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Is it possible for you to make a narcissist happy? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So is it possible for you to make a narcissist happy?
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  That is the question of the day. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. Bam, boom, bam.
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  Whatever, whatever sound effect you want to make after I come
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  back from the break. That's the question of the day
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  though, isn't it? It, It absolutely is one of
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  those questions that a lot of people ask one of those
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  questions that a lot of people try to find the answer to.
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  Hey, Lee, is it possible for me to, to, you know, make my
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  narcissistic partner happy? Is it possible for me to, you
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  know, make the how can I contribute to their happiness?
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  Is it possible for me to make a narcissist happy?
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  Is it possible for the narcissist to be happy overall?
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  You know, that's the question that I get so much right there
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  or that, that, that kind of function of the question right
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  there, that kind of like, you know, let me be real with you,
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  y'all. Can a narcissist be happy?
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  My answer to the question is going to be yes, but it depends
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  because happiness is on a spectrum for a narcissist and it
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  it's like fleeting happiness is this thing that narcissists
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  chase after the pursuit of happiness.
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  So like so to speak, a lot of people are it's like the pursuit
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  of happiness. Can you make a narcissist happy?
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  Like narcissists are chasing after happiness on a continuous
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  basis. They're trying to make
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  themselves happy. They're trying to validate
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  themselves, right? Like, so can you validate a
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  narcissist? It's pretty much the question
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  because validation to a narcissist is almost equivalent
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  to happiness, right? So can you make a narcissist
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  happy? Periodically, you can contribute
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  to their happiness. But now narcissists cannot be
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  happy for a long time. So you have to dig to the root
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  cause of the issue. Narcissists and toxic people
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  tend to seek happiness from external sources.
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  They tend to seek happiness from an outside source instead of
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  something inside of them, inside of us.
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  Because yes, I am a narcissist. Yes, I have the person, I have
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  the disorder. So we tend to seek this, we tend
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  to seek like happiness from outside of us, right?
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  And that happens so much like narcissists seek happiness
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  outside. We, it's, it's hard to make
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  ourselves happy, so we tend to seek it externally.
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  We tend to try to find, find an outside source to make us happy.
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  That's where the, the phrase or the words narcissistic supply
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  tend to tend to come into, tend to come into play, right?
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  Because narcissists try to make themselves happy, they get
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  supply happy Supply is happiness and narcissists, it's hard for
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  narcissists to make themselves happy internally.
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  Yeah, I'm not saying that the narcissists can't make
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  themselves internally happy or they can't self validate.
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  But that's the problem. Narcissists, most of us have a
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  problem with self regulation. Like we, we, we have a problem
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  like regulating our own internal happiness thermometer or
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  validation thermometer. So we can't regulate it.
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  So we need an outside source. We need an external source.
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  We need an external supply to make us happy, to help us
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  monitor our happiness, you know, and that, and that's what
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  happened. That will happen so much in
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  these relationship dynamics. You will drain yourself.
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  You will waste a lot of time, effort, energy, resources, all
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  of the above trying to make a narcissist happy.
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  I know people don't want to hear that, but it's the truth.
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  You will waste a lot of time, effort, energy trying to make
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  your narcissistic partner or parent happy, trying to make
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  them love you, trying to make them give you what you want and
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  need, trying to make them see you for who you really are.
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  You're going to waste a lot of time, effort, and energy trying
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  to accomplish that goal. And I'm not saying it's
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  impossible to accomplish that goal.
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  What I'm saying is that it's always going to be a tough it's
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  always going to be a tough sale to make yourself to make them
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  happy. You want to waste a lot of you
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  going to how do I say this? You want to lose yourself trying
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  to make somebody happy that needs it all the time, like it's
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  a temporary fix. It's a quick hit.
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  It's like, like I wanted to describe happiness or, and, or
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  validation and or narcissistic supply like a drug because you
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  get a quick fix off of it. It's a quick fix.
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  It's a quick hit. You can get a quick hit of
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  happiness as a narcissist, as a toxic person, as a whoever you
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  are, you know, it's always going to be quick.
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  It's never, it's never sustained.
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  And that's the, and that's the issue there's so many of us face
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  having this personality disorder because it's not sustaining.
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  We're always looking for the next high like a drug addict.
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  We're always looking for our next fix, our next hit.
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  We're always looking for. And you, you might be able to
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  supply it for a little while. You might be able to give us
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  what we're looking for, what we're wanting and needing for a
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  little while. You might be able to supply that
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  for a little while. But over time, you can't do it.
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  And this is way less about you than it is about them.
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  It is. Yeah.
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  And so many people take it, like, don't it's hard for me to
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  say this, but try not to take it personal when I say things like
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  you can't make them happy because so many people were
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  like, well, Lee, I tried my hardest and they, I did my best.
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  And yo, I know you tried your hardest.
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  I know you did your best. But at the end of the day, it's
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  not about you. It's about them, like good or
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  bad. Well, not necessarily bad, good,
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  it's about them bad. It's going to be about you.
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  If they're sad, they'll blame their sadness on you.
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  But if they're happy, they will rarely ever give you credit for
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  making them happy. You know what I mean?
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  They will rarely ever give you credit for making them happy or,
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  or or assisting them on this happiness journey or whatever it
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  is. They will rarely ever give that
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  to you. So that's what I'm telling
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  people, like if you're dealing with a narcissist, this is what
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  happens. This is how it goes.
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  And I know it sucks when I tell people this, but like, you can't
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  make them happy for a long period of time.
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  You'll drain, you're going to drain yourself.
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  And some people don't care that I say this.
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  Some people are like, well, Lee, I'm, I'm, I'm going to drain
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  myself because I love this person.
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  I'm going to drain myself because this person means the
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  world to me. I'm going to drain myself
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  because I care for this person more about I care more about
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  this person than I do for myself.
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  You know, that's how it goes. You know, I and I tell people
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  about that. I'm just like, look, you are
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  going to waste your life trying to make this person happy,
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  trying to give this person something that they cannot
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  generate themselves. How does that feel when I tell
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  you? So when I tell you as a survivor
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  or thriver that you're going to waste your life trying to give
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  this person happiness and, and to make this person happy, How,
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  how does that feel when I say that to you?
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  A lot of people hate that, you know what I mean?
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  A lot of people hate when I say that.
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  A lot of people were like, well, Lee, a lot of people say that a
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  lot of like, Lee, you're so mean and you're just heartless.
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  You don't have empathy. This is that.
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  And I tell them, like y'all, there's nothing I can say that's
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  going to make you feel better in this situation.
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  I'm trying to help set you free. Like whether you choose to stay
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  or choose to go, I'm trying to help set you free from the ties
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  that bind you to this person. Like, because if you feel like
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  you're bound to this person no matter what they say or no
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  matter what they do, then you're going to be stuck.
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  You absolutely are. That's one of the things that's
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  going to happen to you. You're going to feel stuck.
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  You're going to feel horrible, you know what I mean?
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  You're going to like, you're going to waste.
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  I just hate to see people waste their lives in types of
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  relationships. Like you can't see your full,
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  You can't see your full potential because you're trying
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  to help somebody else meet theirs.
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  You know, you can't witness your full potential.
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  You can't reach your full potential because you're trying
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  to make yourself happy. You trying to make somebody else
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  happy. You know what I mean?
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  You're, you're obsessed with trying to make yourself happy
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  and you're going to waste your life doing that.
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  You're going to lose yourself doing that.
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  You absolutely are. So I tell people this all the
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  time, like narcissists cannot be happy for long periods of time.
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  You can make them happy in short spurts.
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  And when you make them happy, sometimes they'll, they'll show
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  you that you made them happy. They'll, they'll be exuberant,
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  they'll be be willing to do things for you.
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  But a lot of times, but a lot of times narcissism or MPD or toxic
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  relationships are comorbid with they have, you have more than
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  one disorder, you have more than one mental health affliction.
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  So a lot of narcissists also have clinical depression, IE me,
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  I have narcissistic personality disorder, but I also have, I'm
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  also being diagnosed with clinical depression as well.
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  You know what I mean? I got that as well.
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  So if I'm battling depression as a narcissist, it's hard for me
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  to be happy anyway. So no matter what you do or no
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  matter what I do, I'm going to be depressed unless I'm
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  fighting, unless I'm battling depression.
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  You see what I'm saying? Unless I'm battling my own inner
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  depression, there's nothing that anybody else can do for me.
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  I'm battling my own inner depression, so there's
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  absolutely nothing that anybody else can do for me because I'm
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  battling it myself. You see what I'm saying?
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  You can't help me. You, you, you trying to make me
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  happy doesn't help me battle the depression a lot of times.
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  I could do that. Let me take that.
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  Let me take that part back. Let me let me retract that last
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  part right there, y'all? Because I'm pretty sure it's
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  true. But I don't want that on my
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  conscience. You see what I'm saying?
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  I just want you to, to, to know that you could be wasting your
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  time, life energy on this person.
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  You could be keeping your, your kids in a toxic relationship
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  environment because you want to try to make this person happy.
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  And it just really doesn't work that way.
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  You really can't. You see what I'm saying?
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  I feel like, and when you're dealing with narcissist, the
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  person I have disorder or people who are battling depression or
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  narcissism, whatever is going to suck dealing with it.
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  So I wanted to let you know I'm here for you.
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  You can't make the narcissist happy.
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  They have to try to, they have to battle it themselves right
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  here, right? You know what I mean?
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  So watch over yourself, be blessed, subscribe to the
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  channel like join, like focus on making yourself happy because
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  control the controllables, control the things that are
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  within your control, the things that are within your power,
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  right? Because you can't control them.
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  You can't control their happiness.
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  You can't control their sadness. They will make it seem like you
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  can. They will blame you for it, but
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  it's not your responsibility. And I tell you to run away or
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  disappear on this person. I'm telling you to protect your
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  peace. Be serious, I care for you, be
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  blessed, stay in power. As always, Mr. Who misses that
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  peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
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  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
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  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.