Latest / The Foundations We Lay / Ladies, Are You Listening?

Transcript

Ladies, Are You Listening? · The Foundations We Lay

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Ladies, there are areas where we are doing exceptionally well.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: And there is another area where we are dropping the ball in relationships.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: After having a conversation and working with someone this previous week, I had then saw content that related the same message to the same issue that was brought up.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Women who say they want to listen, but when it comes time to really testing that request, they show that they do not listen well.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: So let's chat.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Tatiana, the host of Foundations Relay.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: And in this space, we talk about the patterns, the choices, and also the relationships that shape our lives and the families we build.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to start with a post that came from Mr.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Jason Wilson, and he posted, Women often ask me how they can create a safe space for their man to be emotionally transparent.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: My response is always the same.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Before asking him to open up, make sure your heart is prepared for what he may reveal so you don't misjudge him.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because the man you've always leaned on as your rock may finally show you where he's crumbling.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Even a rock can have cracks without losing its strength.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And in the comments section, yes, I took a quick skim.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: There in that space is where the hearts of some of the women were showing.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: There were some women that showed empathy and were ready to take on a challenge to take on adjustments, to make adjustments.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: There were also some who were quick to turn around and make the situation or the post about them, such as saying things like, Well, what about when we as women give our all and we want to share our feelings and emotions and they give a dismissive response?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: That right there is giving just a slight glimpse of what some of the men may experience when they try to talk to you.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: You may be someone that flips the script in that moment and you think about previous experiences where you yourself may have tried to express yourself or share emotions, but they didn't receive it.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: So in that moment, you were triggered and you thought about you and responded as such.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So the point was missed when the woman and some of the women reacted in that way.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's not to say that her comment or her feelings is not valid, but it is to know that there is a time and a place.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that was not the time for her to share that particular thing because the space was opened up for men to share how they feel, and for the women on the receiving end to get a better insight of why they feel how they feel, not to take that moment to attack or inflict any form of blame upon them.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to pause here to just let you know that of course this is not an issue that is solely with men and women, but also one that can be found among some mothers and daughters.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I was talking to a teen recently.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: She shared the same sentiments.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: She stated basically that I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't listen.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: She shared basic points that was in alignment with what some of the men had shared.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: When there is something heavy on her heart or on her mind, her mother may encourage her to share what's going on with her.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when the teen shares with her mother, it doesn't typically land well in the conversation.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that her tone is off or that she's being disrespectful.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: She has been exercising these things, but still it doesn't land well with the mom.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes she takes the moment to blame the teen and not really listen to where she's coming from.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Another issue or concern that was shared is that when sensitive information is brought up between the mother and the daughter, that same information is sometimes brought right back up in an argument.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: And in that space is where trust can be diminished and trust may be broken to where they may feel like, you know what, I don't want to keep doing this with you.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to keep bringing these sensitive topics.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not going to manage it and carry it with care, the same care that you said that you would have for me if I opened up and shared with you.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as mentioned before, it's common for this particular relationship with the mother and daughter for the mom to make things about her.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about you in those moments.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you have things that you want to share.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you have things that you also carry.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: But there is a time where if you say, I want to show up for you and show you that I support you, I want to show up for you and show you that I care and that I want to listen to you.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: You have to follow up on what you say you will do and fulfill the need.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so all of this, it can lead to the teen shutting down, withdrawing, and not wanting to try anymore.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And for this particular situation, the teen has tried many, many times and they will love and have a strong desire for the relationship to become better and to become healthier.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, it's like ripping scabs off of wounds and also having unnecessary inflicted pain upon them when they want to be in a space that feels safe for them to release.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: So if it hasn't dawned on you yet, women, we have a problem.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: However, it is not a hopeless situation.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: So before I read the rest of Mr.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Wilson's post, I want to share a quick nugget to reflect on.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: So first, you may be a woman who has learned how to perform and not how to be or to live and show up authentically.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: So you may know how to do tasks and complete assignments, but you have not yet learned or may not have yet learned how to be the person needed for the role and for the assignment, the wife, the mother.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just about cooking meals, about buying clothes and providing basic needs.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's also about being there emotionally, showing up as yourself authentically and being present in the moment.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: So if all you know how to do is check off boxes from a list, you are missing out on a huge opportunity to connect and show up for the people that actually love you and want to build with you.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: So let me go ahead and get the post and read the rest to you all.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: It says, When we vent, we're complainers.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: When we're tired, we're lazy.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: When we are discouraged, we're depressed.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when we cry, we're soft.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Some men have been misunderstood so often that silence has become easier than explaining themselves.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: A man's emotions are not a sign of weakness.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: They are evidence of his humanity.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Stop demanding emotional openness if your heart judges him every time he opens up.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is a clear call for us to take a different approach, a different approach in our relationships, to take on the seriousness of the responsibility as showing up as women in different areas in your world as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: How can we show up better in these roles?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: First, let's hear what's being shared today.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Let's hear what has been shared by the daughter and the post.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing I would encourage you to do is listen to his heart, whoever the man is in your life, it may even be your son.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to his heart, not to gain ammo to throw back at him.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: But listen with intention.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to understand and to get to know him.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: None of what he shares should come back up in an argument.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: He should not feel even more uncovered and naked after sharing with you and feel uncovered in a way to where he feels shame because he shared some sensitive information and let you into a certain part of his world, but it wasn't received well, it wasn't cared for, and there was no type of mending, there wasn't any encouragement.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: How does he feel after talking to you?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: As stated before, if this information or what he shares come back up in an argument, it shows that you cannot be trusted with that information.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so again, this can lead to shutting down.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes it only takes one time for them.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: If he opens up and you show that you cannot steward his words well, you cannot steward or care for his heart well, he might not give it back to you in that way.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Third point, know your triggers.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Know your triggers and the root of those triggers.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the issue, the real issue, is not anything that's happening at home with him, with your children, or with yourself per se, but more so about the unresolved conflict that you have not fully addressed yet.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: The things that have been hidden and swept under the rug that keeps coming back up onto the surface, coming back up in conversations, flaring up as anger, flaring up as withdrawal and avoidance, the hurts that you probably felt like you have dealt with in that moment that it happened, but the root was not dug up.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Healing and restoration may not have fully taken place yet.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: So though you have been carrying hurt and pain, and it may have weighed on you to such a degree to where you're like, where's my help?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Who can I talk to?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Who can I lean on?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: It is still your responsibility to heal.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's your responsibility to make the choice of intentionally releasing the burdens you have carried and replacing them with a lighter burden that's more suitable for your journey, one that makes sense for the call, one that makes sense for your role as a wife, a friend, a daughter, a mother.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that you're not giving from a place of pain.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: So that you're not lashing out because there's a thorn still on the inside of you that has not been addressed.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Be intentional and take the steps to heal.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that looks like going to see a therapist or a counselor.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that means adjusting and changing the way that you eat.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: It can also look like getting more physical activity into your daily life.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Exercising, dance, do something you have not done in a while, develop hobbies and develop healthy relationships.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: But it really does start with what's happening on the inside because, as always, it eventually starts to show up and manifest itself on the outside.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the last tidbit that I will give to you today.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, these are very, these are few of many things you can do, but this is just a starting point.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Admit when you are wrong.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Please don't try to be the person that's that wants to have the last say in the argument, the last say in the discussion.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you are wrong, and you don't have to try and prove a point by saying, Well, I'm the parent.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: What I say goes.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Just because you're the parent and the authority figure in the life of your child doesn't mean that you should not admit when you are wrong.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you are with your partner and both of you guys are wrong, still admit when you're wrong.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to wait for the other person to say so.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Take up responsibility and be the first person to create that safe space to invite peace into your home, to say, we don't have to do this anymore.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to always end in conflict and to leave matters unresolved.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to go to bed angry.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go to bed angry even with your child.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: It may be hard and it may feel uncomfortable for you to humble yourself to say that you're sorry.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: But that also allows healing to take place and more conversations to happen.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you allow pride to continue building upon itself in your life, it will be like a wall that you are fortifying and will make it almost impossible for anyone to truly grow root with you in a healthy manner.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you cannot say that I'm sorry, if you cannot admit when you are wrong, do not let pride destroy your relationships.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so here's an extra.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here's an extra that I want to read to you all.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna read it in two different versions.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: The verse is gonna be the Amplified version.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: It reads The wise woman built her house on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: But the foolish one, who lacks spiritual insight, tears it down with her own hands by ignoring godly principles.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was the amplified version.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And now I will go to the the passion translation.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: It reads Every wise woman encourages and builds up her family, but a foolish woman over time will tear it down by her own actions.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: This is not saying, and I am not saying that you have to have it all together day one, but I am encouraging you and suggesting to you to take up the responsibility to learn how to show up better and to apply what you learn so that your household may thrive, so that your family can thrive, and you can thrive.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you can establish better and healthier patterns for those not just who are going to come later after you, but for those who are watching you now, for those who are taking up and watching you as an example now.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you can create a safe space, starting in your home, and even build the trust with yourself that you can do what you say you will do, that you can keep safe the words and the stories that people share with you.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And watch how things and the quality of your relationships begin to change.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: May this be something that is a blessing to you if you have the ears to hear and actually take action on it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: So let everything that's inside of you come up to the surface, that it may be revealed and be taken care of, that the matters of your heart will be healed, that any needs that you have unmet will be met, and that you will be taken care of, that you don't have to lead from a place of scraping by, lead from a place of survival, lead from a place of trying to prove yourself and even trying to prove your worth.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to live from that place anymore.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: May you lead from a place of joy, gratitude, health, and wellness, prosperity, love, and everything that comes along with you following the precepts of the kingdom of God and leading in love.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: May you be whole and healed and watch the manifestation of those things flow in your life.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, take care of yourself.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Admit when you're wrong, turn a new leaf and love on others.