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Transcript

The Psychology of People Who Prefer to Be Alone (Not Lonely) · Stoiq

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable people get when you
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: tell them you'd rather stay home. There's this pause, this
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: flicker of concern in their eyes, and then come the questions,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: are you okay? Is something wrong? You're not mad at me?
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Are you? It's as if choosing to be alone is
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: some kind of red flag, a warning sign, evidence that
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: something inside you is broken. Society has trained us to
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: believe that wanting to be alone is a problem that
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: needs fixing. If you're not constantly surrounded by people, attending events,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: staying busy with social plans, then clearly you must be lonely, depressed, struggling,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: unable to connect. But what if I told you that's
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: completely backwards. What if the people who genuinely prefer solitude
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: aren't the ones missing out on life, but the ones
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: who figured something out that most people never will. Here's
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: the uncomfortable truth. Society doesn't understand solitude at all, And
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: because it doesn't understand it, it judges, it labels, it
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  Speaker 1: tries to cure it. You see this everywhere. Think about
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: how our culture celebrates extraversion. The loudest person in the
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: room gets the attention, the most social person gets called
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  Speaker 1: a leader, The one who can work a room, charm
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  Speaker 1: a crowd, maintain a massive circle of friends. That's who
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  Speaker 1: we're told to aspire to be. Meanwhile, the person who
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: leaves the party early gets whispered about. They're so antisocial
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: they never want to hang out. I think they have issues.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: And if you're that person, the one who genuinely prefers
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: your own company, you've probably internalized this judgment. You've probably
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: wondered at some point if something really is wrong with you,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: why don't you crave constant social interaction the way everyone
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: else seems to. Why does spending time alone feel more
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: energizing than draining? Why do you feel more yourself when
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: no one else is around? Let me ask you something.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been in a crowded room full of
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: people and felt completely alone? Of course you have, we
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: all have. Now flip that, have you ever been completely
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: alone and felt utterly at peace, completely connected to yourself,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: your thoughts, your inner world. That's the paradox society refuses
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge. You can be surrounded by people and feel isolated.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: You can be entirely alone and feel whole. But we're
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: not taught to see it that way. From childhood We're
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that social connection is the ultimate measure
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  Speaker 1: of a good life. The popular kid is winning. The
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  Speaker 1: kid sitting alone at lunch is losing. This narrative follows
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: us into adulthood. Networking events, happy hours, group activities, weekend plans.
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  Speaker 1: There's this relentless expectation that you should always want to
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: be around people, and if you don't, well, you're either
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: stuck up, damaged, or just plain weird. Here's what makes
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this so insidious. It's not just external pressure, it's internal too,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Because when the entire world tells you that wanting to
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: be alone is abnormal, you start to believe it. You
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: start to question yourself. You force yourself into social situations
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: that drain you because you think that's what you're supposed
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  Speaker 1: to do. You say yes when you mean no, You
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: show up when you'd rather stay home. You perform a
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: version of yourself that fits what others expect, even though
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: it exhausts you, And the whole time there's this gnawing
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: feeling that something's off, not because you're broken, but because
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: you're living in opposition to your own nature. But what
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: if your nature isn't the problem. What if society's narrow
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: definition of connection is Here's what this video is about.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: We're going to dismantle the myth that preferring solitude means
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: something is wrong with you. We're going to explore the
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: real reasons why some people, maybe you, genuinely thrive in
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: their own company. And we're going to draw from stoic philosophy,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: modern psychology, and real human experienceance to reveal a truth
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: that most people never consider. Solitude isn't loneliness, it's not isolation,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: it's not avoidance. For some people, solitude is clarity. It's power,
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  Speaker 1: its freedom, and the people who choose it, they're not
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: running away from life, they're running towards something most people
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: never find themselves. So, if you've ever felt misunderstood for
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: preferring your own company, this video is for you. If
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  Speaker 1: you've been judged for declining invitations, criticized for being too quiet,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: or made to feel like there's something wrong with you
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  Speaker 1: because you recharge alone rather than with others, you're about
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  Speaker 1: to discover that you're not broken, You're just different, and
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  Speaker 1: that difference, it's not a weakness, it might actually be
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  Speaker 1: one of your grips greatest strengths. Before we go deeper.
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  Speaker 1: If you've ever chosen solitude over socializing and felt guilty
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  Speaker 1: about it, comment no apologies below. Let's normalize honoring our
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: own needs. Let's dive in. Let's talk about the world
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: we live in, because before we can understand why some
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: people prefer solitude, we need to understand why society has
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: such a problem with it in the first place. Our
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: culture worships extraversion. It's baked into everything. The education system
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: rewards the student who raises their hand most often, not necessarily,
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  Speaker 1: the one thinking most deeply. Corporate culture glorifies the charismatic
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: leader who commands the room, not the quiet strategist who
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: saw the problem coming three months ago. Social media celebrates
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: the person with the most friends, the most followers, the
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  Speaker 1: most visible life. Everywhere you look, the message is clear.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: More social equals more successful, More connected equals more valuable,
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  Speaker 1: more visible equals more important. And if you don't fit
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  Speaker 1: that mold, you're the problem. Think about the language we
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: use when someone prefers their own company. What do we
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  Speaker 1: call them anti social? As if not wanting to attend
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: every party is somehow against society itself. A loner said
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: with a tone that implies something sinister or sad introverted,
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  Speaker 1: which in many circles gets treated like a diagnosis that
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  Speaker 1: needs managing. There's this assumption embedded in our culture that
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  Speaker 1: human beings are meant to be social creatures all the time.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And while yes, connection is important, this idea that you
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: should constantly crave it, constantly seek it, constantly maintain it.
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  Speaker 1: That's not a universal truth. That's a cultural narrative, and
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  Speaker 1: it's a relatively recent one too. Go back far enough
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  Speaker 1: in history and you'll find that solitude was revered. Philosophers
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  Speaker 1: withdrew to think, monks sought silence to connect with the divine.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Artists isolated themselves to create Solitude wasn't seen as something
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  Speaker 1: to fix. It was seen as something necessary for depth, wisdom,
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  Speaker 1: and clarity. But somewhere along the way, especially in Western culture,
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  Speaker 1: that flipped. Individualism became equated with extraversion. Success became measured
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  Speaker 1: by how well you could network, schmooze, socialize, and anyone
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  Speaker 1: who didn't naturally excel at those things they were left
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  Speaker 1: scrambled to keep up. You see this pressure play out
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: in really specific ways. Let's say you're at work, there's
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  Speaker 1: a team lunch happening. You've been in back to back
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  Speaker 1: meetings all morning. You're mentally drained. What you really need
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  Speaker 1: is thirty minutes alone to decompress, eat in peace, and reset.
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  Speaker 1: But if you skip the lunch, what happens? People notice,
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  Speaker 1: where were you? Why didn't you come? And suddenly you're
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  Speaker 1: explaining yourself, justifying your need for space, reassuring people that
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  Speaker 1: you're not upset, not angry, not pulling away. The message
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  Speaker 1: is clear. Your need for solitude is inconvenient. It makes
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  Speaker 1: others uncomfortable, and you need to manage their discomfort by
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  Speaker 1: sacrificing your own needs. Or think about weekends. Someone invites
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  Speaker 1: you to party. You don't want to go, not because
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: you don't like the person, not because parties are inherently bad,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: but because you've had a long week and what you
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: genuinely need is time alone to recharge. But saying I'd
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: rather stay home isn't socially acceptable, so you scramble for
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  Speaker 1: an excuse. I'm not feeling great, I have plans anything
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  Speaker 1: but the truth, which is I don't want to be
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  Speaker 1: around people right now. And even if you do tell
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  Speaker 1: the truth, you're met with resistance. Come on, it'll be fun.
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  Speaker 1: You can't just stay home all the time you need
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  Speaker 1: to get out more, as if they know what you
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  Speaker 1: need better than you do. This is the pressure matrix.
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  Speaker 1: It's this invisible force that makes you doubt your own preferences,
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  Speaker 1: question your own instincts, and ultimately betray your own nature
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  Speaker 1: just to fit in. And here's the worst part. It
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  Speaker 1: doesn't just come from others. It comes from within. Because
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  Speaker 1: when you've spent your whole life being told that preferring
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  Speaker 1: solitude is weird, you start to internalize that belief. You
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  Speaker 1: start to think something really is wrong with you. You wonder
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: if maybe you're too sensitive, too antisocial, too broken to
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  Speaker 1: function like everyone else. You compare yourself to people who
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  Speaker 1: seem to effortlessly juggle massive social circles, who never seem
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  Speaker 1: tired of being around others, who genuinely light up in crowds,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: and you think, why can't I be like that? But
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: here's what no one tells you. Those people they're probably
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  Speaker 1: not all genuinely extroverted. Some of them are performing too,
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  Speaker 1: some of them are just better at hiding the exhaustion.
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  Speaker 1: Some of them have learned to override their own needs because,
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  Speaker 1: like you, they've been taught that's what you're supposed to do.
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  Speaker 1: The pressure to be social isn't just external, it's internalized.
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  Speaker 1: It becomes part of your identity. You start to believe
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  Speaker 1: that your preference for solitude is a flaw, a deficiency,
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  Speaker 1: something that needs correcting, and so you try. You force
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  Speaker 1: yourself into social situations that drain you. You say yes when
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  Speaker 1: every fiber of your being screams no. You show up,
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  Speaker 1: put on a smile, engage in small talk that feels meaningless,
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  Speaker 1: and leave feeling emptier than when you arrived. And then
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  Speaker 1: you go home, collapse on your couch and wonder why
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  Speaker 1: you feel so exhausted, why being around people, even people
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  Speaker 1: you like, feels like work instead of joy. But the
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  Speaker 1: truth is, it's not that you dislike people. It's that
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  Speaker 1: you're operating against your nature. You're draining your tank to
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  Speaker 1: fill someone else's expectations, and the world doesn't make this
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  Speaker 1: any easier. Think about how social connection has been weaponized.
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  Speaker 1: Social media has turned relationships into a performance. You're not
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: just maintaining friendships anymore. You're curating an image documenting your life,
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  Speaker 1: proving that you're social connected, thriving. And if you're not
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  Speaker 1: doing that, if your Instagram is quiet, your calendar is empty.
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  Speaker 1: Your Friday nights are spent reading instead of partying. People
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  Speaker 1: wonder what's wrong. There's this underlying assumption that if you're
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  Speaker 1: not constantly surrounded by others, you must be suffering, lonely, isolated,
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  Speaker 1: miss out. But what if you're not missing out? What
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  Speaker 1: if you're opting out? What if the people who prefer
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  Speaker 1: solitude aren't avoiding life but protecting something precious, their energy,
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  Speaker 1: their peace, their clarity. What if instead of being broken,
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  Speaker 1: they're just different. That's the question society doesn't want to ask,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: because if we admit that some people genuinely thrive in solitude,
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  Speaker 1: then we have to reconsider everything we've been taught about connection,
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  Speaker 1: success and what it means to live a good life.
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  Speaker 1: And that's uncomfortable because it challenges the narrative. It suggests
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: that maybe the extroverted ideal isn't universal, maybe it's not
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  Speaker 1: the only way. Maybe for some people it's not even
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  Speaker 1: the best way. But we're not there yet. Right now,
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  Speaker 1: the pressure matrix is still in full force, and if
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  Speaker 1: you're someone who prefers solitude, you feel it every single day.
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  Speaker 1: You feel it when you decline an invitation, and see
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: the disappointment in someone's face. You feel it when you
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: try to explain that you need alone time and get
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: met with confusion or concern. You feel it when you
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: look around and everyone else seems to be thriving in
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  Speaker 1: social situations that leave you feeling hollow, And so you
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  Speaker 1: keep pushing, keep performing, keep pretending, until one day maybe
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  Speaker 1: you realize something. The problem isn't you, it's the world's
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: refusal to accept that not everyone is wired the same way,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and that realization that's where everything starts to shift. So
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  Speaker 1: let's start cracking this myth wide open, because once you
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: look closely the whole something's wrong with loner's narrative starts
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to fall apart pretty quickly. First, let's get something straight.
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  Speaker 1: There's a massive difference between being alone and being lonely,
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  Speaker 1: and society conflates the two constantly. Loneliness is painful. It's
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  Speaker 1: that aching feeling of disconnection, of wanting companionship but not
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  Speaker 1: having it. It's involuntary, its suffering solitude. That's a choice,
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  Speaker 1: it's intentional. It's the deliberate act of spending time with
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  Speaker 1: yourself because you actually want to, because it feels good,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: because it's where you find clarity, peace, and energy. One
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  Speaker 1: is a lack, the other is a preference. And yet
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: when someone says they prefer to be alone, the immediate
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: assumption is that they must be lonely, that they're isolating
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: out of pain, fear, or inability to connect. But think
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: about the people you know who genuinely prefer solitude, really
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: think about them. Are they miserable, are they desperate for connection?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Are they sitting at home suffering? Or are they actually fine?
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe even more than fine. Here's what's fascinating. When you
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: really observe people who prefer solitude, you start to notice patterns,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: and they're not the patterns you'd expect if these were broken,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: struggling individuals. They're often deeply thoughtful. They have rich inner lives.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: They're self aware in ways that people who constantly seek
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: external validation often aren't. They know themselves, what they value,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: what drains them, what lights them up. They tend to
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: have a small circle of close relationships rather than a
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: wide network of surface level connections, and those relationships they're
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: often deeper, more authentic, more meaningful than the friendships maintained
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: by people who prioritize quantity over quality. They're creative, writers, artists, thinkers, innovators.
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  Speaker 1: So many of them are people who need solitude to
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: do their best work. Not because they're antisocial, but because
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: creation requires space. It requires quiet, it requires the ability
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: to hear your own thoughts without constant noise and distraction.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: They're emotionally regulated because when you spend time alone, you
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: learn to sit with your feelings. You can't distract yourself
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: endlessly with social interaction. You have to face yourself, and
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: that builds a kind of emotional maturity that people who
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: constantly avoid being alone often lack. Now does this sound
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like dysfunction to you? Does this sound like people who
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: are missing out on life? Or does it sound like
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: people who figured out something valuable. Here's the uncomfortable truth.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Society doesn't like people who don't need constant external validation.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: It doesn't like people who are comfortable in their own
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: company because those people are harder to control, harder to manipulate,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: harder to sell. To think about it, our entire economy
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: is built on making you feel inadequate. Buy this and
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: you'll be happy. Attend this and you'll be fulfilled. Surround
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: yourself with these people and you'll finally feel worthy. But
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: someone who's genuinely content in solitude. They're not buying it. Literally,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: they don't need the latest social gadget. They don't need
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: to fill their calendar with expensive activities, they don't need
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: constant entertainment to avoid being alone with their thoughts. They're
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: self sufficient and that's threatening to a culture that profits
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: from your dissatisfaction. So instead of celebrating people who've cultivated
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: in a contentment, we pathologize them. We make them feel
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: like something's wrong. We pressure them to conform to a
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: model of connection that doesn't serve them. But let's go deeper,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: because there's actual science behind why some people genuinely prefer solitude,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: and it has nothing to do with being damaged. Your brain,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: your nervous system, your psychological wiring. These things vary from
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: person to person, and for some people, solitude isn't just
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: a preference, it's a necess Think about introverts, and I'm
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: not talking about the pop psychology version where introverts are
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: just shy people. Real introversion is about how you process
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: stimulation and where you get your energy. Introverts process information deeply.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: They're often more sensitive to external stimuli social interaction, especially
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: in large groups or noisy environments isn't just tiring for them,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: it's actually over stimulating. Their nervous system is working over
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: time to process all the input, and after that kind
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: of stimulation, they need time alone to recover, not because
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: they're antisocial, because that's how their system recharges. It's like this,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Imagine your energy is a battery. For extroverts, social interaction
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: charges that battery. For introverts, social interaction drains it, and
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: solitude is how they plug back in. Neither is better
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: or worse. They're just different operating systems. But because we
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: live in a culture that treats the extroverted operating system
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: as the default, introverts are constantly being told their system
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: is broken, that they need to push through the exhaustion,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: force themselves to be more social, override their natural wiring,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: and when they don't, when they honor their need for solitude,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: they're labeled as antisocial, unfriendly problem cases. But here's what's
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: really happening. These people aren't rejecting connection. They're managing their energy.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: They're protecting their mental and emotional resources so they can
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: show up as their best selves when connection actually matters,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: And honestly, that's a form of wisdom that a lot
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: of people lack. Think about how many people fill their
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: lives with shallow connections because they're terrified of being alone.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: How many friendships are maintained out of obligation rather than
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: genuine care. How many social interactions are just noise, meaningless
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: small talk, surface level pleasantries, performative niceness that leaves every
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: one feeling empty. People who prefer solitude tend to opt
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: out of that game. They're not interested in collecting acquaintances.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: They're interested in meaningful connection, and they're willing to have
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: fewer relationships if it means those relationships are real. That's
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: not antisocial, that's discerning. They're not afraid of people. They're
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: selective about which people they let into their inner world
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: because they know that not everyone deserves access, Not everyone
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: earns the right to occupy space in your life. And
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: that level of boundary setting it's actually healthy, it's actually strong.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: But society tells us the opposite. It tells us that
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: having boundaries around your time and energy means you're cold,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: stand offish, difficult. No, it means you value yourself enough
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: to protect what's precious to you. So let's reframe this
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: entire conversation, because what we're really talking about isn't dysfunction,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: its difference. It's people who operate differently, recharge differently, connect differently,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: and the only reason this is seen as a problem
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: is because it doesn't fit the dominant cultural narrative. But
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: just because something is common doesn't make it right, and
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: just because something is different doesn't make it wrong. The
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: people who prefer solitude aren't the ones who need fixing.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the rest of us who need to expand
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: our understanding of what healthy, fulfilling connection actually looks like.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Because here's the thing. You can be surrounded by people
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: and still feel completely alone. That's loneliness. But you can
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: also be entirely by yourself and feel deeply connected to yourself,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: to your thoughts, to your purpose, to the quiet truth
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: of who you are. That's solitude. And once you understand
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: the difference, everything changes. Now let's dig into the actual
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: psychology behind why some people not only tolerate solitude but
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: actively seek it, because when you understand the science, the
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: whole something's wrong with them narrative completely crumbles. Let's start
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: with introversion, and I need to clarify something right away
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: because introversion has been wildly misunderstood. Introversion is not shyness.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Shy people want social connection but feel anxious about it.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Introverts might not be anxious at all. They simply don't
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: crave constant social interaction the way extroverts do. It's not
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: about fear, it's about preference. It's about how your brain
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: is wired to process the world. Here's what research shows.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Introverts and extroverts have different levels of baseline arousal in
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: their brains. Extroverts have lower baseline arousal, which means they
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: need more external stimulation to feel engaged and energized. Social interaction,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: new experiences, busy environments. These things bring them arousal level
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: up to an optimal zone where they feel good. Introverts,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: on the other hand, have higher baseline arousal. Their brains
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: are already more internally stimulated, so when you add external
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: stimulation on top of that, crowds, noise, constant social interaction,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: they quickly cross the threshold into overstimulation. And overstimulation doesn't
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: feel good. It feels overwhelming, exhausting, draining. This isn't a flaw,
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: it's just biology. Think of it like sensory sensitivity. Some
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: people can handle loud music, bright lights, and chaos without flinching.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Others find those same conditions physically uncomfortable. Neither response is wrong,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: they're just different nervous systems responding differently to the same environment.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And for introverts, social interaction is a form of stimulation,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: not a bad one necessarily, but it adds to the load.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Every conversation, every social queue to read, every expectation to engage.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: It's all input, and input requires processing and processing requires energy.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: So when introverts say they need to recharge alone, they're
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: not being dramatic. They're not avoiding people. They're literally allowing
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: their nervous system to come back down to baseline, to reset,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to recover from the accumulated stimulation of the day. Without
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: that downtime, they burn out. They become irritable, foggy, exhausted
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: in a way that sleep alone can't fix. But here's
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: where it gets interesting. During that alone time, something important
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: is happening. They're not just doing nothing. Their brain is working.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: It's processing everything they've experienced, reflecting, integrating, making sense of
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: the world. There's a concept in neuroscience called the default
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: mode network. It's a network of brain regions that becomes
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: active when you're not focused on the outside world, when
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: you're daydreaming, reflecting, thinking about yourself or others, planning for
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: the future. That's your default mode network at work. And
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: guess what activates it solitude. When you're alone, without external
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: demands on your attention, your brain shifts into this mode,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: and this is where some of your deepest thinking happens.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: This is where creativity sparks. This is where you make
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: connections between ideas, process emotions, and gain insight into yourself
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: and your life. People who constantly avoid being alone are
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: actually depriving themselves of this crucial mental process. They're so
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: busy consuming external input that they never give their brain
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: space to integrate it. That's why people who prefer solitude
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: often seem more reflective, more self aware. They're not smarter necessarily,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: they're just giving their brain the time and space to
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: do the deeper work. Now, let's talk about highly sensitive people,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: because this is another piece of the puzzle that explains
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: why some people genuinely need more solitude than others. Highly
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: sensitive people, sometimes called HSPs, have a nervous system that
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: processes sensory information more deeply than average, they notice subtleties
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: that others miss. They're more affected by their environment. They
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: pick up on emotional cues more easily. This isn't a disorder,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: it's a trait. About fifteen to twenty percent of the
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: population has it, and for these people, the world is
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: just louder, more intense, more overwhelming. Imagine you're walking through
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: a crowded mall. For the average person, it's just background noise, manageable,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: maybe even energizing. For a highly sensitive person, they're noticing everything.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: The fluorescent lights feel too bright, the background music is grating.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: They can hear three different conversations happening around them. They're
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: picking up on the stress radiating from the person rushing
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: past them. The smell from the food court is overpowering.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: It's not that they're weak, it's that their system is
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: processing more information than most people even and register and
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: social situations even more complex because now you're not just
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: processing sensory input, you're reading facial expressions, tone of voice,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: body language, emotional undercurrents. You're managing your own social performance
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: while simultaneously being hyper aware of everyone else's. It's exhausting.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: So for highly sensitive people, solitude isn't just a preference.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: It's necessary self care. It's how they recover from the
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: constant overwhelm of existing in a world that wasn't designed
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: with their sensitivity in mind. And before anyone says they
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: just need to toughen up, let me be clear. Sensitivity
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: is not weakness. In fact, it often comes with gifts.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Highly sensitive people tend to be deeply empathetic, intuitive, creative.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: They notice things others don't, which makes them excellent artists, writers, counselors, strategists.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: But they need downtime to function. And when they take
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: that downtime, they're not avoiding life, they're protecting their ability
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: to engage with life in a meaningful way. Now let's
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: talk about something else, the quality versus quantity approach to relationships.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Here's a pattern you see with people who prefer solitude.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: They don't have tons of friends, but the friends they
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: do have, those relationships run deep. And this isn't accidental,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: it's intentional. Maintaining relationships takes energy, emotional energy, mental energy, time,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and people who are more introverted or sensitive have a
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: limited supply of that energy, so they're strategic about where
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: they invest it. They'd rather have three people they can
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: talk to about anything than thirty people they exchange pleasantries
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: with at parties. They'd rather spend a whole afternoon in
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: deep conversation with one friend than attend five different social
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: events making small talk with dozens of acquaintances. This isn't antisocial.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: It's prioritizing depth over breadth, and honestly, there's research backing
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: this up. Studies show that introverts tend to get more
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: satisfaction from close intimate friendships than from large social networks.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: While extroverts thrive on variety and breadth of connection, introverts
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: thrive on depth and intensity. Neither approach is better. They're
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: just different. But the extroverted model has been held up
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: as the gold standard, and anyone who doesn't follow it
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: is seen as missing out. But are they or are
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: they just optimizing for different outcomes. Think about the people
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: in your life who seem to know everyone. They're always out,
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: always social, always surrounded by people. Now, think about how
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: well you actually know them. Chances are, even though they're
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: surrounded by others constantly, you might not know them all
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: that deeply. Because when your energy is spread across dozens
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: of relationships, there's only so much depth you can maintain. Now,
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: think about that quiet person who keeps to themselves most
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: of the time. When you do connect with them, how
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: does it feel. Often those conversations go deeper, faster, There's
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: more presence, more authenticity, because they're not performing for a crowd,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: They're genuinely connecting with you. That's the trade off, and
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: for some people that trade off is absolutely worth it.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: But there's something else happening here too. When you spend
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: time alone, you develop a relationship with yourself, and that
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: relationship is foundational to everything else. People who avoid being
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: alone often don't know themselves very well. They've never sat
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: with their thoughts long enough to understand what they actually want,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: what they actually value, what they actually feel beneath all
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: the noise. They're so busy being whoever they need to
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: be in various social contexts that they lose touch with
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: who they are when no one's watching. But people who
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: regularly spend time in solitude they know themselves. They've done
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: the work of sitting with uncomfortable thoughts, of processing difficult emotions,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: of confronting the parts of themselves they'd rather avoid, and
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: that self knowledge translates into everything better decision making, stronger boundaries,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: more authentic relationships, greater clarity about their path in life.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: You can't run from yourself forever. Eventually you have to
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: sit down and do the work of understanding who you are.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: And solitude is where that work happens. So when someone
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: says they prefer to be alone, what they might really
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: be saying is I'm doing the work of knowing myself.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I'm cultivating a relationship with my inner world. I'm building
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: a foundation of self awareness that will serve me for
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: the rest of my life. That's not dysfunction, that's maturity.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: And the fact that society sees this as a problem
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: that says more about our collective discomfort within respection than
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: it does about the people choosing solitude. Because here's the truth,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: the people who are most comfortable in their own company
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: are often the people who've figured out something essential. You
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: can't find yourself in the noise. You can't hear your
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: own voice when you're constantly listening to everyone else's. Sometimes
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: you need to be alone, not because you're broken, but
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: because you're building something, and that something is you. Now,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: let's bring in some ancient wisdom, because while modern psychology
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: gives us the science behind solitude. Stoic philosophy gives us
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: the deeper meaning. And when you combine the two, you
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: get a complete picture of why choosing to be alone
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: is not just understandable, it's actually one of the most
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: powerful choices you can make. The Stoics had a lot
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: to say about solitude, and it wasn't what you'd expect.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: These weren't hermits hiding from the world. Marcus Aurelius was
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: a Roman emperor. Seneca was a political adviser. Epictetus taught
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: students they were engaged with society, with people, with the world,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: but they also understood something crucial, that your inner world
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: is sacred and protecting it requires intentional withdrawal. Marcus Aurelius
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: wrote something in his Meditations that cut straight to the
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: heart of this. He said, people look for retreats for
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: themselves in the country, by the coast or in the hills.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: There is nowhere that a person can find a more
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: peaceful and trouble free retreat than in his own mind.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Read that again, the retreat isn't out there, it's in here.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: What he's saying is that true peace, true refuge, true rest.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: It doesn't from changing your external circumstances. It comes from
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: cultivating a relationship with your own mind. And you can't
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: do that in a crowd. You can't do that when
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: you're constantly reacting to external demands, managing other people's expectations,
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: performing your social role. You need space, you need quiet,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: You need to turn inward. The Stoics called this creating
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: an inner citadel, a fortress within yourself that no external
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: force can penetrate, a place of clarity, calm, and self
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: possession that remains stable no matter what chaos swirls around you.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: But building that citadel requires time alone. It requires reflection.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: It requires the discipline of sitting with yourself, examining your thoughts,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: challenging your assumptions, and deliberately shaping your inner world. Most
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: people never do this work. They're so busy reacting to
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: life that they never pause to ask, who am I,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: what do I actually believe? What really matters to me?
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: And so they drift shaped by external forces, influenced by
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: whoever speaks loudest, never quite sure who they are beneath
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: all the roles they play. But people who embrace solitude
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: they're building something, They're creating that inner fortress, and once
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: it's built, they move through the world differently, with more confidence,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: more clarity, more peace. Seneca takes this even further. He
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: talks about the importance of selective association, not avoiding people entirely,
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: but being intentional about who you spend time with. He wrote,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: associate with people who are likely to improve you. Welcome
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: those whom you are capable of improving. The process is
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: a mutual one. People learn as they teach. Notice what
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: he's saying here. Not all social interaction is valuable. In fact,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: some of it is actively harmful. Spending time with people
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: who drain you, who pull you down, who encourage your
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: worst tendencies, that's not connection, that's contamination. So the Stoics
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: advocated for quality over quantity. Choose your company carefully, and
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: when you can't find company that elevates you, choose solitude,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: because being alone with your thoughts is better than being
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: in bad company. Seneca also said something that might surprise you.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: He said, without solitude, no serious work is possible. Think
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: about what he's imp lying. That the most important work
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: you'll ever do, the work of understanding yourself, developing your character,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: clarifying your values, Creating something meaningful requires being alone. You
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: can't do deep work in constant company. You can't think
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: clearly when you're always responding to someone else's agenda. You
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: can't create when you're always consuming other people's ideas. Solitude
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: is not just about rest. It's about creation. It's about transformation.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: It's about the serious work of becoming who you're meant
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: to be. And this is where the Stoic perspective diverges
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: sharply from the modern view. Today we see solitude as
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: a void, an absence, something negative, but the Stoic saw
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: it as a presence, an opportunity, something deeply positive. Being
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: alone isn't what you do when you have nothing better
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: to do, it's what you do when you have the
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: most important work to do. Epictetus adds another layer to this.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: He was obsessed with the concept of freedom, and for him,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: freedom wasn't political or social, it was internal. He taught
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: that true freedom comes from recognizing what's within your control
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: and what isn't. And most things they're not within your control.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Other people's opinions of you, external events, the chaos of
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: the world. But your thoughts, your responses, your inner state,
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: those are yours. And claiming that freedom requires turning inward.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: It requires creating space between you and the external world
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: so you can see clearly, so you can respond from
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: a place of wisdom rather than react from a place
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: of conditioning. When you're constantly surrounded by people, constantly bombarded
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: with input, constantly managing social dynamics, you lose that space.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: You become reactive, controlled by external forces. But in solitude,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: you reclaim your power. You remember that you are not
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: your circumstances. You are not other people's expectations. You are
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: not the roles you play. You are the awareness beneath
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: all of that, and that awareness has agency, it has choice,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: it has freedom, but you can only access it when
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: you step back from the noise. Here's what the Stoics
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: understood that modern culture has forgotten. Your mind is your
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: most valuable asset, and like any asset, it require wire's maintenance, protection, cultivation.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: If you never take time away from external demands, your
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: mind becomes cluttered, polluted, shaped by forces you never consciously chose.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: But if you regularly retreat into solitude, you can clear
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: the clutter. You can examine what's really yours and what's
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: been imposed on you. You can make conscious choices about who
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: you want to be instead of unconsciously absorbing whatever the
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: world throws at you. This is what Marcus Aurelius was
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: doing when he wrote his meditations. He wasn't publishing a
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: book for others. He was writing to himself, reminding himself
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: of what mattered, clarifying his values, reinforcing the principles he
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: wanted to live by. And he could only do that
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: in solitude, in quiet, in the space between action and reaction.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: That's the work, that's the practice. That's why solitude matters. Now,
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: let's be clear, the Stoics weren't advocating for permanent isolation.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: They lived in the world, they had responsibilities, They engaged
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: with others. But they understood that engaging wisely requires regular withdrawal.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: That you can't give to others what you don't have yourself,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: that you can't maintain clarity in constant chaos. So they
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: built solitude into their practice daily, deliberately, and the result
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: they became some of the most influential thinkers in history.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Not because they avoided the world, but because they understood
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: how to maintain their center while engaging with it. There's
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: a modern misconception that you're either social or or solitary,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: that you're either engaged with the world or withdrawn from it.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: But the Stoics showed us a third way, engaged when
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: it serves, withdrawn when it's needed, flexible, intentional, strategic. They
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: didn't see solitude and society as opposites. They saw them
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: as complementary. You withdraw so you can engage more meaningfully.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: You reflect so you can act more wisely. You cultivate
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: your inner world so you can navigate the outer world
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: with greater skill. This is the wisdom that's been lost.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: This is what we need to reclaim because the modern
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: world wants to keep you busy, distracted, constantly consuming, constantly reacting,
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: constantly available. But that's not freedom, that's enslavement. Freedom is
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: having the clarity to know when to engage and when
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: to withdraw, the strength to say no to what doesn't
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: serve you, the wisdom to protect your inner world even
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: when the external world demands your attention. And all of
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: that starts with solitude. The Stoics knew this two thousand
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: years ago, and it's still true today. May be even
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: more true because the noise is louder now, the demands
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: are greater. The pressure to always be on is relentless,
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: which means the need for solitude is more urgent than ever.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: Not as an escape, not as avoidance, but as a practice,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: a discipline, a way of maintaining your humanity in a
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: world that constantly tries to turn you into a reaction machine.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: So when you choose solitude, you're not checking out. You're
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: tuning in to yourself, to what matters, to the quiet
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: truth that gets drowned out by constant noise, and that choice,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: the stoics would tell you that's one of the wisest
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: choices you can make. All right, Let's get to the
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: core of it. Why do some people actually genuinely prefer
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: to be alone, Not because they're damaged or afraid or antisocial,
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: but because solitude offers them something they can't find anywhere else.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Let's break down the real reasons, the honest ones, the
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: ones that don't fit neatly into society's narrative. Reason one,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: they're protecting their energy. This is probably the most fundamental one.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: People who prefer solitude aren't being selfish or antisocial. They're
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: being realistic about their capacity. Social interaction costs energy. It
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: just does even when it's enjoyable, even when it's with
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: people you love, it requires something from you. You have
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: to be present, You have to engage. You have to
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: manage not just your own experience but also your impact
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: on others. And some people simply have less social energy
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: than others, not because they're weak, because their nervous system
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: is wired differently. These are the people who can genuinely
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: enjoy a party for an hour and then suddenly hit
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: a wall. It's not that they're having a bad time,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: it's that their energy tank is empty, and pushing past
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: that point doesn't make them more social. It makes them irritable, foggy, disconnected.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: So they leave, They go home, they recharge, and society
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: judges them for it. Why are you leaving so early?
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: You're no fun? Just stay alone little longer. But what
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: people don't understand is that protecting your energy isn't optional.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: For these people, it's survival. If they don't honor their limits,
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: they burn out, and burned out people can't show up
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: for anyone, including themselves. So when they choose solitude, they're
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: not rejecting you. They're preserving their ability to function, to
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: be present when it matters to engage meaningfully rather than
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: just going through the motions. Reason too, they crave authenticity.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: Here's something people don't talk about enough. Social situations often
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: require performance. You're not just being yourself. You're being a
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: version of yourself that fits the context. At work, you're professional.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: At family gatherings, you're the good son or daughter at parties,
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: your friendly and engaging with acquaintances. You're polite and agreeable.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: None of these allies exactly, but they're not the whole
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: truth either. They're roles, masks acceptable versions of yourself, and
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: wearing masks is exhausting. People who prefer solitude often have
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: a low tolerance for inauthenticity, not because they're judgmental, but
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: because they've tasted what it feels like to be completely
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: unapologetically themselves, and anything less than that feels suffocating. In solitude,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: you don't have to perform, you don't have to manage
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: anyone's perception of you. You don't have to filter your
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: thoughts or moderate your emotions or pretend to care about
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: things that bore you. You can just be fully without apology.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: And once you've expect experience that level of freedom, going
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: back to social performance feels like putting on a costume.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: It's fine for short periods, but you can't live in it.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: So people who value authenticity often limit their social interactions
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: to situations and people where they can show up as themselves,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: and when those situations aren't available, they choose solitude because
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: being alone and authentic beats being surrounded by people while
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: wearing a mask. Reason three, they're deep thinkers. Some people's
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: minds just work differently. They're not satisfied with surface level conversation.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: They want depth, meaning substance, and unfortunately, most social interaction
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: doesn't offer that. Think about typical party conversation, whether work,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: weekend plans, who's dating, who, what show everyone's watching. There's
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: nothing wrong with small talk. It serves a purpose, It
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: builds rapport, it's how social groups maintain cohesion. But for
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: deep thinkers it's maddening because their mind is always working
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: on bigger questions. They're thinking about purpose meaning systems, ideas, patterns,
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: and most social situations don't have space for those conversations,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: so they feel disconnected, like they're speaking a different language,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: like everyone else is satisfied with the shallow end, while
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: they're desperately seeking depth. And after a while it becomes clear.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: If you want meaningful thought, you're more likely to find
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: it alone than in most social settings. In solitude, they
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: can read, reflect, write, think without interruption, follow their thoughts
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: wherever they lead without having to explain or justify or
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: make them palatable for others. That's not antisocial, that's intellectual
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: self care. And honestly, some of the greatest thinkers in
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: history were people who spent significant time alone, not because
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: they hated people, but because thinking deeply requires space, quiet,
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: and freedom from social obligation. Reason for, they value quality
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: over quantity in relationships. This goes back to something we
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: touched on earlier, but it's worth emphasizing because it's so misunderstood.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: People who prefer solitude aren't afraid of connection selective about it.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: They'd rather have two friends they can be completely real
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: with than twenty friends they have to perform for. They'd
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: rather spend one meaningful afternoon in deep conversation than attend
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: five social events full of shallow chitchat. This isn't coldness,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: its discernment because maintaining relationships takes time and energy, and
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: if you're someone with limited social energy, you have to
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: make choices. Do you spread yourself thin across dozens of
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: casual connections, or do you invest deeply in a few
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: meaningful ones. Most people who prefer solitude choose the latter,
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: and the relationships they build as a result are often
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: incredibly strong because they're built on genuine connection, not social obligation.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: Think about it. Would you rather have a friend who
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: shows up to everything but never really connects with you,
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: or a friend who declines most invitations, but when they
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: do show up, they're fully present, fully engaged, fully there
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: for you. People who prefer solitude tend to be the latter,
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: and ironically, even though they're less socially available, they often
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: end up being better friends because quality beats quantity every time.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Reason five. They're seeking self knowledge. Here's a hard truth.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: You can't truly know yourself if you are never alone.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: When you're constantly around others, you're constantly reacting, responding, adjusting, accommodating.
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: You're shaped by the expectations, opinions, and needs of everyone
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: around you. But in solitude, all of that falls away,
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: and what's left is you, the real you, without filters,
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: without performance, without the need to be anything other than
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: what you are. And that's where self knowledge lives. People
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: who regularly spend time alone tend to have a much
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: clearer sense of who they are, what they value, what
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: they want, what they're willing to tolerate, and what they're not.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: They've done the work of sitting with themselves, of examining
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: their thoughts, their patterns, their motivations, of confronting the parts
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: of themselves they'd rather ignore. That work is uncomfortable. It's
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: why most people avoid it. But it's also essential because
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: if you don't know yourself, you end up living someone
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: else's life, following someone else's path, pursuing someone else's definition
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: of success. But people who embrace solitude they know themselves,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: and that self knowledge becomes a compass. It guides their decisions,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: It strengthens their boundaries. It allows them to move through
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: life with intention, rather than just reacting to whatever comes
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: their way. Reason six, they're protecting their peace. Let's be honest.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: People bring drama, not always, not everyone, but enough that
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: being around others often means absorbing their stress, their problems,
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: their emotional chaos, and some people have decided they don't
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: want that in their lives. This doesn't mean they're selfish
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: or uncaring. It means They've learned that you can't help
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: anyone if you're drowning in their dysfunction, so they set boundaries.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: They limit their exposure to people and see situations that
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: disturb their peace. They choose environments and relationships that support
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: their well being rather than undermine it. And sometimes the
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: best way to protect your peace is to be alone.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: In solitude, you control the energy in your space. You
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: decide what you consume, what you think about, what you
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: allow into your awareness. There's no one projecting their anxiety
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: onto you, no one demanding your emotional labor, no one
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: disrupting your calm with their chaos. It's not that these
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: people don't care about others. It's that they care about
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: themselves enough to protect what's precious, and peace is precious.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: Reason seven they're doing creative work. This is huge and
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: often overlooked. Many people who prefer solitude are creators, writers, artists, musicians, thinkers, builders,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: and creation requires solitude. It just does. You can't access
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: your creative flow when you're constantly interrupted, when you're managing
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: social obligations, when your mind is fragmented by the demands
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: of others. Creation requires focus, depth, the ability to sink
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: into a state of concentration where time disappears and you're
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: completely absorbed in what you're making, and you can't get
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: there in a crowd. So people who are serious about
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: their creative work often become protective of their alone time,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: not because they're antisocial, but because they know that their
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: most important work happens in solitude. History backs this up.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: Any great artists, writers, composers, inventors spent significant time alone,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: not as hermits, necessarily, but as people who understood that
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: creation requires space. So when a creative person declines your invitation,
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: they're not rejecting you. They're protecting their ability to create.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: And honestly, the world is better for it, because the
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: work that comes out of that solitude often ends up
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: enriching everyone. Reason eate, they've tried the alternative and found
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: it wanting. Here's the last one, and it's important. A
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: lot of people who prefer solitude aren't making that choice
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: in a vacuum. They've tried the social route. They've pushed
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: themselves to be more outgoing, more available, more connected, and
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: they found that it made them miserable. They realized that
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: constant social interaction didn't make them happier. It made them
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: more anxious, more exhausted, more disconnected from themselves. So they
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: made a different choice. They stopped forcing themselves to be
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: someone there not. They stopped trying to fit a mold
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: that never fit in the first place, and they discovered
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: that life alone was better than life surrounded by people
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: while feeling utterly alone. That's not failure, that's wisdom. These
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: are the real reasons, and once you see them, it
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: becomes impossible to maintain the myth that people who prefer
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: solitude are broken. They're not broken. They're intentional, their self aware,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: they're protecting something valuable and maybe, just maybe they've figured
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: out something the rest of us are still learning. So
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: let's talk about what solitude actually gives you, because this
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: isn't just about avoiding the negative aspects of constant social interaction.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: It's about actively gaining something valuable. Solitude isn't a void,
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: it's a container, and what it contains might be some
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: of the most important experiences of your life. First clarity.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: When you're alone, without the noise of other people's opinions, expectations,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: and agendas, you can finally hear yourself think, and I
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: mean really think, not the surface level mental chatter that
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: fills your mind during the day, but the deeper thoughts,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: the questions that matter, the truths you've been avoiding. In solitude,
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: you can ask yourself, am I happy? Is this what
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: I want? Am I living according to my values or
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: someone else's? And you can sit with those questions long
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: enough to get real answers. Most people never do this.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: They're so busy reacting to life that they never pause
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: to ask if they're even going in the right direction,
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: and by the time they realize they're not, they're years
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: down a path that doesn't serve them. But people who
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: regularly spend time in solitude have a built in correction mechanism.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: They check in with themselves. They course correct. They make
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: decisions from a place of clarity rather than confusion. That
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: clarity is invaluable. It prevents you from wasting years on
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: things that don't matter. It helps you identify what does matter.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: It allows you to live intentionally rather than accidentally. Second, creativity,
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: creativity doesn't happen in crowds. It happens in the space
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: between stimulus and response, in the quiet moments, when your
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: mind is free to wander, make unexpected connections and generate
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: new ideas. Think about when you get your best ideas.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: It's probably not during a meeting or at a party.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: It's in the shower, on a walk, lying in bed,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: sitting alone with your thoughts. That's because creativity requires a
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: certain kind of mental state. You need to be relaxed
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: but alert, open but focused, and you need space for
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: your unconscious mind to do its work. Solitude provides that space,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: and this applies to all kinds of creation, writing, art, music,
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: problem solving, strategic thinking, any work that requires original thought
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: rather than just execution. People who regularly engage in creative
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: work often become fiercely protective of their alone time because
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: they know that's where the magic happens. That's where ideas emerge,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: That's where they tap into something deeper than their conscious
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: mind can access. Without solitude, creativity withers. With it, creativity flourishes.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: Third emotional regulation. Here's something most people don't realize. Being
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: around others constantly means you're always co regulating. Your nervous
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: system is responding to theirs. Their stress becomes your stress,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: Their anxiety bleeds into your experience. It's not always bad.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: Coregulation can be soothing when you're around calm, grounded people.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: But in modern life you're just as likely to be
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: around stressed, anxious, overwhelmed people, and absorbing that is exhausting.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: In solitude, you get to regulate yourself. You're not responding
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: to anyone else's emotional state. You're just sitting with your own,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: and that's where real emotional processing happens. You can feel
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: your feelings without having to manage anyone else's reaction to them.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: You can work through difficult emotions without performing strength or
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: positivity for others. You can be messy, uncertain, vulnerable, and
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: no one needs to see it, or fix it or
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: judge it. That freedom is healing. Over time, people who
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: spend regular time alone develop a much stronger capacity for
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: emotional self regulation. They don't need external validation to feel okay,
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: they don't need someone else to soothe them when they're upset.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: They've learned to sit with discomfort and allow it to pass.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: That's emotional maturity, and it's incredibly rare because most people
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: have never spent enough time alone to develop it. Fourth,
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: self sufficiency, there's a deep confidence that comes from knowing
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: you're okay on your own, that you don't need constant
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: external input to feel fulfilled that you can enjoy your
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: own company. People who are comfortable in solitude have a
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: kind of self sufficiency that makes them incredibly resilient. When
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: relationships end, they grieve, but they don't fall apart. When
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: plans fall through. They're disappointed but not devastated. When they
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: find themselves alone, they're not scrambling to fill the void
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: with noise. They know they're enough on their own without validation, attention,
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: or company, and that knowledge is liberating. It means you're
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: not dependent on others for your sense of worth. You're
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: not clinging to relationships out of fear of being alone.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: You're not saying yes to things you don't want to
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: do just to avoid solitude. You're free to choose relationships
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: because you want them, not because you need them, to
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: engage with life on your terms, to be genuinely self
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: directed rather than other dependent. That's power fifth authentic relationships.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: Here's the paradox. People who are comfortable being alone often
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: have better relationships than people who can't stand solitude. Why
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: because they're not desperate, they're not needy. They're not in
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: relationships to avoid being alone. They're in relationships because they
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: genuinely want to connect, and that changes everything. When you're
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: comfortable in your own company, you stop settling, you stop
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: tolerating relationships that don't serve you, You stop performing for
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: people who don't appreciate you. You become selective, discerning, clear
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: about what you will and won't accept, and the relationships
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: you build from that place they're real, deep, authentic because
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: you're showing up as yourself, not as whoever you think
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: you need to be to keep people around, and you're
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: allowing others to show up as themselves too. That kind
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: of connection is rare, and it's only possible when you're
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: not afraid to be alone. Sixth spiritual depth. Whether you're
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: religious or not, there's something deeply spiritual about solitude. It's
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: where you connect with something larger than yourself. In silence,
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: you can hear the whispers of intuition, the subtle guidance
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: that gets drowned out by constant noise, the sense that
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: you're part of something bigger, even when you're alone. For
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: thousands of years, spiritual seekers have withdrawn into solitude not
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: because they were running from the world, but because they
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: were seeking something the world couldn't give them. Connection to
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: the sacred to truth, to the part of themselves that
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: transcends daily concerns and touches something eternal. You don't have
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: to be religious to experience this, but you do have
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: to be willing to be alone, to sit in silence,
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: to let go of distraction and really listen. And what
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: you hear in that space it changes you. It gives
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: you perspective. It reminds you that your problems, while real,
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: are also temporary, that you're part of a much larger story.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: That perspective is grounding. It keeps you from getting lost
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: in the chaos. It provides an anchor when everything else
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: is unstable. The bottom line, solitude isn't empty. It's full,
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: full of opportunities that you simply can't access when you're
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: constantly surrounded by others. It offers clarity when you're confused,
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: creativity when you're stuck, healing when you're hurt, strength when
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: you're depleted, truth when you're lost, and the people who've
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 1: learned to embrace it, they're not missing out, papping into
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: something most people never find. So now that we've dismantled
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: the myth and revealed the truth, let's reframe this entire
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: conversation because words matter, labels matter, and the way we
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: talk about people who prefer solitude shapes how we understand
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: them and how they understand themselves. Let's start with what
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: they're not. They're not antisocial. Antisocial implies hostility towards society,
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: a desire to harm or undermine social structures. That's not
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: what's happening here. People who prefer solitude aren't against people.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: They'refore themselves. There's a huge difference. They're not lonely. Loneliness
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: is suffering. It's the painful gap between the connection you
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: want and the connection you have. But people who choose
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: solitude aren't suffering that gap. Their content fulfilled at peace.
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: They're not broken, there's nothing to fix. Their preference for
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: solitude isn't a symptom of trauma, dysfunction, or inability. It's
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: a legitimate way of being in the world that works
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: for them. They're not afraid. The assumption is often that
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: people who avoid social situations are scared, scared of judgment,
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: scared of rejection, scared of vulnerability. But that's projection. Most
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: people who prefer solitude aren't avoiding anything. They're moving towards
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: something they value. More. They're not missing out. This is
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: the big one. Society loves to tell solitude seekers that
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: they're missing the best parts of life, experiences, adventures, connections.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: But who gets to define what the best parts of
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: life are. Maybe the best part of life isn't the party.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the quiet morning alone with your thoughts. Maybe
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: it's the afternoon spent creating something. Maybe it's the deep
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: conversation with one person instead of surface level interaction with twenty. Now,
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: let's talk about what they are. They're intentional. They've thought
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: about how they want to live. They've made conscious choices
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: about how to spend their time and energy. They're not
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: just going along with what everyone else is doing. They're
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: designing a life that actually works for them. They're self aware.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: They know themselves, their limits, their needs, their values, and
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: they honor those things even when it makes them different
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: from the majority. They're selective. They don't reject all connection.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: They reject shallow connection. They don't avoid all people. They
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: avoid people and situations that drain them. They're not closed off.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: They're discerning. They're resilient because they've learned to be okay
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: on their own. They're not dependent on external validation to
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: maintain their sense of self. They're internally anchored, and that
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: makes them incredibly stable. They're authentic. They're not performing, they're
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: not pretending, they're not molding themselves to fit others expectations.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: They're showing up as they are, and that authenticity is
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: magnetic to the right people. See how different that sounds,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: same people, completely different frame. And here's what's wild. When
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: you reframe it this way, Suddenly solitude doesn't look like
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: a deficit. It looks like a strength. Think about the
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 1: qualities we actually admire in people self knowledge, authenticity, clarity, resilience, creativity, depth.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 1: All of these are cultivated in solitude. So maybe the
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: question isn't what's wrong with people who prefer to be alone.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe the question is what do they understand that the
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: rest of us don't. Because here's the truth. The people
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: who are most comfortable in their own company have figured
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: out something essential. They've learned that you can't find yourself
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: in a crowd. You can't hear your own voice when
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: you're constantly listening to everyone else's. You can't build a
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: life that truly fits you if you're always accommodating others.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: They've learned that solitude isn't loneliness, it's freedom. And once
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: you taste that freedom, once you experience what it feels
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: like to be completely yourself without apology or performance, it
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: becomes something you protect, something you prioritize, something you're unwilling
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: to sacrifice just to fit in. This doesn't make them
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: better than anyone else, It just makes them different, and
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: different isn't wrong, But society struggles with difference. It wants
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: everyone to fit the same mold, extroverted, social, always available,
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: always connected, and anyone who doesn't fit that mold gets labeled, judged,
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: pressured to conform. But what if we stopped doing that?
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: What if we accepted that people are wired differently, that
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: some people genuinely thrive in crowds while others genuinely thrive
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: in solitude, That neither is better or worse, just different.
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: What if we created space for introverts to be in
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: introverted without making them feel like they need to explain
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: or apologize or change. What if we celebrated people who
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: know themselves well enough to honor their needs, even when
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: those needs don't match the cultural norm. The world would
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: be better, more diverse, more accepting, more humane, and ironically,
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: the people who prefer solitude would probably engage more because
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: when you're not constantly defending your choices, when you're not
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: made to feel broken for being who you are, you
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: have more energy to show up authentically. So let's stop
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: pathologizing solitude. Let's stop treating it like a problem that
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: needs solving. Let's reframe it for what it actually is,
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: a valid, valuable, powerful way of being in the world.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: And for those of you who prefer solitude, let's be clear.
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: You don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't need to
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: justify your needs. You don't have to apologize for taking
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: care of yourself. Your preference isn't a flaw, it's part
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: of who you are, and honoring it isn't selfish, it's
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: self respect. The people who truly matter will understand, and
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: the people who don't they're not your people. So stop
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: shrinking yourself to fit a narrative that was never designed
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: for you. Stop forcing yourself into situations that deplete you.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 1: Stop believing that there's something wrong with you because you're different.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: You're not broken, You're just you and that's more than enough.
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: So here we are. We started with a myth that
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: people who prefer to be alone must be lonely, broken,
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 1: or anti social, and we've dismantled it peace by peace.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: We've explored the psychology behind solitude, how introversion and high
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: sensitivity aren't flaws but wiring differences, How some people's brains
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: simply require more downtime to function optimally. We've drawn from
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: stoic wisdom Marcus Aurelius teaching us about the inner citadel,
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: Seneca reminding us that serious work requires solitude, Epictetus showing
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: us that true freedom lives within. We've examined the real
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: reasons people choose solitude, protecting energy, seeking authenticity, cultivating self knowledge,
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: prioritizing quality over quantity in relationships. And we've looked at
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: what solitude actually gives you clarity, creativity, emotional regulation, self sufficiency,
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: authentic connection, spiritual depth. The evidence is overwhelming. Choosing solitude
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: isn't a problem for many people, it's wisdom. So where
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: does that leave us? If you're someone who's always preferred
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 1: your own company, maybe this video gave you permission to
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: stop apologizing for it. Maybe it helped you see that
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: your preference isn't a flaw, but a feature. Maybe it
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: reminded you that you're not alone in feeling different. And
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: if you're someone who's never understood the appeal of solitude,
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: maybe this shifted your perspective. Maybe you'll think twice before
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: judging someone for leaving early, declining invitations, or simply needing space.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll recognize that their choice isn't a rejection of you,
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: but an honoring of themselves. Either way, here's what I
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: want you to take away. We're all different. Some of
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: us recharge in crowds, others recharge alone. Some of us
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: think out loud, others think in silence. Some of us
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: crave constant connection, others crave periodic solitude. None of these
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: preferences are wrong. They're just different operating systems trying to
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 1: navigate the same world. And the world works better when
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: we stop trying to force everyone into the same mold,
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: when we create space for different ways of being, when
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: we recognize that diversity in how we connect, how we think,
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: how we recharge, That diversity is a strength, not a weakness.
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: Your relationship with solitude matters whether you love it or
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 1: fear it, whether you seek it or avoid it. It's
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: worth examining because solitude is where you meet yourself, really
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: meet yourself, not the version you perform for others, not
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: the role you play at work or in your family.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 1: Just you and that relationship, the one you have with
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: yourself when no one else is watching. That's the foundation
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: everything else is built on. If you're uncomfortable in your
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: own company, that's worth exploring. Not because you need to
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: become a loner, but because being okay alone is freedom.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: It means you're choosing relationships out of desire, not desperation.
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: It means you're living from a place of wholeness rather
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: than lack. And if you're already comfortable in solitude, honor that.
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: Don't let the world convince you to override your own needs.
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: Don't sacrifice your peace on the altar of social expectations.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: You know what serves you. Trust that there's wisdom in withdrawal.
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: We live in a world that glorifies constant connection, perpetual availability,
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: NonStop productivity. But that's not sustainable, it's not healthy, and
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: for many people, it's not even desirable. The Stoics knew this.
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: They built solitude into their practice, not as escape, but
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: as maintenance, as the way you keep your mind clear,
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: your values aligned, your center stable. Maybe we need to
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: reclaim that practice to recognize that stepping back isn't checking out,
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: it's tuning in to yourself, to what matters, to the
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: quiet truth that gets drowned out by constant noise. Compassion
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: goes both ways. If you prefer solitude, have compassion for
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: people who don't understand. They're not trying to be difficult.
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: They're genuinely confused because for them, connection is nourishing and
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: they can't imagine why anyone would choose otherwise. So when
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: they ask if you're okay, when they worry about you,
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 1: when they push you to be more social, they're coming
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: from care. Even if it doesn't land that way. You
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: can set boundaries kindly. You can help them understand, but
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: you don't have to convince them. You just have to
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: live your truth. And if you're someone who's never craved solitude,
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: have compassion for those who do. Their need for space
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: isn't personal. It's not about you, it's about them honoring
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 1: their own wiring. So when they decline your invitation, don't
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: take it as rejection. When they leave early, don't assume
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 1: they had a bad time. When they need alone, time,
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: don't make them explain or justify, Just accept that they're
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: different and give them the same freedom you'd want for yourself.
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: Final thought, the people who prefer solitude aren't the ones
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: missing out. They're not the ones who need saving or
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: fixing or changing. They're the ones who figured out how
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: to be at peace with themselves, how to find fulfillment
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: without constant external input, how to build a rich inner
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 1: world that sustains them and honestly, in a world that's
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: increasingly noisy, chaotic, and demanding, that might be one of
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: the most valuable skills you can develop. So, whether you're
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: an introvert or an extrovert, whether you crave crowds or quiet,
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: here's what matters yourself. Honor your needs, don't apologize for
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 1: being different, don't force yourself to be someone you're not,
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: And recognize that there are many ways to live a
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 1: good life, many ways to connect, many ways to find
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: meaning and joy and fulfillment. Solitude is one of them,
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 1: and for the people who choose it, it's not what
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: you think. It's not loneliness, it's not isolation. It's not emptiness.
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: It's freedom, it's clarity, it's coming home to yourself and
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: that that's a beautiful thing. If you're done apologizing for
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: needing space and ready to embrace solitude as the gift
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: it is, drop a comment. No apologies, don't forget to
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: subscribe to the stoic mode and turn on notifications. We're
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 1: just getting started on this journey toward authentic living. Thank
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: you for trusting me with your time. Now go protect
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 1: your peace, stay centered.