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Should I Hook Up With My Neighbor? · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:16
Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do Part two.
0:18
Speaker 2: It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and
0:22
Speaker 2: I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.
0:24
Speaker 1: Into our hotline, and if you have any.
0:26
Speaker 2: Questions, you can always call us at eight four four
0:29
Speaker 2: four four three six seven six' three and leave a,
0:33
Speaker 2: comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of
0:36
Speaker 2: incoming voicemails asking for some.
0:38
Speaker 1: Advice so Today i'm going.
0:40
Speaker 2: To dive in and give you an honest perspective from
0:43
Speaker 2: a single male divorce.
0:45
Speaker 1: Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.
0:47
Speaker 2: Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive
0:50
Speaker 2: right into our first.
0:52
Speaker 1: VOICEMAIL i have a.
0:53
Speaker 3: QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's
0:58
Speaker 3: so one. Great my husband has a really good best
1:03
Speaker 3: friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out
1:08
Speaker 3: one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like
1:11
Speaker 3: ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love,
1:15
Speaker 3: her BUT i also have always had this feeling that
1:19
Speaker 3: she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted.
1:22
Speaker 3: On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?
1:24
Speaker 4: Here thank you so, Much so.
1:27
Speaker 2: This is a really good, question AND i guess the
1:30
Speaker 2: first thing is was that relationship there when you started?
1:33
Speaker 2: Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself?
1:36
Speaker 2: Into and you, know was this relationship present when you
1:40
Speaker 2: started dating and falling in? Love and then did it
1:43
Speaker 2: then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know
1:47
Speaker 2: you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's
1:50
Speaker 2: the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand
1:54
Speaker 2: that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice.
1:56
Speaker 2: Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the
2:00
Speaker 2: way that it feels when you see somebody else with
2:03
Speaker 2: your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy
2:07
Speaker 2: whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and
2:12
Speaker 2: that's one of those things can start to fester and get,
2:15
Speaker 2: complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get.
2:18
Speaker 2: Worse so, YES i think that you know that your
2:23
Speaker 2: old friendships do and should change and respect the new,
2:26
Speaker 2: relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have
2:30
Speaker 2: to be honest about. It you have to be able
2:32
Speaker 2: to talk about that with your you, know with your significant.
2:35
Speaker 2: Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you,
2:39
Speaker 2: know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about
2:42
Speaker 2: or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about.
2:44
Speaker 2: It but you, know at this part especially we're talking
2:47
Speaker 2: chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything
2:53
Speaker 2: so talk about, it all?
2:54
Speaker 1: Right what do you?
2:56
Speaker 2: Think we go into our next voicemail and start to
2:59
Speaker 2: listen a little bit about talking about dating after.
3:01
Speaker 1: Divorce, Hi so.
3:04
Speaker 5: WHAT i want to know is when did you feel
3:06
Speaker 5: comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW
3:11
Speaker 5: i put so much emotion and so much everything into
3:15
Speaker 5: my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a
3:17
Speaker 5: whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel
3:19
Speaker 5: comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when
3:23
Speaker 5: did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?
3:25
Speaker 2: Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you,
3:30
Speaker 2: know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you,
3:35
Speaker 2: know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the
3:39
Speaker 2: table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough
3:43
Speaker 2: especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time
3:46
Speaker 2: and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex
3:48
Speaker 2: across the, table and you, know so it took a.
3:51
Speaker 2: While and the way THAT i kind of got used
3:54
Speaker 2: to it was going out with a group of people
3:58
Speaker 2: and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in
4:01
Speaker 2: a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND
4:03
Speaker 2: i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i
4:06
Speaker 2: could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't
4:08
Speaker 2: back off when you're on a one in one, date
4:10
Speaker 2: but you're just another person because it's just you, know
4:13
Speaker 2: obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it
4:15
Speaker 2: was a little bit like dipping my toe in the
4:17
Speaker 2: water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over.
4:21
Speaker 2: Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks
4:23
Speaker 2: or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but
4:26
Speaker 2: the more that you get out, there the more you
4:27
Speaker 2: put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you,
4:32
Speaker 2: know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get,
4:35
Speaker 2: easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately
4:40
Speaker 2: and you just have to kind of feel your way
4:42
Speaker 2: through and do it feels right to. You but that first,
4:46
Speaker 2: date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect,
4:49
Speaker 2: that get used to, it get ready for. It but
4:52
Speaker 2: it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next
4:56
Speaker 2: voicemail coming in from another.
4:58
Speaker 6: Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel
5:03
Speaker 6: like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this?
5:07
Speaker 6: Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not
5:10
Speaker 6: take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?
5:12
Speaker 2: Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if
5:17
Speaker 2: you know you haven't been married before and, you're you,
5:21
Speaker 2: know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to
5:24
Speaker 2: naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and
5:29
Speaker 2: to complain it about an x and to compare to
5:31
Speaker 2: an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag
5:35
Speaker 2: but here's another situation which you just need to communicate
5:38
Speaker 2: that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you
5:42
Speaker 2: know this other person that you're dating that's been married,
5:44
Speaker 2: before that might be all that they know for a long,
5:48
Speaker 2: time and so that's what they're comparing you to to
5:51
Speaker 2: something that is known to, them that is comfortable to
5:53
Speaker 2: them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work.
5:58
Speaker 2: Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative
6:01
Speaker 2: it could be comparisons for the things that that person
6:05
Speaker 2: found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on
6:09
Speaker 2: the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying
6:12
Speaker 2: some of the things that they didn't like about that.
6:15
Speaker 2: Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable
6:17
Speaker 2: if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think
6:21
Speaker 2: it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey
6:25
Speaker 2: you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's
6:28
Speaker 2: okay to you, know to have learned from your past,
6:32
Speaker 2: relationships but at some point you have to move on
6:35
Speaker 2: and be the best version of you you can be for.
6:39
Speaker 2: Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it
6:42
Speaker 2: makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right
6:46
Speaker 2: we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so
6:49
Speaker 2: let's roll that.
6:50
Speaker 1: Voicemail.
6:51
Speaker 7: Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and
6:55
Speaker 7: starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor
6:58
Speaker 7: who moved in across the street meems to be. Single
7:01
Speaker 7: SHOULD i even attempt to date.
7:03
Speaker 5: Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?
7:06
Speaker 7: Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK
7:09
Speaker 7: i should?
7:10
Speaker 8: Do thank you so.
7:11
Speaker 1: Much dating the.
7:13
Speaker 2: Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very.
7:18
Speaker 2: Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High
7:23
Speaker 2: the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality,
7:27
Speaker 2: show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the
7:32
Speaker 2: old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep
7:36
Speaker 2: and this old adage or this new ad, is you
7:39
Speaker 2: don't want to date where you sleep because in the
7:42
Speaker 2: event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know
7:44
Speaker 2: if you look.
7:45
Speaker 1: At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on
7:48
Speaker 1: you're going to have.
7:50
Speaker 2: That person watching who goes in and out of your
7:53
Speaker 2: house and in and out of your driveway or in
7:55
Speaker 2: and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know,
7:59
Speaker 2: again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to.
8:02
Speaker 2: Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried.
8:04
Speaker 2: ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a.
8:08
Speaker 2: Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for.
8:11
Speaker 2: COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open
8:13
Speaker 2: your door and see that person that you tried to
8:16
Speaker 2: date it didn't.
8:17
Speaker 1: Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.
8:20
Speaker 2: Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person
8:23
Speaker 2: lives down the street or across, town or near your
8:26
Speaker 2: coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's.
8:29
Speaker 2: Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them
8:32
Speaker 2: you might, not but it's going to be kind of an.
8:33
Speaker 2: Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment
8:36
Speaker 2: building and that person is right across.
8:38
Speaker 1: The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.
8:42
Speaker 2: It SO i don't think that there's a there's a
8:44
Speaker 2: rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough
8:47
Speaker 2: away that you, know.
8:50
Speaker 1: If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.
8:53
Speaker 2: Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like
8:56
Speaker 2: dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources
9:00
Speaker 2: File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because,
9:07
Speaker 2: inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong
9:10
Speaker 2: it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you,
9:13
Speaker 2: know just like you're walking into an office every day
9:15
Speaker 2: and seeing that same, person if you live across the
9:18
Speaker 2: street or next door in close proximity to that, person.
9:21
Speaker 1: It's gonna be kind of the same.
9:22
Speaker 2: Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance
9:29
Speaker 2: across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake
9:33
Speaker 2: it's very very convenient to you, know for a you,
9:37
Speaker 2: know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close
9:40
Speaker 2: by to.
9:40
Speaker 1: You but just think of the.
9:43
Speaker 2: Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the
9:46
Speaker 2: next time you show, up you, know at your at
9:50
Speaker 2: your the door to your house and you've got somebody else,
9:53
Speaker 2: there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.
9:57
Speaker 1: Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.
10:02
Speaker 2: Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience
10:05
Speaker 2: WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office
10:08
Speaker 2: romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it
10:12
Speaker 2: lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get
10:15
Speaker 2: into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third.
10:18
Speaker 2: Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were
10:22
Speaker 2: in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing
10:27
Speaker 2: showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we
10:32
Speaker 2: were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward
10:35
Speaker 2: it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit
10:37
Speaker 2: but it could have been. Worse don't make it.
10:39
Speaker 9: Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee.
10:51
Speaker 9: Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one
10:56
Speaker 9: the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.
10:59
Speaker 3: Done it really felt like it was one of those
11:02
Speaker 3: situations where you literally do or.
11:06
Speaker 9: Die monica stared down shame and came out the other,
11:09
Speaker 9: side and she is here to change what you thought you.
11:12
Speaker 10: Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.
11:15
Speaker 9: A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting.
11:19
Speaker 9: Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple,
11:22
Speaker 9: podcasts or wherever you get your.
11:24
Speaker 2: Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail
11:32
Speaker 2: of the.
11:32
Speaker 1: Afternoon take it.
11:33
Speaker 11: Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized
11:39
Speaker 11: last week and it's been a long time.
11:41
Speaker 12: Coming i'm ready to.
11:42
Speaker 11: Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as
11:47
Speaker 11: someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the,
11:51
Speaker 11: raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them.
11:55
Speaker 11: AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced
11:59
Speaker 11: but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel
12:02
Speaker 11: LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't
12:05
Speaker 11: want to give him too much info on our first.
12:07
Speaker 1: Date what do you?
12:08
Speaker 6: Think let me?
12:09
Speaker 12: Know thank?
12:09
Speaker 2: You SO i will say that all of my, Advice
12:13
Speaker 2: my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships
12:16
Speaker 2: especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be,
12:21
Speaker 2: honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said,
12:26
Speaker 2: that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS
12:29
Speaker 2: i think that you should be honest whether you, know
12:31
Speaker 2: if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and
12:33
Speaker 2: that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should
12:37
Speaker 2: share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know
12:40
Speaker 2: what your past relationship history is and reasons why you
12:45
Speaker 2: might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that,
12:49
Speaker 2: yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have
12:52
Speaker 2: to go diving into it right on the first, date
12:55
Speaker 2: before you know this is someone you're going to see
12:57
Speaker 2: for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever.
13:00
Speaker 2: Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think
13:05
Speaker 2: that you want to be as clear and open and
13:09
Speaker 2: honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through
13:13
Speaker 2: a relationship and it starts to develop more and.
13:15
Speaker 1: More you owe it to that. Person that person owes
13:18
Speaker 1: it to you as.
13:19
Speaker 2: Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from
13:22
Speaker 2: a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you
13:25
Speaker 2: need to make sure that other person knows it so
13:27
Speaker 2: they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't
13:31
Speaker 2: know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you,
13:34
Speaker 2: know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a
13:38
Speaker 2: story that that they just grew, apart a story about
13:41
Speaker 2: them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when
13:45
Speaker 2: someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person
13:49
Speaker 2: cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of,
13:51
Speaker 2: those all of those those damaging things that can cause a.
13:56
Speaker 2: Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna
14:00
Speaker 2: be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying
14:02
Speaker 2: some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while
14:04
Speaker 2: to get, through and you're gonna need that person that
14:07
Speaker 2: you're dating to help you get through that over. Time
14:10
Speaker 2: and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know
14:13
Speaker 2: what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be,
14:15
Speaker 2: sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately
14:18
Speaker 2: you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be,
14:22
Speaker 2: honest be. Open you don't have to start off right
14:25
Speaker 2: away with all of the delicate, details but you, know
14:30
Speaker 2: if you want to let somebody, in you have to
14:32
Speaker 2: let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've
14:35
Speaker 2: got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.
14:38
Speaker 13: Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you
14:41
Speaker 13: being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split
14:43
Speaker 13: about three years, ago and now she's saying a much
14:46
Speaker 13: younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF
14:49
Speaker 13: i need to be friends with him so he can
14:51
Speaker 13: be around my son a, lot or if this is
14:54
Speaker 13: something THAT i should just push off to the side.
14:56
Speaker 1: And let happen.
14:57
Speaker 13: Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get
15:00
Speaker 13: a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know
15:02
Speaker 13: just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.
15:05
Speaker 12: Insight.
15:05
Speaker 2: Thanks, well this is a great question and a great
15:09
Speaker 2: perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is
15:13
Speaker 2: a you, know a large likelihood that you are going
15:16
Speaker 2: to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going
15:20
Speaker 2: to find that your ex is going to date somebody
15:22
Speaker 2: that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with
15:26
Speaker 2: whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when
15:30
Speaker 2: not only to introduce the new love of your life
15:34
Speaker 2: to your, kids also when is it time to introduce
15:39
Speaker 2: the love of your life to the you, know the
15:43
Speaker 2: father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's
15:47
Speaker 2: it's a really case dependent because of, course when you
15:50
Speaker 2: sit back and think about. It you want to, have you,
15:52
Speaker 2: know a very modern family type of relationship where you
15:56
Speaker 2: have the ex and then you know husband or wife
15:59
Speaker 2: and new love and you are all you know, together co,
16:05
Speaker 2: parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a
16:09
Speaker 2: lot of times there are complications to. It there might
16:12
Speaker 2: be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a
16:15
Speaker 2: lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind
16:20
Speaker 2: of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate
16:25
Speaker 2: SO i think it's important to be willing to meet
16:29
Speaker 2: your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though
16:34
Speaker 2: because you know you want to make sure that that
16:36
Speaker 2: person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes,
16:40
Speaker 2: organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't
16:42
Speaker 2: want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know
16:45
Speaker 2: that there is going to be somebody else in your
16:47
Speaker 2: child's life at some. Point but at what point do
16:51
Speaker 2: you want to then invest yourself and your time and
16:54
Speaker 2: your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think
16:57
Speaker 2: it's something that has to happen right out of the.
16:59
Speaker 2: GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon
17:02
Speaker 2: BUT i think you want to understand who that person
17:04
Speaker 2: is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare
17:08
Speaker 2: of your, child but you want to you, know you
17:10
Speaker 2: want to know what kind of people are going to
17:12
Speaker 2: be around your.
17:13
Speaker 1: Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do
17:14
Speaker 1: you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.
17:16
Speaker 2: So BUT i think that you want to make sure
17:19
Speaker 2: that you're aware of who is around your. Child who
17:23
Speaker 2: could be you, know that next person that's filling in
17:26
Speaker 2: some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but
17:31
Speaker 2: just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically
17:35
Speaker 2: to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your
17:38
Speaker 2: responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child
17:41
Speaker 2: and your child's welfare is taken care.
17:43
Speaker 8: Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your
17:50
Speaker 8: ex and your new significant other to be hanging out
17:55
Speaker 8: without you?
17:55
Speaker 1: Involved so this is SOMETHING i.
17:57
Speaker 2: HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a
18:00
Speaker 2: very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what
18:03
Speaker 2: is the right time to start introducing or being around
18:08
Speaker 2: a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we
18:11
Speaker 2: both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested
18:14
Speaker 2: because you don't want your, kids you, know having a
18:16
Speaker 2: revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and
18:20
Speaker 2: out because they're not going to know when to invest
18:23
Speaker 2: themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think
18:29
Speaker 2: at any point that my kids would be around a
18:32
Speaker 2: new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.
18:37
Speaker 1: Does it is probably the most difficult.
18:39
Speaker 2: Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that
18:44
Speaker 2: there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my,
18:47
Speaker 2: child that's going to be having an experience, travel you,
18:52
Speaker 2: know even something as simple as you know as a
18:55
Speaker 2: dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing
19:00
Speaker 2: about being divorced is being away from your kids at,
19:03
Speaker 2: All but then supplement in somebody.
19:05
Speaker 1: Else is there when you're not. There so.
19:10
Speaker 2: You, know in a perfect, world you know you would
19:12
Speaker 2: you would always be able to be around your, Children
19:14
Speaker 2: but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That
19:18
Speaker 2: it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving
19:20
Speaker 2: on and the only way that you can make it
19:24
Speaker 2: any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever
19:29
Speaker 2: it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting
19:33
Speaker 2: to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.
19:38
Speaker 1: History through their.
19:38
Speaker 2: Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully
19:41
Speaker 2: build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never
19:45
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that
19:48
Speaker 2: but for the sake of the kids and the sake
19:50
Speaker 2: of your your ex and moving, on.
19:55
Speaker 1: You have to come to grips with. It you have
19:58
Speaker 1: to find some piece in.
19:59
Speaker 2: It and the way That i've found piece in it
20:02
Speaker 2: is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character,
20:06
Speaker 2: is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part
20:11
Speaker 2: go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you,
20:15
Speaker 2: know five days with my boys down at the, beach you,
20:17
Speaker 2: KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my.
20:20
Speaker 2: Ex and that's even that in and of itself is
20:25
Speaker 2: really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a.
20:27
Speaker 2: Break you've been single datting for for a week and
20:29
Speaker 2: now you get, to you, know get a.
20:30
Speaker 1: Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.
20:31
Speaker 2: Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a
20:34
Speaker 2: release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of,
20:38
Speaker 2: LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing
20:41
Speaker 2: and you know it has to happen at some. Point
20:44
Speaker 2: there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make
20:47
Speaker 2: it any.
20:47
Speaker 10: Easier dancing with The stars is looking for a new,
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Speaker 10: pro and since last SEASON i came in eighth, Place
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Speaker 14: There i've spent my entire life in the, ballroom so
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Speaker 10: Help i'm Daniel fisher And I'm, bouchmerkovsky and we have
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Speaker 1: Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.
21:49
Speaker 12: Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and
21:53
Speaker 12: trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single.
21:56
Speaker 12: Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis
22:00
Speaker 12: who are the mother of their. Kids my question is
22:04
Speaker 12: it up to me as the new girlfriend to help
22:06
Speaker 12: them bridge that?
22:07
Speaker 1: Gap, yeah this is a difficult.
22:09
Speaker 2: Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's
22:13
Speaker 2: let's take a step back here even before talking, about you,
22:16
Speaker 2: know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into
22:20
Speaker 2: a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced
22:24
Speaker 2: there is a natural kind of i don't, know like
22:27
Speaker 2: a caution flag that goes up if they don't have
22:30
Speaker 2: a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have
22:33
Speaker 2: a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really
22:35
Speaker 2: all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's?
22:38
Speaker 2: Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility
22:41
Speaker 2: so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous
22:45
Speaker 2: AND i will have some red flags start to poke
22:48
Speaker 2: up a little.
22:49
Speaker 1: Bit and you, know you want someone that you.
22:54
Speaker 2: Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a
22:56
Speaker 2: decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co,
23:02
Speaker 2: parent to be able to put the child, first And
23:05
Speaker 2: i've heard horror stories where again that the child is
23:09
Speaker 2: kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used
23:13
Speaker 2: as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent,
23:18
Speaker 2: now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or,
23:22
Speaker 2: pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or,
23:26
Speaker 2: helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really
23:31
Speaker 2: it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know
23:33
Speaker 2: for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah
23:37
Speaker 2: had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know
23:41
Speaker 2: should she be trying to step in and help out
23:44
Speaker 2: and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a,
23:47
Speaker 2: partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know
23:49
Speaker 2: in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know.
23:52
Speaker 2: Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject
23:56
Speaker 2: how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child
24:01
Speaker 2: how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i
24:05
Speaker 2: would be cautious about trying to step in too much
24:09
Speaker 2: and giving your.
24:09
Speaker 1: Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.
24:12
Speaker 2: You want to give you, know as much you, know
24:14
Speaker 2: guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful
24:17
Speaker 2: about not being seen as meddling too much because you
24:21
Speaker 2: know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately
24:26
Speaker 2: ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar,
24:29
Speaker 2: tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you,
24:33
Speaker 2: know a lot of history that you may not be familiar,
24:36
Speaker 2: with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best,
24:41
Speaker 2: intentions even because you just want to, help you might
24:45
Speaker 2: end up really making it.
24:47
Speaker 1: Worse and this is A this.
24:50
Speaker 2: Is one of those times when you almost have to
24:52
Speaker 2: kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step,
24:55
Speaker 2: in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all
24:59
Speaker 2: you want to do is.
24:59
Speaker 1: Help, okay that was.
25:01
Speaker 2: A great question and we're now to our final voicemail
25:05
Speaker 2: of the.
25:05
Speaker 5: Day SO i just.
25:07
Speaker 4: Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid
25:10
Speaker 4: like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more
25:12
Speaker 4: of a private. Person but he's weird about his.
25:15
Speaker 5: Phone like we'll be driving.
25:18
Speaker 4: And i'll like be asking him for his phone password
25:21
Speaker 4: to put on some music or, whatever and he gave
25:25
Speaker 4: it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched
25:28
Speaker 4: his phone.
25:28
Speaker 6: Password like SHOULD i be?
25:30
Speaker 5: Concerned why is.
25:31
Speaker 4: He being so weird and secretive about his?
25:33
Speaker 2: Phone and this is a really really great question and
25:35
Speaker 2: a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which
25:39
Speaker 2: is the.
25:39
Speaker 1: Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.
25:43
Speaker 2: A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating
25:48
Speaker 2: lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time
25:51
Speaker 2: you know someone who used to hide a diary under
25:54
Speaker 2: the bed or something like, That but now all your
25:57
Speaker 2: secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking,
26:00
Speaker 2: to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures
26:04
Speaker 2: do you? Like all these all this stuff that is
26:06
Speaker 2: really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and
26:11
Speaker 2: the expectation is this is just you know that that's.
26:14
Speaker 2: Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one
26:17
Speaker 2: that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone
26:20
Speaker 2: but as you get in a, relationship of course you're
26:22
Speaker 2: gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are
26:23
Speaker 2: you looking? At who are you talking? To are you
26:26
Speaker 2: talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?
26:28
Speaker 1: Know are you you?
26:29
Speaker 2: Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost
26:34
Speaker 2: impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share.
26:40
Speaker 2: That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy
26:44
Speaker 2: versus where does it become you're just right to know
26:49
Speaker 2: what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and
26:52
Speaker 2: where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like
26:56
Speaker 2: I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a.
27:01
Speaker 2: Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to
27:05
Speaker 2: share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking,
27:09
Speaker 2: to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you,
27:13
Speaker 2: know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear,
27:16
Speaker 2: codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should
27:20
Speaker 2: be hiding from their significant.
27:21
Speaker 1: Other.
27:22
Speaker 2: NOW i get it if you're in the early stages
27:24
Speaker 2: of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each,
27:27
Speaker 2: other and you should probably think there's probably a high
27:29
Speaker 2: likelihood that there are other people in his life or
27:32
Speaker 2: her life that they haven't let go. Of but if
27:36
Speaker 2: you've been dating for a, while if you are moving
27:38
Speaker 2: on to those next logical steps of a relationship of
27:41
Speaker 2: moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together,
27:46
Speaker 2: yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you
27:51
Speaker 2: should know who they're talking, to you should know where
27:53
Speaker 2: they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you,
27:59
Speaker 2: know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.
28:02
Speaker 1: Up dissolving and falls.
28:05
Speaker 2: Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is
28:09
Speaker 2: so important that they're unwilling to share a password and
28:11
Speaker 2: let you know what they've been up.
28:12
Speaker 1: To, well thanks for all those.
28:14
Speaker 2: Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it
28:17
Speaker 2: need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce,
28:21
Speaker 2: process you can send us an email or leave us
28:24
Speaker 2: a voicemail and all you got to do is call
28:27
Speaker 2: us at eight four four four four three six seven six,
28:33
Speaker 2: three leave us a.
28:34
Speaker 1: Voicemail we'll listen to.
28:36
Speaker 2: It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and
28:38
Speaker 2: hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I,
28:41
Speaker 2: Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
28:46
Speaker 2: love is the main.
28:48
Speaker 1: Objective