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(#34) Confidence, Magnetism, and Receiving: Lessons from 17 Years of Friendship with Sabrina Wuu · Alignment With Jenn

0:00
Welcome to the Alignment with Jen podcast.
0:02
I am your host, Jen Ditzesi, and I'm really excited because today
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we have a special guest, Sabrina Wu, who is an amazing human
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being. She is a top 1% salesperson and
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she is also my best friend for the last 17 years.
0:17
And So what I'm super excited about for this episode is I want
0:22
to kind of take you on a journey of the last 17 years.
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We met when we were 17 in the dorms at UC Santa Barbara, and
0:28
we have talked essentially everyday sense.
0:31
And through that time we've really grown and we've changed.
0:34
And I want to kind of take you on a journey of what it's like
0:37
to have that deep intimate of a friendship, how to create those
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kinds of friendships in your life.
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And also some of the lessons that we learned along the way of
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creating these sorts of friendships and the sort of
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growth that we've had. Our lives have completely
0:50
changed. And so I want to share with you
0:52
today some of the habits, some of the mindsets that we've
0:55
cultivated over the last 17 years that have allowed us both
0:59
to create success in our lives and have allowed Sabrina to be
1:02
the number one salesperson at multiple companies that she's
1:05
been at. And I would just really love to
1:08
get to share that perspective with you.
1:10
So welcome, Sabrina. Oh my.
1:12
Gosh, I can't believe it's been 17 years.
1:14
I know, I know, I know. It kind of makes me feel like
1:18
time is flying by and also not at the same time It's.
1:21
Been the longest, shortest time we've had the most epic growth
1:26
arc. Yeah.
1:28
And glow up. Yeah.
1:30
So I think it'd be fun for our lessoners to kind of understand
1:33
where were we when we met? Like, how would you describe us
1:36
then? Because we really were so
1:38
completely different. And I think it's a testament to
1:42
all the work that we've done on ourselves.
1:45
I agree when I look back I kind of catch myself from cringing.
1:52
Like I feel it though I just and I I'm trying to have more
1:57
compassion or at least being on good terms with that 17 year old
2:04
self. Yeah, I.
2:06
Feel like I've had this tendency to be really critical of
2:10
yesterday's Sabrina, last year Sabrina, and even more so for 17
2:15
years ago Sabrina. Yeah, totally.
2:18
I think there's this tendency to say like, OK, because I know the
2:21
lesson now, I should have known it then.
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When in fact, like we were always doing the best that we
2:26
could have done with the information we had at the time,
2:29
who we were at the time. I really believe that.
2:31
I really believe that for everyone.
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I think too, sometimes it's worked in our favor, right?
2:37
Being a little bit green and naive in the world has kind of
2:41
helped us be a little bit delusionally positive in times
2:46
when it would have been really easy to see the flaws with not
2:51
having a strategy. Yeah, true.
2:53
Right. There is like, this sense of,
2:54
like, delusional optimism. I remember one time in the dorms
2:58
you said to me, you know, everything just always works out
3:01
for us. And this must have been like, we
3:02
were 17 or 18. And that mantra has played in my
3:05
head for the last 17 years of everything just always works out
3:09
for us. Everything always works out for
3:10
me. Like, it became a core
3:13
fundamental principle I think of who I am.
3:15
And I'm really grateful for that because it's such an amazing
3:17
guiding principle. A lot of my clients will ask me,
3:20
like, how do you remain so positive?
3:22
And I honestly think that's part of it is like that simple.
3:26
You probably don't even remember saying that.
3:28
Not the first time, but I feel like there's always a giggle at
3:31
the end. It always works out like
3:35
sometimes it's a question. Yeah, yeah, true, very true.
3:39
There's been a lot of like, questionable decisions that did
3:41
actually workout. I guess the point is just say it
3:45
even if it is a question it always works out for.
3:48
US. Yeah, right.
3:49
I think in the moments when I haven't had faith, you have and
3:52
then vice versa. Yeah.
3:54
So sometimes I can be at 60% and you'll come up with, you know,
3:59
the the rest to get us to 200 or 100 or whatever.
4:03
Yeah. I think that is something I have
4:05
noticed is as we've grown, I think a lot of people, there's a
4:08
tendency as you get into relationships, as you build
4:10
families, things like that, to de prioritize friendships and to
4:14
prioritize your intimate relationship.
4:16
And something that I have seen is that I think the more that we
4:20
can maintain even some really deep healthy friendships, the
4:23
happier our relationships are, the happier our entire lives
4:26
are. And I think that's part of the
4:28
reason is your friends can help you create this belief when you
4:31
don't always have it. Like I remember when we were in
4:34
Mexico and we got to Mexico and we get off the plane and we
4:37
decide that we want to go somewhere and we don't know
4:39
about where we are. We don't know anything.
4:41
And we get on this bus and you're just like, well, let's
4:43
just see where we go. And we take this little journey.
4:45
And it ended up being incredibly fun.
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But I never would have done that on my own, you know?
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And it was so much more fun doing it together because I
4:52
think we had this kind of like communal belief that like, oh,
4:56
I'm fine, you know? And I think that that has been a
4:58
core thing that our friendship has taught me is to kind of just
5:02
like believe. Yeah, we don't know where we're
5:04
getting off on the bus, but the vibes are gonna be there and
5:07
we'll bring the vibes. With us, Right.
5:09
Yeah. It's always gonna work out.
5:10
That bus will always work out. Yeah.
5:12
It's kind of a metaphor for life, honestly.
5:15
So, OK, I wanna go a little bit deeper into where we were when
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we met because I think a lot of the insecurities that we had
5:23
were like huge insecurities. And I don't feel that we have
5:26
them anymore. Like it really astounds me how I
5:29
think insecure, not overly insecure, but just like how many
5:33
insecurities we had at that time and how they affected how we
5:36
presented in the world. So I'd love to hear you, your
5:38
thoughts on that and. Sure.
5:40
I mean, I'm still riddled with insecurity, let me be so clear
5:44
about that. But I think back then I always
5:48
looked at external factors. Yeah, I'm insecure because I
5:53
don't have a boyfriend, or I don't have any money, or I don't
5:56
have this success or I clearly don't have the knowledge to pass
6:00
this test that's tomorrow at 8:00 AM.
6:03
But I realize now, and I know that we've done a lot of growth
6:07
and work on energy and our internal States and our
6:12
relationships with the universe, Creator God, whatever you want
6:16
to call it. Yeah.
6:17
And that's always kind of evolved overtime.
6:19
But I think something that has really been totally life
6:24
changing in our relationship is you help me go within and can
6:29
also tell me if I'm exporting or delegating any kind of
6:35
accountability to factors outside in the world that I
6:39
think have nothing to do with me.
6:41
Yeah, I think that's so true. I think if you kind of
6:44
quantified the change that we've made is that we we're always
6:47
seeking something outside of our self, right.
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Like for me in college, it was like I had to have the best
6:50
grades, I had to have a boyfriend, I had to have, you
6:53
know, the best job I could get at the time, whatever it was, it
6:56
was always these external searches.
6:58
And then I think as we've grown, it's become this search of like,
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what does it actually mean for me to truly feel successful by
7:04
my own internal metric system, by my own internal barometer?
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And I think ultimately this is something I think we talk about
7:10
all the time as it goes back to our relationship with God, the
7:13
universe, the creator. You know, whatever name you want
7:16
to call that force, that is always the thing that everything
7:21
comes back to. You know, I think if we
7:23
summarize this whole conversation into one sentence,
7:25
that's what it would be, is that that's the journey we've gone
7:28
on, is going from externally focused to focused on something
7:33
greater than ourselves. And how does that actually
7:35
affect how you move through the world?
7:37
Yes, and it feels different, right?
7:39
To not be continuously searching for external validation every
7:44
waking moment. Back then we we had beautiful
7:48
moments all the time and now it feels like I can actually enjoy
7:53
them. I think that something we talk a
7:55
lot about is trying to position ourselves within certainty
8:01
rather than scarcity. Yeah.
8:03
And I don't think I will ever be 100% in certainty mode.
8:09
I mean, I'm working towards it, but realistically there's so
8:12
much of the recalibration on every moment going back to the
8:17
ideal and not beating myself up from swaying from where I want
8:21
to be. Yeah, and I think that's a big
8:23
change too, is I used to take, if I swayed from where I wanted
8:27
to be as like a failure on my own part.
8:30
And now I see it as literally it's data and it's lessons.
8:33
Like I'm just a constant collector of like data and
8:35
lessons, data and lessons. How can I take this data and
8:38
this lesson and apply it to my life?
8:40
Yes, what you said about certainty.
8:41
And so I'd love to hear how have you cultivated certainty?
8:46
Like I seen it, but how do you feel like you've created more
8:49
certainty in your life and moved more away of that need for that
8:51
external validation? I think that number one, and
8:56
you've helped me with this. I just try to stop eating gluten
9:00
and sugar because so much of that I know we're talking about
9:04
internal. I think that a lot of my
9:09
feelings of rushing and that heart beating really quick and
9:15
my hands shaking, it came from just not giving my body the
9:19
right nutrients. Yeah.
9:21
And not taking the best care of myself on a physical level.
9:25
And I think that was probably the lowest hanging fruit,
9:28
honestly. Yeah.
9:29
Was quit eating bags of candy on a weekly basis.
9:33
Eat more protein, rest and don't feel bad about it.
9:36
In fact, prioritize it. I think that has helped just put
9:40
me in a relaxed state. Yeah.
9:43
And then second, I think really just embracing who I am.
9:48
I remember us going out to parties and doing really
9:53
seemingly fun things when in fact both of us would have been
9:58
a lot more comfortable reading and then going to bed at 8:00
10:02
PM. Yeah, totally.
10:05
There was this element. And I don't think this this
10:07
didn't end in college. Like I remember doing this in
10:09
our 20s. You know, we would go when we
10:11
lived in Berkeley, we'd go to like the bars and things like
10:13
that. And that's never been something
10:15
that ever felt fulfilling to either of us.
10:17
But I think we thought we would miss out, you know, we would
10:19
miss out on friendships, we'd miss out on connections.
10:22
And now I reflect on it and I'm like, my friendships now are so
10:26
much deeper. My level of happiness and peace
10:28
is so much deeper because I just really don't do any of that kind
10:32
of stuff. That doesn't feel really good
10:35
for me, you know what I mean? And I think that has been a
10:37
change too, is even when we got really into, for you it was
10:42
skiing, for me it was climbing. There was so much of this
10:44
seeking of the external, of what will people think when we're a
10:48
better climber, we're a better skier or whatever.
10:50
And I think once we shifted out of that, it's like our lives
10:54
started taking on this completely different energy,
10:57
this completely different flavor.
10:59
It's almost like this flavor of peace, like I'm just going to do
11:02
the things that feel really good for me.
11:03
Totally. I mean, we, I think it was when
11:06
we were graduating that the terms FOMO and Yolo came out.
11:11
And I don't know why this is so skewed.
11:14
It made me think then you should definitely go out or do.
11:18
Things that. Aren't in alignment with you
11:21
things that I perceive to be really cool.
11:24
It came from this not being comfortable with myself.
11:28
Yeah. And then matched with the
11:30
kerosene of seeking continuously external validation.
11:35
And I think that in some point you and I heard somebody told
11:41
one of us, nothing that's meant for you will ever pass you by.
11:46
And just knowing that and internalizing it has helped us
11:50
be in the energies of where we're actually able to receive
11:55
and that can kind of only come through by us thriving and doing
11:59
the things that, yes, serve our souls.
12:02
Yeah, the theme, too, that it keeps coming to mind as you're
12:06
talking is this theme of certainty.
12:09
And I don't think that we would have been able to.
12:11
It's almost like we hit the unsubscribe button on the things
12:14
in our life that just were not aligned anymore.
12:16
And I look back and I'm like, man, I spent so much time, you
12:19
know, rock climbing and spending time with people that weren't
12:22
quite the right fit for me because of this fear of what is
12:26
going to be in their place, right?
12:27
And I remember you saying that about when you were going
12:30
through a breakup and you wanted to go through that breakup and
12:33
you're afraid of losing the friends that you had made
12:35
through that relationship. And I think so many people feel
12:38
that way, especially like I have clients who are going through
12:40
divorces, you know, and there's this huge fear of loss, right?
12:44
But I think we so oftentimes forget that on what loss
12:48
actually is, is it's the creation of space for more
12:51
aligned things to come in. And like for you, you still have
12:54
all of those friendships that were true deep friendships, you
12:57
know, and for me, I feel like I let go of those friendships and
13:00
then I was able to bring in way more aligned of friendships.
13:03
I think it's almost made me realize like loss doesn't
13:05
actually exist. That scarcity mindset that I was
13:09
bathing in every day, it made me just want to like, grasp, like,
13:17
I'm not gonna let go of this. And I know it's not the right
13:20
fit, but that's OK. I'm just gonna hug this
13:23
porcupine and see how it feels. Yes, yeah, doesn't.
13:26
Feel good. Oh my gosh, no, it did not feel
13:29
good. I think too, the more that you
13:31
can let go of the small things that aren't right for you, the
13:33
more that you can let go of the big things that are also not
13:36
right for you. For me, with my first business,
13:38
letting go of that was really hard because I had put so much
13:41
time, energy and money into it. But in my soul I knew, like,
13:45
this is not what I'm meant to be doing.
13:47
I don't think I would have been able to let that go if I hadn't
13:50
practiced letting go of smaller things beforehand.
13:52
I totally agree with that. I think that in past
13:55
relationships I'm thinking about one particular.
13:58
I just didn't want to go from something to nothing.
14:01
That. Terrified me, yeah.
14:03
So I thought that the best course of action was let me just
14:06
die by 1000 cuts, see what happened.
14:10
Of course that wasn't going to end great.
14:13
I wish that I had just had the confidence that certainty that
14:18
everything was going to work out and it would have been healthier
14:22
for both parties to part ways earlier rather than years
14:27
afterwards. Yes, Oh my gosh, yes.
14:30
And I like think of so many of my clients who I work with as
14:33
you say that because I think we confuse the amount of time I've
14:37
invested with, well, I've invested the last decade, 2
14:40
decades, 2 years of my life into this.
14:43
I have to keep going, right? We're thinking of it the wrong
14:46
way because what you're doing is you're actually losing even more
14:50
of that time with something that's not aligned, trying to
14:53
make something work that maybe was never meant to work.
14:56
In my late night scrolls on TikTok, I came across this quote
15:01
that said something along the lines of I can handle and
15:04
metabolize any outcome. Or I think she used the word
15:08
consequence, which I thought was kind of like, had a negative
15:10
connotation. Yeah.
15:11
I like the word outcome. I think that I just couldn't
15:15
imagine myself without a partner.
15:18
Yeah. Or I couldn't imagine myself
15:20
without friends, even if it wasn't the right group.
15:24
But now I can stand on a stack of undeniable proof that I will
15:27
actually survive. Yeah.
15:30
I mean, I messed up something at work that was pretty
15:32
significant, and that was on Friday, and I'm still living
15:35
right now. So yeah, it doesn't ever feel
15:39
better, but I just know that I'm avoiding a lot of suffering in
15:42
the future. Yeah.
15:43
It gets kind of the equivalent of, well, if I worry about it,
15:47
will that make how I feel later on feel better or worse?
15:50
Yes, Let's actually just have some action versus fantasizing
15:54
about good or bad things that could happen.
15:57
Yeah. And I think to a big pivotal
15:59
thing in our journeys was when we started studying Kabbalah and
16:03
we learned about the certainty principle of everything always
16:06
works out. Everything is good.
16:08
Everything is from the creator. And when you remember that, I
16:11
really, I go back to that on a daily basis of every single
16:14
thing. Like even you messing up
16:16
something on Friday at work is good.
16:18
There is something good within that.
16:20
You know what I mean? Every single thing.
16:22
And I just have to keep reminding myself of that is
16:25
there's something good in absolutely every single area of
16:30
life. And I think that the more that I
16:32
remember that, the more that I'm able to actually do what's
16:36
aligned for me and not try to control, I'm able to let go.
16:40
I think something that if I could go back and tell us, I
16:43
would say something along the lines of, look, Sabrina, you
16:46
were looking for certainty in all the wrong things.
16:49
Yeah, I used to really equate having a financial safety net
16:54
with certainty. Like this guarantees me I'm
16:59
secure and I will be OK. This happened to me once.
17:03
Somebody quadruple cashed a check.
17:06
You know, when you take a photo of a check on your phone.
17:09
She did that four times on accident.
17:10
She didn't mean to. And then lo and behold, I had a
17:13
negative bank balance. So even having money in the
17:16
bank, that's not certainty. Yeah.
17:19
What certainty I find is a big overarching virtues.
17:25
Yeah. Faith, presence, gratitude, all
17:29
of those conditions will make it certain that I can withstand
17:34
anything that comes my way. Yes, I completely agree with
17:38
you. I think it's cultivating those
17:40
virtues and it's cultivating how you think about different
17:44
situations. That was a really big part of
17:47
this trajectory for me, was learning that every single
17:51
situation, there's 1000 different reflections of that
17:55
situation. You know, it's like a hall of
17:57
mirrors where you look and you see yourself 1000 times in each
17:59
direction. Every situation has that, right?
18:02
So there's a thousand ways that I can view any situation.
18:05
So why would I choose the thousand ways that feel crappy
18:09
to me, right? Why don't I choose the ways that
18:11
feel good? I was doing that just today of
18:13
how can I look at this in a way that makes me feel better?
18:16
Because when we feel better, we're more creative, we're more
18:19
expansive, we're more magnetic. You know, all of the things work
18:23
better for us when we feel better.
18:25
And it's our choice how I view the situation of how I want to
18:28
feel. That was so revolutionary to me,
18:31
the thought of, well, why don't you just prioritize feeling
18:35
good, Sabrina? Yeah, That totally changed my
18:39
life. And it's something so simple.
18:41
Yeah. But I had a racing heart and I
18:46
was trying to think of all the things that I needed to do the
18:50
next day or highlight to myself all the possibilities where my
18:55
life could totally go sideways, that was somehow a help or a
19:00
good thing or put me in an advantage when it clearly was
19:04
just a detractor. Yeah, I think a lot of people do
19:07
that where they think worry is security.
19:10
You know, if I can anticipate what can go wrong, then I can
19:14
prevent it. When in reality, what you're
19:16
actually doing is just like lowering your energy, lowering
19:19
your ability to actually be creative and create the outcome
19:23
that you want to create. Yeah, like there is no reward
19:26
for worry. I think in like Asian culture,
19:29
sometimes it can be misconstrued as, oh, that person's really
19:32
planning for the future or thinking of plan CDEF all the
19:38
way down the lies line where it's just kind of
19:40
catastrophizing and there isn't any benefit.
19:46
Yeah, I want to ask some questions about your sales
19:49
career because you have always. So for our listeners, Sabrina
19:54
and I worked at the same two of the same companies, three of the
19:57
same companies before I left and started my businesses plus.
20:01
Teaching that too. Oh, yeah, 4 Whoa.
20:05
And the thing about sales that was amazing to me is like, we
20:08
were on these huge sales teams with really, really good
20:10
salespeople, these very, very developed companies, like great
20:14
difficult sales environments, I believe.
20:17
And you always became #1 and it was like clockwork.
20:21
And this current company that you're at, I'm like, I would
20:22
place thousands of dollars on the fact that you're going to
20:25
become number one there. You just started there.
20:27
So you need a little more time, but you will always become #1
20:31
And I am always amazed by it because it's like the
20:35
environment can be completely different, your territory can be
20:37
different, everything. What do you think allows you to
20:40
do that? Because I have my theories, but
20:43
I'd love to hear like, what do you think allows you to do that?
20:46
Number one, I really like it. I put a lot of pressure on
20:49
myself, but period. And a story.
20:51
I really enjoy the environment. Yeah.
20:54
I think there's something magical about being a former
20:57
educator and then being able to work continuously in education.
21:02
That's always been important to me.
21:04
I mean, I'm so nosy. I love going in.
21:06
Some people get obsessed with going into people's homes, but I
21:09
want to see the inside of their classrooms.
21:11
Like, I want to smell industrial solvent and see what you did
21:15
with your bulletin board. Even though I'm not, like, truly
21:18
in the same game. Yeah.
21:20
As as a classroom teacher in this moment.
21:23
So I think liking it really helps.
21:25
I think that I've always been comfortable just dying another
21:29
day and planting a seed and not having to worry about the one
21:35
for one. I think that if I can add value
21:39
now, then the relationships going to be strong and that
21:44
person will be really motivated to help adopt the the program at
21:51
a later date, but without any pressure.
21:53
So it's almost like giving and then releasing.
21:56
Yeah. And if it doesn't workout, truly
21:59
being OK with it. At the end of the day, working
22:02
in education, if there isn't a viable impact or a significant
22:07
impact, then I actually don't want to be a part of it and I
22:10
can make recommendations for something else that they can
22:13
use. Yeah.
22:14
So I think that not feeling like I need to get something
22:19
immediately, yeah, or. Actually, people feel that.
22:22
Yeah, that's so interesting. And I love this because it
22:26
applies to every single person, right?
22:28
How we can apply these principles.
22:30
I really believe in what Tony Robbins always says of like
22:32
success leaves clues. And when you listen and you
22:35
understand what successful people are doing and you have a
22:38
proven track record of success and you say, OK, how can I apply
22:41
that to me? You are so much more powerful
22:43
and for what I just heard from you and I've never really even I
22:47
talk to you everyday and I've never picked this up was like
22:49
one just really loving what you do.
22:51
And I see myself like I was in those sales organizations and I
22:54
was number 1 and I didn't love it.
22:56
Like I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be doing what I'm
22:57
doing right now. But #2 also being able to see
23:03
the long game. And that was something that took
23:05
me a long time. Even in my own business now I've
23:08
had to really see that, you know, what I'm doing is not to
23:11
impact me right in this moment. You're building relationships
23:14
with people and you're OK with planting those seeds over the
23:17
long term. I think a lot of people want
23:19
what they want right now and they want to have this success
23:22
right now. And especially a lot of new
23:23
business owners get really discouraged because they don't
23:26
see that success right away. And really creating your own
23:29
sales territory. It really is running your own
23:31
business in a way and being OK with, OK, I'm going to plant
23:34
these seeds and I can have nothing come from it and then I
23:39
allow something to come maybe in the future, maybe not.
23:41
It doesn't matter. I'm just happy with what I'm
23:43
doing now. I think yes to everything.
23:46
Also to you were in the same meeting and literally somebody,
23:50
I'll never forget it because it was so basic.
23:53
He said, if you're right here, stop trying to sell to somebody
24:00
up here, sell to them right here.
24:02
And I, it took me a while to internalize what he was saying,
24:07
but the gist of it is, don't come from this graspy place
24:12
where you're putting everybody else on a pedestal.
24:16
Yeah, talk to people like you're talking to an old friend and be
24:21
grateful that you're there, but don't be thanking them for the
24:24
1st 25 minutes of a conversation that you're supposed to be
24:28
adding value to. Yeah.
24:30
And I think. That people can feel energy and
24:33
they can feel a lack of confidence or an unhealthy sense
24:38
of admiration. Yeah.
24:39
And just get rid of all of that. Yeah.
24:42
You know, I think one of the big things that I see with my
24:46
clients is if they're in corporate, so I kind of have to,
24:48
it's like either business owners or they're in corporate and they
24:50
want to progress in corporate, they'll want that promotion,
24:54
right? But they're not living as the
24:55
version of themselves who has that promotion, right?
24:58
That promotion is above them. That boss is above them.
25:00
That next thing is above them, you know, and it's really
25:04
learning to who would I be if I was actually at that next level?
25:08
And how would I show up? And I think you've done that so
25:11
beautifully because I've personally see like your
25:13
confidence has grown so much over, you know, the last decade
25:18
plus. And it's really cool to see you
25:22
owning yourself, you feeling so comfortable in all of these
25:25
conversations with, you know, huge people that control very,
25:29
very large budgets. And you know, you could easily
25:31
put them above you, but you don't.
25:33
And these people love you for it, you know, And I think it's
25:36
because you go in with that exact mindset you just shared.
25:38
So I would love to hear more about how you have developed
25:43
this confidence over the last X number of years because you
25:46
really have become so confident. And so just like amazingly
25:50
opened your shell. And I think it's really, really
25:52
cool to get to experience. So I'd love for you to share
25:55
with our listeners what are some things they can do to develop
25:58
that confidence in all areas of life.
26:00
That was something that I really struggled with.
26:03
Like I would have physical reactions if I wasn't feeling
26:06
confident. Like I remember talking to a
26:11
perspective client and then my voice would like quiver or break
26:16
or shake. My hands would get really
26:18
sweaty. I would think that I would need
26:21
to be somebody else and like really high energy.
26:24
So I would chug tons of coffee and then like in the middle of a
26:28
conversation, need to go to the restaurant.
26:30
Like all the things that would make me truly cringe today.
26:33
I think that part of what's made me confident is really just
26:37
knowing myself and owning who that person is.
26:40
Yeah. I think that came from saying no
26:43
to a lot of things, but then also exposing myself to a ton of
26:47
different things. It's interesting because when
26:50
someone asks how to build confidence, it's different for
26:54
everybody, right? Yeah.
26:55
And different things will work at different times in your life.
26:58
I think when you and I were just coming out of college, the idea
27:03
of having, like, this spirit animal you morph into, like,
27:06
Kobe with Black Mamba or Beyoncé, it was.
27:10
Sasha Fierce. It was.
27:11
Yeah. And I think that comes from like
27:13
kind of what you alluded to of defining what that next version
27:17
of yourself would look like. Yeah.
27:20
And even if you have to step into a costume, that will just
27:27
get you started before it becomes authentic.
27:30
Yes, I love that so much because it's almost like a back door
27:35
entry into it because you're not saying like, oh, I am Sasha
27:39
Fierce. You're saying, oh, there's this,
27:41
there's Sasha Fierce and like, I'm just going to step into this
27:44
Sasha Fierce version of myself, you know, And I think too,
27:48
something I've noticed with you as well is you have always taken
27:51
the risks, like the small risks or the big risks.
27:55
You've always been OK with taking the risks.
27:57
And I think the same for me. And I think that is really how
28:00
you really build confidence. You know, I saw this Leila
28:03
Hermosi real or something that it was and she was talking about
28:07
how confidence isn't built by journaling.
28:09
Like I am confident I can do it. Confidence really is built by
28:13
doing the things when you're not confident, you know, and I've
28:16
seen you do that and I've done that.
28:18
And I think it's expecting ourselves to go from like 0 to
28:22
confident in 15 minutes when it's OK to do something and
28:26
become a little bit more confident and a little bit more
28:29
confident. I also think there's different
28:31
avenues of confidence in like you can be really confident in
28:35
public speaking and you can be really not confident in
28:39
one-on-one conversations. You know, there's different
28:41
aspects of us and we're always going to feel different levels
28:43
of confidence based on our experience in different areas.
28:47
And going back to what you said of it's OK to actually just be
28:50
yourself, own up to who you really, really are.
28:53
I feel like I'm most confident when I'm in alignment with the
28:58
person that I actually am. Yeah.
29:00
So like in college when I thought it was the end all be
29:05
all to be like a hard science STEM major.
29:08
Yeah. And I just hated every minute,
29:11
every day when I was in these chem classes and working in a
29:16
lab. And I just, I mean, I was
29:18
unconfident for a reason. It's because I didn't along
29:21
there and I was forcing myself to be there.
29:26
Yes. And that made me feel wobbly all
29:29
the time. And same with I didn't feel
29:32
confident when I was going out to bars with people that I
29:36
didn't particularly enjoy spending time with.
29:39
Yeah. And not that there's anything
29:41
wrong with doing those activities, it's just in that
29:44
moment, it wasn't in alignment with who I was.
29:48
Yes. And it felt yucky.
29:50
Yeah. I was there for all the wrong
29:52
reasons. I was there to be viewed as cool
29:55
and connected and popular and. Yeah.
29:58
Having. Places to be with people that I
30:01
like. And it was all of Facade.
30:03
So I think if you can figure out who you want to be and just give
30:08
yourself permission and space to find what it is you actually
30:13
like. Yeah, that's really helpful.
30:15
I remember getting out of a breakup, and the next day I went
30:19
to a grocery store, which I love, like to this day love
30:22
grocery shopping. And I looked at my basket and it
30:24
was filled with the stuff that my former partner loved, like
30:28
goldfish and Cheez its and Mac and cheese, like all these
30:32
oranges. And I don't like orange food.
30:35
But I was buying them 'cause I was on autopilot and it wasn't
30:37
for me and it wasn't in alignment with me.
30:40
So Oh my God, if I couldn't eat what I wanted or like even know
30:44
what to buy that I wanted, like of course I wouldn't be.
30:48
Or comfortable. Yeah, in other places, yeah.
30:51
And I think it can be so simple of just literally being in a
30:53
situation and being like, do I actually like being here or
30:56
looking at your grocery basket and being like, do I actually
30:59
like these foods? Is this actually what I want for
31:01
my life? Because you're right, it's so
31:03
often we get on autopilot based on who we were growing up or who
31:06
we have been in a past relationship and we forget, you
31:10
know, like, I look back and I spent so much time rock climbing
31:12
and I was like, did I actually even like rock climbing?
31:14
Like I was scared all the time because I really enjoying that.
31:18
I don't know. But now I know, you know, I do
31:21
believe contrast is important because it shows us what we
31:24
actually don't want, you know, and we developed so much more of
31:27
a human being when we start to recognize and vote for what we
31:30
want and vote for what we don't want.
31:31
I would love to leave our listeners with just one last
31:34
piece of advice. So what do you think it means
31:38
for someone to really be in alignment?
31:43
Wow. I mean, only that person can
31:46
ever answer that. Yeah.
31:48
And often times that definition would be different based on new
31:53
knowledge that you gain or where you are in a specific time in
31:58
life. If you're in alignment, you'll
32:02
have a sense of peace even if you are growing, and by
32:07
definition that's not necessarily comfortable.
32:09
Yeah. But you will feel at peace with
32:12
that stretch. Like it doesn't necessarily feel
32:15
great to go to yoga and be reaching for your toes or to be
32:20
learning something new. But there will be this
32:24
underlying tone of, oh, I'm climbing the hill that I'm
32:28
supposed to be on. Yeah.
32:30
And I want to see what's at the top.
32:32
Yeah, instead of knowing that that's not destined for you,
32:37
which is how I spent so much of my 20s.
32:39
Yeah, I really like your analogy of the hill.
32:41
Well, thank you so much for being here with us today.
32:44
I've really enjoyed getting to talk to you.
32:46
I mean, I can talk to you for the next 6 hours.
32:48
Oh my gosh, well thank you for having me.
32:50
Cheers to 17 years of friendship since 17.
32:53
I love you so much. I love you too.