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Intensity Is a Week. Discipline Is a Life. · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
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• 0:30
  Face everything and rise. Sometimes you won't know that you have a cracked foundation until you hit a brick wall. Embrace the failure, guys. Fail forward. If you keep dating and it fails, or you keep launching a business and it fails, it's because that foundation isn't fully locked in. And you'll know, because when the pressure comes and the house of cards collapses, the business fails, the marriage cracks, the body gives out, you'll blame the circumstances.
• 0:55
  when it really was that foundation. It was built on wet concrete. It wasn't fully cured. You weren't fully cured. I did it. Been there. I have a master's degree in falling down and a PhD in getting back up. You're not disciplined when it's hard to do the thing. You're disciplined.
• 1:11
  when it's hard to not do the thing. Every rep is a fight. You have to willpower yourself. You have to negotiate. Talk yourself into it. That's not discipline yet. That's the entry fee. That's the bare bones minimum. Consistency eats intensity for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Intensity is a week. Discipline is a life.
• 1:39
  Those of you that are watching and you tune in every single week, please smash that subscribe button. We are focused on growing that for you to get bigger and better guests. I appreciate it. It means the world to me and our team breathing into you. If you're watching this on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify, subscribe on that platform. Welcome back HTL Nation. Thursday.
• 2:06
  Solo episode, you and me having a little fun. You get to see the inside to my heart and my soul. Man, as I record this, I am in the mud. And I wanna say it stinks, but I think I was working with my coach on Friday and he said, what if your soul negotiated this and this is what you were meant to do? And then it gave me a whole new meaning of things happening for you, not to you. So I'm gonna keep processing forward and sharing with you today's episode.
• 2:35
  episode is what discipline actually looks like in real life. And most of you will resist this. No, no, actually most of you now that are joining the show and boy, is it growing. And I thank you guys. I love you each and every one of you. I believe that you're getting...
• 2:50
  A very authentic, real healed version of me. I am, my heart is wide open and I'm pouring into each and every one of you. Discipline I used to hide behind a lot. It was my crutch. As long as I had discipline, I could act a fool. So I literally, as long as I went to the gym, as long as I went to work, I could drink and do drugs and be an idiot. But discipline isn't the house, it's the foundation. And the funny thing about it, when I was at my worst,
• 3:15
  I literally could lean on that foundation. And the deepest form of it when I was in my complete idiosity, it wasn't about the gym, 5 a.m. workout plan, or a cold plunge. It literally is what I'm doing right now and it's sitting in the mud of my own shame with no proof that any of the work that I'm doing is working and continuing anyway. If you skip that work,
• 3:45
  which I did for years. Everything you build on top is a house of cards. And there's no secret that as I really looked in the mirror and I started intense, intense therapy, started early January, four months of just,
• 4:03
  exhaustion, I've shared it all with you guys. I've been exhausted, I've been confused, I've been sick a ton. I'm in Florida right now recording. I threw a retirement party for one of my employees in National Technology Management. I had a stomach ache that, it wasn't even an ache, it was, I thought I had an ulcer. It hurt so bad and I just gritted it out.
• 4:26
  And I know what it's from. It's the trauma that I've avoided for years leaving my body. And by doing this, it's allowing me to connect with each and every one of you and the show is growing. So keep coming, tell your friends, share the episode. It's the highest form of me knowing that this is actually working. A lot of people say, how do I know when I do something and it actually forms a habit?
• 4:54
  And I answer this. It's when it feels awkward not to do it. That's when your new action has fully ingrained your habit. I'll give you a for instance. I'm going to speak very specifically about something, meditation. Everybody says, you should meditate, you should meditate. I couldn't meditate and I still would do it.
• 5:15
  and I would go through the motions and I didn't feel anything. And then I stopped because my schedule was really full and it just didn't feel like it was doing anything and something felt off. So now I never skip a day. And as a matter of fact, I've doubled and tripled down on the meditation. So when an action routine feels awkward not to do it, that has locked it. Nick Saban once said, we do it so many times till we just can't get it wrong. I've been in the mud since January as I said,
• 5:47
  I don't know if anything I'm doing is right. The only validation is the growth of the show. Truthfully, I had John Gordon over and he said, Kelly, you got to surrender. Let go and let God. And he said, have faith over fear. Both believe in something you can't see. One is positive and one is negative. So believe in faith over fear. There's an industry right now selling discipline as a personality trait.
• 6:16
  And I'm gonna name the names, guys like Andy Elliott, Wes Watson, who I believe right now is in jail. They scream at you that discipline is all you need to be successful. And they're selling a lot.
• 6:32
  And I'm gonna tell you what discipline, what real, actual discipline looks like. Not on stage, not on a reel. And keep in mind, I'm not trying to sell you anything. I don't have a program. This is all free for each and every one of you because I've suffered. I did it all the wrong way. And if you know me, which you all do,
• 6:53
  Discipline is my middle name. Keep in mind, it's the dirty work when nobody's watching. As I'm here on the morning recording an episode, about to run home, run to Detroit, get on a plane to go to Detroit, I have one of the craziest weeks. I'm gonna be in like six cities in seven days. Discipline isn't the whole house, it's the foundation, and most of you, including me, for years,
• 7:21
  We're trying to build mansions on dirt. So let's talk about two movements. Movement number one, it's the lie. I want you to name what's being sold to you. Discipline as an identity, as an aesthetic, as a 30-day program, a morning routine you can buy.
• 7:42
  It's not discipline, folks. They're screamers, the influencers, the guys selling the mental toughness who've never sat with hard feelings in their life. Now, there are a few. David Goggins comes to mind. Jocko Willanick. They've done the hard work. Focus on their tongues in their shoes, not the tongues in their mouth. They're not selling discipline. They're selling intensity. Those are different things.
• 8:06
  Intensity is a week, discipline is a life. Consistency eats intensity for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Here's what Andy Elliott and Wes Watson do. If you buy into those, and actually it attracts people that are probably in the infancy stages. So if you just came and found Heart in the Life Movement or Me Kelly Siegel and you previously have watched Andy or Wes, you start in hot.
• 8:35
  but you probably gave up after 30 days because that screaming and yelling gets old. You might blame yourselves, I'm not good enough, but really you were just listening to the wrong people. And it isn't about the next program, and the cycle is not a business model.
• 8:53
  It literally is an embodiment. It is setting a goal, keeping the word you made to yourself, and action builds confidence day in and day out. But that's the first movement. I'll call that level one. And then there's a second movement. And it's what the definition of being locked in actually means. You're not disciplined when it's hard to do the thing. You're disciplined when...
• 9:15
  when it's hard to not do the thing. Here's what it looks like. Every rep is a fight. You have to willpower yourself. You have to negotiate. Talk yourself into it. That's not discipline yet. That's the tuition. That's the entry fee. That's the bare bones minimum. The movement one is the excited. Two is I'm doing it, but I'm forcing myself to do it.
• 9:37
  You'll notice that skipping your workouts, skipping the good or eating like crap starts feeling worse than doing it. Waking up early and getting to the gym stops feeling like the enemy. The journal stops being a chore. Not doing these things creates friction in your body. That's the movement. It means you're on your way. Keep going.
• 10:01
  Quite contrary to what people are gonna tell you, this is not a 21 day thing, this is not even a 60 day thing. It's not even what the experts say that it's 66, it's not even 90, you cannot put a time on it because it's just a feeling. It's when the awkwardness flips sides. For some habits it took months. Like for me, to really embody not ever wanting to drink, it took six months. And for some it could take years.
• 10:29
  and for some, the deepest ones, it never fully stops being hard. And that's its own lesson in itself. When it feels awkward not to do it, that's when it's locked in and that should feel good. That's the flow state. So here is the teachable moment. Every moment, every episode, we talk about the challenge, the experience, what I did. And again, I want you to understand something. Discipline for me,
• 10:59
  was non-negotiable, but it was also a massive crutch. It allowed me to act a fool and still feel like I was moving forward. And really, truthfully, I was. I was, I'm in the midst of shame right now. And I was driving my boat yesterday and I looked over at a friend and I said, you know, the shame really built me a good life. But I still don't, I'm not fully embodied in helping enough people.
• 11:27
  But I'm watching as I'm sharing all this and deep diving into the shame and becoming even more disciplined. That I'm watching more of you come and be attracted. And that makes me so happy. And not the validation. It's that you're all coming to me looking for a better life. And that's what I'm going to give you if you follow these Thursday episodes. Somebody who doesn't understand discipline, please share this episode with them. Here's the lesson.
• 11:57
  Discipline is the foundation, not the house, not the furniture, the concrete slab you pour before anything else goes up. So you can go to the gym all you want, build a big tough body, but if you don't build the habits and believe yourself you're an in-shape disciplined person, you'll lose that in no time.
• 12:24
  I can think of a friend that I just watched do a bodybuilding show, and I'll bet you within six months, he's right back to being less than because he built it out of scarcity and fear. So remember, the discipline creates the foundation, which then you can start working on your mindset, which will make you unstoppable.
• 12:45
  And that's the biggest mistake, guys, really. You build on that foundation before it's cured, which is funny that I use that word cured because in many respects, that's what I did. I wish I would have gone into the therapy much deeper after I locked in my discipline because I would have cured these insecurities, the abandonment.
• 13:11
  not good enough, the imposter syndrome, the shame, the fear. And the funny thing is when I started curing all those and healing and just being make aware, I noticed that joy and happiness and peace that I crave so much, that purpose, the joy, peace and purpose that I crave so much is starting to appear. So it all starts with discipline. Then you add the business, a relationship, a brand, a launch, but don't do it before the foundation is locked in.
• 13:40
  And the funny thing about it is if you keep dating and it fails, or you keep launching a business and it fails, it's because that foundation isn't fully locked in, pro tip. And you'll know, because when the pressure comes, and the pressure always comes, and the house of cards collapses, the business fails, the marriage cracks, the body gives out, you'll blame the circumstances when it really was that foundation.
• 14:08
  It was built on wet concrete. It wasn't fully cured. You weren't fully cured. I did it, been there. Had a successful business and then got taken advantage of by a business partner. Had a nice relationship and she cheated because I wasn't fully ready. Pro tip, don't be so eager and fast to move forward.
• 14:32
  Slow and steady wins the race. So I want you to make this rule. Lock the foundation first, not for a week, not for a month, but just locked in, then build. I would, if you have to have a number, Kelly, how long is it? 90 days, 90 days minimum. Lock it in for 90 days. The data suggests that locks in the habit.
• 14:59
  So if you build before the foundation is locked, you're not building a life, you're building a house of cards and the pressure is coming. And you know what comes with it? I just thought about this yesterday. There is two constants in life, death and taxes, but there is a third and I did not realize it. Failure. Embrace the failure, guys. Fail forward. What you say is look in that mirror and say, what did I do? What in my foundation? What in the jump off?
• 15:27
  did I miss before I actually launched this? And you're gonna hear this, some of these gurus, the end yelling, start before you're ready, which you should.
• 15:36
  but still make the decision based on data, not drama and not feelings, facts over feelings. If you trace back every failure, every failed business partnership, you go back and there was a crack in the foundation and you knew it, you just proceeded anyway, which I salute you. So just go back, fix that and then start over. I interviewed Jen Cohen once and she said, I have a master's degree in falling down and a PhD in getting back up. But get back up, brush yourself off,
• 16:07
  say what was my part in this and start again. All too often, we just start again with the same faulty foundation and it breaks again. And that, my friends, is the lesson you need to learn. And all too often we don't. I paused there for a second because I'm thinking if I wanna tell you guys this. All right, I'm gonna tell you what discipline actually looks like in my rifle right now. It's not the gym, it's not the podcast, it's not the business.
• 16:37
  the part nobody sees. I'm using the TLC method, you guys have heard me say about it. Training, learning, coaching, counseling. Everything that I teach you guys, I'm drinking the Kool-Aid, I'm in it. My coach and my counselor have me carrying around a notebook, essentially in the other room right now, if you're watching this on YouTube, I'm looking around like it's with me. It is, it's in the room, and he wants me to keep naming
• 17:06
  Every time I feel shame and what it's supposed to mean. And believe me, this is me building on a house on a cracked foundation. My foundation is that I had shame. Sometimes you won't know that you have a cracked foundation until you hit a brick wall. And that's where I'm at right now. So I have a notebook where I write down every time I feel shame or unworthiness or anxiety. So we can work on it.
• 17:29
  And then I sit in it and I unpack it. And that is my life right now. This is what it takes to get to the next level. And believe me, these notes that I'm writing are visceral feelings. It feels like I'm having a mini panic attack several times a day. And I got to stop.
• 17:50
  write them down sit with them witness them fully not fixing not performing and not posting about it but i do you guys follow me i do post about it because i don't want to post a highlight reel i literally want to share everything with you because it's real and it's happening to me right now and i feel like i don't feel great right now to be honest with you guys
• 18:17
  But I'm in the mud and I'm inviting you in with me and I'll be there with you every step of the way. We're coming up on four months that I've been doing this. I don't know if I'm doing it right. I don't know if it's even helping, but I'm gonna proceed and have faith that this is all happening for me, that my soul contract has said, hey, this is what I have to learn to be better for all of you guys. There's no scoreboard.
• 18:47
  There's no PR to this, no before and after photos. There's nobody applauding me. I'm just showing up in the hardest room, which is my own head every day with no guarantee of return. And for me, the discipline, the things that these Andy Elliott and Wes Watson are teaching you are easy. The gym,
• 19:16
  Piece of cake. Cold plunge. No problem. Waking up at 5 a.m. Or actually I wake up at 4 a.m. And get to the gym by 5. Simple. We can see the results. I can post the receipts. But sitting in my own shame is the proof it's working. And that's the real reps. That's the real discipline. That's the one separating people who change from the people who change.
• 19:42
  explain change those from the do's the people that you guys have heard me laugh there's two types of people in this world people that do things and people that make things happen and then people that wonder what happened where do you think that you hdl nation sit the people that make things happen and i'm so proud of you anyone can be disciplined when there's a scoreboard try being disciplined when there isn't one there's nobody telling you
• 20:08
  that you're doing better. There's nothing, no results, but you do it anyway. That's where I'm at. So I'm inviting you, fear, face everything and rise. Also remember, could being false evidence appearing real, which is literally all I say to myself over and over. So here's what I want you to do. There's a move, pick one thing you're avoiding. There's usually just one and you've been avoiding it and you know you need to do it. It's probably the same thing that you say to all your friends, I need to start meditating.
• 20:37
  I need to stop making excuses. That's a big one. I need to stop over explaining. Pick the one thing that you said over and over I need to start doing. And it's not the easy thing you've been procrastinating on. The thing you know will change your life if you faced it, if you started doing it. For me, it was the shame and fear. For you, it might be different. It might be different.
• 21:02
  You already know what it is though. You thought of it twice while I was talking and it scares the hell out of you. Go there. I want you to set a standard. So commit to it long enough that skipping it feels awkward. That's the only finish line that matters.
• 21:16
  going to be right around 90 days some people at 60 some people it could take as long as 120 but stick with it and if you need any motivation email me kelly at harder than life.com tell me what it is and i'll hold you accountable i promise i don't care how many of you guys message because it's this is what i want to do i want to pay this forward remember again fear face everything and rise
• 21:42
  F everything and run. Could be one, but that's not you. Not the HGL Nation. No way. There's no getting around this. You can't outrun it. And you can't out earn it. I've tried. I tried to drink it away. Couldn't do that either. You walk straight into it and you keep walking like the buffalo that I've talked about many times. They walk right into that storm and they get out of that storm faster. Again, you're not alone. I'm right there with you. I've been through it. I'm in it right now.
• 22:09
  Email me, send me a DM, and I promise you I will walk with you through this. I'll definitely care and I'll definitely listen. Because there are times where I feel alone, I felt alone, and I pushed everybody away because I did this alone when I was a scared little boy, being beat, starving, alone. But I have a great group of people, especially all, each and every one of you, of getting messages from you.
• 22:39
  I love them all. I do ask one thing, though. If this one hit you, share it with somebody who's building on white concrete. Follow the show. YouTube subscribers are growing fast, and I really appreciate it. That does, I do watch. Producer yells at me all the time, stop looking at the scoreboard.
• 22:57
  but it's growing at an amazing clip. So thank each and every one of you. And I hope this discipline episode, cause I'm gonna keep hammering it. It's not the house, it's the foundation. Lock it in before you build. And when it feels awkward to not do the thing, that's when you know it's real. That's when you know it's embodied in you and it's a habit. Face everything and rise. I'm Kelly Siegel, this has been Harder Than Life. I'll see you next Thursday.
• 23:27
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.