Latest / Classic Metal Show / Can You Ever Truly Escape Severe Mental Depression?

Transcript

Can You Ever Truly Escape Severe Mental Depression? · Classic Metal Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, this is David Huff from the band Giant, and you're watching CMS TV.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Keep it real.
• 0:05
  [music]
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, good for you, man.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad to know you're doing something for yourself.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm trying.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, actually taking action.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you can sit there and think about it all day.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I'm one of the biggest procrastinators when it comes to stuff like that.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: But when I finally put my mind to something, I'll get it done.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know,
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: it just takes something just like one of my MO,
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: something I'll have something burning in my in my mind for a while and I
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: and I sit there and have those, you know, conversations with yourself.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's like,
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: why are And then all of a sudden you wake up one morning and you go,
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: today's the day.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: And you get up and do it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: But it might lag on you for weeks or even months.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden something kicks in and you're just like, I'm all about it now.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't know what that something is.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I know what it always is with me.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: I literally have to wake up and go, I fucking hate where I'm at now.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: I have to get to that point.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: And then once I get to that point, it's like, okay, I can cruise for six months doing better.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: But, man, if I can just get through another fucking week with the weights.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: The weights are where I think it'll be for me.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not lifting with heavy weights or anything.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm really not.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you can't start off heavy.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure you're well aware of that.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: So that's, but I, but I'm, I'm not even going to try to get to that point.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not going to,
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: you know, I have,
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: I think for the,
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'm using the Nautilus machine that I have here and you've seen it in here
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: in my living room and I'm doing,
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, maybe like 160 benching and pull downs.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing like 120, you know, I mean, it's not, not light, light, but it's not, it's not crazy.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I used to bench, I used to bench four 50.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm like, if I put it up to 225, I'm like, what?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but that was 40 years ago, Chris.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I know, but it's still, it's still, you know what it is?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's all I know.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: So in my mind, it's not, well, you're going to be weaker because you're older.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: In my mind, it's like, why can't you fucking do this, you fucking pussy?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I really do get in those modes.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't equate the time like I should, I guess.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: and they say that,
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: as you get older, you just, you just don't have that kind of strength anymore.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you do, but you just don't have the drive, you know, the drive.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know,
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: obviously with guys,
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: it's the reduction in testosterone since you were a kid to where you are as a,
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: you know, a 60-year-old male.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so that's a factor.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: A whole lot of factors play
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: in there.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: As
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: much as we talk about these singers that need to sing in their range based
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: on their age and whatever,
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: we as men have to tailor our daily activity based on our ability.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and the changes that come with it.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I've embraced it.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: I've accepted where I'm at in life.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel any different today than I did, say, 20 or 25 years ago.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have any aches or pains.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like I'm decrepit.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like I can't get out of bed in the morning.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel as if I don't have the drive or anything.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's just I'm...
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: I
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: got a very regimented schedule through the week and I don't miss a day.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Not a day.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Not a day sick, not a day excuse to blow off and say, you know, fuck it.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not working today.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's just not my DNA.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I got to say,
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate everybody in the chat room concerned that I'm going through menopause.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Are you?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: You're going through menopause.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: Menopause.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody put that in the chat room, too.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there's nothing wrong with positive change.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: Again, I do it myself.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know,
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: if there's something that'll make my life better or the changes that are necessary
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: to maintain a good mental health and good positive outlook and,
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: you know, positive mental attitude and, you know, that's what's important.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I do.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm just trying to stay here to keep entertaining you dummies that find me entertaining.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because for a while, there was a long time that I really didn't give a fuck if I dropped dead.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: But now I'm sort of there.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, good.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: Glad to know that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: But all's good.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't have a ton to, you know, report.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, just basically work, making money.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Just that's the whole thing, making money.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: I did make a couple new investments this week, which,
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: you know, has been something that I've been concentrating on in the last year or so.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: Because I put away a bunch of money and I was just like,
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: well, I can't just keep putting money away.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: I need to put it into something.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I've been doing that.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: You ever thought about a great investment in a pinball organization?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: What's the ROI, Chris?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: I need the breakdown.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Give me the sheets on the breakdown.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'm talking a donation.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, donations.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: The gift of giving, as they say.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: Is that what it is?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Give until it hurts?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, just write me a check.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: Hey.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, that's one thing,
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: as I've been going through this business thing that I've been going through,
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_03: I had no clue.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: That banks,
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: every bank in the country,
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: and this,
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not going to,
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to say it,
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: and I'm not going to say it as a terrible thing
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: because we've already taken advantage of it,
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: but I'm still like kind of annoyed by it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that every bank in the fucking country has a slush fund
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: for community activity or involvement?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: Typically, yeah.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's for good PR.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I had no idea.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: But where does that money come from?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: Them jacking you on interest or bounce checks or whatever.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, absolutely.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: But we were advised of that.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then we had a school that just couldn't afford a field trip for us.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: And we went to the bank.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: We just went to the bank and said, hey, do you guys want to sponsor this shit?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: And they were like, yeah.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, here.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: Here's two grand.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: Boom.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: they wrote us a check and,
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: gave us a bag of tchotchkes and bullshit to give the kids from the bank,
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: which we did.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, fine.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: But I had no idea.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: That has been like,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: not just that,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: but just in general,
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: working with people that are at the next level of business than I am is
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: so eye-opening because you really start learning,
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: well, this is how people do this shit.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: They laughed at me because they were like, well, you're a nonprofit.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: How many donors do you have?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, well, as of today, we have none.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_03: And they were like, well, why don't you have any?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I don't know.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: I've called every one of them.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like, well, send me the packet that you provide.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I don't give them a packet.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: I call them.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_03: I tell them what I need.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like, that's just fucking dumb.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, you got to make it count.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: You got to tell them what you're using the money for and this and that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: You got to have a business plan for every little thing.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, again, it's a whole PR marketing thing.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but I'm learning on the fly here.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: I've always been a very small business type of a guy.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: I've never been a big business guy.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: And now I'm starting to learn the big business-y pieces of it,
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: how companies get $20 million donations from organizations and families and whatnot.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: So who knows?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: I may just get a big donation and then just retire.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you are.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: I had that conversation with Ed this week.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, you know, if we could get like $5 million, I'm so done with this fucking business.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, what would you do?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I'll do something.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: I will do anything else, but I won't do this.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: To sort of quote meatloaf, I would do anything for bucks, but I won't
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: do that.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Then you get that knock on the door for extortion.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: A sheriff.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it wasn't wrong that you took this money.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's what you did with it and that you used it for personal enrichment.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: So we're holding you for extortion.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Hands behind your back, sir.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I thought I was allowed to dip into that.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I needed it.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: I thought it was mine.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you gave it to me.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: Why wouldn't I keep it?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: This isn't fair.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this sucks.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: We're going to just make it money if I can't keep it all for myself.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's funny.
• 10:17
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• 10:18
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• 10:19
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• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Good stuff.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, of course.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know,
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: that's a write-off,
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: and again,
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: it's a business expense,
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: and it goes under the You know,
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: under the tier of marketing,
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: so again, it's, well,
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: we did good deeds for the community in which we served,
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: you know, but we used your money to do it.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but the bank is a business.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's a business.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm happy to take some of their coin, that's for sure.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, but they get their name plastered around there.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: Look, we took care of these underprivileged kids who would have not had a good day at
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: the pinball palace had we not provided them with a couple of shekels
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: so they could go enjoy themselves.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Look, we did it for the kids.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it is a game.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's like, you know, they do that and then you have to...
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: We had to send them photos and whatnot so they could put it on their social media.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: Here's what we did at Pinball PA. We had organizational day or whatever.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: That will just garner another big donation to them to go, well, look,
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to open up an account in their business department because they're so good
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: with the money and they're good stewards and they're good to the community
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: and You know, they pay back.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: They give it back.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they care.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: So that's what it's all about.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's just such a goddamn game.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: It is.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: Elon Musk needs to hurry up with this nobody has to work anymore thing.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Have you heard him saying that in 10 years, nobody will have a job anymore?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody will have to work.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: Please make that happen in my lifetime.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: Even if it's just for one year.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: How great it would be.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: But you know what will happen after that, don't you?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: What's that?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Then it starts with the, well, let's get the really non-essentials out of here.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, granted, we don't have to work, but then again, we don't need any dead weight either.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: That serves zero purpose, so it's time to start calling the herd.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, that's fine.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm fine.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: Just start at the younger.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to be one of the ones that is not called.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'll still do something productive, but it won't be what I'm doing now.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be writing books or something.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be creating educational opportunities.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'll call it.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: You'll be a stand-up philosopher.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, that's right.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: I will speak at colleges or something.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, a bullshit artist.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly right.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, good.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like a few good positive things have been happening in the Chris Akin camp.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm good.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm actually in a,
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_03: you know, it's funny because I, you know, I always come into the chat room early.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh, let's
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: get this fucking shit over with.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: that's usually my,
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: that's my MO to start the show is, fuck,
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: you know, here I am again, you know, and I'm, and honestly, I love doing the show.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: It just, you know, it's like, like we've said a million times, it's starting.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Once it starts, it's good.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: But it's that lead up to six fucking hours.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's a long time.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: Don't look at the clock.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I do on a lot of Saturdays.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what gets me into that bad headspace.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: As I start looking at the clock,
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, only five more hours till I got to be up for six more.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: I got to go and take a nap.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: I got to do this.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: I got to, you know, it's like I convinced myself that it's this bad thing.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_03: So that I come into the show just like here I am in that same fucking chair again.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's like but now I'm trying my damnedest to not be that way.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: And it's working,
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: and we have said me and you have said off
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: the air how fast these shows have been going the last two months or whatever.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, quick.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's like six hours.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: Feels like 30 minutes.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_03: It does.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's like even this.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: We've been rambling for an hour.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: Seems like we just turned on the fucking cameras.
• 15:03
  Yep.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and that's good.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I like that.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: I think I got myself into,
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think especially with this businessy bullshit and some of the other stuff
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: that I won't talk about on the air,
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: but you're aware of from a year before, like, you know, with my kid and everything.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: I got myself just into a kind of an ugly headspace, and I needed to get out of it.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: And now I finally feel like I might be crawling out of it, you know, like Jane Gumm in the hole.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm slowly trying to get up to the top.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: You're breaking free of the grasp of just,
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: you know, for lack of a better term, kind of a depression.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I always fight depression.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_03: You don't get to be as sick of a fuck as I am without having something broken in your brain.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, I definitely know that I fight depression a lot.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I was angry for every minute for 30 years or whatever, because I stayed depressed.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: And while I'm better than I used to be at it, I'm still not all the way there yet.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think you get all the way there, I think.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: I think what you have to do is you just have to know the signs and be a little more proactive.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when...
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: When I start going down that rabbit hole,
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: I really got to not head to the bottle or head to the pizza and just head to
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: the weight bench or take a walk or some bullshit like that.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: Something other than my pitfalls or my...
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, whatever, my landmines, because I do tend to fall for those landmines off.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: And you know that about me.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I think anybody that's listened to the show knows that about me is I'll be good
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: for a while and then I'll show up drunk to the show every show for like six months.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Remember those days?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: and it's been a while for that now because I don't drink during
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: the show either anymore.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: I just I was getting it was getting out of control again.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: It was.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, I stopped drinking on the show, I think, when did we do the Motorhead beer thing?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_03: Because that was the last time I really drank hard, and that was like four or five years, right?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's been quite a while.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: But that was when I was drinking 12
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: to 18 beers per show while doing the show.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: And drinking at least a 12-pack during the show.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: I have this little trash can over here.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: And every week it was full.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was like, I'm falling into that fucking place again.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, and that's why I stopped doing it.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, and it really wasn't even about the drink.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't, you know, again, I didn't give a shit if I lived or died at that point.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I was like, who cares?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm getting through it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: And then.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: But then it just got to a point where it was like, man, you know, what are you doing?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: Where's the stop point to this?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I just had to stop it.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I really noticed it listening to the shows.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I would listen back to the shows and I would hear,
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: beginning of the show would sound like tonight where I'm up,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm energetic, I'm telling jokes, everybody's laughing, we're having a good time.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_03: End of the shows would be, Mm-hmm.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Got it.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was totally, because I was trashed.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was trashed and I was coming down,
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: and I was making it to the end,
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: but I just was like,
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: the microphone would turn off and I was like, I'm going to go fucking pass out.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what would happen.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, this ain't good.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I switched and just stopped drinking at all during the show.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: Plus, I don't like to drink by myself because I am an addict of everything.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know,
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: drinking by yourself,
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: they say that's the number one rule of things you don't do as a drunk.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: If you drink by yourself, you just never stop drinking.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: And so I don't.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even keep alcohol here in the house right now.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, look at you.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if I have the need to drink...
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Literally, I have to go do it, which as everybody is well aware, that is an issue for me.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: That is still an issue that I'm fighting.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: Do I want to leave the house and go get a cocktail or two?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Or just run down.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, there's literally a drive through a drive through.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: What do you call that?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: A package store or whatever?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there's there's literally one.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's not even a mile from here.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Just go right down the street, take a right, and it's right there.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I still fight with myself over that sometimes.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm in the mood for,
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: like if I'm going to watch wrestling pay-per-view or something,
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be like, yeah, let me get a beer.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: And then, you know, go get a 40 or something.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then I never do because it's like, well, then I got to put my fucking shoes on.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's the effort I have to make and I have to leave the house.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: Do I got to brush my fucking hair?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: Do I put a hat on?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: Or do I just go looking like a fucking dirtbag?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's all these things.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm just like, fuck it.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: Who cares?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: And then I just sit here and drink water again.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there you go.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Deterrence.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: But who knew that being a deterrent was just leaving the house to go one mile?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: What's the total time that could possibly take?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Five minutes?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: Ten?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: Ten?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: So dumb.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: Eh, but it's all good.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, again, I was in a bad space years ago.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, this was a long time ago when I was dating a girl that you knew.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: A long time ago when I lived in Ohio still.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: And the last year that I was with her, I was so depressed.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: I was just, like, so depressed.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I went to work every day.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: I went through the motions.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: I did what I had to do.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: But one of the things, and, you know, you've been to my house, you know, a few times.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm a neat freak.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: I keep things clean.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Everything's in its place.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: Everything gets, you know, is dusted and vacuumed.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, places, you know, spotless.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: Plastic on the chairs and all that shit.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's not that.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: But...
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: When I was living, Sunday was always my clean the house and do laundry day.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: And because I was so depressed and not even knowing the reason why,
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: and it was her that was dragging me down.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: It was her.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't even know it was her doing this to me, causing me to feel the way that I felt.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I went a whole year without
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: Dusting or vacuuming or whatever.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: And if I did do it,
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: it was like a,
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: it was like a, like I had weight on my feet, you know, I just couldn't do it.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'd get up on Sunday after,
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: cause I was doing the show at WSTB and I'd get home at,
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: three o'clock in the morning and I'd go to sleep and I'd get up on Sunday
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: and I typically would get up,
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: you know, 11 o'clock noon, get the laundry done, clean the house.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: That was my typical routine before getting back to the job on Monday.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I'd get out of bed at noon and I'd move to the couch and then I'd just sit there
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: and stare at the wall.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just like I just couldn't make myself do anything.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: I could get the laundry done, but that's as far as I could go.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: But just getting up to just get a dust rag and dust the furniture and stuff,
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: it was like I just couldn't do it.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then when things ended with her,
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: and I felt like I just regained all my energy again and I was just like ready
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: to just live again.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, I went through that same with when I got divorced.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: Prior to the divorce, I was ready to just die.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: I would hope I would die.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: I can't tell you how many times I laid down to go to sleep.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, just don't wake up.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: Please don't wake up.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'd wake up.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, another fucking day of this.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: And then once she left,
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: and once my head cleared a little bit,
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: because it did take me a minute to get my head right,
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: But once my head cleared, I mean,
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: look at all the bullshit that I've done since I got divorced with Pinball PA
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: and Aiken IT and Starving Artist and all the books.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing this show.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: This show and the Seth show and the Krizaka Presents show and the Eric show for a while.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, I mean, limping out of the fire for a while.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, writing a few books.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: Writing books.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: Six.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: Six and a seventh that's almost done.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I mean, it's like I did so many things once I got that anchor off of my brain.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know,
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: and somebody said in the chat room is girlfriends or marriage equals depression
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: for guys.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: There's truth to that.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: There is, because guys are not meant to be fucking catering to some bitch.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: Caged.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, that's the better word, caged.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: You're meant to be out doing shit or doing what you want to do and not doing things
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: that you absolutely would never do without them.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know,
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: do guys,
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: other than making them suck our cock,
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: do we make chicks fucking do things that they don't want to do?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty much no.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, no.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: if you want to go to a football game,
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: whatever,
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: you want to go to a football game, and you say, hey, you want to go with me?
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: See ya.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we're not like, no, you got to go, because if I'm there, you got to be there.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_03: I can't be seen without my boyfriend or my girlfriend.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: We're just like, all right, fuck you.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: We're out of here.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'll see you when I get back.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then they're mad because you went without them.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: Because you should have stayed and taken them to the flower show
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: or some
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: shit.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I guess if you're not going to go, I guess that means I'm not going either.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds like Chris Neely and I dated the same heartless demon bitch from hell.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: I guess we did, Spartan.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe they're all the same smart, heartless demon bitch from hell.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: You never let them behind the curtain.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: They're all sisters.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're all sisters.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: You never let them behind
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: that curtain.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm still a believer that the number one thing
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: that proves brain damage is fucking having a vagina.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because they're all fucking broken.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: Every one of them broken.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: And just in the worst way, and the older they get, the more broken.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: My God, it is horrible.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there you go.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: There's an hour of therapy for those of you in our age group that may
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: or may not be experiencing similar things.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: But hopefully, maybe somebody got something out of that.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_03: And if not, you'd certainly got a couple laughs.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_03: I know we threw a couple good one-liners in.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I say we take a break,
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: get into some tunes
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: here.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, I'll be taking your requests via the FastPass.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: The Fast Pass is over there at our Locals page.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: Just go over to classicmetalshow.locals.com.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: If you aren't a member of our Locals page, why not?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you sitting here listening to us all for free and stuff?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Help us out.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Offset some of the costs we incur to bring you the show every week.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah!
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, help us out a little bit.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Help Chris out a little bit.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no kidding.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: He could use a couple of shekels for doing all the back-end work he does here.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: I could.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: I could always use more, that's for sure.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm making about a penny an hour for the time I put into this damn thing.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right, exactly.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, so sign up over at classicmetalshow.locals.com.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's five bucks a month.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's very cheap, and you get an opportunity to...
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Get a request in on a Saturday night.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: So that's how it works, kids.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: So do it today.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: Shall you?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: As always, I let Chris kick off the music segment.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: So what shall we play?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_03: We shall play.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just going to put this out here so that I don't have to text you in 20 minutes.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: Add a sixth song, because I'm going to do something I never do and pick a very short song.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_03: I had to interview this band this week, and I am beyond hooked on this fucking song.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_03: The band is called Audrey Horn.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_03: The song is called Goddamn Beautiful.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's not heavy or anything at all.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's very, very not heavy.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_03: But the hook...
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: We'll stick in your fucking head like bubble gum in your hair.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_03: Really, really.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_03: It's got me.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: I was telling the dude that I was talking to.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I have listened to this fucking song 900 times.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: I can't stop listening to it.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_03: So that is my request tonight.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_03: Goddamn beautiful from Audrey Horn.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_03: H-O-R-N-E Horn.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we're going to get into the tunes here.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: So here it is.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: This is Audrey Horn with Goddamn Beautiful exclusively here.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: On your classic
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_03: metal show.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: New York's heavy metal titans are back.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: After 10 years, Anthrax unleashes their 12th studio album, Curse Em Perficio, September 18th.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is the sound of legends completing their journey.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Curse Em Perficio, my journey is over.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: First single, It's For The Kids, is a buzzsaw riff monster.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Explosive drums, howling hooks, and pure Anthrax destruction.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Scott Ian,
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Charlie Benonte,
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Frank Bello,
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Joey Belladonna,
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: and Jonathan DeNice deliver the thrash masterpiece you've been waiting for.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Get the two-disc vinyl set right now, available at the bottom of your screen.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Anthrax, Cursum Proficia, September 18th.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is the one you've been waiting for.