Latest / Beyond the Pouch / Beck on Parenting & Pregnancy with a Stoma | Beyond the Pouch S3 EP6

Transcript

Beck on Parenting & Pregnancy with a Stoma | Beyond the Pouch S3 EP6 · Beyond the Pouch

0:00
SPEAKER_03: How to approach the subject of introducing your bag to your child or any child that's in your life?
0:07
SPEAKER_02: So, like you say, he grew up like seeing his mommy with a bag the entire time.
0:12
SPEAKER_03: But you were pregnant with your stoma as well.
0:15
SPEAKER_03: I was.
0:16
SPEAKER_03: How was your stoma when you were pregnant and and after?
0:20
SPEAKER_02: My surgeon and gastroductor was like, we don't want any damage to happen if you'd had a natural labour.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: We didn't know whether it would prolapse and it'd be like that forever, like permanent damage.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: So they said, How do you feel about a section?
0:33
SPEAKER_02: But I've not ever been able to experience a natural labour.
0:36
SPEAKER_02: Because I had such a hard start with airs when he was a baby, I didn't get to enjoy him.
0:42
SPEAKER_02: And that was a really big thing for me.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to enjoy having a baby with this healthier body, this better body.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: But when I think back, I do think I adjusted to life with the stoma really well.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: Because I was so poorly, and it made me feel so well.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: Right and lovely people, we're back.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Episode six of Beyond the Pouch podcast, and this week we've got one of the real OGs of the Stoma's face.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: We've got Bag Life of Beck coming in.
1:12
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
1:12
SPEAKER_03: And Beck was one of the first people that popped up on my feed when I had my surgery, and she is very famous for doing a naked catwalk.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, really inspirational individual.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, I can't wait to have her on.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: So let's get her in.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes, let's do this.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Welcome everyone to episode six of Beyond the Pouch Podcast with the incredible Beck.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: She's here.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Hello.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: Bag Life of Beck, which also knows her social media handle.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna start as we always do with a couple of quick fire questions for you.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: So the first one is what's one of the biggest stoma myths that you'd want to have busted?
1:50
SPEAKER_03: That they smell.
1:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's a popular one.
1:53
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: Um second one, most empowering moment you've had since having a stoma?
1:58
SPEAKER_02: I did a naked catwalk.
1:59
SPEAKER_02: Did you?
2:00
SPEAKER_00: They did.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, that was incredible.
2:05
SPEAKER_03: That was yeah.
2:06
SPEAKER_03: Alright, you'll have to tell us what you're doing.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Um one word that describes your relationship with your body right now.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: At peace.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: That's really nice.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: Lovely.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: We've not heard at peace yet, have we?
2:17
SPEAKER_01: No.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: That's really good.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: We haven't.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: And then last but not least, a song or a quote that always um lifts your mood.
2:25
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know about lifts my mood.
2:27
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, it's quickfire.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: It's helps me realise how far I've come, which is Miley Cyrus the Climb.
2:33
SPEAKER_02: Oh that's my jam when I'm feeling the need to, you know, keep going back.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: We'll have that as an outro song.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: That's what we'll do.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: That's what we'll do for here.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Well, look, thank you so much for coming on today.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I know we're gonna have loads of people gonna be so interested in this because it's focusing mainly on like parenting, like stoma life, navigating kids with all of those sorts of things.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: So the first thing we really want to chat about is something about you, like your diagnosis and Yeah.
3:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so um when I was 18, I ate a Nando's and I got food poisoning, which then triggered my ulcerative colitis.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: Really?
3:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, nando's PNA.
3:12
SPEAKER_02: I still go to Nando's now, by the way.
3:13
SPEAKER_02: You do, yeah.
3:14
SPEAKER_02: I had one the other week, actually.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: And you and you get it.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you are very good.
3:19
SPEAKER_02: Um and yeah, so I had acute food poison in the doctors said for months.
3:25
SPEAKER_02: And my mum was my best advocate.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: She was like, This is not normal.
3:29
SPEAKER_02: You know, you should send her for a camera or something because they were saying that my stools were fine, but like my samples were just full of blood, like I couldn't stop going to the toilet, I lost weight.
3:39
SPEAKER_02: So when I eventually got the camera, I had a sigmoidoscopy to begin with.
3:44
SPEAKER_02: Um the lady, I think her name, I'm sure her name's like Pixie, it's like a really strange name.
3:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, she was like, I can't officially diagnose you, but your, you know, your colon and everything is a complete mess, and I'm pretty sure you've got ultra tipcolitis.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, I had no idea what that was at all.
4:03
SPEAKER_02: So from that, you know, tried all the different meds, tried everything, like biologics.
4:09
SPEAKER_02: I think I was one of the first to have like inflexi map as a UC patient rather than cranes.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: Um we tried steroids, only intravenous steroids would kind of like stabilise me, um, all my skin split, lost my I didn't lose all my hair, but a lot of my hair fell out.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: Um and then yeah, I was 20.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: So I wanted for two years, and I was 20 when a surgeon came round and my mum and dad were sat next to the bed with me, and he said, I've got a daughter your age, and it would absolutely kill me, it would break my heart seeing her as poorly as you.
4:40
SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna do the surgery.
4:42
SPEAKER_02: If you're happy and I'm 95% sure you'll feel better after.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: So that was the Tuesday, and I had it on the Friday.
4:52
SPEAKER_03: And did you know what a stoma was?
4:54
SPEAKER_02: No, I remember a nurse saying to me actually, Oh, don't worry, it's not it's not very big.
4:59
SPEAKER_02: You can put a little cap on it.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: I've heard that.
5:03
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Yeah.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: At the time I was like, cool, yeah.
5:07
SPEAKER_02: I was no, I've got it.
5:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh and then when I had it, and I was just like, where's this cap?
5:13
SPEAKER_02: How does it work?
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Because it was like constantly, like always working at the start.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: So I was just like, but yeah.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: So two years I kind of went through meds and everything, and then I was 20 when I had my bag, and genuinely immediately like my symptoms were relieved.
5:30
SPEAKER_03: Oh, and how do you and how did you take to your bag?
5:32
SPEAKER_03: How did you take to seeing that?
5:35
SPEAKER_03: Um You were so young.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: I was.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: I think I didn't look at it for a while, and the nurse was like, Do you want to look at it?
5:44
SPEAKER_02: Because she was emptying it for me.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Okay.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: And I looked down, and I genuinely think the first thing I thought of was I thought Mike, who's my husband, was gonna leave me.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: Why would he be with someone that had that on their stomach?
5:58
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, Oh my god, he's gonna hate me.
6:00
SPEAKER_02: No one's gonna love me.
6:02
SPEAKER_02: Like, this is gross.
6:03
SPEAKER_02: I kept apologizing.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: She was like, please stop saying sorry.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it smells, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Stop saying sorry.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: Um but I when I think back, I do think I adjusted to life with a stoma really well because I was so poorly and it made me feel so well.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so much.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: That it was posit it was more positive than not.
6:24
SPEAKER_02: I think the battles came on later, once I kind of got used to feeling the way that I did, and it was like kind of like the novelty wore off, is when I started to struggle more with like living life with a stoma.
6:38
SPEAKER_02: As I say, like mentally, I wore baggy clothes all the time.
6:41
SPEAKER_02: Like I just was just like yeah, I reckon about maybe like nine months in.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: So what changed then around that nine month time?
6:50
SPEAKER_02: Was it just I think because I probably started to like go back to work, I leaked all the time.
6:55
SPEAKER_02: So I've got this is my second stoma, yeah.
6:58
SPEAKER_02: So I leaked all the time, it was sore.
7:01
SPEAKER_02: Like I just I you know, I was going out all the time and I was like, I didn't want to wear clothes that I think people could see it because if uh what I had to try and convince myself is I know it's there, but I didn't know this existed before I had it.
7:16
SPEAKER_02: No way would I walk around a nightclub looking at people's stomachs, seeing if they had a stamina on their stomach.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: So it's like I had to try and tell myself no one's looking, but I thought everybody was staring.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Every time I left the house, I was like, they're looking, they're looking, they're looking.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: And like my husband was like, they're no, they don't have no idea it exists.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And if they're looking, it's because they're curious.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: You would probably look as well.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: Like if you saw something you'd never seen before, you're not doing it because you think, oh, you're doing it because you're like, oh, what's that?
7:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's a big difference there.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's just a tune in my brain to think that, to try and think that not everybody's horrible, not everybody's thinking negatively.
7:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:52
SPEAKER_02: To try and then make myself feel more comfortable with it when I was out and about and at work and or not.
8:00
SPEAKER_03: And and you've done you mentioned you did the naked catwalk.
8:03
SPEAKER_03: I remember it's a lot of blue involved, wasn't there?
8:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, blue and red pain.
8:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so how did that come out?
8:09
SPEAKER_02: When when did that happen?
8:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, it was just after COVID.
8:12
SPEAKER_02: I want to say like 2022.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: Um you could apply.
8:19
SPEAKER_02: So Sophie T, the artist, opened up applications to do a naked catwalk, a nudie catwalk, she calls it.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: Um and I applied and they said come on down.
8:30
SPEAKER_02: So I got my friend CJ came with me.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: Um got the tra they got the train down, I met her there, and um I think it was just surreal.
8:42
SPEAKER_02: Like I'd never been naked in front of anyone before, let alone like with my bag out.
8:46
SPEAKER_02: So when I saw these women, I just felt so empowered in the room.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: Like they were just getting their kit off, they were just getting nutty, like I was just like, oh my god, like I can't imagine it must have been incredible.
8:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I was still kind of very like, oh, like my yeah, because you had like a gown.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, but at first, again, like I was very like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: Like everyone could see my booze, like covering myself up.
9:14
SPEAKER_02: And then it got to the point where um she had different people painting.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: So like old nudies were painting the new nudies, which was really nice.
9:21
SPEAKER_02: And then she came around and she was like, Oh, let me paint you.
9:24
SPEAKER_02: And then she was like, I don't want to put any paint on your bag.
9:27
SPEAKER_02: I want your bag to pop.
9:28
SPEAKER_03: I want it to stand out, I want people to see it.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: That's so I think it was really weird.
9:33
SPEAKER_02: So when I first started to get painted, I felt really insecure.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my goodness me.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: I had little tiny panties on.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: Some people were completely nut, like painting.
9:42
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my god, I couldn't do that.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: I had no giving me sweat little pants on.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: Um but when I was painted, I don't know what it was, but I just felt amazing.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, even though my bag was on show the entire time in front of this room full of women who had gone through breast cancer, they'd gone through all different walks of life, like treatments, like everything.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: And I just felt so empowered.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: And all these women were like, You are amazing, you look amazing.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: And like my sounds, my family, it was streamed on YouTube, and all my family were watching.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: And they were like, We might be biased, but you got a really good cheer when you came out because they saw the bag and they were like, Oh my god.
10:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:22
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, like I was literally nearly in tears before I went out.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: I've never been so scared in my entire life.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: Wow, yeah.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: But I'm so glad I did it.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean, huge gratulations, because that is that is unreal.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I'd like before we go into all the rest of it, what made you go, I'm gonna apply?
10:38
SPEAKER_00: Because if you've gone from a I'm so body conscious, I'm worried about this, what what then changed for you to be like, no, let's go and do it?
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Like I don't know.
10:47
SPEAKER_02: I think like that is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: And I think I'd seen videos of people doing it previously and how fun it looked and how empowered they were and how amazing they felt after it, and I just thought, you know, that's a bit contagious that I want to feel like that.
11:02
SPEAKER_02: I want to do something that I've never done and I want to be proud of.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: And it is like, it's always my tell us something we don't know about you.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: It's like it's always my thing that I like to I like to do because I am really proud of myself for doing it.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: You should be, and so you should be.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: Incredible.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: What a journey.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: And that's probably helps with like as you said at the start, you're at peace with with your body.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: That's so empowering.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: I love doing these podcasts, man.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Everyone comes in with their incredible stories.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so good.
11:32
SPEAKER_03: You're okay?
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:34
SPEAKER_03: Um, so we are here to talk about parenting for this episode.
11:39
SPEAKER_03: So you've got um a son.
11:41
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
11:42
SPEAKER_03: And you had your stoma when you had him.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
11:45
SPEAKER_03: And we've covered bits about pregnancy and that, but what we really want to talk about today, more of a focus is how to approach the subject of introducing your bag to your child or any child that's in your life.
12:00
SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, how I suppose, you know, as they're a baby, they're not gonna go, oh, what's that?
12:05
SPEAKER_03: But I mean, how was it growing up, your son growing up with you with a bag?
12:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, sure.
12:11
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, with so the little boy's called Ezra.
12:14
SPEAKER_02: He's amazing.
12:16
SPEAKER_02: And so, like you say, he grew up like seeing his mummy with a bag the entire time.
12:21
SPEAKER_02: And from memory, I can't ever remember him specifically asking what it is or why it's there.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: I think I've always been so open about it.
12:30
SPEAKER_02: I've always been like, I mean, you probably understand as well with with your kids, like there's no such thing as privacy.
12:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, you're in the bath, you're on the toilet, and they're running in, and you know, like he's always seen it and he's always known it's there, and he's never really like he knew what it does, like he knows that poo comes out of it.
12:46
SPEAKER_02: Like he's he's come into the bathroom while it's up and empty, and like you know, he's he's helped me change it before.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: Like he's asked, you know, can he help can he help me in any way?
12:55
SPEAKER_02: Which I think is also amazing because personally I'm always like hat off like my husband and my son and like other people who can deal with that are absolutely incredible human beings, because even though I have one myself, I don't know how well I could cope with like changing somebody else's state or you know, like dealing with somebody else's, because I'm like, I'm quite not screamish, but I'm quite like smell sensitive as well.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: So I'm always a bit like um, but no, he's always known, and I've got I've got a funny story to be fair.
13:25
SPEAKER_02: So when he was in um reception class, he well, we went to pick him up after school, and the teacher said to us, like, Oh, can we have a word with you please?
13:34
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh god, what's he doing?
13:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was like, Yeah, of course you can, that's fine, yeah.
13:39
SPEAKER_02: And then she was like, he's been saying something really strange today.
13:43
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, he went, he's he's asked me a really strange question, and I was like, Okay, right, oh god.
13:49
SPEAKER_02: And then she went, He's asked if I poo in a bag.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh I was like, Oh, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
14:00
SPEAKER_02: He said, All women poo in a bag.
14:02
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know what what does he mean?
14:04
SPEAKER_02: I don't know where he's got this from.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Well, I actually have a stoma and I have a ileostomy and I have I wear a bag and I do in fact poo into a bag.
14:15
SPEAKER_02: But I was absolutely mortified.
14:17
SPEAKER_02: I was like, gave him like a little pep talk out.
14:19
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Ezra, it's only mummy that we know of that poo's in a bag, not all but he goes, I thought it was every woman.
14:26
SPEAKER_03: Oh, the innocence of that though, and that you know, it's well I suppose it's not like I don't know.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: He'd never seen another you would never have seen another woman's belly.
14:38
SPEAKER_02: So his assumption was every single woman poos into a bag.
14:42
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, right, okay.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: I felt I did feel like I failed him a little bit because he's gone out into the world thinking that, which is the complete opposite to what kids would usually think.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: So like a kid, some kids would never know these exist.
14:54
SPEAKER_02: So he's gone out there thinking everybody has one.
14:57
SPEAKER_02: So we sat him down and just explained to like, you know, I was poorly, I you know, I couldn't stop going to the toilet, medicine didn't help.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: So this helped me get better.
15:07
SPEAKER_02: He was like, Oh yeah, chill, cool.
15:08
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
15:08
SPEAKER_03: Fine.
15:09
SPEAKER_03: Was that it?
15:10
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, chill, cool.
15:11
SPEAKER_03: That's your normal, I suppose you wouldn't think one day to magically go, right, oh, let's have the conversation, you know.
15:18
SPEAKER_03: You you wouldn't do that, would you?
15:19
SPEAKER_03: So you didn't fail him.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: No, but do you know when it's just like, oh, I like I don't know.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: I I hope he didn't get into trouble.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: Do you know?
15:26
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, well, stop saying that.
15:27
SPEAKER_02: That's ridiculous, Ezra.
15:29
SPEAKER_02: But he was actually like, no, it's true.
15:31
SPEAKER_03: But he but he had no other way of it.
15:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh gosh.
15:35
SPEAKER_03: So obviously, with him with you know, with potty training and things like that.
15:40
SPEAKER_03: So I've got a two-year-old and a ten-year-old like you, and I'm now very conscious.
15:45
SPEAKER_03: He lifts his top up and goes to the toilet because he sees me and his older brother emptying a bag.
15:50
SPEAKER_03: This I don't bother locking the toilet door, there's no point.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: They'd just be banging it.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: There's no trail.
15:56
SPEAKER_03: You see their little face come under the crack in the door, like I genuinely think he thinks, oh, I'm gonna and then he must I don't know what he's thinking, but he obviously thinks, well, oh, should I have a bag or something?
16:10
SPEAKER_03: So how did did that affect anything?
16:13
SPEAKER_03: Did he just No, I don't know.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: I don't think so.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: I think it got to a certain age as he stopped coming into the bathroom after a certain age because he was like I wouldn't know.
16:23
SPEAKER_02: He was like, It's Ralph! Mm is not a poo! I'm like, oh my god, stop it, stop it, I can't help it.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, we got to a stage where he was just like, stay away from me.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Like question to both of you, because obviously you said you've both got kids.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: Bathroom privacy.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: Have they ever, as you've been emptying it, gone, why are you doing that?
16:41
SPEAKER_00: Have there ever been questions around that?
16:44
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so I think it's different for me because my eldest has a stoma too, so and he had it before me.
16:51
SPEAKER_03: So it that's completely Yeah, it's not quite the same situation, but it's more of I suppose, why uh so funny story.
16:59
SPEAKER_03: He I think he went into a men's toilet years ago and saw a massive how can I describe it, thing that men do in the toilet.
17:06
SPEAKER_03: What word shall I use?
17:07
SPEAKER_03: I don't know, a log, shall we say.
17:09
SPEAKER_03: That's how he described it.
17:11
SPEAKER_03: And he just went, where did that come from?
17:13
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Well, that's that's uh um you know, a man must have done that poo.
17:17
SPEAKER_03: And he's like, but where did it come out of his bottom?
17:19
SPEAKER_03: And that he was gobsmacked.
17:21
SPEAKER_03: He couldn't believe that could come out of someone's bum.
17:24
SPEAKER_03: And so there's the that's the opposite end of the spectrum.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I think just because I did like he's always been I think he just always knew like we emptied like I'd emptied it in the toilet.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: I think he just always knew it's it's poo.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: I guess they won't ask because it's like that's their normal like that's what they see every day, so they wouldn't question.
17:41
SPEAKER_03: They wouldn't know to ask.
17:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
17:42
SPEAKER_03: That's really interesting.
17:43
SPEAKER_03: But it's gonna make them more I think it's gonna be make them more sympathetic and more accepting of people with differences because it's not something you see every day.
17:52
SPEAKER_03: No.
17:52
SPEAKER_03: So to grow up around differences like that, I think it's only gonna benefit them in the long run.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:58
SPEAKER_03: Definitely.
17:58
SPEAKER_02: We're creating good little people.
18:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
18:01
SPEAKER_03: Um but you were pregnant with your stoma as well.
18:04
SPEAKER_02: I was.
18:04
SPEAKER_03: And it's uh people can experience it in different ways, can't they?
18:10
SPEAKER_03: As they go, no pregnancy is the same.
18:13
SPEAKER_03: How was your stoma when you were pregnant and and after?
18:16
SPEAKER_03: Was there any noticeable changes?
18:18
SPEAKER_02: So at first it was fine, I just grew.
18:21
SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't grow very big though, because I'm tall and I was very thin.
18:25
SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't really get a massive bump, which I'm quite happy about because I think it was around about week 16, 17, Mike was playing rugby, and I was stood on the sideline every week, as I did, freezing.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: And um dedication.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: And um so I I felt this pulling sensation, and it was something that I'd not felt before, and I was like, this feels weird.
18:46
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if it's the bum.
18:49
SPEAKER_02: Me, I've got a bit because sometimes when you get a little bit of food stuck or some thick food, it pulls a little bit when it empties, doesn't it?
18:56
SPEAKER_02: So it's like, is it that?
18:57
SPEAKER_02: Like, have I eaten something that's a bit a bit thick?
18:59
SPEAKER_02: So it is pulling that too, isn't it?
19:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I was like, right, went to the toilet, dead cash.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: Like, and then I went, I I went in, had a look, and I had my bag was full of red.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Like my stoma filled my bag.
19:12
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, sounds absolutely ridiculous, but when I think about it now, but I was like, oh my god, I'm dying.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: I was like, like, I'm not okay.
19:19
SPEAKER_02: Is my baby okay?
19:21
SPEAKER_02: Panicking.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: Like that must have been.
19:23
SPEAKER_02: I didn't even I didn't even know that I could prolapse.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: So like that was just like a what is going on?
19:29
SPEAKER_02: So I called my mother-in-law and I was like in tears.
19:33
SPEAKER_02: And she was like, came running to the bathroom, and I was like, showed her, and she went running out.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: So dramatic.
19:40
SPEAKER_02: Mike stopped playing rugby in the middle of a game, came running over.
19:43
SPEAKER_02: So everybody's like, oh my god, what's happened to Beck and the baby?
19:47
SPEAKER_02: Got to A and E.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: I was like beside myself.
19:49
SPEAKER_02: I'd calmed down, but it was still like prolapsed.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, got into the the second stage of A and E, whatever that is, and um a doctor went, just lie down for me.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, What?
20:01
SPEAKER_02: Just lie down.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Okay, let down and it went back in.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Are you kidding me?
20:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: I was literally like, I'm dying.
20:10
SPEAKER_03: And he went, just lie down.
20:12
SPEAKER_03: You could have just had a sneaky nap on the sideline of the pitch, you'd have been fine.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: But that happened every day then.
20:17
SPEAKER_02: So like my I prolapsed every day.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: Every time I stood up for a certain amount of time, it's I'd fall out.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: So when I worked, I had a special chair that if I was sat up and it was starting to come out, I could kind of like recline and carry on working.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: Um because I worked all the way through because I was stubborn.
20:34
SPEAKER_02: Like you probably are the same, but I'm like, this does not control me.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: I am a strong woman.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: You do not control my life.
20:42
SPEAKER_02: So I was at that point where I was like, I'm not finishing work early, I'm getting through this.
20:46
SPEAKER_02: And like, you should really be like on bed rest.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: I was like, nope, I am, I'm fine.
20:51
SPEAKER_02: So we had like um supports that kind of helped.
20:56
SPEAKER_02: Like I couldn't have really strong supports because I still needed my bag to empty, so I couldn't have it too restrictive.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, every time I had my scans and things like so.
21:06
SPEAKER_02: My stoma was on my left hand side when I was pregnant, it's on my right hand side now.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: But Ez was always on my right hand side.
21:13
SPEAKER_02: They were always like, he very rarely was behind my stoma.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, thank God, because it fell out all the time.
21:19
SPEAKER_02: So when you had him, did that stop?
21:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so because that happened, my surgeon and gastrodoc was like, we don't want any damage to happen if you'd had a natural labour, we didn't know whether it would prolapse and it'd be like that forever, like permanent damage.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: So they said, How do you feel about a section?
21:38
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
21:39
SPEAKER_02: So I did feel a bit sad, because not that, but I've not ever been able to experience a natural labour.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: Same here, it is sadness, yeah.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like, when I watch it, I'm like I don't know what that feels like.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: Which some women have like, count yourself lucky, but you know, and it's kind of like you know, I you have in your rights to feel that sadness, definitely.
21:58
SPEAKER_03: Because that was taken away from you, it wasn't a choice.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: No, exactly.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: So they were like, We we want to look after you and your stoma and him.
22:05
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I had a section, but I did have a show.
22:08
SPEAKER_02: So I was meant to have him a week before.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: So you have a show and I would I called the my nurse and she was like, Oh, do you want to come in and we'll just have a look?
22:18
SPEAKER_02: So I would have had him early if I'd kind of w held out for the section a week before, but then I had to get booked in a week early, so I'm two weeks early because they were so worried that I was gonna go into labour because I was showing all the signs.
22:31
SPEAKER_02: I was getting like my braxonics, I had to have my show.
22:34
SPEAKER_02: Like so my surgeon had to like, because she has to be was your surgeon there when you had yours?
22:38
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
22:39
SPEAKER_02: So she had to be there, Mrs.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: Bruce.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: Um she was she was brilliant.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: They thought he was gonna be tiny.
22:45
SPEAKER_02: They thought he was gonna be like, they all had bets on.
22:47
SPEAKER_02: They thought he was gonna be like five pounds, five and a half pounds.
22:50
SPEAKER_02: And um, I remember when they pulled him out, she came to the top of me and she was like, He's huge, he's massive.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my god, is he okay?
23:01
SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, she was like buzzing though.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: She was like, This is my favourite part of the job.
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Like she loved it, loved it.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, it was it was great.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: But after that, they stayed most fine, by the way.
23:14
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, after after this the section, like uh my stomach disappeared as well.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: So I thought when you have a section, your belly just goes.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: So this lady was like, Where have you had your baby?
23:24
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah.
23:24
SPEAKER_02: She was like, Where's your belly?
23:25
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, I had a section.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: She was like, Yeah, me too.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: She was still.
23:29
SPEAKER_02: But I literally just deflated.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: It completely went.
23:32
SPEAKER_03: So it's just so different for every body, isn't it?
23:36
SPEAKER_03: It's But I thought that was normal.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, Why are you asking me why you why are you asking me like that?
23:42
SPEAKER_02: Um But yeah, so with that, like my stoma kind of pretty much So you've had no prolapse since?
23:48
SPEAKER_02: No.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: Excellent.
23:49
SPEAKER_03: How long has it been since you've had one?
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
23:52
SPEAKER_03: Like I felt like it was at weekly at one point for the year.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'd like to touch with like say like about a year or so.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Not much has happened.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: And I I have no rhyme or reason what's caused it.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: Nothing's happened since.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: My routine's not changed.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't think I was.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: It's like the same thing.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: I was weighing on a I was weighing on a stick, but I don't think that helps.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: But no, like it's there's I could completely relate.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing more frightening when you look in your bag and it's your entire gut and you're like, you're like now what?
24:19
SPEAKER_00: And then it and then it's lie down.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: So you've not had a prolapse then or anything like that with your not to that extent.
24:25
SPEAKER_03: No, no.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: So obviously we talked about your your prolapse and then like more day-to-day now.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Like, how are you like managing flare-ups?
24:33
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm gonna segue into flare-ups and parenting, because that must be such a challenge.
24:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, you know, I very rarely get flare-ups.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: That's good.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: Or as such, oh, I don't think they're flare-ups.
24:48
SPEAKER_02: They might be, but say I've had my really tired days, you know, I'm feeling unwell, like, you know, crack on go to work.
24:56
SPEAKER_02: But it it's one of those where I think for me, having S has given me the means to push myself, which isn't always good, like don't like I'm stubborn.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, but like, you know, I've done well in my job.
25:12
SPEAKER_02: It's you know, because of the stone, like that the the second lease of life it's giving me.
25:17
unknown: Yeah.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: Um so but also at the same time, like I'm very open with my work and they're very understanding, and I work really hard.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: And I think when I say I'm struggling and having a bad day, they're like, work from home, it's fine.
25:32
SPEAKER_04: That's really good.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, rest, work from home.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: Should you even be logged on?
25:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yes, I should be logged on.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm fine.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: I can sit down and and work, like I'll be okay.
25:41
SPEAKER_02: But like days where I'm feeling rough and say it's like a weekend and whatnot, like I'm so lucky to have Mike.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: Like he is such a hand this this shouldn't be a thing, but he's such a hands-on dad.
25:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, he does so much for me and Ezra, and always has done so much.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know, we could been out in the morning and come home and I'm tired, I need a little bit of a power nap, a bit of a recharge.
26:09
SPEAKER_02: He's like, Yeah, go sleep, I'll just take Ez out with a football, like have a nap.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, shout-out.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: He's so good.
26:15
SPEAKER_02: He's incredible, and I think I've been extremely lucky in that respect.
26:18
SPEAKER_02: Like when I've been feeling poorly or unwell.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Ez is also very considerate.
26:22
SPEAKER_02: Very considerate.
26:23
SPEAKER_02: Like he he knows when I'm not feeling great.
26:26
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell him, you know, I'm not feeling great, and he just does whatever he can to not be an annoying ten-year-old.
26:36
SPEAKER_03: And have you always been quite transparent about because I suppose in some in some households it might be don't show your your poorly, don't show your tide, don't show whatever, be strong for your children.
26:47
SPEAKER_03: But then you've done it the other way, and it's obviously you've brought up a a young man who's gonna be very sympathetic and yeah, it sounds like it's definitely been the a good choice.
26:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you know, when you know when he was a baby I had the pyoderma gangrenasum, which is PG, and you know, that was tough.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: Like that was really, really tough.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: And like my parents helped, Mike's parents helped, like Mike did as much as he could.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: It's easier now because he's bigger, he understands, like you know, there's certain times where I couldn't pick him up because it hurt so much.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: I was in so much pain, and you know, getting up in the night, like I'd probably just been able to go to sleep because of the pain, so then Mike would be like, It's okay, I'll go and see to him.
27:29
SPEAKER_03: Of course, you have a good one, don't you?
27:31
SPEAKER_02: He is honestly.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: I do not know where I'd be without him.
27:36
SPEAKER_02: Like, he has been incredible through the whole journey, like through like he showed sickness and health before we got married.
27:44
SPEAKER_02: Like, he showed that he could do that for me.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: Well, he stopped a rugby yet.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: He he ran off the rugby.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: That's mega, though.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: Oh no!
27:52
SPEAKER_00: I mean like, what are you doing?
27:53
SPEAKER_00: That would have been.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: When he did that, I was like, okay.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: There's one thing I want to just go back to for some of our listeners who you may not have heard this.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: You said PG.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna try and butcher those.
28:04
SPEAKER_02: What what what is that?
28:06
SPEAKER_02: So it basically I developed it when I was pregnant.
28:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:09
SPEAKER_02: Um it's like a little ulcer that formed next to my stoma.
28:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
28:14
SPEAKER_02: And my nurses didn't know what treatment I could take that was safe.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: So we just kind of managed it as such.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: But essentially, pyoderma gangrinosum is one of the most known painful like ulcers to have.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: And it's like a flesh-eating kind of disease, so it feeds off trauma.
28:34
SPEAKER_02: So because I've got my bag over, because it was next to my stoma, every time I did a bag change, I was just aggravating, aggravating it, aggravating it.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: And it turned into craters, and you know, it got bigger and bigger and bigger, but we couldn't treat it, so it's just just got bigger until I had him, and then I was referred straight away to a dermatologist.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, but we tried everything.
28:56
SPEAKER_02: Usually Crohn's people with Crohn's have it, they said.
28:59
SPEAKER_02: Like they've not really seen anybody with UC that has has had that before.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: Um so I was being tested for Crohn's, I was trying at um biologics.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: I had steroid injections in it, they took samples, like biopsy punches, and like nothing worked.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: Like my dermatologist was like, I hate to say this, but I can't help you.
29:22
SPEAKER_03: Uh huh.
29:23
SPEAKER_03: That is not the thing you want to hear, is it?
29:25
SPEAKER_02: No.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: So four years I had it for.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: So that was really, really tough with as as a baby.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: Like that, you know, it was like mouth watering pain.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: It was so big.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: I leaked all the time, it smelled like it was just, you know, a really, a really kind of like low time of my life when it should have been a really happy time enjoying as as a baby, but it was hard to because I was in so much pain every day.
29:51
SPEAKER_02: Hello.
29:52
SPEAKER_03: What things did you do to help get you through the day as a first-time young mum dealing with that?
29:58
SPEAKER_02: I think it was just as.
30:00
SPEAKER_02: Like, he relies on me.
30:02
SPEAKER_02: He needs me.
30:03
SPEAKER_02: Like, I had to get up.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: I had to just do it.
30:06
SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, Mike got home and that's when I'd go and change my bag.
30:10
SPEAKER_02: What I used to have, do you know the belts you can hook onto your bag?
30:13
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember like you can wrap around?
30:15
SPEAKER_02: I used to put tissue on this side because my bag would never last a day without like the gunk seeping out.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: So I'd put tissue there as like a makeshift, and then I'd wait for Mike to come home, then hand over as, and then I'd go and sort myself out, get a fresh bag, and have a little crayon soiler.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: Um and then Yeah, back to it again.
30:34
SPEAKER_03: Because you Yeah, like when you've got say your bag leaks or if something happens, if you've got a baby there, you can't I I remember like vividly, like it was yesterday, my youngest Wren was on the change of mat.
30:46
SPEAKER_03: He he had his st he also had a stoma, but it's been reversed now.
30:50
SPEAKER_03: Um his bag had leaked.
30:52
SPEAKER_03: So he was on the change of mat crying, mine had leaked, poop just pouring out of me.
30:57
SPEAKER_03: I was poorly, and it was going all over the carpet, and I was at home on my own.
31:01
SPEAKER_03: I was just thinking, I don't know what to do first.
31:04
SPEAKER_03: What and like obviously they're the priority, you have to sort them out first, but oh my gosh, it's just another level when there's another life involved, isn't it?
31:13
SPEAKER_03: And yeah, this was I do think like instinct kicks in.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: No matter how dreadful you feel, how tired you are, that little person's relying on you.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:23
SPEAKER_03: And they're feeding off everything you're projecting, aren't they?
31:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
31:26
SPEAKER_03: I think I I was going, it's okay, it's okay, thinking, no, it's not.
31:31
SPEAKER_03: It's not a like adventure.
31:33
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, someone help me.
31:35
SPEAKER_03: Like it's oh yeah, oh gosh, it's oh wild.
31:41
SPEAKER_03: It's um it's amazing, isn't it, the things that you deal with differently when you're a parent to say, I mean, I'm not saying that parent is a be on end or because there's lots of pressures and struggles that you can experience, but I know if it wasn't for the kids, I wouldn't have dealt with things the way I have if I you know what I mean?
32:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, totally.
32:01
SPEAKER_03: It just hits a different level, doesn't it?
32:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
32:03
SPEAKER_03: Like I said, you've It's way bigger than you.
32:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:06
SPEAKER_02: You're them.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: They need you.
32:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:09
SPEAKER_02: So it's just kind of like you put it to the back of your mind, it's like, I'll deal with that after I've dealt with them.
32:14
SPEAKER_03: Like you know, I think I I sorted him out and then I walked, had to go to my bedroom to get stuff.
32:19
SPEAKER_03: There was a trail, it was all happening.
32:21
SPEAKER_03: I was just trying to pretend like it wasn't happening.
32:24
SPEAKER_03: And yeah, it was yeah, you've just you've just got to, haven't you?
32:28
SPEAKER_00: So one of the like the biggest surgeries that you've had was uh proctectomy.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Um and you said you had that your you had that with Ezra as well.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, talk us talk us through that.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I had it a few years ago.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: Um we talked Ezra through what that entailed, you know, what well what we thought what to expect.
32:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: So we sat him down and said, Look, mommy's gotta have a a big surgery.
32:50
SPEAKER_02: Um she's gonna be quite poorly after it.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: I was having my stoma moved from my left to my right hand side.
32:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: Um to try and help the ulcer heal.
32:58
SPEAKER_02: I I asked my surface work?
32:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: It did eventually.
33:01
SPEAKER_02: Um I asked my surgeon, I said, Look, for four years, I've done everything you've asked.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: I've tried everything you've asked me to try.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: Can you please just do this one thing for me and move it?
33:11
SPEAKER_02: Like move it to the other side.
33:13
SPEAKER_02: So we did agree, but I was meant to be cut down the middle for the protectomy.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: Um so we were explaining to ES like how my stomach would look different.
33:24
SPEAKER_02: Like I'd have like my scar here, I'd have a scar down the middle, I'd have like a new stoma here, and that I'd have no bum.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: Um so that was interesting because he was just kind of like he's he's always been very like, okay.
33:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna ask, how did he take it?
33:40
SPEAKER_02: But it sounds like Yeah, he didn't really ask many questions.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: He was just like, Will you be okay?
33:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's like, well, yeah, I will.
33:47
SPEAKER_02: Like, it should hopefully help me be better.
33:50
SPEAKER_02: I should be a better mum, like not better mum, I was already a good mum, but healthier mum.
33:55
SPEAKER_02: Like someone that, you know, I can come and we can go out for the day and I can we can go and do nice things.
34:02
SPEAKER_02: Um so when I had the surgery, I had it, I can't remember what day it was, it might have been a Wednesday.
34:09
SPEAKER_02: So I had it on, let's say the Wednesday, and then Ezra came to see me on the Thursday.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: Um and I'd had all like my hip like taken out and everything, all of that taken out, and all the tubes taken away.
34:22
SPEAKER_02: So because I said to Mike, like, I didn't want him to see me with all these tubes coming out, and I was like, I didn't want to scare him as much as we prepared him for it.
34:32
SPEAKER_02: Like, I didn't I didn't know that I was gonna have all these tubes everywhere, so yeah, he came and everything was all taken out and I looked normal.
34:41
SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, so that that did go really well.
34:45
SPEAKER_02: He was really sweet, like he just sat next to me and was just like held my hand and was just like, Are you okay?
34:52
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, I'm okay.
34:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, he's just he did deal with it really well, and like I remember because I was meant to stay in for like just over a week, but I went home after three days because I'm stubborn.
35:03
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
35:05
SPEAKER_04: That's a record, isn't it?
35:07
SPEAKER_02: I managed to convince because they were very they had very little staff and I really struggled like to struggle to get paracetamol.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: So it's like I said to my surgeon, like, I completely respect that you know the skeleton staff on the ward, and you know, that they're they're completely stretched, but I have to ask for paracetamol that I don't get for like an hour.
35:24
SPEAKER_02: Like, I can't even get basic pain relief.
35:27
SPEAKER_02: So he was like, Do you want to go home?
35:29
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Yeah.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: And he was like, because I live like 40 minutes away from the hospital.
35:34
SPEAKER_02: So my mum was like, Oh, you're okay.
35:36
SPEAKER_02: And I was like necking the morphine from the ball, and I was like, I'm okay.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: Nicking morphine, I'm great, I'm doing it.
35:44
SPEAKER_02: But I was really, I was hurt, like I remember holding my meds on my lap, and um my mum was like, Are you okay?
35:49
SPEAKER_02: I was like, like, I'm okay.
35:50
SPEAKER_02: Do you want to get like hot sweats because you're okay?
35:53
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm okay.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: And then my mum looked at my bag and I looked at my mum and I looked, not my bag bag, but my medicine, and I went, There's morphine in there.
36:02
SPEAKER_02: I cranked it and drank it, and my mum was like, drink it.
36:05
SPEAKER_02: I was like, okay.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: But no, he was brilliant.
36:09
SPEAKER_02: Like he yeah, and when I got home, so caring, so careful, so gentle.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, how was your recovery at home then?
36:14
SPEAKER_00: And then like getting back to because you said we can get to go out for for days and stuff like that.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: What was that like journey like for you as well?
36:21
SPEAKER_02: So it was long.
36:22
SPEAKER_02: Like my back end never healed.
36:26
SPEAKER_02: So I had surgery recently.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh I had plastic surgery, um, lotus petal flap reconstruction.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: Um What is that?
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Um I've never heard of that.
36:37
SPEAKER_02: October time?
36:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm so lost with my dates and times.
36:40
SPEAKER_02: October and November time last year.
36:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
36:43
SPEAKER_02: Um and so basically, because my back end hadn't healed, um, what they did was there was different things they could do.
36:51
SPEAKER_02: They could take one of my muscles from the inside of my legs, which was quite an extensive one.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: I'd have to have like rehab and everything.
36:57
SPEAKER_02: They can take a chunk out of my bum cheek.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:00
SPEAKER_02: Which again, my surgeon was like very invasive, like it's very noticeable if I was to go like on the beach and that.
37:06
SPEAKER_02: So then he spoke to his plastic surgeon friend and was like, what can we do?
37:10
SPEAKER_02: So she was like, Oh, okay.
37:12
SPEAKER_02: So female bits have like petal, like muscle-shaped petals all the way around.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: So basically they're very full of blood cells, they're very healthy like muscles.
37:24
SPEAKER_02: So they cut a petal shape out from next to it, and it kind of went onto like my bum cheek.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: And what they did is they took the flap, not the actual flap.
37:36
SPEAKER_05: Okay, yeah, okay.
37:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
37:41
SPEAKER_02: Keep going, keep going and the they took the muscle and they kind of like fold it back around and put it into the open wound in the bum.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then she was like, I am so sure it will work.
37:55
SPEAKER_02: If it doesn't work, it'll be some freak reason why it won't work.
37:59
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
38:00
SPEAKER_02: So I then had that.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: And it healed after like, I want to say like six weeks, and it's great.
38:07
SPEAKER_02: But like, no problems, it healed so well.
38:11
SPEAKER_02: But it was just like a really awkward place for a while.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: And shout out to Mike again with his little salt water cleans and making sure everything was okay.
38:19
SPEAKER_02: And what a guy.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: I know, honestly, he's great.
38:22
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that was so I had that, and Ez again was really, really great with that.
38:28
SPEAKER_02: Um but no, I remember the first time I took Ez out solo after the surgery, um, and we went to the ice cream farm.
38:37
SPEAKER_02: And I remember just being like, Yeah, we have an ice cream farm near us.
38:42
SPEAKER_02: And I just remember thinking like, this is so amazing that I've been able to me and him come out for the day, just us two, and have ice cream and enjoy Yeah, and enjoy each other's time.
38:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, as much as it's amazing to go out as a family, like I never had that one-on-one time with Az.
38:59
SPEAKER_02: Ez didn't have that bond with me, like he had the we always joke about it, like Mike's seems like stereotypically the the mum of the family, and I'm stereotypically like the dad, even though it shouldn't really be a thing, but it is so he was very he still is very connected with Mike because Mike was so hands-on when since he was a baby, but it's been so nice that since that surgery, it's like I have been able to build that bond with him and like do all these great things with him and be fun rather than because I felt like I just wasn't fun.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: And it's like you're getting that quality of of life back, not like just the physical side, but like like with your with your children.
39:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think that's why I said at the start, like I'm at peace with it now.
39:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've I've been through multiple different things, you know, I've been at my lowest, and now I'm I th I'm building myself back up again and I'm enjoying life, I'm enjoying spending time with us, I'm enjoying being able to like go to work and whatnot.
40:00
SPEAKER_02: And that's all because of like those steps of you know, the surgeries that I've had, you know, the just support that I've had around me.
40:10
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, it's been great.
40:13
SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
40:13
SPEAKER_03: We asked our followers to give us some questions that they might like to hear from you, and the main topic that was brought up was fertility, which is it can be trigger warning, a very, you know, emotive topic for a lot of people that are experiencing difficulty that are in our community.
40:30
SPEAKER_03: Now, for you, you've got your own story with fertility that wasn't plain talent at all, was it?
40:35
SPEAKER_02: Can you share that with us?
40:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so when I first had the surgery back when I was 20, um obviously one of the questions was will it affect my fertility?
40:45
SPEAKER_02: You know, so young and did you ask or were you told?
40:48
SPEAKER_02: I asked I asked, because I was like, what what does this mean for me?
40:52
SPEAKER_02: Like will I be able to have kids?
40:54
SPEAKER_02: And quite sadly at the time they were like, We don't know.
40:58
SPEAKER_02: We don't know what damage this will cause you internally with the scar tissue and things.
41:03
SPEAKER_02: Like it's uh it's it's likely that, you know, you might not be able to.
41:08
SPEAKER_02: And they did apologize, saying that they're sorry, they couldn't go yes or no.
41:12
SPEAKER_02: Um so they said, what we do suggest is when you've had the surgery and obviously you're healed and everything, that maybe you start trying to have a baby because you know, you've got a limited amount of time between making the decision of whether to have your stoma reversed or made permanent.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: And at that time, I they were like it was like six years before I needed to do it.
41:33
SPEAKER_02: I went longer, but it was just so random the time period between because I know so many people that have not had it made permanent and uh managing okay, they just get regular checks.
41:43
SPEAKER_02: Like it's odd.
41:44
SPEAKER_02: So like bearing in mind being with Mike two years now, we're still very young.
41:50
SPEAKER_02: So we must I don't think we were careful for about four years, and like I just thought, it's not gonna happen.
41:58
SPEAKER_02: It's not gonna happen.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: And we managed to save up and move into a flat um and like genuinely.
42:07
SPEAKER_02: Do you know when people say, Oh, you get pregnant when these things happen?
42:10
SPEAKER_02: Two months of being in the flat and I fell pregnant, but it was like four years to get to that point.
42:17
SPEAKER_02: Um and we did the test and I was like, oh, it's negative, put it on the side.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh God, another negative test, because it was like it's it's draining.
42:26
SPEAKER_02: Like you want this thing so badly, which it probably doesn't help, but I'm so worried that I was getting to the end of that kind of like time period.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: I was like gonna I was like, oh my god, we're not gonna do it.
42:36
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna run out of time, it's not gonna happen.
42:39
SPEAKER_02: Um and then Mike picked it up to put it in the bin, and he was like, Beck, there's another line on that.
42:43
SPEAKER_02: I was like, No, there's not.
42:44
SPEAKER_02: Stop it.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: That's so tight of you.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: Mike again.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh Mike.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: And it was a faint, like the faintness line.
42:56
SPEAKER_02: So we bought because that was a cheapo test, because so we bought like a proper one, and yeah, it was like two to three weeks pregnant.
43:03
SPEAKER_02: So we was just like, oh my god.
43:04
SPEAKER_02: And then I was panicking then because it was like we were near was it it must have been it must have been like five years.
43:10
SPEAKER_02: We were near the time expiration period, and I was panicking then.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: So I was like, well, what if I go like I'm in this expiration period and I'm pregnant, what's gonna happen?
43:19
SPEAKER_02: So um, but it no, it was great, like it just took a long, long time, and I don't like we don't know why it took a long time.
43:26
SPEAKER_02: It could be scar tissue, it could just be you know, might not have anything to do with my stoma.
43:32
SPEAKER_02: But since having S, we have tried multiple times for another one.
43:37
SPEAKER_02: Um Micah said to me, like, do you want to go to the doctors?
43:42
SPEAKER_02: Because it's been years and we tried, like, really tried.
43:47
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, No, I don't want to go to the doctors.
43:51
SPEAKER_02: I don't think I could deal with that as well as everything else.
43:57
SPEAKER_02: Um, because he's he was like, I'm ha I'm happy we've got Ez and I'm like I'm happy we have Ez like he's our little like miracle baby we call him like you know we we don't even know if he should be here we don't even know if like I can conceive or can't conceive like because we've tried since and we've not been lucky enough to have another so it's like no I don't want someone to sit me down and tell me that I can't have kids.
44:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah I don't want them to say oh you need IVF because I have Ez and he's he's perfect.
44:32
SPEAKER_02: So it's like well I'd go through all that yeah versus something that we already have.
44:39
SPEAKER_02: So yeah I do get my down days because I'm like oh I'd love to have another and for me because I had such a hard start with Ez when he was a baby I didn't get to enjoy him.
44:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah yeah and that was a really big thing for me I wanted to enjoy having a baby with this healthier body this better body being in less pain but I just time kept going on like time goes so fast and before we know it he's 10.
45:07
SPEAKER_03: I'm 35 and it's like God do we want to do it all over again now and I suppose you don't know what's going to happen do you you never know of these things and that that what you do want isn't necessarily going to be what you get exactly but it's like we're not broken.
45:25
SPEAKER_02: We don't need fixing we don't need another kid like it I'd look I would have loved to have another but yeah probably some people like how would you how can you not know?
45:35
SPEAKER_00: How can you not but it's your personal choice yeah and it's your just not I I don't maybe it's what I've been through just having someone else tell me another thing oh you can't have kids I'm just like yeah I think like as well you've gone through such a journey to get to this point and you're now enjoying that time do you know what I mean?
45:58
SPEAKER_02: So yeah 100% so I just have loads of pets now.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: What pets then what pets we got?
46:03
SPEAKER_02: So I say loads.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: So I've got my dog got Luna I've got my cat Nova another cat Phoebe and I did have my little rabbit hoppy but he passed away.
46:12
SPEAKER_02: Oh so try I know bless him.
46:15
SPEAKER_02: So I'm just trying to fill that void again now and I'm being told no and I'm like why?
46:22
SPEAKER_00: But yeah I'm very like pets pets pets love pets so like one thing we ask all of our wonderful guests to bring on is a photo of themselves.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: And I believe you've got one here.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: So if you wouldn't mind just telling us a little bit about it and and describing it for us.
46:38
SPEAKER_02: This basically is me my cadenas on our wedding day.
46:46
SPEAKER_02: And basically for me I never ever thought I'd ever get to this point ever in my entire life when I was poorly like I didn't think that someone would love me after I had my bag.
46:59
SPEAKER_02: I didn't think I'd be able to have kids I didn't think that I'd be well before I had my bag like but I didn't know what my life was going to look like before it happened.
47:10
SPEAKER_02: And this was just not what I thought it would be.
47:14
SPEAKER_02: And for me the fact that I have a beautiful baby boy handsome husband and I'm at this point in life where I'm happy and I just never ever thought that this would ever happen.
47:28
SPEAKER_02: So that's why this is it's a beautiful photo meaningful photo for me.
47:33
SPEAKER_00: And it looked like you had a fantastic wedding day the weather looks good in it as well.
47:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah so it was raining all week and it was forecasted rain but that like halfway through the day before it switched to full sun and it was a glorious day.
47:46
SPEAKER_03: So yeah fabulous well the thing we're gonna end on is gonna be what advice you would give to people adjusting to life with a stoma and you've shared how you have gone from the bottom up and you're finally at that place that you never thought you'd be but for people that are in the pits right now what would you say to them?
48:08
SPEAKER_02: I would say be kind to yourself.
48:11
SPEAKER_02: The pits aren't always the bad place to be it might feel like the worst place ever but the fact that you're you're currently there you're living you'll find your way out with them like you will find your way out it's just take each day as it comes and just be kind to yourself like you don't have to keep up with the rest of the world you know this this is your life your pace you do what's right for you whatever you need to do for you don't compare just take each day as it comes if that means stay in bed all day stay in bed all day like yeah that's really good advice I think everyone should should just generally take that in general as well just be kind to yourself.
48:49
SPEAKER_03: Definitely thank you so much for coming to see us thank you for being on and we genuinely thought like you know I know I hadn't met you and you hadn't met Beck and we had chatted but yeah it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for having me thank you so much for coming thank you