Latest / Mommywood / Alessandra Torresani

Transcript

Alessandra Torresani · Mommywood

0:00
Mom. Hey, I'm your host.
0:06
Emily V. I'm an actor teacher, and a new
0:10
mom. Once my daughter arrived, I went
0:12
on the hunt for answers to all my questions about being a
0:16
working actor. Mom, and what did I find?
0:19
Well practically nothing. So here I am asking all the
0:22
questions to try to figure out how people do it, how our
0:25
mothers balancing and not balancing Parenthood in this
0:29
crazy. Three.
0:30
Join me. And my amazing guess, as a, we
0:32
take a real look into the life of a working entertainment
0:36
industry moms everywhere. Oh, this episode is just so much
0:41
fun. I'm talking with Alessandra
0:44
torresani, she's an actor, she is the host of the podcast
0:49
emotional support. You should definitely check it
0:52
out. She is just the coolest.
0:56
This episode brings me so much joy.
0:59
We talked about everything in this episode.
1:02
We talk about our meet-cute dare.
1:05
I say we have one of the best meeting stories I've ever heard.
1:09
We also Talk about self tapes. We talk about mental health, we
1:13
talk about birth stories. Breastfeeding we talked about
1:16
how important it is to have other moms in your corner.
1:21
We are just two gals chat and getting to know each other.
1:25
This episode brings me so much joy and I hope you enjoy it.
1:30
I hope it gives you a sense of community, I hope it makes you
1:35
laugh and I hope you enjoy. Alessandra.
1:42
Okay, I'm so excited. Okay.
1:46
I have to start by saying, I think we have the best like
1:52
meeting each other story. I know, it's really cute.
1:57
I also have cute. I also have to admit it.
2:00
So I'll tell the story. But I also have to admit that I
2:04
was definitely creepy on my end because that on a neighborhood
2:08
walk. I mean, you were walking with
2:11
your husband, And baby girl. Yeah, I was also walking with my
2:15
husband and baby girl. We passed each other, and I was
2:18
like, how old is she? And we have the same due date.
2:22
I know, which is so weird. I'll yes.
2:25
And so may was 32 days early and get two days, two days late, or
2:32
days apart, and then it was like your husband's sister is named.
2:39
Yes. So, her name was Marion, that's
2:41
your baby's. Name, we were talking about how
2:44
the other name you were going to name me.
2:46
A was Dorothy, which is my grandma's name, which is what I
2:49
was thinking of naming my baby. So I was like, oh my God, this
2:52
is so weird. And you remind me so much of my
2:57
cousin Kim. It's like uncanny like oh, it's
3:02
a great thing. She's the best.
3:04
She's the most fun ever the same mannerisms, a kissing
3:08
everything. So it was just like a child.
3:11
So bizarre, And just so fun. And and then like we were
3:15
stalking each other in the neighborhood because every time
3:18
I see a baby, I'm like, how old is your baby?
3:21
Is it close in age? Okay, you know, well, the funny
3:25
thing is right after we like, we're like, okay bye, nice dog,
3:30
nice to see. And then we walked away.
3:33
Also, my husband knows Preston. And yours is Sturgis, which is I
3:38
am so bad at your name names that I was like, oh, Preston
3:42
Sturges. That makes sense.
3:43
It's yeah. Um, but we walked away from you
3:48
guys and I was like depressed and I was like, yeah, they seem
3:53
like so nice and like, what are the chances?
3:56
We should have gotten him number and then I was like, what are
3:59
the chances? We're going to like cross again
4:02
even on this one walk like yeah. No.
4:05
It's and so like we got to one of the Corners and I was
4:08
literally like, looking down. Oh my God.
4:12
I was like, I hope they come and I kid you not, we saw you coming
4:17
and I was like, we're just gonna linger.
4:19
No, don't play bass again and again so I can ask no because I
4:24
told George I'm like, let's cook it.
4:26
Let's go like, we have to like talk to them.
4:28
These are like our friends like obvious like this is wild, it's
4:32
new but honestly I think that it's super important.
4:36
I know a lot of people that had Babies and wanted to, you know,
4:41
have friendships with people that they met in neighborhoods
4:44
and stuff and they always would like miss it, right?
4:47
And I'm a firm believer in. I didn't want to be like,
4:50
stalker should be like, yeah. That's your number, you know,
4:54
because like strangers and like stranger danger.
4:57
Right? You know.
4:58
But but for me honestly, I was so keen on being like, I want to
5:03
talk to people who have kids because you don't know Forget,
5:08
even if you like the kids like being friends, right?
5:12
But like mom's like, I don't know for you.
5:15
But for me, like, I went through a lot like postpartum and so for
5:20
me, I'm like, anytime I can meet a mom, that's close in age, or
5:23
like, or similar, like the babies are close in age, maybe
5:26
they understand what I'm going through.
5:29
So, then I'm not like, the only, like, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
5:31
one, you know, so it's like a nice like camaraderie.
5:35
Like, you know, it's a familiarity, look, you Is it
5:38
hard to have conversations postpartum about babysit that?
5:43
Your friends are from swearing? But the little that like, you're
5:46
like other friends who don't have babies, like some of them
5:49
won't understand. So it's not like I don't want to
5:51
feel like I'm talking only about babies now that I'm a mom.
5:55
Yeah, but also that's what's, it's right now.
6:00
That's what the current I was. I look outside my door and I see
6:03
a baby and I always should talk to them.
6:06
Come join the podcast. But yeah, no.
6:09
You don't want to be that person that always talks about it but
6:12
that's just realistically like, where we are in our life and it
6:16
would be like as if we were dating.
6:17
Someone new or if we were getting married or, you know,
6:20
going through a divorce or whatever.
6:22
Like that's just where you are in that moment of your life.
6:26
Yeah. And especially like somebody
6:29
else has to understand even if you're like that's not exactly
6:32
what you're talking about. It's like have mothers within
6:37
the same like Age group. You're like you at least like
6:40
get it like you don't even have to say anything like
6:45
rescheduling and things like that and when you're like, oh
6:48
like I have to do this, I have to nap time didn't go well like
6:52
give me all like not even comparing but like being able to
6:57
like know like hey like for me look I am so lost on like naps
7:02
and scheduling and all this stuff like I'm like the furthest
7:06
I'm a little too loose As a Goose, when it comes to like my
7:10
child, like I'm just like, yeah. Like it's a free-for-all, you
7:13
know what I mean? Like, you know, that's amazing.
7:15
I wish I'd it's like, nerve-racking to do it because
7:18
I'm like, well, maybe I should. And so I'm so grateful to have
7:22
friends like, you and like other friends who have babies around
7:25
the same age, working kind of check in and be like, is this
7:28
normal like is this supposed to happen?
7:31
You know, you don't feel alone. It's a very lonely time.
7:33
Yeah, man. I wish I could be as like cool
7:37
as you because that's seems like that is such a like it's good.
7:40
I think it's lazy. No, no no bad parenting.
7:44
No, it's not. It's so not because I like I
7:48
just we just had a four month checkup today and I was like I'm
7:54
so type A and like doing the app where like it's like oh this is
7:59
one or nap is involved, walk right in the pediatricians, like
8:02
she's the boss like just follow her, is the boss don't like
8:07
okay. Like yeah, I wish I was more of
8:11
like a chill. Like this is when she's
8:15
sleeping. This is when and like I've
8:18
learned now a little bit already and I need a need for like 20.
8:23
Does you twice Yeah we're having like but now with my own it's
8:26
like I did so different was especially for your first like I
8:31
mean it's both of our first but like to be like cool about it
8:35
and not be like oh my God what is this?
8:37
And what is that? Like I don't know if it's cool
8:39
or if it's just like I don't know any other way because this
8:44
is how I was raised. Like, maybe that's what it is or
8:48
just you know I think realistically I have a very I
8:54
don't go to bed early. I never have.
8:57
I never will like that's just that's just like how I am.
9:01
I get up early and I'm ready to go ready with me.
9:06
So she wants to party like she came with us to you know,
9:10
birthday party last night until like 9:00 and then we came home
9:15
and we watched, you know, a movie and my God maybe it's not
9:19
great. But for me, it's what works with
9:22
my schedule and I think that that's just Just kind of how I
9:26
am going to keep it going until you know what when she has to
9:31
like, get up early and like she does but right now I don't want
9:35
to rock the boat because she's sleeping really well.
9:37
And I'm just like a working is like working, you know?
9:42
But it is really hard because you're just like I don't want to
9:46
I don't want to mess it up by not implementing certain things,
9:50
you know. But I'm also very See, I think
9:54
she's just a great kid and I was really like born born with the
10:00
Ayah. I credited it to meditation
10:02
because I meditated when I was pregnant and then my husband
10:05
meditates like twice a day and so she'll meditate with him and
10:10
like sit with him when that happens and I'll try to still
10:13
meditate, but it's been very hard postpartum for me to get
10:16
back into it. Yeah but no I love that she
10:21
liked men so I think that's why she's kind of a Zen baby Be like
10:25
because of that, I don't know. Yeah, you know he's a very okay.
10:29
So my other stalker thing that now I have to admit because
10:34
obviously since I asked you to be on this box, guess I have to
10:38
admit that. So I found you on Instagram.
10:41
And then I was like, I'm glad you have a podcast, which is
10:44
amazing. And so I just like, listen to
10:47
like your latest episode and I was like, oh my God, I didn't
10:52
know you were an actor. Also And I was like, what are
10:55
the chances? Because I feel like I've because
10:59
I'm from the Midwest, I'm from st.
11:01
Louis. And any most not all, but most
11:05
of my friends who moved out here from acting from college to
11:13
pursue a career, like most of them are gone like they moved
11:16
back. They wanted to like they wanted
11:19
to start a family so they went back as of the good, right?
11:24
but yeah, I did like lose most of my Actor, friends.
11:29
And then I didn't have didn't think I was going to have any
11:33
mom friends because when I got pregnant, I was like, I don't
11:37
know anyone. So now to like, realize there
11:41
Mike, oh, there's moms that are actors that are here like what?
11:45
This like amazing and like trying to figure out, how, how
11:50
people do it like? Justin, just navigating it?
11:55
Yeah, yeah, did you? I feel like I wonder because
12:00
this is something that I, like I had to contemplate and think
12:03
about, for many reasons, for me. But did you feel a lot of
12:08
pressure with your a like, not your age but like being like,
12:11
okay, if I want to have a family, I better start.
12:14
But also like what's it going to do to my career?
12:17
Like what's it going to do? Look, are people not going to
12:19
see me the same? Like am I still going to
12:22
audition for the same types of roles?
12:25
Am I only going to be seen as a mom?
12:26
Now just Like, did you feel that problem before?
12:31
Did you spontaneously get pregnant?
12:33
Did you plan it like kind of what was your?
12:36
Yeah. So well I was.
12:40
So I turned 35 like two weeks before May was born.
12:46
So they called it a geriatric pregnancy which don't you just
12:49
love it. What's your birthday?
12:51
May 27th. Okay.
12:55
Yeah, you ready for this? Oh God.
12:57
You ready for this? My birthday is May 29th. 35,
13:05
Gemini are two days apart and I was daughters are two days about
13:11
so wild. Oh my God.
13:17
We're this worldly life. That's crazy.
13:22
Insane. Are the chances that is
13:26
insanity? We were both Jerry.
13:29
Geriatric pregnancy. Yeah, we literally do right now.
13:33
You bet, especially barely, aren't you tease apart?
13:36
And our babies are two days. Apart, that is insane.
13:39
That's hilarious. Like, okay microphone because I
13:43
can't believe it. We were both geriatric
13:47
pregnancies, which my doctor to be fair with, like, that's
13:50
bullshit. I know.
13:51
That's not true, like that, but it is a weird thing, right when
13:55
he turned 30, but, but that is so wild.
13:57
So, can you believe we both have Gemini's?
14:00
That's a, yeah. I'm I don't know if you follow
14:03
like astrology, I don't really but somehow I found out that I'm
14:08
a triple Gemini. So, like my moon, oh my gosh.
14:13
Yeah, and Preston's mother, my husband's mom is a triple Gemini
14:18
as well. So I need to find out is way.
14:22
Wait, what's Preston's birthday? Essence a cancer.
14:25
He's love cancers. Yeah, my dad.
14:29
Oh, I love ya. Oh, I love cancer.
14:33
So emotional. Yeah.
14:35
Emotional. Which way did you plan?
14:39
Exactly, makes sense. Did you plan to be like we're
14:43
gonna do this right now like and have a baby or was kind of the
14:46
thing since we're both in the industry and we were both like
14:51
definitely not where we want our careers whatsoever to be like
14:56
nope, barely and I don't think anyone ever is to be fair.
14:59
So I'm learning. But it was like, yeah, we got to
15:03
the point where it's like, obviously we're not anywhere
15:06
near where we want our careers to be. but it's like, I'm I'm I
15:13
was 34 and it's like well I can't wait forever, like if I
15:18
want a baby like I have to do it and like both of my sisters had
15:22
a hard time. So we were like, you know, I
15:25
guess we'll just try and it'll probably be like a year.
15:30
Like we'll see how long it takes and it was so funny because I
15:36
would like, ask my OB like ahead, it like years ago.
15:39
I was like, can you Tell me how long it's going to take and she
15:42
was like, have you ever tried? And I was like, No And she was
15:46
like, okay yeah. She was like you know, better
15:49
crazy we were like. Okay maybe let's try and we
15:56
tried once. Mmm and there was May so.
16:01
So we got very lucky. Yeah, but very unexpected that
16:08
that was gonna happen so fast. Oh then we were like well okay I
16:13
there it is I guess it was meant to be.
16:16
No I very similar like you. I think we look very young.
16:19
So I think that that's been an advantage and I think that's
16:22
been a disadvantage. I think that for me, you know,
16:28
it started and I've been together for a long time and we
16:34
kind of were at the point where I knew I wanted a baby and he
16:40
was like Whatever's meant to be is meant to be.
16:43
Yeah. And I thought, okay, I have to
16:45
get off my bipolar medication in order to have a baby.
16:49
So for me, I was like, if we're going to do this, I'm going to
16:52
wean off. I'm going to do it gradually.
16:54
Yeah, and then decide and then try and whatever happens
16:58
happens. And if it doesn't work right
17:00
away, then we'll reassess, like, whether that meant me getting
17:03
back on medication and trying another time.
17:08
You know, whether that meant me, you know, No looking into, I
17:12
don't know IVF, I didn't know what was going to be this up,
17:15
you know, option who knows? You know, who knows what would
17:17
have happened? A lot of things.
17:19
There were a lot of options. Yeah.
17:21
And so for me, it was the same sort of thing.
17:23
It was like one and done and like I got pregnant and I was
17:26
like, is this a joke? Like this happened, this easily.
17:29
Like I was told my whole life, it would be really difficult and
17:33
I like, I'm so blessed but I'm also superstitious so I didn't
17:37
tell anyone until about the third trimester even Really
17:41
close friends. I didn't tell because I wasn't
17:44
showing until I would say, seven months.
17:47
I did a People magazine shoot. And I think I was trying to
17:52
remember how far along I was, I think I was like 7 and a half
17:56
months and I remember in the shoot they were like everything
18:00
that they bought like for me to wear or sorry that they pulled
18:03
like for the shoot was like maternity stuff that should have
18:08
been my stomach showing and moist.
18:10
It wasn't showing and I remember the photographer was like, okay,
18:14
for this one outfit, you're going to have to stick your
18:16
stomach out as much as you possibly can.
18:19
Just push it out because no one would believe that.
18:22
I was as far along that I was and then it was like, I woke up
18:27
one day, like 25 pounds heavier and humming on and was like
18:31
ready to yeah. Ready to pop like one day and so
18:36
that's why I don't really have a lot of like maternity photos or
18:39
like fun. You because I did it all at
18:42
once. I was like, okay, we're going to
18:43
do three shoots that way in one week.
18:45
Literally I did. But you know, it was one of
18:50
those things where I was like whatever is meant to be, is
18:52
meant to be. I'm kind of like spiritual and
18:56
what she like that and like leaving, you know, whoever's out
19:00
there that it was going to be trusted that way.
19:03
And and yeah, and then lady came and like all worked out.
19:08
But you know, it's funny I Still have been auditioning when I was
19:13
pregnant you know and even after being pregnant.
19:16
Right postpartum. And it's for roles that are like
19:20
32 and they're like you're really put it's real pushed,
19:24
you're so young looking and I'm like yeah I literally have a
19:27
child. My mother sir like mother like
19:33
something came out which is so weird to like be like I'm a mom,
19:40
I'm your best. Mom, how we do?
19:43
It's so bizarre. It's so bizarre, like to be a
19:46
mom, but it's like fun, you know?
19:50
But you're too. You didn't take.
19:53
Did you take any time like after?
19:55
Like, which I think is so odd, especially in this industry.
19:59
It's like, we don't get like, maternity leave.
20:01
So did you just like, Did you take any time?
20:06
Like any conscious like break? Or like we're was there at any
20:12
point during your pregnancy or after that you were like, I
20:14
don't I can't audition right now or you were just like whatever I
20:20
was like there were so limited auditions as it was.
20:23
It's not like I was like you know auditioning all the time
20:26
and everything was on zoom and I remember there was one audition
20:30
that I did and I met with a bunch of producers and was on a
20:33
zoom And I was so pregnant. I was nine months pregnant, and
20:40
they knew that I was pregnant at this point, and they knew that
20:43
I'd be able to shoot if I got it and obviously didn't get it.
20:46
But it was one of those things where I was just like, yeah,
20:50
like it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
20:51
But if not, it's just me doing muscle memory and like just
20:56
doing an audition and, like, seeing what it's like, can I had
21:01
a few auditions that I had to put on tape afterwards.
21:03
Like, Bubbly. I did a couple weeks postpartum
21:07
and it now, looking back at it. I'm like, I don't know why I
21:10
didn't just say, like I want to break, but I think I was so
21:14
determined to be like, no, no, I can do it.
21:16
I can do it, I can do it. And I remember there was a tape
21:21
of my manager was like, you know, get to me when you can
21:23
like no big deal and I was like, yeah, I have a little thing that
21:26
I have to do. And then, then I'm I'll be fine.
21:29
I'll get at you by the end of the week and I had a DNC, I had
21:33
to have a full Full operation like full thing and the next day
21:37
I went and put myself on tape and like I don't remember doing
21:41
it, I don't remember how I end. It was like one of those things
21:44
where I'm like I didn't love my body rest, you know, and I don't
21:48
recommend that to any mom. I think that it was just like,
21:52
but I was so determined to not change who I was, you know, I
21:57
was like, no, I'm the same. I'm okay, I can do it.
22:00
You know, stupid. Wow.
22:03
Yeah, I didn't A conscious break either, you know, it is heart.
22:08
Yeah, when you're like, well, there's not I'm not being like,
22:11
I'm not allowed to be like picky about, I think, yes, exactly.
22:15
If you're not on a TV show or if you're not in a film that
22:18
shooting like a rat, this like moment, right?
22:21
Like you have no, you have no, like, what is the word, like,
22:25
you have. No right to be, like, in my mind
22:27
to be like, oh no, I'm gonna pass on that sir.
22:30
Hey, great, I should have, you know, But, you know, and I'm
22:35
thinking, how can I go and shoot this movie?
22:37
If I like I remember, there's another movie.
22:39
I was up for it was like, how could I possibly do this, the
22:43
shoots in Toronto, in a week? There's no way I could bring my
22:46
two-week, postpartum, baby with me.
22:49
Like, how am I doing this? You know, but it's like, I was
22:52
like, oh no, I'll be fine. I'll figure it out which I can
22:55
glide and not. Yeah, but it's like yeah.
22:58
How like, how about? But I it's like, I'm glad I
23:01
didn't get these things. Like, you know, I So happy that
23:05
I had this moment with Lady to like really be able to, you
23:08
know, be there for her. But I have to say like I pushed
23:12
myself way too much way too fast and and I would not recommend
23:17
that to any mom, even if I understand if you have to go
23:19
back to work but like the super conscious of knowing boundaries
23:23
and stuff and really taking care of yourself.
23:25
Yeah. It is.
23:27
It is really hard, especially in this industry where it's like,
23:30
you feel like you only have like you don't have those options and
23:33
you Don't have the time like yeah.
23:39
No. It's just, it's a, it's yeah,
23:43
hustle. Yeah.
23:47
So you grew up out here? Yes.
23:49
Sort of. Yes, but yes, I say that.
23:52
I'm, like, sort of I'm originally from the bay area,
23:54
but I moved to LA when I was nine.
23:56
So for me like, this is home because I went to school here
24:00
and stuff. Yeah.
24:02
Oh, that's nice. So Do you feel like, well, do
24:08
you know how? When did you start acting like
24:11
we did, you always want to do it or like was?
24:14
Yeah, totally. I mean, I fart in it, right?
24:21
Oh no, no, no. How was that?
24:23
Like, I'm always curious people who grew up here and who are
24:28
actors especially if your parents aren't like were Because
24:33
in my mind like the Midwest, like being in a movie or being
24:38
like, being an actor was a dream, but it seemed like so far
24:43
away. So did you feel like, did, we're
24:47
your parents supportive? Did you start a like younger?
24:52
What what's, what's your story? Well, you know, it's funny
24:57
because I was a, like, and dance competitions.
24:59
My was, that was really young. And so I grew up being a Dancer.
25:03
And so I always loved to be onstage and Performing, and I
25:07
got an opportunity to audition to be a host of a kids club and
25:11
San Francisco when I was seven and so I did that.
25:15
Yeah, so I did that from seven to nine and we shot it every
25:20
Saturday Avec. Yeah.
25:26
It was super cute and, you know, I absolutely had the time of my
25:32
life and I, Bit by the camera bug and I was like, I need to do
25:35
this, this is my life and my mom was like, I'll let you do
25:40
whatever you want to do. But like I don't know how to do
25:43
it really, but I'll figure it out and she found out and, you
25:47
know, there's pilot season. And there were a couple of their
25:50
moms up told her about it. And hey stirred, let me take the
25:55
babies crying. Oh, yeah.
25:57
See, that's what this is all about.
25:58
Okay, exactly. Um, but yeah, no.
26:00
So I did this this hosting thing.
26:02
And we came out for a pilot season and I was like, this is
26:06
everything that I've ever wanted in more.
26:08
It's like what I wanted to do. And my mom and dad were very,
26:12
like keen on me making sure I still had my education though.
26:16
And then I went to school and and even if it was home-schooled
26:19
that I would eventually go back to school and kept it up because
26:24
that was their whole thing. Like they were, like, you gotta
26:26
do, gotta follow through. So, I mean, it was fine and it
26:30
was great but I just Didn't know any differently, you know.
26:35
And then I think it was cool because when I was in, you know,
26:39
8th grade and 9th grade and stuff like that and I was in a
26:42
real school, you know, I would get pulled out for auditions but
26:46
I also had a real life where I had.
26:48
I feel like that would be so cool.
26:50
It was real well I mean it was cool and it was not cool because
26:54
I enjoyed it but the teacher some of the teachers were not so
26:58
like cool with it. So it was tough and that's why I
27:02
ended up leaving NG. But, but it was one of those
27:05
things where, you know, I just there was nothing else I wanted
27:09
to do. I was like, I don't care what
27:13
you guys show me like what other occupation I possibly can have
27:16
like this is what I want to do. I if I didn't do this I don't
27:21
know how I could survive. Like what would I do?
27:24
Yeah I would go back to school I guess and try to figure it out.
27:28
Like there's something that I just I feel such a Need to be a
27:33
part of this industry. And but it's funny because I've
27:38
been asked the question so many times.
27:39
Like, oh my God, are you going to put your daughter in the
27:41
industry? And I'm like, absolutely not?
27:43
Yeah. Seriously.
27:44
Like No. And but, but that being said, if
27:49
there's a moment like I was where I had that opportunity and
27:53
I wanted to do it and I was very vocal about it.
27:56
I would allow hurt. Absolutely, you know, put
28:00
herself, you know out there if she wants to To but it's, you
28:03
know, you have to be really thick skin to accept rejection
28:08
at a young age and know that it's not personal and I was very
28:13
lucky. I never had a mom.
28:15
That was like, you're going to do this and you're going to do
28:17
that and we're going never, you know?
28:20
And that would have been it was all me.
28:23
I was the driving force. Yeah.
28:26
Would you let maybe in the business?
28:28
I don't know. I feel like, why not?
28:31
I mean, It's interesting because do you, we've had her, we've had
28:39
our agents like send us stuff for her already and like there's
28:44
been a few things like that. I like as a family and but she
28:48
just got a few things that are like just for her.
28:52
Oh my God, that's so cute. And I'm like we did a couple,
28:56
she didn't get him but I'm like, we talked about it and we're
29:00
kind of Back and forth because we're like I feel like we don't
29:07
want to push her to do something.
29:08
Obviously we're not pushing your bike, right, right.
29:12
Like we don't want to have her do something about like by
29:15
herself. The like she doesn't have the,
29:18
she's not making the choice. Sure, sure.
29:20
But also, like, I'm like, well, we could do something as a
29:22
family, we just feel weird about being like, here's our baby use
29:26
her as a prop, but at the same time, it's like if she could get
29:32
Money. That would save like, go into
29:34
her savings. Like, yep.
29:36
That's also not bad. So I think that it's like, it
29:40
just depends on what it is. I think for you, you know what I
29:43
mean? And I think also I remember I
29:45
did an episode of Two and a Half Men and I had to play, I played
29:50
a pregnant girl and then I had the baby and I remember it was
29:54
so wild because at the time Ashton Kutcher and Mila were
30:01
pregnant, With, I think their first or maybe there s, I don't
30:04
remember and I didn't, I didn't hang around enough to know, but
30:09
I sure that I remember she was pregnant on the on coming to
30:11
visit. Yeah.
30:12
And I had to hold this newborn baby cuz they come to the
30:16
hospital and he and Jon Cryer, and I'm like holding the baby
30:19
and I'm like, I don't want to give the baby up for adoption
30:22
anymore. And I was so freaked out because
30:25
I had never held someone else's baby.
30:28
That was a stranger only family, right?
30:31
And Only not this and these babies were like six and a half
30:34
weeks. I mean, they were they beats
30:38
right, and I just remember going.
30:41
Oh my God, like this is crazy. I can't even imagine like having
30:45
a baby and being like, he or someone hold it right.
30:49
Then again, I'm like, well, you know, like, I don't know if
30:53
you're in the industry and, you know, if you're not gonna know
30:56
the difference right? That's why.
30:57
I'm like, I don't know, you know what I mean?
31:00
Like, and it's just so, Funny because I'm like, well, that
31:03
baby was like really cute and how fun that they could be like,
31:06
oh my God, I remember that episode of Two and a Half Men.
31:08
You did, you know? So I don't know.
31:10
I think it's like whatever the parent wants and, and if there
31:13
was something that came up, that was amazing for you.
31:15
I would be like, go for it. Like, that's so fun for me.
31:18
Like, what a moment, you know, like once they get to the age
31:22
where it's like, they know what's going on, then I'll be
31:26
like, yeah. Do you want to do this?
31:28
Like I wouldn't even ask if she wanted to do it.
31:30
I'd be like, I would just wait for her.
31:32
Her to say. Yeah, I want to thank you,
31:35
darling. Not a thing.
31:36
And I guarantee you as a Gemini, she's gonna want to do it.
31:40
I know with both her parents odds, the odds are with, with
31:45
Lady, she's probably not going to like she's going to be like,
31:48
Mom, I can't believe you made me like do photo shoots like with
31:51
you. It like how embarrassing but I
31:53
feel like May is going to be like, yeah, both my parents are
31:56
actors. Like absolutely, I'm a star like
31:58
absolutely wait. I don't even know what Sturgis.
32:02
The what does or he's? Like, no, no.
32:05
He's a technology. The totally different.
32:07
Very now, I'm also curious with people because we, I mean, both
32:12
of us like go back and forth between like, man.
32:16
It'd be so easy, so much easier if like one of us had a like
32:19
stabled, stay bright, but then it's like we do understand each
32:25
other and like get. Yeah.
32:27
But it's like we also both have those like those highs and
32:32
Close. Yeah, and it's so hard.
32:34
I can't even imagine, I've dated like one actor and like one real
32:41
actor and one that was like a Hots hop, skip, and a jump from,
32:45
from being a, not a real actor, but would tell people, but I
32:49
won't go there. But, you know, it's so funny but
32:54
Sturgis, you know, is very creative and like, thought he
32:58
was going to be a director and, and went to theater school and
33:01
stuff. So he's like, We're of it, you
33:02
know? But for him like he totally
33:04
found a different Niche that work but he totally understands
33:07
it, but he understands. But but I mean, it's really hard
33:10
being to actor hers. You know, I've done it and it's
33:15
a lot, you know, because one's working one may not be and then
33:19
there's no jealousy. But it's, but it's, there's a
33:21
sense of, like, well, if you're working, like, I don't want to
33:24
be the like failure, right. And it's like, you put that
33:27
pressure on yourself, and no one else put that pressure on you.
33:31
So, It's like really tricky. You know, how long have you guys
33:34
been? You said you've been together
33:36
forever. We got married on the fourth of
33:39
July of 2020 and covid backyard. Wow.
33:43
Oh my gosh, that's amazing. We had, I think 16 people at our
33:48
wedding and like that was it. But all the day, the people you
33:52
want to want to be there. It was easy.
33:54
It was a surprise and we surprise people.
33:56
And we were like, we told them was a barbecue like, oh my God,
34:00
you're so cool. Now honestly was like, you know,
34:06
what's the expression expression shitter or get off the pot?
34:09
That was what I said, Jim. I was like, let's just do this.
34:11
I'm over this like ammo I'm done.
34:14
You know, I'm like, let's just get this show on the road.
34:17
You know, did you guys meet out here?
34:19
Is he from here right? No no he's not from here but we
34:23
did meet out here like yeah he's coaster.
34:25
He seems. Yes.
34:28
He is is to cover School. You're like the cool house, we
34:36
don't want to go, try your guy's house and she's like, can I go
34:39
play with Lady there? Yeah, ladies cause and causing
34:43
trouble all the time like I just can see it now.
34:46
Like two, we got two Gemini's, it's gonna be wild.
34:50
It's gonna be a wild and crazy time.
34:55
Okay, so you you said you waited like, oh, really long time to
35:00
tell your your Apps that you were pregnant, were you just
35:04
like, were you nervous about it and how did it how did it end up
35:08
going for? You wasn't my daughter is about
35:11
it, you're superstitious? Yeah it was because I was
35:14
superstitious and honestly like you know, I had a lot of family
35:20
and a lot of friends who have had the unfortunate loss of a
35:26
miscarriage. And I think for me I just Like,
35:32
I won't believe it until I see it.
35:34
That's the kind of person that I am.
35:36
And so I was like, obviously, I wasn't gonna wait till she was
35:40
born, but I knew I'm not showing I'm going to keep working
35:45
because I don't want this to be an excuse as to why there.
35:50
It's like whether I'm like, in quite adequate forgotten about,
35:54
or why I'm look differently. I didn't want to do any of that
35:58
yet. And I also, you know, it was
36:01
interesting because they Not know my reps, my manager new,
36:04
but my agents didn't know for a long time, but I think I also
36:08
only told a few people in Friendship groups to because I
36:14
just didn't want to rock the boat.
36:17
I did, I just, I didn't want to have to explain if God forbid
36:21
something were to happen, you know, and I think that that's
36:23
kind of where I was, you know, I had started recording the
36:26
podcast and telling people. Second sees my I mean second
36:31
trimester, After some people that I interviewed but it was
36:34
doctors and Specialists. And people that actually didn't
36:37
know me and I kind of said to them like, you know, on the DL
36:41
like super, you know, please do not share like not NDA but like
36:46
don't say anything because I'm just I'm trying to do this
36:49
process and I wanted to make sure that I recorded and I got
36:54
things done. So I knew like my third
36:56
trimester I would be really like probably dunzo and wouldn't be
36:59
able to do it. Joke was on me.
37:01
I Started doing interviews. I think I still was doing them a
37:06
day before I gave birth. Oh my God that's what.
37:09
Yeah yeah. Like one of them was a week
37:12
before and and I listen back to it the other day and I was like
37:17
that's so crazy like I can't even I remember like being past
37:21
my due date doing this work, so weird but I'm glad that I did
37:27
because I knew that I needed to record this.
37:32
Ernie not for myself and not for other people but literally for
37:36
her. So she could understand like
37:38
maybe what my mindset was that and it was like an audio diary
37:41
that I'm always going to be able to have and I'm sure she'll
37:45
never listen to it because she'll be like your bizarre and
37:48
so weird and nerves assist and full of yourself that you
37:52
thought I would care. But like I'm I wanted to do it.
37:57
So I could explain like you know what, I was feeling being off.
38:02
Russian. And like, just what it was like
38:03
that journey of being pregnant, you know.
38:05
It's a really weird. It's weird, you know, did you
38:10
have any weird, like emotion all issues that you were dealing
38:14
with or anything? Or you were like, oh my God.
38:17
Okay, I'm very, very lucky. I didn't have to Yeah, I was
38:24
very lucky. I was worried about like
38:28
possibly afterwards, right? Postpartum depression.
38:32
But I have a therapist and I've been seeing her for a while and
38:38
I and she like towards the end. Well I guess it was just like
38:44
because I do every other week and so it's like well the next
38:49
time I talk to you'll have a baby and so she was just kind of
38:53
Of like, let me know. She was like, I will wait to
38:56
hear from you when you're ready to come back, right?
38:59
Literally like I came home from the hospital and I was like, we
39:04
can talk like, yeah, like I can come back and, and thank God.
39:08
Like I just, I can't, you know, recommend therapy enough to
39:14
people. Oh yeah.
39:16
But and you would have you had a healthy birth?
39:20
There was no like, scary birth story.
39:22
Oh no, I did. Are pretty traumatic.
39:24
Oh really? She came out what I was like her
39:28
heart rate dropped from like 160 240.
39:31
Right. Let's get her out.
39:32
And I was like, great and she got she came out.
39:36
It was she's healthy. I just deal with now.
39:40
My postpartum thing is like dealing with that.
39:43
Like I wasn't, I feel like I wasn't there because they had to
39:48
put me under, I was only there for like 10 minutes, but then I
39:53
Didn't get, I didn't get the like out of me on to me.
39:57
You didn't miss out. Let me tell you something.
40:00
I am I am. How many weeks?
40:05
I am four and a half months postpartum and like I will tell
40:10
the world I pee my pants every day.
40:12
So like I had such an overly like like an insane moment of
40:20
being in and out of the hospital after she I was born because of
40:24
like so many problems, because I delivered vaginally naturally,
40:30
and, like, TMI for people, but like, I feel like people don't
40:33
talk about this enough. Now, I have to go to pelvic
40:37
floor therapy every week, and I was so worried and Civ and thank
40:43
God. My insurance covers it, and
40:45
these women are so wonderful that are helping me out, but it
40:48
is like every single day. Now I have to have a diary of
40:51
like how much water I drink. Ink.
40:53
Why is my, you know, pelvic floor, like doing these
40:57
exercises its Non-Stop and this has been four and a half months.
41:01
So like every time in me is a class like every time I stand up
41:05
real fast, definitely peed my pants.
41:06
So just know that that's real fun.
41:09
Like so when I say is like own your birth story, your birth
41:14
story is excuse my French like fucking awesome.
41:19
Like it's what you own it you did it.
41:23
There is no different between her coming out of me vaginally
41:27
and her coming out of your stomach.
41:29
Like it is all the same because you know what our babies are
41:32
here. Like they had they experienced
41:35
it. They're having a great time.
41:37
They have no difference. Yeah, I'm telling you yeah, her
41:41
being on me like doing the skin. To skin was great.
41:45
But let me tell you, I have merged so much afterwards that
41:49
while we're doing skin-to-skin, I had ten doctors that rushed
41:53
in, not understanding if I needed to have a blood
41:56
transfusion, like freaking out. So, you know, I feel like it's
42:00
traumatic no matter or no matter what exactly, exactly.
42:05
It's constantly traumatic. And I think that it's okay, and
42:10
you did not miss out on anything like it.
42:13
It's a birth stories of birth. Story.
42:16
You know, it is it really is and if you're really ambitious, go
42:21
for it again. Yeah.
42:24
To have you do you have people already asking you every day?
42:28
And I'm like, let me figure out how I could pee first and then
42:31
we can have that conversation which means that was one of the
42:35
things. I mean, I think it's funny that
42:37
I ended up having a c-section because that was one of my
42:40
biggest worries about, like, like the pelvic floor.
42:44
I was like, we gotta get This person, I gotta get this.
42:48
I was like, I'm afraid my bladder is going to fall out my
42:50
butt hole. Like yeah, I'm literally gonna
42:53
happen. Did you go in with a birth plan?
42:57
I did a little bit like, yeah, I time we have like a thing that
43:02
we like, typed up that I like, I got from, like, one of the
43:07
classes that we took, I didn't realize the birth plan was
43:11
actually a thing. When we went to the classes, I
43:13
was like they kept saying birth plan.
43:15
And I was like Um is this like an actual thing I'm supposed to
43:20
have like one, right? Is the deal but our plan was get
43:26
her out safely. Like we had like I want to do
43:29
the epidural. I want this, I don't want an
43:33
episiotomy and less necessary. Like it just like a few things,
43:37
where it's like we wanted the like cord stuff or whatever that
43:43
I was like, but ultimately this is All right, can be changed
43:49
under whatever is right. And that's what I like want to
43:52
recommend. Everyone is a is you own your
43:57
birth story but like know that you can have as much of a plan
44:01
as possible. But until push comes to shove
44:04
and you are literally in there. You don't know what's going to
44:08
happen so you can have the plan but you need to be super
44:11
flexible to totally pivot and like that's what happened to me.
44:14
Like I was like this Is what it's going to be but I know it
44:17
might be totally different and it was totally different than I
44:20
ever thought it was going to happen.
44:21
So, you know, you just have to be okay with it and then own it
44:24
afterwards because you know, you did it and you kicked ass.
44:29
Yeah. So did you thank you very much.
44:33
We did it. We're mom.
44:35
Yes. Um, okay.
44:37
Oh my gosh, I could talk to you forever but I'll ask you a
44:39
couple more questions. Um, so I'm always curious.
44:45
What is your, how do you handle yourself tapes?
44:49
Now that there is a baby, crying, or sleeping, or
44:52
whatever? How what is your 0, what is your
44:58
idea? Okay, what does it actually look
44:59
like? What is your like plan for?
45:02
If you do it, when you do it and what does it actually look like?
45:05
When you do? My plan is what it actually
45:08
looks like. I just don't plan any more.
45:10
Like I just put it up in our Nursery, we recorded.
45:13
Like she's crying, she's crying. And that's what they get like,
45:17
sorry. Like yeah, that's just the
45:20
reality, you know, it's just the reality and I, like, I've been
45:24
very lucky because she is a good baby and we'll record it usually
45:29
late at night like right when she goes to bed, that's usually
45:32
what happens. But, you know, it's kind of
45:35
like, oh, is she quiet? Let's go and do it real fast.
45:39
Yeah. Do you disturb just help you
45:42
with it? Yeah.
45:43
Yeah. Yeah, sometimes my coach will
45:45
help me and I'll go to her house.
45:47
But but you know, especially like during the pandemic and
45:51
when I was pregnant, like I just usually just could do it at
45:54
home. Yeah.
45:55
Yeah. That's always Always hard words
45:59
like, yeah, we've started because she'll go down earlier
46:03
and she sleeps through the night now.
46:04
So, I'm like, well just dies. What time does she go to bed?
46:10
She'll probably go to bed soon. Like seven or eight.
46:13
Oh my God. And then still be out to win
46:16
seven. Yeah, she ago baby sleep
46:19
training her. We just did like a few nights
46:25
ago and like the first night because we did the one where
46:29
it's like you check on her in 3 minutes.
46:32
Then 5 then like it progressively gets longer but
46:36
she like falls asleep after like she'll cry.
46:39
Is it called? I want to Google and the Ferber
46:42
method. How do you spell that fer?
46:46
Ber Are the Ferber method looks like, you just it is hard, it's
46:52
definitely not the cry it out method because I know I can't I
46:56
would never do that. It's so hard.
46:58
No offense to any mom that does that I can't.
47:00
I emotionally might not my way to start leaking and I like the
47:04
second she cries. I can't like, yeah.
47:08
I mean, I feel like Cried Out is like, get it done.
47:11
Like, if you can't, if you just like, I have don't have the
47:15
patience to do it over. Like a few nights.
47:18
But yeah. So we just did that a few nights
47:20
ago but she it's like you go in after like three minutes and you
47:26
can't pick her up but you're like it's okay.
47:28
We're here. We love you and good night and
47:32
then you go and again like the whole thing is that you just
47:35
once they're in bed for the night there in bed, like you're
47:38
not allowed to take them up and I was like the first night we
47:41
did it and I was like, I'm gonna throw up, right, right?
47:44
It was like, she's crying and I'm I'm not there.
47:47
I'm and it was like the longest three minutes and then after
47:51
like 10 minutes though she was she's gone.
47:53
She's like I'm fine guys, totally fine.
47:56
And then she like woke up the first cup of night.
47:59
She woke up in the middle of the night.
48:00
You do the same thing where and do you like put a pacifier in
48:04
her mouth or anything? I didn't.
48:06
Might she just doesn't really like passing up a see ya?
48:10
Oh, that's okay. She just like sucking on her
48:13
hand. Yeah, that's fine.
48:15
That's good. Self-soothing lady needs.
48:17
To have three things in our hands at all times.
48:18
Like literally like, well, and that's the thing it's to like
48:23
let them figure out how to self-soothe themselves back to
48:27
sleep. Yeah, and yeah, she's a good
48:30
baby. She'll she usually doesn't even
48:32
like Cry for very long. She cries more for like naps
48:37
than any know she does take short naps, right?
48:41
But that's like the give and take of the night when an angel.
48:46
Yeah. So we'll do the same thing.
48:48
But are set up. Ourselves self tape setup was in
48:51
her Nursery. So now we gotta switch it
48:55
because now she's in her own room now.
48:58
Oh my god. Oh cute.
49:00
I can't. It's so I'm like how you doing
49:03
in there? How you doing friend?
49:05
Yeah. So now we have to switch our
49:08
self tape everything. But, yeah, so that's good.
49:13
That you just like our kind of like, if she cries, she cries
49:17
like, or if you think it out? Yeah, making noise.
49:20
Like, people have babies, they just saved his life and they
49:26
have to get used to it. Like sorry, I love that, that
49:30
makes me feel so good because I feel Feel like At first I was
49:35
very like, if she would make a noise, I was like, forget it.
49:38
We're not doing like we do, just let it go and like be, like, I'm
49:42
so sorry. Unfortunately, it was a rough
49:44
day. Like if it works, it does, if it
49:47
doesn't and will do it again, but I would do it at night.
49:49
If you can. What is one thing that you would
49:54
say? Has been like a lifesaver for
49:58
you either? Like It could be a baby product.
50:03
It could be a mantra. It could be 0.
50:08
As as may start screaming, I start screaming and ladies I'd
50:12
like that mayor lady. Yeah.
50:16
She's she's fine. I would say so thing that I
50:22
swear by I would say a couple things, could I say a couple of
50:26
things worse. Okay, so first and foremost,
50:30
it's not for everyone, but I ate my placenta, you know, he'll
50:35
form. Okay, it, and I swear by that, I
50:39
swear by this product, and this is not me like, Hawking this
50:42
product. I just like, I swear by this
50:44
this company, it's called Anya a Nya and I actually interview the
50:51
the owner of it there, the ER, of, it's like a post part of the
50:55
kick and they have omega products.
51:00
They have postnatal products here, serums is all like,
51:05
lactation teas, and it's just this brand that really curated
51:11
so much stuff for me that I swear like these nutrients, I
51:15
was missing and I was so happy that I had them because I was so
51:17
depleted with blood loss and all the stuff that I really believe
51:21
that these nutrients help me so much kind of Not get postpartum
51:26
depression along with eating whatever My Placenta as crazy as
51:30
that sounds. You're I'm sure.
51:33
I am sure you are amongst a lot. I hope so.
51:36
I'm like to be a mom and know what I'm definitely.
51:40
She did it a good and then I would say 44 like lady in
51:47
general. I think that there was nothing
51:50
more calming than taking a moment of when she was super
51:55
colicky because she was very colicky.
51:58
We would put her in a bath and play her Disney lullabies and
52:03
just kind of, that was our reset is through water.
52:07
I'm a firm believer that water is very healing for me.
52:11
It's healing. I like bath time is very
52:13
important for me. You like for my own self care
52:16
and I truly believe that for herself care to.
52:20
It's something that I swear by like I know it sounds crazy like
52:23
just The baby in it, the bathtub you know, sit even if you don't
52:28
sit in the bath with her, like, sit next to her.
52:30
Yeah, there's something calming about just hearing the water
52:35
running or like, or have like I have, you know, everything that
52:39
she has like sound machine Wise. It's never really white noise.
52:42
It's either crickets to sound like the Blue Bayou at
52:44
Disneyland, which I love and water.
52:48
I think there's something so healing about water, so that's
52:51
my tip. It make sure that that
52:54
postpartum, you have some sort of supplement that can help with
52:58
the omegas and postnatal and then, yes.
53:01
And then water. That's what I think is the most
53:04
important. That's amazing.
53:07
Oh, my gosh, you're so cool and I could like Onyx.
53:10
I feel cool when I'm with you. Like, if you like tell me and
53:13
I'm like, see I'm cool surge like our nerd, our girls will
53:18
never know how cool we are. We're real cool.
53:22
You got Cool Moms. Um, well, not me but you for
53:26
sure. Some are definitely very cool
53:29
idea. Stop your cool.
53:31
Cool. Oh, my God!
53:32
Thank you. Yes.
53:34
We'll definitely have to do a part 2 because I could talk to
53:38
you forever like in a couple months.
53:40
I think that would be really fun to see where we're at in.
53:43
Like what would I recommend then?
53:45
Yeah, I would love that. Well, I think you so much for
53:50
chatting with me, anytime. I'll see you soon because I I'll
53:54
be back in music class. Hey, we got to start up again.
53:57
A sap. It's time.
54:01
And that is a look into mommy. Would thank you so much to my
54:07
guest and a special. Thank you to my producer,
54:11
Cecilia trip with Laurel Canyon creative, and thank you to
54:16
Edith, much for my theme music and don't forget to follow
54:21
mommy, would podcast on Instagram.
54:24
Mm and Tick-Tock and please leave a nice review and a few
54:30
Stars while you're at it and I hope you enjoyed this episode of
54:35
mommy would and take care.