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Kristen Ancker - Positive Discipline in the Real World · She’s Smart

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Hey, everybody. Welcome to She's Smart. I'm your host, Maria Robotham.
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Today, we are diving into the world of parenting, education,
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and surviving the teen years with your sanity, mostly intact.
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My guest today is Kristen Anker, a Montessori-trained educator,
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certified positive discipline facilitator, mindset coach, school consultant, and mom of three.
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With over 25 years of experience, Kristen helps parents and teachers navigate
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everything from toddler meltdowns to teenage eye rolls using tools rooted in
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connection, respect, and resilience.
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In this episode, we talk about what positive discipline really means,
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spoiler alert, it's not permissive parenting,
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how to get out the door without losing your mind, and why connection before
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correction is the game-changing shift most of us never learned growing up.
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Kristen also opens up about the real-life chaos behind morning routines,
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how she found this path, and what inspired her to start leading women's wellness retreats.
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So if you've ever questioned your parenting approach or wondered how to raise
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respectful, independent kids without losing your cool, then this episode is for you.
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So get cozy as we connect, learn, and laugh together on She's Smart.
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Music.
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Having. I'm glad this finally happened. I'm talking about this forever.
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Well, right before you started the podcast, you go, I'm starting a podcast and
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you've been good. You were right on time. I was determined.
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The launch was a little tough because it was the first episode launched the
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day after the election. It wasn't a great feeling, but it vibed up from there and it's been awesome.
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I have a whole bunch of questions for you and I'm so excited to get into this.
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I was just talking to Tyler downstairs about disciplining teenagers.
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I can't wait to get into that because let me tell you, what a shit show.
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You're in a whole new world. I feel like I'm the meanest person on the planet.
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But I realize it takes two to tango in all this, but that's been a big part of my life lately.
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So my question is, what kind of kid were you?
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So I'm a middle child. Okay. I definitely have that middle child go between. I was a mediator.
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My sister and I, she's two years older. My brother's three years younger. I was a good girl.
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Or so they thought. You know, definitely in my teenage years,
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I did some rebelling. That sounds like my husband.
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Oh, and he's 100% the mediator, the go-between.
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Absolutely. He was also the one who did the most that nobody knew about.
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What happens to the middle child?
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They think she's doing okay. I was good in school. I got good grades,
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which was like, I don't know how that happened.
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But you do what the teachers tell you to do.
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I like to learn, actually. I actually enjoyed school. So that was probably when
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you went to college, did you study psychology?
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What brought you into this realm of not only positive discipline,
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but you also help teachers, you help schools.
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What did you study to go into that? I actually went to college for communications,
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which I think is good to have as a minor. I'm a minor in communications.
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I thought I wanted to be in broadcasting or something. I was on the radio at
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the UNH for a couple sessions and I was like, I don't think I want to do this.
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So I did switch to education my junior year.
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I played field hockey in college and a few of my field hockey players were in
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this early childhood, like we had a program and there was a preschool right on the campus.
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So I was studying in the preschool. We were studying Reggio Emilia.
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I was like, OK, I'm going to be a teacher. So probably my junior year I started.
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And then I went on to get my master's after.
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And then I got my Montessori degree. I was going to school in Connecticut,
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University of New Haven.
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So my husband jokes, I went to University of New Hampshire, then to University
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of New Haven for grad school.
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So I'm the only person who's UNH. I'm like, UNH proud.
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There's no confusion. Go blue. So then...
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I was looking for a job in Boston, and I got a job at a Montessori school.
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And I didn't know about Montessori. Yeah. So then I studied Montessori.
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You studied that. Reggio Emilia.
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We looked at that when we were coming to Connecticut because one of the schools focused on that.
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The co-op. The co-op does, right? So that's where we ended up,
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which makes sense. But what is the difference between the Montessori and the
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Reggio Emilia, the education part of it?
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So I had just done a workshop with a group of preschool teachers in the spring.
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We went through three progressive approaches because this was a public preschool
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and I'm going to actually be teaching them positive discipline in the fall.
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So I kind of went in and I said, let's do a case study of Reggio Emilia,
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Waldorf and Montessori.
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And these are teachers like preschool teachers that might not have had early
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childhood, you know, like they're just wanted to be a preschool teacher.
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So we studied all three of them and Montessori is the one I know best,
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because that's the one I'm certified in.
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And basically, Dr. Maria Montessori,
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she was the first female physician in Italy, or one of the first.
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She studied children. She was a doctor, but because she was the first female
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doctor, she couldn't do all the stuff that the boys could do.
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So I love Dr. Maria. She was a badass. There are stories that she used to smoke
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cigars so that she could work on cadavers alone, studying medicine.
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The men couldn't be near her. I think there was actually a documentary not too
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long ago that came out about Dr. Marie Montessori. She had quite the life.
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I want to watch that. I know, right? It's fascinating. She was a doctor and
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the job that she got was studying children at an insane asylum back in the day.
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It was just children that had special needs.
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They institutionalized them. She was studying them and they were playing with
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their food and not behaving.
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She goes, oh, no, no, no. They don't
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need discipline. And they need an environment that they can learn in.
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So she created all these Montessori materials.
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And she studied under two French physicians, Jeanne Attard and Edouard Seguin.
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They were working with children with special needs.
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Maria Montessori's materials are so hands-on.
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People are like, oh, some kids aren't meant for Montessori. I'm like,
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no, all kids are meant for Montessori. A lot of manipulatives. Manipulatives.
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They're using their five senses. They're visual.
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They're beautiful, too. in three to six, which is what I'm trained in,
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preschool, kindergarten.
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It's a lot of base 10. So they really get the numeration of this is one,
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this is two, this is three.
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And the teachers just speak. They're not baby talk. They're not speaking down.
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Nomenclature is big. We want to use the proper vocabulary. So I was really blessed
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to have that certification, my Montessori degree, because I was like,
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wow, now I really know these kids, this age group. And what's Waldorf?
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Waldorf is based on...
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Oh, it's so beautiful. There's a beautiful school near here,
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Apple Blossom School in Wilton.
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The Austrian doctor, I'm forgetting his name right now, but it's Rudolf Steiner.
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It's very heart, soul, very hands-on as well. They definitely honor childhood.
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So birth to age seven, there's not a lot of academics, but what they're doing
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is building the spirit of the child.
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And I'm not a Waldorf-certified teacher, but I did send my kids there when we
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moved to Wilton before we moved to Weston.
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I had just had my second, and so we went to a parent and child class.
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I went with Annie, and I did it with Walt, too. Annie's in eighth grade. Wow.
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That's exciting. It's crazy. Oh, man. And Walt's in fifth with Grayson.
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So Waldorf and then Reggio Emilia.
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What is that? Yeah, so that, I feel like you're going to see that in a lot more
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of the preschools around here because it's project-based.
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Okay. So it was really cool. You're working to the child's interest.
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Same with Montessori and Waldorf too.
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The co-op really does say they are a Reggio Emilia program, I think.
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So they play to the child's interest. Then they'll create a project about it and go deep.
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Lots of art and crafts around this thing. The teachers are learning and documenting
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and talking to each other. Very collaborative.
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So, yeah, there are three different approaches. And I had done it for this preschool
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because it's good to see different approaches.
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And then maybe take a little bit from each of them. Yeah.
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When the co-op, I remember the kids got interested in all the sticks outside on the playground.
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This was when they were in the
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force program. And they built like a teepee outside with all the sticks.
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The teachers were like, they're interested in this. So let's do building.
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Let's create something.
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Teamwork. Building. Structure. How is it going to work?
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How is it going to fit? Are you going to get in? And imagine those teachers are so special there.
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Yeah, it's so special. I remember going back when Easton was in kindergarten
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and asking them questions because I didn't know what I was doing.
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I'm like, I need your help. That's what I think of with that Waldorf school that I went to.
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I thought, here I am, this Montessori teacher, like, I'm going to be really good at being a mom.
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My kids are going to do what I say. My house is going to look like.
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And it was so not the case. I was really challenged by my older one.
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She wasn't going to sit in the car seat when I wanted her to sit in the car
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seat. And she didn't want to wear what I wanted her to wear.
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And so I was like, I needed more tools. And it was really great to talk to those
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Waldorf teachers, too. And I remember this one teacher just being like,
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yeah, sometimes my house is picked up and sometimes it's not. It's a complete mess.
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And, you know, kids are, they are who they are.
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And to just not worry so much, you know, I think I was a little bit worried.
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Like, oh, my gosh, what am I doing wrong? How come they're not behaving?
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Yeah, I think we all do that. I did that. I still do that. It's not a perfect science.
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And I think we all fail every single day many times.
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And then we just keep going and try again the next day.
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So you went to Montessori and then you started learning about this positive
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discipline. So that was after. That was after.
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I was a Montessori educator and then I was the director of a preschool kindergarten
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program and then I was the assistant head of school.
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So it was when I was the assistant head of school, I was kind of like that disciplinarian.
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All the kids would come into my office and the teachers because they,
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of course, had some, you know, discipline, everyone and the parents.
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But this was before I was a parent.
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And so I did help them to create a health and life skills curriculum.
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And we started to talk about discipline.
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But it wasn't until after I
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stopped working full time and we moved to Connecticut. We were in Boston.
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And when I was consulting at a school and talking to the head of school, I was like,
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this is really hard. It's really hard.
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I thought I didn't realize it'd be this hard. And she goes, oh,
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have you ever heard a positive discipline?
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And I go, oh, yeah, we had those books. And I saw Jay Nelson speak.
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So then I delved deep and I brushed off the positive discipline for preschoolers book.
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And I'm like, oh, and it resonated with my Montessori background.
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So I got certified to be a positive discipline facilitator for parents first.
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I was pregnant with my second when I did that.
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And then I was pregnant with my third when I was getting certified to be a positive
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discipline for educators.
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I was doing more school consulting and I wanted to be able to teach the teachers and the parents.
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So what's the basis of it? So positive discipline, it's based on the work of
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Dr. Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikers.
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People call themselves Adlerians. So there is an Adlerian psychology.
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And it's based on the concept that all human beings should be treated with dignity and respect.
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They were saying this in the 1920s and 1930s when people weren't being treated
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with dignity and respect. Yeah.
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Dreyker's brought it to America and was teaching within child's guidance centers
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and teaching parents this radical idea that all human beings should be treated
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with dignity and respect.
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And that there's a universal need. We all have these six universal needs,
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but the one that they're focused on is the need of belonging and significance. Yeah.
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So all human beings need to feel belonging and significance.
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And if they don't feel that perception, they're going to misbehave.
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And the misbehavior, and they even broke it down to a science.
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So I have like a mistaken goal chart where I help parents to kind of become
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like the detective of their child's misbehavior.
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And it's like, OK, so how are you feeling inside?
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So we'll ask the parent, like, what are you feeling?
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And if you're feeling, you know, anxious, worried or guilty,
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it's probably just undue attention.
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The child is undue attention. They want your attention. They're going to get it anyway.
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They are going to try to get it and they're going to misbehave to get it because
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that gets it quicker. You know, kids are really good scientists.
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They figure out what works and what doesn't work.
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Or it could look like misguided power. And that's when you see it with that,
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the three-year-old, the four-year-old that wants to do it my way.
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And it's good for the parent to realize that. Where am I being a little over-controlling?
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For me, it was the outfits that Maggie chose. And I was like,
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why am I worried about what she wears? Am I worried about what the neighbors are thinking of me?
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Who cares? Let her wear what she's going to wear. So misguided powers won. Mine was tying shoes.
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Just let me tie the shoes. Let me tie the damn shoes. We have to get out the door.
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And then I think I went back to what you had spoken about. This is a very important moment.
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They have to do this themselves. I can take an extra minute or five to let him
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tie his damn shoes because this is important that he does this himself.
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And there was always that struggle. I can do it. Me. Me do it. Me do it.
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Yeah. It's a hard one to step back from. It is a really hard one.
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When you're like moving, you know.
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It's so good. I remember when I did that talk and you had said something,
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they're doing their lunchboxes now. They're helping out with their backpacks. Yep.
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And it's just little things they can do themselves. And that's like a Montessori
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thing. They say, help me to do it myself. Yes. Help me to do it myself.
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And to set them up for success too. The next mistaken goal would be assumed inadequacy.
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Assumed inadequacy would look like, oh, I can't do it. I'm just going to give up.
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And maybe that's because that
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child wasn't given these times to be challenged a little bit and to fail.
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You know, it's okay. You're going to fail. Yeah.
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And failure is part of learning. It's such an important lesson.
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And I don't feel like we do enough of that because we get the snowplow parent.
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I'll never forget when we went
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to the middle school meeting and the principal showed us this picture.
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You knew what the helicopter parent was. Kind of just sitting there watching
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and making sure. But the snowplow parent, I had never heard that phrase before,
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where you're the one who's literally plowing the way for them to just walk right
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through. So easy breezy.
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And that one resonated. I'm like, ooh, I don't want to be that parent.
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I might be doing that. I don't want to be that parent. I'm going to make things harder now.
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And it's finding the balance, too. It's hard. And I have three kids.
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So I was a different parent for my first than I was for my third.
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And to think of the shoe tying, I think I was tying Walt's shoes a lot later
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than I tied Maggie's because I was like, we got to go. We got to go. You're the third.
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Yeah. And then I realized I need to give him time to do this.
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Yeah. And, you know, I was like, OK, I need to rethink how are we getting out
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of this house in the morning and what's the routine and we got to fix something
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and letting him have the time to do it himself. What does a routine look like
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now when you're getting out of the house?
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Because I will tell you, for years, I left the house every single morning screaming
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at my child to get out of the house that they weren't moving fast enough.
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So I can't tell you I have a good morning routine. Because if you were to have
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a video camera in my house, like, there is some yelling.
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It's not an easy science. But one of the first things I teach in any positive
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discipline workshop or one-on-one is how to create a morning routine with your
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child and a nighttime routine with your kids. Yes.
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I'm going to first talk about my personal experience and I'll talk about what that looks like.
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The morning routine is hard. I am realizing what we need to do differently.
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So I am taking a step back. I'm looking at it.
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Two kids are getting to school just fine. There's one that might need some more
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support. We're working on it.
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And oh my God, she's so similar to me. Like that's how I was.
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And there's some attention stuff there that we're like, maybe time is we don't
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have a part of that part of our brain. You know, like there is some executive
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functioning skills that we actually still have to teach.
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We will go into executive functioning after that because that's a huge discussion.
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I'm really learning a lot about that right now.
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They might not be teaching it at school. So we as parents are having to teach
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these executive functioning skills.
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The kids do have to be taught that. I'm learning what I need to do to get myself
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ready so that I can be all hands on deck for my kids.
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That's what we do. Like mornings, I'm making breakfast.
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I feel really happy that I'm giving them a nourishing breakfast.
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That is a priority for me. So I make that happen.
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I am probably making them lunch. Street elite Montessorians would be like,
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oh, the children should make their own lunch.
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No, my mom made me lunch and I'm going to make my kids lunch.
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We have to be downstairs at a certain time. We know we have to leave at a certain time.
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There's still some yelling. We're still figuring it out. So I got Alexa to help.
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Alexa can help. And my 16-year-old uses Alexa. Yeah.
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Oh, she's got it down. So my 16-year-old is now driving. Oh, wow.
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And she wants to be to school on time. So it's really, you know,
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maybe I did something right because she is.
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She's at school on time. And it's her independence doing it.
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And she's like, I want to be to school on time.
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So Easton was missing the bus every single morning so long that he put a timer on Alexa.
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And he goes, Alexa, set a reminder to 710 every morning. What do you want the reminder to say?
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Easton, get your ass on the bus. So every morning, Alexa at 7.10 goes,
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Easton, get your ass on the bus.
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And it is the greatest moment. I'm going to have to do that to my daughter's
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Alexa right now. And he goes.
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Yeah. I am with you. So I have to get her to do it because I think that's also
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the, you know. Yeah, he did it. With this teenager. Now, I also wake him up in the morning.
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Like there are certain things that I know he's going to have to learn.
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But for me, I'm of the same camp. I have that moment for them in the morning.
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I make it happen. I want to see them in the morning.
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I want to give them breakfast. I don't know what they're going to eat the rest
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of the day except for lunch.
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They still make Easton's lunch.
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You don't know what they're getting at the snacks and all that stuff.
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I find it to be important if they have one nourishing meal and I get to see
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them and then see them off in the morning. I'm very fortunate that I get to do that every morning.
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I'm so happy to do that. So what I need to do is make sure I do my morning routine.
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So that is something and we'll talk about that like with the retreat.
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The morning routine, I need to make sure I am on my best behavior.
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I was reading a really beautiful book a few years ago now.
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And it was one of these meditation teams. I was reading his book.
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And it was all about what do you want? I wanted more calm, more peace in my
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house. I don't want chaos. So I was trying to be that. Yeah.
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So I was like, it's really... They know when things are really,
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overwhelming for me i am on my shortest
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fuse and i will actually say to them now guys
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i have this much bandwidth and i'm holding my fingers up i need assistance and
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help on your end because i will not be able to manage all of it yeah they get
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it now they actually they'll both be like all right what can we help with what
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can we do and i'm like just make your pets yeah that's all i want Just make your beds.
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I agree with you. These morning rituals are so important.
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So you've set your family up as much as you can in the morning for a successful start. Yeah.
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As best we can. As best we can. And it doesn't always work. Yeah.
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One of the things I remember hearing in one of the Montessori trainings I did,
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I was a little appalled because I'm like, oh, my God, I just did this.
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I try not to be like, be a good boy, be a good girl.
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So I remember going through this training and they're like what if your daughter
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all day is like okay I gotta be a good girl how do they be good so I'm always
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just like try your hardest have fun yeah make it a great day yeah that's my
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every time make it a great day love you bye yeah because I agree with you I
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think I probably was like
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saying, did you have fun today? And sometimes it's not fun. So it's not always fun.
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So I ask them questions, like prodding questions. Who did you sit with at lunch?
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Did something funny happen?
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What did you learn today? Because then I actually get information out of them.
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Yes. And then at night, it's like a vomit of information at like nine o'clock
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when everyone wants to go to bed and they're just, I get everything.
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And that's why I do love to have the nighttime routine too.
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Allowing some time for that. They want to talk. They want
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to kind of be with you so i do find time to
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snuggle with them a little at night i wonder what that is because
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many parents i talk their children are like ready
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to chat and they're a little bit manipulating the situation i think too oh my
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god totally they are like i have her attention let's talk about everything there's
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a little bit of mood yeah sometimes grayson will go to bed and be like well
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i want to talk about this i'm like grayson that's in six months from now we're
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talking about in the morning yes save it for the morning we'll talk about it
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then when you're eating your avocado Toast.
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You've worn many hats. Teacher, director, coach, mentor.
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Was there a moment that you were like, this is what I want to do?
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One of those things in particular? Or are you still searching for that,
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not final thing, that next thing that you're doing?
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Oh, I'm still doing a lot of things. I remember when I finished the first positive
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discipline training, you go really deep when you talk about your childhood and you've become...
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Good friends with some of these people you're training with.
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It's really powerful. You feel like you're making a difference.
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So I knew like at the end of that, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do.
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And I always knew I wanted to train teachers and train parents.
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And I am an educator, so I love educating.
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So I love that. And then I did start to like post some videos and I'm like,
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oh, I do like to teach other people about this too. So I'm doing that.
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But then And I started to delve deep into mindset.
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So I'm also doing some of the mindset coaching.
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I'm still focusing on parents and teachers, but I was just working with a woman
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the other day and we might do a workshop for adolescent girls in the fall around anxiety and worry.
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And I'm also, yeah, so there's a few other things that I'm still passionate about.
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And I love learning. I'm going to keep learning. And as I go,
23:09
I'm just getting better at what I do, becoming more knowledgeable about coaching and facilitating.
23:16
Because coaching and facilitating, it's not like me training you to do something.
23:21
It's I want you to come to the realization yourself. This is what I've been thinking.
23:26
This is what I'm worried about. So I want you to come with your own thoughts.
23:32
And then what are you going to do?
23:34
Me telling you to do something. You're not necessarily going to do it.
23:36
Just like me telling my child, this is what you should do. It doesn't stick
23:40
as much. They might do the exact opposite.
23:42
Well, if you want me to do that, I'm not going to do that. There was something
23:45
I was listening to about that.
23:47
If they've done something they weren't supposed to, or ask them what their consequence
23:51
should be, what do you think the consequence should be?
23:54
Give them a little ownership of it. It might not be what you think it's going
23:56
to be. Maybe there's a balance between that. I thought that was interesting.
23:59
I grew up in the 80s. There was none of that.
24:01
One of the things that positive discipline does, And this is why,
24:04
you know, there was the gentle parenting, which I don't know.
24:09
I know positive discipline. I know
24:11
Montessori. I have been studying early childhood education for 25 years.
24:15
So I think I know the child's brain. Punishment doesn't work.
24:19
But what does work is a misbehaving child is actually a discouraged child.
24:25
For some reason, they're feeling discouraged.
24:28
So we need to use encouragement. We have to encourage the kids.
24:32
You're almost becoming your child's consultant and coach.
24:36
You're not the yay, rah, rah. You're not the cheerleader. You could do it sometimes.
24:39
Of course, we have to be our child's cheerleader. But how do we become that consultant?
24:45
Yeah, the guide. The guide. Is there a particular challenge or experience as
24:50
a parent or educator that inspired this?
24:54
Oh, all my challenges. Yeah. From the beginning, I didn't know if I was doing
24:58
it right. So I did the positive discipline training.
25:01
Fast forward a few more years, I was kind of like, is this it? This is hard.
25:05
So I did more advanced training and I became this encouragement consultant.
25:09
So I learned how to use positive psychology on myself.
25:12
So I could be that role model for the kids. I could teach teachers and parents
25:16
these skills that are hard for me to do, too. They're tools, they're skills.
25:20
And then it was the pandemic that I was like, oh, shit.
25:25
I have three kids learning from home.
25:28
I had a kindergartner, third grader, and a fifth grader. And I was like, oh, whoa.
25:34
My brain was spiraling. There's so much uncertainty.
25:37
I was worried. I was scared.
25:40
I knew academically they would be okay because I was a teacher.
25:44
Yeah, and they'll all catch up eventually. They're going to be fine.
25:46
But I knew I needed to take control of my own thoughts.
25:50
I delved deep into mindset, and then I became a certified transformational mindset coach.
25:54
These thoughts are not serving me at all. You used to run out of the house during that.
25:58
And all the kids, hey, guys, I'm going to go running. And I would just run in
26:03
front of the house back and forth because you weren't allowed to be too far
26:06
away. There were rules. Oh, yeah.
26:07
But if you didn't get out of the house, you were to lose your freaking mind.
26:12
Yes. It was not safe. None of us were okay. No, I don't think so. None of us were okay.
26:17
Everything that I've learned is because I needed it myself. And then I love
26:21
working with others and teaching other people these things.
26:24
So it's like I just kind of created my own job of like, this is what I like
26:28
to do. So I'm going to be a coach and a consultant. Yeah.
26:31
And then I consulted at a school last year and I loved it so much.
26:34
And I was like, maybe I want to be at a school, still do what I'm doing.
26:37
I want to always be learning.
26:39
I'm not going to pigeonhole myself in that this is what I'm going to be forever.
26:42
I'm just going to keep learning new things. The growth mindset.
26:45
I'm all about the growth mindset. And this is why I'm so proud of you and you're doing this podcast.
26:49
I said I was going to do a podcast too, and I haven't started yet.
26:51
But it's like, you get scared. I don't know how to do the technology.
26:55
You just got to do it. And you're going to make a mistake. Yeah.
26:58
No, it was all a learning experience. It's all a learning. That was the whole point.
27:02
I was like, I'm ready for something fresh. I'm ready for something new.
27:05
Is there a myth or a misconception with positive discipline?
27:09
Yeah, I would say the myth is probably, oh, you're so positive.
27:13
You let them do whatever they want.
27:15
So that's permissive parenting.
27:17
So I go over this in our workshops and we have a kindness and a firmness access. So kind and firm.
27:26
And so that's another positive discipline too. Kind and firm at the same time.
27:32
Kind of like that tough love scenario.
27:34
Yes, totally. Yes. Kind and firm. So there's four different types of parents.
27:38
The ones that are not so kind and not so firm, they're the neglectful parents.
27:44
We're not even going to talk about them. But they're just either not there or
27:47
maybe addiction or something. So they're neglectful.
27:50
And then there's the really kind but not so firm. And that's the permissive parents.
27:57
They're going to let them do whatever they want. Maybe there's no boundaries.
28:01
They're their friend. They want to be their child's friend. Okay.
28:05
And then there's the really firm and not very kind, and that's the authoritarian.
28:11
You're going to do what I say, and you're going to do it now,
28:14
like maybe how our parents were parented.
28:17
Yep. And then there's the positive discipline approach. It's called authoritative.
28:21
It's kind and firm at the same time. It's teaching life skills for good moral
28:26
character. It's teaching.
28:28
And so it takes time. So it's not permissive.
28:32
What some people do say, they're like, oh, but Kristen, it kind of takes time to talk to your kid.
28:37
Yes, it does. I'm not going to say parenting is easy.
28:40
It's teaching. One of the other tools, there's like 75 different positive discipline
28:45
tools, but one of it is take time for training.
28:48
Take time for training. We're going to train them how to tie their shoes.
28:51
We're going to train them how to clean up their room. They don't know how to
28:54
clean up their room. What does clean up my room mean?
28:56
They need to be taught how to clean it. They need to be taught how to clean the toilets.
29:01
That was one of the probably silver linings of COVID. Like I was like,
29:05
we all got to chip in with the chores.
29:07
They love cleaning the toilets. They actually like it. They think they're like being all...
29:12
I would like them to just flush the toilet. That would be nice.
29:15
I repainted the downstairs bathroom and I was like, oh, I've got this great idea.
29:20
So I got a neon sign that says flush. Awesome.
29:24
And it's on the back. You stare at it. Yes. And I turn it on every once in a while.
29:29
And they still, with the reminder in front of their face, sometimes don't flush that damn toilet.
29:34
No. And then I'm like, there's a lady present. Well, you have boys too.
29:38
Yeah. You have boys. There's a lady present.
29:40
Are you going to do this with your girlfriend? Because I'm going to remind her
29:42
you don't flush the toilet.
29:43
Like, they're all going to know. Yeah. They'll figure it out as soon as they get to that.
29:48
So is it, are you too late to start this positive discipline? Never too late.
29:55
Never too late. One of the women that I trained with, she's in Brookfield,
30:00
and they had this really amazing grant after the tragedy at Sandy Hook.
30:05
They trained a lot of people in positive discipline to help all the families in that area.
30:10
Her kids were grown up, like 22 and 25. And so she was like, oh, I'm too late.
30:16
And she said, I was not too late. She has the best relationship with those kids.
30:21
She used all the positive discipline tools when she apologized to them about
30:25
something she may have done.
30:26
That's a positive discipline tool just to learn how to apologize and say,
30:31
you know, this is what I did and I'm sorry.
30:32
And then she said her relationship with her father became better,
30:35
too, after being trained in positive discipline. When I was in my challenges
30:41
of like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? I thought I was going to be good at this.
30:44
The woman who was the head of school at the Montessori school said,
30:47
Kristen, it even works on your spouse too.
30:49
This works on spouses. It works on mother-in-laws. It's just communication.
30:53
It's positive communication skills.
30:56
It's how do we communicate with people to get them to cooperate with us?
31:00
Yeah, I love that. Cooperation.
31:02
And it's not that there's manipulation. Like, I remember when I did my Montessori
31:07
training, there was a lot of things that they taught.
31:10
Actually, you have this beautiful tray. A lot of the materials were on these
31:13
beautiful trays. And it was, how do you make these materials beautiful for the
31:17
child that they want to play with it?
31:19
So as a Montessori teacher, we were kind of like, hello, would you like to come
31:22
and work with me? Like, we were trained on how to get the kids on board. Sure.
31:27
Well, I'll tell you, the kids notice a difference when the table is set.
31:31
And I feel like when the table is set, they enjoy it a little more. Oh, yes.
31:35
They notice when I've done, like, a full tablescape for an event.
31:39
And they're like, oh, can we add this? Can we do this? Like, they get into it.
31:43
I appreciate that presentation. I think it says more, not just about getting
31:48
them to learn, but how it feels to do all these things. That might be a nice idea, too.
31:54
I only have like two years left with my daughter until she goes up to college.
31:57
And we do a lot of family dinners. But maybe to have one night a week where
32:02
it really is a special family dinner.
32:04
And they're helping you set the table. And lighting a candle is always a beautiful
32:10
beginning and end to a ritual.
32:12
All the candles are lit. That's my morning.
32:15
When I wake up in the morning, I'm the first one down. That's part of ritual.
32:20
Is there a certain discipline approach that fosters this kind of communication
32:24
and connection, accountability that parents can start working on?
32:29
And you said it. It's connection.
32:32
And another positive discipline tool is connection before correction.
32:36
And that's a big one. Oh, give me an example of that.
32:39
Connection before correction. So and if you would talk to any teacher,
32:43
they would say the same thing. connection before teaching.
32:46
You got to connect with them a little bit. So when a lot of the,
32:51
workshops that I'll do is very experiential, especially with the teachers,
32:55
but the parents, I'll make them do this too, is we experience what's it like
33:00
to get yelled at? What does that feel like?
33:03
So I have people get in pairs and one person is kneeling on the floor and the
33:09
other a person is standing on a chair and they are literally like,
33:14
why did you leave the Legos out? I just stepped my toe.
33:18
What is wrong with you? Like really yelling at the person.
33:22
But these are adults. You get that feeling. You feel it. And then you switch roles.
33:28
And then I give them a positive discipline lesson. I say, OK,
33:31
we're going to first get on the same level.
33:33
So I would teach them how to get close and, you know, touch their shoulder. Okay.
33:38
So get on their eye level, touch their shoulder, let them look up at you.
33:43
Sometimes we're yelling at them and they're still playing with their video game
33:46
or they're doing whatever.
33:47
I can't even hear you. Just get into the same room at least, you know, the yelling.
33:51
So same level, touch your shoulder. And then you ask a curiosity question.
33:56
So you get them thinking. So maybe the example when you stepped on another Lego
34:01
is like, wow, you're playing with a lot of different things.
34:04
What's your idea for cleaning up the playroom? What's your idea?
34:08
So it's like a what or how question. Okay.
34:11
And you get them thinking and you can validate their feelings.
34:17
That's how you kind of start it. Okay. Same level, curiosity question,
34:21
validate their feelings and then lay the law down.
34:23
And it's time for dinner. Do you want to pick up before dinner or do you want
34:27
to pick up after dinner? You give a choice. Gave an option. Gave a limited choice.
34:31
I will tell you, the yelling at them when they're not in the room does not work.
34:34
It doesn't work. It doesn't. You just end up yelling more.
34:37
I go into the room and look in their face.
34:40
What do I say to Grayson? I need your eyes. Mm-hmm. Yes.
34:44
And they need it. You need your eyes. And then sometimes, and we'll say it too,
34:48
is what did I just say? Can you repeat it back to me?
34:53
What did I just say? And they'll say it. Yeah, if they've even listened.
34:56
But there's a few little things like kind and firm.
34:58
It's like one of the things, and this wasn't positive discipline,
35:02
but I read it and I'm like, oh, I'm going to start using that.
35:05
And I use it and my kids are going
35:06
to be mad that I'm telling everybody my secret, but asked and answered.
35:12
You asked and I answered. So this is like when they ask you like 20 times. Yes.
35:19
So asked and answered. You asked, I answered. That's the end.
35:22
Can I keep playing? Can I keep playing?
35:23
Can I keep playing? My answer will continually be no. Because I said that the first time. Yeah.
35:29
That's how I've answered. How do we be blind and firm at the same time?
35:32
We're setting the boundary.
35:33
Because if you give them a little bit, they're going to take it a little bit further.
35:37
But then also know when like, all right, you want five more minutes?
35:40
It's, oh, you're almost done with this level.
35:43
Okay. So I think we have to give a little bit too.
35:47
And I think that's really hard. And that's where I've had most of the hard time
35:51
with some parents who just don't see that.
35:53
They're like, no, but I say so. And they really can't get over it.
35:57
They finally get there. And I remember one of my mentors said,
36:00
and she was actually teaching positive discipline lessons for people, convicts.
36:05
Okay. That were out of jail.
36:08
And they were trying to be able to their children.
36:11
She was teaching them how to interact with their family members.
36:15
And she said, this guy, it took him three times. He went through her six-week course.
36:19
And then he got it, but he wanted to. That was important to him.
36:22
Sometimes what we do is what our parents did.
36:24
Yeah. And sometimes we're doing that out of our emotions and memories that are
36:28
coming out in times of stress.
36:30
And that's what I do like that. You know, brain in the palm of our hand when
36:33
we realize, oh, are we in a primal state?
36:37
And we can't even be kind.
36:39
We can't. So we got to recognize that and walk away like you did during COVID.
36:44
Just go take a run. I'm going to run away.
36:47
Yeah, recognize before you actually get into that moment where you're yelling.
36:50
I know that primal moment. I think I pretty much did that last night.
36:53
And I always want to say there's no guilt. I don't want to feel guilty after
36:56
they hear what I'm talking about because I yell too.
36:58
And it's just three out of ten times. Three out of ten times we got to try.
37:01
Three. Yeah, right? Three out of ten.
37:03
I can do three. I thought you were going to be like seven out of ten.
37:05
That's not going to happen.
37:06
Three out of ten. Bar to bar is low. Bar to bar is low. So now we're into the
37:10
teen years. This is the difficulty with the teenagers.
37:13
They're smart. They can talk. They don't talk back necessarily.
37:17
I wouldn't say it's talking back, but they are very good at rationalizing.
37:21
And it's not entirely wrong. It might not be what I just said or wanted them to do.
37:26
So how are we dealing with teenagers with positive discipline in a way that
37:30
we're not going to give them too much because they can manipulate very well?
37:33
So that connection piece is huge. Like having that connection with them.
37:37
At other times of the day, making sure you got a couple touch points.
37:42
With teenagers, it's a little harder finding them where they're at and making
37:45
sure there's a couple touch points where you're like, hey, buddy, what's going on?
37:48
And for me, we would watch a couple shows together. Yeah.
37:52
You know, and that's ways to find connection. Special time, we call it.
37:56
You're alone. It's your attitude. You want to be with them.
38:00
And it's your attention. Your phone is put away. Your attention is on him.
38:04
And it only has to be like five to 10 minutes.
38:06
But just a little connection point, I think, is huge.
38:10
Validating their feelings. They don't want us to fix their problems.
38:13
They want us to listen. So how can we be really effective listeners?
38:19
It's based on nonviolent communication. Have you ever heard of nonviolent communication?
38:23
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg wrote the book Nonviolent Communication.
38:27
And you pick out like, what are they thinking and feeling?
38:31
What are they? So you're like, oh, so he did that to you. So you were feeling
38:36
really angry. You were feeling jealous.
38:39
And you kind of guess sometimes just to like validate.
38:43
And then you're also teaching them emotional intelligence. There are different feelings.
38:48
And another tool that we'll do is there's four main feelings.
38:52
You're either feeling sad. And this is super basic for like the younger 10 and
38:57
under. you're either sad mad or,
39:00
glad or scared. And then those four feelings, there's so many different words
39:07
that can mean those four things.
39:09
And I know in the Westin Public Schools, they have the mood meter.
39:13
If you ever get Dr. Mark Brackett's book, he has a really amazing chart and
39:18
it's the mood meter and it's all the different words.
39:21
And that's what I think that's a great thing to do with your teenager.
39:25
It's emotional intelligence, validating their feelings.
39:28
Another thing I'll teach parents is what are our temperaments,
39:32
how are our personalities affecting our kids.
39:36
I learned that I have control. So there's four different top cards and it's
39:41
not so accurate, but I was like, oh my God, that's me.
39:45
Like when you read it, I had to give up a lot of control.
39:49
And it's so hard. I'm the controlled person. I control everything.
39:54
They call me out though. Easton calls me out. He's like, that's because you
39:58
have control issues. I like to be in control. And I own that. I own that.
40:02
You still have to get off your computer because it's not in control. Totally.
40:04
That's not me controlling. That's my rule. So there's this crazy balance that
40:07
we're trying to deal with. I just want to survive it.
40:11
And I usually use a lot of acronyms. I'll use Q-tips. Quit taking it personally.
40:16
Don't take it personally. Whatever they say to you when they're a teenager.
40:20
And that's what happens. I'm the first to, you know, it happens to me till you
40:23
get emotionally hijacked.
40:25
Dr. Dan Siegel, I love all his work and his books. You get emotionally hijacked.
40:29
How do we not get emotionally hijacked?
40:31
We're taking care of ourselves and making sure to do the deep breathing and stuff.
40:34
The mirror neurons, they're going to get us. Oh, I've been hit by those.
40:39
And then I have to remember that's not what he really feels.
40:42
But then they need us to be parents, too. I've been listening to a really great
40:46
podcast, and it was the doctor that wrote The Anxious Generation.
40:50
I have not read that book yet. I actually have it. It's on my list of summer
40:53
reading. We all have to do better.
40:55
But, okay, with that, and this will get us into the retreats that you're going
41:00
to be doing for parents, is there's so much that we need to do.
41:04
Not only take care of ourselves. We have to now take cream team.
41:08
We have to lift more weights. We have to do more protein. We have to do this.
41:11
We have to drink less coffee. We have to drink less alcohol.
41:13
Alcohol is going to kill you.
41:15
Also, keep your family safe. Keep your children safe. Keep your husband safe.
41:19
Be calm. Don't control everything.
41:22
I mean, also, do your job. do a good job at it.
41:26
It's just so much now. It's so much. And so many books and so many people and so many podcasts.
41:34
We have to unplug. It is a lot. And he really got me to look at that.
41:40
And I'm forgetting his name. But he said that these kids that are on social
41:45
media. So now I'm talking more the teenagers, maybe the 13 to 20 year olds. Yeah.
41:51
This is what they've been doing. It's constant. It's really scary.
41:55
So it's the notifications and they have to be posting and they might not want
42:00
to be posting, but they have to keep up.
42:02
I was like, oh, wow, that's interesting that they're constantly getting.
42:06
And so what do we do? I think we have to put in some really beautiful family time when you can.
42:13
And when can you have those zero screen moments and then try to put more in there.
42:19
And I need to have better boundaries. We're going to work on some ground rules
42:24
or some of the things I talk with the parents that I teach.
42:26
I don't necessarily do it myself, but they need the ground rules and they sometimes
42:31
need the screen to completely be out of sight, out of mind.
42:34
And so that's what I'm doing with my 10 year old. I just take it away.
42:37
It's like, oh, it's not a screen day today. Nope. No iPad, no nothing.
42:41
And somehow how it's working but have you heard about this snap find where the
42:47
kids know where each other are on snapchat if they're sharing their notifications
42:50
you know where they are on snapchat could you imagine growing up like that that
42:55
scares me easton and i made a deal that,
42:59
he would not have social media if he stayed off of it there would be a great
43:03
reward at the end yeah and he's not he talks on discord with his buddies but
43:07
he knows i check everything he's 13 now.
43:10
When Microsoft or these companies thought that 13 was a good age for parents
43:14
to not be in charge of stuff is beyond me because you can't rent a quarantine
43:18
to have that. And your brain's not fully developed until you're 26.
43:21
So how 13 is a good age when these boys don't know what the hell they're looking at half the time? No.
43:26
That is a whole different thing.
43:28
We had this discussion. I'm like do you want to be beholden to that?
43:31
Also like kids are taking screenshots and sending it to other kids.
43:36
I can't imagine It's so hard for these. Living in that state.
43:40
I know. I see the good and the bad. It's so funny because...
43:43
I have girls. The scary thing is, though, and this doctor I was listening to,
43:48
it is affecting girls more than boys. The social media aspect of it and the
43:53
anxiety and the self-harm, all that is definitely more prominent in girls than boys.
43:58
The boys are having fun playing the video games and playing with their friends.
44:01
Granted, there's lots of danger. People can find them anyway.
44:05
But being a girl and knowing that everybody's at this party, and I'm not.
44:12
But the good thing was we were skiing last year. And my daughter,
44:16
who has Snapchat, was like, oh, my God, my friend is here.
44:19
We were way up in Vermont at this amazing ski mountain, and we found her friend.
44:24
Dad was super psyched that we all skied together that day. That's the only good thing.
44:29
That these are a part of our lives.
44:33
How do we teach them? how to use them appropriately as the tool that it is.
44:39
The kids need to learn. They need to have these critical thinking skills, problem solving.
44:43
So how do we fit that in there too so that the screen time gets pushed down more? Yeah.
44:48
Oh, and also just teach them how to be off of that screen just for your own
44:52
sanity and your own mental clarity.
44:56
Because you and I know, like if you're up late and you're working and then you
45:00
turn off the computer at 11 and you fall asleep at 12, that is not a good night's
45:04
sleep. That is not a rested brain.
45:06
And I can tell you the nights that I know, and we remove electronics.
45:10
There's no electronics in bedrooms.
45:12
Easton's computer is in his room, but it's shut off automatically at a certain
45:16
time. Great ground rule to have. He's like, we have to.
45:18
Because you need sleep. Sleep hiding. It's so important.
45:21
We have these discussions, and I can tell you there are nights when he has snuck a device in there.
45:25
He wakes up and he's got dark pockets under his eyes, and I know what was in
45:29
there. And under his bed, there's something hiding, and we have to have a full
45:32
conversation. This is not healthy.
45:34
There's no one to be talking to at this time. There's nothing you need to be doing.
45:38
This is not a safe thing for your health and your body. That's a hard...
45:42
It's hard. Even more of a discussion with them as they get older. They're gone.
45:46
In how many years to college. Well, and that's where this doctor teaches at NYU.
45:51
And he was saying he's teaching his students, his 19-year-olds, and it's a great class.
45:57
It was Flourish, How to Flourish. And it's really using like a lot of the positive
46:00
psychology tools, but also attention.
46:03
So one of the things that I have to give huge props to the Weston High School.
46:09
Psychology teacher. So my sophomore is taking Intro to Psychology.
46:13
And this teacher is amazing.
46:16
She's teaching them about their attention. So it got my 16-year-old to think
46:21
a lot more because somebody else said it to her, not her parent.
46:25
Like, that's where it's so hard.
46:27
We do need it to come from the school. We do need it to come from the government.
46:30
We do need these policies.
46:33
It is the wild, wild west out there. There need to be some guardrails.
46:35
Parents need guidelines. We need to be following through.
46:39
There's a lot. That's not necessarily my expertise, but I'm a parent and I'm
46:44
struggling and we're all trying to figure it out. Yeah, and you notice the attention.
46:49
Have you tried to? Okay, we notice the attention deficit when it comes to movies.
46:56
So we have gone back into old movies for the boys. To be like,
47:00
these are classics. You need to see this. You need to see this. Yeah.
47:03
And there are movies that they cannot keep their attention.
47:07
We're like, this is kind of boring. But to us, it was like, this is a great
47:11
movie. It makes sense. There's dialogue.
47:13
These quick reels and Instagram shorts, they honestly can't focus for that long.
47:19
And I don't think that's going to serve them when they're older and they have
47:22
to focus for a really long time on whatever they're doing.
47:25
And I think that is probably where we can get them is that attention piece and that focus.
47:30
And we're going to be successful if we can give our attention,
47:35
our time. That is our best asset here.
47:38
Like we need to have that.
47:41
And I'm learning that I need to have it more too.
47:44
When I am on my phone already,
47:46
All of a sudden, time flies. How did half an hour just go by?
47:49
So I need to have ground rules for myself. But we're adults and we can follow through.
47:53
It is really hard for the kids to do. So they do need us to be the bad guy.
47:58
And it's going to suck. It's going to be hard.
48:01
We're going backwards a little bit, but going forwards, you know,
48:04
like we're realizing we need to rein it in a little bit.
48:07
Yeah. We do need to rein it in. That's for sure.
48:09
All right. I want to hear about this new retreat that you're doing.
48:13
So Making Space Retreat. Making Space, yeah. It's awesome. Last year,
48:17
it was just an idea I kept having. I want to have a retreat.
48:20
I always loved empowering women. I love teaching these tools.
48:24
When I was trained in mindset coaching, I was like, everybody needs to hear this.
48:30
It is a different way of thinking. You look at the thinking differently and
48:35
have a lot more self-awareness of your thoughts.
48:38
What could be a limiting belief possibly that's holding you back.
48:41
So we are going to be focusing on helping women to take this time for themselves. It's like making space.
48:47
Make space for yourself. It's only literally half a day. It's five hours.
48:52
I was talking to our wellness coach, Coach Tara Mazenik, and she's done retreats before in Ireland.
48:58
She's done a few other trips, like trip retreats.
49:02
She's going to do some stretching and mobility. And how do we age gracefully and age strong?
49:10
I don't know about you. Like, I wake up and things are achy.
49:12
Like, why do my feet hurt? I haven't done anything.
49:15
I've been sleeping for eight hours. This hip bothering me. Yeah.
49:18
And she's going to do hip openings. She does a little stretching.
49:21
Then I'm going to stretch your mind a little bit. And we're going to look at
49:24
like a life evaluation process.
49:26
It was one of the first things I did when I started to delve deep into personal
49:29
growth. You look at this wheel, wheel of life, some people call it.
49:33
We look at 11 different areas and we kind of rate ourselves. How are we doing? Yeah.
49:38
If this looked like wellness, how are you doing? You see, you're like,
49:40
oh, I'm really good here, but not so good here.
49:43
And then what do you want to focus on? And so we'll pick one thing that we want to focus on.
49:48
And then we'll look at, you know, maybe why isn't it a 10? You know,
49:53
why did you rate yourself a four?
49:55
And I'll teach some tools of how to set that goal, how to start shifting, reframing a lot.
50:02
It's a lot of reframing of what you might be thinking.
50:05
And then just finding some daily habits that is going to help you to feel better.
50:10
Because I'm all about people do better when they feel better. Yes.
50:14
So this retreat is all about, you know, the women feeling better,
50:17
feeling good in their bodies, feeling good in their soul, their mind, everything.
50:22
And we're going to be doing some nutrition. Tara works. She's an integrative
50:26
nutritionist. So we're going to talk about mindful eating and nutrition.
50:29
And then we might end it with cocktails and a hot tub.
50:32
So that might be in there, too. We did it last year in May. And I was like,
50:37
oh, my God, what were we thinking doing in May? It's such a busy time.
50:39
May has been a busy month.
50:41
We're doing it after school gets out, June 28th, 10 to 3.
50:44
So I hope we get a good group. But we have a limited space, only 12.
50:48
I think we're getting some nice women coming in.
50:51
It's very confidential, but people share. It's community building,
50:56
too. We had such an awesome group last year.
50:59
This one woman was like, how come I'm not doing this?
51:02
She's like, Kristen, I've stuck with it all year and now I'm doing it.
51:06
She was like, I never stick with anything.
51:07
I try this. I try that. And we were all like, you're so amazing.
51:10
Look at you. You could do everything. But she was thinking that she was a quitter.
51:15
But then she just stuck with some. It's so interesting how our perceptions of ourselves.
51:19
So we're going to get into some negative self-talk and we're going to get into
51:22
positive self-talk and we're going to get into affirmations and visualizations
51:26
and meditations, like lots of stuff.
51:28
We're going to do it all. This is what every woman needs.
51:30
I think we all need this like half a day. It's really like reparenting our inner child so that we can be,
51:38
The cup that's full. We can give to our spouse. We can give to our kids.
51:42
But we have to be full, too. Yeah. And it's like, what do you want?
51:46
How are you feeling when someone can actually ask you that? It's like,
51:51
oh, someone cares what I want?
51:54
Genuinely asking. How I'm feeling. Mm-hmm. That's a great idea.
51:57
Oh, good. I'm excited for it. We're going to try to do it every year.
52:02
Around this time, probably, at the end of the year.
52:04
Yeah, when all the craziness is done. It's like checking point.
52:07
We're like, okay, halfway through the year. How are we doing?
52:09
Yeah. So it's a good reset. Great reset. Okay. At the end, I always ask three questions.
52:14
So my first question is, is there something you've changed your mind about recently?
52:19
Probably the screen time thing. I have been doing a lot more research and reading,
52:24
and I need to make some changes, me personally, and for my kids.
52:29
And they're not going to like it.
52:30
And we're all learning. So we're figuring out what works, what doesn't.
52:35
But I need to learn a few things, too, about it.
52:38
I had a friend who set time limits on her apps.
52:41
So, like, she has 30 minutes on Instagram every day, and that's it.
52:44
Yeah, it's a really good... And then I have friends who've just taken it off
52:46
their phone completely, like certain apps.
52:49
Well, and that's the thing, too. When the TikTok ban happened,
52:52
my daughters both took it off their phone. Right when it happened,
52:55
I was kind of like, that's brave of you.
52:57
They regretted it when it went back on the next day. And they were both off
53:00
it for, like, a week because they couldn't, like, get it back on or whatever. Yeah.
53:05
They were kind of happy about it. Like, they were like, oh. No,
53:07
I don't have to look at it or feel the need to. Oh, I know.
53:10
That's a very adult thing to do. The kids would be like, you're taking away
53:13
my food. We got to find a way to help them cooperate.
53:17
Yeah. Is there anything on your bucket list? I feel like I love to travel and I don't do it enough.
53:22
We would love to see some of those beautiful sights in our world,
53:26
like the national parks.
53:27
And then also, you know, travel different parts of the world and bring our kids
53:31
there, too. Yeah, we've waited to take our kids, like, you know, anywhere.
53:35
They're getting now to the point where we're like, they can appreciate it now.
53:38
We're going to do some in February. We don't know yet, but we did an amazing
53:42
trip two years ago to the Galapagos Islands.
53:45
So that was a huge experience and just such an amazing family experience to
53:50
do with them and my sister-in-law and her family.
53:54
I love experiences, so I definitely want to do more of them.
53:58
That's what the boys want, too. We found that as a family, they don't really
54:01
want birthday parties anymore. They want experiences. They want to go somewhere.
54:04
They want to see people. That's really what they're into, which I think is great.
54:07
You love to travel with them. Yeah. That's a good one.
54:10
And the last question is, is there one piece of advice that you would give your younger self?
54:14
Don't worry about what other people are thinking about you. Just don't worry.
54:20
Like, it's none of your business what they're thinking about.
54:23
Not to worry about it. Just be you. That's good.
54:27
And do what you do. Like just be you and be good. That's a good one.
54:32
This is awesome. This is so great.
54:35
Thank you so much for being with me today. This has been awesome.
54:38
Thank you for having me. I'm excited for you. This has been great.
54:42
We have so many things we could talk about more.
54:45
Thank you so much for joining me today on She's Smart. New episodes drop every Thursday.
54:50
Don't forget to subscribe and share. Stay cozy.