Latest / The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa / Trauma Healing, Nervous System Regulation & Self-Love | Ft. Ramona Kossowan

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Trauma Healing, Nervous System Regulation & Self-Love | Ft. Ramona Kossowan · The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa

• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: My goal in the 10th year is to inspire and empower you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And for fun, I might even add some credit to the content and travel content.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive into today's episode.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: So today I am joined by women's wellness and empowerment coach Romana Koelowan.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Ramona Kosowan.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: She is the first certified dental trauma release practitioner who specializes in guiding women through difficult terrain of major transitions.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So today we'll be talking about what happens when we're doing all the inner work, but still feel stuck and what it means to approach ourselves and our bodies with more curiosity and compassion.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome, Romana.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking forward to our conversation.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us about yourself.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: What led you from holistic health into the work that you do with women today?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it was more of a just course change over time, right?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not the same person I was when I started my side hustle, so to speak.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm entirely not the same version of myself.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then my how I work with women has just evolved.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: What I did notice initially is like it's always, I was always really stoked about empowering women to get underneath and find their own answers and not accept the status quo, not accept the limits that have been pushed upon them.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that can include their health.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: But what I noticed kept showing up is that women's emotions became a barrier for them to experience what they wanted, become the version of themselves that they wanted to be.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And thus include how they took care of their body and prioritized simple habits like strengthening their body and nourishing themselves well and taking time for what made them feel good.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it just lit this bit of dissatisfaction in me to just accept that and not be able to work with it.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: So when the timing was right, I learned about personal empowerment coaching, which is working with the map of consciousness and the energy of emotions.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And as I was completing that training, I was learning about the Gentle Trauma Release Institute.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it really just sparked such possibility in me to know that there was a very accessible, gentle, easily repeatable way to help women get out from underneath what they've been carrying, and that's making them feel limited or limited or constricted in a way that I could do without going to school for seven years.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: How can you tell when personal growth is coming from self-criticism rather than self-love?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I find sometimes women tend to treat themselves like a project and like they're somehow innately flawed.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I was the same way.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like underneath, I felt innately flawed.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like even though I presented as confidence, there was arm's length and really not showing my soft underbelly, so to speak.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And what we often hear, here's a couple things that come up that you might recognize is we often hear, well, everyone has trauma.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what are we supposed to do with that information?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Does this mean we all walk around burdened?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Does this mean that we're being too sensitive and we need to stop being affected by our experiences?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Is that what that means?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then I often intersect with women as they're going through especially a big life transition.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I often hear something to the effect of, I don't know who I am anymore.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to like myself again.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And most of us have had conversations with women where they're always focusing on their body, their appearance, and their weight.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And they've got a graveyard of diets collected behind them.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And yet the thoughts of food are magnifying, it's getting worse.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: So what I like to do is meet women in the middle of that and get underneath what's driving it so that we can release it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And quite often it is unconsciously driven.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why we can have all kinds of conscious awareness.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: We're in our heads because it's safe to just sit there and analyze and pick things apart and think things through and make a spreadsheet.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: That feels safe.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: But sitting with your body and getting underneath things feels vulnerable.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And when we have an excess of trauma in our nervous system, which is simply distress without resolve, we will check out because that's our way of protecting ourselves.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's natural and wise on our body's level, meant to keep us safe, to help us survive.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: At some point, those walls start to crumble.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think that we sometimes turn healing into another thing that we feel that we need to succeed at?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Especially for if you've identified as sensitive.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I recognized when I was young that I was sensitive and I wished that I wasn't.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: I wrote in my journal, I wish I wasn't so sensitive.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how sad is that?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: That our environment is so toxic that we wish we weren't sensitive.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So then quite often I'll see women become women become very high-functioning.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: They're achievers, they're doers, they get stuff done, and it feels rewarding because you feel valuable, you can control certain things, maybe manipulate how you're seen.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Not in a well-intended way.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's just when I show up this way, I get rewarded.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point, we just need to live.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And the living is the healing.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I was having this conversation with a client because she kept feeling like she needed to go deeper.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: She and she had gone deep.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: We had released a lot.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: She had significant issues that had come up that we needed to help her move get under.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: So she she wasn't making a big deal out of nothing.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point it's living.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Living is healing, the expanding.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like for me to become the version of myself that I am now.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I did need to do some healing work, especially when I was pushed out of my comfort zone.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's also how do I just expand into this version of me and appreciate who I am?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I can I can relate.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can definitely relate to that.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think most women can.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: What is the difference between understanding a pattern and changing how we respond?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: To some extent, we can certainly bring mindfulness in.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's always discomfort in that, especially when the version of ourselves that we became to survive is very strong.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: So usually it started in before adulthood.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: It started in childhood, that version of us.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if you say you've been a people pleaser, well, that's not who you are.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a little bit of give and receive.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes it's hard to be vulnerable and accept some kind of support.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard to open up and receive that.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: It does not feel safe, and that's entirely understandable.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: At some point, we can't do everything alone.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: We are humans.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: We are meant to be in community, we are meant to be in relation, but we need to be discerning about who that is and where that is and what that is.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: So at some point, it it's we need to take the coach's hat off, love ourselves for who we are now, and while still moving forward.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's you're not gonna be the same person you were a year, five years, ten years ago, you're not her.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: She's evolving, she's not gone.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: So there's that, I think that balance between accepting some outside support as as needed at certain junctures without feeling like you're broken.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think something you said before too, is like we think that healing is a destination, but like healing never really ends.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're always evolving to expand on that.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're always evolving as humans in general.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like who I am today is not gonna be again who I am in five years, just like you said.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And even then I'll have something, another layer.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's not like you're uncovering flaws, it's just an opportunity to expand instead of constrict because trauma keeps us constricted.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's a protective response.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: So when we have an opportunity or a lived in a lived experience, or maybe an invitation to step out of our comfort zone, which is for me being an entrepreneur pushes me that way in rapid speed versus just living a fairly comfortable life.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: So the opportunities arise through just natural living.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: So going through life changes of my children getting older, graduating high school, one going off to school, that's an invitation to heal and become another version of me.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, our our versions of ourselves are always consistently gonna change, especially in the different parts of your life.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you help a lot of people transition from that, and that's really beautiful.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh how might living in survival mode show up in everyday life, especially when someone thinks it's just normal.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I look for the pendulum swing sometimes.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we go from like go, go, go, go, push, push, push to shut down.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: That pendulum swing, that's not a resilient nervous system.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a flaw, it's just a signal.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if you find that you might get either overstimulated, hyper-aware, you might call it anxiety, or you might be on the other end where you tend to shut down a lot, procrastinate, not but move forward, stop doing the things that are important to you.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's more like the shutdown.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you can't come back to center.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: So center is where I'm good.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm able to connect, be present, think, feel creative, breathe.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: When you can't have that movement back to center again, where it's just I feel good, I'm okay, right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we're waiting for that exhilaration.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: When I finally have that relationship, that job, that money, that weight loss, then although you know what, those moments are very short.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: What's in between?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: So those are just, you know, if the general feeling is either go, go, go, push, push, push, hyper aroused, hyper-anxious, or low.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking clinical depression, but you tend to be kind of low, and everything feels like gloom and doom, like the future is just going to be a repetition of the past.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Those are examples of it in emotional or physical state.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like so, I do have a resource that I'll provide for the show notes.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's called the dental trauma assessment.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you can explore this quite eye-opening list of um physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms that are often connected with trauma.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll clarify too that it's not always just one big thing.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not necessarily that.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Although there is quite often a lot of that in the mix.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes what were you deprived of long term, what didn't happen to make you feel worthy.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's a slow drip of what uh what did happen that made you feel unsafe emotionally, mentally, physically.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the scary part is is doing and going deeper, but then it's so rewarding when you actually like move through that for your what does gentleness actually look like when someone is actually trying to change a deeply rooted pattern?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think the first thing is compassion towards ourselves is the very first thing.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rather than judging and seeing ourselves as flawed and needing to fix something, it's understanding that our body is very wise and everything it's done is to protect us, and understanding that I need to protect you and that's its job, keep you safe.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Not fulfilled, not maximizing your potential, surviving.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like one of my clients.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're thinking about gentle, we're not gonna just dig in there and root it out and force it to the surface at home, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta breathe into it and let your body reveal what it's ready to process.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if something's coming to surface a lot, you're like, I think that's a message for my body.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: So usually when I start with someone, what it looks like with gentle trauma releases we're very strategically working with the nervous system versus just doing somatic work and exercises, what it is is strategic.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: So your body starts to understand that whatever is hiding under rocks, so to speak, and anchoring your body in that protective, bracing, hyper-vigilant or shutdown response.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um when your body resolves it, it is gentle because we don't have to keep poking that same wound again.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: It actually becomes resolved.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like that kept me at times from receiving coaching because I'm like, I don't want to keep talking about this stuff.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't want to relive it again and again and again.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Who wants to do that?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: So the the difference here is we're resolving as we go.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So that thing that your body was holding on to has it's let go of and it doesn't return.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that it's accumulative, like draining the bathtub.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you start to be more resourced.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: So you need to have the capacity to be a little bit uncomfortable, at least for short intervals as you go.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your your your body's telling you something and what it just needs to be heard.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Basically.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Can rest or peace feel unfamiliar when someone is used to being on high alert?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it can be very uncomfortable.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: So if you can't sit still, this is where I find something will come in to distract.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just another way of checking out.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you might have heard it called dissociating.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's more of a jargon, but it's basically when you check out.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: So if you or a body knows that if you sit still the bothersome thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, or the threat of somehow being shamed for being still and resting, that can come up.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's it's helpful to know too that by releasing the excess of trauma in the body, it's not just about not feeling bad, it's about being able to be feel good and hold that and sit in it and receive it.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because usually you have, I'll find women will have a really good day, you know, a wonderful experience, and then the anxiety goes up.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they're waiting for the shoe to drop because that's what their experience was.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Something good was followed by something bad.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, what is a dental trauma release?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like what what happens in a session and what evidence supports the approach?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think you kind of went through that, but can you get deeper into that?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so there is a structure to it.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's elegance and simplicity to it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: At its core, it's based on research that already exists about the nervous system and trauma, and it's done in a way that's very elegant, like it's successive, but the intuitive part is I'm with you.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're working together, not every client experience is going to look the same because we'll see what's presenting for you and where we need to linger a bit, or where we need to move this way or that way.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: But we always start with looking at the symptoms that you're experiencing: physical, emotional, or motivational symptoms that are the most bother bothersome for you and when they showed up.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's usually during a time in their lives.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it's a specific time.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So at the early stages, we look for events around that that are anchoring a trauma response in your body where it's still frozen, numb or brace saying, resolve that event so that your body puts it away on the shelf and goes, okay, I'm I'm done with that.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the intensity is gone.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's no longer intrusive, it's no longer bothersome, it's no longer close to you, you're no longer in it.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that in itself is so amazingly freeing to know that that's possible, and it is over and over and over.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: But then you start to change because as you get unburdened, your brain starts to change.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: You see things through more empowered lenses, more realistic lenses, or without the shame and judgment.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you can have an identical experience, and first this meant something's wrong with me.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then you'll come out of it that day and go, actually, that was them.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what the meaning was that that was them, not me, or whatever it is.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's a more empowered lens.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: And oh, well, this doesn't mean that anymore.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Put it away, and then you start to change.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Depending on a person's experiences, we're also dealing with the residue of trauma.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: So it's your sense of self, how you see yourself in the world, how you see the world and the possibilities, the boundaries that you probably need to develop that you haven't had, or the maybe overly rigid boundaries, the sense of self-care, how you communicate, how you maintain your well-being.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: So we go from, you know, having enough trauma that it's becoming affecting your life in a bothersome way, to releasing that, clearing the residue of trauma and actually building a new sense of self.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: So you're emerging with an identity that's more you now, not you 25 years ago, you now, and you feel like you can maintain your well-being and trust yourself.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of the journey.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: That does sound like quite the journey.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's honestly so beautiful.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like the fact that you're able to hold space for somebody in that capacity and help them through that, and they walk out like it's so that sounds so empowering.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's why it doesn't drain me.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes people will be, how do you sit with that?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, it's not hard because first of all, I try to take care of myself.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm feeling like an okay human, first of all.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm in this grounded place of I'm here to witness you, I'm here to facilitate you going from where you are now to over here.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do that.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's gonna work because if it's a good fit for us to work together and you're willing, we're gonna end up there one way or another.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it takes the pressure off to stop you from feeling bad or from me absorbing it all.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's almost like an inevitability.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you're gonna end up in this different place.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: How it looks for you, I'm waiting to see.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: But we know we're gonna go there.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you must see some really powerful sessions and like that.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: That must that must be beautiful to see.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love hearing about that.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and to see how it unfolds too.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for you, exactly.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like I can imagine that it would make somebody feel so supported while they're being guided through it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas, because that could be scary.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: It could be scary to walk into and and have to relive things or just revisit things, I should say.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's really empowering.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about listening to the body and fighting it instead of fighting it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, what changed your perspective from focusing on external wellness outcomes to looking uh beneath the surface?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I find there seems to be a bit of a division.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm working with women on fitness goals, they want to, you know, really have habits that help them feel strong, energized, confident, maybe they want to lose some weight.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: What I find is there's a divide.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: So for some women, they can make changes, make themselves a priority, and it's they can take it in stride.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then for other women, it's an endless battle.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what's causing the endless battle?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Is it because they're not motivated enough?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: No, I don't think so.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or else they wouldn't have started over a hundred times.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's more about what's in the way and what do we need to.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Get underneath or support so that it becomes easy.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: So there's so many times that I've worked with women just starting with dental trauma release first to get them to a better place.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't take that long, by the way.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: They naturally start achieving their other goals without me coaching them on it first.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So one woman lost 100 pounds after our work together, not immediately, but over the course of the following year.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Did we talk about food?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Another woman stopped restarting her popular diet for the hundredth time in her adult life and stopped restarting the diet and lost the weight she wanted to and got fitter and stronger and had the courage to do things she didn't before, like wear a swimsuit and do aquicides or try new things.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just when we get underneath what's in the way, the next things become so much more doable and also more enjoyable.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no kidding.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's pretty incredible.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: How does the way we speak to ourselves affect our relationship with food, exercise, and body image?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's what I find.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: So quite often I'll work with women and we'll get to well, when did you start thinking about your body?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: When did you start thinking about your shape, size, weight, thinking about losing weight?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And in more than one instance, I hear six years old.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Six years old.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: So if I connect with a woman in her, you know, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, am I gonna have her go and do a diet when that's how she started?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, this wasn't the problem, right?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: So what this is why when I learned about the moderation 365 method, which is in one of the coaching programs I have, it goes so well with women who've been also injured by diet culture.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll emphasize the word cult.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: So one of my clients shared with me that the food rules that were programmed into her head from a diet she was on, with just a program that still exists, is you can't eat more than a thousand calories a day.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: That won't sustain a salamander, let alone a grown woman.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then she was shamed because she had had added onions to her stir fry, because there was too many carbs in onions, and she was shamed, and that stays with her.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: So what I see is like just a potential for more wounding when the the culture of dieting is mixed with early onset body image shaming and our relationship with food that is formed as a comfort or a support mechanism.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been the way the same way.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've gained rapid weight in a short period of time when I was really stressed and I was avoiding something, feeling something, or that I just was sitting in that avoidance while eating.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: So do I think it's okay to want to shape your body and look your best?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: But do I want to do it in a way that makes you hate yourself?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think it's either or.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you can like what you're doing, like where you're going, and like the like you like how you're doing it instead of hating every minute and hating yourself.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Something you said struck me.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: I have a six-year-old.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she I was actually shocked that she's already like saying things like mommy, do you think I'm fat?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because somebody called me fat at school.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: And like that's so heartbreaking because I too have struggled with my weight growing up and the things that even family members would say.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: How would you handle something like that?
• 25:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like how like how do I yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like as a mom, like how do I help her?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's what you model because a lot of these women in this situation, they were body shamed by a parent, so continually berated by a parent about their weight.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, what chance do you possibly have to emerge with a nice, yeah, with a healthy body image?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: But what you model is really going to be what makes the difference.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're kind of unbothered by what media and like so make sure you, if you notice yourself commenting on your weight, that you stop and really promote strength, health, energy, being able to move and feeling powerful and enjoying your body.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think is really valuable is what you model for her as a woman.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: You show her as a woman what it means to be a woman.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that language that you use is typically gonna override.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if she's being bullied, that you can address that.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, Mama Bear comes out, but yeah, you can also maybe research about her those internal boundaries, because there's always gonna be someone with something obnoxious to say.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: And there's always gonna be something with something stupid to say.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's also about eh, I don't care what you think, or okay.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because I kind of I kind of did like say that I'm like to her, like thing, like what what he says doesn't mean it's true, first of all, and that you're perfect exactly just the way you are.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like I that's the kind of thing I try and and and speak out loud to her.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I've ever shamed myself.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's good news.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so even more you speak out loud, like you're really modeling to her what a empowered woman is.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, wow, I love that I have the energy and strength to do this.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate blah blah blah.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so just those affirming words, it's not even just about your appearance, but it's like I appreciate what my body does.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I love being able to do things with my body, and I appreciate my health and my energy and teaching her to be unbothered by other people's BS.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, obviously, we need to manage her environment at that age.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: She's very vulnerable and she needs to be safe.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it's more like, I don't care what you think.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I care what you think?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's more that inner boundary of I'm not absorbing every bit of drama that's flung my way when we start to practice that.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, I like me and I don't care what you think, right?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not concerned about what you think kind of attitude is helpful.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm trying to do.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: From now on.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you do you speak a lot about food noise.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can we talk a little bit about what food, uh, what you mean by food noise and what different what different factors can be contributed to it?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the the way I've talked about it often is that it does start typically with it's a nervous system issue.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if we if food is on our mind a large portion of the day, that's a nervous system issue, right?
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Unless there's something underlying that's medically undiagnosed.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: But that's I find that's usually not the case.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you haven't heard or not familiar with, don't relate to the term food noise, which is just really being thrown around a lot, especially in conjunction with GLP1s and women looking for a solution.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes it's thinking ahead.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what am I gonna eat for supper?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or what did I eat last night?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, I that wasn't very good.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: I could have done a lot better.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Why did I do this?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Why didn't I do that?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to this event and there's gonna be food there that I it's not my allowed food, it's bad food.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: What am I gonna do?
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then you find yourself there and you eat to the point of discomfort because you've been denied those things or they're forbidden.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I like to do when we're working with that is is to remove the judgment and the emotional charge attached to food.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because we need to live in a world where food is delicious.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's not changing.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about how we feel in ourselves and being able to do the most important things kind of semi-automatic, like it's a given.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna eat this way and have this as my main foundational thing.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then if I have a piece of cake, I'll have a piece of cake and I carry on with my life.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't eat four more pieces of cake because I'm starting a diet on Monday.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I do find, like, for example, this these women that I mentioned that lost a significant amount of weight.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: Working with the nervous system and what it's carrying, it's usually a trauma response to some extent.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Getting out from under that to make the next steps of having an intentional way of eating very doable and almost innate because you're really connected to your body's signals again.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because diets make us dumber, okay?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: They teach us to follow rules instead of following hunger cues and satiety and what foods we really need and what foods aren't that great for us.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: Diets make us dumb as far as our body's messages.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: I find that diets also contribute because, excuse me, the food rules start to become almost cult-like programming, like this one client that I mentioned with the onions and the thousand calories.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she wasn't even doing that diet anymore for years and years, and those rules were right at the top of her mind.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'd be interested to ask you then do you think that because, for example, someone like me, I'm Portuguese background, and we hear a lot like, oh, don't eat that bread.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're eating so much bread.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like having that in your mind makes you making you feel guilty, then I guess this would be an example of the food noise.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Would that actually be how do I explain what I'm trying to ask?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like my nervous system would automatically like if I if I didn't have that in my mind, if I didn't have those thoughts and that that you know inside noise going on, would that affect my body differently?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, it does.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: Did I explain that right?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I I think I understand what you're saying.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the things that we work on early on in my, it's called the food satisfaction blueprint.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's one of my programs to help master satisfied eating and take the drama out of food, is that one of the first things we practice unraveling is the judgment attached to food.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because as soon as a food feels illicit or forbidden or taboo, we think about it nonstop.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you try to tell me that chocolate isn't good for me and I can't have any, I'm gonna be giving you the finger and running to the gas station and buying three chocolate bars and eating them, right?
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's just how the body works.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it's we need to remove the emotional charge and the judgment about it and be neutral.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're sitting there looking at as data.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: How do I feel when I have bread?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do I feel good?
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: Do I feel kind of bloated, right?
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: If bread isn't is something that I enjoy when I choose to have it, can I have just one piece?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's where we learn to, you know.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm gonna have a ice cream, I can have a bowl of ice cream instead of three, or eating from the tub, right, until it's gone.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's when I remove that forbiddenness, the emotional charge, and focus on what matters most, like we building those foundational things so that you're first of all well fueled, satisfied, your energy is stable, your blood sugar stable.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: Those are basic things because if you're underfed, your blood sugar is gonna crash, you're gonna reach for the nearest thing, right?
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's um a combination of the like the physiological strategy and then also releasing that emotional charge so that you can have that forbidden thing, the bread, the chips, the chocolate, whatever, around you without feeling like you're gonna totally go off the rails if you get it in your hands.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: Fair.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: How can strength training become a source of joy and confidence, particularly in midlife?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's if you're not there yet, but it's at some point it's like, well, what is happening with my body?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't recognize my body.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Why is it suddenly falling apart?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because the symptoms with menopause are unique to each woman.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, why can't I do this anymore?
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I not sleeping?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Why do my shoulders hurt now when I do this exercise before?
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was fine.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's all these things.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: But what I find interesting is that when women start training for strength, and that's not limited to gym rats, okay?
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I like to say gym queens instead of gym rats, but it's it's any woman living in a body, strength training is accessible to you.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: We just need to find the best way for you.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like you're flipping a switch.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: You something changes when you start focusing on strength.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: You change.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: And this isn't this is way before the muscles start popping, because that takes time.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so one-on-one woman went from having daily panic attacks to maybe once every two weeks only from lifting.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: That was the only thing she was doing differently.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I own this, I have tenacity, I have grit, I'm a lioness.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also like this is something I have control over that I can do for myself to invest in the life that I want.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like the years you have ahead of you that you're excited about.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: That strong mobile body is rooted in strength training and mobility.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just a matter of finding someone to meet you where you're at to support you properly in that journey and not make you hate it, not injure you.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: So this is why, you know, I work online with women a lot.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: With I have an app that I work with women so that they can either go to the gym, train at home, combination of both, and feel like I've got this.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually doing this.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe this is happening.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I like women to experience.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's um let's talk about self-trust and reclaiming power.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, that is kind of a form of taking your power back right there.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: What shifts when a woman begins to trust herself again, in your opinion?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I find that you relax a little bit.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of like when I first start working with women and we recognize that trauma's affecting them in some way, and we get to the point where a lot of that has been cleared.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: When you're back in your body, you don't need to be ruminating out about the past endlessly or thinking 400 steps ahead and trying to think about everyone's possible feelings about what you're doing or anticipating all the potential scenarios.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, use your head.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: But when you trust yourself, your body will speak to you all the time in real time.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like our intuition is not accessed consciously all the time because that's too much information, but our body is very aware.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: And when we can listen to our inner wisdom and trust our inner wisdom, we care less about other people's judgments of our decisions.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_01: We care less about thinking 400 steps ahead, and we can respond in real time to our existence, whether it's even crossing the street because that that guy feels a little sketch.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go over here, and your body's like, nope, spidey sense is here.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Or whether it's how you respond to an invitation, maybe you say yes, or maybe you say no and be okay with that.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I talk a lot about your our inner compass in my work, and that's that's how I explain it too.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, is it a hell yes or not an alignment, or but like your spidey senses, what you said?
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's what I always say.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is, it's like a spidey sense we have.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And when we get connected and really get familiar with our relationship with ourselves, and it does, like you said, it shows up in your body.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: Here's something else to consider too is when we stop overriding ourselves, because sometimes if like if a woman was dating a guy and you know, when many, many dates pass when she initially knew he wasn't the guy for her, really.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: When we stop overriding ourselves, we feel safe because our body knows we're not going to override what it's trying to tell us.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or they might call that self-abandonment, that's thrown around a lot, is basically when you override your truth, your your authenticity, your well-being, your preferences, your safety to accommodate, not rock the boat, or accept scraps of attention, love, inclusion.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: When you stop doing that, your body feels safe because your body's like, oh, she's got me.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: She's gonna listen.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you just feel better.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: How can we distinguish what we genuinely want from what we were taught we should want?
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's a practice.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: It is a practice.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: What I find is interesting is again working with the unconscious nervous system first, which is what we're doing with gentle trauma release.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: We're working with your unconscious nervous system.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: What's interesting is that you change and you see things differently, and suddenly you're like, hmm, yeah, that doesn't feel right for me anymore.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you will figure that out for yourself.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I've had this happen with relationships, jobs, religion.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't try to tell people what to do with religion, but I've had clients recognize I don't like this.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like how this makes me feel, I don't like what it's trying to make me be.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I like hold space for women to find what is more authentic for them versus me steering them any direction, right?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because if someone's in a faith and they're that's them, cool.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's that, and also you part of the process, like when I talked about clearing the trauma residue and and some of the exercises we do is working directly with body intuition to understand how it speaks to you.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so for me, if I have something like it's a full body yes, I almost feel it like energy through my sit bones.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I can go, oh, that's that's a yes, right?
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: And we tend to start to recognize yes, no, not right now, what we're leaning into, what we're kind of shutting down with.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: We start to recognize how our body speaks to us.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it is a practice.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Give yourself grace if you collapse into people pleasing, pushing, forcing, overriding.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna happen.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're human.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's but more and more and more you start to recognize that's a yes, that's a no, that's not for me anymore, or this is for me, even though it's not who I was.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a little bit unnerving, a little bit disorienting.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I talk about you need to be resourced through that.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: So you're not just setting your whole life on fire in a short period of time before your nervous system has caught.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: But you'll start to recognize, you'll start to recognize more and more.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not sure, spend some time in your body doing something that's not about that.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: A walk, a bath, listening to music, dancing, and then check in.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: If if it didn't make me a bad person, if no one could be hurt, if I woke up tomorrow and could be whoever I wanted with this, what would where would I be with this?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I think that too, like once you when you're not listening to your body, and I'm sure you've seen this, I feel like that's when we kind of start to spire as fire.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like if, for example, that relationship example that you showed, it's like if you don't listen to the red flag here or there or there or there, eventually, like your body it almost shows up like anxiety.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: At least that's how I can explain it from my point of view, because everyone's different, everyone experiences everything differently.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that's what kind of accumulates.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like your body's always, always telling you you just gotta listen.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta make space to listen.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when you can't trust yourself, right?
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're just scanning the horizon for threat nonstop.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if someone spent uh if someone has spent years being who everybody else wants or needed them to be, where can she begin to discover herself?
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I would lean into play.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: What what feels good to you, right?
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: So brings you joy.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like around, I would think it was around 2017 or so.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a little backstory.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: When I was about 17, I had, I was at school, I was watching some young women my age singing a duet, and I'm like, I wish I could do that.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't pursue it because it I was like, that's not me.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's not me.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then later around 2017, I was working in my business, doing all kinds of things, and I kept thinking about singing.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why am I thinking about this?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I ended up taking singing lessons just for fun, just not to become something, but just for fun.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was wildly uncomfortable and it felt incredibly vulnerable to be singing and very much out of character.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it was like my soul calling to me like, you need to do this.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is for me.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: For me.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: So if if you lean into something that makes you feel good that's not practical, necessary, or productive, yeah, why not start there?
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: Practical takeaways since we're already going there.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: What is one small, compassionate step a listener can take today to reconnect with themselves?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was working with a client recently, and quite often we'll come up with some little practical steps as well to support the direction they're going.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: And when do you have time for reflection?
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_01: So if you have zero, no time for reflection, let's start with that.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes, might be like alone time in the morning, like with your tea or coffee, a journal, music, whatever, looking at the birds, or maybe it's before bed.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: You take some quiet time and just think about how do I want to show up for myself?
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's today or tomorrow, like thinking of where you the time of the day, but how do I want to show up for myself today?
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: I found one client was found this immensely helpful rather than thinking, well, I need to be more disciplined, I need to do this and that.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's like your body's like rebelling.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: When your body's pushed and forced, it's reaching for the emotional support potato chips right after that, right?
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: So she found it very helpful to just ask herself, how do I want to show up for myself?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then she'll list a few things that make sense to her.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're kind of centering yourself in your own life instead of being like a side piece in your own life.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're the center, it's yours.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: How do you want to show up for yourself?
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I I speak of that a lot that a lot too.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, why is it that we with our own relationships, we're like, oh, we need we need to go out for a date, we need to do this.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: But like romanticize you, or like what about the relationship with you?
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's that's a great key on that one.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do you hope that the whoever's listening right now gets from this conversation?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: Let's move in the direction of liking yourself, trusting yourself, and respecting yourself.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: So if something in your life is going in the opposite direction of that, let's think about a different way you could go.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: How might you show up for yourself in a way that you're liking, trusting, and respecting yourself?
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because all roads lead to that, right?
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: When you like, trust, and respect yourself, it's gonna ripple out into every aspect of your life.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do a big overhaul, but pick something within reach that you can do to move towards that.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love that now, Ramona, where can people find you?
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I have a couple websites.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: One is specific to the gentle trauma release method, so it's more of a deep dive, gentletraumacoach.com.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I will provide the links for my the free download that I mentioned.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: I also have a lot of my socials are under Ramona K coaching.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: So my website, Ramona Kcoaching.com, and then on Instagram and Facebook, YouTube, Ramona K Coaching.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I will get that information for you and I will have it in the uh notes for this episode.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Ramona, for this conversation.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: If there's one thing I hope listeners remember, it's that growth doesn't always require pushing harder.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it begins with listening more closely, meeting ourselves with compassion, and choosing a different way forward.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for spending this time with me here on.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not already following me, you can find me on Instagram at iammarisa.com.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonates, it's quite a lot of likely writing by sharing this podcast and finding me to second first only.