Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / r/SMNTY: Women and Reddit

Transcript

r/SMNTY: Women and Reddit · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane
0:07
Speaker 1: never told you a production of I Heart Radio and
0:19
Speaker 1: today I don't think we really have a content warning,
0:23
Speaker 1: but there is some grossness that happens that we're talking about,
0:27
Speaker 1: and it's Internet grossness that you probably know exists if
0:30
Speaker 1: you've been someone on the Internet who's from any intersectionality
0:33
Speaker 1: and marginalized community. We are going to be talking about that,
0:36
Speaker 1: including some quotes that I find very infuriating, but nothing
0:39
Speaker 1: to to in depth because today we're talking about Reddit. Yes,
0:44
Speaker 1: and we're doing kind of It wasn't planned, but we
0:48
Speaker 1: have a lot of technology based episodes kind of it's
0:52
Speaker 1: kind of how our minds go from talk about this
0:54
Speaker 1: to this and this and all these subjects and need
0:57
Speaker 1: an episode in itself because it's too big. They are
1:00
Speaker 1: very different platforms, but they affect women and marginalized communities
1:04
Speaker 1: pretty deeply. Um yeah, we had to yeah, yeah. And
1:08
Speaker 1: one thing I've found in researching this is you know
1:11
Speaker 1: that there are those problems that you wouldn't surprise you
1:14
Speaker 1: that exists on all of them, but they are distinct,
1:18
Speaker 1: which is interesting. Um So I wanted to ask you, Samantha,
1:24
Speaker 1: what is your experience with Reddit. It is, so if
1:29
Speaker 1: I had to put a percentage, I I probably uh
1:32
Speaker 1: mess with it about of its utilities, I guess you
1:36
Speaker 1: can say. And I say this in that I never
1:38
Speaker 1: had to read it account. I don't even know how
1:40
Speaker 1: to work Reddit, and I say this as yes, it
1:43
Speaker 1: sounds like I am an aged boomer. But the problem
1:48
Speaker 1: about Reddit for me is I don't understand the way
1:52
Speaker 1: it's stacks. So you get the original posts and in
1:55
Speaker 1: the comments, and you can't just search from what I gather.
1:58
Speaker 1: So it's very very foreign concept to me. I do
2:02
Speaker 1: enjoy the concept of it because I can learn about
2:09
Speaker 1: reddit post through other platforms. So typically how I read
2:12
Speaker 1: Reddit post is through Twitter someone that brings it about
2:16
Speaker 1: and be like, hey look at this Reddit post and
2:17
Speaker 1: I'm like okay, cool, and or from my partner who
2:20
Speaker 1: was an enthusiast when it comes to Reddit, has probably
2:23
Speaker 1: known more about it than anything, has a lot of
2:26
Speaker 1: things that they love about it and will show me
2:28
Speaker 1: post will save posts for me. When it comes to
2:31
Speaker 1: dog videos that are cute, um, fun laugh, so that
2:35
Speaker 1: there's a thing about like contagious laughter. There's a whole
2:38
Speaker 1: channel like he loves that, so he'll send me things
2:41
Speaker 1: like that. But I've also hurt so many horror stories
2:43
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I don't. I'm not gonna mess
2:45
Speaker 1: with that. I don't. I don't want to know. There
2:47
Speaker 1: are a few that I will, like, I have subscribed
2:49
Speaker 1: to and then we're going to talk about it. But
2:52
Speaker 1: I do follow the m I the ask reddit twitter
2:55
Speaker 1: feed so that I can read that way. But yeah,
2:59
Speaker 1: that is that is the depth of my Reddit experience.
3:03
Speaker 1: What about you. Yeah, I'm similar. I've always had a
3:07
Speaker 1: hesitance around Reddit, even though I have friends who are
3:10
Speaker 1: women who love it, and it's kind of a running
3:13
Speaker 1: joke that they're always like, I saw this unreddit, I
3:15
Speaker 1: saw the unreddit, or today I checked this the read
3:17
Speaker 1: on reddit. But I've always been hesitant about it because
3:20
Speaker 1: of some of the things we're going to talk about,
3:21
Speaker 1: some of which has been overblown and some of which
3:23
Speaker 1: has not. And I remember when I first was working
3:26
Speaker 1: on this stuff. I've never told you YouTube channel. They
3:28
Speaker 1: asked me, like, you should go post in Reddit, and
3:31
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know anything about Reddit, but
3:34
Speaker 1: I can tell you as someone who doesn't have a
3:36
Speaker 1: Reddit account, if I just come in as a company.
3:38
Speaker 1: You can't even post it unless you have enough karma points.
3:41
Speaker 1: By the way, it's not gonna look good. It's not
3:43
Speaker 1: gonna look good for me. It's not gonna look good
3:45
Speaker 1: for us. So we're not gonna do it. And we
3:48
Speaker 1: didn't think that means you opposing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did
3:52
Speaker 1: you know there is a Reddit thread about stuff I've
3:54
Speaker 1: never told you? Yeah? So I found it a while
3:58
Speaker 1: ago when I was researching everything. It just kind of
4:01
Speaker 1: the one I found so genuinely like, not mean. It
4:06
Speaker 1: was just about the changing of hosts, and it just
4:08
Speaker 1: updates as that it changes, it seems. I did see
4:13
Speaker 1: a few people comment about why what's happening? So people
4:15
Speaker 1: trying to answer to questions I didusked linger for long
4:18
Speaker 1: because I was scared. Oh wow, we listeners, let us know,
4:23
Speaker 1: we should check that out. We're speaking of I uh
4:29
Speaker 1: again forever ago. Um. When Bridget and I did those
4:32
Speaker 1: episodes on fan fiction, a bunch of you wrote in
4:35
Speaker 1: and said there are fan fiction communities on Reddit, which
4:37
Speaker 1: surprised me, but actually pretty thriving fan fiction communities. I did.
4:42
Speaker 1: I have read fan fiction on Reddit when I was younger,
4:46
Speaker 1: in my early fan fiction days, and I read the
4:48
Speaker 1: scary posted on yeah, and people can. I think there's
4:53
Speaker 1: collections there and people post, but I read one that
4:56
Speaker 1: was the Silent Hill to fan fiction, and it's legitimately
4:59
Speaker 1: one of the scariest things I haven't read, and I
5:00
Speaker 1: never went back. I was saying, Nope, okay, kudos to
5:06
Speaker 1: that author that I know, I know, and kudos is
5:09
Speaker 1: the thing you give to authors that you like on it,
5:12
Speaker 1: I'm so hip, you are so hip. I feel like
5:15
Speaker 1: I just completely decimated that. No, um, I do awesome. No,
5:25
Speaker 1: because of one of said friends that she'll always update
5:29
Speaker 1: me on her Um, there's a last of us to
5:32
Speaker 1: hate Reddit. She'll up to me on that. Oh no.
5:36
Speaker 1: And she also I've told you this, Samantha, she hates
5:39
Speaker 1: onions and she's on like a I hate onions reddit
5:44
Speaker 1: reddit and one time it was infiltrated by people who
5:48
Speaker 1: love onions, and that's one of my very favorite things.
5:53
Speaker 1: There's a lot of battles, it seems on Reddit. Yes yes, yes, yes,
5:57
Speaker 1: um and from want to Gather. A lot of it
6:00
Speaker 1: is kind of done in fun. Eclectic was a word
6:03
Speaker 1: I saw a lot spirits, so I believe these pro
6:07
Speaker 1: onion people. It was in good fun, I hope. And
6:11
Speaker 1: then also fan fiction. Again, there is a popular trope
6:15
Speaker 1: in fan fiction where like your favorite fictional characters will
6:18
Speaker 1: use modern day technologies. And so I've read a few
6:22
Speaker 1: that are am I the asked, but with Star Wars characters.
6:25
Speaker 1: So one is like Darth Vader being my son was
6:28
Speaker 1: being particularly annoying, so I cut off his hand, am I,
6:31
Speaker 1: they asked something like that. Okay, I know that they
6:34
Speaker 1: have a huge followingers, in fact that their podcasts that
6:37
Speaker 1: are made up just to read off vertics to post
6:41
Speaker 1: off of am I the app. So whoever started that
6:44
Speaker 1: is a genius. Yes, and we are, as you said,
6:47
Speaker 1: going to be talking about a lot of that. We
6:48
Speaker 1: have some examples because there's interesting things and this is
6:51
Speaker 1: one of the reasons it was just your idea to
6:53
Speaker 1: talk about this is it's kind of spotlighted. A lot
6:57
Speaker 1: of are still latent sex some and especially heterosexual relationships.
7:04
Speaker 1: So get ready for that. We pumped about that. Yes,
7:09
Speaker 1: but before we get into that, let's break down some
7:13
Speaker 1: some of the basics here. So a brief explainer on Reddit,
7:16
Speaker 1: which is called the front page at the Internet, and
7:18
Speaker 1: it's called that because you read it on Redditch I
7:23
Speaker 1: never knew that. Never. I was like, oh no, I
7:29
Speaker 1: just knew it never. It's kind of one of those
7:31
Speaker 1: games that you play when you have that you know,
7:33
Speaker 1: they don't actually spell it out, but the sounds that
7:35
Speaker 1: you're supposed to figure out the sentence. That's this level.
7:38
Speaker 1: I would have never thought that same read. It was
7:43
Speaker 1: founded by three University of Virginia students in two thousand five,
7:47
Speaker 1: Steve Hoffman, Alexis Ohanian with Aaron Schwartz, and I put
7:52
Speaker 1: with because his role is disputed and there's a lot
7:55
Speaker 1: of drama. If we were a different podcast, we could
7:57
Speaker 1: break down, but we are not that podcast. But if
7:59
Speaker 1: you want to look at up so much drama in
8:02
Speaker 1: the leadership of Reddit, oh my goodness. A year later
8:05
Speaker 1: it was acquired by conte Nast, although I did read
8:07
Speaker 1: that they used a lot of fake accounts to make
8:10
Speaker 1: it look like it was more used than actually. But yeah,
8:16
Speaker 1: it's value has skyrocketed since then, and if you are unaware,
8:20
Speaker 1: it's essentially a huge depository of forums where people can
8:24
Speaker 1: post content and comment and vote on other people's post
8:28
Speaker 1: up voter, down vote, um. It's divided into over a
8:31
Speaker 1: million specific communities or forums called subreddits which are labeled
8:35
Speaker 1: as our slash whatever topic. Um. And these subreddits can
8:40
Speaker 1: cover pretty much anything. And we're talking like niche stuff
8:43
Speaker 1: like this onion thing I like, very very niche, but
8:47
Speaker 1: also as discussed in in the past episodes, things like
8:51
Speaker 1: men's rights activists, users and content at the red Pills.
8:54
Speaker 1: So we've we've talked about Reddit quite a bit on here,
8:57
Speaker 1: just never specifically. Uh. Certain criteria must be met in
9:02
Speaker 1: order to create a subredit. Basically, you have to have
9:05
Speaker 1: a fairly active account that's over thirty days old, and
9:08
Speaker 1: a certain number of karma points determined by upboats and downboats.
9:12
Speaker 1: But apparently the exact number is a Reddit secret, which
9:15
Speaker 1: I'm like, how is that? Okay? I know, I'm like.
9:21
Speaker 1: These subredits are managed by volunteer moderators also called mods. Uh.
9:27
Speaker 1: They can control various appearance aspects of a subredit and
9:30
Speaker 1: the content that is allowed, even removing some are banning users.
9:35
Speaker 1: The whole thing is managed by Reddit employees called admins
9:39
Speaker 1: that can band users, demote mods, and even get rid
9:42
Speaker 1: of whole subredits. UM. A lot of Reddit terminology comes
9:47
Speaker 1: in abbreviations, and some of the ones, some of the
9:50
Speaker 1: big ones, you may have heard, and some of them
9:52
Speaker 1: we're going to dig into more. Are A M A
9:54
Speaker 1: asked me anything, and A I T A R AM
9:58
Speaker 1: I the ASP. But it's just like so many and
10:02
Speaker 1: I don't understand them, and I have to sit there
10:04
Speaker 1: and stare at them, going okay, what what would sentence? Yeah,
10:10
Speaker 1: so they asked me anything. I didn't know. I knew
10:13
Speaker 1: the A M A park because I don't know Reddit.
10:18
Speaker 1: And the only time I've ever seen this are when
10:20
Speaker 1: celebrities get on and people are super excited or like
10:23
Speaker 1: authors and that, which sounds like a great idea. It
10:26
Speaker 1: seems like a really smart thing, but I know there's
10:28
Speaker 1: been a lot of trouble where they've had to shut
10:29
Speaker 1: things down. That's a whole different conversation. But you know what,
10:33
Speaker 1: It's often used for philanthropic fundraisers and a lot of
10:36
Speaker 1: the users love it, calling it fun, eccentric place to
10:39
Speaker 1: share content. And I've heard that. But like everything, Reddit
10:43
Speaker 1: is not without its issues, and we've talked about it before.
10:46
Speaker 1: One that we're not going to really get into today,
10:48
Speaker 1: but we've discussed in brief before as Internet visilantism, uh
10:53
Speaker 1: data collection have been once said Reddit knows the dark
10:57
Speaker 1: secrets of its users, and it was later discovered he
10:59
Speaker 1: had Russian control activity on the site, which is a
11:03
Speaker 1: concern right now for a lot of these platforms. During
11:06
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty Georgia Floyd Protest, eight moderators called for
11:10
Speaker 1: the banning of the sexist and racist subreddits and hate speech,
11:13
Speaker 1: and in June of that year they banned somewhere around
11:16
Speaker 1: two thousand subreddits, including the subreddit are slash gender critical uh,
11:21
Speaker 1: the largest turf subreddit um. Some of the bands drew
11:25
Speaker 1: complaints around censorship, especially politically. Just this year, the company
11:30
Speaker 1: banned the word groomer when used as a slur against
11:33
Speaker 1: l g B t Q plus folks. They also introduced
11:37
Speaker 1: AI tools to find hate speech, but posters have found
11:41
Speaker 1: ways around it, which it is hard to keep up with.
11:43
Speaker 1: In one Ultra Violet, which friend of the show Bridget
11:47
Speaker 1: Todd works with, closely, found Reddit had a C on
11:52
Speaker 1: the sexism report card and this was the highest grade
11:55
Speaker 1: of the social media platforms they surveyed, which makes me sad. Yeah,
12:02
Speaker 1: it was it was not pretty. It was not pretty. Yeah,
12:07
Speaker 1: But to be fair, and again I say this with
12:09
Speaker 1: like because this is also part of the conversation we
12:12
Speaker 1: were having and talking about doing this episode. Redd. It
12:15
Speaker 1: seems like a fairly better space for women to get
12:19
Speaker 1: sound advice because we talked about them during the rebels
12:22
Speaker 1: of the abortion movement, more so than some of the
12:26
Speaker 1: other platforms. But yeah, see yeah, and you should look
12:31
Speaker 1: it up listeners if you haven't seen it, because it
12:33
Speaker 1: breaks down by category and then averaged out, so see
12:37
Speaker 1: you was the average and it got an F in
12:39
Speaker 1: other like in specific categories, but like see overall. And
12:58
Speaker 1: this is kind of complicated because there's been a lot
13:00
Speaker 1: of phases of this, so we're kind of we're going
13:02
Speaker 1: to jump around a little bit. But um beginning in read,
13:06
Speaker 1: it enacted policies banning harassment involuntary sexualization and banned several
13:12
Speaker 1: forums focused on bigotry or harassment, including subredits targeting gay,
13:17
Speaker 1: fat and black people. Uh. Notably, this happened under the
13:22
Speaker 1: extremely controversial and short lived leadership of Ellen Powe and
13:26
Speaker 1: whoa is there a lot of drama around that. Depending
13:30
Speaker 1: on what you read, she is either an absolute dictator
13:33
Speaker 1: or scapegoat who did her best, but it cannot be
13:36
Speaker 1: denied there was a lot of sexist talk around her,
13:39
Speaker 1: and she received rape and death threats while she was
13:43
Speaker 1: uh serving this position. UM, a lot of discussion around
13:47
Speaker 1: free speech and censorship happened under her. Basically the guy
13:50
Speaker 1: she was serving for as enterim he went on Reddit
13:55
Speaker 1: and like let loose and you can read all these
14:00
Speaker 1: comments about it, but he was basically like, like, she
14:03
Speaker 1: was in a bad position, the she wasn't the one
14:07
Speaker 1: to blame for all of these problems everyone had in leadership.
14:10
Speaker 1: Who was to blame should have come forward and said that,
14:12
Speaker 1: and they did it, and I hope people are still
14:14
Speaker 1: mad about it. But essentially that's the vibe I got.
14:16
Speaker 1: That's definitely what he said, UM, because a lot of
14:20
Speaker 1: this happened around the alleged no I mean, somebody was
14:23
Speaker 1: a very popular Reddit employee was fired and she was
14:27
Speaker 1: a woman, and people blamed Ellen Powell, but according to
14:32
Speaker 1: what I've read, it was not her decision, but that
14:34
Speaker 1: didn't stop the higher ups from letting her take the blame.
14:38
Speaker 1: So that's that's a bigger thing. But I did find
14:41
Speaker 1: that interesting because so many things popped up about it
14:43
Speaker 1: when I was researching this, and um after hashtag me
14:49
Speaker 1: to our slash insuls was taken down and late at
14:54
Speaker 1: the time, people on this subreddit, we're arguing that rape
14:59
Speaker 1: is just sex, but also that reverse rate men who
15:03
Speaker 1: wanted sexpert weren't having it should be a part of
15:06
Speaker 1: the discussion around me too. A member posed as a
15:09
Speaker 1: woman in a legal advice subreddit to try to get
15:12
Speaker 1: advice for getting away with rape. And this whole thing
15:16
Speaker 1: spawned our slash in cell tears, which tracks in cell extremism.
15:22
Speaker 1: And I think we've talked about that before, but I
15:23
Speaker 1: know from my friends read that one in the company
15:27
Speaker 1: introduced new policies to minimize harassment, including hiding post messages
15:31
Speaker 1: and comments from selected users, as well as new guidelines
15:34
Speaker 1: around banning content that called for violence. All right, didn't
15:39
Speaker 1: Fortune come off of Reddit? Essentially they were banned from
15:44
Speaker 1: that where they started their own. That's I believe, So
15:48
Speaker 1: I believe. So yeah, yeah, I know we talked about
15:50
Speaker 1: it before when we talked about in cells, So you know,
15:54
Speaker 1: kind of good. I guess not that Fortune exists, but
15:56
Speaker 1: they're not all Reddit, but yeah, that's all different conversation. Again.
16:00
Speaker 1: According to some resources, read it was the seventh most
16:03
Speaker 1: popular website in one and the nineteenth and most popular
16:07
Speaker 1: globally in twenty eighteen. They were getting about a hundred
16:10
Speaker 1: ten million, hundred ten million users monthly, so it's inspired
16:14
Speaker 1: other sizes like imager, imager. I don't know how to
16:17
Speaker 1: say this, however, an estimated seventy of the Reddit users
16:20
Speaker 1: are actually men, though it's predominantly left leaning and young,
16:25
Speaker 1: which surprises me. Less than nineteen percent are right leaning
16:28
Speaker 1: and only one percent are over sixty five, which, again, yeah,
16:33
Speaker 1: as year old at I don't touch that. This is
16:36
Speaker 1: one of those things that make sense when I thought
16:38
Speaker 1: about it, but when I again, I think it's because
16:43
Speaker 1: bad actors get so much news media and they're so
16:47
Speaker 1: bad that I'm afraid to use read it because of them,
16:50
Speaker 1: even if they were even if they're a small st
16:53
Speaker 1: upset um that I just had this assumption that there
16:58
Speaker 1: was going to be a lot more right leaning people.
17:00
Speaker 1: But it does make sense because, well, some things we're
17:03
Speaker 1: going to talk about. So we did want to focus
17:07
Speaker 1: specifically on some of the issues that women and other
17:11
Speaker 1: intersectionalities and marginalized communities face on Reddit, starting with moderators.
17:17
Speaker 1: So in the wake of me to some moderators and
17:20
Speaker 1: subs like our slash band Female Hate really tackled banning
17:24
Speaker 1: sexist content on Reddit, including first time, so maybe they
17:28
Speaker 1: were joining because of this UM. Subreddits like are slash
17:31
Speaker 1: abused sluts, are slash raping women, are slash against women's rights,
17:37
Speaker 1: and are slash deadly erotica were things that they UH
17:41
Speaker 1: found and raise their hand about. There's our slash Mother Daughter,
17:47
Speaker 1: which is a subreddit dedicated to posting pictures of mothers
17:49
Speaker 1: and daughters and describing what the poster would like to
17:52
Speaker 1: do to them sexually. Uh. There's another where men create
17:56
Speaker 1: ai girlfriends are mean to them and then posted about
18:00
Speaker 1: it on Reddit. There's Tributes Delivered, which is basically messaging
18:05
Speaker 1: women and underage girls with unsolicited pictures they've masturbated and
18:09
Speaker 1: ejaculated on and then posting pictures of that. Yeah. Uh.
18:13
Speaker 1: Many of these have had hundreds of thousands of followers,
18:18
Speaker 1: but these mods, who again are volunteers, report being overwhelmed
18:23
Speaker 1: by the emotional toll, and a lot of the mods
18:25
Speaker 1: fighting the sexism are women, and a lot of them
18:28
Speaker 1: end up leaving. Mods have also reported feeling ignored and
18:32
Speaker 1: unsupported by the company when they do raise concerns or
18:35
Speaker 1: flag material, so it feels kind of hopeless almost um.
18:42
Speaker 1: And on top of that, they don't have a great
18:44
Speaker 1: record outside of the Anglo sphere or English speaking world
18:48
Speaker 1: of controlling hate speech, to say the least. The company
18:52
Speaker 1: says it's aiming to combat this by hiring more non
18:55
Speaker 1: English speakers, amongst other things. Many have spoken out about
18:59
Speaker 1: how the un hate moderator model has its limits, leading
19:02
Speaker 1: to further extremism, and it is worth noting that when
19:05
Speaker 1: a subreddit is banned, the redditors often migrate to another
19:10
Speaker 1: subreditum or maybe even another website. But there is a
19:15
Speaker 1: really big vibe of you know, you don't like it,
19:18
Speaker 1: you can leave. And here we're getting into some of
19:23
Speaker 1: the comments. So just that's not your thing today, I understand.
19:29
Speaker 1: So here's an example of the comments some women mods
19:32
Speaker 1: reported receiving. I want you to get cancer because I
19:35
Speaker 1: want to see your own body killing you. I want
19:38
Speaker 1: you to get cancer, your mother's sister, brother, father, grandparents.
19:41
Speaker 1: I want them all to get cancer, and when they
19:43
Speaker 1: open their mouths, I want to piss in them. I
19:45
Speaker 1: hate you, you nasty, disgusting slut. The in Gadget article
19:51
Speaker 1: that included this quote disclosed that every mod they interviewed
19:54
Speaker 1: for this piece had received a death threat. Every one
19:58
Speaker 1: of them right, um, and I don't know, and I
20:02
Speaker 1: guess we could even look about it, but like, read
20:05
Speaker 1: it in itself, how does it make money me? Do
20:08
Speaker 1: you know? I think they make it births so there
20:10
Speaker 1: they read. It has tiers. They have one tier where
20:13
Speaker 1: you pay, they have advertising. Yeah, because I'm wondering about
20:18
Speaker 1: for the moderators, like for TikTok creators and Instagram creators
20:21
Speaker 1: who have big followings they make money. Do the Reddit
20:24
Speaker 1: rendators make money like that? I would love if somebody
20:26
Speaker 1: wrote in and let us know. I don't think so, yeah,
20:29
Speaker 1: let us know. If you're a big Reddit poster, Katie,
20:33
Speaker 1: friend Katie, let us know. Is it possible to get
20:37
Speaker 1: money like that? I don't know. I know, like you
20:39
Speaker 1: were saying that that you can make ads, you can
20:42
Speaker 1: pay for the ads that are on the side, which
20:43
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Um, but
20:46
Speaker 1: I'm wondering how it works for those who have a
20:48
Speaker 1: viral content or get because I know people follow each
20:51
Speaker 1: other on Reddit to write like You're like, you may
20:54
Speaker 1: not know their name, but you follow this one person
20:55
Speaker 1: because you like what they're doing or something, and links
20:58
Speaker 1: to their other social media sites which never seen people
21:00
Speaker 1: put reddits. Uh, the Reddit handles when they're advertising that
21:04
Speaker 1: I want other platforms. Ye, I don't have to think
21:07
Speaker 1: about it. Um. But yeah, there's here's another disgusting thing.
21:10
Speaker 1: You're all ready for it. One of the biggest things
21:12
Speaker 1: that you'll come across when researching women's sexism and read
21:15
Speaker 1: it is something called creep shots. Uh. Sexual images take
21:19
Speaker 1: it of women and posted without their knowledge. And similarly,
21:23
Speaker 1: nude photos. Yeah, some of these images are uploaded and
21:27
Speaker 1: sold again without consent. Uh. There have been some high
21:31
Speaker 1: profile cases. Toe. There was a large leak of nude
21:35
Speaker 1: pictures of women's celebrities posted non consensually, and a couple
21:39
Speaker 1: of years later Reddit shut down on subreddit posting deep fakes,
21:43
Speaker 1: which is a horrifying thought because, oh my god, of
21:46
Speaker 1: women in porn. Some revenge videos have been posted and
21:50
Speaker 1: monetized without the women's consent, which still is a conversation
21:53
Speaker 1: because it's still not been a fully addressed. This trade
21:55
Speaker 1: in nudes is called collector culture. There's a horror movie
22:01
Speaker 1: about that, folks, And many of these pictures often come
22:03
Speaker 1: with personal information like social media handles and addresses. Holy crap. Yeah,
22:08
Speaker 1: it's gross and scary. Okay, So this brings us to
22:13
Speaker 1: am I the ass um Reddit is kind of famous
22:17
Speaker 1: for hosting a lot of so called nice guys. And
22:21
Speaker 1: you know that's the guy who claims he's so nice,
22:23
Speaker 1: he does that everything right, Why are women denying me
22:26
Speaker 1: in a romantic relationship? Um? And then everyone's like, the way,
22:29
Speaker 1: you're terrible because you're demanding someone like you because you're
22:33
Speaker 1: seemingly nice. But if you have to say you're nice,
22:36
Speaker 1: probably not true. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like this
22:39
Speaker 1: is that's part of what I have. And again I
22:43
Speaker 1: have friends who are women who love Reddit. This is
22:45
Speaker 1: just like my outsider I don't know what for some
22:48
Speaker 1: reason I thought this, but I was like, oh, that's
22:49
Speaker 1: where the nice guys go, and I am I The
22:54
Speaker 1: a has become a lot of calling that out and
22:58
Speaker 1: we have a lot of examples for it. Okay, So
23:01
Speaker 1: from a Guardian article about a man in his thirties
23:04
Speaker 1: who frequented the red pill. So we're gonna go through
23:08
Speaker 1: some of these am I ask post and oh my goodness,
23:13
Speaker 1: oh my goodness. All right, so here's the quote Morpheus Manfred.
23:17
Speaker 1: Having spent my twenties looking for female companionship, I noticed
23:21
Speaker 1: that the dating game wasn't what I was taught, what
23:23
Speaker 1: my parents prepared me for, and what I learned from movies.
23:26
Speaker 1: It was stacked against guys, and it was a very
23:28
Speaker 1: unpleasant experience. Over the past ten years, the flakiness of
23:31
Speaker 1: women has gotten worse. You'd meet a girl, hit it off,
23:34
Speaker 1: get her number, and agree to date, and either she'd
23:37
Speaker 1: no show or canceled right before I found myself putting
23:40
Speaker 1: in all this effort for nothing. It was very defeating.
23:43
Speaker 1: It's not the way courting worked when my parents meant
23:47
Speaker 1: what I saw in movies. We're having a good heart
23:50
Speaker 1: and being yourself is all you need. That's not what
23:52
Speaker 1: happens now. Good and nice guys aren't attractive anymore. The
23:56
Speaker 1: Man who Sphere fundamentally became a surrogate father for the
23:59
Speaker 1: lifeless sins I never got. So this this actually was
24:04
Speaker 1: not from m I the ass They were interviewing people
24:06
Speaker 1: about why did you get involved in this Man of
24:09
Speaker 1: Sphere space? And so this was a quote from this
24:12
Speaker 1: user about it. And it was an interesting article because
24:16
Speaker 1: some people made the point like, maybe you know a
24:19
Speaker 1: lot of these dudes just need the sounding board to
24:22
Speaker 1: get off their chest and move on. But a lot
24:23
Speaker 1: of them don't, and that's something that we've talked about before,
24:27
Speaker 1: and this whole like overall mindset like maybe yeah, you
24:30
Speaker 1: just say that and get it off your chest, move on.
24:32
Speaker 1: But I feel like what we're talking about here is
24:35
Speaker 1: a bigger problem of how we think society should function
24:40
Speaker 1: and where women the roles women should play right, and
24:45
Speaker 1: then also the ones that that will play those roles
24:48
Speaker 1: don't meet your expectations because of A, B and C
24:51
Speaker 1: that you have placed upon that that's all different conversation,
24:53
Speaker 1: but yes, yes, yes, and so like this whole idea
24:57
Speaker 1: has gotten intertwined with um m I, the asked, And
25:00
Speaker 1: that is one of the reasons, as we said, we
25:01
Speaker 1: want to talk about this because that separate it is
25:03
Speaker 1: so popular and it has taken off and as you said,
25:06
Speaker 1: it's got podcasts and Twitter handles and all the time
25:10
Speaker 1: I'm hearing like did you see this man, am I?
25:12
Speaker 1: They asked, And as I said, it's really highlighted a
25:15
Speaker 1: lot of sexism going on and perhaps particularly in hetero relationships.
25:19
Speaker 1: And basically, yeah, if you haven't heard of it, it's
25:21
Speaker 1: a form where people post problems or disagreements they've had
25:25
Speaker 1: with others and ask if they're the villain in the story,
25:27
Speaker 1: like am I being unreasonable? Or is the other person
25:31
Speaker 1: or party being unreasonable? Again, this is one of the
25:34
Speaker 1: only things that I look at when I'm looking at Reddit,
25:36
Speaker 1: and typically i'll look at it through Twitter and or
25:39
Speaker 1: again a podcast that pops up from TikTok, my God,
25:42
Speaker 1: Everything's Inner Splice in the um. But then I will
25:46
Speaker 1: go and check it out and see what the comments
25:48
Speaker 1: are saying. Typically if they have comments coming back like
25:50
Speaker 1: there's something's like really entertaining. That's what George the Cat
25:53
Speaker 1: came from. If you follow them on Twitter, um, who
25:56
Speaker 1: is a union loving a radical cat? Fantastic, But it
26:01
Speaker 1: started off with the fact that the coworker wanted to
26:03
Speaker 1: butter the cat um. And again, if you haven't read it,
26:06
Speaker 1: you should. I remember when it first came out and
26:08
Speaker 1: everybody was on Twitter just losing their mind because they're like,
26:11
Speaker 1: this has to be fake, this has to be fake.
26:14
Speaker 1: Into that point, like George has now like thousands and
26:18
Speaker 1: thousands of followers UM and it's getting on the fights
26:21
Speaker 1: with people, and they also had a problematic issue just recently.
26:23
Speaker 1: But hey, that's a whole different conversation. It has all
26:27
Speaker 1: of these aspects to that. But then you have the
26:28
Speaker 1: ones that are super serious, to the point that people
26:30
Speaker 1: were like, oh, yo, you're gonna get murdered. Leave. How
26:34
Speaker 1: these posts go is literally it goes me. And then
26:37
Speaker 1: they give the age and their gender my husband or
26:40
Speaker 1: my partner age gender explains the story. Um, you can
26:43
Speaker 1: write as not the ask you're both asked kind of
26:47
Speaker 1: the ask kind of thing, or the other person is
26:49
Speaker 1: the as Like they give you these options, which is nice,
26:52
Speaker 1: and then you explain things. But this one woman that
26:55
Speaker 1: I read through was like really horrifying the fact that
26:59
Speaker 1: her husband younger brother was very co dependent on them,
27:02
Speaker 1: very needy, and there's something kind of off. Turned out
27:05
Speaker 1: he was peeing on her stuff. Uh, we're pretty sure
27:09
Speaker 1: he abused the cat, all these things. And then they
27:11
Speaker 1: found his like he got kicked out, and everybody felt
27:14
Speaker 1: sorry for him. The mother felt sorry for him, like
27:16
Speaker 1: the mother was enabling uh this, this younger brother, and
27:20
Speaker 1: and everybody's like, you don't need to worry, he's not
27:21
Speaker 1: a big deal. Then later on they find her picture
27:24
Speaker 1: posted in his room with like all these marks on
27:26
Speaker 1: it and like he had collected and stolen things from
27:29
Speaker 1: her with intend that he was going to hurt her. UM.
27:31
Speaker 1: And then somewhere along the lines, a niece came in,
27:33
Speaker 1: a young niece, like preteen. Your niece came in the picture,
27:36
Speaker 1: and he was like. Everybody was like, okay, yeah, there's
27:39
Speaker 1: something wrong with this guy. And this woman would come
27:41
Speaker 1: back with follow ups and updates about it, and then
27:44
Speaker 1: the last thing we find out is that he has
27:46
Speaker 1: been given a restraining order. That was a huge fight
27:49
Speaker 1: and he is now under supervision because people were seriously scared. UM.
27:54
Speaker 1: And I think the cat didn't make it like it
27:56
Speaker 1: was this whole whole thing. I was very upset. I
27:59
Speaker 1: think the people were so upset. But you have serious
28:02
Speaker 1: things like this, and a majority of the am I
28:07
Speaker 1: be asked posts are about relationships, as you said, and
28:10
Speaker 1: a lot of it has like in law relationships, sister relationships.
28:13
Speaker 1: One of those was like talking about the fact that
28:15
Speaker 1: a sister in law there was a lot of in laws,
28:19
Speaker 1: was making fun of the husband who that was the
28:21
Speaker 1: in law, UM, who was a chef and she's a
28:24
Speaker 1: chef and he's an Asian chef, and she went in
28:26
Speaker 1: was making racist comments about him being an Asian chef,
28:29
Speaker 1: to the point that she got fired um because like
28:32
Speaker 1: she worked at a chock like I think she worked
28:34
Speaker 1: at an Asian fusion restaurant and she was making fun
28:37
Speaker 1: of Asian cooks, so it was like, oh damn, and
28:39
Speaker 1: she was not Asian. I think she was white from
28:41
Speaker 1: the post and it divided the entire family. And apparently
28:44
Speaker 1: the parents got divorced because the mother was enabling like
28:47
Speaker 1: it was or the father was enabling the child. And
28:50
Speaker 1: best where the racist like came from, where racism was
28:53
Speaker 1: learned from? I guess like it was a whole thing
28:56
Speaker 1: and it went. It just killed their relationship. But you
28:58
Speaker 1: have advice in the column like that, But a lot
29:01
Speaker 1: of these are women coming and asking about advice about
29:04
Speaker 1: their relationships and whether or not oftentimes am I being
29:06
Speaker 1: cheated on? Was? It's kind of the conversation and about
29:09
Speaker 1: emotional affairs. It's the whole thing. But what I've repeatedly
29:12
Speaker 1: seen is like the fact that they will write these
29:15
Speaker 1: posts and people thought them because like you're not to ask,
29:18
Speaker 1: but you need to leave because he is awful. These
29:22
Speaker 1: are red flags. This is not going to change. These
29:25
Speaker 1: are things blah bla blah blah to the point like, yeah,
29:27
Speaker 1: all of the answers are typically yeah, you're not ask
29:29
Speaker 1: get a divorce, Get a divorce, Get a divorce. But
29:32
Speaker 1: some of these have been really empowering because a lot
29:35
Speaker 1: of the women come back with, thank you so much
29:37
Speaker 1: for your advice. This really helped me see some things
29:39
Speaker 1: I didn't really you know, think about this, and you're right,
29:41
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a bad thing, and I need
29:43
Speaker 1: to lead like it was just the whole thing and
29:44
Speaker 1: the reason you and I were talking about Reddit to
29:46
Speaker 1: begin with us because I've been seeing more and more
29:49
Speaker 1: where women are coming to find a crew of people
29:52
Speaker 1: to tell them what they can't see for themselves in
29:54
Speaker 1: the middle of the situation, and it's seemingly fairly empowering,
29:58
Speaker 1: especially the way they're having this converse station and and
30:01
Speaker 1: really hopefully rectifying the situation. Of course, there's others who
30:05
Speaker 1: are like the partners have seen it and they respond
30:08
Speaker 1: and that's a whole drama. Well that's good to hear,
30:12
Speaker 1: because I'm hardened to know that it's mostly people being like, hey,
30:18
Speaker 1: you should get out instead of you know, a lot
30:20
Speaker 1: of the victim blaming stuff we see all the time,
30:23
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying, you know, every post at the same.
30:25
Speaker 1: But you know, because I would hate for somebody to
30:28
Speaker 1: be in a vulnerable situation, and you're getting all these
30:30
Speaker 1: Internet people making it worse. So I here that it's
30:34
Speaker 1: typically it's not. I've not seen that as of yet.
30:51
Speaker 1: We do have some examples that we want to go over.
30:55
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Okay, So here's a quote from medium
30:58
Speaker 1: about this whole thing. It being am I the OUs
31:02
Speaker 1: is a microcosm of gendered entitlement, the story of American sexism,
31:06
Speaker 1: told post by post. There's the guy furious with his
31:08
Speaker 1: girlfriend for dressing up for a work soom because how
31:11
Speaker 1: dare she look nice for anyone but him? The husband
31:14
Speaker 1: who wants to forbid his wife from breastfeeding in public,
31:17
Speaker 1: The man who is mad that his wife, who has
31:19
Speaker 1: just given birth, doesn't dress sexy anymore, and of course,
31:23
Speaker 1: the one who feels betrayed that his wife keeps her
31:25
Speaker 1: own savings account. There's the man who needs complete silence
31:29
Speaker 1: from his stay at home wife and two toddlers while
31:31
Speaker 1: he works from home because quote, it's her job to
31:34
Speaker 1: be silent and shut the kids up. The husband who
31:37
Speaker 1: refuses to do any domestic work at all because his
31:40
Speaker 1: wife isn't asking nicely enough. He also seems to think
31:43
Speaker 1: his wife has a natural predilection for thankless activity. She
31:46
Speaker 1: doesn't really rest, he wrote, that's not her thing. The
31:49
Speaker 1: guy who wants his girlfriend to sell her house because
31:52
Speaker 1: she bought it with money she earned while stripping. And
31:54
Speaker 1: the man who walked out literally on his wife when
31:57
Speaker 1: she got an ovarian cancer diagnosis. I had begged her
32:00
Speaker 1: to have kids since we were twenty six, but she
32:03
Speaker 1: refused for her career, he wrote, as a justification for
32:05
Speaker 1: storming out of the doctor's office. It's not just the
32:08
Speaker 1: stories themselves and how obviously awful they are that stand out.
32:12
Speaker 1: What makes am I the asked such a special look
32:14
Speaker 1: into gender dynamics is that the men who describe awful
32:17
Speaker 1: scenarios truly don't believe they've done anything wrong. Sexism has
32:21
Speaker 1: fully lulled them into a sense of moral superiority that
32:25
Speaker 1: blinds them to their own explicitly terrible behavior. Yes, and
32:29
Speaker 1: a lot of these. When you read it like this
32:30
Speaker 1: has to be made up, She's told me this is
32:33
Speaker 1: made up because you really that blind to see it
32:36
Speaker 1: this way. Um. We had one where the woman was
32:40
Speaker 1: getting married, picked out a dress, his mother cut love
32:42
Speaker 1: and lost stuff. His mother didn't like it and picked
32:45
Speaker 1: out another one and asked her to get that one,
32:48
Speaker 1: and his excuses she doesn't have a daughter, and then uh,
32:54
Speaker 1: she said, no, this is my dress. I love it,
32:56
Speaker 1: and behind her back he took it and exchanged it
32:59
Speaker 1: for the one that his mother picked out. Oh. I
33:02
Speaker 1: couldn't figure out why she thought it was a big deal. Wow. Yeah,
33:07
Speaker 1: So here's another example outside of that one, uh from
33:10
Speaker 1: Salon could a poster named Away, performer on the popular
33:14
Speaker 1: am I the A A I t A subreddit, complained
33:18
Speaker 1: that his neighbor wouldn't cook dinner for him, which, by
33:20
Speaker 1: the way, I did with this. After explaining that he's
33:23
Speaker 1: a thirty one year old single guy who doesn't know
33:25
Speaker 1: how to cook. Away went on to write that he
33:27
Speaker 1: would has noticed that his neighbor, a woman named Katie,
33:30
Speaker 1: cooks frequently and quote, it always smells amazing. So I
33:33
Speaker 1: got the idea this is him, that I'd offered to
33:36
Speaker 1: give her some money each week to cook a little
33:38
Speaker 1: extra and bring it over to me, he continues. Unsurprisingly,
33:42
Speaker 1: Katie said no, but Away was undeterred, asking quote if
33:46
Speaker 1: she was sure, and upping the amount I was of
33:49
Speaker 1: offering until Katie realized the polite deferrals weren't getting the
33:53
Speaker 1: job that she said, I should get a housekeeper if
33:55
Speaker 1: that's what I want. I remember seeing this and it
33:57
Speaker 1: was hilarious that he kept a fit ending this What
34:02
Speaker 1: a thing to ask somebody asking once maybe be like, hey,
34:08
Speaker 1: can I pay you? Because it's awesome, But then to
34:11
Speaker 1: continue as if like that one one, No, she should
34:16
Speaker 1: have made it awkward and you should never want to
34:17
Speaker 1: see her again and you should hide. Yeah, exactly like
34:22
Speaker 1: never like trying to avoid her at all cost, never
34:25
Speaker 1: leave the house again. And the interesting thing about this one,
34:28
Speaker 1: This whole article from Salon was about specifically cooking and
34:33
Speaker 1: ideas men seem to have around women in cooking, and
34:36
Speaker 1: it included quotes from women on other subredits about how
34:39
Speaker 1: their boyfriends expect them to cook or gave up cooking
34:42
Speaker 1: after they got married, like perhaps they have cooked before
34:45
Speaker 1: marriage and then stopped after they got married. One redditor
34:50
Speaker 1: told his girlfriend, I honestly wouldn't mind having a housewife,
34:53
Speaker 1: and that she should do that because while because she
34:55
Speaker 1: is quote certainly not stupid, but isn't quite on my level.
35:01
Speaker 1: On top of that, many of these posts showcase that
35:03
Speaker 1: men expect women to cook from a young age, but
35:06
Speaker 1: to their standards and desires, so like, not what the
35:09
Speaker 1: woman who is cooking wants. They want you to cook,
35:13
Speaker 1: they want the men want you to cook what the
35:15
Speaker 1: men want, which I have witnessed before in my life. Um.
35:19
Speaker 1: The article also cited a study that found that married
35:22
Speaker 1: women do more domestic work than single women, despite the
35:26
Speaker 1: fact that they have a partner who, in theory, should
35:29
Speaker 1: be shouldering half the weight. And yes, even women with jobs,
35:32
Speaker 1: and even women who are the only ones in the
35:35
Speaker 1: relationship with jobs. Another quote from the article quote perhaps
35:40
Speaker 1: the most bone headed was the redditor who up top
35:44
Speaker 1: denies that he is a quote sexist asshole, but is
35:48
Speaker 1: mad because his wife, a stay at home mother of two,
35:50
Speaker 1: who did not think it romantic that he enrolled her
35:52
Speaker 1: in quote into a couple's cooking course with me as
35:55
Speaker 1: an anniversary present so she could quote learned to cook properly. No. Oh,
36:05
Speaker 1: there was also one about like bringing up them again,
36:08
Speaker 1: the mother bringing up his mother and she like, I
36:11
Speaker 1: like comparing in her nagging. Oh it was a whole thing.
36:13
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, here's another quote. One riditor who wrote in
36:18
Speaker 1: who was clearly excited to be engaged to a woman
36:20
Speaker 1: who loves to cook and cares a lot about help.
36:23
Speaker 1: So she makes a lot of stuff from scratch that
36:25
Speaker 1: we both eat and quote. Her place is super nice
36:28
Speaker 1: while his is oh mess. But when he swung by
36:32
Speaker 1: her place one day quote to take some leftovers from
36:35
Speaker 1: over lunches, he discovered, to his outrage, my girlfriend has
36:39
Speaker 1: a cleaning lady she never told me about. He unleashed
36:42
Speaker 1: in her, saying I felt portrayed because I always thought
36:44
Speaker 1: it was great that I was marrying someone super tidy
36:47
Speaker 1: to balance it out by which he means to clean
36:50
Speaker 1: up after him. And even though she tried to plaguate
36:53
Speaker 1: him by saying it frees up more time to cook
36:55
Speaker 1: stuff from scratch, he was furious that she hired someone
36:59
Speaker 1: to do something she could do herself. Luckily, the other
37:03
Speaker 1: editors called him out, saying, this sounds like you were
37:05
Speaker 1: getting married to get yourself a made no. Wow, yeah,
37:14
Speaker 1: wow wow wow wow, and yeah, as you said, from
37:17
Speaker 1: these articles I read about it, and all these instances
37:20
Speaker 1: were highlighting that had links and you could follow many
37:22
Speaker 1: of the comments. Do rightly call out these things. I
37:26
Speaker 1: will say, like I don't know if it's just the
37:30
Speaker 1: way it's set up or what. But the majority of
37:33
Speaker 1: the people who are voting and are commenting are those
37:37
Speaker 1: who were in support of typically the right, meaning whoever's
37:42
Speaker 1: obviously the ass You can kind of see it. There's
37:44
Speaker 1: son that's like, hmm, they could both be the asshole here,
37:47
Speaker 1: like communication issues or whatever what not. But for the
37:51
Speaker 1: most part, and again, like the things that are posted
37:54
Speaker 1: on Twitter are not always the things that are posted
37:56
Speaker 1: because they have tons of entries, by the way, tons
37:58
Speaker 1: and tons and tons. So it's good to see that, though,
38:00
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, because a lot of these like
38:02
Speaker 1: the minute you read it, your blood boils and you're
38:04
Speaker 1: ready to fight fight somebody all and all the means
38:08
Speaker 1: that come out of these and and gives. And then
38:13
Speaker 1: in a similar vein to all of this, here's a
38:15
Speaker 1: quote from a She Knows article. One riditor opened up
38:18
Speaker 1: about this process, sharing that her extremely hygienic more on
38:22
Speaker 1: that later partner was horrified by the period underwear she
38:25
Speaker 1: keeps on deck for when she's bleeding each month and
38:27
Speaker 1: insisted she throw them out. Quote. He came across one
38:32
Speaker 1: of my pairs of panties that I specifically only where
38:34
Speaker 1: during that time of the month. I am certain ladies
38:36
Speaker 1: will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than
38:39
Speaker 1: we do for when we aren't a k A. I
38:41
Speaker 1: have my ugly or maybe blood stained pairs for my
38:43
Speaker 1: period and my cute and well kempt ones for when
38:46
Speaker 1: I'm not in my period. Anyways, upon seeing these, he
38:49
Speaker 1: told me that I need to throw that pair away
38:51
Speaker 1: and that it's disgusting and unhygienic. He made quite a
38:55
Speaker 1: few comments about how gross they are, despite them being
38:58
Speaker 1: clean but just blood stain from a previous period spotting situation.
39:03
Speaker 1: She went on to say that when she tried to
39:05
Speaker 1: explain that these are cleaned if a little stained pairs
39:07
Speaker 1: that exist for the express reason of getting stained, think
39:10
Speaker 1: a T shirt you wear for painting the house or
39:11
Speaker 1: doing yardwork, he responded poorly and made her feel terrible.
39:15
Speaker 1: He also tried to claim that he was pretty sure
39:17
Speaker 1: other girls people with periods don't do that. Oh, he
39:21
Speaker 1: needs to be single forever, just to be single if
39:24
Speaker 1: you especially, you know, if you're dating women. I found
39:27
Speaker 1: it funny because there was another post similar to this,
39:30
Speaker 1: not exactly where she had gone on a first or
39:32
Speaker 1: second date. New dates. She had got on our period,
39:35
Speaker 1: so she needed a tampon. Uh, so she used you know,
39:39
Speaker 1: her applicator. She put it in. I believe she put
39:41
Speaker 1: it in her and wrapped it up. You know, if
39:44
Speaker 1: you've used the tampon, you know what I'm talking about,
39:45
Speaker 1: you put back in the wrapper and if you were embarrassed,
39:47
Speaker 1: you hide it because you try to do all the things,
39:49
Speaker 1: and then you to go in the trash can. Apparently
39:51
Speaker 1: the dude dug in his trash and found it and
39:53
Speaker 1: told her that she was not welcome and that she
39:55
Speaker 1: should not have put that in her in his trash can.
39:58
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And she was like what he was
40:01
Speaker 1: upset that she threw away in the trash gear, Oh
40:04
Speaker 1: my gosh. Properly. Also, he wouldn't dug through it. Yeah.
40:08
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of these are showcasing the
40:11
Speaker 1: stupidity of men. Well yeah, but also how much generalized
40:17
Speaker 1: statement men women are expected to hide, Like everything we're
40:22
Speaker 1: expected to hide, how much work it takes to do
40:25
Speaker 1: something We're expected to hide These totally normal body functions
40:30
Speaker 1: were expected to put up with your the dude's mom
40:36
Speaker 1: wanting this dress, and that means that you don't matter
40:40
Speaker 1: in this equation, even though it's your dress. Like I
40:43
Speaker 1: feel like there's so much stuff where it's like what
40:46
Speaker 1: you want doesn't matter and hide from me anything that
40:50
Speaker 1: I don't want to see, right, I mean, there's a
40:52
Speaker 1: lot that you're like, wow, you really thought this real life?
40:55
Speaker 1: Who really thinks that this is what happens? Like you
40:58
Speaker 1: really want the Disney version of a princess from the
41:02
Speaker 1: nineteen sixties. They've what it's I mean, just like a
41:06
Speaker 1: mom or a mate or exactly um based on these popes.
41:11
Speaker 1: That's just the vibe I'm getting, right, And I will say, like,
41:14
Speaker 1: it's not all like that. We've talked about of many things.
41:17
Speaker 1: I just read one about a man who wanted to
41:20
Speaker 1: make his own birthday cake. She got upset and there's
41:23
Speaker 1: this whole like in between line and she was absolutely
41:25
Speaker 1: in the wrong. But like there are other conversations that
41:29
Speaker 1: are had that you're like, okay, huge red flags. At
41:32
Speaker 1: least human decency seems to be central. And many of
41:36
Speaker 1: the followers and commenters, Yeah, that's good. That's I'm happy
41:41
Speaker 1: to hear that. And just to brief like wrapping up comments,
41:45
Speaker 1: because you know, we focused on a lot of the
41:47
Speaker 1: grim stuff. But you know, there's a lot of really
41:50
Speaker 1: great stuff about Reddit. It really is. And this misogyny
41:54
Speaker 1: that we have been talking about harms everyone, and and
41:56
Speaker 1: Reddit has in like cases like this perhaps showing a
41:59
Speaker 1: light on it. And it impacts how women and non
42:02
Speaker 1: binary folks interact or don't on this platform. Uh, it
42:06
Speaker 1: influences other offline behavior. But yeah, it is not all
42:10
Speaker 1: bad at all, right, And as in fact, when you
42:13
Speaker 1: read through some of the statistics, again the c is
42:15
Speaker 1: not great higher than other platforms. That's really disconcerning in itself,
42:19
Speaker 1: but a lot of it also has found homes for
42:22
Speaker 1: communities that are really, really genuinely great. We talked about
42:26
Speaker 1: the aunties helping people in the anti abortion things that
42:29
Speaker 1: are happening in the US UM and we've talked about
42:32
Speaker 1: that this is such a great idea. Again, a lot
42:34
Speaker 1: of these good intentions can be harmful, so you have
42:36
Speaker 1: to be careful with that. But a lot of these
42:39
Speaker 1: also come together, like with the voting things, they've had
42:42
Speaker 1: conversations about trying to link people in order to get
42:45
Speaker 1: the right access, the right communications. So red it is
42:48
Speaker 1: can be an amazing thing. Again, great dog videos, great
42:51
Speaker 1: contagious laughter videos, other things that I'm like, oh god,
42:54
Speaker 1: I'd never want to see that again and why, But yes,
42:58
Speaker 1: it's I feel like it does well. Maybe I'm wrong again,
43:01
Speaker 1: I'm not very good into um. I'm not very into
43:07
Speaker 1: Reddit in the platform in itself. I'm hovering around all
43:10
Speaker 1: around it, apparently at least outside of it. But you
43:13
Speaker 1: do see that the moderators who are they are seem
43:16
Speaker 1: to do a good job in making sure the community
43:18
Speaker 1: stays with it in its boundaries, so they will quickly
43:21
Speaker 1: take things off and or pause things or lock things down.
43:24
Speaker 1: I feel like they have better access to that than
43:26
Speaker 1: I've seen other uh social media platforms. Yeah, yeah, which
43:30
Speaker 1: has its pluses and minuses, but I think when it works,
43:32
Speaker 1: it's great. And also just there's some hilarious stuff that
43:35
Speaker 1: you could find very eccentric, eclectic stuff on Reddit. And
43:39
Speaker 1: I know, like we talked about in are being raised
43:43
Speaker 1: by a parent with narcissism, there's like a great Reddit
43:46
Speaker 1: source for that, and a lot of you have written
43:48
Speaker 1: in about that and how it helps you and you
43:49
Speaker 1: found community that way. And there are some great feminist
43:52
Speaker 1: subreddits um are slash Feminism are slash to chromosomes, which
43:57
Speaker 1: for bids transphobic or torque are slash. All women are
44:01
Speaker 1: slash Black ladies are slash Asian, two X are slash
44:05
Speaker 1: dose x, the Tina's are slash. Sex positive are slash
44:09
Speaker 1: ask feminist, and our slash radical queers. And I probably
44:12
Speaker 1: didn't have to say all the our slashes before those,
44:14
Speaker 1: but here I here I went often are suggested in
44:17
Speaker 1: thanks to Bitch media for that list, and it can
44:19
Speaker 1: be a great place to learn and connect and grow
44:21
Speaker 1: when it comes to intersectional feminism. And it's important because
44:25
Speaker 1: a lot of people get their news from the site,
44:27
Speaker 1: which we have to keep in mind, and it shapes
44:29
Speaker 1: Internet conversations and understanding the world, especially for younger folks.
44:33
Speaker 1: So there are these bad things, but there are these
44:35
Speaker 1: good things too, And I would love for anybody who
44:38
Speaker 1: uses reddit uh if you have any insights you would
44:42
Speaker 1: like to offer. If you're a mod uh, let us
44:44
Speaker 1: know if you have any favorite subreddits that we should
44:48
Speaker 1: check out or that you recommend, that would be great.
44:51
Speaker 1: I do really love Like when my friend Katie told
44:53
Speaker 1: me there was one about hating onions, I was just like,
44:56
Speaker 1: of course there is I love it. Of course, Um, yes,
45:01
Speaker 1: you can send us to us at our email, which
45:02
Speaker 1: is definitely a mom Stuff at I Hurt me to
45:04
Speaker 1: dot com. You find us on Twitter at mom Stuff
45:06
Speaker 1: podcast or on Instagram and Stuff one Never Told You.
45:08
Speaker 1: Thanks as always to our super producer Chris d You
45:10
Speaker 1: don't You, And thanks to you for listening Stuffinitely Never
45:14
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