Latest / Relatively Functional Dads / Episode 006 - Your Kids Aren’t Interruptions… They’re Invitations

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Episode 006 - Your Kids Aren’t Interruptions… They’re Invitations · Relatively Functional Dads

• The Boys And Audio: welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast for fathers doing their best and learning every day. We're just three relatives walking through faith, fatherhood, and real life together. That was me. ⁓ experts here, just honest conversations about the wins, the struggles, and the moments that shape us as men and dads. Some days we've got it together, other days we're just trying to get to bedtime, but we keep showing up. And if you're dad... ⁓ In the middle of it too, you're in the right place. Let's journey through this together. Audio: Welcome back to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast. Today we're going to be talking about interruptions and how we respond to them might matter more than we think. Noah the other day said he was putting his daughter down, reading a book, wanting a quiet minute, if I remember correctly, ⁓ and that his son just kept opening and closing the door, not causing trouble, just wanting to be near him, ⁓ and you were annoyed. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. Didn't blow up. Didn't respond badly but didn't lean in either which I think we can all relate to it. You missed it ⁓ Same here and I know I started thinking how many times Does he see his presence as an interruption when really it's an invitation? ⁓ So that's what we're gonna be talking about today ⁓ If you haven't already subscribe on YouTube, it's a great way that you can help us out Follow us on Instagram at relatively functional dads ⁓ What did you say the tick-tock was RFD? we have a TikTok, I don't know that that's actually come out just yet. Okay, cool. Nix all that, this is gonna be the redacted episode anyways. There will be one at some point. And for those of you that have been watching a couple of other episodes, you may notice that I am not Buddy. get the opportunity to be here because Buddy is prepping to go have another child. Tour three. Tour three, yeah. And so naturally we decided to invade his home because we are still in the Gozi household. It just happens to be that ⁓ brother Gozi is not present at the moment. So I'm subbing in for this episode and we'll see how it goes. So I beg your patience and just your times as I get to do this for the first time. is out from behind the camera showing his beautiful face. ⁓ Buddy is typically the grounded structure that we need to move from topic to topic. So today's episode might look a little bit different. We're not even sure if we're gonna post this one, might get redacted or switch to the members only section. But either way, we press on. We're gonna go to fun segments. Today we got Big Dad energy and should have known better. Did I, hold on before we dive into that, did I leave out anything? for subscribe. If you guys can comment, are trying to look for member engagement. So leave a comment, critique, tell us we're the worst. Tell us we're the best. Whatever you got, we'll take feedback, anything you can give us. Big dad energy. A moment that you're proud of this week as a dad. Yeah. the less detailed one in. Amen. Same. Mike and Louise raised some some strong women are in loss. It's it's pretty awesome. And a lot of times I get to lean on Jordan. for a lot of those details, but I'm growing, you know. Sure. Much like faith is a journey of sanctification, journey of parenthood is a journey to be better at logistics. And that goes for both of us, not just for Jordan. So you're leaning into that. I'm leaning into that. I'm resisting it. I'm just kidding. Sorry, go ahead. So this weekend, Jordan was coordinating a wedding and. She loves that kind of stuff. Like I said, detail person. She loves the schedule and gets to put that together and loves getting to problem solve and she's sure. Yeah. But the the opportunity she had was to go and be the day of coordinator for a family friend's wedding. They didn't ask you. No, you know, I threw my name in the ring and for whatever reason got beat out. They chose my bride. OK, good stuff. So that leaves me with the two kiddos, Mason and Campbell. And I also need to go to this wedding because while Jordan is being the the Mastermind behind it all I get to be the hands that get to go and make stuff happen and also just get to be a gopher for when she says go here do this I get to go and awesome go and do it. So I Then was at home with the kiddos, but then still needed to get out to the wedding So Mike and Louise came over to the house Mike and Louise being our in-laws the lovely Frasier parents yes, and they came to watch Campbell and Mason while I went out to the wedding to help and Jordan had kind of a rough rough structure, outline for the things that needed to happen. But basically was like, can you please communicate all the details to mom and dad? And I said, okay, this is an opportunity. We're not going to talk about how many opportunities I have had to do this. not quite got it. I understand. But this was another opportunity for me to get to do it. And so I was able to list out all the things that we needed, all the all the timing for the naps and the feedings and The bedtime routine what was available for dinner set out the things so the my gonna we didn't have to go through and find the things that they needed to make dinner sure and as much as it was a a fatherhood thing to Do the logistics because as dads know The moment you become a dad everything becomes how well can you plan and pack? For your for your life that seems get out the door get back to the house. Yes and So this was an opportunity for me to get better at that and at the same time to love my wife well because Jordan is a quality time person. But at the same time, it's also a, you think about, did you think about me? Did you think about the things that were important to me? Our kids are important to both of us. So it was an opportunity to love her. as well as be a good dad. And she, again, I was not working with a clean slate, so she got to put the training wheels on it, but I felt really happy that I feel like I covered all the bases that were needed to make sure that my kids were taken care of well. And let's be honest, it truly was a safety net thing because if I told mom and dad, if I told them nothing, they would have still been fine. I mean, they're like the Navy SEALs of operating for childcare. It is true. they're ready for anything. is so true. ⁓ But I was able to get all long story short, I was able to get all of those details down and communicate them effectively with mom when she came over. And yeah, I just I left that going. I feel good about leaving this house and going over to the wedding and not feeling like I'd forgotten anything, which It had been a while since I've left the house and felt like I haven't forgotten anything. and I have had many a discussion of our forgetfulness. So, hey, that's baller. I'm so happy that they left the two clinically diagnosed as well as unclinically diagnosed ADHD people in charge of this podcast. That's that's correct. Which again, redacted potentially the redacted episode, the long lost the the Dead Sea Scrolls of relatively functional dads. Maybe somebody will find it later. So talk to me, what was your big dad energy? You know, was like proud as a dad, but of what my son is doing, which I've had a lot of these recently, because the first year is just so much development and stuff like that. But my son found his monitor ⁓ or monitors, I should say. So we have like little monitors that set up on the crib ⁓ to let us know if he's freaking out in the middle or I guess. It's really just to wake me up in the middle of the night. That's the full, the entire function. Yes, ⁓ she absolutely will. Much lighter sleeper than I am, but the monitor sits right next to my head so that I will actually wake up whenever he starts crying. But either way, ⁓ we put him down. He's exhausted when we're putting him into the crib and then he is like... ⁓ I don't know, it's like his crib is Chuck E. Cheese or something like that. He gets so excited once you lay him down in the crib. He's like moving his hand against his eyes or rubbing his eyes, yawning, passing out on your shoulder. And then I set him down and he's learning to pull himself up on things. It's party time. So he notices the monitor and we noticed him kind of looking at it. And I'm like, he's too young. He doesn't understand what it is. Cause it doesn't really have any light. Yeah. And I guess I monitor, mean the camera itself. So I was thinking you were talking about the actual monitor itself, but no, the cameras. Yes. Yep. And so he was looking right at it. And like I said, he's learned to pull himself up. So he's just standing there, like holding onto the ledge, looking at it. And he hadn't, he's never moved before when standing, even with like a ledge or anything like that. He's just. Yes, he's never like shuffled while holding on to things and He made it all the way because he was in kind of the opposite side He shuffled all the way around so that he could knock his monitor clean off of the thing and I Off of the crib and I thought to myself we have a winner. He's gonna be he's gonna be something He's got he's got the brains and the brawn to get himself all the way over there That's correct. That's right. Went over there and made sure and got he accomplished the mission. So as annoying as that was, and we've had to move both the cameras, ⁓ I was I was proud of him for figuring out how to get to ⁓ to the thing that he was trying to get to. So and then aside from that, he's been eating like a horse actual foods. He and we're trying to teach him sign language. And he's we've been. trying for like a week. we're not worried, but we're like more. And he just pounds both fists and screams and it's like, give me more meat. What are you saying that when like you try to do it, he's just like desperately trying to. If you've ever done a reverse fly before on a machine with resistance, it's like I go to force his hands together to do the more so we can give him food. Like ⁓ not a one for one on Pavlov's experiment, but pretty, but somewhat in the same realm. And I grab him and he's like, trying to move his arms out. So that's been an experience. But yeah, that was my big dad energy. ⁓ Other one we've got for today on fun segments is should have known better. Any, anything you got there? Not you. I ⁓ you're dialed in. I mean, come on. I need no help during my week. Should have known better is for Buddy and Reese. Because we're potty training my son. Yes, so I've witnessed this dude. He'll tell us I go poop soon and then we're just we have to watch him like a hawk because if we don't he will just poop his pants. But if we're watching him, he just won't. He's like, I got to hold this in. And he acts like he gives us all the signs that he needs to poop. but then he doesn't, holds it in for the next three hours. So when we normally would be okay to just let him go play, we have to watch him and monitor it. And I need to sit there and stare at him for the entire time, which again, I need to be clear is not a bad thing and that will kind of function in fact, we're talking about today, but like for three hours, it's either Jordan or I that are just right next to taxing so that he doesn't, so that he doesn't poop his pants. And Truly we call him poop standoffs because they've gone on for hours sure and He has figured out pretty much the pee thing pretty well nice and so If he's not saying he has to poop I feel pretty confident that he will tell us when he needs to pee and we will we'll just go pee And it'll be fine. He can hold it reasonably well You know what they say when you assume Yeah, go ahead So it's it's one of those where like I'm so focused on the bigger issue that I'm forgetting that he still is potty training and he's not perfect in this. And so the other night he was, he was thirsty and he had, he had had a little bit of water with dinner, but not as much as. Not as much as he has had previously and been fine. Sure. Now, granted, most potty training things will say, hey, at dinner, I say most the ones that we read and went through. I understand. We're saying, hey, maybe at dinner, just like give them a little bit of water and then and then you're done so that you're not just like peeing. Sure. Throughout the evening. I. just basically forgot all of that and was like, ⁓ yeah, let me go fill your cup of water all the way to the top. And you asked for water. So I'm going to give it to you. And then I'm going about doing something else and I come back over like a minute later and he has drunk the entire thing. Okay. And your host literally. Yeah. Yeah. He all of sudden starts kind of doing his dance and then, and then he starts peeing his pants, which has not. It doesn't, we haven't really had many accidents in the past little while. And I was like, ah, that one's not on him. That's a, that's that's thing. Yeah. So it was in that in-between period of like, we were going to have him go right before bed, like normal, but it just, I missed it. And so, Yeah. So that was mine. I love it. And you know, it's tough because you just want to keep your son hydrated, but there's, there's costs to this, to this game. He becomes a different person. like truly a completely different personality. Whenever he has to poop or he has to pee, he gets whiny, he gets sensitive, like far more sensitive. Like he drops something and starts crying. Same here. I mean, this is how I am when I need to go pee. It's true. So it's hysterical. The moment you like, we can tell when he has to go to the bathroom because he just becomes a different, a different kid. Yeah. Your son is very well behaved for a For the age that he is ⁓ so whenever he it's out of character for him to be whiny and complaining at least when I'm around him Yeah, well he knows Uncle Reese is over that's right best behavior otherwise No, I'm just kidding ⁓ My should have known better we got a lawnmower Okay, yes, and we shouldn't done that no, I'm just kidding Yeah, everyone who has known me for a long time is like ⁓ They finally got him. He's doing menial, boring, mundane tasks. I was redundant because of how awful it is. ⁓ But we got a lawnmower. ⁓ It actually, it wasn't that bad. I really enjoyed going out and mowing the yard the other day. I forgot, and I finally realized why dads love mowing the yard. It's because you just throw in your podcast and you don't have to deal with screaming children. ⁓ When I was young, I was like, why would anyone want to mow the yard? It's like vacuuming but more. ⁓ But it's outside, you throw your headset on or your earbuds and you listen to something that you enjoy. I listened to something about personal training and it was great. ⁓ But I have not used a lawnmower in... 10 to 15 years. Now, in your defense, you also have not lived in a place where there was a yard that was even like, partially your responsibility for while. I've mainly lived in apartments for a while now, so the yard was not my responsibility. But even when it was, ⁓ it was not what, it was not up to most people's standards for what a yard should look like. But that wasn't the case this time. The yard looks great, ⁓ The yard looks great, ⁓ I mowed the whole yard. I had the bag on. okay, you did have, you did bag it. I did. Yeah, I bagged it, finished it, and there were grass clippings absolutely everywhere. And so I went into the garage with the mower and I set it down and I thought to myself, well, I mowed the whole yard. I had the bag on. okay, you did have, you did bag it. I did. Yeah, I bagged it, finished it, and there were grass clippings absolutely everywhere. And so I went into the garage with the mower and I set it down and I thought to myself, well, Something must be wrong with the mower. So wait, did you empty the bag at all during, like, like while mowing, did you take the bag off, empty it, and then put it back on at any, okay. I did not. I wasn't even smart enough to have gotten any clippings in the bag. Wait, how? I pulled the bag off, there are no clippings, and my neighbor across the street, uh, who's this really dope guy named Gerald, walks over. Something must be wrong with the mower. So wait, did you empty the bag at all during, like, like while mowing, did you take the bag off, empty it, and then put it back on at any, okay. I did not. I wasn't even smart enough to have gotten any clippings in the bag. Wait, how? I pulled the bag off, there are no clippings, and my neighbor across the street, uh, who's this really dope guy named Gerald, walks over. ⁓ Super cool guy walks over and says hey man, I bought him or his cousin who lives down the street Brother who lives down the street. Just got the same mower and I just did exactly what you did and I was like Tell me what I did wrong and he walks up Takes the little part where the bag connects and he just pulls it off I left whatever blocks the grass from getting into the bag Right there ⁓ and you know, it was like ⁓ Super cool guy walks over and says hey man, I bought him or his cousin who lives down the street Brother who lives down the street. Just got the same mower and I just did exactly what you did and I was like Tell me what I did wrong and he walks up Takes the little part where the bag connects and he just pulls it off I left whatever blocks the grass from getting into the bag Right there ⁓ and you know, it was like classic guy syndrome. read no instructions, no directions. classic guy syndrome. read no instructions, no directions. I went out and muttered ⁓ profane things having to mow ⁓ and ⁓ was like, I don't need directions to figure out. ⁓ So some of us learned the hard way then some of us learned the hardest way. ⁓ So went ahead and just went over the whole yard again with the mower ⁓ to get all the grass clippings. ⁓ So was my, should have known better. And this is why we because one of us reads the rules and then the other one just goes full bore. Noah's shirt says, read the rules so you don't have to. It is true. Unfortunately, I did not call him. I love board games. And this shirt is sponsored by Reese. yeah, that's hysterical. I'm so sorry. So thankfully you hopefully learned that lesson once. Yes, that's my hope as well. And I think it will because I noticed immediately, that's the other thing about me, I noticed immediately that the grass clippings were there and I just chose to do nothing about it. I was like, well, it'll either work eventually or it's broken. Those are the only two options. It couldn't possibly be something that I have done incorrectly. Narcissist that I am. ⁓ But ⁓ after the 20 minute intro, ⁓ what are we talking about? What you want to open up? I have just a personal question for you. Please. Did you also get a weed whacker? We got no weed whacker. I'm more of a tilt the lawnmower sideways type of person. ⁓ No, I'm just kidding. We will end up getting one. Buying a house, they should really tell you to have like an extra one million dollars after you're done buying it to pay for all the extra cricketers that you need. So slowly but surely. Anyway, so sorry. Derailing. But it's going to happen again. Where we wanted to get to is Buddy decided to leave us unsupervised with the topic for this week Noah was put in charge after my idea suggestions for the episode this week And those are definitely going to hide behind paywall And hide behind paywall and our wives discretion which will never be given so none of you will get to hear about those regardless I'm gonna make a personal channel ⁓ man We were given kind of a buddy, his phenomena. with some of the topics and we get to just kind of be a part of them and get to contribute. So Reese and I were given the opportunity to kind of come up with one and that's that's not giving Reese enough credit. He actually came up with our episode three entitlement. I can't get no respect. And this this topic actually kind of feeds into that. So if you haven't listened to that episode, please go give it a listen. It's it's wonderful. And I left that episode. I get to sit here in the room and hear it. And I left just in silence thinking and sad. regardless, what came up was I was putting Campbell down to go to bed. I was rocking her. One of the things that I have enjoyed with both of our children is just getting to hold them and rock them to sleep. It's one of my favorite things. there's just a piece about it. And then there also is separately. thing where I get to like I sit there and I read something as they are falling asleep and I and I greatly enjoy that getting to be in such close proximity with my children while also getting to read and kind of have a moment of quiet doing something you love yes and so I am doing that Jordan is working in it was kind of an appointment that came up on it someone unexpected unexpectedly and we weren't able to get child care so I was watching the kids and So I was rocking her and Mason was out playing in our living room and he then, while I was doing that, came in and was opening the door and closing the door and saying, hi Dada, hi Camel, okay bye bye Dada and just like closing the door and then opening it 30 seconds later and at one point I'm like, I love to see you. Please go sit on the couch and go play while I put Campbell down because Campbell needs to sleep. And he said, okay, dad, and then close the door and he was like, okay, dad, I go close door now and then close the door and then went back to play on the couch. And he did a great job after that. But I then went back to reading, but had to stop in that moment. And I was like, This isn't this isn't going to be something that I get to have forever. This is a small window in time and I just I was convicted of this is my son and I get to spend time with him and was it really about Campbell? She wasn't yet quite asleep yet. She was going to be just fine. Really, really at the end of the day, she would have been just fine. I could just put her in the crib at this point. I can put her in the crib. She will be fine. I am selfishly wanting to hold on to that rocking her sleep, but I also am selfishly wanting to hold on to just like having a moment. Yeah, which having moment isn't a bad thing, but it was more often. But it came back to that entitlement thing of I. I'm just gonna take a second. I've been watching these two kiddos. I'm gonna put Campbell down. I'm gonna take a second and breathe. And that's where I was kind of coming back to this entitlement thing of I felt like I deserved this for just a couple of minutes. ⁓ But it was an opportunity to show Mason that I loved him. ⁓ And so it wasn't just about... It wasn't just about Campbell's sleeping. was about where I was. And so I was connected to think about this and kind of have this be the topic that I wanted to talk with you is how do we do with interruptions? Because I do poorly and... Dog water over here, my friend. It's bad. It's not great. So what I wanted to kind of check in with you about was ⁓ whenever you have been interrupted, is there like a check of like, But I was doing something. I wanted to be doing this thing. Have you had those moments and then had a second where you go, I probably could have handled that differently. All the time. Literally all the time. Yeah, the number of times that I have been, in my mind, interrupted as if I have a claim on whatever the time is. And by the way, whenever we talk about being not making what we would have deemed like a, I'm not even gonna call it the right decision, but just like the, you think it would have been awesome if you had chosen to just like engage Mason rather than tell him to go somewhere else. It's not to be like out of. you should never have time for yourself or you should never get this or you should never get that. ⁓ It's more just like that mindset of I am owed this. I'm really not owed anything. I'm not owed anything. ⁓ Although I like to believe that I am all the time, but goodness gracious. ⁓ So yes, I have interruptions all the time, whether it could be a work interruption. You and I have talked about this many times, but. I like to hyper focus and fixate on things. Some of them are extremely amazing for my life. They're super productive. They're going to help our family. Other things, not so much. ⁓ I probably played this winter 300 plus hours of Minecraft. And you know what? There were edifying parts of that. So I'm not, ⁓ I'm not going to bash video games. will not disparage video games on this channel. No sir. Yeah, not, not while buddies. We have to take our advantage of this week. Otherwise I'd be getting pummeled right now. ⁓ But there are just some things, they're on a spectrum. Some things are more productive and helpful for your life and family. Some things are less so. My brain does not differentiate the two. Love to hyper-focus. And when I'm hyper-focused on something... ⁓ If you've ever seen like a surprised cat hiss or like freak out and like all of its hair stands on end, that's what it's like when someone interrupts me while I'm doing something I enjoy doing ⁓ or that I am hyperfixated on. So. ⁓ you asked me if there was ways that I could have handled things better. I mean, the number of times that I have been short with people who have interrupted me and thought to myself later, you know, I had a real opportunity to engage that person in a way that would have made them feel ⁓ not only loved, but just kind of valued. Me being short with people, you know real quick that I don't value the fact that you came up to talk to me. I actually see you as a nuisance. ⁓ And even if I don't deeply think that, I put the vibe off in the moment pretty quickly, because if you have any number of conversations with me, you're like, this long-winded fool just loves hearing himself talk, or maybe I'll listen for a really long time but like engage you. So when I'm short with people, they know right off the bat I'm irritating him. ⁓ So, ⁓ that's what I wrote down. Anything on your mind? the extension to this was I... through a series of circumstances with work have come to the place where I am working from home pretty much exclusively at this point. I know that post COVID there have been a lot of dads that that has been the shift for them. Not everyone does, but a large portion of people do. And so I was taking this and I was thinking about it, not just in Mason was coming in while Campbell was needing to be put to sleep. was... I'm working upstairs and when he gets up from a nap, one of the first things he does is he wants to come in and say hi. And sometimes when they're just playing in the morning or in the afternoon, Jordan brings the kids up and we'll just play up in kind of the landing area that's right next to the office slash guest bedroom. And he'll at some point in time want to come in and... and work with me, which is sit on my lap and pound on the keyboard and it's the best. But there are a lot of times I was thinking about where I am, like he comes in and I'm like, I give him a hug and then try as quickly as I can to kind of shuffle him back out the door. And I have nothing urgent at that point in time. Now, that's not to say that there isn't. And I want to make the distinction here is that it's, I'm not saying that we always need to. forsake the thing that we are doing to interact with our kids. But I do want to be clear that we need discernment in the way that we talk about that and we think about it because there have been times where I've been on a meeting where I need to close my door and if Mason comes in while I'm on a meeting for whatever reason, I need to kind of turn him back around and send him back out. But that's not all the time. More often than not, I am not on a meeting. I am not on, there's a deadline in 15 minutes that I need to handle. but I'm sitting here and I'm shuffling him back out the door as soon as I can. He is not going to come into my office and want to give me a hug soon. And I try not to think about that because I start to cry a little bit and I also have a hard time with moving on and change. have really hard time. amen. like, we'll watch a movie and if there's like at the end of the movie a flashback sequence to the beginning of the movie and it's heartfelt in any kind of way, I get choked up, it's not helpful at all. And so. I don't often like to think about the fact that he is not going to be the age that he is and have the like the just sheer amount of expressive love for me. will he Lord willing will love me until the end of my days. ⁓ But he's not going to want to just randomly run up and want to sit on my lap and just be with me. And so I was I was struck by that as an extension on to when I first had this thought of We get we get opportunities and again, we are speaking from I'm speaking from the perspective of having toddlers And you you're about to get to that point in time Gozy is in that is in that place and is about to have round three that will grow up and do that as well Yes, sir And so this will look again look different for people with high school age kids and middle school kids and but they a lot of times there will be interruptions and it'll look a different way and so The thing that I was thinking about is How do I determine is this actually urgent and how do I engage with him to let him know that he is loved and we'll cover that in a second. Sure. I had some thoughts on on kind of what our actions are telling him in conversation with Buddy, but in your you aren't working from home. But what is it? What does it look like for you to evaluate the things that you're doing and evaluate whether or not something is urgent needs to be done now versus not and then engage with those interruptions, whether it be Ellie or whether it be Roman who is just screaming and you're like I need to go low on him. What does that look like for you? Yeah, I thought about this for a little bit and I wrote down a couple of like examples of what interruptions in my life look like Two of them two of the three are Roman crying one of them is one of them is instead of entertaining himself and then because he's finally gotten the best thing about kids is that you just recalibrate your expectations on the fly because they change all the time. so. Not that you do recalibrate, you have to whether you it not. Yes, and sometimes it's right and sometimes it's terrible. So like we've talked about this a little bit. ⁓ The other Roman crying example is in the middle of the night. So sometimes during the day, sometimes in the middle of the night. He doesn't do it often, but when I say recalibrate your expectations, Roman used to cry every night for a few months. not in a abnormal way, but in the way that just normal three month, zero to three month old babies do. Well, my expectation was that he was gonna do that every night. So I dealt with it with as much peace as the expected outcome was going to have. So I went to bed thinking, I'll be up in a few hours to be with Roman and that's okay. Now he does it and I'm like, what sort of sick twisted prank is he pulling over there? We went through this, we're done with this. We're not crying in the middle of the night anymore. We did our time. Go back to sleep. ⁓ As far as like the figuring out when, or like when is something urgent, when is it okay to stick with what you're doing, or like when is the time to say, hey, I'm in the middle of something. I think a lot of it's just like how you present it. ⁓ Or maybe not just how you present it, but like taking a second to just think about. Am I saying that I need a second because I actually have to do this? Or am I saying I need a second just because I don't feel like dealing with this right now? I have this come up all the time. I don't like that question. Okay. I work in a place with it. I work at a gym that has an open door policy. So like people don't have to set appointments with me. They can just walk in and demand my time. someone, and by the way, please do, anybody in the Carmel, Indiana area that wants to meet with me about personal training, we can get you right. But either way, I might be right in middle of something and somebody just walks in and you have no idea what they're gonna be there for, because very rarely is it someone walking in saying, hey, I'm looking for a personal trainer, which is how I make most of my money. It might be somebody walking in like, hey, can I get some information about this, this, and this? And from a business perspective, It is always good that someone comes in and asks that question. But from a my ADHD hyper fixation perspective, I'm like, I was right in the middle of getting something done that isn't easy for me to begin with, something mundane most likely, but something that I'm getting done through the day. So I think a lot of the times it just depends on how you present it and taking the time. A lot of times you can figure out your motivation by just pausing rather than just giving your gut response. So if the opportunity affords itself. I would say for me, it's taking a pause and saying, ⁓ when I have a client, I don't meet with people. So that would be my distinguisher. The gut reaction could be like, hey, you gotta make an appointment. You can't just walk in here while I'm training people, even though that's not exactly true, but just to get them out of my face whenever someone walks in and I'm training somebody. I can know that, hey, this person's paid for my time. This is the type of situation. You kinda just need to set your parameters beforehand. That would be a specific situation for me. Anything that comes to mind for you? Well, I'm gonna put you on a hot seat, please because you because you're your kid situation just looks a little different it is I Am saying this more so because I have not done a great job of it in thinking through with Jordan How has that been for Ali like when you are doing something that you might enjoy? Because you've never had yourself be interrupted by Ellie to go get water in the water bottle. Never. That doesn't happen. But I'm curious when when your wife is asking you to do something that is either interrupting or she's wanting a conversation, how how do you handle that when it is when it is an interruption? How have you done that? It's a great question. I'm trying to figure out how I can lie to these people and make myself seem great. No. I'll kick you two scenarios and kind of explain my responses. I would say that her asking me to do something now that I have kids, I think one of the reasons why we're even talking about this is that free time is at an all time minimum. Something that I have valued more than gold since I was a young, since I was a youngin. So. ⁓ My time, free time specifically, to pursue hobbies, interests, go down the YouTube rabbit hole of any number of fun topics that I enjoy, heck, read a book, whatever, video games, sports, you name it, is at an all-time low. So when I get that time, it's like, like I said, the hissing cat. Like, don't bother me. Which by the way, if you just set up and communicate with your spouse, this goes a lot better than just... Assuming that it's okay for you to why are you bothering me? I'm doing this They don't know that you're doing that. You just sat down and started doing it. So One scenario when Ellie asked me to do stuff. I'm a lot better at it because I've realized it's a weak spot for me Not flawless there are times where she asked me to do stuff where I Just don't assume the best. I'm like, I'm like do you it's been a it's been a 12-hour day and then two hours afterwards feeding our son with her, like food at the dinner table. ⁓ So not just me, but taking care of our son, we just got him down and then we prepped for tomorrow for about 45 minutes and we just sat down. Where is the social awareness to realize that this is not the time to ask for something? ⁓ But that being said, I noticed that that's when I get, I throw my little temper tantrums, my adult temper tantrums. So I'm much better at that one. The talking about problem solving is the one that I have noticed recently. I don't, I'm not ready to solve problems. I am not open to solving problems on the spur of a moment. So I would say that's the one that gets me into more trouble and the one that I end up thinking back ⁓ later that night or the following day. I'm like, ⁓ I didn't really like love Ellie very well in how I responded to that. Made it seem like her bringing it up was. ⁓ more of a burden, maybe even made her feel like her herself was, she herself was a burden. ⁓ So ⁓ that's one I'm attacking and trying to work on. Trying also to just kind of give it to God and I love to just white-knuckle things until I'm blue in the face and then eventually have an emotional collapse where I'm like, hey God, I'm back. Tried to do it by myself again with love. I'm tapping you in, would love for you to go ahead and lend me a helping hand. So, I don't know if I even answered your question. No, you did, and it's one of those. You don't yet have toddlers running in to kind of interrupt. But at the same time, when we were talking, when I mentioned at the beginning that being becoming a parent is all about logistics, I have seen it also in the logistics of you have to plan. You also for us to be able to do any of these things where free time is at a minimum. Like the fact that I have to schedule free time of like having a conversation with Jordan to be like, hey, This is something I would really like to do. can, I'd like to see if we can carve out some time for this. Now, granted, I always want more time than what, would be six hour uninterrupted to do something totally unproductive. This is the woman that you love. She loves you dearly and very much for you to be able to enjoy that. She wants me to be able to enjoy things, but that shouldn't come at the cost of at least seeming like we are not caring for our family. And I'm saying that from personal experience where I have been communicated that in as many words because I have sat down to do something that I wanted to do without having a conversation with Jordan and there were things that totally fine if we didn't do them at that moment, but because I didn't show that I was thinking about that or caring about that, Jordan felt like she had to take that on herself. then it is a... Like she feels like she has to interrupt me because she has to make sure that I eat and thought about those things. And I was about to lose the part of like we were talking about interruptions and we were getting off on this. You're fine. I understand. But I get it. I get it. And I feel the exact same thing of conversations and speaking and forward thinking is important, even though it does not come naturally to you or I, or I feel like a lot of them, there are a lot of men that are very good at thinking forward and thinking about what is coming up for their family, for their kids, for what they even want to do and planning that well and having those conversations. They're the worst. They make me look bad. I'm like, stupid husband that hasn't figured out how to think ahead. You and I have had this conversation. I'm like, but my muscles. The amount of times that you and I and Buddy go, really, Mike? Why did you have to be good? Mike Frasure is a astounding father. In a league of his own. We have all reaped the benefits of wonderful daughters that he and Louise have raised. But man, he set a really good example of what it means to be a father and a dad. And he's not perfect. He's not perfect. But he's pretty awesome. Go ahead. Ellie has come up to me on maybe like two or three occasions and just been like, hey, I mean this in like the most loving way possible. It's not that this is right, but my dad just used to do this a certain way, which is her way of saying, so much better than you. And so it's just, I'm trying to figure out what it's like to live with you instead of my dad. I was like, I need so much help. So Mike, you're the goat. Louise, we just don't compare ourselves to you specifically because we're men ⁓ and it makes more sense to relate to the father figure. You're an amazing mom ⁓ and also set the bar extremely high and we fall short of it all the time, but we're working on it day after day without guilt or shame. Absolutely. No, not at all. I don't know where we're at. Yeah. So where the another piece to this of being interrupted and and wanting to respond to that well is how the kids will kind of receive that. ⁓ And I was talking with Buddy at one point of, actually no, was talking with guy at church actually yesterday. ⁓ As our kids get older, they're just seeing us. They're just watching, taking everything in and observing how we act. The I was I was thinking about this and just the we can have conversations with our wives and our friends and the people around us to explain what's going on in our head. Because a there's a quote that I read. I think I said this quote to you in a book about note taking, which I have been flamed for. A book about note taking. Buddy and Reese. But regardless, there's a there's a quote in there that's from Richard Feynman, which is the easiest person to fool is yourself. And it's it's not. I hate that. It's not. That's not the. actual quote but the principle is not to fool yourself and the easiest person to fool is you. I feel that. And he's talking about knowledge and like just because you read something or reread it doesn't mean you actually understand it. That's the context for it but it hit me of we are able to fool ourselves very easily we are able to have conversations with our friends and our family and explain kind of where we are at even if our actions don't entirely line up. With where we say we want to be or what we're working toward we can explain. This is what we're working toward When our kids are small and even as they get older we can have some of those conversations, but They're just seeing our actions. Yeah, we can't necessarily explain like ⁓ I responded poorly in this situation But that's not actually here's why yeah, here's what was going through my head My mason my two and a half year old is just going to see ⁓ I was shuffled out of this room. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to play with me. Yeah. It's again, not going to happen every time. Sure. But they are just going to see what we do. Because in my head, think I know exactly what I was thinking. And there was also this quote that I think of is like, we judge everyone by their their worst actions and us by our greatest intentions. Yeah. And I know what I was thinking like, ⁓ I have to go do this work thing or I'm trying to put Campbell down. I'm I'm there's a good reason for why I'm doing this. But it doesn't matter to a child. He didn't know. And so I was struck by that of. My actions at this moment are the way that I show love to Mason. There are other things I can do to provide and give security for, but the way that I'm showing love right now is the actions that I do, the time that I spend with him. I need to be okay to be interrupted by him. And love him and show him that he is more important. in just about every scenario than the thing that I am doing at that moment. ⁓ And I can explain, like I have explained to him, sometimes Dada has meetings. so he'll walk in and he'll go, are your friends on TV? And so like he's looking at my computer monitor and there were people talking to me like, ⁓ Dada has friends. Dada working. That's awesome. on a meeting. So like I can explain to a degree that, but all he's gonna know is, he asks now and it is the most wonderful and awful thing. He's like, Dada, you want to play with me? And it's, it's just the best. But I want him to know that I want to. And there are a lot of times that I am focused on something else and frankly at that moment I don't want to. But on a deep level, yes, he was my son. I want to play with him. I want to love on him. And he's only gonna get that from my actions. So that was what was kinda coming through here. There was a book that we were that we that I was reading that buddy has mentioned before the habits of the household and Justin Whitmiller early talks a lot about intentionally playing with your kids and First just like stimulating their imagination talking through the way that the Lord works through that and the beauty that he has there but Also, intentionally play with your kids. Engage with them. Show them you love them. Engage in the worlds that they are building in their minds. Stimulate that and provoke them to think as well as enjoy the world that's around them. That's awesome. And I can't do that very well when I am A, like on my phone trying to either text someone or play a game and Mason is wanting to play with me and I'm not wanting to do that because I just want to do the thing that I want to do. And and also just choosing to either like avoid a situation where he even sees me and so I can be out of sight out of mind and do the thing that I want to do. Anyway, I'm I'm rambling at this point. You're fine. But ⁓ what is what does it look like to you to? You've kind of spoken to it for Ellie, but what does it look like to you even right now ⁓ with a young Roman to love him even when like you are trying to do something and he is flopping around and you know he's about to just go somewhere or get angry or something and you can stop it by going and sitting on the floor with him. What does that look like to you? Yeah, it's kind of like what you just said. There's really not a whole lot that's more important than that. So just putting things in perspective. I, ⁓ I think sometimes this gets joked about that, ⁓ you know, it's just very common for men to be logical or to be like logic-based thinkers, which might not even be true, but it's a stereotype that goes around. I think men are also very emotive and I can be one of them, but I logic things to death. So whenever I can just take time beforehand to just think, all right, let's make a list of what's more important than like giving my son quality time. Just little to no things that get There's some, there's a couple, or things that you could put on the same level, almost nothing that makes it on that list. So having that in my head, almost like how you ⁓ memorize scripture, just having something in my head that when the next moment comes up where he cries, because again, ⁓ on Tuesdays I stay home with him and I try and get stuff done. ⁓ And so I'll put him in his little play set ⁓ where he can't crawl out of it and he just plays with his toys. And then eventually he's done playing with his toys and he starts crying. Well, I might be right in the middle of something and I... The thing that's hard about this kind of stuff is there's good intention in it. Part of the reason I don't like to be interrupted whenever I'm doing things that are productive is that ⁓ productivity with things that are boring, which is most of life I've come to find, not, sorry, not most of life. Most of the things that I need in order to pay a mortgage, keep... myself from being run down by the homeowners association, have my wife love, like me, not love, she loves me unconditionally. Like is more of fluid term around the house. But to have all of these things kind of mesh together, there's just a lot of boring stuff that my brain, when it's ready to rock and roll with it, I strike. I'm like, holy smokes, I feel up. for unloading the dishwasher right now. Doesn't happen often, but every now and again my brain's like. But you have had that thought before? Not looking forward to it, up for it. Most of the time it's we're not really interested in getting up from the chair that we're in, let alone going over and doing something that's even more boring. yeah. ⁓ large barriers to entry with productive tasks. So my heart behind it sometimes is a mixture of good intention. want to, because the more productive I am, the less Ellie needs to do. ⁓ And Ellie takes the brunt of a lot of stuff around our house that's boring and mundane because I struggle to keep up with it. And two, ⁓ she just, she likes the house a certain way. Way more than I care about like the house being a certain way. So if I don't do it, it's gonna end up falling on her and she already does a ton with, believe it or not, I'm not the one breastfeeding Roman or like doing all of that stuff. So she's got a lot on her plate. She drives him to all of the people who have blessed us with childcare, before work, she works full time. So she's a rock star out there. So again, sometimes my motive is that I need to get this stuff done so that she has less to do and it's a blessing for her. But when my son's crying and stuff like that, yeah, I've chosen, I've made the... what I would deem as like the edifying decision, the long term, I've played the long game where I've gone over and just been like, we'll get back to whatever I was doing whenever I can. I'm gonna go over and just, sometimes I'll just sit crisscross applesauce in the play pit with him and he just thinks it's hilarious. He gets so excited. He goes from kind of crying. ⁓ not like tears, but you know, just like the yelling, like, hey, I'm still here. Somebody needs to interact with me. ⁓ I'll sit down and I mean, he'll just light up. And I mean, he'll be happy for a long time to just play with me and stuff like that. And a times if I sit there with him for anywhere from five to 20 minutes, I mean, he's good to go. Or it's nap time again and he's ready to rock and roll. So in the grand scheme of things, you kind of just have to think about the trade off or like what are you really losing? Because it's really not that much ⁓ in most circumstances. Now, if you leave a business call or work meeting or something like that, might be a rare time where that's the case. But if you're doing that all the time, there's a real trade-off there. You might lose your job. But me stopping doing something that I already don't like doing to hang out with my son, that seems like an easy decision. So yeah, I would say that that's been a... Did you ask me the last question here or the interruption that actually mattered or did you just ask me one of the other ones that was up there? That was, yeah. The gist of it? Yeah. to be clear, part of what we're saying here is we understand that there is a need for a small children to learn how to play independently. We're not saying that you need to spend all the time with them. And again, like we said earlier, we're not saying that you need to like miss an urgent thing or choose your children absolutely every time. because that can be detrimental for them. Yeah, for them. As well as just your family functioning as a whole. Yes. Really what we're praying for is discernment. Yeah, discernment. ⁓ that's what I'm praying for and also praying and we want for you all and also just to prompt to think critically. Yeah. That term has come up in my own life for the past, really this year, like the past several months. It's just been like... What am I doing to think critically? And every time I start to come up against it, I'm like, it's hard to think critically and I don't want to. thinking critically is so draining. And you're, and you're expecting me and I say you as in speaking to myself here, like I'm expecting myself to think critically about everything and, just be like on in my mindset and having to actively consider everything. It's a skill that can be developed, but man, it's hard. Sure. It is it absolutely is Are you one of those people that picked a word of the year or anything like that to focus on I did it normally lasts till about March And then I remember like later that year when people are talking about New Year's resolutions again. ⁓ that word. Yeah then our Friday morning group they're like, okay So this is what I'm thinking about for my word of the year and then just slowly kind of bubbled around to people like ⁓ no I need to come up with a word. ⁓ no ⁓ I did. Okay. And you know, I have thought about it at least twice in the last month. Okay. You're better than me. I'm doing better than I have previously. But yes. And, and so believe it or not, the critical thinking was not my, my phrase hyphenated word. But it is something that I'm thinking about. Like it comes back to a lot of different, a lot of different pieces. We are given the opportunity to be leaders in our household. And that can look a lot of different ways, a leader across the board, a good leader, thinks about what is happening and thinks about what could be happening in the future. Not necessarily obsessively. Some people think about it far more critically. Some people think about it less so, but just about every good leader has some amount of foresight to be like, okay, what is coming up and how can we plan for that? Well, I do not plan my time to be interrupted ever. Whenever I'm thinking of like a time estimate for things, it's always like the best case estimate nothing happens. I'm like, okay What's the shortest amount of time that I can get this done and then I'll just use that as like the rule? Yes, and you know what that is something that I should have talked about way earlier than this Go into things with the expectation that you're going to be interrupted because expectation is where anger comes from a lot of the time or where where Uncommunicated expectations I've talked with somebody recently about this where we've talked about uncommunicated expectations are unkind. They're unkind to you and they're unkind to everybody else. So... What was that about assume it to it? Yeah, assume it. Yes, exactly. You assume things. My parents used to say that I assumed things all the time. ⁓ Like it was okay for me to not turn in like 37 assignments for school and stuff like that. I just assumed that it was no biggie because you know this is high school. ⁓ But no, I think that Going into, reminds me of a C.S. Lewis quote from Screwtape Letters, which is Wormwood, one of the demons is talking about, talking to ⁓ the other demon about how to basically entrap this man in his thinking. And it just says, let every man wake up thinking he is the lawful owner of 24 hours. And whenever I first read that, I was like, ⁓ I do that. every single day. Not recently, but because I've learned that I am not the lawful owner of 24 hours. when I was when I was single and living in Cincinnati, I absolutely woke up every morning thinking the day is mine and I get to choose exactly what I'm to do with it from start to finish. So that's funny. You can put a skin on that and then go, ⁓ the day is mine, but I'm going to turn this over to the Lord and I will surrender my day to the Lord. Yes. ⁓ his day all along. Yes. No, I get that. I can't think of, there was one other thing that I was gonna say, if I think of it all, sorry, I totally interrupted you. You didn't interrupt me, I've interrupted you like 40 times already. So talk to me, what's, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just thought about it. One thing I love to do, I don't know if you... fall into this, but I love to see the aspects of myself that resemble what I deem Christ like and just kind of think, wow, I've really got this part down or Jesus was like this and wow, I'm really good at that. And then completely ignore the other side. So like one thing that I think about Jesus all the time is, ⁓ I'm trying think of the right way to phrase this. When I read about the life of Jesus and the way that he spoke and interacted and was in the world, I was like, that's a guy that's just like at peace. And it's just go with the flow. I used to say that all the time. He just seemed very go with the flow. ⁓ Or at the very least adaptable. ⁓ And I used to think to myself, I'm go with the flow. I was not adaptable. I don't know why I thought that I was adaptable, but I was very good with the flow. ⁓ And ⁓ my wife is very good at planning things. And I used to think planning is not that important. Like planning is for warriors. Planning is for people who get worried about things. Jesus wasn't worried about things, which also wasn't true to a certain extent, but just that kind of stuff. And then I realized over time, Jesus was an immaculate planner. ⁓ Like, so good. Like, mapped out an entire, like, ministry for three years. And in the same breath, he was completely adaptable. So I think that a lot of times it's just like, I'm way better at getting into like, ⁓ I want this for myself, or I want this attribute, because Jesus embodied that. I can get into the habit of just saying, Jesus embodied the things that I'm good at and didn't embody things that I'm not good at. So, ⁓ fact check your what you think Jesus was really like because he was pretty good at a lot of things that I'm not good at and he's working on every single day. ⁓ But that was what I was thinking. Go ahead with... I'm thinking about that and there are so many things that I think about the way that Jesus loved people. was speaking just specifically to the interrupted piece. He could be interrupted so well. Yes. He would be able to take what to your point of planning planning his stuff. Well, he he was willing to be interrupted in just about every scenario. Even though we know he got tired and we know that he like he was yes He experienced all these things but he was willing to be interrupted a lot and he was able to turn that into a way to love other people well Versus I know that if you were to interrupt me in any of the scenarios he was interrupted and I would be all impatient short Kurt with people I would just walked away like you should be like no, sorry Or just like I'm I am the the son of God. I am God incarnate. And who are you? yeah. Shoo. You had mentioned earlier again, we're going to move on to this next part, but you had mentioned earlier about seeing the interruption as a gift. And because you just mentioned interruptions again and how we respond to them, I was thinking, and I wrote down earlier, Jesus interrupted people. Yeah. And a lot of times it was for their good. like, He called several people out of what they were doing with their life to follow him. Different type of interruption. Might even argue it's much more drastic than the interruptions that I'm dealing with on a day-to-day basis. like Matthew, he called him out of being a tax collector and called him to follow him. The woman at the well. I wouldn't say called her out of it, but just said, I don't think she was expecting to see Jesus at the well that day or have the conversation or get called out. Yeah, probably wasn't expecting someone to know every piece of her story and go from there. And if you know much about the woman at the well, probably wasn't really looking to see anybody there. Like wasn't really looking to have a conversation with somebody, wanted to get her water and get back to town. And then there's this just in the best way possible, just smug, all-knowing preacher just kind of sitting there like. I'm gonna ask you a few pointed questions. Let's see where we can get. Yes, various cultural reasons and there's just a dude sitting there and I want to know how much she Like saw him from afar and stopped and goes do I really need water right now? Man, can I come back a little bit later? Maybe he'll be gone Yeah, I think the same thing and then the most wonderful interruption in her life and I love the way that the the chosen show portrays it of like yes, we know He told you everything about you. Yes, that's right. for telling me for the 40th time. Cause she won't stop talking about it. Her whole life got flipped upside down in a great way. learn to embrace the interruption sometimes I think is see them as gifts. And you know what? They might not always be like an intentional gift from God. Although I do believe he works all things together for a good purpose, but like just view them as that. And it's going to be easier one time than the other. I still snap at people even though I try to have that perspective as much as I can. So I'm really good at talking about theory behind things and not wanting to apply it at all. Dude, same. Kind of going back to that horrific Bob Goff. Did Hunter say it was Bob Goff's quote of, ⁓ if you take agreeing with Jesus off the table, then you either obey him or you don't. ⁓ And I may be totally butchering this, so I so apologize if I have completely butchered this quote. But it's the idea of, if you take off the table just like, Thinking ⁓ yeah. No, that's the right way to do it and just moving on you either are agreeing with it or not I very much like just kind of throwing out the ideas and not actually having to live by them Pretending to work on them for the next 10 years. Yeah, that's right So how do we how do we take this home and make it so that there's something practical? Yeah, I would say that for this week, you can just pay attention to the moment ⁓ just before you redirect. ⁓ We use the example of a kid, but it could be anybody. So just before you redirect anybody or you decide like, I am too busy for this right now, which you might be. again, not saying that you can't be, but think about before you redirect things. Take a second to just pause and ask yourself, is this actually urgent or am I protecting my rhythm, my desires? ⁓ You don't have to change every decision. Just start noticing the honest answer, what your motivation really is behind it. I'm gonna close this out in prayer. Are we under an hour? No? Okay, then I'm gonna close this out in prayer. Otherwise I had extras. Jesus. You're an amazing, amazing Lord and someone worth submitting to, which is not something that comes naturally to me or to many people. I typically resist submission, Lord, but you are worthy of it and I am happy to offer up that submission. pray that all of us would be... Lord, I pray that this week... or anytime that someone is able to listen to this, I pray that people would hear you and not us. If there's anything us goobers could throw out there that you want to speak through, Lord, I pray that you would. And that that would just be a small way. And eventually a big way that your kingdom just enters in, enters in here on earth in a way that your will gets done. I pray that you give us what we need to go out into the world and love on people well, pause, reflect. treat people with kindness and realize that we are not entitled to certain time, Lord, and that a lot of times it's just an opportunity you're giving us to care about someone and to show them that love. We appreciate you more than you know, Lord, and I pray that you would be with us this week and that you would just change lives day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. We love you. Amen. We love you all. Thank you so much for listening and again, we would love to chat with you and get to interact. Leave some comments, subscribe if you haven't already. A lot of you think you're subscribed, but you're not. So please subscribe to the channel. We have Instagram now, relatively functional dads. any last, what are the, Apple podcasts, Spotify. Wherever you can get a podcast. Wherever you can get podcast. Yeah. We love you all. Love you all. Thank you. Peace. So very much.