources on there.
40:50
SPEAKER_01: So there's some things where it's kind of self-pay online financial literacy courses, just a lot of cool tools, technology to help you manage being a homeowner and whatnot.
41:03
SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot of resources on there.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, if people want to go there, my email, my contact, they can text, email, call, whatever is easiest.
41:12
SPEAKER_01: But I'm here to connect with people, help people, and I'm always grateful for the lessons that I get from those interactions as well.
41:21
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
41:22
SPEAKER_02: Excuse me.
41:23
SPEAKER_02: I just love that.
41:25
SPEAKER_02: And one more thing I'd like for you to tell our listeners is if you could give them like one hint or one tip to be prepared with before they go to a mortgage broker or a bank for a mortgage, what would that be?
41:43
SPEAKER_02: I
41:46
SPEAKER_01: think that...
41:47
SPEAKER_01: just like any interaction we have with any professional.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: We have to be our own advocate.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: And so if the person is just shoving information at you, but they're not learning a lot about you, they're not asking questions about you as a person, your goals, your overall situation, and they're just purely interested in what's your income, what's your credit score, maybe take pause in that.
42:11
SPEAKER_01: Maybe, you know, I'm always happy even if I don't work with you.
42:14
SPEAKER_01: I don't currently do loans outside the U.S.
42:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm always happy to chat with people, look at like numbers and kind of run through things.
42:21
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I think the fact that your home ownership part of your puzzle affects so much of your life.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: And if you're talking to a professional and they are not talking about that and acknowledging that and trying to make sure that those things align and complement each other, maybe just take pause and consider looking elsewhere just because you're kind of doing yourself a detriment and you're also working with somebody who hasn't been trained or isn't, you know, interested, concerned, aware of approaching things from that standpoint.
42:58
SPEAKER_01: So I think you just want to be your own professional Like I said, you want to stand up for yourself.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: You want to make sure that that person is truly interested in you and what is important to you.
43:09
SPEAKER_01: And if you feel like they're not listening to you or asking those questions, they very likely are not the best fit for you as far as helping you find the best mortgage and be a successful homeowner overall.
43:22
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
43:23
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for saying that.
43:25
SPEAKER_02: I think we need to understand that it's not just money anymore.
43:31
SPEAKER_02: Right.
43:32
SPEAKER_02: I mean, this is our home.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: This is our future.
43:35
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, it's important that whoever we're getting our money from knows who we are.
43:39
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
43:41
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today.
43:42
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm so honored to be here, and I look forward to connecting with whoever wants to reach out.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: And, of course, as you know personally, I'm always here to help support you as well.
43:54
SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
43:54
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: Take care.
43:58
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: Confidence in Bloom is a celebration of self-love, a confirmation that you're an amazing, desirable, brilliant, gorgeous, talented woman, even though you may not look like a screen star or a supermodel.
44:09
SPEAKER_02: The truth is they don't even look like that.
44:11
SPEAKER_02: We offer unconditional love to our partners, our children, our extended family, even our pets.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: It's high time we got out of our own way and learned to unconditionally love ourselves.
44:20
SPEAKER_02: Chic definitely does come in every shape, so if you want something to believe, start with yourself.
44:26
SPEAKER_02: If you'd like to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom and chat with me, contact me through Instagram at infobloomstyling or by email at tina at infobloomstyling.com or through the Divas That Care website.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
44:44
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