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The Sex Myths That Ruin Relationships · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: If a veteran has an injury like he can't get his penis up anymore, you would think a medical professional would say something and offer options, but wasn't talked about.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: A couple years down the road, a nurse finally looks at him who's comfortable enough to say, hey, did you know there are these other options?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: There are things out there that you can do.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, oh my God, why didn't anybody tell me this?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: I would still be married right now.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: So it's knowing you have options.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: If you are stuck anywhere sexually, there's options.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Lots and lots of options.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: There's always a way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: Please understand we are not therapists.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: We are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Would you like to meet your spirit guides or build a deeper connection with them?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: If so, I have an online self-guided course with simple exercises and recommendations to help you build your connection with your spirit guides in your own way and at your own pace.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: If you're interested, please check it out at www.angelashelby.com or click the link in the show notes.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast, where souls, sexuality, and real life meet.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: And along with our own dialogue, we channel in information from ascended masters, angels, archangels, spirit guides, and other friends in spirit.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: And we talk about things like spirituality, sexuality, desire, love, intimacy, pleasure, healing from trauma, and looking at life from a different perspective.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: We do our best to embody sensuality and spirituality and meet you where you are.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're not familiar with channeling, channeling is allowing higher-dimensional beings to use our voices and our bodies to bring in information and messages.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what are we talking about today?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Today is about how or what sex myths ruin relationships.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you stick around, you listen to some of these distortions and how we can just start to dismantle these areas so that we can connect with our relationships with truth and move and operate in that flow in that way.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: I like it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: So myth number one.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: I this is near and dear to my heart because when I was in nursing school, uh the horror stories that people live through because the medical complex failed them really drove it home to me and in some ways put me on this path even further of sexual advocacy.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um the myth is I can't talk to my doctor or medical profession uh professionals about my sex life.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I this is near and dear to me because, for example, uh one of the horror stories from my nursing school days was about this couple got married, loved each other dearly.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: True story.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: They ended up going to their doctor, but after like 20 years of being married and said, Well, we've never had sex.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: And they had never had sex because every time they tried, it was so painful for her.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that he they just stopped.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: And they felt they couldn't talk to anybody.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: And this is like during the like the 1960s, 50s and 60s.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it's yeah, definitely.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's back where you really didn't talk about the stuff.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it was because her labia were so big.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're not familiar with labia, they are the the fleshy parts outside of the woman's vagina, her vulva, the that stuff.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, her hers were so big that they were getting in the way and they were causing her pain.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: And they just didn't know what to do about it or how to deal with it.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: So for 20 years, can you imagine being married for 20 years and not having sex?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's love right there.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Deep abiding love.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: But it could have been handled with just a talk with a physician.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and handled correctly.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and you did bring up that this was a a while ago, but there's still definitely this distortion and this belief, too, that one can't go to their doctors and physicians and counselors and talk about these things.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so the it, you know, we are all humans, so there may be on their side, there could be some uncomfortableness, but it's part of what they learn.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: They learn these physical areas to help us, like you just shared, you know, this was part of her anatomy that was impacting and creating pain.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, physicians and doctors and medical practitioners, they learn the body and they know the body.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so they have all this valuable knowledge.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that includes to help support in all areas of our life, including our sex life.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it's important to understand that, you know, medical professionals are people too, and they have their own hangups and they have their own beliefs.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, another story I heard is about uh this couple that was into King can BDSM and um two men, and one of the things they like to do was like anal play and anal stretching, and uh, they were into like spanking and stuff to the point where it left marks.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: And for them, that was pleasure, that was good.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: So this young man goes in for his like proctology exam, and his doctor is appalled and is going out to report, is getting ready to go out and report like domestic abuse.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: And that poor man was like, I'm no, you don't get it.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, this is this is how we play, this is important to me, this is not abuse.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it was very close to becoming like a legal situation.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: So like I can understand the fears and uh how it can backfire or being concerned about it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that being said, it's important to seek out medical professionals who are like-minded and like you and who are willing to talk about this stuff.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, how do we do that?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: If you're with a doctor who you've been with for a long time, bring it up.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: If you bring up something sexual or you have a question and they can't give you an answer, or they act like they're freaked out or they're weirded out, okay.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry about it.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Keep looking.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're not for you.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: Asking.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: It has nothing to do with you, it's them being caught up on their own stuff.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: But don't give up, you keep searching.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: And this is what I also love.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: We have medical professionals that are all about sex now.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: They're all about helping you have better sex, they're all about, you know, your anatomy, they're to help with all of that stuff.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: So ask, don't be afraid to ask.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: And again, should you get a less than optimal response, don't take it personally, has nothing to do with you.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: Keep looking.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: You just haven't found the right person.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, good stuff.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Good stuff.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm hoping medical professionals are watching this and you know, learning to be more comfortable with ourselves so that we can be more comfortable with other people and their sexual side.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's truly a very conscious and practical way to show how me tackling my sexual stuff helps my patients and my clients.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: And we can ask those questions.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love this.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh getting in deeper here.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we have another myth to to best.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Talking about how if someone can't get an erection anymore, that their sex life is over.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: So it us women, we have it really easy.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: As far as uh having arousal and poor man.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Man, if we can have sex even if we can't get an erection.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like we do get erections.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the clitoris gets that blood flow and it sits up and it's like, hello, and pays attention.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we do in our way get an erection, but we can still enjoy sex without getting one.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: A man, on the other hand, it can the myth, this is the myth that you cannot enjoy sex without an erection.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a huge thing, especially as you're aging and uh life happens, circulation problems happen, um, prostate problems happen.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, prostate surgery often it like it takes away your erection.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: You have to do like do an injection.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: There are special things you can do, and that's part of the myth.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: There are special things that you can do medically to help with that.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they have penis pumps, which are artificial implants that you can literally pump up and create an erection for yourself.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, special injections that before you're going to have sex, you can give them to yourself, get your penis to go up again.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: And if you never decided to have an erection again, doesn't mean you cannot enjoy sex.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: So that there are ways to cultivate an erection that are uh help when the body fails itself.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: But let's talk about other ways in which you can have fun without an erection.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you can have so much fun without an erection now.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we did we have talked about this before.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um orgasm without actual release, without actual um penetration, you know.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So essentially, right?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you don't right if you're not able to get an erection or you have something there.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: And we're talking men right now.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: So having an orgasm without ejaculating.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's a thing.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: That is a thing.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: And it it's something that is practiced and cultivated.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a practice.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And the there is, I was talking to someone too at a show recently where she was sharing actually this the same scenario that was happening.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Hey, uh, you know, you know, you can have orgasms for a really long time.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference between the orgasm and the release of the energy and the movement of the energy and actual physical ejaculation of, you know, semen and and all that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're learning these practices, you can call them connect tantra or just retention or retention is not ejaculating.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you can feel this orgasmic energy release and move through your body, and you that can go on for hours and hours and hours.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, if anything, you know, it's learning between all the partners, this practice, getting in tune with your body.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So there are practices to get in tune with your physical body, be more in the body, be connected to the senses in our body, and connection and intimacy with the partner, right?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Presence, and then all these other kinds of practices to connect in with having an orgasm, whether that is starting with we've talked about before, eye gazing, touch, sensual experiences, and then other types of foreplay that are really pleasurable and learning to move that energy, whether that's from our PC muscles.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the exact name of it because sometimes I can't pronounce it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I, but moving that from our our um pelvic region where you feel like where you yearn, you know, where you urinate, you hold that um and you pump the muscles up, and you start to feel the razzle energy in your pelvic region, and you visualize and move that energy up, and you start to feel bliss in orgasms throughout your entire body.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So the the energy is releasing and it just feels like bliss.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you can go on, you can go on and on and on.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that is my preferred method.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, we don't need we don't need any uh, you know, we don't need any erection way to spice up a board meeting.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: If you're bored, just do some pumping of those PC muscles, and life got interesting and no one will know.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: Just keep it very quiet.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can drive, you're on a long road trip and you can practice.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've had that.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely had that when my kundalini was rising, and that was unintentional.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, it this is this is the journey of understanding.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: There are other things out there, and actually, I look at it as a blessing and opportunity to like extend the pleasure longer than I don't know how long, and you know, ejaculation and the orgasm that feels from that a minute, 30 seconds.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you can then go to hours, just keep it, just keep it going.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it rolling, keep it going.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: So we don't have deep details on this.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is more about making sure you know there are other options and other ways to pursue.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, another story, I think I've shared it before.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: War veteran came home, he was injured, and it totally destroyed his ability to have an erection, ruined his marriage because he felt so bad.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: He felt like he was disappointing his wife and literally led to divorce.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like a year or two later, a nurse talked to him.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: This is another one of those nursing school horror stories we were told about, because if a veteran has an injury like he can't get his penis up anymore, you would think a medical professional would say something and offer options, but it wasn't talked about.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: A couple years down the road, a nurse finally looks at him who's comfortable enough to say, Hey, did you know there are these other options?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: There are things out there that you can do.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, Oh my god, why didn't anybody tell me this?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: I would still be married right now.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: So it's knowing you have options.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: If you are stuck anywhere sexually, there's options.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: Lots and lots of options.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's always a way.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the important part with support and receiving support and being open to receiving support.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that it does not have to mean that the relationship is over.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or that you can't go out and date.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: As well.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's another thing.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, if you're not in a relationship, like I don't even want to go out because of this.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And now we know there are these options.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: So go in and get connected with tantral practices, go in and you know, ask for medical help and support from people that know what they're doing.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Counselors, therapists.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there are people who specialize in everything.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: There's people who specialize in anal sex, there's people who specialize um in non-penetrative vaginal intercourse.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: There's, I mean, yeah, it is the age of specialization.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: There's so much out there.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like there's always a way.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And there's other, there's other avenues too.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll have someone on the show in the future talking about like uh orgasm through prostate.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited for that one, truly.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So there are there are just other avenues out there as you start to connect in.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: You see, okay, you know, this is the thing.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we can I see sometimes too have seen things and have learned that on my own journey, my own being my own block to my own orgasm, and we can be our own blocks to our own physical stuff too.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So obviously there are other medical things that happen in the journey, but um sometimes even it could be getting support and understanding if it is a physical versus a psychological um impairment with that erection too.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_02: And they often go hand in hand because when your body is damaged, it affects your psyche, it affects your mindset.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it wasn't his body that destroyed his marriage, that poor veteran.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was his it was the damage it did to his belief in himself.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and what he had to offer the world.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so just busting these myths out here.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: So was another one.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Another one that if cheating happens in your relationship, that the relationship is over.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's a tough one.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really saying it's easy.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Not saying it's easy.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: The myth is more of that the fact that that okay, it's it, it is over and it is done.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe there's a couple things, there's so many things with this.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: There is, first of all, just ownership and accountability on, I think, like the the person that did the cheating, right?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a reason why we do everything.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times there's avoidance, a lot of times there's pain.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we feel like we're not maybe getting something from a partner, but that is also our ownership and responsibility to communicate, right?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And all these things.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I believe that if both parties are willing to step into their own stuff and like move forward.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I I had this when we were talking about this episode, I had this Sex in the City scene come up where it was Steve and Miranda.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so Steve did the cheating.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so basically, it's the show, it's a beautiful show, and the therapist was talking to Miranda, and Miranda was married to Steve.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: He cheated on her.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so the therapist was like, Well, you have to now decide going forward.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Can you go forward without going backwards again?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of times people will play out the loop of, oh, you did this and this happened two, three years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, and they're still holding their partner accountable.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: So then at some point, we have to be take ownership of what actually we want to do.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: If we do really want to move forward, then we can't take it out on the other person if we've right, we've talked out, we've talked out this talking down the road.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: We should get all of our feelings out in anger and communicate.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: But at some point in the in the show, Miranda or show or movie, Miranda and Steve decide to meet on the bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if they decided that if they actually met, they were gonna move forward and take the steps forward to be together with each other and leave the past in the past.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's this beautiful journey and representation that you can apply to any area in life, but it is a feeling of betrayal.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: So can the person who got cheated on also eventually start to look at and say, okay, I am ready to move forward, but I have to leave that in the past.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have to forgive myself, I have to forgive them, like, you know, step into the piece of clarity, talk it all through.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I I need to be part of that equation in there.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, if I've already made the decision, I can't, then that's okay too.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it it is ownership when you say, you know what, I want to try, then you have to try.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have to try to work through.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I feel betrayed.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, most likely too, we felt betrayed before in our life in other scenarios, and we're just repeating that mental energy from there.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a lot of times much deeper than the current situation.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I find there's a lot of other things that we're running our mind about.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't good enough for this and that and that in my life, and it's just amplified.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, yeah.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: There, I'm I don't know when I heard this.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was Carolyn Mace.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: I could be wrong.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it was a story, it was about it.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: A real story about a woman who her husband cheated on her.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: He did he got prosecuted.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: He was a dentist, and when his female clients were out in the chair, you know, uh drugged, he was taking advantage of them.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: He was doing things, you know, sexual things.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, he got prosecuted, he lost his license, and anyone would think that his wife would dump his ass, and she didn't.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: She stayed with him.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: It worked through it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: It was not pretty, but she decided to stay with him.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: She lost a bunch of her friends because she decided to stay with him.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: And when I heard that story, it really drove home to me how personal a choice it is, and that it is always a choice, it is always an option.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: And we can't ever judge people by that.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: And in any relationship, you can decide.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: You can decide whether to go forward or not.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: And exactly, regardless of what other people think.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um my own experience, my husband cheated on me, but he was going after underage girls.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, that was a hard no.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't do it, I couldn't stay with him.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_02: But that was my choice, and it is always a choice.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: I could have, I could have stayed and tried to dig in, but yeah, you know, it's it's for each and every one of us.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not instant death, and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it it comes down to our own sovereign decisions and moving with clarity in that and like where we're moving from, right?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: It this essence of who I am, and that, okay, that doesn't align.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that's, you know, we're gonna move in this direction.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or like, you know what?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know if I could see past it, but I you or whatever it is with with someone, I don't know if I could see past what they did, but I want to try because I do love them.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then you you see how it flows from there, but it is like this own sovereign decision here, and there's no right or wrong answer, but it's absolutely not a hey, it it this is done and over.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is based on choices of multiple people in the equation, multiple people in the equation to more than one.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: I have a friend, uh, very powerful person, very strong, independent woman, had a habit of being in marriages and relationships that could be abusive, could be really hard.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: She lived a really hard life that way.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and one of the things she said to me again that stuck with me, the luster had gone out of her current relationship.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, he was not treating her well anymore.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Why aren't you leaving?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you're such an independent, strong woman.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Why aren't you leaving?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: And she goes, Because it's not time yet.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, What do you mean by that?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, I need to know I did everything I possibly could.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I haven't learned everything I want to learn or experience yet in this relationship.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what it is, but I can tell.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's not time for me to leave yet.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: And we are the only people that can determine that.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I I love that, you know, we're we're the only people, we are the only people there.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I would probably say the one of the the last myths that we can get to in this episode is the myth that if your partner is more, say, like kinkier than you, you want to call it, or or what you may feel like a sexual desire misalignment and that it can't work because of that.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna we're gonna bust through this.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: So there's this great book.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's by Stephanie Gerlich, and it is called With Sprinkles, and she equates uh kinky relationships, kinky sex, uh, with the sprinkles on top of the vanilla, because we talk about vanilla sex and we talk about kinky sex, vanilla being like the normal, normal sex, culturally acceptable sex, yeah, as opposed to people on the outliers and fringes of that, you know.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and it's a great book.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: And uh she is a sex therapist, and it's all about these uh poor vanilla people that she has uh treated who find out their partners are really kinky.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they've been married to them for years and didn't realize that, you know, they like to be spanked, or I like to wear a furry costume when I fuck, or even these things and what these poor people go through, like the feelings of betrayal, you know, like why didn't you tell me?
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: How could I not know this?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: I must not be enough for you anymore because I'm just I don't do that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and how do we make this work?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the things I love in that book that she says, and I hope I'm not misquoting her.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: If I am, I'm sorry, Stephanie.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, look at any baking recipe.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, they all start with vanilla, it is the foundation, there's nothing wrong with it, and it's perfect.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like any of these sexual myths.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: If you there's a will, there's a way, there's always a way to find compromise if you are willing.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: And uh one of the things she brought up was that just because a partner's kinky doesn't mean they have to do their kinky stuff all the time or that they don't like vanilla sex.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, it there is no you you have to be kinky or you're totally vanilla.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Sexuality is such a broad spectrum of of things.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: We again, as humans, like to compartmentalize stuff because that's and label things because that's how our minds process information.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: But when it comes down to it, there are so many outliers outside of the boxes we put things in.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like when you look at it, I like how you're like, there's this, maybe this box that, like, okay, this is outside of like my box here that I'm normal of, someone may be thinking.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is that just being open and curious to understanding is part of the step.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because what you might find out is that, yes, maybe, maybe like really they're really, really kinky, or what you think of as kick kinky is not actually what they want.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: You may find out, you may have in your mind that that this is what kinky means because of the shit we see in movies or whatever, right?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you may have this perception of that, and so there's just openness and curiosity and listening and creating a space with your partner to hear.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then it goes down to kind of what you said too, right?
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: It has nothing to do with me and me not being good enough, me not being enough.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is just an aspect of expression that they're excited about.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what an opportunity to explore together, even if it hasn't been communicated, that person may have had a little shame around it.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so, wow, they get to express, and then you get to be there and listen and understand and just take it step by step.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like uh, hey, we're gonna go to 000 real fucking quick.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm gonna listen, I may process.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I may want to do that right away.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, or you know what?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: I need to process it.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, thank you for sharing.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if you have any other suggestions too on what how you may when in doubt, get help.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: If if at any time, I say this about any aspect of life.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: If at any time you're overwhelmed with an aspect of life, especially in relationships or sex or romance or find a counselor or a therapist.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: They are there to teach you a new skill set.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: For example, if you're a vanilla person and all of a sudden you find out that, you know, your partner likes to be spanked or do something really kinky.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't covered in Catholic private school.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: No, the nuns did not bring that up.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: You did not.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: So you need a new skill set.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_02: Go to a therapist or a counselor.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's what they are there for.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: They're there to teach a new skill set.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: That that would be my takeaway for today.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: When in doubt, like all things are possible.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: All you need to do is reach out for help and find the right skill set.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: And do not be deterred if you don't find it the first time around, or you're turned away.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_02: You just keep looking.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_02: Do not give up.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: There is always a way.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would I would say my takeaway is similar to actually how I ended it too, to just wrap up being open and being curious.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe we have perceptions of of reality and that, oh, this is happening in my reality, and this this is done.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now my relationship's over.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I just invite in curiosity and slowness and understanding, and really it comes down to creating safety within.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm safe or I feel good, I'm gonna operate in that flow.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the flow is, you know, it's not gonna work out.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if there's a scenario, no, you know what, this is not gonna work out.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: But dropping into safety and that knowing, like, okay, then I'm good.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if we're operating from fear, we're gonna make our decisions from that.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: So slowing down, getting in the body, cultivating safety and being curious, my takeaway.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: I like it.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Takeaway.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Takeaway.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, well, thank you for tuning in today to Rodic Spirit Podcast.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hope you enjoyed.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you have any comments, send your feedback in the comment section below.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: We're in all the major platforms.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Come follow us on social media and looking forward to next time.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: Join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: So join me online, myAwakeningWithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 33:05
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