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How Lifting Rebuilt Her Confidence After Trauma with Rachel Druckenmiller · Loud & Lifted

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Welcome to Allowed and Lifted. Today's conversation
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is one of those episodes where the name of the
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podcast feels almost too perfect. My guest is
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Rachel Drunkenmire and she's known for helping
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people get unmuted to stop holding back, use
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their voice and show up more fully in their lives,
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work and leadership. But today, we're taking
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a different path into that conversation. Six
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years ago, Rachel was hit by a Chevy Silverado
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while out on for a run and suffered a spinal
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fracture. And while she was physically recovering,
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she was also navigating something much deeper,
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fear, pain, isolation, and the loss of trust
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in her body. What I loved about this conversation
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is that Rachel doesn't package resilience as
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this neat, shiny thing. Her rebuilding was slow.
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It was emotional. It took support. consistency,
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and eventually it took lifting. For Rachel, working
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out became more than movement. It became a way
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to rebuild confidence, repair the mind -body
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connection, and prove to herself that she was
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strong, capable, and powerful. So let's get into
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it. Welcome to Loud and Lifted. Rachel, thank
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you so much for being here. Thanks for having
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me. This Loud and Lifted, I feel like we're going
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to give people a new perspective on those two
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words by the time we're done today. I know. I
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mean, this couldn't be a better match to talk
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about getting loud and lifted. And of course,
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the irony is you're known for getting people
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unmuted, which is such a great word. But today,
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we're going to take a little bit of a different
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angle in the past for this conversation because
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it's going to be personal. It's about you and
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how you really had a life -changing experience
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six years ago that changed how you approach life
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and I'm sure how you continue to get unmuted.
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So why don't we start there? Why don't you take
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us back to six years ago and end your story?
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So it's May 3rd of 2020 and everyone can remember
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some version of what their life was like in that
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mode, right? We're washing our groceries from
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the outside of the bags and Lysoling avocados
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and I'm working remotely and I'm trying to remember
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the last time I wore pants with buttons. That
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moment. My husband was teaching elementary school
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phys ed from our basement on Zoom. And I was
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about eight or nine months after having left
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my corporate job and 85 % of my business, which
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was at the time only speaking in person at events
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had been totally decimated. And I was having
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to reinvent myself. So that's like the context
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of what was happening. And so naturally my husband
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and I needed some stress relief. And so we thought,
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let's go for a run. We're about a half mile from
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our house and we're heading up a hill. We're
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in conversation with each other talking. And
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as we approached the intersection, there was
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a white Chevy Silverado pickup truck stopped
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in the right turn lane. And the light was red
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and the cross signal was white. And my husband
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goes across and I'm a few steps behind him. And
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then as I'm getting ready to cross in front of
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the truck, I'm in the center of it and I sense
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in my periphery that it's starting to move. And
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if anyone is a runner or you've been out in a
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situation like that, you usually turn around,
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you kind of get the driver's attention, they
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stop. They realize what they're doing. So I turned
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my body to face the truck and I put my hands
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on the hood. And like Superman, I'm going to
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stop the truck. And I'm five foot four inches,
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highly unlikely. And he doesn't see me. And so
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I come up off the ground, probably two to three
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feet. And I am glued to the grill of this truck.
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And he drives into the intersection with me,
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hanging off his car. I don't have a conscious
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memory of that, but that's the only thing that
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could have happened because I wasn't dragged.
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So I had to be lifted. Speaking of loud and lifted
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in a way that no one wants to be. That was not
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intentional, but here we are. And he realizes
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eventually in the center of the intersection
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that there's a person on his truck. And so he
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slams on the brakes, and I flew off. And I landed
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really hard on my feet, and I stumbled backwards.
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The momentum, I was at the crest of a hill, and
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so I stumbled backwards. And as I hit the ground,
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I've It happened in slow motion. The first thing
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I remember was being sideways, falling to the
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ground in slow motion. That's the first memory
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I have after starting to cross the street. And
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I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me.
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I couldn't breathe. And I look up, and I lift
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my head, and I look up, and I see my husband
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standing frozen on the other side of the intersection.
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He saw the whole thing happen. And he runs over.
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I start screaming. And he runs over to me and
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takes me to the sidewalk. Strangers in masks
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appear. Someone holds my hand. The ambulance
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shows up, they put me in a neck brace and in
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a board, take me into the ambulance. My husband
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can't come with me because of COVID protocols.
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So I go to the hospital by myself and I'm being
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transferred like a piece of meat. It's so weird
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when you get there and they're in this trauma
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room and there's all these blinking lights and
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beeping noises and people coming in and out.
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And it's very chaotic. And they do all these
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tests. And after a couple of hours, the radiologist
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comes in and says, so there's a spinal fracture.
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And I just. I just started sobbing. And I think
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it was the first time he'd seen a person cry
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based on his reaction. And he said, do you want
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me to call your husband? And walked out of the
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room and left me alone. Oh my gosh. And I don't
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think I've ever felt so alone in my life as I
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did in that moment. And it's like terrified.
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Like terrified. I was 35 years old, obviously
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active. And now I have a spinal fracture. And
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I just didn't know. what was going to follow.
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But the weeks and months and years that followed
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that were the hardest of my life. And yet I believe
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that I would not be where I am now doing what
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I'm doing now the way that I'm doing it with
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the perspective I have if that hadn't happened.
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Oh my gosh. It's so wild and it's so crazy that
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I just can as you talk about this moment of being
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alone and then knowing like not knowing what
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your future is right like how does that impact
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walking just everyday life and what were their
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sort of like expectations of you in the beginning
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what were they saying like oh we can get you
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to do this like what was sort of the goal as
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you were recovering well i mean the initial goal
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was when you had what's called a compression
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fracture so it's essentially like imagine your
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of one of your vertebrae is like a tin can it
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got scrunched oh Yeah, really nice visual. But
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that's what happened, which was actually a gift
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because I didn't need back surgery. So if it
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had been a compound fracture or something had
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happened to the discs, it could have been worse.
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So kind of objectively speaking, I had what the
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neurosurgery PA said is the best kind of fracture.
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I didn't know there was a best kind, but I'm
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glad to have it. Really, it was just a matter
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of gradually increasing mobility. With an injury
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like that, the goal is Like, let's get you to
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a place of sort of baseline mobility and managing
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the pain. For most people, that's the expectation
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of recovering from a spinal fracture. And for
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the first year or so, at least two and a half,
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three and a half years after the accident, that's
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really all I focused on doing. But when you go
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through something like that, you are so scared
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to move your body because you're afraid you're
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going to hurt it again. And so what it did is
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that in the wake of that, I mean, I had muscle
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spasms that would wake me up at three o 'clock
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in the morning and then I'd have to go on Zoom
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and give a presentation to hundreds of people
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about building hope and resilience in the midst
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of uncertainty and a back brace. Because I had
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no choice. I was a primary earner. I had to figure
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out how to make all this work. I did not take
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a day off. I just kept going. I was presenting
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48 hours after getting hit by a truck. It was,
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it was a really difficult season, but that was
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essentially the prognosis is like, let's get
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you back to baseline and let's manage the pain.
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So when you're going through this, what are people
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not seeing from the outside, right? Like you're
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putting on your smile, you're getting on zoom,
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like what was, what was actually happening and
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you know, how are you getting through that? Well,
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the hardest part is if everyone, if you think
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about how isolated you were during the pandemic.
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Okay. So now you're isolated and you are immobile.
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Like, the one thing most people had during the
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pandemic was their mobility. Right. And that
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was something that was taken away from me. And
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that was one of the hardest parts, is because
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people didn't get to see the day -to -day. Visiting
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people was, you know, potentially dangerous.
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So people would drop off meals. Some people would
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stop by, drop off a gift. You know, everyone's
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in masks coming by. I mean, it was just a very
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odd time. And I think that made it even harder
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because my husband and I were now super isolated
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too. So he has to do everything. He's taking
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me to doctor's appointments at least twice a
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week. I was in physical therapy for almost a
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year. I couldn't drive for four months, no bending,
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lifting, or twisting. And so nobody saw any of
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that or me getting up at three o 'clock in the
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morning with a muscle spasm, me sleeping. I slept
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in an electric recliner in my living room for
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three months. I couldn't even sleep with my husband.
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And so he felt isolated too. I mean, there was
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all that that was happening, having to manage
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the fact that I was resurrecting a business that
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had barely gotten off the ground and had to show
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up with energy I did not have at a time when
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everybody else metaphorically felt like they
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got hit by a truck. And I had to be strong when
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I did not feel strong for other people. But I
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do believe it helped me be stronger for myself
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because I got to practice the very thing I was
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teaching. as I was going through my own experience
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of having to build resilience inside of myself.
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And the irony is that's what you're saying. They're
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talking to people. So I can't imagine what's
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going through your head when you're talking about
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resilience and getting through. And of course,
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the world is in the craziest place that it's
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ever been. And you're still just trying to show
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up. So when did you hit this point that something
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needed to change? And you thought, obviously,
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you're being resilient. You're showing up every
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day, which is half the battle. What changed in
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you that you're like, I need to double down and
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I need to do something different? Well, I mean,
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part of it was a shift of kind of energetically
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first is that I realized I needed an outlet in
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the wake of the accident to do something, to
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express something in me because I couldn't express
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myself with movement. I wasn't free in my movement.
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So I had to find some other way to feel free.
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And for me, singing was always a way that I did
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that growing up. And so I started taking virtual
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voice lessons. And then after a couple of years
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of doing that, work with a producer, do a thing
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I didn't know that I could do and write and record
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and release my first song. And that came out
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January 23. So I started to, I think, build some
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internal momentum. An internal shift started
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to happen when I started making music. I released
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three songs that year. And about summer of 2023,
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so three and a half, just over three years after
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the accident, I had this sense that I was feeling
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frustrated with how stuck I felt in my body.
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I felt weak. I felt scared. I didn't feel sure
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of myself. And the thing I've learned is that
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when you don't feel confident in one area of
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your life, when you feel weak and kind of powerless
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in one area of your life, it can kind of ripple
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out into other areas. And I didn't want to feel
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that way. So I'm on Instagram one day, and I
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see a post of a friend of mine with her personal
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trainer. And I reach out to this person, get
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connected to the trainer. I tell her my situation.
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I say, I haven't lifted weights in years. I'm
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scared to move anything. because I'm going to
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hurt myself again. I don't have confidence in
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my body right now. It wasn't even like I had
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gained some weight. It wasn't even like a weight
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loss thing. It was just like, I'm tired of feeling
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weak. And so I got together with her for our
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first session. And I mean, I'm doing tricep kickbacks
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with five pounds, maybe three at first. And my
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arm is shaking. I'm doing deadlifts with 10 pound
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weights in each hand. And I'm like nervous about
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coming up. I mean, there were moments where I
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cried in the sessions that I had because I was
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just, it was such a big ask of my body to be
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able to do these things, you know? And so it
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was really scary, but her motto, her name's Alison
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Siegel, my trainer, and her motto is, yes, you
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can. Yes, you can. And so I'd have a moment and
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be like, I don't know. And she, I felt like she
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served as this container for me where I trusted
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her. And so sometimes I talk about borrowing
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other people's belief in us. And I felt like
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because I trusted her and her skill set and her
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training and her knowledge of how to support
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me, I started to kind of borrow her belief in
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me. And she said, yes, I know you think you can't
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do this. I'm not going to ask you to do something
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that's going to be unsafe. And I know that you
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can do this. And over time, I saw her twice a
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week. And then I started getting into a routine.
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We switched over a bedroom in our house, converted
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into a home gym, bought weights. Like I knew
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I had to change my life if I was going to commit
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to doing this. And that was the beginning of
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how it started to shift. So in the beginning,
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did you ever have that self doubt creep back
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in and you had this like very real reason to
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be scared or say, I can't do this or I shouldn't
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push myself. So did that happen, especially in
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the early days of like, Oh, maybe I shouldn't
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do this. Maybe this is too much. And how'd you
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get through that? Yeah. I mean, a lot of it was
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I shouldn't push myself, but if I didn't have
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her, I wouldn't be where I am. So again, having
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her as, I find that as we kind of borrow that
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belief from others, there's a strength that builds
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inside of ourselves. And I think to myself, if
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she thinks I can do this, if she's saying it's
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safe for me to do this, it's safe for me to do
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this. So that was kind of the beginning of the
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mental shift of sometimes we need to listen to
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somebody else who has expertise that we don't
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and has a perspective that we don't and has experience
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that we don't because she's helped other people
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through injuries. she often works with people
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postpartum. So they're really not trusting their
13:43
bodies. They really feel like something has taken
13:46
over their bodies. And that as her area of expertise
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is working in that space. And so for me, coming
13:51
in, you know, she was relatively new to doing
13:56
this as her full -time job. She had been a dental
13:58
hygienist. And so she's told me in the years
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since we've been working together almost three
14:02
years now, she's told me, she's like, you helped
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me the way you responded to me gave gave me confidence.
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Oh my gosh. I didn't know at the time. So it's
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like mutual exchange that was happening when,
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when we see ourselves supporting another, we
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see that person rising. That gives us confidence
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that we know what we're doing, which then helps
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us to help that person more going forward. And
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you know what I love about that also is that
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you both admitted that to each other because
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so many times that happens and we don't acknowledge
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that. So that person doesn't even know that they
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had this impact. So you both sharing that. probably
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just helped to even elevate that even more about
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like, okay, well, you helped me. You helped me
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to like, it's just that it's that connection
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and that mutual relationship that we have to
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be intentional about talking about and giving
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people the credit, essentially, I think it just
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helps to grow that even more. So how did lifting
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essentially repair my body connection for you?
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Like, right, you're thinking about things that
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you weren't going to do. to lose weight, you're
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doing obviously to get strong and you were in
15:04
a very unique situation. But how does that tie
15:07
into or how did it tie into for you like that
15:09
mind, body, confidence and how did that all come
15:13
together? Well, I'd say that one of the first
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catalysts for even realizing that I was feeling
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powerless, which was the first kind of thing
15:20
that got me to think about, okay, I want to change
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stuff here is when I was in, I've seen a therapist,
15:25
a somatic therapist about six months after the
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accident and I was in somatic therapists. focus
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on restoring the mind body connection. So I had
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the support of this person who understood that
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trauma gets trapped in the body. And she was
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the first person who was helping me with the
15:40
post -traumatic stress that I had from the accident.
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I had PTSD hyper reactive and my, my alert and
15:47
alarm system was just like blaring. If I was
15:50
walking on the sidewalk and you know, sometimes
15:51
a sidewalk drops, like it's uneven, maybe two
15:54
inches. If I would walk on a sidewalk and it
15:58
would drop like that, I would have to stop. My
16:00
body would get so activated because what it did
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is it reignited the same thing that happened
16:05
in the accident when I landed unevenly. And so
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I had to tell my brain like, this is not that.
16:11
And I would have to stop in the middle of the
16:12
walk with my husband, sometimes cry, and gather
16:16
myself. I mean, that's how fragile I felt in
16:20
the months. And even within the first 18 months
16:23
after the accident, I would be hyper reactive
16:25
when something like that would happen. So imagine
16:28
going from that to like, no, you're lifting heavy
16:30
weights. That's ridiculous. So I see this therapist.
16:33
I'm sitting lay on her massage table. And she's
16:37
pressing along the outside of my leg from the
16:38
outside of my hip to my knee. And she's asking
16:41
me, she's saying, what are you noticing in your
16:43
body? because often we disconnect, most of us,
16:46
whether we've been through physical trauma or
16:47
not, most of us disconnect our mind from our
16:49
body. And I said, I feel like my body's resisting
16:52
you. And she said, oh, like, you want to push
16:55
me away? I don't know. I just, I just feel like
16:58
tension in my chest as you're pressing on my
17:00
leg. And she says, all right, I want you to sit
17:02
up and push me. So she's probably in her mid
17:03
sixties. So she stands on the side of the table
17:06
in a sparring position and she says, sit up and
17:09
push me away. So I sit up, I like nudge her and
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she goes, no, no, no, push me to make enough
17:13
to make me move. So bizarre, first visit. I pushed
17:17
her, I pushed her like four times. And then I,
17:20
after a few times of doing that, I just feel
17:23
this surge of emotion in my body and I lay back
17:26
down and I like, I bring my hands to my face
17:29
and I start full body sobbing. Like my body is
17:32
shaking, hyperventilating, sobbing for like two
17:35
to three minutes. And she just let me do it.
17:38
It came out of nowhere. And she goes, what are
17:40
you noticing? And I said, I wanted to push the
17:43
truck away and I couldn't. And so that feeling
17:48
of powerlessness had been trapped in my body.
17:51
And that's what trauma does, right? Trauma breaks
17:54
the mind -body connection. It gets you to disconnect
17:57
because it's almost in self -preservation, self
17:59
-protection mode. And so when you start lifting
18:02
weights, what that does is it restores a sense
18:05
of stability, of strength, of capability, of
18:10
empowerment, because your body is doing something
18:12
challenging. You are lifting a heavy thing. And
18:16
when you're doing it in a way where you feel
18:18
safe and protected, which is for me, the container
18:20
that my trainer provided, you start to restore
18:24
that this two things start to reconnect again,
18:26
the mind body connection, because you're focused
18:29
on your breath. You're focused on the intentional
18:32
movement. You're focused on that present moment.
18:35
When you are lifting, you cannot be distracted
18:37
or you'll hurt yourself. And so gradually over
18:40
time it started to rebuild and restore that mind
18:42
body connection. and actually started to reduce
18:46
the reactivity that I had emotionally because
18:49
I'm in the spot where my body, the new truth,
18:51
the new reality is my body is capable. My body
18:54
is strong. My body can lift heavy things. My
18:56
body can do hard things and I am my body. So
18:59
I can do hard things. I am strong. I am capable.
19:03
I am powerful. And that was really what started
19:06
to shift things for me. And you know, you have
19:10
this obviously very tragic, unfortunate situation
19:13
that happened that then you had the opportunity
19:16
to grow and evolve that way. But this can be
19:19
the case for people in a lot less of a severe
19:22
situation, whether it's just having that low
19:25
confidence or needing to build up themselves.
19:28
This works too, right? It's not just the extreme
19:31
of having this physical issue that you had to
19:34
overcome, but this is for anybody. Yeah, you
19:37
don't have to wait till you get hit by a truck
19:38
to start lifting weights. I mean, please don't.
19:40
Please don't let that be the catalyst. I mean,
19:44
ironically, you and I have this horrible thing
19:46
in common. I, too, was hit by a car in my 20s.
19:50
Thankfully, I did not have any spinal injuries.
19:52
I didn't see it coming, so it was very bruised.
19:55
But I think about the things that you take for
19:58
granted, too, right, in that situation. I remember
20:00
that I was in my early 20s at the time, and I
20:02
remember being like, holy cow, I still can… go
20:05
for a run, I can go to the gym, I can do whatever
20:07
it is. And you have this new appreciation for
20:10
things that you take for granted, which I think
20:12
also tie all this back together where it just
20:15
changes your outlook. And you don't want people
20:17
to have these tragic situations happen to them
20:20
to change your outlook. It can be small things
20:23
that you're like, you know what, I want to be
20:24
better. I want to build my confidence. I want
20:26
to do things differently. I want to have that.
20:28
optimistic outlook and be resilient. And again,
20:31
to your point, you don't have to wait to be,
20:33
do not recommend being hit by a car to get to
20:36
that point. But you know, this has elevated you
20:39
into this whole other level. And so how did this
20:42
impact you outside the gym, right? Like obviously
20:44
you're showing up to the gym, you're more confident,
20:46
you're lifting heavier weights every month or
20:49
whatever it is. But how did you start to see
20:51
this play out then in the rest of your life?
20:54
So interestingly, you know, people want a quick
20:56
fix to things. And I think if I just start doing
20:58
this thing in two months, I'm going to be beach
21:00
body ready. It took me a good year. I sort of
21:04
was just trying to build the trust within myself
21:07
to be able to, to trust my trainer and to then
21:10
gradually start to trust myself to start lifting
21:13
heavy things. The first year was just sort of
21:15
almost like getting a little bit more to baseline,
21:18
to be honest with you. I didn't notice the most
21:20
significant shifts in my body physically. until
21:23
two years in of doing this consistently, of moving,
21:27
yoga, lifting, walking, spinning, one of those
21:31
every day, one of those every day, because when
21:33
you lose the ability to move, you realize that
21:36
it is a gift to be able to move your body. It
21:38
is not like, oh, it's such a chore. Like what
21:41
I would have done when I was in a back brace
21:43
to be able to go for a walk. Right. And for someone
21:47
listening right now, that like, if you are able
21:49
bodied, the message for me is like, do what you
21:51
can with what you have. Like, maybe you do have
21:53
some limitation. Maybe you do have something
21:55
that doesn't allow you to move as freely as you
21:57
would like to. Well, what can you do? Like, what
22:00
can you do with what you have? And so what started
22:02
to happen for me is, as I started to notice my
22:05
body changing, my goal was never to lose weight.
22:07
I lost weight. I mean, I think I've lost, at
22:09
this point, 16 or 17 pounds and just about as
22:12
many inches on my body, like five inches on my
22:14
hips. I've always been hippie. I'm a pear, you
22:16
know? I don't even know why that was possible.
22:20
I'm almost 42 years old. I'm in the best shape
22:22
of my life that I've ever been in. And it's taken
22:24
an insane amount of hard work, dedication, discipline,
22:27
commitment, consistency, incremental increases
22:30
over time. What it has done for me is it changes
22:33
the way I carry myself. When your core is strong,
22:35
and your back's strong, your glutes are strong,
22:38
you walk into a room differently. The energy
22:43
that you bring into a space shifts. I had someone
22:45
say to me, I interviewed her before a keynote.
22:48
I do that with people. I interview them before
22:49
keynotes, get their stories. I met this woman
22:51
at a reception the night before the conference,
22:53
a month after interviewing her. And she goes,
22:55
oh, I thought you'd be more like Taylor Swift.
22:57
And I was like, what do you mean by that? She
23:00
goes, because you have main character energy.
23:02
I just thought you'd be taller because of the
23:06
energy. I was like, I've never heard someone
23:07
say that. But I'm definitely shorter than Taylor
23:10
Swift and different in a lot of other ways. But
23:14
in her experience, like this feeling of being
23:16
a bit larger than life, like what it does when
23:18
you feel confident in your body, in your physicality,
23:22
it affects how you show up and how you interact
23:25
and what you think you're worthy of. I mean,
23:27
it changes how you dress. It changes so much.
23:30
And then all of that has a ripple effect because
23:33
then when you're walking into a room, like you
23:35
deserve to be there and you're wearing something
23:38
that makes you feel fantastic. And someone tells
23:41
you, that you have Michelle Obama arms, which
23:43
is very... It's not about even taking it in and
23:48
being like, I'm so great. It's just about like,
23:50
gosh, I know how hard I've worked to get to this
23:54
spot. And I'm going to walk into this room like
23:56
I deserve to be in there. And like, I have something
23:59
to offer and that my presence matters. And when
24:03
you do that, it has a positive contagion and
24:06
effects. Like other people, they react, they
24:09
respond to that energy. in a different way than
24:12
if you walk into a room apologetically. And so
24:17
I've drawn, I've like magnetized different people
24:19
and opportunities to myself over the past particularly
24:22
year or so as a result of having experienced
24:26
this shift in my body physically, because what
24:28
I've learned, and we talk about confidence a
24:30
lot. I learned something recently on a podcast
24:33
that the root of the word confidence is confidere
24:35
and confidere in Latin means to trust fully.
24:40
So to have self confidence is to trust yourself
24:44
fully. I never knew that. That's so obvious.
24:48
And when you trust yourself fully, I mean, you
24:52
become unstoppable when you trust and you're
24:53
not second guessing and apologizing and shrinking
24:56
or when you're not doing that, when you're, when
25:00
you're showing up unapologetically and boldly
25:02
and powerfully. I mean, like watch out world.
25:05
And that's how I feel about where I am in my
25:08
life right now. And it feels really, really good.
25:11
That's so good. I love that and you know, sometimes
25:14
I think people get hung up on like the vanity
25:16
piece of an appearance or Working out or caring
25:19
about, you know, getting your hair done. Whatever
25:21
it is that It's about making you feel good. It
25:24
has nothing to do with the vanity piece. But
25:26
when you feel good, you're going to show up.
25:29
You're going to have that main character. I love
25:31
that. That main character energy. And that's
25:34
the part that we have to focus on. Like, what
25:35
are those things that make you feel good that
25:37
are going to make you feel confident that you
25:39
walk into the room with that power? And to your
25:42
point, like, I sit here, I'm like, I need to
25:44
sit up straight. What am I doing? Just a bad
25:48
part about sitting on my little podcast couch.
25:51
But yeah, that's all part of it and that's all
25:53
so important. So the irony that your work was
25:57
about getting unmuted and the resilience, how
25:59
did that change then how you communicate and
26:02
how you show up and what you're sharing with
26:03
people? I mean, the story is one piece of that,
26:06
right? But you've literally changed how you show
26:09
up and who you are. So how does that show up
26:11
in your work and how does that even change what
26:14
unmuted means to you? I would say, for me, a
26:19
lot of it is I've started to think bigger about
26:23
my life in general. And when you build confidence
26:28
in one area of your life, it tends to ripple
26:31
into others. And so I feel stronger in this area.
26:34
So now when an opportunity comes along over here
26:36
that previously I would have doubted myself or
26:38
held back or not trusted myself, I walk into
26:42
that opportunity like, well, actually, why not?
26:46
Maybe I could do that. Maybe that is possible.
26:49
And so I started to think about, well, what are
26:51
other ways I need to learn to trust myself? And
26:53
we learn to trust ourselves by doing things consistently,
26:56
by honoring the commitments we make to ourselves.
26:59
That's how we learn to trust anyone, frankly,
27:01
by doing what we say we're going to do. And so
27:05
I thought, well, what other areas of my life
27:07
do I want to have more confidence in that I can
27:09
transfer this over to? And one was performance
27:12
for singing. I did not grow up as a performer.
27:15
I did not grow up singing in front of people.
27:17
I have, to date, only dozens of, not in the hundreds,
27:21
dozens of times in the lower dozens under 50,
27:25
sung full songs in front of people with accompaniment
27:27
live. And I thought, well, I want to get better
27:30
at that. And I asked Leroy, the producer I work
27:32
with, how do I get more confident performing
27:33
in front of people? And he's like, by performing
27:36
in front of people. Shocking. So now I've started
27:42
to do more of that. And I made a commitment to
27:44
do monthly open mic nights with my husband. And
27:45
we've been doing that since December. He plays
27:47
guitar. Oh. And I sing. And so I have now, OK,
27:51
now when I get on stage, let me kind of build
27:52
that. Let me start to build trust in that area
27:54
by honoring that commitment. And then more recently,
27:58
a friend of mine, I shared a dream with him about
28:00
wanting to maybe expand singing by. singing the
28:04
national anthem at a minor league baseball game,
28:06
maybe at some point perhaps, maybe possibly eventually,
28:09
eventually, eventually a major league game, maybe
28:11
someday. He heard that as, oh, you want to sing
28:16
at a major league baseball game this year? Got
28:17
it. And so he used to play major league baseball
28:20
and orchestrated a bunch of things behind the
28:21
scenes. And now I'm singing the national anthem
28:23
at the Orioles Yankees game on August 20th. Stop
28:26
it. Oh my gosh. That's so exciting. Congratulations.
28:30
And to what will be a sold out game, I'm sure.
28:32
No pressure. No pressure. But I'm working on
28:37
it. Like I'm practicing. I'm rehearsing. I work
28:38
with a vocal coach. So again, how do you build
28:40
confidence and other ways by getting in reps?
28:43
You know, so I'm working with a vocal coach every
28:45
week and we're, we're troubleshooting and we're
28:47
imagining and we're experimenting with things
28:48
and we're setting the intention. What's the intention
28:50
when I get out there is to sing every line joyfully.
28:53
Like that's the intention. So when we were in
28:55
practicing, when we're practicing together, all
28:57
right, how do I activate joy in this one before
28:59
I even sing the line? How do I connect to that
29:01
intention? And how do we get so many reps in
29:03
of doing this that I start to trust myself and
29:06
I trust my voice that it's not going to, my body's
29:08
not going to betray me. My voice isn't going
29:10
to crack. It's not going to cut out. And then
29:13
so when I walk out to that microphone on that
29:15
field in front of tens of thousands of people,
29:19
that I trust myself and I trust my body to show
29:23
up and perform in the moment because we've done
29:25
it so many times before. I've built that trust
29:29
to the point where when I get out there, I'm
29:31
not like wondering, I'm not like, oh, it's going
29:33
to happen. It's just another rep. And it's another
29:37
expression of trusting myself. I don't think
29:40
if this had happened 18 months ago, if someone's
29:41
like, you're going to sing the national anthem
29:43
at a major league baseball game, I would have
29:44
said, no, I am not. Here we are now. And I'm
29:48
like, you know what? You're like, let's go. Here's
29:52
the opportunity. I like to say, I'm not an imposter.
29:54
I'm in process. So I'm not, I could look at myself.
29:58
I've only sung the national anthem once to 200
30:00
people in a field on an overcast Friday at a
30:02
small town in Maryland, which is true. That's
30:05
the most people I've ever sung the national anthem.
30:07
That's the most people I've ever sung like a
30:08
full song of anything to. And now I'm doing this.
30:14
And so I'm going to be going to be loud and lifted
30:17
out there. I'm really excited about it. So you've
30:21
mentioned your trainer, you've mentioned your
30:22
husband, you've mentioned your vocal coach. So
30:25
I'm getting onto the trend that you didn't do
30:26
this alone. How important were the people around
30:30
you? And were you, did you have to like, ask
30:34
for help. I mean, people are obviously coming
30:35
to you, but like, how did that work? And how
30:37
did you get that support around you to get where
30:39
you are today? So I had practice when I was 32
30:43
years old, 2017. I was the director of wellbeing
30:46
at my company and I burned out and got mono.
30:49
I mean, like really sick, Epstein -Barr virus,
30:51
which is an acute form of mono. I lost my voice.
30:54
I had no energy. The people, people paid me and
30:58
hired me for my energy. I didn't have it. I went
31:01
through this dark night of the soul identity
31:02
crisis. Who am I if I don't have my voice? Who
31:05
am I if I don't have this energy? Am I ever going
31:08
to get this back? I mean, I was really scared.
31:10
So I was in 2017 when I was still my corporate
31:12
job. And what I learned in the wake of that experience
31:15
was how isolated I had been through my own doing.
31:21
Because for so much of my life, I had believed,
31:24
well, sort of if it's to be, it's up to me. And
31:27
I just need to figure this out. And if I ask
31:29
for help, people are going to think I can't handle
31:32
it. They're going to think I am lesser. They're
31:35
going to think I'm not as great as I want them
31:36
to think I am. They're going to see it as a sign
31:39
of weakness and incompetence. I deep in my bones
31:42
believe that. When I burned out and was so sick
31:48
and had to change my schedule at work, I had
31:54
to change something. I hit this inflection point.
31:57
I was like, you can keep doing this, and you're
31:59
going to drive yourself into the ground, and
32:01
your life's going to fall apart. Kind of started
32:04
to a little bit. Or you can make a change. So
32:08
it's this catalyst, it's this moment I talk about
32:10
as the void in this framework I teach people.
32:12
The void, what's the moment of just something's
32:16
got to give would have didn't have to be this
32:17
way. And I started reaching out to people. I
32:19
started asking for help first at work. I started
32:22
opening up to friends. I'd never really been
32:24
super outwardly vulnerable with people. I didn't
32:28
really let people in. I also wasn't a very good
32:30
friend. I also wouldn't reach out to and follow
32:32
up with people or check in on them. I was so
32:35
self -consumed with just all my own life that
32:39
I was disconnected and very isolated. And I realized
32:41
how lonely I was, outwardly successful, but how
32:45
internally isolated and disconnected I felt.
32:49
And I didn't want to feel that way anymore. And
32:53
so I started letting people into my life. I got
32:55
on a, this might sound so ridiculous, but at,
32:57
I think it was probably 32, 33, maybe 33, was
33:00
the first time I was ever on a group text with
33:02
a group of peers. Which some people might think
33:06
like group texts, and I mute a lot of them now.
33:08
Not those friends, but like if I'm in a group
33:10
text, I'm like, oh, that's too much. But I'd
33:12
never been included. I got invited to a girls
33:14
weekend with like six women that I go to church
33:17
with. And they were all a group and they sort
33:19
of let me into their group and they invited me.
33:21
I had never been on a girls weekend with a group
33:24
of my friends before, at 33. Interesting. And
33:29
so what started to happen is that foundation
33:32
was getting laid over those years. So when the
33:36
accident happened and I needed to ask for help,
33:39
I had practiced in the years prior. I had practiced
33:42
asking for help and realizing that people want
33:45
to help you. They just don't know that you need
33:48
it. And I mean, imagine right now, Simon Sinek
33:51
has a video about this, where he says, if I knew,
33:53
like, if you're a dear friend of mine and I were
33:55
to find out sometime later that you were struggling
33:58
and you didn't invite me into that, to be a part
34:01
of that with you, like, how dare you? How dare
34:05
you assume that I wouldn't want to be in that
34:08
with you? And so for me, it's just that reminder
34:12
that people that love you, Want to support you,
34:16
but if you don't let them know that you need
34:18
them They may not be able to be there the way
34:21
that you need them to be And you're missing out
34:24
on an opportunity to build trust in that relationship
34:27
because when we ask for help When we make ourselves
34:29
vulnerable and we open up to another person That's
34:31
one of the ways that we build trust vulnerability
34:33
as a trust builder in a relationship I didn't
34:36
allow people to help me because I was too proud
34:38
That's so interesting and it's funny as you're
34:42
saying that it's it's like Sometimes we're being
34:44
selfish when we don't ask for help. And people
34:47
think the opposite, right? They think they're
34:49
being selfish if they ask for help or I need
34:51
someone to do this and it's actually backwards.
34:53
And I never really thought about that that way.
34:56
And I never really thought about the fact that
34:57
you're right. Like everything else, it takes
35:00
practice. And sometimes you just have to start
35:03
small and do something that's like asking somebody
35:06
to pick something up for you or whatever it is.
35:08
But you're right. It does have to start small
35:11
and you literally have to build confidence with
35:13
asking for help and getting support. I never
35:15
thought about that way, but you know, it's so
35:17
many of these conversations come back to people
35:19
being successful. They need the support. No one
35:22
is Superwoman. No one is doing this alone. And
35:25
as women, we tend to just struggle with sometimes
35:28
taking that first step and making that ask to
35:30
all the reasons that you said. So starting small
35:33
and kind of building into that, to the fact that
35:36
that was just your life. And then when you really
35:38
needed it, it was probably a lot easier than
35:41
to accept that help. Yeah. Oh, so crazy. So for
35:46
a woman who's listening to this, who's feeling
35:48
muted or disconnected or just really unsure how
35:52
to come back, what's the first step, right? Like
35:54
sometimes it can feel so overwhelming if you
35:57
need to tackle this. So how does somebody move
36:00
forward and take that first step? So there's
36:03
a couple of things that I like to invite people
36:04
to do. And one is to first, you have to kind
36:07
of first feel the pain of staying the same. and
36:10
realizing that you don't want to stay in that
36:12
spot anymore, it has to be an internal conviction.
36:15
Conviction is what really gets us to make a change.
36:18
So when I made the decision to work with a trainer,
36:21
I felt so stuck that when I saw this door open
36:24
of finding out who this person was working with,
36:26
I felt convicted that I have to take action.
36:29
I can't stay here. So a couple of questions I
36:31
like to invite people to sit with, as opposed
36:33
to being prescriptive and say, here's the three
36:34
things you need to do. I'm more inclined to say,
36:37
look within yourself, answer these questions,
36:38
and these questions will guide you down the path
36:40
that you need to go on. So the first is, what
36:43
is one way you are currently feeling stuck or
36:46
holding back or experiencing a doubt or stagnation
36:49
of some kind in your life? One area. Pick one.
36:51
Because we want to pick 17. We're like, let me
36:53
fix it all at one time. Don't do that. Pick one.
36:56
And then ask yourself, what is the cost of staying
36:58
where I am? So I ask myself, what's the cost
37:01
of continuing to stay where I am, of feeling
37:03
powerless, of not building strength and trust
37:05
in my body? If I stay here, if nothing changes,
37:07
and I just keep doing what I'm doing, what's
37:09
the cost a year from now, three years from now,
37:12
five years from now? Is that a price I want to
37:14
pay? To get honest about that first. And most
37:17
of us will say, no, I don't want to pay that
37:18
price, and that's too expensive. And so now I
37:22
feel like I want to do something. The second
37:24
question is, if it were just right, what would
37:26
it look like? If it were just right, what would
37:28
it look like? I guess it's more like the third
37:29
question. But it's a question I learned from
37:31
my dad. He calls himself the unstucker. Love
37:35
that. So if it were just right, what would it
37:37
look like? If it were just right, gosh, I'd feel,
37:39
when I think about my own journey, I'd feel stronger.
37:43
I'd feel more capable. I'd be lifting heavier
37:45
things. I'd trust my body. I'd be in shape again.
37:48
Oh, gosh. Once you paint a compelling enough
37:51
vision, of what the just right future looks like,
37:53
that alone can start to move you toward it. That
37:56
can start to motivate you to want to take action.
37:59
And then the third step of what I take people
38:01
through, or fourth step, I guess, getting the
38:03
numbers here, is connecting to a sense of capability
38:07
and possibility with the inside of yourself.
38:09
So for me, looking back on when I went through
38:12
the burnout experience and identifying, hey,
38:14
remember before when you went through this thing
38:16
that you didn't know how you were going to get
38:17
through and you got through it? You're capable.
38:21
So sometimes we just need to look back. I call
38:23
it the proof in our past. Look at the proof in
38:24
your past of when you've been capable that you
38:26
didn't think you could do a thing and you did
38:28
a thing. Remind yourself, I am capable of doing
38:31
hard things. And then at some point, make a decision
38:35
for maybe whose belief do I need to borrow in
38:37
this season? Whose accountability do I need?
38:38
I'm really big on accountability. I can often
38:44
forego a commitment I make to myself if I'm the
38:48
only one that knows about it. But if I have made
38:52
a commitment to somebody else, I don't want to
38:53
disappoint them. So my trainer would know if
38:56
I went a week, if I saw her, and then I went
38:59
home for a week, and I didn't work out. She's
39:03
going to know. She's sexy, and we're checking
39:05
in with each other. And so get to know yourself
39:08
in that way. What's the accountability that you
39:10
need? Who's already where you want to be? Or
39:13
who can help you get to where you want to be?
39:14
Identify one person and reach out to them. You
39:17
might have to pay them. Like it's not just all
39:19
free. Maybe it's a friend of yours, great. But
39:21
maybe it's a coach or a trainer or somebody that
39:23
you need to pay that's going to hold you accountable
39:25
and help guide you through this to rebuild that
39:28
trust in yourself. And then the final part of
39:30
this is getting clear on, okay, what becomes
39:33
possible in the best case scenario if I've taken
39:37
action and that vision, the just right vision
39:40
I have has come true. Let me imagine and like
39:44
internalize it, make it visual, make it visceral.
39:47
I've been doing a lot of meditating and kind
39:48
of tapping into the power of the subconscious
39:50
mind lately and just sitting, literally sitting
39:53
with it, imagining it as if it already is. So
39:56
you're sitting there visualizing, imagining yourself.
39:59
I mean, I will visualize myself lifting a heavier
40:01
deadlift than I can currently lift. And then
40:03
I'm doing it confidently. I've imagined myself
40:06
standing in Camden Yards in the field and looking
40:08
out into the audience and finishing the anthem
40:10
with my arms spread wide and smile on my face.
40:13
literally get yourself into a position where
40:15
you are visualizing and viscerally creating that
40:19
experience as if you are already there and allow
40:22
yourself to go there. If it were just right,
40:25
if this all works out in the best case scenario,
40:28
what becomes possible for me and for the people
40:31
around me? And if you go through that internal
40:33
process, you will get to a place where you feel
40:35
convicted and compelled to take action and do
40:37
something. That's a mic drop moment right there.
40:40
That's amazing. Rachel, you're so amazing and
40:45
you truly are living a loud, unmuted, lifted
40:49
life. So I'm so glad that we were able to connect
40:51
and to hear your story and can't wait to see
40:53
the impact that you continue to make. And we
40:56
definitely want to see the video from performance.
40:58
It'll be amazing. So thank you so much for being
41:01
here. Thank you for having me. The conversation
41:04
with Rachel was such a powerful reminder that
41:06
confidence is not something we just wake up with
41:08
one day. We build it. Through movement, through
41:11
consistency, through support, through keeping
41:13
promises to ourselves, through doing the things
41:16
before we fully believe we can. And I love what
41:19
Rachel shared about confidence really meaning
41:21
self -trust, because that's the piece so many
41:24
of us miss. We think we need to feel confident
41:27
first, but sometimes confidence comes after the
41:29
reps, after the first walk, after the first lift,
41:32
after the first ask for help. And Rachel's story
41:36
is also such a beautiful reminder that being
41:38
lifted is not always about pushing harder. Sometimes
41:42
it's about letting people in, letting someone
41:44
else believe in you until you can believe in
41:46
yourself. That feels very loud and lifted to
41:49
me. No one rebuilds alone. So if this episode
41:52
connected with you, send it to someone who needs
41:54
that reminder that they are stronger than they
41:56
think and that coming back to yourself does not
41:59
happen all at once. Sometimes it starts with
42:01
one small promise. and then another. Until next
42:05
time, stay loud, unmuted, and lifted.