Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I CHOOSE … to break free from people-pleasing with Chrissy Metz

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I CHOOSE … to break free from people-pleasing with Chrissy Metz · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

0:01
Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl.
0:08
Speaker 2: Hi.
0:08
Speaker 1: Everyone, welcome to I Choose Me, a podcast about choices. Today,
0:13
Speaker 1: I'm joined by Chrissy Mets, actress, singer, and author. Of
0:17
Speaker 1: course you know her from This Is Us, But get ready,
0:22
Speaker 1: she chose a new role a ferocious mama bear and
0:25
Speaker 1: the wildly addictive series The Hunting Wives. Okay, you guys,
0:32
Speaker 1: this show is so full of secrets and spice. You
0:37
Speaker 1: gotta watch it. Chrissy opens up about preparing for darker
0:41
Speaker 1: roles and finally finding her stride with personal boundaries. You're
0:46
Speaker 1: going to love my new friend, Chrissy Mets. Hi, Hi,
0:51
Speaker 1: they're beautiful.
0:52
Speaker 2: Were you?
0:54
Speaker 1: I'm great, it's so nice to meet you.
0:56
Speaker 2: It's so nice to meet you. I'm like, Wow, I'm
0:59
Speaker 2: glad that we're doing it, even if it's on zoom.
1:01
Speaker 2: I'm like, just so you know me too.
1:03
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you are having some kind of a moment, lady.
1:09
Speaker 2: You know, I think people think that, but it's just
1:12
Speaker 2: the timing, like everything, Yeah, you know, how it goes.
1:15
Speaker 2: It's like nothing and for famine, it's like and then
1:19
Speaker 2: optically it looks like, oh my goodness, like and it's
1:22
Speaker 2: great and it's wonderful, and I'm grateful because so many people,
1:25
Speaker 2: as you know, it takes a village. I mean, I
1:30
Speaker 2: listen to have a job, people to have a job,
1:33
Speaker 2: but I think it looks one way, you know, to
1:35
Speaker 2: the to the world. And then I'm like, oh, there's
1:37
Speaker 2: the reality.
1:38
Speaker 1: So of course, well, yeah, I mean I get it.
1:42
Speaker 1: To have a job is just the best feeling.
1:45
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you know, I always say that we're in
1:47
Speaker 2: the business of rejection, and I'm like, why did I
1:50
Speaker 2: how there's something to that, Chrissy, you did this on purpose?
1:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, we must like it.
1:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me it's like a self fulfilling
1:59
Speaker 2: prophecy where I'm like, well, nobody's going to choose me,
2:01
Speaker 2: and so why didn't I get into a business world?
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Speaker 2: I'll never feel chosen?
2:06
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's the whole point of this podcast.
2:08
Speaker 1: Guess what you have to choose yourself exactly.
2:10
Speaker 2: And I wasn't even like, you know, prepping that segue, but.
2:14
Speaker 1: I know, but yeah, I loved it. Well, let's just
2:17
Speaker 1: talk about The Hunting Wives. Yes, I had not watched
2:21
Speaker 1: it until last night, and then I started binging, of course,
2:24
Speaker 1: because I wanted to see what everyone was talking, what
2:28
Speaker 1: everyone was talking about, and I wanted to see your
2:30
Speaker 1: performance and I wanted to see your character so we
2:33
Speaker 1: could really talk about it. And I was it's fun.
2:37
Speaker 1: It's a really fun show to watch.
2:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I always try to preface with I don't
2:44
Speaker 2: know that. I'd watch it with my mom and watch
2:47
Speaker 2: that she has little boy, yes, and you know she's
2:52
Speaker 2: she said, five kids, so like she knows how the
2:55
Speaker 2: world works. But like seeing you know, and when we
2:59
Speaker 2: read it, it's so different than it coming to life
3:02
Speaker 2: and an actual television. You know, you're right.
3:06
Speaker 1: What did you think when you read like, let's just
3:08
Speaker 1: be specific, like all the sex, there's just sex all
3:11
Speaker 1: the time.
3:12
Speaker 2: Well, I was like, oh, thank goodness, I don't have
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Speaker 2: to do it.
3:14
Speaker 3: But your first thought, though, I'm like, would just be
3:19
Speaker 3: the you know, very sweet kind who's just trying to
3:24
Speaker 3: fight for her daughter.
3:25
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, because you know, as you know, no
3:28
Speaker 2: matter what we do, it's going to come with thoughts, opinions, criticism,
3:32
Speaker 2: and luckily with Starr in particular, the role that I played,
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Speaker 2: I I know that woman. My mom was a single mom.
3:39
Speaker 2: I grew up in the South. Like it felt good
3:43
Speaker 2: to also champion women like that and to also know
3:47
Speaker 2: that those stories get to be told, and also that
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Speaker 2: this woman's not going to roll over and just let
3:52
Speaker 2: these people treat her any kind of way.
3:54
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if there's anybody do you
3:57
Speaker 1: think there's anybody that hasn't seen it at this point?
4:01
Speaker 2: What happened? Yet? I'm sorry? Yeah?
4:06
Speaker 3: What?
4:06
Speaker 1: What would you summarize the show as, like in your mind?
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Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, I think in my mind it is, uh,
4:16
Speaker 2: you know, a group of ladies who are you know,
4:20
Speaker 2: I like to look at all the good in people,
4:22
Speaker 2: you know, so I'm like, oh, these are troubled women
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Speaker 2: who are searching for something, and each of us have
4:28
Speaker 2: something that we want. And so, you know, I think
4:31
Speaker 2: with Sophie Britney Snow's character, you know, everyone's like, she's
4:34
Speaker 2: so crazy. How in the world is she gonna let
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Speaker 2: this woman Margo, who yes Ackerman plays, how she gonna
4:40
Speaker 2: let this woman just like take her down and like
4:43
Speaker 2: make her do all that? And I'm like, this is
4:44
Speaker 2: a broken woman who feels sorry for herself. She's run
4:48
Speaker 2: over someone and killed them in her prior life in Boston,
4:51
Speaker 2: Like stuff.
4:53
Speaker 1: Is going on, you know, and so I'm deeply yeah.
4:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, trouble, trouble, and then poor you know Mallin's character, Margo.
5:01
Speaker 2: I mean, she's been fighting for her life, her whole life.
5:03
Speaker 2: You know, her mom left them literally like fending for
5:07
Speaker 2: themselves in a trailer park, trying to you know, bamboozo
5:10
Speaker 2: people for money so they could pay the rent. But
5:13
Speaker 2: you know, everybody's got something, you know, Poor Jill, she's
5:18
Speaker 2: you know, doesn't have a great relationship with their pastor husband,
5:20
Speaker 2: but they have to keep it together for the optics
5:23
Speaker 2: of the church. You know, there's just a lot going on,
5:26
Speaker 2: and I think that's where people enjoy it, whether they're like,
5:30
Speaker 2: oh I can't relate at all, or oh someone's better
5:33
Speaker 2: off or better than me. Oh, like there's just something
5:36
Speaker 2: in it for everyone, and it's you know, obviously salacious fun. Yeah,
5:41
Speaker 2: it's fun, like yeah, you know, I don't think it
5:45
Speaker 2: takes itself too seriously, which is nice. But then I
5:47
Speaker 2: feel like with Starr, I'm so grateful to play her
5:50
Speaker 2: because I feel like she sort of grounded you know,
5:53
Speaker 2: these women who you know, might be making decisions that
5:56
Speaker 2: aren't the best and not that Starr makes a decision
5:59
Speaker 2: that you know, leads to her demise that is not
6:03
Speaker 2: the best.
6:03
Speaker 1: But wait, don't spoil it because I haven't watched the finale,
6:07
Speaker 1: the last episode. Were you about to tell me, I'm
6:12
Speaker 1: not saying a word.
6:13
Speaker 2: I don't.
6:14
Speaker 1: Just give me another give me another few hours.
6:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, perfect, you're busy. But yeah, I just I
6:22
Speaker 2: think that it's so hard to summarize, you know, the show.
6:26
Speaker 1: But well, let's talk about your character, because you just
6:28
Speaker 1: told me that you're from the South. You know this character,
6:31
Speaker 1: you know this person. I believed that because when I
6:34
Speaker 1: was watching you, you felt very natural, very real, and
6:40
Speaker 1: you know, I it makes sense now that you say
6:42
Speaker 1: that that that you're from the South. That was your mom,
6:45
Speaker 1: you know, and I feel it when your character comes
6:47
Speaker 1: on screen, and I was I was wondering, like, are
6:51
Speaker 1: do you think that the rest of the group of
6:53
Speaker 1: women or the people in the show are depicted accurately
6:59
Speaker 1: for that kind of environment? Where's it?
7:01
Speaker 3: Hell?
7:01
Speaker 1: Is it in Dallas?
7:03
Speaker 2: It's set in Tyler, Texas, which is Tyler, Texas. But
7:08
Speaker 2: you know, I like run to the comments because I
7:10
Speaker 2: do want to see what people are saying, because obviously
7:12
Speaker 2: I didn't grow up in Tyler, Texas. But I grew
7:14
Speaker 2: up in the South, and Texas is very different from
7:16
Speaker 2: Florida North Florida. But a lot of people were, you know,
7:20
Speaker 2: ragging on the wigs and They're like what And then
7:22
Speaker 2: people would say, oh, no, this is what women are,
7:24
Speaker 2: like like, this is what they wear and these are
7:26
Speaker 2: the wigs. And I was like, oh, okay, you know,
7:28
Speaker 2: so that you're like, oh, okay, they got it right.
7:31
Speaker 2: You know. I think that again, everybody's always going to
7:34
Speaker 2: have an opinion, but I think that as far as
7:40
Speaker 2: perhaps the stereotype, you know, there's some truth into stereotypes,
7:45
Speaker 2: for better or for worse. So I do think that
7:48
Speaker 2: some people felt like, oh, they got this right.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels right. It feels like I'm transported to
7:55
Speaker 1: this lifestyle. Yeah, which is very like I feel like
7:59
Speaker 1: I'm Brittany's character because you're like, wow, what and where
8:04
Speaker 1: have I? What have I stepped into?
8:06
Speaker 2: Yeah? You don't work your wife?
8:08
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wow, that sounds cool, but you really had
8:13
Speaker 1: to kind of step into a much darker place for
8:15
Speaker 1: this role.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Then maybe you have before, maybe not, but this was
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Speaker 1: I mean I was watching and I was thinking, Wow,
8:27
Speaker 1: it's so great to see her. She has a teenage daughter.
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Speaker 1: I can really relate to, like that relationship that was
8:33
Speaker 1: happening when she was upset about the boyfriend and kind
8:36
Speaker 1: of really shut you out, and she was rude to you,
8:39
Speaker 1: and I was feeling for you as a mom, and
8:41
Speaker 1: then that what happened to your daughter happened. I don't
8:46
Speaker 1: want to spoil it for anyone either, right, And then
8:49
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, this poor lady.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and here are these people. Yeah, her as like
8:56
Speaker 2: a political side piece to like at.
8:59
Speaker 1: Your at the vision of your daughter. The guy says,
9:02
Speaker 1: I'm going to run for a governor.
9:04
Speaker 2: Now's the time, jed, now's the time. Who Durmatt played
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Speaker 2: and who I love? He's so wonderful. I'm like, you
9:10
Speaker 2: played such a jerk. You played it well, but I
9:14
Speaker 2: know it's you know, And anybody who feels marginalized, I
9:19
Speaker 2: think can relate to Star's character. And I definitely feel
9:22
Speaker 2: like I always relate to the underdog. I sort of
9:25
Speaker 2: felt that way in my family. I felt that way
9:27
Speaker 2: growing up. I felt the way being a big girl
9:29
Speaker 2: from a small town moving to LA So that is
9:34
Speaker 2: deeply within the empathy for me. So I can feel it. Yeah,
9:39
Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you. And it's funny because all the girls,
9:41
Speaker 2: of course, are so wonderful, but I remember like being
9:44
Speaker 2: in a scene and they're all like, you know, dressed
9:47
Speaker 2: to the nines and cute and polished and all that,
9:50
Speaker 2: and I'm just looking over there like, oh, this is
9:52
Speaker 2: only going to help my performance, this is only going
9:54
Speaker 2: to help me perform. But you feel like an outsider.
9:56
Speaker 2: You feel like an outcast. And you're like, yeah, you know,
9:59
Speaker 2: she's blast size girls. She's you know, she wears clothes
10:03
Speaker 2: probably from affordable places and just can't even afford a
10:07
Speaker 2: pair of boots for her poor daughters, you know, hiking
10:10
Speaker 2: trip and there's a lot in that. And you know,
10:14
Speaker 2: I'm not never been a parent. I have a dog,
10:16
Speaker 2: but I have ten nieces and nephews. And even when
10:20
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I want to like get them something,
10:23
Speaker 2: you know, I want to go on a trip with them,
10:27
Speaker 2: or go on a field trip, and I can't, it's like, oh,
10:30
Speaker 2: you feel like you failed, you know, And I'm just
10:33
Speaker 2: an aunt. I can't imagine as a parent, you know,
10:36
Speaker 2: it must be so so difficult.
10:38
Speaker 1: It is challenging. But being a dog mom is challenging too.
10:41
Speaker 1: My dog, Yeah, they keep me on my toes.
10:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, how many do you have right now?
10:46
Speaker 1: Three?
10:47
Speaker 2: Okay? Did you have before?
10:49
Speaker 1: Yeah? Five at one point? Or did you mixed the match?
10:56
Speaker 2: So I love that.
10:57
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also to notice with the show, like it
11:00
Speaker 1: made me start to think about female relationships because there's,
11:05
Speaker 1: you know, so much incredible momentum and talk right now
11:09
Speaker 1: about the importance of community and about women supporting women
11:13
Speaker 1: and mentoring other women. And I feel as if the
11:18
Speaker 1: energy I don't know if it's true for your experience,
11:21
Speaker 1: but in mind, it just feels like the energy of
11:24
Speaker 1: the female has really grown. Yeah, And I think this
11:29
Speaker 1: show made me go, hmm, these women aren't being very
11:33
Speaker 1: nice to each other.
11:34
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, right, which is unfortunate because the divisiveness of
11:41
Speaker 2: you know, when you're just trying to like big up
11:43
Speaker 2: your friends and you're trying to bolster them and champion them,
11:47
Speaker 2: and you know, it's never personal when they can't which
11:51
Speaker 2: these women obviously can't always do for each other. I
11:54
Speaker 2: think you see glimpses of like oh oh, even if
11:58
Speaker 2: it might be most from a selfish perspective.
12:02
Speaker 1: Or like they'll say something as soon as the girl's
12:06
Speaker 1: gun was discovered, then they're all talking about her behind
12:08
Speaker 1: her back, saying oh she was weird and all things.
12:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're like, wait a minute, but what you'll
12:15
Speaker 2: see whence you continue with the show that there is
12:19
Speaker 2: there is a special bond between Margo and Sophie I hope.
12:22
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, right, I like them together.
12:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little disordered, of course, but you definitely
12:31
Speaker 2: there is a Karen love and concern there. So and
12:36
Speaker 2: I think that's what art does, right, It imitates life,
12:40
Speaker 2: and so I think people can see themselves in the
12:43
Speaker 2: characters but also realize that, you know, we're all doing
12:47
Speaker 2: this life thing very imperfectly, Like who are we to
12:50
Speaker 2: judge what we do because we're here, because we're human.
12:55
Speaker 2: But it's fascinating. You know. There were female directors for
12:59
Speaker 2: the Higher series, which was really cool and I appreciated
13:03
Speaker 2: that because you know, this industry, particularly entertainment industry, is
13:11
Speaker 2: very male dominated in many ways, and so it is
13:14
Speaker 2: nice that there were so many women on the set
13:16
Speaker 2: and directing and front and behind the camera. So that
13:19
Speaker 2: was really cool. And there was a camaraderie there even
13:23
Speaker 2: if it wasn't on the show, it was definitely built
13:24
Speaker 2: in on set.
13:26
Speaker 1: That's so cool. How do you think, you know, with
13:35
Speaker 1: the messaging of the show, Like, I don't think anybody's
13:38
Speaker 1: taking it that to heart, but maybe they are. How
13:41
Speaker 1: can we be better?
13:42
Speaker 2: Like?
13:42
Speaker 1: How can we How do you handle female relationships and
13:48
Speaker 1: friendships and what are the importance of those for you
13:51
Speaker 1: in your life right now? Where you are?
13:53
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean I have two dear friends that knew
13:56
Speaker 2: me when I was baroke so broke i couldn't pay
13:59
Speaker 2: attention and they have met like my dearest friends since
14:02
Speaker 2: I moved to LA when I was one was my
14:05
Speaker 2: first ever agent, Jackie Lewis, and my O there is
14:08
Speaker 2: My name's Gina And she was actually the human resources
14:11
Speaker 2: at the agency I was represented at and eventually became
14:15
Speaker 2: an assistant and then an agent at for nine years
14:18
Speaker 2: in my former life.
14:19
Speaker 1: Oh my god, wait, you were an agent?
14:21
Speaker 2: Yes?
14:22
Speaker 1: Are you having PTSD right now?
14:24
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I'm so yes, I'm so grateful that
14:27
Speaker 2: I got to learn why I wanted to do this
14:30
Speaker 2: and that I could really understand the business from another perspective.
14:35
Speaker 2: You know when your agent doesn't call for a while
14:37
Speaker 2: and you're like wait and they are making phone calls
14:40
Speaker 2: on your behalf, but like all you know is you
14:42
Speaker 2: didn't get one. I do understand that perspective.
14:44
Speaker 1: Now, I guess that's good.
14:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is good. And also like I know how
14:48
Speaker 2: to read contracts, which is nice and helpful. So there,
14:52
Speaker 2: there's It was advantageous, but it was also really challenging
14:56
Speaker 2: because I always say this, but it's like watching your
14:59
Speaker 2: boyfriend take an other woman out every weekend. You're like, fun,
15:04
Speaker 2: have fun of that audition, that's fun on that date,
15:07
Speaker 2: my favorite table. You know, it feels that way. But
15:11
Speaker 2: I also realized that it's really important to be of
15:16
Speaker 2: service in life and just in general, no matter what
15:19
Speaker 2: you do, and it comes back tenfold, and that I
15:25
Speaker 2: was really able, Like there were so many advantages, Like
15:29
Speaker 2: I would interview people every day and I'm like, oh,
15:31
Speaker 2: now I know how to talk on a red carpet.
15:33
Speaker 2: You know. There were things that really it's a play
15:35
Speaker 2: that I had no idea. You know. I always think
15:38
Speaker 2: everything is working for our good right wherever we are, yes,
15:42
Speaker 2: no matter if we can see it or not. And
15:44
Speaker 2: so it was really helpful. A bit of a longer
15:47
Speaker 2: detour than I anticipated or expected nine years.
15:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it doesn't matter because you're exactly where you're
15:56
Speaker 1: supposed to be.
15:57
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, exactly. So you know, there are moments where
16:01
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, my goodness, I worked for Peanuts, you know,
16:03
Speaker 2: and then there's times where I'm like, oh, but I
16:05
Speaker 2: had an invaluable experience.
16:07
Speaker 1: Right you've been. I love how you use your platform
16:13
Speaker 1: to sort of spread kindness and joy, and it feels
16:23
Speaker 1: like and your music is uplifting, you know. I feel
16:26
Speaker 1: like I try. I think it's it comes so through
16:32
Speaker 1: because I did a little deep dive into your Instagram
16:35
Speaker 1: earlier just to see what I'd missed because I'm not
16:38
Speaker 1: that up with the times on it.
16:40
Speaker 2: But either I such I love hate relationship with social media.
16:44
Speaker 2: I don't get it.
16:45
Speaker 1: What me either. Yeah, it's a lot, but I feel
16:51
Speaker 1: like you are really using your platform for such a
16:54
Speaker 1: good thing and that's so nice to see.
16:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, thank you. I try. Like, I think we
16:59
Speaker 2: can get really bogged down with all sorts of you know,
17:04
Speaker 2: hard hardships and things that we're going through, things that
17:08
Speaker 2: we see other people going through, and it's like, I'm
17:11
Speaker 2: always like, Chrissy, what's the point of posting this? Like
17:14
Speaker 2: there are people who are really struggling, and you know,
17:17
Speaker 2: maybe you're used the time, is better use somewhere else
17:20
Speaker 2: and like doing something else? And is this self serving?
17:23
Speaker 2: What's my intention in this? Blah blah blah? And then
17:25
Speaker 2: I realize the more vulnerable I am and the more
17:28
Speaker 2: I talk about like what I'm really going through, that's
17:30
Speaker 2: where we commune, Like that's where people come out of
17:33
Speaker 2: the woodwork. And they're like I felt the same way,
17:35
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, okay, oh.
17:37
Speaker 1: That totally reminds me of the post you put up
17:40
Speaker 1: about going your first pilates class.
17:42
Speaker 2: Holy moly, everybody, I just want to tell if you're body,
17:48
Speaker 2: what I tell Okay, it looks like.
17:50
Speaker 1: A torture device, a plus.
17:52
Speaker 2: Machine exactly right. So this is why every person who's
17:56
Speaker 2: never ever tried a reformer is scared out of their mind.
18:00
Speaker 2: Me and I was like, I'm just going to do it.
18:02
Speaker 2: There was like a special like a two for one
18:03
Speaker 2: class or something. I was like, it's this cute little
18:05
Speaker 2: place down the street. I'm just gonna try it. What's
18:08
Speaker 2: gonna happen? What's gonna happen? Like, maybe I'll be embarrassed,
18:12
Speaker 2: maybe I'll fall. And I was like, there were some
18:14
Speaker 2: moves that I look like a potata.
18:16
Speaker 1: I look like, and they did have all mirrors everywhere too.
18:21
Speaker 1: There were some.
18:21
Speaker 2: Cute mirrors on one wall and some person I got
18:25
Speaker 2: one of the reformers like sort of, but I it
18:28
Speaker 2: was a whole thing. It was a whole thing, and
18:30
Speaker 2: I think that so much of for me, the anticipation
18:34
Speaker 2: of something is the worst part. Yeah, and then when
18:37
Speaker 2: I got there, I was like, Oh, nobody's watching me.
18:39
Speaker 2: Everybody's focused on their moves and they're breathing and how
18:43
Speaker 2: they've come to this workout class for themselves. And I
18:45
Speaker 2: was like, Chrissy, nobody cares how much about you? Okay,
18:47
Speaker 2: who cares? And I really enjoyed it. It was like
18:50
Speaker 2: very meditative. The teacher of the instructor, she was incredible.
18:55
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, thank goodness I had her as
18:57
Speaker 2: my first go But all that to say, you just
19:00
Speaker 2: never know who is gonna even relate to that, and
19:03
Speaker 2: so did so many people did. I was like, oh, Okay,
19:07
Speaker 2: this is good. This is a good thing.
19:09
Speaker 1: Because you you faced a fear, she tackled a challenge.
19:14
Speaker 1: You didn't let all that stop you. And I think
19:16
Speaker 1: that's what people love to hear. I have a friend
19:19
Speaker 1: that lives in Nashville, that's where you love, right. She
19:22
Speaker 1: just opened a plate studio.
19:24
Speaker 2: Oh I wish I could.
19:25
Speaker 1: Remember the name of Okay, her name is my friend
19:29
Speaker 1: Jason's wife, Naomi. So her name is Naomi Priestley.
19:34
Speaker 2: Okay, and.
19:36
Speaker 1: I'll try to part. I have no idea, Okay, Okay, we'll.
19:41
Speaker 2: Figure it out.
19:41
Speaker 1: We'll come back to that.
19:42
Speaker 2: Well. Yeah, what's cool is Nashville was booming. So there's
19:46
Speaker 2: so many different businesses and restaurants.
19:48
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, how long ago did you move there?
19:50
Speaker 2: Well, officially literally three days before the world shipped down
19:55
Speaker 2: during COVID. Okay, I got here and I was like, what,
19:58
Speaker 2: I can't buy toilet paper, I don't have any furniture.
20:00
Speaker 2: What's going to happen? And we're like, oh, let's just
20:02
Speaker 2: try to survive, because we should try to live. Okay,
20:05
Speaker 2: that's what we'll do. And so I stayed it for
20:07
Speaker 2: about eight months and then we went back to This
20:09
Speaker 2: is Us we started our fifth season. Yeah, I think, yeah,
20:14
Speaker 2: And then I was coming back and forth just during
20:16
Speaker 2: hiatus to songwrite and just you know, I've always loved
20:21
Speaker 2: country music and I always wanted to write country music,
20:23
Speaker 2: and so yeah, it's been I guess seven seven years,
20:28
Speaker 2: eight years almost, which is crazy to think about.
20:31
Speaker 1: But you've popped around a lot though.
20:33
Speaker 2: Well. I lived in LA for twenty one years and
20:38
Speaker 2: I still have a home there that I love very much,
20:41
Speaker 2: and my all my friends of twenty years are there.
20:45
Speaker 2: But my family's very very close. Here. There's like a
20:48
Speaker 2: seven hour drive, and the pace of life in National
20:53
Speaker 2: is very different than really, yeah, like you can get
20:57
Speaker 2: anywhere in like fifteen minutes and I can't even get
20:59
Speaker 2: out my neighborhood in fifteen minutes in La. So I
21:03
Speaker 2: appreciate that, and also I don't know, it's I think
21:08
Speaker 2: also being around a community that feels like they really
21:11
Speaker 2: do help you, you know, so you want to write together,
21:15
Speaker 2: they're going to write. If they want to go to lunch,
21:16
Speaker 2: we'll go to lunch. Like it's not I don't know,
21:20
Speaker 2: it just feels much more communal.
21:23
Speaker 1: I feel like every time I turn around, someone's telling
21:25
Speaker 1: me they're moving to Nashville or they just moved to Nashville.
21:28
Speaker 1: And then that makes me sad for Nashville because the
21:30
Speaker 1: same thing happened to Austin, right, everybody fled to Austin
21:34
Speaker 1: and then that city that just the infrastructure in the
21:37
Speaker 1: traffic got crazy. I'm just couldn't handle the influx. That's
21:40
Speaker 1: what kind of yeah here I heard. Yeah, it's like
21:43
Speaker 1: a little la in Nashville.
21:44
Speaker 2: Now yeah, they're like, why are you guys coming? Please stop?
21:48
Speaker 2: And I feel that I do feel bad because that's
21:51
Speaker 2: that's not fun, especially if you're you know, born and
21:55
Speaker 2: raised here.
21:56
Speaker 1: Do you enjoy that quieter lifestyle?
21:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do, Like I you know, for me, I've
22:04
Speaker 2: figured out sort of the balance of the crazy caass
22:07
Speaker 2: of our industry. And then also like, oh okay, I
22:11
Speaker 2: love to just be at home or you know, my
22:15
Speaker 2: sister and I are obsessed with trying to start at
22:17
Speaker 2: homestead what I don't.
22:18
Speaker 1: Know, wait, a second homestead.
22:21
Speaker 2: Like this is what we want. I mean, this is
22:23
Speaker 2: a pie in the sky, I suppose, but I'm just
22:25
Speaker 2: so fascinated, Like I think all the benefits to growing
22:29
Speaker 2: your own you know, vegetables and all that is super cool.
22:33
Speaker 2: And she lives obviously in Florida, and they have ten
22:36
Speaker 2: chickens and they have like a little mini form, so
22:40
Speaker 2: she's like already been doing it for a long time.
22:43
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, maybe we should do like
22:45
Speaker 2: a little homestead.
22:47
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that a lot, but you know, it's
22:49
Speaker 1: the dream. I've talked about that with my best friend too,
22:52
Speaker 1: like let's just get some property and build little houses
22:56
Speaker 1: where we will all can be together.
22:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
22:58
Speaker 2: Pop, And people have done that.
22:59
Speaker 1: People doing that?
23:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, people, Yes. So you know, I go down the
23:03
Speaker 2: old TikTok Instagram, I'm like, wow, I look at this,
23:06
Speaker 2: And that's all we do is send each other videos
23:08
Speaker 2: of what could be.
23:10
Speaker 1: Oh yep, I heard you say once, if you're living,
23:14
Speaker 1: you're going through something.
23:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I think the whole purpose of
23:20
Speaker 2: us being on this plane of existence is to evolve
23:24
Speaker 2: and hopefully and that we're either the teacher or the student.
23:28
Speaker 2: Sometimes we're both in whatever scenario. I mean it literally
23:32
Speaker 2: could be the woman who just cut you in line
23:35
Speaker 2: at the DMV and you're like, Okay, what do I
23:39
Speaker 2: get to teach or what do I get to learn
23:40
Speaker 2: in this moment? You know, like, no matter what, and
23:43
Speaker 2: so yeah, and that's I think the beauty of life
23:47
Speaker 2: is like, oh okay, what is what is my what
23:52
Speaker 2: is my part in this story? How do I make
23:55
Speaker 2: it better?
23:55
Speaker 1: Yeah? Where? Okay? Where you are in your life right now?
23:59
Speaker 1: You're a your space whatever it is that's happening with you.
24:04
Speaker 1: How do you see how you have evolved in the
24:07
Speaker 1: last five years?
24:10
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Well I finally understood the concept of the
24:14
Speaker 2: word boundaries.
24:15
Speaker 1: Okay, that's it. That's a hard one to.
24:18
Speaker 2: It's very hard, and it's still challenging.
24:21
Speaker 1: How is it hard for you? I'm just curious.
24:24
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a middle child of five.
24:25
Speaker 1: Okay, got it, And so.
24:27
Speaker 2: A lot of the time I was like the entertaining
24:30
Speaker 2: diplomat or the moderator because I could always see both
24:34
Speaker 2: sides of a coin or an argument or a perspective,
24:38
Speaker 2: which I think helps with acting and empathy. But what
24:43
Speaker 2: ends up happening is I don't always leave room for
24:47
Speaker 2: myself in particular situations or if not feeling seen or
24:54
Speaker 2: heard as a middle child, It's like, Okay, I'll do
24:57
Speaker 2: anything I can to get your attention. Do you want something, Okay,
25:00
Speaker 2: I'll buy it. Do you want my attention, Okay, I'll
25:02
Speaker 2: call you right now, even though maybe I should be
25:05
Speaker 2: spending that money on myself, or maybe I should be
25:07
Speaker 2: spending that hour of like meditating or journaling or whatever
25:11
Speaker 2: it is that I want to do for myself. And
25:14
Speaker 2: I know, like we always understand that concept of we
25:17
Speaker 2: put the oxygen mask ourse out on ourselves. I understand
25:21
Speaker 2: that conceptually, but to put it into practice for me
25:25
Speaker 2: is difficult because a people pleaser, so and then I
25:29
Speaker 2: you know, I've learned through therapy that people pleasing really
25:31
Speaker 2: is a selfish act. And I'm like, cool, cool.
25:34
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait wait, explain that to me.
25:37
Speaker 2: Yes, So, essentially, if if you said, Okay, Christy, I
25:41
Speaker 2: want to go to lunch tomorrow and I want to
25:45
Speaker 2: go to lunch, I definitely want to go to lunch,
25:47
Speaker 2: but I know that I've already made a commitment to
25:49
Speaker 2: someone else. But I don't want to say no to
25:52
Speaker 2: you because I don't want you to be upset if
25:55
Speaker 2: I say. Well, and so I've already made this prior commitment,
25:58
Speaker 2: and so I'm like, okay, do I stretch myself so
26:01
Speaker 2: within that I try to make both things happen because
26:03
Speaker 2: I want to please both of you, and in turn,
26:07
Speaker 2: inevitably can't make it to lunch with you because something
26:09
Speaker 2: that I already previously planned went over time. Then I
26:13
Speaker 2: disappointed you by just not being honest.
26:16
Speaker 1: And thing, I get it. Oh my gosh, this is
26:19
Speaker 1: I'm figuring out one of my daughters. As you're speaking,
26:22
Speaker 1: this is incredible, But how do you take now that
26:27
Speaker 1: I can see that side of it, how do you
26:30
Speaker 1: right the wrong of being selfish? You know, not just
26:33
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, for them, for the other people, but
26:35
Speaker 1: also for yourself, because you don't want to.
26:37
Speaker 2: Be selfish, right. What I want is to be able
26:41
Speaker 2: to honor myself, which when you honor yourself, you can
26:44
Speaker 2: be honest with yourself and with others. So if I
26:48
Speaker 2: would say, oh my gosh, Jenny, I've always wanted to
26:51
Speaker 2: go to lunch with you, but I can't. I've already
26:53
Speaker 2: made this prior commitment. Can we set up for another day?
26:56
Speaker 2: And you would be like, yeah, whatever, But in my mind,
26:58
Speaker 2: I'm thinking she hates me, sh'd ever want go to
27:00
Speaker 2: lunch again? You know, you create this whole scenario because
27:04
Speaker 2: for me and my trauma and my core wounds is
27:07
Speaker 2: like not being chosen, not feeling seen or heard. And
27:10
Speaker 2: so if I don't do what you ask me to do,
27:12
Speaker 2: you're not gonna like me. And so I have to
27:16
Speaker 2: be okay with whatever you're gonna feel because your feelings
27:19
Speaker 2: are yours and they're valid, but they're not facts, right,
27:23
Speaker 2: So it doesn't mean that, like, and you could be mad,
27:25
Speaker 2: but I can't control and I can't manage your feelings.
27:29
Speaker 2: I can only be honest. And then in turn you
27:31
Speaker 2: trust me and you're like, oh, no, I know that
27:33
Speaker 2: Chrissie's not gonna do something she doesn't want to do
27:36
Speaker 2: for whoever's sake, and good. I'm so glad because it
27:39
Speaker 2: then probably helps you to sit in a seat of
27:41
Speaker 2: power you don't have to do the same thing. And
27:44
Speaker 2: so again it's putting into practice, like it's it's not easy,
27:49
Speaker 2: because I certainly have challenges all the time. I'm like, Okay,
27:54
Speaker 2: before you call your sister, before you call your family,
27:57
Speaker 2: what does Christy need to do? Right? Like, oh, would
28:01
Speaker 2: it feel better if you took a shower before you
28:04
Speaker 2: called her? Or do the dishes? Something simple, like simple,
28:07
Speaker 2: just little things. Yeah, that way I'm not stressed or
28:12
Speaker 2: I don't feel like, okay, I'm not taking care of myself.
28:14
Speaker 3: So it's it's a whole very Yeah, that's layered.
28:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're learning, you're learning that in therapy.
28:23
Speaker 2: Yes, this is why I think therapy just should be
28:27
Speaker 2: so accessible for everyone.
28:29
Speaker 1: You know, especially human people, every human being.
28:32
Speaker 2: You know, Like I'm saying, if you're living. You're you're
28:34
Speaker 2: experiencing life, and we are We're not like here's when
28:38
Speaker 2: you're born, Like, here's your toolbox. You know exactly what
28:41
Speaker 2: to do with it.
28:42
Speaker 1: Give you nothing, Yeah.
28:44
Speaker 2: A blanket and a little beanie hat. No, we need
28:49
Speaker 2: tools and a blueprint, sir.
28:51
Speaker 1: I need instructions.
28:53
Speaker 2: Yes, I need the pamphlet, the manual, the book. Yes.
28:57
Speaker 2: So you know it's cool because we get to learn
29:00
Speaker 2: as we go and hopefully impart that. And I've learned
29:03
Speaker 2: so much from people and therapists. So yeah, again, not
29:08
Speaker 2: not doing it perfectly, but trying, and I think that's hoping.
29:12
Speaker 1: That's the first step. I think acknowledging the areas where
29:17
Speaker 1: you're not living up to be the person that you
29:20
Speaker 1: want to be, or the areas that aren't working for you,
29:23
Speaker 1: that's the first step. Yeah, but that's hard.
29:28
Speaker 2: It's the first step, and it's a big step.
29:37
Speaker 1: You co wrote a children's book, Yeah, tell me about that.
29:42
Speaker 2: So I wrote the first book. My grandmother, who lived
29:46
Speaker 2: with us in Japan when my dad was in the Navy,
29:48
Speaker 2: when I was a kid. She always instilled faith in
29:53
Speaker 2: our lives and we grew up Catholic, and I just
29:57
Speaker 2: I never knew. Like the first book was when I
29:59
Speaker 2: talked to Got to Talk about You, And it's basically
30:02
Speaker 2: a gentle introduction to prayer for kids. And because when
30:05
Speaker 2: I would go to you know, Mass or go to church,
30:08
Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, do we only pray at church?
30:10
Speaker 1: Like?
30:11
Speaker 2: Can I only talk to God when I'm in his house?
30:16
Speaker 2: His house?
30:16
Speaker 1: Right?
30:17
Speaker 2: Only the house of the Lord. And so you know,
30:20
Speaker 2: of course, as you get older and you learn things,
30:22
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I just want to impart that, like
30:25
Speaker 2: you can talk to him anywhere, anytime about anything. And
30:29
Speaker 2: so and that also was like a twofold concept of
30:34
Speaker 2: people who were praying to God for children that they've
30:38
Speaker 2: wanted or for their children. You know. Again, I don't
30:42
Speaker 2: have children. I taught preschool back in Florida, have ten
30:45
Speaker 2: nieces and nephews, so I understand to an extent. But yeah,
30:50
Speaker 2: that was just something that was always like, oh, I
30:55
Speaker 2: mean I always want to write children's books, always, and
30:58
Speaker 2: so I'm happy that it's It started with that. And
31:01
Speaker 2: then when we were reading the book out and about
31:04
Speaker 2: so many kids wanted to talk about their feelings, you know,
31:08
Speaker 2: because they aren't seen or heard, and I know that
31:11
Speaker 2: like obviously we're all kids at some point, and we
31:13
Speaker 2: all are just big kids, and you know, but that
31:18
Speaker 2: treating the soil is really important. And so I was like, oh,
31:21
Speaker 2: the second book has to be about feelings. And when
31:24
Speaker 2: I talk to God, I talk about feelings. So yeah,
31:27
Speaker 2: I'm it's so wonderful because even if people don't believe
31:31
Speaker 2: in God or they don't have a religious you know,
31:33
Speaker 2: sort of aspect of their life, they're like, these are great,
31:38
Speaker 2: great tools for me to be able to have a
31:41
Speaker 2: conversation with my daughter and my son about feeling disappointed
31:44
Speaker 2: or sad or excited or you know, things that we
31:47
Speaker 2: can't name. If we can't name a feeling, we can't
31:50
Speaker 2: communicate about it, and we can't honor that and feel
31:53
Speaker 2: validated in that feeling. So yeah, it's just been it's
31:57
Speaker 2: been really cool. And I've written to an album for
32:00
Speaker 2: each book.
32:02
Speaker 1: That music that goes with it. I love that. I
32:04
Speaker 1: bet I bet kids really enjoy that. I really it's
32:07
Speaker 1: such a tender way to connect music with big messages.
32:14
Speaker 1: Did you grow up in a house of feelings?
32:16
Speaker 2: Oh, we have feelings, but we didn't talk about them.
32:20
Speaker 2: You know. It was we make a joke or we self.
32:23
Speaker 1: Deprecate or you know, rush it under the rug, rush.
32:27
Speaker 2: On the rug, or I'm going to give you something
32:29
Speaker 2: to cry about, like that is a famous line that
32:31
Speaker 2: I heard. I'm like, wait, but I'm really sad about something.
32:36
Speaker 2: You know, my parents were in the whole era of
32:40
Speaker 2: kids are seen and not heard. If they don't feel
32:43
Speaker 2: like their feelings even matter, how are they going to
32:47
Speaker 2: know how to communicate about my feelings and know what
32:50
Speaker 2: to do with my feelings? They're too big into like uh, intimidating.
32:54
Speaker 2: So yeah, I mean it's interesting now because we we
32:59
Speaker 2: joke a lot, like a lot of humor. You know,
33:04
Speaker 2: the pain is really shrouded with humor my family, and
33:08
Speaker 2: you know, you laugh and so you don't cry. But
33:11
Speaker 2: you know, we're working on it. We're working on it.
33:14
Speaker 1: We're Yeah, it's hard to it's hard to express your
33:19
Speaker 1: feelings in a house that doesn't feel safe. Yes, yeah,
33:26
Speaker 1: for sure. How did you get your feelings out when
33:29
Speaker 1: you were younger? Though, Like, oh I was a little chrissy.
33:33
Speaker 2: Like oh gosh, well, I wrote a lot of like
33:37
Speaker 2: poetry like middle school a little bit younger. I mean,
33:41
Speaker 2: I definitely love music of all genres, So I think
33:45
Speaker 2: that was really helpful. And I think that's why I'm
33:48
Speaker 2: so transfixed on music now because it's so as you're saying, like, yeah,
33:53
Speaker 2: it's all encompassing and very healing. But some music, yes,
33:59
Speaker 2: was big. There's some music I'm like, it feels like torture. Yeah,
34:04
Speaker 2: please please please, But you know, the stuff that you
34:07
Speaker 2: resonate and you your frequency vibrates on for sure. But yeah,
34:12
Speaker 2: I mean I also was sort of the jokes or
34:15
Speaker 2: you know when yeah, the silly girl, And that's sort
34:20
Speaker 2: of how I got through a lot of the feelings.
34:23
Speaker 2: And I think, you know, obviously, I've had a food
34:25
Speaker 2: issue all my life, and I think that has quite
34:27
Speaker 2: a massive part in how I've handled things because I
34:31
Speaker 2: just stuffed the feelings down with food. So you know,
34:35
Speaker 2: it's a coping mechanism. It's not a good one, but
34:38
Speaker 2: it is one.
34:39
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think food plays such a huge role
34:44
Speaker 1: in people processing all kinds of things.
34:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, And because it's accessible and you have
34:52
Speaker 2: to do it right, Like you have to eat to survive.
34:54
Speaker 2: It's not like, oh, okay, I have to drink this
34:57
Speaker 2: drink or I have to you know, smoke a cigarette
34:59
Speaker 2: or whatever drug like you need food, so it makes
35:03
Speaker 2: a little more.
35:06
Speaker 1: Cunning your good word, good word for.
35:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, okay, I don't all right, all right,
35:13
Speaker 2: all right? So you know it's and that again is
35:15
Speaker 2: a process. And for me, it's like and I always
35:19
Speaker 2: say mind, body, soul, spirit, because it's like all of
35:22
Speaker 2: it it has to like fit like a puzzle. Because
35:25
Speaker 2: sometimes I've had a couple of a couple of those
35:29
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, yeah, I got that handle, and I'm like, no,
35:31
Speaker 2: you don't, you know, And I just sort of now,
35:34
Speaker 2: like the puzzle pieces are like locking in.
35:37
Speaker 1: So how do you stop yourself from Like I'm literally curious,
35:42
Speaker 1: like how like when you're in one of those spaces
35:45
Speaker 1: where you don't feel like you have control, how do
35:47
Speaker 1: you stop yourself?
35:49
Speaker 2: I think for me, it's before you even get to
35:52
Speaker 2: that moment. And that's why like prayer, meditation, journaling, having therapy,
36:00
Speaker 2: intuitively eating, knowing that I have like there is it's
36:04
Speaker 2: been helpful for me because I was very much over
36:06
Speaker 2: disciplined growing up and so I always thought like, oh
36:10
Speaker 2: my gosh, like tracking macros and carbs and this and that,
36:15
Speaker 2: and then this is so like I feel like I'm
36:18
Speaker 2: just being disciplined, And then I realized, oh no, like
36:21
Speaker 2: that discipline is absolute liberation, and so I don't have
36:25
Speaker 2: to obsess about things specifically, well whatever, I change the food,
36:32
Speaker 2: and so I know that food is not the issue,
36:34
Speaker 2: it's the symptom. And so I'm like, Okay, what's really
36:37
Speaker 2: going on? What's happening? Like did you not say something
36:41
Speaker 2: you wanted to say to someone? Did you agree to
36:44
Speaker 2: do something you didn't want to do? Did you defer
36:46
Speaker 2: to someone that you know might have had more experience
36:49
Speaker 2: than you, but you intuitively know it wasn't right?
36:53
Speaker 3: You know?
36:53
Speaker 2: So I just try to constantly what they say, uncovered, discovered, discard, right,
37:00
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, okay, if I do all these things, okay,
37:04
Speaker 2: then I'm not going to the food for self soothing
37:06
Speaker 2: or because I'm angry or can they say, like you
37:10
Speaker 2: eat something crunch eats because you're angry. If you eat
37:12
Speaker 2: something like ice cream, it's soothing, it's smooth, you know.
37:16
Speaker 2: So all those things have a place in time. But
37:18
Speaker 2: like if anything's disordered, which my food intake was for
37:22
Speaker 2: a long time, I'm like, oh this isn't this isn't right.
37:26
Speaker 2: So just trying to preempt any of that before it
37:30
Speaker 2: to the I'm about to make a bad decision. I'm
37:33
Speaker 2: going to regret, you.
37:34
Speaker 1: Know, Yes, yes, yes, I've been there.
37:36
Speaker 2: Yeah. And not to vilify food. I think so much
37:40
Speaker 2: of our world is obsessed with weight to a degree
37:46
Speaker 2: that it's like, if you're overweight, you are. It's just
37:50
Speaker 2: the worst thing. It's the worst thing in the world.
37:54
Speaker 2: But there are people who are, you know, unfortunately outwardly
37:59
Speaker 2: thin but really going through a lot mentally, emotionally, or
38:03
Speaker 2: not even eating at all, or you know, taking a
38:06
Speaker 2: prescription drug and drinking diet cokes and smoking cigarettes. But
38:11
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, but they're they're thin, so they're attractive.
38:14
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but they're not healthy either. So it's
38:17
Speaker 2: hard for everyone. Yeah, Like if you've been an ingenue
38:21
Speaker 2: and you've looked a certain way and then you as
38:23
Speaker 2: we age, it's like, it's silly to me that we
38:26
Speaker 2: aren't more supported and with our elders and like the
38:31
Speaker 2: knowledge and the experiences that they have had and they
38:35
Speaker 2: can share with us, Like why is that not celebrated
38:37
Speaker 2: so many other culture as it is here. It's like, oh,
38:40
Speaker 2: God forbid you get a gray hair, God forbid you
38:43
Speaker 2: you gain a pound God for you know, You're like,
38:46
Speaker 2: why are we so transfixed on the vehicle and not
38:49
Speaker 2: like what's inside? You know, to navigate it is like
38:54
Speaker 2: a daily it's daily, sometimes it's hourly, you know, because
39:00
Speaker 2: we can. It's just hard. I think everybody, no matter
39:06
Speaker 2: where they've come from, what the career looked like, what
39:08
Speaker 2: they want it to look like. And it doesn't even
39:10
Speaker 2: have to be in entertainment. But you know, we all are.
39:14
Speaker 2: All we want is to be loved. And we do
39:17
Speaker 2: the things that we do because we want to be
39:20
Speaker 2: respected because we want to be loved, you know. And
39:25
Speaker 2: I have had to come to terms with like there
39:28
Speaker 2: are people that are not going to like me. They
39:30
Speaker 2: just aren't and whether they know me or not, and
39:32
Speaker 2: I'm out a cup of tea, okay, you know, and
39:35
Speaker 2: it's not personal. And that's such a big thing for
39:37
Speaker 2: me becoming, you know, out of my people pleasing nonsense
39:42
Speaker 2: and realizing that I'm just I'm just a person trying
39:45
Speaker 2: to figure this out too. And if I can have
39:48
Speaker 2: grace for other people, I can have it for myself,
39:50
Speaker 2: right And none of us know what we're doing, you know,
39:58
Speaker 2: so like why do we talk or about that as
40:00
Speaker 2: opposed to like the highlight reel on Instagram that makes
40:05
Speaker 2: people feel so like alone. I know, I watch videos
40:09
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to be
40:11
Speaker 2: doing this and I need to be doing that.
40:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so it's not a good feeling.
40:15
Speaker 2: No, it's not. And so then I have to like, Okay,
40:18
Speaker 2: let me reprogram what I'm really thinking, Like, what do
40:22
Speaker 2: I need to be doing in my life? Is it
40:24
Speaker 2: because I knew that I should have woken up earlier
40:26
Speaker 2: to go to the gym, and now I feel bad
40:28
Speaker 2: And so now I'm jealous that this person put themselves
40:32
Speaker 2: first and they have the discipline that I didn't put
40:34
Speaker 2: in this morning. Because when things really like strike a nerve,
40:38
Speaker 2: it's it's because usually of my own stuff or if
40:42
Speaker 2: I'm jealous or if I feel whatever fill in the
40:45
Speaker 2: blank with whatever emotion. At that second, I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no,
40:49
Speaker 2: no no, because at the core of who I am
40:52
Speaker 2: and who I want to be is like happy for people, right,
40:54
Speaker 2: And I also know that I can't take anything away
40:59
Speaker 2: from someone it's meant for them and vice versa. So
41:03
Speaker 2: I know that. And also when I'm grateful for the
41:07
Speaker 2: things that I have. What's so cool is that the
41:10
Speaker 2: more you receive, the more grateful you are, true, which
41:14
Speaker 2: is like such an incredible concept. But again, sort of
41:21
Speaker 2: separating the feeling from the fact, you know, is hard,
41:24
Speaker 2: and especially when we're going through whatever it is that
41:27
Speaker 2: we're going through, like you name it, we've got it all,
41:32
Speaker 2: you know, and nobody, nobody's exempt from that. So yeah, again,
41:38
Speaker 2: there's a lot of tools in that toolbox. She's heavy
41:42
Speaker 2: that box. That toolbox.
41:44
Speaker 1: I can't even lift my box.
41:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. I'm like, I can't even open them.
41:50
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh. But I know that when
41:53
Speaker 2: I put those things into practice, I'm I'm a better
41:57
Speaker 2: I'm better for it.
41:59
Speaker 1: And do you this is what I do when I'm
42:03
Speaker 1: not practicing what I know I need to be practicing
42:07
Speaker 1: for my best life, my well being, my healthiest me.
42:12
Speaker 1: I am so ashamed and I feel guilty and I'm
42:15
Speaker 1: angry at myself.
42:17
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and you project that anger to someone else.
42:22
Speaker 1: And then there go your relationships.
42:23
Speaker 2: And there we go and then what we're alone sad
42:27
Speaker 2: and angry. Knows.
42:30
Speaker 1: I know, for a while that can be nice, like
42:34
Speaker 1: on the couch, sure, but then you kind of get
42:38
Speaker 1: sick of that, and you gotta think, like, Okay, what
42:42
Speaker 1: do I need to do to get the life I want?
42:45
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, And sometimes the things that we don't want
42:49
Speaker 2: to do, yeah, at least in the moment, and then
42:52
Speaker 2: we realize, oh, this was advantageous. Okay, next time, I
42:55
Speaker 2: hope to do that again. But it is all a process.
43:00
Speaker 2: That's why you know, it's important to have grace for yourself.
43:05
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I mean the most important thing, yeah, for yourself
43:08
Speaker 1: and for others, because, like you said before, we don't
43:10
Speaker 1: know what we're doing.
43:11
Speaker 2: No, don't. A therapist always says, she's like, if you
43:14
Speaker 2: were feeling bad, Chrissie, why would you throw another arrow
43:17
Speaker 2: into your heart? You're feeling bad for feeling bad, You're
43:20
Speaker 2: just like hurting.
43:22
Speaker 1: It's like it's like this, Yeah, it's like a self
43:25
Speaker 1: inflicting some sort of reward. Yeah, I know there's no reward.
43:32
Speaker 3: I know.
43:32
Speaker 2: I was like, was I absent when whatever that thing
43:35
Speaker 2: in the brain was given out? Because why can't I?
43:38
Speaker 1: Why can't I have said that so many times, like
43:41
Speaker 1: why does everybody else get to be happy? And I
43:45
Speaker 1: can't fucking figure it out.
43:47
Speaker 2: It's wild, it's wild. And then you know, we know
43:50
Speaker 2: that we put these tools into action.
43:52
Speaker 1: It changes, It changes things, doesn't not challenging. I just
43:57
Speaker 1: love Chrissy though. There's so much more to talk about,
44:00
Speaker 1: So watch for part two of this episode. And you
44:02
Speaker 1: know what, As always, if you subscribe right now to
44:06
Speaker 1: I Choose Me, you'll never miss a single moment.